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288 pages, Paperback
First published October 7, 2020
…now he doesn’t want to paint house and home anymore, now he wants to paint just his own pictures, because his head is full of pictures, it’s a real torment, yes, pictures get lodged in his head all the time, not as things that have happened but like a kind of photograph, taken right there, right then, and he can kind of flip from one of the pictures in his head to another, it’s like he has a photo album in his head and the strangest things are there as pictures�
…and then I think that even though I like Beyer a lot there’s something about him that makes me uncomfortable, so we’ve never truly become friends, we’re too dissimilar for that, maybe it has to do with me being a country kid and he a city kid, maybe it’s because his family are big city people and mine are more humble, just ordinary country people, I think, and I think Beyer’s a good person, I like him, but I do get tired of him pretty quickly, he gets on my nerves, there’s something about his eagerness that gets to me, so whenever we see each other it’s always a pretty short meeting and a bit forced and I tell Beyer I have to leave�
…and right away something like a darkness falls down over and inside me and I think that I don’t have the strength to paint anymore, I’ve done my part, I’ve done all the painting I’m going to do, I’m done with painting, I don’t want to paint anymore, I think, enough is enough, I think and I go into the main room and over there on the easel I see the bad painting with the two lines that cross in the middle, no, I can’t look at it, I can’t even take the picture down from the easel and put it in the pile with the other paintings�