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I am.

This weekend I went to . As we all were gathering one last time in the chapel of the conference center, I noticed those words in the stained glass.

I am still processing every wonderful thing that happened at the retreat. Those two words, literally written on the wall, sum up so many things that I learned throughout the weekend where I walked a labyrinth, recovered my energy, stretched my body with yoga, and meditated to the sound of gongs. There were so many things that I learned about myself.

I am brave and bold.

I am on the most wonderful path in my life.

I am not afraid of changes and challenges.

I am ready to explore life to the fullest.

I am excited to see what the Universe has in store for me.

I am leaping into the unknown and�

I am not afraid.

I finally started an in November. I’m not sure why I put off joining that form of social media, but I did. Now, I have to say, I love it.

Not because it is boosting my author platform or selling books. But I don’t care. For me it’s not about getting followers. I don’t automatically follow people back, especially when currently about half of the people following me are supposedly middle-aged men with private accounts. I’m getting eye strain from rolling my eyes every time one of those idiots follows me.

I am certainly doing it all wrong from a business strategy standpoint. I don’t post often enough. I don’t worry about staging my pictures. I don’t add a million hashtags to every post.

I don’t care.

I follow people who are interesting. And that’s it. So when I scroll through the pictures I am inspired, and awed, and astounded by the people, animals, and plants that I see. I follow accounts that feature older women wearing what ever kind of clothes they damn well please, giant rabbits, plant moms, healthy foods, and plant medicine. I follow artists and yogis and stylists. I follow prairie dogs, people who live in vans, pop-up camper renovators, self-help authors, sheepadoodles, and my belly dance teacher’s Golden Retriever page.

If you happen to follow me, you get a true glimpse into my life. I don’t post with the intent to get a ton of likes. I just post what I want to share in the hope that someone else might find it interesting. If you take a peek at who I’m following, you’ll see the types of things that inspire me. Will my Instagram account bring me book sales? I honestly don’t know. But I do know that at the moment it brings me joy as I wonder at the incredible people who are also sharing their lives. P.S. If happen to want to check out my Instagram, I’m @JanelGr.

This is Agnes my kombucha SCOBY.

For those of you who aren’t into fermentation or probiotic drinks, kombucha is fermented tea that has . A SCOBY, that whitish disk floating in the jar, is a Symbiotic Colony Of Bacteria and Yeast. I got her at a kombucha making class where the teacher told us to name our SCOBY. So I named her Agnes. The liquid in the jar is sweet tea.

So why do I want to drink a fermented beverage that is neither beer nor wine? Because it’s good for digestion. It is almost infinitely customizable with the addition of fruits, vegetables, spices, and adjusting the length of fermentation. And it’s a fun kitchen science experiment.

Do you enjoy fermented food? Do you make it yourself?

It has been a long time coming, but Pancakes & Pandemonium � the 6th book in my Culinary Competition Mystery Series � is finally here! The ebook is on sale for $2.99 for a limited time. I hope fans of the series enjoy following Amy as she tries to find a killer in the aftermath of a destructive storm.

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What Do You Do When You’re Not Okay?

Do you stuff all of your emotions deep down inside and pretend that you’re fine? Walk around like a pressure cooker with a broken release valve, waiting to explode.

Or do you admit to yourself and others that you’re having a hard time?

Pancakes & Pandemonium will be released in one week. It will be a very bittersweet day for me. After January 9, 2018 I will never again release a book that was written with my writing buddy, Cooper, by my side. I know his soul is still with me, he’s let me know that in many ways, but I can’t hug him, kiss his nose, or run my fingers through his silky hair. The following day will mark one month since he passed over. This time there will be sadness and grief mixed in with the usual excitement of releasing a book.

This book release won’t be like any other. It’ll be different. I’ll be different. Admitting that, to me, is better than sucking it up, pretending that everything is all right, and pushing through.

I won’t be on social media as much as I have been during past releases because I’ll be busy helping cook a meal for my son’s swim team. Then I’ll be attending the swim meet to cheer him on. It’ll be a nice distraction from the usual obsessive sales rank watching. Focusing on family never fails to bring a sparkle of joy in dark times for me. Part of my preparation this week will be attending several events at my local wellness store. They have nothing to do with book marketing and everything to do with self-care.

Life isn’t about gluing ourselves back together when we feel broken to pull off the illusion of being okay. How many times can that be done before we start losing pieces of ourselves? I have some cracks right now. There is a giant hole in my heart. But I am truly mending by not pretending that I’m okay.

The new year is almost here. It’s the time when we look back and look forward. What was wonderful? What was horrible? What can we do to make our lives better?

How about metaphorically burning the bad habits and limiting beliefs that make us miserable?

This has been a difficult year for me. My beloved Golden Retriever, Cooper, had many health issues before passing away a few weeks ago. My heart is still broken as I get ready to release the last book that I completed with my “writing buddy� by my side. One of the ways that I want to honor him is by trying to live my life more like he did � with exuberance and an indomitable sense of play.

To do that, I need to let go of some ideas that tend to make me miserable. Mental baggage that I know has held me back or kept me down in the past. Like prioritizing being nice over my own happiness or comfort. Not fun. Not going to do that anymore. Into the bonfire it goes. Cooper may not have been able to carry on a conversation in English, but he very clearly let me know when he didn’t like something…or someone. He wasn’t afraid to let people know how he felt, whether it was through tail wags or growls.

A couple times this year I got a taste of what it feels like to step into the power of self-respect and holding true to what I believe. I stood up to someone who repeatedly told me that I was wrong, even though I knew with all of my heart that I wasn’t. I reached out in friendship to someone, then walked away when I was treated as a prospective commission opportunity. I broke with family holiday traditions and created some new ones. It’s a trend I will continue into 2018.

That leads me to another thing that needs to be tossed on the fire � worrying about what other people think. Their thoughts are their business, not mine. As the old saying goes, “You can’t please everyone.� It truly is a waste of precious time getting caught up in worrying about the opinions of others. Let them think what they want. I know what my truth is. Cooper never cared what people thought about him. He simply was himself at all times � sweet, silly, fiercely protective, loyal, loving, sometimes grumpy, lover of naps, happy, and never afraid to express his feelings.

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My sweet Cooper passed over the rainbow bridge on December 10, 2017.

My family and I are heartbroken. We miss him so much, but are comforted in knowing that he is no longer hurting. He was such a strong and brave boy. Thank you for all of the wonderful memories, baby.

This is my new kitchen floor. Every carpet tile has a different pattern and color scheme. It is unique, kind of odd, and totally me at this point in my life.

Why did I put carpet in my kitchen? It’s the best choice in flooring to keep my beloved Golden Retriever, Cooper, healthy. He is beginning to have some mobility issues and the slippery vinyl flooring in the kitchen was a hazard, especially after he injured his leg over the summer. So I made the decision to put in carpet tiles. He can walk safely. I can easily replace small sections of the carpet, if it’s necessary in the future. Everybody wins.

All of the carpet tiles that I found at my local home improvement stores were very neutral and mimicked normal carpeting, except for this brand. Out of the five boxes that were used, only two tiles were the same. As soon as I saw the array of patterns and colors I insisted that these tiles were the only choice. It was soÌýme.

You see, a few years ago I realized that I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was so buried under layers of stress and expectations, that I wasn’t even visible � a tired and dingy carpet that used to be vibrant and colorful but had become unrecognizable. I had come to believe that I had to be nice all the time to everybody, no matter how they treated me. So I routinely took on the chore of fixing problems that weren’t my own. Perhaps a noble task, but also a futile one since the people who I was trying to help had caused the problems themselves. They didn’t want the issues to be resolved, they wanted attention. The more I tried to help, the more dramas they created. It was exhausting. I had no boundaries. I took on everything that was dumped upon me.

And then I’d had enough.

I’ve cleaned up my life. I’m back to being myself, which happens to be colorful, eclectic, and fierce. Not only have I set boundaries � I enforce them. There is great power and freedom in learning to say no. It hasn’t been easy. There have been some interesting reactions from people when I’ve steadfastly refused to take part in their dramas or allowed their problems to take over my life. In the process, I’ve come to realize that I have excellent intuition. Detecting true intentions, even when someone is trying to hide them, is my super power. I am no longer a good girl who puts up with bad behavior to be nice. I walk away from people who are manipulative, have ulterior motives or a negative attitude because I won’t allow that kind of dirty energy into my life anymore.

I let my true colors show in both my attitude and how I live. There is nothing neutral or passive about me. I’m not a chameleon-like beige rug that blends in. My life is like the patchwork that is now my kitchen floor.

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My deepest, sincerest apologies,

Janel

Can you spot Cooper, the elusive Golden Retriever?

It’s October 7, but the temperature has climbed to 80 degrees again. A perfect day for having a big glass of iced tea. I, like probably many of you, grew up drinking sun tea. In the summers when I was a kid there would often be a big glass jar of tea sitting on the picnic table in my backyard. Now, I make my iced tea differently. I use a cold brew method. No sunshine needed.

For every four cups (quart) of water I add either two teabags or two teaspoons of loose leaf tea. Combine the water and tea in a pitcher. Put in the refrigerator and let it sit overnight. Remove the tea bags or strain. Enjoy!