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How Not to Be a Perfect Mother
A fresh new look brings this parenting classic up-to-date for a new generation of mothers and mothers-to-be. Taking an irreverent and humorous look at the trials and tribulations of motherhood, Radio 4's Libby Purves has created an invaluable survival guide so that even the most unpromising madonna can cope with the baby years. This is a parenting book with a difference- rather than a serious tome laying down the law, Libby Purves' lighthearted book shamelessly describes how to cut the corners and bend the rules that never mattered much anyway. Forget the other parenting books that hide the real truth- this is the true battle manual for mothers on the front line! This timeless guide to coping with motherhood has been revised, bringing it up-to-date for a whole new generation of mothers and mothers-to-be. Based on Libby Purves' own experience of domestic havoc with two babies and on the wit and wisdom of fifty like-minded mothers, this motherhood companion guide is full of down-to-earth tips and hilarious anecdotes. Topics covered include pregnancy, preschoolers, sibling fights, fraught outings, nannies and careers. This is an invaluable guide to being an imperfect mother- and, more importantly, enjoying it.
- GenresNonfictionParentingHumor
Paperback
First published January 1, 1986
15 people are currently reading
136 people want to read
About the author
Libby Purves
70books13followersLibby Purves is a journalist and author who has been writing for The Times since 1982. A previous columnist of the year and author of 12 novels and non-fiction books, she was for 40 years a BBC Radio 4 broadcaster after becoming the Today programme’s first woman and youngest presenter.
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
August 16, 2023
Хороша спокійна книжка про материнство, місцями досить смішна. Мені сподобалось загальне відношення авторки і життєствердний настрій. Багато нових для мене англійських слів :)
June 4, 2014
This book was reasonably OK. An easy read which discusses the trials of bringing up children up to the age of 3 years.
It was obvious even though the author says she asked X amount of mothers from different lifestyles, most were based on her own views. For example, the 'feeding' section was soley based on breastfeeding. So all these other mothers she asked, breastfed? So not even one of them bottle fed? I agree 'breast is best' but I feel that what is 'best' for one mother and baby may be different for another.
Personally speaking I felt so guilty even thinking about bottle feeding from midwives preaching when I had my daughter, that for 3 days I persevered with breast feeding with a screaming baby, at the end of my tether and resenting it. It wasnt until an actual nice midwife visited me, telling me my baby needed to go to hospital with severe jaundice due a tongue tie which meant she couldnt latch properly and take a feed. In theory I had starved my daughter for 3 days and was scared to give her a bottle due to the 'bottle bashing' I was expecting from midwives and other health professionals. I still feel guilty now about caring so much about the stigma attached to bottlefeeding... Yet socially I was deemed a better mum for breastfeeding even though it was not helping my daughter at all, and her first 'bottle' made her little day as she was full for the first time. I feel to make this book appropriate to all mothers, there should be no discrimination in this area.
The author makes a lot of good (but obvious) points about how to negotiate with all under 3s. I also feel it is clear that the author used a 'nanny' herself, however I dont know anyone personally who uses a nanny. Maybe social media is to blame, but I hear 'nanny' I think affluent, London family in a detached property? It doesnt mention the lots of parents I know (not myself, as I am lucky enough to have family to help when I work a few afternoons a week) who have no choice but to drop there child/ren at a Day Nursery a few times a week just in order to earn a few hundred pound (minus the nursery fees) this pains more mums I know, returning to work than anything, yet wasnt mentioned in this book, and could be good to discuss.
I dont really want to rant, like I mentioned, this book has good points in it and I feel may be better for a pregnant women to read, to avoid the issues that many of us think are huge when it happens first time round.
It was obvious even though the author says she asked X amount of mothers from different lifestyles, most were based on her own views. For example, the 'feeding' section was soley based on breastfeeding. So all these other mothers she asked, breastfed? So not even one of them bottle fed? I agree 'breast is best' but I feel that what is 'best' for one mother and baby may be different for another.
Personally speaking I felt so guilty even thinking about bottle feeding from midwives preaching when I had my daughter, that for 3 days I persevered with breast feeding with a screaming baby, at the end of my tether and resenting it. It wasnt until an actual nice midwife visited me, telling me my baby needed to go to hospital with severe jaundice due a tongue tie which meant she couldnt latch properly and take a feed. In theory I had starved my daughter for 3 days and was scared to give her a bottle due to the 'bottle bashing' I was expecting from midwives and other health professionals. I still feel guilty now about caring so much about the stigma attached to bottlefeeding... Yet socially I was deemed a better mum for breastfeeding even though it was not helping my daughter at all, and her first 'bottle' made her little day as she was full for the first time. I feel to make this book appropriate to all mothers, there should be no discrimination in this area.
The author makes a lot of good (but obvious) points about how to negotiate with all under 3s. I also feel it is clear that the author used a 'nanny' herself, however I dont know anyone personally who uses a nanny. Maybe social media is to blame, but I hear 'nanny' I think affluent, London family in a detached property? It doesnt mention the lots of parents I know (not myself, as I am lucky enough to have family to help when I work a few afternoons a week) who have no choice but to drop there child/ren at a Day Nursery a few times a week just in order to earn a few hundred pound (minus the nursery fees) this pains more mums I know, returning to work than anything, yet wasnt mentioned in this book, and could be good to discuss.
I dont really want to rant, like I mentioned, this book has good points in it and I feel may be better for a pregnant women to read, to avoid the issues that many of us think are huge when it happens first time round.
January 12, 2020
I understand this book was written at a time when it was revolutionary to even give women the option of not being perfect. However, the book has fallen to be extremely outdated. The author uses so many slurs and despective expressions that I cringed half of the time. She discusses "those feminists" as the enemy in countless occasions. Overall, some good ideas, but most of it is already taken for granted nowadays. The gendered vocabulary and absolute non-existent mention of alternative parenthood to the man-woman dyad makes this too white, too classist and to heteronormative. What's more, I would have hoped that a revolutionary book like this would have had better expectations of fathers, who are mentioned throughout the book a couple of times and mostly to criticize them.
October 30, 2013
entretenido, práctico y hasta sarcástico manual sobre crianza con el estricto y liberal sentido inglés. lo que no le gustó es que no es aplicable a la realidad latinoamericana, ni a la crianza con apego. a veces llega a faltarle al respeto a los bebés al tratarlos como un "issue" más a resolver.
February 22, 2021
I didn’t had this much fun reading a book in a long time, and a parenting book for that matter. I loved it. The writer is as real as it can get, the situations described are completely relatable and the humor is sharp and delicious. On top of everything, between all the funny stories and comical attempts of a “normal� life, there are actually some pretty solid advices and tips for surviving toddler years. Even though the book is enormously British, which I love, it still resonates with any parent and can bring a smile even to the most tired of mothers. Great book!
March 7, 2018
Una simpatica e semplice lettura, che aiuta a esorcizzare alcune delle paure collegate alla nascita di un figlio e allo stesso tempo trova nuove soluzioni che, se non adatte al cento per cento, aiutano comunque a pensare a soluzione alternative. La scrittura è semplice, facendone del libro una lettura perfetta per le mezzore in metropolitana o sui mezzi per andare a lavoro. Forse non è il libro perfetto per le neo mamme ma neanche lo vuole essere.
December 16, 2022
I wouldn't necessarily recommend this book to new Mothers. The advice is mediocre and most of the time the writer has a nanny of some kind to look after her children, if only we could all afford a nanny. Definitely better books out there on unperfected parenting.
January 1, 2024
I think for the more on edge parent this would be great. As a couple who are probably already too relaxed it felt all a bit obvious. I think also reading it before my daughter was born or soon after would have been more interesting.
May 2, 2020
Fun and entertaining book. I enjoy reading it and I also learn some great tips to use.
Read
January 7, 2022A brilliant, fresh new look at motherhood
February 15, 2024
It hasn't aged well...
Read
October 23, 2022Awful and painfully outdated. Also, definitely not ‘how not to be a perfect mother�. Try, here’s some more advice on things you should be doing, from an out-of-touch, out-of-date mother.
Not got a nanny? Not breastfed your baby? Not into hobbies such as boating, tennis and cricket? Not familiar with various upper-middle class types that the author takes every opportunity to name drop? This book will drive you mad.
A low point was one parent’s advice to make sure you paint your nails before work so that your employer doesn’t worry you’re too busy to give your job your all.
Despite the title, this book actually managed to make me feel worse about all of the ways I’m not meeting my perfectionistic standards about parenting, because some whole new expectations have been added to the mix.
Feeling a bit insecure/guilty about your parenting? - I would imagine you probably are, hence your consideration of this book. Don’t read this one. There are other, more up-to-date books out there that will give you a more realistic insight into perfectly imperfect parenthood, and might be more likely to make you laugh.
Not got a nanny? Not breastfed your baby? Not into hobbies such as boating, tennis and cricket? Not familiar with various upper-middle class types that the author takes every opportunity to name drop? This book will drive you mad.
A low point was one parent’s advice to make sure you paint your nails before work so that your employer doesn’t worry you’re too busy to give your job your all.
Despite the title, this book actually managed to make me feel worse about all of the ways I’m not meeting my perfectionistic standards about parenting, because some whole new expectations have been added to the mix.
Feeling a bit insecure/guilty about your parenting? - I would imagine you probably are, hence your consideration of this book. Don’t read this one. There are other, more up-to-date books out there that will give you a more realistic insight into perfectly imperfect parenthood, and might be more likely to make you laugh.
July 15, 2020
Rather dated now, but still a lovely, realistic antidote to all those books that tell you that any woman who fails to simultaneously set a good example by working seventy-eight hours a week in a high-flying job, and gaze constantly into her baby's eyes while keeping up a running commentary until the kid's 48th birthday in order to facilitate healthy bonding, is the worst mother alive and only has herself to blame when her kid grows up to mug grannies and hold up bars at gunpoint.
Does rather assume, though, that all mothers live in a nice middle class area of London in a sizeable house, and have the option of asking their supportive husband to do the shopping while Nanny cares for the toddler and Mummy brings her sobbing baby into a business meeting at the BBC (with total, unquestioning support from her employer. So not much help to those of us who reside in the real world, basically.
Does rather assume, though, that all mothers live in a nice middle class area of London in a sizeable house, and have the option of asking their supportive husband to do the shopping while Nanny cares for the toddler and Mummy brings her sobbing baby into a business meeting at the BBC (with total, unquestioning support from her employer. So not much help to those of us who reside in the real world, basically.
January 11, 2012
This book was bought for me by my husband as he knew it would put this new mother's mind at rest and he wasn't wrong! Although it has some out-dated terminology and information in it, for the most part it offers some really sound advice of what to worry about and what to let go in the domain of motherhood. The author really gets where you're coming from being an experienced mother herself and it just feels good to know you're not the only one. Also, the tips offered for future stages of development have really made me feel a bit more prepared and not so unsure I can do it. I would definitely recommend this book to any new mother, no matter how confident you think you are!
February 21, 2014
A great distraction from the serious parenting books, and a perfect antidote for a perfectionist like me who wants to read everything, know everything, be prepared and organised for this impending new job. A nice reminder to have a sense of humour and that it's ok not to be perfect.
Includes such gems as inviting tradesmen over for unnecessary quotes on things just to alleviate the tedium of endless baby-only day times. And how to entertain your baby with their own toes.
Dragged a bit around the nanny section and some of it is dated and UK specific, but mostly and enjoyable, reassuring and uplifting afternoon read.
Includes such gems as inviting tradesmen over for unnecessary quotes on things just to alleviate the tedium of endless baby-only day times. And how to entertain your baby with their own toes.
Dragged a bit around the nanny section and some of it is dated and UK specific, but mostly and enjoyable, reassuring and uplifting afternoon read.
November 15, 2010
non è veramente un testo "di riferimento" ma certamente è una lettura che consiglio per sdrammatizzare ed esorcizzare fantasmi e sensi di colpa. È anche pieno di buoni consigli. L'autrice è inglese e la localizzazione si fa sentire, ma in un certo senso è liberatorio pure questo, perchè una volta tanto qui in Italia le cose vanno molto molto meglio (la sanità inglese è un disastro).
December 26, 2010
While written from a British point of view (and so a few words/phrases had to be figured out on my end with context clues), I thoroughly enjoyed the tone and the confidence that Libby Purves has given me as I prepare to be a first time mom. Funny, reassuring, and definitely NOT condescending at all, Libby makes me feel like it's all going to be ok.
December 30, 2015
Amazingly hilarious. I read it when my first born was one year old and I loved to laugh about my misery so much. I recommend it to all the mothers out there with children under the age of three. It's easy to read and you'll know you are not alone with your problems.
May 4, 2008
No puede terminar de leerlo, quizás cuando tenga un hijo, me resulte interesante.
August 18, 2014
dehogymilyenszar a fordítás... :(
June 15, 2015
Un classique depuis 30 ans, il me semble (et parfois ça se voit). A prendre, comme tous les bouquins pour futurs (ou actuels) parents: avec une pincée de sel.
April 3, 2017
Ar trebui sa fie lectura obligatorie pentru toti parintii! Mai ales pentru cei care au copii mici. O carte incantatoare!
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