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Kiss Me First
A chilling and intense first novel, the story of a solitary young woman drawn into an online world run by a charismatic web guru who entices her into impersonating a glamorous but desperate woman.
When Leila discovers the Web site Red Pill, she feels she has finally found people who understand her. A sheltered young woman raised by her mother, Leila has often struggled to connect with the girls at school; but on Red Pill, a chat forum for ethical debate, Leila comes into her own, impressing the Web site's founder, a brilliant and elusive man named Adrian. Leila is thrilled when Adrian asks to meet her, flattered when he invites her to be part of "Project Tess." Tess is a woman Leila might never have met in real life. She is beautiful, urbane, witty, and damaged. As they e-mail, chat, and Skype, Leila becomes enveloped in the world of Tess, learning every single thing she can about this other woman—because soon, Leila will have to become her. An ingeniously plotted novel of stolen identity, Kiss Me First is brilliantly frightening about the lies we tell—to ourselves, to others, for good, and for ill.
When Leila discovers the Web site Red Pill, she feels she has finally found people who understand her. A sheltered young woman raised by her mother, Leila has often struggled to connect with the girls at school; but on Red Pill, a chat forum for ethical debate, Leila comes into her own, impressing the Web site's founder, a brilliant and elusive man named Adrian. Leila is thrilled when Adrian asks to meet her, flattered when he invites her to be part of "Project Tess." Tess is a woman Leila might never have met in real life. She is beautiful, urbane, witty, and damaged. As they e-mail, chat, and Skype, Leila becomes enveloped in the world of Tess, learning every single thing she can about this other woman—because soon, Leila will have to become her. An ingeniously plotted novel of stolen identity, Kiss Me First is brilliantly frightening about the lies we tell—to ourselves, to others, for good, and for ill.
308 pages, Hardcover
First published February 1, 2007
240 people are currently reading
7505 people want to read
About the author
Lottie Moggach
5Ìýbooks100ÌýfollowersLottie Moggach is a journalist who has written for The Times, Financial Times, Time Out, Elle, GQ and The London Paper. She lives in north London. Kiss Me First is her first novel.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 822 reviews
April 6, 2017
I loved this creepy, compelling, atypical suspense novel! I was engrossed in the story from beginning to end.
Leila is extremely bright but a most unreliable narrator as she is sorely unperceptive and socially inept. She has led a private existence with few (if any) close friends. Her only intimate relationship was with her mother (with MS) and she has died as the novel begins. So, Adrian, a menacing but charismatic computer chat room founder, easily targets and then grooms Leila to impersonate a woman (Tess) online after she commits suicide…so that family and friends are unaware of her death.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading along as Leila meets Tess (through emails and Skype) and begins the process of taking over her personality once Tess has “checked out.� The book is a fascinating exploration of this main theme (assuming another identity) especially as it relates to social media and the internet. It was disturbing and also believable because Leila is reclusive and chooses to spend most of her time online within social media and chat room sites rather than fostering friendships in the real world.
Leila isn’t particularly likable and yet she is sympathetic because she's so unbelievably naïve and obtuse, in spite of her brains and computer expertise. I squirmed and blushed for her as she (so clumsy at human relationships) becomes infatuated with Connor, an ex-boyfriend of the gorgeous but deeply troubled Tess. This online connection between the painfully deluded Leila and Connor is unnerving but compulsive reading.
I gave this a 4-star rating instead of 5 because the ending felt abrupt and inadequate. It’s still a dark, fascinating tale, well worth reading!
Leila is extremely bright but a most unreliable narrator as she is sorely unperceptive and socially inept. She has led a private existence with few (if any) close friends. Her only intimate relationship was with her mother (with MS) and she has died as the novel begins. So, Adrian, a menacing but charismatic computer chat room founder, easily targets and then grooms Leila to impersonate a woman (Tess) online after she commits suicide…so that family and friends are unaware of her death.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading along as Leila meets Tess (through emails and Skype) and begins the process of taking over her personality once Tess has “checked out.� The book is a fascinating exploration of this main theme (assuming another identity) especially as it relates to social media and the internet. It was disturbing and also believable because Leila is reclusive and chooses to spend most of her time online within social media and chat room sites rather than fostering friendships in the real world.
Leila isn’t particularly likable and yet she is sympathetic because she's so unbelievably naïve and obtuse, in spite of her brains and computer expertise. I squirmed and blushed for her as she (so clumsy at human relationships) becomes infatuated with Connor, an ex-boyfriend of the gorgeous but deeply troubled Tess. This online connection between the painfully deluded Leila and Connor is unnerving but compulsive reading.
I gave this a 4-star rating instead of 5 because the ending felt abrupt and inadequate. It’s still a dark, fascinating tale, well worth reading!
March 8, 2023
(First read in 2013; reread March 2023.) What an utterly compelling novel this is! I pulled it off my shelf on a whim and had finished rereading the whole thing within a few hours. It’s incredibly fast-paced, gripping to an almost hypnotic degree, and a complete triumph of voice. As when I reread The Bed I Made, I’m left wondering why it seems harder to find books like this now � where has all the brilliantly written ‘commercial� fiction gone? I suppose it’s just that definitions have shifted, but I’m tired of so many current thrillers having the same structure and style. In Kiss Me First, we’re straight into Leila’s narrative, and her character is distinct within the first paragraph.
Leila is a lonely and sheltered young woman whose life, up until our story begins, has mostly been devoted to caring for her beloved mother. After her mother’s death, she retreats into an existence that centres on the internet, especially a debate forum called Red Pill. Then the site’s founder picks her for a secret project. It requires her to get to know a complete stranger � Tess � and, eventually, imitate her online. Outspoken, popular, scatty, vibrant Tess is everything Leila is not; immersing herself in Tess’s life is a bizarre and revelatory experience for Leila. But there’s something sinister behind the scheme, which explains why the book opens with Leila searching for evidence of Tess in a Spanish commune, trying to determine whether she is still alive.
Reading my original review, I’m gratified to see that then, as now, I appreciated this book first and foremost as a character study. I compared it to , and Susanna Jones’s books, all comparisons I stand by; to that list I would now add , and most recently (which is immediately engaging for the same reason � the instantly unmistakable voice). I really enjoyed Kiss Me First in 2013, but I think I loved and appreciated it even more ten years later � and for the second time, I devoured it within the day.
Leila is a lonely and sheltered young woman whose life, up until our story begins, has mostly been devoted to caring for her beloved mother. After her mother’s death, she retreats into an existence that centres on the internet, especially a debate forum called Red Pill. Then the site’s founder picks her for a secret project. It requires her to get to know a complete stranger � Tess � and, eventually, imitate her online. Outspoken, popular, scatty, vibrant Tess is everything Leila is not; immersing herself in Tess’s life is a bizarre and revelatory experience for Leila. But there’s something sinister behind the scheme, which explains why the book opens with Leila searching for evidence of Tess in a Spanish commune, trying to determine whether she is still alive.
Reading my original review, I’m gratified to see that then, as now, I appreciated this book first and foremost as a character study. I compared it to , and Susanna Jones’s books, all comparisons I stand by; to that list I would now add , and most recently (which is immediately engaging for the same reason � the instantly unmistakable voice). I really enjoyed Kiss Me First in 2013, but I think I loved and appreciated it even more ten years later � and for the second time, I devoured it within the day.
July 27, 2013
The idea, in a nutshell, was this: The woman—Tess—would inform her family and friends that she intended to move abroad to start a new life in some distant, inaccessible place. She would hand over to me all the information I would need to convincingly impersonate her online, from passwords to biographical information. Then, on the day of her “flight,� she would disappear somewhere and dispose of herself in a discreet manner, handing the reins of her life over to me. From then on I would assume her identity, answering e-mails, operating her Facebook page, and so forth, leaving her loved ones none the wiser that she was no longer alive. In this way, I would help facilitate her wish: to kill herself without causing pain to her friends and family, to slip away from the world unnoticed.
“Naturally, your immediate concern will be whether she is of sound mind,� said Adrian. “Well, I’ve known Tess for a while now, and I can assure you she knows exactly what she’s doing. Is she a colorful character? Yes. Crazy? Absolutely not.�
After that reassurance, my thoughts then turned to practical matters. As long as I had the relevant information to hand, I thought, the logistics of imitating this woman online seemed fairly straightforward: answering the odd e-mail, a few status updates a week. Adrian told me the woman was quite old, in her late thirties; hopefully that meant she wouldn’t even write in text-speak.
Rather, my worries were about the premise and the conclusion of the operation. Was this “new life abroad� a plausible move for Tess in the first place? And, vitally, how long would the project last? After all, I couldn’t impersonate this woman indefinitely.
***
The debate over legalized/assisted suicide is a touchy subject, as much now as it was when Jack Kevorkian was first given the label “Dr. Death.� More than likely we’ll never find a suitable middle ground between the two extremes—those on one end promoting the sanctity of life (no matter how agonizing an individual’s situation), and those campaigning for an individual’s legal right to choose, if they so desire, the time, place, and method of their self-disposal, and whether or not they need help to make it all a reality.
Lottie Moggach’s first novel, Kiss Me First, introduces us to two women: the mid-twenties shut-in and World of Warcraft-obsessed Leila, and the almost-forty, severely bipolar Tess. The two women were introduced to one another by a third party—the enigmatic, smooth-talking, manipulative, libertarian-cum-objectivist (and Ayn Rand worshipper) Adrian Dervish. Adrian is the owner and operator of the website The Red Pill, “an oasis of reason, a forum for intellectual inquiry…� The website takes its name from the film The Matrix—from the pill Neo (Keanu Reeves) takes to pull back the curtain of his own isolationist reality and expose his mind to the truth of his surroundings. The site’s name is a targeted attack aimed at nerd stereotypes—those for whom the world outside of their computer monitors is uninteresting and void of worthwhile interactions. These are Adrian’s freedom thinkers—minds he knows, due to their limited social awareness, will be easily swayed by Philosophy 101 ideas and discussions that make every one of them feel superior in some way to the sheep grazing just outside their carefully walled garden.
Following her mother’s death from complications resulting from Multiple Sclerosis, Leila finds solace in The Red Pill’s community and quickly rises to the top of the “intellectual� pile. Her posts catch Adrian’s attention, and after some time he comes to her with a proposal: to help a young woman who’s lost her will to live—to help this young woman calmly, quietly end her life in a way that will prevent any caring, loving party from ever being the wiser. Why? Supposedly to prevent her family and friends the pain of learning of their daughter’s/friend’s/lover’s demise and to instead make them think as if she’s simply cut all ties in an effort to find herself� a play that seems almost as cold, if not colder than allowing them to think it was simply suicide, as it points the finger less at this woman’s inner pain and more at the people in her life, as if to say “it’s not me, it’s you.�
This, of course, is Tess—traditionally described bombshell exterior, malignant, troubled, exhausted interior, desperate for a way to put an end to her up-and-down existence, which has worn away her resolve.
The plan? For Leila to learn and absorb every salient detail of Tess’s life—from family events, relationships, and her youth, to more private details like random sexual encounters, drug use, and arguments and dissolved friendships. For several weeks Leila interviewed Tess about her life, down to her most secreted away moments, charting all of it like points on a map so that, following Tess’s “checkout� on April 14th, Leila could then assume Tess’s identity in order to falsely prolong her life while the genuine artefact finds a discreet opportunity and method through which to end her emotionally pained existence.
Of course, not everything goes as planned.
Kiss Me First is a first-hand account written after the fact as Leila is reflecting upon her time as Tess’s surrogate—time spent crafting a life as if she were piecing together an online avatar for a game. What’s clear from the outset is that the truth of Leila’s actions have been revealed, as has Adrian’s culpability as the leader of an Internet suicide cult responsible for synching gullible shut-ins with people who wish (or think they wish) to end their lives—people with significant money to be given to Adrian prior to their “checkout�. Following rather icy conversations with some of the more important people in Tess’s life (and the police), Leila embarks on a journey to trace Tess’s final days in hopes of putting a grace note on the whole ordeal, so that she and others can move on from this mess.
What else is clear from the outset? Leila is not a likable character. Nor, for that matter, is she a relatable one. In fact, this brings up the single largest problem I had with Kiss Me First: there is not one likeable character in the entire book—not Jonty, the annoying if-I-knew-him-I-would-kill-him-myself roommate; not Tess, whose decision to end her life in a way that would supposedly spare her loved ones pain is actually more selfish and destructive than if she had simply put a gun in her mouth; not Connor, the former lover with secrets all his own (again, selfish to the core); and most certainly not Adrian, whose modus operandi is to prey on those who rely on the simplest of online interactions to feel as if they have something worth living for.
Leila, however, is the most difficult to like—problematic, since she’s our main point of entry into this whole sordid affair. As a character, she’s horribly uneven. Due to her mom’s struggle with MS, Leila was forced to grow up a bit quicker than most. This affords her a certain amount of sympathy, but her later interactions show a dichotomy that never feels resolved: she has clear issues with social interaction (evidenced by the rather blunt, unfriendly manner in which she sifts through potential roommates), yet she knows all the questions she needs to ask Tess in order to provide a close approximation of her identity; she has a critical mind, but is easily taken in by Adrian’s soft-spoken platitudes; she is seemingly aware of her difficulties engaging with real-life humans and approaches such things from a moderately analytical point of view, yet she becomes twisted and obsessed with Connor with so little precursor.
It’s that last part that gave me the greatest difficulty—while impersonating Tess, former-flame Connor sweeps in via email, attempts to re-ignite in Tess the love they once shared, and Leila is so quickly taken by his charm (unwarranted, given the lecherous dickwad that he is) that she begins to see herself as being responsible for what he claims he feels for her: “It was only through the e-mail exchanges, my words, that he fell for her again. It was me who had created that love. Me.� And (spoiler alert) when Leila reveals to Connor the truth, that Tess has killed herself and it’s her he’s been corresponding with, she immediately asks him out, and is then put off by his very justifiable anger and revulsion. As much of a cad as Connor is, his reaction in this scene is believable and earned; it’s far easier to sympathize with him than with Leila, who appears to have imbibed in her very own special blend of Kool-Aid. The sensation reading this part was gross and unnerving—deliberate, I’m sure, but unpleasant all the same.
More than just actions, Leila’s dichotomous behaviour is further brought to light by her uneven tone and diction. At times, Leila feels her young, still impressionable age. However, her language and internal monologue are frequently erudite in ways that feel not necessarily mature for her age (she’s not), but manicured by, well, a novelist’s hands, turning her into an unrealistically objective and well-spoken ideal that is at odds with her presentation as someone almost completely detached from reality and the impact her decisions have had/will have on others.
Moggach’s writing is straight and narrow; there’s little colour and emotion in Leila’s world, save anger (from Connor and Tess’s mother) and the discomfort that comes from, as a reader, waiting for this rickety house of lies to cave in on itself. The novel is a quick read, but does little to paint the world with anything but flat hues.
Yet� it’s difficult to criticize the novel for this, because, as previously mentioned, it’s Leila who guides us through this world. Leila, who is flat, and grey, and missing that extra little bit of humanity that tells her how to read people’s emotions and tailor her reactions accordingly. It’s Leila who is uncertain how to trust, how to socialize, how to express interest in another person as herself and not through the skin and experience of an avatar—even if said avatar was once a real-life, flesh-and-blood person. Her gamification of the world is unpleasant, but necessary for the character—someone whose imagination is limited by her already enclosed, often difficult emotional journey.
The growth Leila does experience comes not from gaining a better understanding of the world, or even who she is and whether or not what she’s done is on some level right, or completely, deplorably wrong, but from learning that it is possible to trust people, and that forgiveness is not given but earned—and sometimes it is altogether impossible. The ambiguity that ends the novel is its strongest element, because the details of Tess’s death or disappearance do not matter, nor does it matter that Leila does not receive the emotional closure she desires. What matters is that when all is cleared away, Leila has not necessarily done what she feels is right, but what she knows objectively to be right, and in doing so, by attempting to mend gulfs she herself has either created or exaggerated, she has earned both her freedom and Tess’s.
My experience with Kiss Me First was noticeably uneven. The novel is a perfect example of something being more interesting than it is enjoyable; while the story itself was compelling and kept me turning pages until the very end, the detestable nature of almost every character (save for Annie, the kindly woman from Connecticut Leila meets while following Tess’s cold trail) did its best to keep me from ever wanting to get too close to the narrative, preferring to view its outcome from a place of emotional reserve.
“Naturally, your immediate concern will be whether she is of sound mind,� said Adrian. “Well, I’ve known Tess for a while now, and I can assure you she knows exactly what she’s doing. Is she a colorful character? Yes. Crazy? Absolutely not.�
After that reassurance, my thoughts then turned to practical matters. As long as I had the relevant information to hand, I thought, the logistics of imitating this woman online seemed fairly straightforward: answering the odd e-mail, a few status updates a week. Adrian told me the woman was quite old, in her late thirties; hopefully that meant she wouldn’t even write in text-speak.
Rather, my worries were about the premise and the conclusion of the operation. Was this “new life abroad� a plausible move for Tess in the first place? And, vitally, how long would the project last? After all, I couldn’t impersonate this woman indefinitely.
***
The debate over legalized/assisted suicide is a touchy subject, as much now as it was when Jack Kevorkian was first given the label “Dr. Death.� More than likely we’ll never find a suitable middle ground between the two extremes—those on one end promoting the sanctity of life (no matter how agonizing an individual’s situation), and those campaigning for an individual’s legal right to choose, if they so desire, the time, place, and method of their self-disposal, and whether or not they need help to make it all a reality.
Lottie Moggach’s first novel, Kiss Me First, introduces us to two women: the mid-twenties shut-in and World of Warcraft-obsessed Leila, and the almost-forty, severely bipolar Tess. The two women were introduced to one another by a third party—the enigmatic, smooth-talking, manipulative, libertarian-cum-objectivist (and Ayn Rand worshipper) Adrian Dervish. Adrian is the owner and operator of the website The Red Pill, “an oasis of reason, a forum for intellectual inquiry…� The website takes its name from the film The Matrix—from the pill Neo (Keanu Reeves) takes to pull back the curtain of his own isolationist reality and expose his mind to the truth of his surroundings. The site’s name is a targeted attack aimed at nerd stereotypes—those for whom the world outside of their computer monitors is uninteresting and void of worthwhile interactions. These are Adrian’s freedom thinkers—minds he knows, due to their limited social awareness, will be easily swayed by Philosophy 101 ideas and discussions that make every one of them feel superior in some way to the sheep grazing just outside their carefully walled garden.
Following her mother’s death from complications resulting from Multiple Sclerosis, Leila finds solace in The Red Pill’s community and quickly rises to the top of the “intellectual� pile. Her posts catch Adrian’s attention, and after some time he comes to her with a proposal: to help a young woman who’s lost her will to live—to help this young woman calmly, quietly end her life in a way that will prevent any caring, loving party from ever being the wiser. Why? Supposedly to prevent her family and friends the pain of learning of their daughter’s/friend’s/lover’s demise and to instead make them think as if she’s simply cut all ties in an effort to find herself� a play that seems almost as cold, if not colder than allowing them to think it was simply suicide, as it points the finger less at this woman’s inner pain and more at the people in her life, as if to say “it’s not me, it’s you.�
This, of course, is Tess—traditionally described bombshell exterior, malignant, troubled, exhausted interior, desperate for a way to put an end to her up-and-down existence, which has worn away her resolve.
The plan? For Leila to learn and absorb every salient detail of Tess’s life—from family events, relationships, and her youth, to more private details like random sexual encounters, drug use, and arguments and dissolved friendships. For several weeks Leila interviewed Tess about her life, down to her most secreted away moments, charting all of it like points on a map so that, following Tess’s “checkout� on April 14th, Leila could then assume Tess’s identity in order to falsely prolong her life while the genuine artefact finds a discreet opportunity and method through which to end her emotionally pained existence.
Of course, not everything goes as planned.
Kiss Me First is a first-hand account written after the fact as Leila is reflecting upon her time as Tess’s surrogate—time spent crafting a life as if she were piecing together an online avatar for a game. What’s clear from the outset is that the truth of Leila’s actions have been revealed, as has Adrian’s culpability as the leader of an Internet suicide cult responsible for synching gullible shut-ins with people who wish (or think they wish) to end their lives—people with significant money to be given to Adrian prior to their “checkout�. Following rather icy conversations with some of the more important people in Tess’s life (and the police), Leila embarks on a journey to trace Tess’s final days in hopes of putting a grace note on the whole ordeal, so that she and others can move on from this mess.
What else is clear from the outset? Leila is not a likable character. Nor, for that matter, is she a relatable one. In fact, this brings up the single largest problem I had with Kiss Me First: there is not one likeable character in the entire book—not Jonty, the annoying if-I-knew-him-I-would-kill-him-myself roommate; not Tess, whose decision to end her life in a way that would supposedly spare her loved ones pain is actually more selfish and destructive than if she had simply put a gun in her mouth; not Connor, the former lover with secrets all his own (again, selfish to the core); and most certainly not Adrian, whose modus operandi is to prey on those who rely on the simplest of online interactions to feel as if they have something worth living for.
Leila, however, is the most difficult to like—problematic, since she’s our main point of entry into this whole sordid affair. As a character, she’s horribly uneven. Due to her mom’s struggle with MS, Leila was forced to grow up a bit quicker than most. This affords her a certain amount of sympathy, but her later interactions show a dichotomy that never feels resolved: she has clear issues with social interaction (evidenced by the rather blunt, unfriendly manner in which she sifts through potential roommates), yet she knows all the questions she needs to ask Tess in order to provide a close approximation of her identity; she has a critical mind, but is easily taken in by Adrian’s soft-spoken platitudes; she is seemingly aware of her difficulties engaging with real-life humans and approaches such things from a moderately analytical point of view, yet she becomes twisted and obsessed with Connor with so little precursor.
It’s that last part that gave me the greatest difficulty—while impersonating Tess, former-flame Connor sweeps in via email, attempts to re-ignite in Tess the love they once shared, and Leila is so quickly taken by his charm (unwarranted, given the lecherous dickwad that he is) that she begins to see herself as being responsible for what he claims he feels for her: “It was only through the e-mail exchanges, my words, that he fell for her again. It was me who had created that love. Me.� And (spoiler alert) when Leila reveals to Connor the truth, that Tess has killed herself and it’s her he’s been corresponding with, she immediately asks him out, and is then put off by his very justifiable anger and revulsion. As much of a cad as Connor is, his reaction in this scene is believable and earned; it’s far easier to sympathize with him than with Leila, who appears to have imbibed in her very own special blend of Kool-Aid. The sensation reading this part was gross and unnerving—deliberate, I’m sure, but unpleasant all the same.
More than just actions, Leila’s dichotomous behaviour is further brought to light by her uneven tone and diction. At times, Leila feels her young, still impressionable age. However, her language and internal monologue are frequently erudite in ways that feel not necessarily mature for her age (she’s not), but manicured by, well, a novelist’s hands, turning her into an unrealistically objective and well-spoken ideal that is at odds with her presentation as someone almost completely detached from reality and the impact her decisions have had/will have on others.
Moggach’s writing is straight and narrow; there’s little colour and emotion in Leila’s world, save anger (from Connor and Tess’s mother) and the discomfort that comes from, as a reader, waiting for this rickety house of lies to cave in on itself. The novel is a quick read, but does little to paint the world with anything but flat hues.
Yet� it’s difficult to criticize the novel for this, because, as previously mentioned, it’s Leila who guides us through this world. Leila, who is flat, and grey, and missing that extra little bit of humanity that tells her how to read people’s emotions and tailor her reactions accordingly. It’s Leila who is uncertain how to trust, how to socialize, how to express interest in another person as herself and not through the skin and experience of an avatar—even if said avatar was once a real-life, flesh-and-blood person. Her gamification of the world is unpleasant, but necessary for the character—someone whose imagination is limited by her already enclosed, often difficult emotional journey.
The growth Leila does experience comes not from gaining a better understanding of the world, or even who she is and whether or not what she’s done is on some level right, or completely, deplorably wrong, but from learning that it is possible to trust people, and that forgiveness is not given but earned—and sometimes it is altogether impossible. The ambiguity that ends the novel is its strongest element, because the details of Tess’s death or disappearance do not matter, nor does it matter that Leila does not receive the emotional closure she desires. What matters is that when all is cleared away, Leila has not necessarily done what she feels is right, but what she knows objectively to be right, and in doing so, by attempting to mend gulfs she herself has either created or exaggerated, she has earned both her freedom and Tess’s.
My experience with Kiss Me First was noticeably uneven. The novel is a perfect example of something being more interesting than it is enjoyable; while the story itself was compelling and kept me turning pages until the very end, the detestable nature of almost every character (save for Annie, the kindly woman from Connecticut Leila meets while following Tess’s cold trail) did its best to keep me from ever wanting to get too close to the narrative, preferring to view its outcome from a place of emotional reserve.
November 27, 2013
Really, really liked the idea and the first 8/10ths of this book. I love the idea of unreliable narrators, and this narrator was pitch-perfect. As a reader, I didn't like her but I was interested in her, which I find a necessity when the protagonist is pretty much unlikeable. I think that the idea of getting sucked in to someone else's life via the internet is plausible and all too real, and most of the book I found absolutely chilling.
However, the ending almost completely ruined the book for me. No real spoilers here--just that the story kind of...ended... I think that the ending was too pat and tied up for me. I think that if you're going to write a story with so many obviously unbalanced people, your readers are going to feel cheated without some type of big ending. I just put the book down and was like, well, whatever. It almost felt like the author either ran out of steam or wanted to take the story in a completely different direction than the rest of the book.
However, the ending almost completely ruined the book for me. No real spoilers here--just that the story kind of...ended... I think that the ending was too pat and tied up for me. I think that if you're going to write a story with so many obviously unbalanced people, your readers are going to feel cheated without some type of big ending. I just put the book down and was like, well, whatever. It almost felt like the author either ran out of steam or wanted to take the story in a completely different direction than the rest of the book.
September 3, 2018
It would be impossible to go into great detail about this book, or even try to explain why I liked it so much without revealing major aspects of the story. It is better, perhaps, if I offer reasons why you should read it:
The story crackles with a low tension, seething underneath. You know sooner or later sometimes going to come undone and release that tension in all its ferocity. You just don’t know when.
It’s been a long time since I read a book that takes place over a short period of time (months) yet it is possible to see the major changes in a character’s personality. Author Lottie Moggath excels in this area, allowing the character Leila to reveal herself completely. Much of the layer peeling is done so masterfully that it might be possible to miss. Whenever I spotted these clues, I was reminded of watching horror movies when you know the heroine would be safe but for some reason, she always does what you know she shouldn’t.
The plot itself is a mosaic of different elements, all known to us due to past events in our lives. It is the fusing of these familiar elements into something new that transforms Ms. Moggath’s book into a compelling read.
And, just to be fair, this book is not a thriller or heavy with suspense (though the suspense of not knowing or trying to guess where the story is going is present). Some people may not like the characters, but I thought building the characters of Leila and Tess was more important than whether I liked them or not (I preferred to appreciate what the author accomplished). This is a book that will force you to think (and maybe not in directions you would not willingly travel), and is not for those seeking a shot of adrenaline.
Bottom line: Excellent plot that twists and grows into something new, coupled with a strong characterization of Leila, which propels the book. While this is not an action/adventure/thriller novel, the strength of the writing is powerful. Once near the end, we are left with no choice but to continue reading as the climax rushes toward us. Five stars.
The story crackles with a low tension, seething underneath. You know sooner or later sometimes going to come undone and release that tension in all its ferocity. You just don’t know when.
It’s been a long time since I read a book that takes place over a short period of time (months) yet it is possible to see the major changes in a character’s personality. Author Lottie Moggath excels in this area, allowing the character Leila to reveal herself completely. Much of the layer peeling is done so masterfully that it might be possible to miss. Whenever I spotted these clues, I was reminded of watching horror movies when you know the heroine would be safe but for some reason, she always does what you know she shouldn’t.
The plot itself is a mosaic of different elements, all known to us due to past events in our lives. It is the fusing of these familiar elements into something new that transforms Ms. Moggath’s book into a compelling read.
And, just to be fair, this book is not a thriller or heavy with suspense (though the suspense of not knowing or trying to guess where the story is going is present). Some people may not like the characters, but I thought building the characters of Leila and Tess was more important than whether I liked them or not (I preferred to appreciate what the author accomplished). This is a book that will force you to think (and maybe not in directions you would not willingly travel), and is not for those seeking a shot of adrenaline.
Bottom line: Excellent plot that twists and grows into something new, coupled with a strong characterization of Leila, which propels the book. While this is not an action/adventure/thriller novel, the strength of the writing is powerful. Once near the end, we are left with no choice but to continue reading as the climax rushes toward us. Five stars.
July 14, 2013
Every so often a book comes along that hooks you from the very first page. This one was an extremely accomplished first novel that I read in one enjoyable sitting, mesmerised by the turns and twists in the story and absolute fascination with the character of Leila. “Unputdownable� is an overused expression � but this book really is!
Leila is the narrator, telling the story after it happened. She is a solitary individual, having worked from home in IT testing while looking after her dying mother. Left alone, she begins to live her life on line, first through Warcraft and then by discovering the Red Pill website where she engages in philosophical debate and becomes a trusted member. When approached by the site’s founder � the charismatic Adrian � she agrees to assume the on-line presence of Tess, a manic depressive who wants to commit suicide without hurting her family or friends. We watch with fascination as she learns every detail about Tess� life leading up to the day Tess disappears and the game really starts.
This is a fascinating and absorbing story that made me feel really uncomfortable on a number of occasions � there’s a real feeling of “this could really happen� about the whole story, with the way in which we all live our lives on line these days. And it’s perfectly written � Leila has an unworldly naivety and innocence which makes her endearing, with her awkward attempts at social interaction and the precision with which she takes on her task.
I must mention the wonderful Facebook trailer produced to accompany the book � you need to be logged on to Facebook to access it, and it uses your personal details to produce a very unsettling experience. Nothing will be posted on your Facebook profile, and your details won’t be shared.
I’m dying to see what Lottie Moggach comes up with next!
Leila is the narrator, telling the story after it happened. She is a solitary individual, having worked from home in IT testing while looking after her dying mother. Left alone, she begins to live her life on line, first through Warcraft and then by discovering the Red Pill website where she engages in philosophical debate and becomes a trusted member. When approached by the site’s founder � the charismatic Adrian � she agrees to assume the on-line presence of Tess, a manic depressive who wants to commit suicide without hurting her family or friends. We watch with fascination as she learns every detail about Tess� life leading up to the day Tess disappears and the game really starts.
This is a fascinating and absorbing story that made me feel really uncomfortable on a number of occasions � there’s a real feeling of “this could really happen� about the whole story, with the way in which we all live our lives on line these days. And it’s perfectly written � Leila has an unworldly naivety and innocence which makes her endearing, with her awkward attempts at social interaction and the precision with which she takes on her task.
I must mention the wonderful Facebook trailer produced to accompany the book � you need to be logged on to Facebook to access it, and it uses your personal details to produce a very unsettling experience. Nothing will be posted on your Facebook profile, and your details won’t be shared.
I’m dying to see what Lottie Moggach comes up with next!
January 12, 2016
I'm not really sure how to rate this book, mostly because I know people will instantly judge me for hating it. I'll start off by saying, I went into this book knowing that the author had intentionally made the main character unlikeable. And that's not what I hated. Not at all. To be honest, having Leila unlikeable would have made this book very interesting, BUT none of the other characters were likeable either.
Tess was a party animal who "lived too much" and although we can all relate to her on a small level, there are very few who can relate to her on a larger scale. She's in a few words slutty, irresponsible, an addict, and a hoarder. She also is extremely popular for some reason, and hates her parents even though they were the only ones willing to investigate after she "left." Connor is a horrible human as well. Annie and Milo were decent characters, but we hardly had any interaction with them to really form a relationship. And all of the other characters are either insignificant, or horrible people as well.
The plot was slow moving. The book has been described as "chilling" and "intense" but I would describe it as "depressing" and "slow." Most of the plot is Leila sitting on her computer communicating to Tess's friends, or her wondering about something that most people on the planet have a vast understanding about, or her walking around a commune trying to find clues (which there are hardly any).
What upsets me the most is that this book had so much potential, and it just flopped. Midway through I wanted to quit. And when I finally made it to the last chapter I had thought of five different "intense" ways the book could have ended. But, it just kind of ended with hardly any conclusion.
I do not recommend unless you have A LOT of free time.
Tess was a party animal who "lived too much" and although we can all relate to her on a small level, there are very few who can relate to her on a larger scale. She's in a few words slutty, irresponsible, an addict, and a hoarder. She also is extremely popular for some reason, and hates her parents even though they were the only ones willing to investigate after she "left." Connor is a horrible human as well. Annie and Milo were decent characters, but we hardly had any interaction with them to really form a relationship. And all of the other characters are either insignificant, or horrible people as well.
The plot was slow moving. The book has been described as "chilling" and "intense" but I would describe it as "depressing" and "slow." Most of the plot is Leila sitting on her computer communicating to Tess's friends, or her wondering about something that most people on the planet have a vast understanding about, or her walking around a commune trying to find clues (which there are hardly any).
What upsets me the most is that this book had so much potential, and it just flopped. Midway through I wanted to quit. And when I finally made it to the last chapter I had thought of five different "intense" ways the book could have ended. But, it just kind of ended with hardly any conclusion.
I do not recommend unless you have A LOT of free time.
November 13, 2020
Ecco un libro che nella prima parte fa fatica a carburare, ma che si impenna vertiginosamente nella seconda, fino a diventare insostituibile. Letteralmente impossibile da mettere giù, intelligente... Una vera sorpresa. Per essere un'opera prima, è costruito molto bene, e soprattutto la narrazione dal punto di vista del personaggio principale, Leila, così diversa dalle solite eroine femminili materne e affidabili, non può che essere interessante.
Leila è una ragazza solitaria, impegnata ad occuparsi della madre malata di SLA e lavorare al computer da casa come tester. La sua vita si svolge interamente online: all'inizio giocando a WoW, poi entrando nel forum Red Pill (sì, la citazione non è casuale). Il sito si occupa principalmente di facilitare dibattiti filosofici tra i membri, permettendo un "passaggio di livello" non appena si è notati dal founder, Adrian. L'incontro con quest'ultimo segnerà l'inizio del suo rapporto con Tess, donna bipolare prossima al suicidio, della quale poi prenderà il posto. Leila cerca di carpire ogni dettaglio della vita di Tess, per poter recitare al meglio il suo ruolo online, ma non mette in conto che qualcosa potrebbe andare storto...
La denuncia di questo libro alle vite online, a quanto ognuno di noi sia manipolabile e rimpiazzabile, non può che lasciare senza fiato e anche terrorizzati. Inoltre, è molto facile empatizzare con il personaggio di Leila, nonostante .
La vita online è segnata dalla vendita dei nostri dati a terzi: siamo proprio sicuri di sapere come questi saranno utilizzati?
Leila è una ragazza solitaria, impegnata ad occuparsi della madre malata di SLA e lavorare al computer da casa come tester. La sua vita si svolge interamente online: all'inizio giocando a WoW, poi entrando nel forum Red Pill (sì, la citazione non è casuale). Il sito si occupa principalmente di facilitare dibattiti filosofici tra i membri, permettendo un "passaggio di livello" non appena si è notati dal founder, Adrian. L'incontro con quest'ultimo segnerà l'inizio del suo rapporto con Tess, donna bipolare prossima al suicidio, della quale poi prenderà il posto. Leila cerca di carpire ogni dettaglio della vita di Tess, per poter recitare al meglio il suo ruolo online, ma non mette in conto che qualcosa potrebbe andare storto...
La denuncia di questo libro alle vite online, a quanto ognuno di noi sia manipolabile e rimpiazzabile, non può che lasciare senza fiato e anche terrorizzati. Inoltre, è molto facile empatizzare con il personaggio di Leila, nonostante .
La vita online è segnata dalla vendita dei nostri dati a terzi: siamo proprio sicuri di sapere come questi saranno utilizzati?
July 18, 2013
KISS ME FIRST is so accomplished and affecting it's hard to believe it's a debut. Most simply put, it's a literary thriller about a suicide cult and identity theft, which makes this book sound rather cheesy, a gimmick propelled by cyberparanoia. It's not, and I say this as someone whose eyes glaze over at the mention of cyberpunk. At the center of the story is a deliciously unreliable narrator named Leila, a loner who spends a lot time online. Moggach is too sophisticated of a writer to give her characters diagnoses, but one of the things I love about this book is how she makes Leila weird in ways that seem both quite believable and completely unique. She's the odd kid in every class photo, the undiagnosed Aspie cousin. And even though Leila is up to something appalling, Lottie Moggach's gift is making Leila's decisions understandable and ultimately heartbreaking. That, I think, is KISS ME FIRST's greatest accomplishment: it manages to be an ideas-driven thriller---in the vein of William Gibson or even Michel Houellebecq---yet it has surprising heart.
It's particularly thrilling that this is Moggach's first book. I think she's a Gillian Flynn level talent, particularly in terms of her eye for social detail and deep, yet effortless characterization. I can't wait to read what she comes up with next.
It's particularly thrilling that this is Moggach's first book. I think she's a Gillian Flynn level talent, particularly in terms of her eye for social detail and deep, yet effortless characterization. I can't wait to read what she comes up with next.
September 23, 2013
What an interesting new writer! I will read whatever she writes next.
This book's plot is unusual (the narrator/main character is an intelligent but naive and socially isolated misfit - Leila - who is persuaded to assist a psychopath who runs a suicide-assistance cult - by pretending to "be" the online persona of Tess, who he is persuading to commit suicide, in order to create the illusion that Tess is still alive after her death.)
I really enjoyed the unfolding of Leila's character and how the story evolves. The author gives Leila a quite convincing voice, and the book was a pleasure from beginning to end. Quite suspensful, given that there is not a lot of action.
I didn't find the goodreads "blurb" about the book very helpful, and I found several of the reviews unhelpful as well. It's clear that not everyone liked Leila as much as I did. (Some found her "impossible to like" - not my feeling!) So be it.
I was interested to see (from one of the reviews) that the author, Lottie Moggach, is the daughter of Deborah Moggach, who wrote The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
This book's plot is unusual (the narrator/main character is an intelligent but naive and socially isolated misfit - Leila - who is persuaded to assist a psychopath who runs a suicide-assistance cult - by pretending to "be" the online persona of Tess, who he is persuading to commit suicide, in order to create the illusion that Tess is still alive after her death.)
I really enjoyed the unfolding of Leila's character and how the story evolves. The author gives Leila a quite convincing voice, and the book was a pleasure from beginning to end. Quite suspensful, given that there is not a lot of action.
I didn't find the goodreads "blurb" about the book very helpful, and I found several of the reviews unhelpful as well. It's clear that not everyone liked Leila as much as I did. (Some found her "impossible to like" - not my feeling!) So be it.
I was interested to see (from one of the reviews) that the author, Lottie Moggach, is the daughter of Deborah Moggach, who wrote The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
May 2, 2013
Party girl wants to commit suicide and hires geek girl to impersonate her online afterwards. Expect a few twists and impending disaster. Hidden inside the thriller is a commentary-lite on (post-modern?) identity, suicide, euthanasia, free will, and responsibility. So we have a highish-brow thriller. The author tries hard to leave a lot of ambiguity in the plot, but, I feel, brought it to slightly tidier an ending than it wanted. Debut-author insecurity or editorial pressure? Anyway, it is a page-turner and has several "what just happened moments". Happy to have read this towards my quota of fiction titles this year.
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August 14, 2013
3.5 stars Fascinating, and not what I expected, both good and bad. I have no problems at all with the "unlikeability" of the narrator, and while the dispassionate writing style isn't my favorite, it could be a deliberate choice given the subject of the novel. It does lag a bit here and there, and I think it could have used more tension and emotional stakes. And smoothing out if some of those loose ends, even if they're not neatly clipped. But ultimately, this kept my interest and is worth checking out if you're curious.
PS--Written like adult fiction rather than genre-style thriller writing, though. Just so you know.
PS--Written like adult fiction rather than genre-style thriller writing, though. Just so you know.
March 26, 2016
2.5 stars - It was alright, an average book.
It would seem that the folks that are shelving this one as a mystery/thriller have not yet read it. In actuality it is a slow moving philosophical character study. This one could possibly make for interesting discussion in a book club, but it is a bit too strange and far fetched to be a pleasurable read.
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First Sentence: It was a Friday night, about nine weeks into the project.
It would seem that the folks that are shelving this one as a mystery/thriller have not yet read it. In actuality it is a slow moving philosophical character study. This one could possibly make for interesting discussion in a book club, but it is a bit too strange and far fetched to be a pleasurable read.
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First Sentence: It was a Friday night, about nine weeks into the project.
July 29, 2013
We've all seen or heard those commercials warning us about predators just waiting and luring on-line to steal our identity.
But what if instead of stealing your identity, you wanted someone else to assume your identity to protect your family and friends from the truth that you'd decided to shuffle off this mortal coil?
That's the premise of Lottie Moggach's fascinating novel Kiss Me First. An avid World of Warcraft fan, Leila is used to the idea of on-line role playing. After discovering the philosophical discussion forum The Red Pill (referencing The Matrix trilogy), Leila begins to make a name of herself in the on-line community and is approached by its mysterious founder and podcaster with an opportunity. Leila will assume the on-line identity of Tess, a young woman who wants to take her own life but doesn't want to cause her family or friends any pain or suffering. Leila's task is to study Tess in every detail and then assume her identity on-line -- Facebook, e-mails and other social networking connections -- all while Tess removes herself from the world. The idea is that Tess will move far away and Leila will provide status updates and responses to friends and family to help put their mind at ease that Tess is alive and well.
Leila accepts and spends several months trying to get to know all about Tess. Then, Tess decides it's time to go and Leila steps into the role of playing Tess.
All goes well for a while, until a romantic entanglement from the past resurfaces -- one that Tess didn't give Leila many details about. As Leila and the long-lost boyfriend connect, Leila slowly begins to take more and more chances in connecting with members of Tess' life, leading to some fascinating consequences.
As a page turning thriller, Kiss Me First delivers in spades. The chapters are divided between Leila's search for where Tess really went and the truth behind her disappearance and flashbacks to Leila's work to assume Tess' on-line identity. Questions of just how well we can really know someone we only interact with on-line abound and in the light of the reality series Catfish and the real-world situation with former Notre Dame player Manti Te'o last year, there are some fascinating questions raised and implications pondered.
My one grip is that while the novel explains the title and its significance, the cover art isn't fully explained or justified by the novel. With this novel and The Shining Girls hitting the market and my shelf this summer, I couldn't help but wonder if having flies on the cover of your novel is the latest trend in publishing.
But what if instead of stealing your identity, you wanted someone else to assume your identity to protect your family and friends from the truth that you'd decided to shuffle off this mortal coil?
That's the premise of Lottie Moggach's fascinating novel Kiss Me First. An avid World of Warcraft fan, Leila is used to the idea of on-line role playing. After discovering the philosophical discussion forum The Red Pill (referencing The Matrix trilogy), Leila begins to make a name of herself in the on-line community and is approached by its mysterious founder and podcaster with an opportunity. Leila will assume the on-line identity of Tess, a young woman who wants to take her own life but doesn't want to cause her family or friends any pain or suffering. Leila's task is to study Tess in every detail and then assume her identity on-line -- Facebook, e-mails and other social networking connections -- all while Tess removes herself from the world. The idea is that Tess will move far away and Leila will provide status updates and responses to friends and family to help put their mind at ease that Tess is alive and well.
Leila accepts and spends several months trying to get to know all about Tess. Then, Tess decides it's time to go and Leila steps into the role of playing Tess.
All goes well for a while, until a romantic entanglement from the past resurfaces -- one that Tess didn't give Leila many details about. As Leila and the long-lost boyfriend connect, Leila slowly begins to take more and more chances in connecting with members of Tess' life, leading to some fascinating consequences.
As a page turning thriller, Kiss Me First delivers in spades. The chapters are divided between Leila's search for where Tess really went and the truth behind her disappearance and flashbacks to Leila's work to assume Tess' on-line identity. Questions of just how well we can really know someone we only interact with on-line abound and in the light of the reality series Catfish and the real-world situation with former Notre Dame player Manti Te'o last year, there are some fascinating questions raised and implications pondered.
My one grip is that while the novel explains the title and its significance, the cover art isn't fully explained or justified by the novel. With this novel and The Shining Girls hitting the market and my shelf this summer, I couldn't help but wonder if having flies on the cover of your novel is the latest trend in publishing.
April 7, 2013
Someone gave me an ARC of this, which comes out in July. I don't usually get into reading stuff long before it is out, because I'm such a whore for book reviews. How will I know a book is worth my time without Publisher's Weekly telling me so? But one of the blurbs called it something like Patricia Highsmith for the Facebook age, so I decided to live dangerously. While the blurb may have been a bit over-the-top, this was a really original page-turner that gets under your skin. I could see this being one of the big summer thrillers.
October 27, 2017
I absolutely loved this book and when I say I couldn't put it down , I literally mean I couldn't put it down !.It tells you a lot about social media and just the exact amount of personal information people talk about / put. It is for me rather touching and even though I struggled the understand the main characters perspective , I still found her to be interesting and strong.She kept to her views and I respect that.
July 22, 2013
(Note: don't judge this book by its cover. The cover is stupid, and after reading it, I don't have the vaguest idea how the cover image relates to the book itself.)
By JENNY SHANK Special Contributor, Dallas Morning News
Published: 13 July 2013 03:08 PM
A young rationalist named Leila narrates Lottie Moggach’s smart, absorbing debut Kiss Me First, which explores the nature of real and virtual relationships. Leila details her unusual relationship with Tess, whom Leila agrees to impersonate online so Tess can commit suicide undetected.
Leila is so firm of opinion and limited in experience that when she visits a hippie commune in Spain, looking for any trace of Tess, she doesn’t try to fit in. In the offline world, Leila is tone deaf and cold-hearted, even when it comes to the cutest of endangered creatures. “Extinction is a part of life on Earth,� she tells the commune residents. “And if pandas are inefficient and ill-equipped to deal with life, then we should let them die out. We shouldn’t be sentimental.�
Leila is unwilling to alter her beliefs or actions to make herself palatable to others � and this is what’s most appealing about her. Online, she’s better adapted. Although she doesn’t care for the “banal drama� her former high school classmates report on Facebook, Leila’s capable at World of Warcraft, an online role-playing game, which leads her to the Ayn Rand-worshipping philosophy site Red Pill, where she earns the status of “Elite Thinker.�
Leila grew up in London with her mother, who “always said she didn’t need anything else as long as she had me.� At first this sentiment seems sweet, but as we learn more about Leila’s early life, it becomes less so. She rarely left the house, made few friends at school and opted not to attend college as her mother declined from multiple sclerosis.
Before Leila’s mom died, she bought her daughter a flat above a curry restaurant in a seedy neighborhood, in which Leila lives alone, telecommuting as a software tester so that she barely has to interact with other people. She lives off “crisps� � chips � and has no friends until the founder of Red Pill, Adrian Dervish, reaches out to her.
The website’s name refers to The Matrix. Leila explains: “The film’s characters, unaware that they are in a virtually simulated world, are invited to either take a blue pill to stay ignorant or a red pill to be faced with reality, however upsetting it might be.�
Leila is a strong proponent of euthanasia after her mother’s difficult death, but she and Adrian take this further. In an interview that Leila thinks is for a job as a moderator on Red Pill, she parrots Adrian’s ideas: “Deciding upon the time and place of your death is the ultimate expression of self-ownership. � Anyone who [believes] in personal freedom cannot be opposed to suicide.�
Leila accepts Adrian’s assignment to impersonate Tess, a gorgeous, dynamic yet scatterbrained woman suffering from bipolar disorder. Tess wishes to kill herself without her family and friends knowing, thinking this will spare them pain. Leila researches Tess� life intensely through email correspondence and Skype chats and becomes fond of her, despite their opposite natures.
While Leila has never been kissed, Tess has enjoyed so many paramours that she can’t remember them all. While Leila barely leaves her home, Tess travels extensively. While Tess “eagerly embraced mystical fads, becoming obsessed with homeopathy and crystals,� Leila always wants to see proof. While Leila is a clear thinker, everything Tess did was “full of digressions and inconsistencies, the facts clouded by retrospective emotions.�
When Leila assumes Tess� Facebook and email accounts, she becomes engrossed. “I immersed myself in building up Tess� life, imagining what she was going to wear that day and have for her lunch and the next thing she was going to buy for her new flat. It was like having an avatar, but much better.�
Moggach cuts back and forth between Leila’s search at the commune for signs of what happened to Tess and Leila’s account of the events leading up to this search. Moggach gradually unravels mysteries, and Leila emerges from isolation, often in a misguided way. Leila retains persistent self-confidence despite evidence that she lacks the love, acceptance and adventure most people seek. She winningly describes herself as “not that fat � a size 14.�
Kiss Me First will attract readers with its up-to-the-minute Internet plot, but will keep them through its character-driven focus, psychological depth and fresh narrator. Moggach burrows into these characters� heads so thoroughly that if anyone could pull off an online impersonation, she could.
Jenny Shank’s first novel, The Ringer, won the High Plains Book Award.
December 14, 2015
Leila spends most of her life on the Internet, one day she finds a forum called Red Pill, which discusses philosophical ideas. She feels at home on this site and becomes a regular contributor. One day the creator of the site approaches her with a secret project. Tess is looking for a way to end her life without hurting her friends and family. She asks Leila to continue her online life for her so she can slip away from the world unnoticed.
This will be a hard book to review and I will try not to give away any spoilers that aren’t in the book blurb. Written in the style of an online journal, the reader will slowly explore the motivations behind Tess wanting to kill herself, why Leila decides to help and the aftermath that follows. This was a real page-turner and it made me miss forums, but not online journals (I never was good at that) because I have a book blog and it is pretty much an online journal of my reading life.
I love the concept of this book, in a world where we spend most of the time communicating online, what is to say that we are truly communicating with the intended person. Their identity could have been stolen, it could be someone pretending to be someone they are not or someone has taken over their life after they completed suicide. There is no real way to tell that is really happening in the online world.
The Internet is a tricky thing to portray in a novel, with changing technology and new trends, how do you stay relevant. Also do you write the book in text/IM language and use memes and current trends to tell the story? Kiss Me First is not trying to say the Internet and social networking is bad but just using it as a tool to tell this mystery.
I’m always interested in how the Internet is portrayed in a novel and Kiss Me First has managed to get the balance right. A mixture of nostalgia towards dying sites like the online journal or forums, relevance when talking about social networking, and tongue in cheek when talking about never understanding what text/IM language is all about. For some, the narrative might not be the easiest to read but if you have spent time reading online journals at any point of time, you will pick it up pretty easily.
I really enjoyed this novel, the mystery was pretty ordinary but there were some surprises. I preferred the philosophical questions and the way Lottie Moggach explored the online life with such ease. I was surprised to learn that this was a debut novel; it was executed well and offered some interesting thoughts on social networking. Also credit where credit is due, the approach to the internet was handled well; I think it will stand the test of time for a while and not age as fast as some novels. Kiss Me First has been getting a lot of attention lately and it really was a thrilling novel and is sure to entertain the readers, especially if you spend most of your day online.
This review originally appeared on my blog;
This will be a hard book to review and I will try not to give away any spoilers that aren’t in the book blurb. Written in the style of an online journal, the reader will slowly explore the motivations behind Tess wanting to kill herself, why Leila decides to help and the aftermath that follows. This was a real page-turner and it made me miss forums, but not online journals (I never was good at that) because I have a book blog and it is pretty much an online journal of my reading life.
I love the concept of this book, in a world where we spend most of the time communicating online, what is to say that we are truly communicating with the intended person. Their identity could have been stolen, it could be someone pretending to be someone they are not or someone has taken over their life after they completed suicide. There is no real way to tell that is really happening in the online world.
The Internet is a tricky thing to portray in a novel, with changing technology and new trends, how do you stay relevant. Also do you write the book in text/IM language and use memes and current trends to tell the story? Kiss Me First is not trying to say the Internet and social networking is bad but just using it as a tool to tell this mystery.
I’m always interested in how the Internet is portrayed in a novel and Kiss Me First has managed to get the balance right. A mixture of nostalgia towards dying sites like the online journal or forums, relevance when talking about social networking, and tongue in cheek when talking about never understanding what text/IM language is all about. For some, the narrative might not be the easiest to read but if you have spent time reading online journals at any point of time, you will pick it up pretty easily.
I really enjoyed this novel, the mystery was pretty ordinary but there were some surprises. I preferred the philosophical questions and the way Lottie Moggach explored the online life with such ease. I was surprised to learn that this was a debut novel; it was executed well and offered some interesting thoughts on social networking. Also credit where credit is due, the approach to the internet was handled well; I think it will stand the test of time for a while and not age as fast as some novels. Kiss Me First has been getting a lot of attention lately and it really was a thrilling novel and is sure to entertain the readers, especially if you spend most of your day online.
This review originally appeared on my blog;
July 5, 2013
Although a fairly short novel at just under 300 pages (in the proof copy), it took me longer than usual to read. There is an intensity about the story, the characters and the writing that at times felt almost suffocating. The reader is thrust into the isolated, fairly strange world of Leila. Leila is our narrator and although she does realise that there is more than one side to every story, we readers only hear her side to this particular tale.
Growing up the only child of a single mother, Leila has led a sheltered existence. The slow decline in her mother's health and her eventual death have left her with a sense of worthlessness and she immerses herself in an alternative world via the internet, playing games and interacting with people in various chat rooms. One web site in particular; Red Pill and it's charismatic founder Adrian attracts her more than most and it is through Adrian that she hears about Tess. Tess wants to commit suicide, but doesn't want to cause hurt to her family and friends. Tess plans to tell everyone that she is moving away, to 'start over' when really she plans to kill herself. Leila will take on Tess's identity online.
Leila is relating her side of the story a year later when she has travelled abroad to the place that Tess 'moved away to'. Slowly and surely she relates just how she became Tess, her feelings for the other woman, her lifestyle and her friends.
This is an incredibly unique, unusual and sometimes terrifying story. Terrifying in the way that it really makes the reader consider just what they do and say online. These days, most of us use at least one form of social media. Every day I see friends and family who post the most intimate details of their daily lives. Give me a bit of time and I'm sure that I could 'become' one of my Facebook friends. In fact, how do I know that that online presence is in fact that person who I last saw 15 years ago?
Lottie Moggach has dealt with some harrowing and serious issues within this novel, yet there is also an innocence about Leila that makes her both hostile and endearing at the same time.
A perfectly plotted story that deals with a very topical subject. I will be very interested to see what Lottie Moggach comes up with in her next book.
Growing up the only child of a single mother, Leila has led a sheltered existence. The slow decline in her mother's health and her eventual death have left her with a sense of worthlessness and she immerses herself in an alternative world via the internet, playing games and interacting with people in various chat rooms. One web site in particular; Red Pill and it's charismatic founder Adrian attracts her more than most and it is through Adrian that she hears about Tess. Tess wants to commit suicide, but doesn't want to cause hurt to her family and friends. Tess plans to tell everyone that she is moving away, to 'start over' when really she plans to kill herself. Leila will take on Tess's identity online.
Leila is relating her side of the story a year later when she has travelled abroad to the place that Tess 'moved away to'. Slowly and surely she relates just how she became Tess, her feelings for the other woman, her lifestyle and her friends.
This is an incredibly unique, unusual and sometimes terrifying story. Terrifying in the way that it really makes the reader consider just what they do and say online. These days, most of us use at least one form of social media. Every day I see friends and family who post the most intimate details of their daily lives. Give me a bit of time and I'm sure that I could 'become' one of my Facebook friends. In fact, how do I know that that online presence is in fact that person who I last saw 15 years ago?
Lottie Moggach has dealt with some harrowing and serious issues within this novel, yet there is also an innocence about Leila that makes her both hostile and endearing at the same time.
A perfectly plotted story that deals with a very topical subject. I will be very interested to see what Lottie Moggach comes up with in her next book.
October 3, 2013
First off, I don't know what the cover artist for the above was smoking, but disregard with extreme prejudice. Weirdly enough, this is not a story about a lipstick-wearing femme fatale who ate your bees, it’s about sad sack Leila, a young woman who lives alone after a lifetime spent caring for her infirm mother (now deceased). It’s never explicitly stated if Leila is just a bit of a shut in or has an undiagnosed developmental/social disorder, but she spends most of her time interacting with people via the computer screen, and soon her primary point of contact is through the website Red Pill. Here she meets creepy Adrian, who grooms convinces her that she’d be performing a supremely generous act of kindness by taking over the online presence of a woman who wants to die.
It’s a nifty, but horribly flawed concept for a novel, not least because a. you’d have to be an arsehole to go through with such an act, and b. never mind that it wouldn’t work, it ultimately serves no purpose. The suicide will still be dead, but the grieving process would be drawn out exponentially since at some point the whole charade must end. Messily.
There are a lot of interesting ideas explored here, not least the skewed worldview that can become accepted ‘truths� in web communities, the right to die movement and, of course, the biggie: the lack of any certainty or verifiable facts in online interactions. But they all felt under-realised to me. I don’t blame Moggach for this since the flaw is inherent in the very subject matter, but Leila isn’t just an unlikable narrator, she’s a baffling one. Her backstory serves to give her actions some purpose, but � as other reviewers have noted � her character is so split between stupendous acts of naivety and a kind of dead-eyed cruel cunning that it’s hard to view her solely as the prey of Adrian’s sadistic machinations.
I didn’t think that this book had had that much of an effect upon me whilst reading, but I got so infuriated when writing the review so…kudos to Moggach.
It’s a nifty, but horribly flawed concept for a novel, not least because a. you’d have to be an arsehole to go through with such an act, and b. never mind that it wouldn’t work, it ultimately serves no purpose. The suicide will still be dead, but the grieving process would be drawn out exponentially since at some point the whole charade must end. Messily.
There are a lot of interesting ideas explored here, not least the skewed worldview that can become accepted ‘truths� in web communities, the right to die movement and, of course, the biggie: the lack of any certainty or verifiable facts in online interactions. But they all felt under-realised to me. I don’t blame Moggach for this since the flaw is inherent in the very subject matter, but Leila isn’t just an unlikable narrator, she’s a baffling one. Her backstory serves to give her actions some purpose, but � as other reviewers have noted � her character is so split between stupendous acts of naivety and a kind of dead-eyed cruel cunning that it’s hard to view her solely as the prey of Adrian’s sadistic machinations.
I didn’t think that this book had had that much of an effect upon me whilst reading, but I got so infuriated when writing the review so…kudos to Moggach.
April 19, 2021
One of the few books with a seriously unlikable narrator that I have enjoyed. Several other reviewers have pointed out why: though I didn't like Leila, I was very interested in the story that she was telling. Some of her dispassionate writing, going on and on about why she selected, in minute detail, elements of the story she was building for Tess, who wants to commit suicide privately and gradually disappear online in front of friends and family, was freakishly methodical and almost insufferable, but very in-line with Leila's character. Leila mentions that she has a deep obsession with World of Warcraft, a role-playing game, and becoming Tess online is the ultimate role to play.
I thought the tone of this book was nearly perfect throughout. It's absolutely plausible that there are many people out there in the world who are not living in the world, but who are living online in the world. Moggach has Leila's voice down pat (with a few things I could nit pick, but won't). Leila is so dispassionate, so emotionless, so absolutely rational that it's easy to get caught up in her narrative and flow with it; and then, once in a while, what is happening will absolutely creep you out. I love that.
I have seen qualms with the ending. Personally, I like ambiguous endings, but there was no dramatic payoff or consequences. This is not a thriller. It's a character study that is intense and philosophical and methodical; it has a specific rhythm and pulse to it. The idea itself is wonderful and the execution is spot-on - certainly worth the journey. If you're looking for something that's going to punch you in the gut, and twist and turn you, this isn't it. But it is shocking and sensational in its own way.
I thought the tone of this book was nearly perfect throughout. It's absolutely plausible that there are many people out there in the world who are not living in the world, but who are living online in the world. Moggach has Leila's voice down pat (with a few things I could nit pick, but won't). Leila is so dispassionate, so emotionless, so absolutely rational that it's easy to get caught up in her narrative and flow with it; and then, once in a while, what is happening will absolutely creep you out. I love that.
I have seen qualms with the ending. Personally, I like ambiguous endings, but there was no dramatic payoff or consequences. This is not a thriller. It's a character study that is intense and philosophical and methodical; it has a specific rhythm and pulse to it. The idea itself is wonderful and the execution is spot-on - certainly worth the journey. If you're looking for something that's going to punch you in the gut, and twist and turn you, this isn't it. But it is shocking and sensational in its own way.
July 5, 2013
Lottie Moggach, daughter of author Deborah Moggach of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel fame, really is an exciting prospect. Her debut novel Kiss Me First is original and fresh, with an unsettling and thought provoking plot.
Leila lives in a poky London flat where she is detached from society. She spends most of her time on a philosophy debating website called 'Red Pill', the one place where she feels she is respected and valued. Through the website Leila is put in touch with Tess. Tess wants to commit suicide, but doesn't want her family and friends to be hurt by her actions. Leila learns all she can about Tess, the important and the seemingly insignificant details, before Tess disappears and Leila assumes her identity. Kiss Me First is a disturbing yet compelling read that is beautifully written- a fantastic debut novel.
The characters are built up in a way that means you are never entirely sure of either their motives or sanity. I felt uneasy throughout yet it was such a gripping novel that I couldn't stop reading! The only downfall for me was that the ending seemed just a bit too abrupt. Overall I would definitely recommend you try Kiss Me First- psychological suspense in a style similar to the bestselling Into the Darkest Corner by Elizabeth Haynes.
Kiss Me First is out now, published by Picador.
9/10
With thanks to Picador for providing me with a review copy of Kiss Me First.
Leila lives in a poky London flat where she is detached from society. She spends most of her time on a philosophy debating website called 'Red Pill', the one place where she feels she is respected and valued. Through the website Leila is put in touch with Tess. Tess wants to commit suicide, but doesn't want her family and friends to be hurt by her actions. Leila learns all she can about Tess, the important and the seemingly insignificant details, before Tess disappears and Leila assumes her identity. Kiss Me First is a disturbing yet compelling read that is beautifully written- a fantastic debut novel.
The characters are built up in a way that means you are never entirely sure of either their motives or sanity. I felt uneasy throughout yet it was such a gripping novel that I couldn't stop reading! The only downfall for me was that the ending seemed just a bit too abrupt. Overall I would definitely recommend you try Kiss Me First- psychological suspense in a style similar to the bestselling Into the Darkest Corner by Elizabeth Haynes.
Kiss Me First is out now, published by Picador.
9/10
With thanks to Picador for providing me with a review copy of Kiss Me First.
March 15, 2013
I went into Kiss Me First with an open mind. I was quite intrigued at the start of the book but as the story went on, I found myself getting restless.
It tortured me to even finish the book and even then I felt it was a waste of my time. The main point of the story is something I don't believe in. I guess one can think of it as a controversial issue.
If someone came to me asking me to pretend to be them so they can commit suicide I would say no. So that may be why I could not relate to the book. I have never been suicidal so maybe again that's why I can't relate to this.
I wanted to like this because the subject matter is very interesting. And it is something new to me. But I could not relate to any of the characters or the storyline itself.
*given to me from the publishers for an honest review*
It tortured me to even finish the book and even then I felt it was a waste of my time. The main point of the story is something I don't believe in. I guess one can think of it as a controversial issue.
If someone came to me asking me to pretend to be them so they can commit suicide I would say no. So that may be why I could not relate to the book. I have never been suicidal so maybe again that's why I can't relate to this.
I wanted to like this because the subject matter is very interesting. And it is something new to me. But I could not relate to any of the characters or the storyline itself.
*given to me from the publishers for an honest review*
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 24, 2020
Damnit, Lottie. You had me completely wrapped up in your world...until the final 25 or so pages.
How many stars do you give a 300-page book that was fantastic for 275 of them?? I don't know. I was sure, an hour ago, that this would be at minimum a 4-star review, possibly even a 5 for the tight grip it had on me from the outset. But... Augh. Okay. Let me do the introductory stuff first, and then I'll address the final chapter; that'll be time for spoiler tags, I suppose. I may use them a bit earlier for stuff that readers will find out in the first few chapters anyway, but this is a book that is best enjoyed knowing as little as possible until it's right in front of you, so I'll keep that in mind as I type.
It's also worth noting that I give serious credit to Moggach for her attention to detail in important places, and one of my status updates as I read was questioning whether I have ever had anyone in my life who knows me well enough to convincingly impersonate me online. Given the bits and pieces Moggach cobbles together, and the extraordinary lengths to which her characters go to be convincing as someone other than themselves, I've gotta say that...no, not even my oldest and closest friends could handle such an undertaking. I doubt I could if asked, either. Not convincingly enough to really pull it off.
As the blurb tells us, "KISS ME FIRST" is a book about two young women whose lives become inextricably linked online when, through mutual acquaintance Adrian, college-age Leila agrees to help late-30s Tess. Help Tess do what, exactly? Well, . Adrian is the webmaster of a heavy-duty philosophy website called "Red Pill" (yes, that's a reference to The Matrix), and he decides, based on his interactions with Leila in their forums, that she's the perfect candidate to perform this enormous task for Tess.
Here is how it's presented to us, on page 47, during a meeting between Adrian and Leila:
The book is simply fascinating for so many reasons. One is that Leila is virtually impossible to like on any level, and yet she's our narrator; that's a risky move, since most readers prefer to connect with someone in a story, particularly the character who's telling you the story. But in spite of her unlikability, Leila still manages to keep us hanging on every word. She's apparently brilliant in many ways, but has next to no grasp of the outside world - pop culture, human relationships, jobs, hobbies - and author Moggach does a good job of reminding us just how clueless and young and not-worldly Leila really is by inserting phrases indicating how many mainstream music groups Leila has never heard of, her inability to identify a photo of Tess as being at the Louvre, even an unfamiliarity with the neighbourhood in which she's lived for months. Leila then takes it upon herself to explain to us, the reader, what certain things mean, even though we probably already know (like, "She said her favourite band was something called the Stone Roses. A bit of Googling turned up that they were a big deal in music in the 1980s..."). She's obtuse, and sometimes it feels deliberate, which is far from endearing, and yet still we're engaged in the story she's telling us.
The majority of the first third of the book is about Leila's online communications with Tess, learning everything she possibly can about this woman, trying to absorb the details of experiences she admits are completely foreign to her. In their back-and-forth we get to know both of them, and Tess isn't a whole lot easier to like than Leila; it's just for different reasons. Tess is flaky, a snob, prone to wild mood swings (we're given the impression that this is in part due to mental illness and in part simply ingrained in her nature). As Leila learns more and more about Tess, she finds herself becoming attached, not to mention fascinated by a life that's been lived so much more fully than her own. Despite warnings from Adrian that getting too close to Tess or forming any emotional bond with her will make Leila's job that much more difficult, the two women find things to like and enjoy about each other. Leila's life from her teen years onward were spent almost exclusively caring for her mother, recently dead after being terminally ill with MS, so Tess's vibrant experiences and crazy stories and long trail of boyfriends and lovers is rather intoxicating to Leila, despite her prior holier-than-thou perspective on people who lived in such a hedonistic way.
Soon enough we enter the second phase of the book.
What Leila doesn't count on is the receipt of an email from a guy - an ex-boyfriend, it seems - about whom Tess has told her absolutely nothing. In all those hours of conversing about Tess's many heartbreaks and breakups, not once did the name "Connor" come up. This is where things get very tricky.
You can see where that's headed, I'm sure.
I won't spoil any more of that, because the way it all unravels is quite brilliant, and makes it hard to set the book down for more than a few minutes at a time.
But then there's the third act. Oh, Lottie Moggach. I had such high hopes.
Considering the hot-button subject matter - suicide, online fakery, mental illness, cults, even some adultery at one point - you'd think any one of these themes could've been explored in a better way, a way that would've lent itself to a fantastic denouement and finale. It was so bloody good right up to the very end, which is when the wheels fall off.
Ultimately, after the gripping roller coaster ride of every aspect of the story has you convinced that there'll be some big reveal or at least come resolution, there is not. It feels the way I imagine one might after running like crazy through one of those hedge mazes, trying frantically to get out, feeling exuberant when the end becomes visible...only to find there's nothing outside that maze worth running toward after all.
I'm not one who needs (or even wants, in a lot of cases) my books to have a neatly gift-wrapped ending. I like ambiguity done well. But in this case, because the rest of the book is so damn good, the non-ending has left me feeling like I was ripped off, like Moggach simply ran out of steam or ideas in those final pages and gave up, or perhaps that she was trying too hard for ambiguity and gives us emptiness instead.
This isn't enough for me to sign off on ever reading another of Lottie Moggach's books, mind you - far from it. She's an immensely talented writer, and truly, those first two acts of the book are spellbinding. It wouldn't stop me from recommending "KISS ME FIRST" to friends, either, as for many it may be a case of the journey being more important than the destination. It still gets a solid 3 stars (and again I pine for the half-stars, because I think I'd even give it a 3.5 for the ride it took me on). But I cannot say I'm not disappointed by the non-ending.
Sigh. I'm off to read others' reviews now, which I'd avoided like the plague for fear of having the ending spoiled. I guess the joke's on me.
How many stars do you give a 300-page book that was fantastic for 275 of them?? I don't know. I was sure, an hour ago, that this would be at minimum a 4-star review, possibly even a 5 for the tight grip it had on me from the outset. But... Augh. Okay. Let me do the introductory stuff first, and then I'll address the final chapter; that'll be time for spoiler tags, I suppose. I may use them a bit earlier for stuff that readers will find out in the first few chapters anyway, but this is a book that is best enjoyed knowing as little as possible until it's right in front of you, so I'll keep that in mind as I type.
It's also worth noting that I give serious credit to Moggach for her attention to detail in important places, and one of my status updates as I read was questioning whether I have ever had anyone in my life who knows me well enough to convincingly impersonate me online. Given the bits and pieces Moggach cobbles together, and the extraordinary lengths to which her characters go to be convincing as someone other than themselves, I've gotta say that...no, not even my oldest and closest friends could handle such an undertaking. I doubt I could if asked, either. Not convincingly enough to really pull it off.
As the blurb tells us, "KISS ME FIRST" is a book about two young women whose lives become inextricably linked online when, through mutual acquaintance Adrian, college-age Leila agrees to help late-30s Tess. Help Tess do what, exactly? Well, . Adrian is the webmaster of a heavy-duty philosophy website called "Red Pill" (yes, that's a reference to The Matrix), and he decides, based on his interactions with Leila in their forums, that she's the perfect candidate to perform this enormous task for Tess.
Here is how it's presented to us, on page 47, during a meeting between Adrian and Leila:
The book is simply fascinating for so many reasons. One is that Leila is virtually impossible to like on any level, and yet she's our narrator; that's a risky move, since most readers prefer to connect with someone in a story, particularly the character who's telling you the story. But in spite of her unlikability, Leila still manages to keep us hanging on every word. She's apparently brilliant in many ways, but has next to no grasp of the outside world - pop culture, human relationships, jobs, hobbies - and author Moggach does a good job of reminding us just how clueless and young and not-worldly Leila really is by inserting phrases indicating how many mainstream music groups Leila has never heard of, her inability to identify a photo of Tess as being at the Louvre, even an unfamiliarity with the neighbourhood in which she's lived for months. Leila then takes it upon herself to explain to us, the reader, what certain things mean, even though we probably already know (like, "She said her favourite band was something called the Stone Roses. A bit of Googling turned up that they were a big deal in music in the 1980s..."). She's obtuse, and sometimes it feels deliberate, which is far from endearing, and yet still we're engaged in the story she's telling us.
The majority of the first third of the book is about Leila's online communications with Tess, learning everything she possibly can about this woman, trying to absorb the details of experiences she admits are completely foreign to her. In their back-and-forth we get to know both of them, and Tess isn't a whole lot easier to like than Leila; it's just for different reasons. Tess is flaky, a snob, prone to wild mood swings (we're given the impression that this is in part due to mental illness and in part simply ingrained in her nature). As Leila learns more and more about Tess, she finds herself becoming attached, not to mention fascinated by a life that's been lived so much more fully than her own. Despite warnings from Adrian that getting too close to Tess or forming any emotional bond with her will make Leila's job that much more difficult, the two women find things to like and enjoy about each other. Leila's life from her teen years onward were spent almost exclusively caring for her mother, recently dead after being terminally ill with MS, so Tess's vibrant experiences and crazy stories and long trail of boyfriends and lovers is rather intoxicating to Leila, despite her prior holier-than-thou perspective on people who lived in such a hedonistic way.
Soon enough we enter the second phase of the book.
What Leila doesn't count on is the receipt of an email from a guy - an ex-boyfriend, it seems - about whom Tess has told her absolutely nothing. In all those hours of conversing about Tess's many heartbreaks and breakups, not once did the name "Connor" come up. This is where things get very tricky.
You can see where that's headed, I'm sure.
I won't spoil any more of that, because the way it all unravels is quite brilliant, and makes it hard to set the book down for more than a few minutes at a time.
But then there's the third act. Oh, Lottie Moggach. I had such high hopes.
Considering the hot-button subject matter - suicide, online fakery, mental illness, cults, even some adultery at one point - you'd think any one of these themes could've been explored in a better way, a way that would've lent itself to a fantastic denouement and finale. It was so bloody good right up to the very end, which is when the wheels fall off.
Ultimately, after the gripping roller coaster ride of every aspect of the story has you convinced that there'll be some big reveal or at least come resolution, there is not. It feels the way I imagine one might after running like crazy through one of those hedge mazes, trying frantically to get out, feeling exuberant when the end becomes visible...only to find there's nothing outside that maze worth running toward after all.
I'm not one who needs (or even wants, in a lot of cases) my books to have a neatly gift-wrapped ending. I like ambiguity done well. But in this case, because the rest of the book is so damn good, the non-ending has left me feeling like I was ripped off, like Moggach simply ran out of steam or ideas in those final pages and gave up, or perhaps that she was trying too hard for ambiguity and gives us emptiness instead.
This isn't enough for me to sign off on ever reading another of Lottie Moggach's books, mind you - far from it. She's an immensely talented writer, and truly, those first two acts of the book are spellbinding. It wouldn't stop me from recommending "KISS ME FIRST" to friends, either, as for many it may be a case of the journey being more important than the destination. It still gets a solid 3 stars (and again I pine for the half-stars, because I think I'd even give it a 3.5 for the ride it took me on). But I cannot say I'm not disappointed by the non-ending.
Sigh. I'm off to read others' reviews now, which I'd avoided like the plague for fear of having the ending spoiled. I guess the joke's on me.
July 22, 2017
I reread this in anticipation of Moggach's second novel, Under The Sun. I remembered reading it the first time and being appalled by how little happened and the extreme fizzle of the plot, and finding it distinctly mediocre in the middle of a lot of hype. However, I was in the middle of an intense depressive episode at the time, so I wasn't really thinking about very much. All this considered, I decided that I owed Moggach a reread, especially as it was still on my kindle.
On reread, I can happily say that I wasn't 100% wrong about this novel. I still struggled with the plot, which is prime thriller material: told in "past" and "present" shifting timeline, lonely outcast Leila, spending too much time online and still grieving for her mother, who died of MS, is recruited into an "Internet suicide cult" though she'd probably hate me describing it that way. Handpicked by charismatic Redpill (Reddit, essentially) founder, Adrian, she's asked to take over the Internet life of the charismatic, artistic, and bipolar Tess. Tess plans to slip away to commit suicide, but wishes not to disturb her family, especially her father, Jonathan, who is suffering from Alzheimer's. She wants to lie that she's started a new life in Canada.
I think Moggach is a plain superb writer, and this is because I loved Leila. I've seen from other reviews that other people find her extremely unlikeable, and they've got a point. She's hyper-logical and can often respond in quite an alien way, especially in stressful situations. Yet I found her unusually charming and refreshing, mainly because of the complexity and care with which Moggach crafted her. She has no friends, and becomes irrationally "disappointed" when she notices (via Facebook, naturally) that her only old friend from school, Rashida, has started painting her nails like all the other girls in her class.
In Leila's relationship with her mother, the Internet, and Tess, Moggach hits several incredibly complex notes. Tess could be a cliche - the bipolar manic pixie dream girl - but Moggach colours her with a serious sadness for her lack of meaningful relationships and her flighty behaviour with such depth and realism that she could be a person walking past you. Leila's relationship with her mother is another brilliant display of subtlety and understanding. I expected something like Norman's mother from Psycho, but the love and co-dependency between them were far more realistic and complicated than that.
How do I know I love certain books? I feel it. I feel them. I felt this book, which makes me able to overlook the flaws in the plot. At the moment that Tess decides to trigger her plan and leave Leila in charge of her identity, the book loses its most fascinating relationship. Its replacement is an online flirtation Leila misguidedly strikes up with a red-hot lawyer with whom Tess had a fling, Connor. Unfortunately, he's no match for the insight and the penetration of the rest of the book, so he just ends up feeling like a blank, bland cliche.
The plot of the novel does finally succeed in closing on a believably hopeful - and, for that, enjoyable and surprising - note, but it's important to note that the book makes it clear that it is going to be a slower, more literary novel than the thriller that it superficially appears to be. This isn't necessarily a "bad" thing, it's just very different, but unfortunately it does occasionally feel like an anticlimax. Nevertheless, Leila kept me reading, and I recommend the novel for her.
On reread, I can happily say that I wasn't 100% wrong about this novel. I still struggled with the plot, which is prime thriller material: told in "past" and "present" shifting timeline, lonely outcast Leila, spending too much time online and still grieving for her mother, who died of MS, is recruited into an "Internet suicide cult" though she'd probably hate me describing it that way. Handpicked by charismatic Redpill (Reddit, essentially) founder, Adrian, she's asked to take over the Internet life of the charismatic, artistic, and bipolar Tess. Tess plans to slip away to commit suicide, but wishes not to disturb her family, especially her father, Jonathan, who is suffering from Alzheimer's. She wants to lie that she's started a new life in Canada.
I think Moggach is a plain superb writer, and this is because I loved Leila. I've seen from other reviews that other people find her extremely unlikeable, and they've got a point. She's hyper-logical and can often respond in quite an alien way, especially in stressful situations. Yet I found her unusually charming and refreshing, mainly because of the complexity and care with which Moggach crafted her. She has no friends, and becomes irrationally "disappointed" when she notices (via Facebook, naturally) that her only old friend from school, Rashida, has started painting her nails like all the other girls in her class.
In Leila's relationship with her mother, the Internet, and Tess, Moggach hits several incredibly complex notes. Tess could be a cliche - the bipolar manic pixie dream girl - but Moggach colours her with a serious sadness for her lack of meaningful relationships and her flighty behaviour with such depth and realism that she could be a person walking past you. Leila's relationship with her mother is another brilliant display of subtlety and understanding. I expected something like Norman's mother from Psycho, but the love and co-dependency between them were far more realistic and complicated than that.
How do I know I love certain books? I feel it. I feel them. I felt this book, which makes me able to overlook the flaws in the plot. At the moment that Tess decides to trigger her plan and leave Leila in charge of her identity, the book loses its most fascinating relationship. Its replacement is an online flirtation Leila misguidedly strikes up with a red-hot lawyer with whom Tess had a fling, Connor. Unfortunately, he's no match for the insight and the penetration of the rest of the book, so he just ends up feeling like a blank, bland cliche.
The plot of the novel does finally succeed in closing on a believably hopeful - and, for that, enjoyable and surprising - note, but it's important to note that the book makes it clear that it is going to be a slower, more literary novel than the thriller that it superficially appears to be. This isn't necessarily a "bad" thing, it's just very different, but unfortunately it does occasionally feel like an anticlimax. Nevertheless, Leila kept me reading, and I recommend the novel for her.
May 14, 2017
Debo decir que me encantó, una vez que comencé no podÃa parar, fue realmente adictivo, sin embargo, me quedé con tantas dudas acerca de la historia.
Concuerdo con muchos diciendo que pierde un poco el ritmo al final, entiendo que el suspenso principal sea querer saber que realmente pasó. ¿Cómo definir este libro?
Se trata de una chica Leia que su única relación significativa es la que tiene con su madre, pero ella se enferma, Leia termina por cuidarla todos los dÃas hasta que muere, antes de morir su madre decide que deberÃa rentar un apartamento para evitar las deudas de la hipoteca de la casa, y le dice que haga un curso de computadora con un amigo de la familia, este chico le consigue trabajo desde su casa.
Leia es una chica que una vez que su mamá muere se aisla de todo, ve cosas tan estúpidas como las redes sociales, y ciertamente no sabe como interactuar con otras personas, asà que se esconde en su pc jugando, hasta que alguien le recomienda a un foro donde hablan sobre temas filosóficos, y aunque nunca ha sido fan de ello, se encuentra con temas (como la muerte) que tiene experiencias muy cercanas a ella por lo que continua interactuando hasta que se hace amiga del fundador, y este le pide que le ayude a suplantar a esta chica Tess, porque ella quiere suicidarse.
La verdad es que es un tema que jamás habÃa leÃdo que es: Robar la identidad de alguien en internet, aunque parezca poco posible, la verdad es que sucede muy a menudo. La manera en que es narrada es muy fascinante, hace que te conectes tanto como Leia y Tess, y su relación.
No digo que sea "el mejor libro" pero la trama es muy muy interesante, por lo que me ha encantado para darle las 5/5 estrellitas merecidas. Hablamos de tomar la identidad de alguien en internet, hasta que llegas al punto de creer que eres esa persona.
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Concuerdo con muchos diciendo que pierde un poco el ritmo al final, entiendo que el suspenso principal sea querer saber que realmente pasó. ¿Cómo definir este libro?
Se trata de una chica Leia que su única relación significativa es la que tiene con su madre, pero ella se enferma, Leia termina por cuidarla todos los dÃas hasta que muere, antes de morir su madre decide que deberÃa rentar un apartamento para evitar las deudas de la hipoteca de la casa, y le dice que haga un curso de computadora con un amigo de la familia, este chico le consigue trabajo desde su casa.
Leia es una chica que una vez que su mamá muere se aisla de todo, ve cosas tan estúpidas como las redes sociales, y ciertamente no sabe como interactuar con otras personas, asà que se esconde en su pc jugando, hasta que alguien le recomienda a un foro donde hablan sobre temas filosóficos, y aunque nunca ha sido fan de ello, se encuentra con temas (como la muerte) que tiene experiencias muy cercanas a ella por lo que continua interactuando hasta que se hace amiga del fundador, y este le pide que le ayude a suplantar a esta chica Tess, porque ella quiere suicidarse.
La verdad es que es un tema que jamás habÃa leÃdo que es: Robar la identidad de alguien en internet, aunque parezca poco posible, la verdad es que sucede muy a menudo. La manera en que es narrada es muy fascinante, hace que te conectes tanto como Leia y Tess, y su relación.
No digo que sea "el mejor libro" pero la trama es muy muy interesante, por lo que me ha encantado para darle las 5/5 estrellitas merecidas. Hablamos de tomar la identidad de alguien en internet, hasta que llegas al punto de creer que eres esa persona.
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----------------------- SPOILERS RESEÑA
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July 4, 2013
This brilliantly original debut by , is a timely novel with two current issues at its heart. The first, the fact that we live in a digital age where social media has become a means of networking with individuals we have never met, thus begging the question “Do you really know who you are interacting with online� and the second, a sensitive subject for many and one which has garnered countless moral, religious, legal and human rights debates the world over � voluntary euthanasia!
Leila, our narrator, was an only child. Intelligent albeit socially inept and just a little naive, having led a sheltered life in which taking care of her mother, who suffered with Multiple Sclerosis, was a priority, she is a loner, still mourning the loss of her mother and is content to work from home doing freelance computer programming work and getting lost in the world of her favourite online game. When she discovers a website called Red Pill where like-minded people come together on the forum, passionately discussing diverse ethical and philosophical topics, she begins to feel comfortable in the company of “friends� chatting about subjects she has an interest and passion for, instead of lurking on Facebook where she only has seventy-three friends and none of them would be interested in what she has to say anyway.
After a particular ethical discussion, of which she is passionate about, captures her attention on the forum and she posts her thoughts, she is at once noticed by the founder of the website, Adrian Dervish, a somewhat elusive online presence and, according to another member of the forum, one not to be provoked. When he sends her a message requesting a meeting to discuss an issue relating to her post, she is thrilled that someone has taken the time to notice her. But his proposition is one which she needs a little time to think about - to take on the online persona of Tess, a forty year old woman who would like to “check out�.
As the narrative progresses, we see Leila accepting Adrian’s proposition and embarking on her journey to become Tess whilst still struggling with her own issues of self-identity and I began to empathise with her as she whole-heartedly delved into all aspects of Tess� life in order to convincingly take over the online presence of this beautiful, sexy and confident older woman. As the two strands of the story converge, and a series of distressing encounters and discoveries throws Leila into turmoil, she begins to realise that no-one can ever truly “be� another person.
I really liked the premise of this novel which I thought to be quite unique and, throughout the narrative, found myself continually asking myself questions about what I would have done. On the one hand, there is the issue of social media and the ever-increasing effect it has on our lives as families begin to separate and create new lives for themselves, sometimes many thousands of kilometres away from each other. Living in a society where families are fracturing and losing touch with one another more and more, what Leila did in taking over Tess� online persona, for me, was absolutely plausible. However, in my life, and while I wouldn’t even consider doing what Tess did, with the close-knit family I have? Impossible! I have a husband and two children and, my mother may live about half a world away from me, but I speak to her on a weekly basis.
On the other hand there is the voluntary euthanasia aspect which, as a Christian, I in no way advocate, but with Lottie Moggach and her family having had to consider this issue in the past and, in drawing on her memories, she writes what she knows, bringing the subject to life as she explores the cause and effect through Leila and Tess� characters. Clearly making it an interesting subject to read about from a terminally ill sufferer’s point of view, Ms Moggach remains subjective, leaving it up to the reader to take away from her novel what they will.
Well-crafted with thought-provoking and powerful issues at its heart, this emerging author has written an insightful story about the depths of grief and suffering, loneliness and that fundamental human need to belong, which I would highly recommend to both young and old.
Leila, our narrator, was an only child. Intelligent albeit socially inept and just a little naive, having led a sheltered life in which taking care of her mother, who suffered with Multiple Sclerosis, was a priority, she is a loner, still mourning the loss of her mother and is content to work from home doing freelance computer programming work and getting lost in the world of her favourite online game. When she discovers a website called Red Pill where like-minded people come together on the forum, passionately discussing diverse ethical and philosophical topics, she begins to feel comfortable in the company of “friends� chatting about subjects she has an interest and passion for, instead of lurking on Facebook where she only has seventy-three friends and none of them would be interested in what she has to say anyway.
After a particular ethical discussion, of which she is passionate about, captures her attention on the forum and she posts her thoughts, she is at once noticed by the founder of the website, Adrian Dervish, a somewhat elusive online presence and, according to another member of the forum, one not to be provoked. When he sends her a message requesting a meeting to discuss an issue relating to her post, she is thrilled that someone has taken the time to notice her. But his proposition is one which she needs a little time to think about - to take on the online persona of Tess, a forty year old woman who would like to “check out�.
As the narrative progresses, we see Leila accepting Adrian’s proposition and embarking on her journey to become Tess whilst still struggling with her own issues of self-identity and I began to empathise with her as she whole-heartedly delved into all aspects of Tess� life in order to convincingly take over the online presence of this beautiful, sexy and confident older woman. As the two strands of the story converge, and a series of distressing encounters and discoveries throws Leila into turmoil, she begins to realise that no-one can ever truly “be� another person.
I really liked the premise of this novel which I thought to be quite unique and, throughout the narrative, found myself continually asking myself questions about what I would have done. On the one hand, there is the issue of social media and the ever-increasing effect it has on our lives as families begin to separate and create new lives for themselves, sometimes many thousands of kilometres away from each other. Living in a society where families are fracturing and losing touch with one another more and more, what Leila did in taking over Tess� online persona, for me, was absolutely plausible. However, in my life, and while I wouldn’t even consider doing what Tess did, with the close-knit family I have? Impossible! I have a husband and two children and, my mother may live about half a world away from me, but I speak to her on a weekly basis.
On the other hand there is the voluntary euthanasia aspect which, as a Christian, I in no way advocate, but with Lottie Moggach and her family having had to consider this issue in the past and, in drawing on her memories, she writes what she knows, bringing the subject to life as she explores the cause and effect through Leila and Tess� characters. Clearly making it an interesting subject to read about from a terminally ill sufferer’s point of view, Ms Moggach remains subjective, leaving it up to the reader to take away from her novel what they will.
Well-crafted with thought-provoking and powerful issues at its heart, this emerging author has written an insightful story about the depths of grief and suffering, loneliness and that fundamental human need to belong, which I would highly recommend to both young and old.
August 9, 2013
Kiss Me First is a first book from Lottie Moggach. I note that she is a daughter of Deborah Moggach whose books I enjoy. However, that is not the reason I bought this book. I bought this book because of the premise.
What is really striking about the book is that it is narrated by an ‘unlikeable� female character.
I didn’t find her unlikeable, In fact I quite enjoyed reading about her logical way of perceiving the world and the way she noticed how ‘likeable� people in her world value hypocrisy and general stupidity. It is a sad that such a woman is left lonely by other people’s misunderstanding of her honesty and logic and it is a subject well worth exploring in a book.
These days we’re not blessed with too many unlikeable characters in our books, possibly because many writers are told that having an unlikeable main character can serve as a bar to publication, having an unlikeable female character even more so. Not in this case however, as this book is well published and publicized despite an entire cast of unlikeable characters.
I am glad this book was published � whatever the reason. Likeable characters are boring and unlikeable characters are not. We should have a lot more of them � especially female ones because there are already factory loads of well publicized, well published, nice, likeable female characters boring each other off the shelves at the front of the bookshops.
The character of Leila may have been unusual but surely the story topic isn’t as unusual as many reviews seem to suggest. The assuming of another person’s identity online is far from rare, not just for illegal purposes either. Surely most people do it - see dating sites and Facebook � perfect people ‘liking� perfect people.
Leila wasn’t particularly good at it either. Her computer expertise seemed quite limited for a ‘nerd.� We can all Google now! She certainly had no ‘Dragon Tattoo!� It would have added several fathoms to the depth of the story if she had. Leila seemed too technically ‘behind� to drive a story that depended on her skills for its believability. This shortfall at is most apparent at the end of the book.
I wouldn’t describe ‘Kiss Me First� as a page-turner in the conventional sense but I did feel compelled to keep reading, mainly because I felt it would be interesting to see how the ‘unlikeable� characters were dealt with at the end. When I got there I was disappointed. I felt there was a better ending for Leila. The ending that was there felt ‘pinned on� to satisfy a need for some kind of ‘happy� ending rather than fulfill the earlier promise of a story with truth.
However, this disappointment would not stop me recommending the book as a good read and I would certainly read Lottie’s next book with greater interest. I would love to see if the confidence gained from the success of this book removes the pressure to sacrifice truth to the shrine of the happy ending.
What is really striking about the book is that it is narrated by an ‘unlikeable� female character.
I didn’t find her unlikeable, In fact I quite enjoyed reading about her logical way of perceiving the world and the way she noticed how ‘likeable� people in her world value hypocrisy and general stupidity. It is a sad that such a woman is left lonely by other people’s misunderstanding of her honesty and logic and it is a subject well worth exploring in a book.
These days we’re not blessed with too many unlikeable characters in our books, possibly because many writers are told that having an unlikeable main character can serve as a bar to publication, having an unlikeable female character even more so. Not in this case however, as this book is well published and publicized despite an entire cast of unlikeable characters.
I am glad this book was published � whatever the reason. Likeable characters are boring and unlikeable characters are not. We should have a lot more of them � especially female ones because there are already factory loads of well publicized, well published, nice, likeable female characters boring each other off the shelves at the front of the bookshops.
The character of Leila may have been unusual but surely the story topic isn’t as unusual as many reviews seem to suggest. The assuming of another person’s identity online is far from rare, not just for illegal purposes either. Surely most people do it - see dating sites and Facebook � perfect people ‘liking� perfect people.
Leila wasn’t particularly good at it either. Her computer expertise seemed quite limited for a ‘nerd.� We can all Google now! She certainly had no ‘Dragon Tattoo!� It would have added several fathoms to the depth of the story if she had. Leila seemed too technically ‘behind� to drive a story that depended on her skills for its believability. This shortfall at is most apparent at the end of the book.
I wouldn’t describe ‘Kiss Me First� as a page-turner in the conventional sense but I did feel compelled to keep reading, mainly because I felt it would be interesting to see how the ‘unlikeable� characters were dealt with at the end. When I got there I was disappointed. I felt there was a better ending for Leila. The ending that was there felt ‘pinned on� to satisfy a need for some kind of ‘happy� ending rather than fulfill the earlier promise of a story with truth.
However, this disappointment would not stop me recommending the book as a good read and I would certainly read Lottie’s next book with greater interest. I would love to see if the confidence gained from the success of this book removes the pressure to sacrifice truth to the shrine of the happy ending.
November 26, 2015
I am going to go with 3 stars for now...
Socially awkward, Leila moves away from her family home after her mother (and her only friend) dies from complications of MS. She spends her days and nights in front of a computer playing World of Warcraft and contracting with a Quality Assurance Firm. Through a fellow gamer, she learns about “Red Pill�, a website forum dedicated to debating philosophy. She is quickly singled out from the web admin and owner of the website, Adrian. Adrian is a libertarian, Ayn Rand loving guy who believes in “self-ownership�, and with that, you have the right to choose when and where you want to die. So basically, suicide. His words �...not only do we not have the right to prevent those who wish to end their lives from doing so, but that we actually have a duty to help them, if asked� He arranges a meeting with Leila to discuss a project in which he would like her to “assist� a woman named Tess in her suicide. The “assisting� is not what we typically expect in assisted suicide. The idea is: Leila gets to know Tess and all the details about her life for a few months. Tess tells everyone that she is moving abroad and then is free to “check out�. Leila impersonates Tess online for about 6 months after while she gradually starts to reduce contact with everyone. The hope is most people will forget about her. This whole elaborate and silly scheme is to reduce the amount of pain and suffering for her friends and family. Adrian lays it on thick for Leila. “I don't know anyone else who has both the mental capacity and the compassion required to help her�. Leila takes about two seconds (ok, maybe it was overnight) thinking about it and then, she agrees.
Regardless of what you morally or religiously believe about suicide, this book does not try to sway the reader into another way of thinking. I, personally, have strong, non-religious feelings about suicide, and I did not feel like the book was about what's right or wrong about the right to die. The book is also not a mystery or suspense thriller. It's mostly a character study.
Other readers have described the main character and narrator of the book, Leila, as unlikeable. It's not that she is completely unlikeable, she is just extremely socially awkward and delusional. What was brilliant about this book was that I frighteningly found myself understanding Leila's rationale for doing some of the things she did after Tess “checks out�, and then another thing would happen and I would snap myself back to “girlfriend is just crazy�. It takes a skilled author to make you empathize with, but not like an unlikeable character.
What was bad about this book was the abrupt ending and slow-moving pace.
Overall, I am interested in seeing how Lottie Moggach progresses as an author.
Socially awkward, Leila moves away from her family home after her mother (and her only friend) dies from complications of MS. She spends her days and nights in front of a computer playing World of Warcraft and contracting with a Quality Assurance Firm. Through a fellow gamer, she learns about “Red Pill�, a website forum dedicated to debating philosophy. She is quickly singled out from the web admin and owner of the website, Adrian. Adrian is a libertarian, Ayn Rand loving guy who believes in “self-ownership�, and with that, you have the right to choose when and where you want to die. So basically, suicide. His words �...not only do we not have the right to prevent those who wish to end their lives from doing so, but that we actually have a duty to help them, if asked� He arranges a meeting with Leila to discuss a project in which he would like her to “assist� a woman named Tess in her suicide. The “assisting� is not what we typically expect in assisted suicide. The idea is: Leila gets to know Tess and all the details about her life for a few months. Tess tells everyone that she is moving abroad and then is free to “check out�. Leila impersonates Tess online for about 6 months after while she gradually starts to reduce contact with everyone. The hope is most people will forget about her. This whole elaborate and silly scheme is to reduce the amount of pain and suffering for her friends and family. Adrian lays it on thick for Leila. “I don't know anyone else who has both the mental capacity and the compassion required to help her�. Leila takes about two seconds (ok, maybe it was overnight) thinking about it and then, she agrees.
Regardless of what you morally or religiously believe about suicide, this book does not try to sway the reader into another way of thinking. I, personally, have strong, non-religious feelings about suicide, and I did not feel like the book was about what's right or wrong about the right to die. The book is also not a mystery or suspense thriller. It's mostly a character study.
Other readers have described the main character and narrator of the book, Leila, as unlikeable. It's not that she is completely unlikeable, she is just extremely socially awkward and delusional. What was brilliant about this book was that I frighteningly found myself understanding Leila's rationale for doing some of the things she did after Tess “checks out�, and then another thing would happen and I would snap myself back to “girlfriend is just crazy�. It takes a skilled author to make you empathize with, but not like an unlikeable character.
What was bad about this book was the abrupt ending and slow-moving pace.
Overall, I am interested in seeing how Lottie Moggach progresses as an author.
May 7, 2016
A fresh, edgy psychological thriller which questions everything we believe about identity and trust. When Leila is asked by charismatic Mr Dervish to assume Tess's online identity so that no-one will know she has gone, he says 'think of it as acting like a dimmer switch on her life'.
Leila is a gloriously naive - and unreliable - narrator. Moggach cleverly counterpoints a woman who has lived life to the full and now wishes to disappear with a girl whose virtual life is more vivid than the world around her. The writing is perceptive and full of black humour, for example the way Moggach subtly reveals Leila's personality through the reactions of those around her. The amusing image of our 'heroine' skulking conspicuously behind a copy of 'The Princess Bride' in a crowded City pub while congratulating herself on her ability to blend in will stay with me for some time.
This an absorbing debut - as boundaries blur and you question the truth of anything you've been told so far, you'll find yourself reading late into the night.
Leila is a gloriously naive - and unreliable - narrator. Moggach cleverly counterpoints a woman who has lived life to the full and now wishes to disappear with a girl whose virtual life is more vivid than the world around her. The writing is perceptive and full of black humour, for example the way Moggach subtly reveals Leila's personality through the reactions of those around her. The amusing image of our 'heroine' skulking conspicuously behind a copy of 'The Princess Bride' in a crowded City pub while congratulating herself on her ability to blend in will stay with me for some time.
This an absorbing debut - as boundaries blur and you question the truth of anything you've been told so far, you'll find yourself reading late into the night.
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