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Mooses with Bazookas: And Other Stories Children Should Never Read
Mooses with And Other Stories Children Should Never Read is a fun collection of stories. It’s exactly like The Count of Monte Cristo apart from the many differences. Our lawyers have instructed us to warn you that reading it may directly cause you to come down with every single disease you are worried about contracting. On the plus side, our nation’s beloved and heroic critics have had their say.�
FANTASTIC is not a word that comes to mind.”—Beth Hinkle, author of Elite Prose�
ASTOUNDING problems at the sentence level and beyond.”—Dr. Roger Johns, Ph. D.�
S. D. SMITH IS in dire need of A GENIUS editor.”—Art Simonson, Inner Ring Magazine
“This author had nothing MUCH BETTER to do THAN destroy the language of DICKENS, SHAKESPEARE, AUSTEN!”—Yammy Tork, Good Lit Guild
S. D. Smith has been called “America’s aft-most wordsmith� and is the award-losing author of more than ten books and less than thirty-seven books. He is half-man, half-rabbit, and half-mathematician. He lives in West Virginia with his wife and four children, because it would be kinda weird to live with some other family and super weird not to live in West Virginia.
FANTASTIC is not a word that comes to mind.”—Beth Hinkle, author of Elite Prose�
ASTOUNDING problems at the sentence level and beyond.”—Dr. Roger Johns, Ph. D.�
S. D. SMITH IS in dire need of A GENIUS editor.”—Art Simonson, Inner Ring Magazine
“This author had nothing MUCH BETTER to do THAN destroy the language of DICKENS, SHAKESPEARE, AUSTEN!”—Yammy Tork, Good Lit Guild
S. D. Smith has been called “America’s aft-most wordsmith� and is the award-losing author of more than ten books and less than thirty-seven books. He is half-man, half-rabbit, and half-mathematician. He lives in West Virginia with his wife and four children, because it would be kinda weird to live with some other family and super weird not to live in West Virginia.
160 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 27, 2023
165 people are currently reading
373 people want to read
About the author
S.D. Smith
16books1,910followersS. D. Smith is the author of The Green Ember Series, a million+ selling adventure saga featuring heroic #RabbitsWithSwords. The Green Ember spent time as the number one bestselling audiobook in the world on Audible. He is also the author of the madcapMooses with Bazookas: And Other Stories Children Should Never Readas well as the touching throwback adventure, The Found Boys. Finally, he has co-authored two fantasy adventure novels with his son (J. C. Smith),Jack Zulu and the Waylander’s Key and Jack Zulu and the Girl with Golden Wings. Smith’s stories are captivating readers across the globe who are hungry for “new stories with an old soul.�
Though packed with old school virtue and moral imagination, Smith doesn't merely create "safe" stories, but bold, daring, truthful tales of light that help shape children who become dangerous—dangerous to the darkness.
Smith is a founder and owner of Story Warren, a publishing, events, and IP development house based in rural West Virginia. Story Warren exists to serve families as “allies in imagination.”�
S. D. Smith lives in Gran
Though packed with old school virtue and moral imagination, Smith doesn't merely create "safe" stories, but bold, daring, truthful tales of light that help shape children who become dangerous—dangerous to the darkness.
Smith is a founder and owner of Story Warren, a publishing, events, and IP development house based in rural West Virginia. Story Warren exists to serve families as “allies in imagination.”�
S. D. Smith lives in Gran
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
January 1, 2024
Dear whomsoever readeth this ŷ review,
Welp, I'm sitting in my kitchen and I'm using my last battery life before my computer dies to write this review. Now I'm reconsidering using the word "Welp" at the beginning of this review. I have a delete/backspace button on this computer, but I'm too lazy to use it. Anyway, the name's E. G. Runyan. I'll soon be an author. But that's not the point. The point is this book that wasn't not good. I think I can sum up my thoughts about it in a few simperliflous words. Is simperliflous a word? I don't know. What does it mean if it is? I don't care, neither do you.
SD SMITH WRITES A not SWEET TALE THAT REMINDS US TO eat hotdogs and not LAUGH on Mondays.
I give it five point five and two third quarters stars. Could've used a little more Toilet Ditch of Shame, if you know what I mean. Wait. You don't know what I mean. That's why you're reading this review, stupid. Anyway, this book was Wonderfulish. I mean Wonderful. I mean, it will soon be Wonder. Are you Wondering what I mean? You shouldn't be. Go away.
Welp, that's all I have to say. If you are not looking for a book that is not boring and not-not funny, you haven't not come to the right book. Now I'm going to go eat a hotdog. If I can find a bun first. Drat that Binsley Bustbocket. I'm going to tell him--wait. It's Monday. I'll give him startling stares instead.
-E. G. Runyan
(PS. This book is a "loot" of fun.)
(PPS. This review was nautical sea code for, "Everyone should read this book so go get it before I stab you.")
SAFTEY PRECUATION: This book has been expired since February 33rd, 1977, 5:39 PM.
Welp, I'm sitting in my kitchen and I'm using my last battery life before my computer dies to write this review. Now I'm reconsidering using the word "Welp" at the beginning of this review. I have a delete/backspace button on this computer, but I'm too lazy to use it. Anyway, the name's E. G. Runyan. I'll soon be an author. But that's not the point. The point is this book that wasn't not good. I think I can sum up my thoughts about it in a few simperliflous words. Is simperliflous a word? I don't know. What does it mean if it is? I don't care, neither do you.
SD SMITH WRITES A not SWEET TALE THAT REMINDS US TO eat hotdogs and not LAUGH on Mondays.
I give it five point five and two third quarters stars. Could've used a little more Toilet Ditch of Shame, if you know what I mean. Wait. You don't know what I mean. That's why you're reading this review, stupid. Anyway, this book was Wonderfulish. I mean Wonderful. I mean, it will soon be Wonder. Are you Wondering what I mean? You shouldn't be. Go away.
Welp, that's all I have to say. If you are not looking for a book that is not boring and not-not funny, you haven't not come to the right book. Now I'm going to go eat a hotdog. If I can find a bun first. Drat that Binsley Bustbocket. I'm going to tell him--wait. It's Monday. I'll give him startling stares instead.
-E. G. Runyan
(PS. This book is a "loot" of fun.)
(PPS. This review was nautical sea code for, "Everyone should read this book so go get it before I stab you.")
SAFTEY PRECUATION: This book has been expired since February 33rd, 1977, 5:39 PM.
December 17, 2023
Yes, I stayed up until midnight finishing this book, which tells you just how enjoyable I found this book. The stories were funny, and I loved reading the letters of Wally Warmbottom. The book titles, RainforestEmpire.com, and Barry the Moose were also hilarious. I would wholeheartedly recommend this to parents with children or anyone who wants a humorous, unrealistic read.
February 23, 2024
Welp, I didn't not like this book.
November 20, 2023
Ridiculous and hilarious. Stories you don’t want to stop reading just because you wonder what other crazy and weird thing can happen next.
The 12-year-old laughed out loud the whole time he read this book (who said pre-teens were hard to entertain?!); the 10-year-old has never read a book so fast. And the next thing I know, people are demanding I read this book for myself ! “Preposterous,� I said! This mom has more serious books to read!
Well. Never mind. They were right. This was exactly the light and ridiculous stories I needed to read.
The end.
Oh but� the local fan club is asking for deer with swords next.
The 12-year-old laughed out loud the whole time he read this book (who said pre-teens were hard to entertain?!); the 10-year-old has never read a book so fast. And the next thing I know, people are demanding I read this book for myself ! “Preposterous,� I said! This mom has more serious books to read!
Well. Never mind. They were right. This was exactly the light and ridiculous stories I needed to read.
The end.
Oh but� the local fan club is asking for deer with swords next.
September 1, 2024
Cute, funny, and an absolute joy to read!! 😂 I wish I'd had this book when I was younger. Still, I enjoyed it even now and stayed up too late reading it. 😴😂
January 16, 2025
4.5 stars!!
February 17, 2024
Pure fun in the style of Lemony Snicket. But without the super depressing-ness of Lemony Snicket.
If you like purposefully bad writing with big words and inside jokes, read this book.
Your kids should for sure read this book. My 11 year old brother gives this 5 stars.
If you like purposefully bad writing with big words and inside jokes, read this book.
Your kids should for sure read this book. My 11 year old brother gives this 5 stars.
December 4, 2023
This was one of the strangest and most hilarious books I think I've ever read about mooses or bazookas.
January 29, 2024
Welp, the only thing that can said about this book is that it is a bookish book full of fun, humor, and humorous fun. Speaking of humor, have you prepared your home for the incoming bear attack? You should. You won't? I'm offended.
5/5 Stars
5/5 Stars
January 27, 2025
I love this book! It is SO hilarious. I actually laughed out loud many times.
January 7, 2024
welp, it seems i too have been stranded on a desert (not dessert) island (my bed) with no way of escaping (not wanting to stop reading), which is not a problemo for me, cuz at least i have decent entertainment am i right? i’ve thought of writing letters of my own, but i decided to stick with creating my book journal page for MOOSES with BAZOOKAS�
4 stars (i lost the fight for the fifth star. pro tip: don’t try to distract the monsters with peaches. they are NOT vegetarian).
4 stars (i lost the fight for the fifth star. pro tip: don’t try to distract the monsters with peaches. they are NOT vegetarian).
January 1, 2024
This book made me laugh so hard I coughed. My doctor once told me the coughing is the worst medicine, but I have a bit of a rebellious streak, so reading this book gave me quite a thrill. I enjoyed it immensely.
January 17, 2024
This. Book. Was. AMAZING! It was really really funny and a quick read. The grammar was so wrong that it was perfect. I highly recomend it to any kid in the world.
August 8, 2024
Mooses with Bazookas
Overall Rating: � � � (3/5) or 6.14/10 overall
Characters - 6
Atmosphere - 6
Writing - 7
Plot - 6
Intrigue - 7
Logic - 5
Enjoyment - 6
Overall Rating: � � � (3/5) or 6.14/10 overall
Characters - 6
Atmosphere - 6
Writing - 7
Plot - 6
Intrigue - 7
Logic - 5
Enjoyment - 6
July 15, 2024
"What did you think of the book?"
[son still has his nose buried deep in the pages] "It's fun. But Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't think it's very realistic. Moose don't walk on two legs."
(Generally, moose don't use bazookas either, but that's neither here nor there...)
Great for kids. Also great for the parents who want a good laugh! (Yes I read it too, over his shoulder. Call it parent-child bonding, call it a break from 'real life', call it what you will. I laughed a lot too.)
[son still has his nose buried deep in the pages] "It's fun. But Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't think it's very realistic. Moose don't walk on two legs."
(Generally, moose don't use bazookas either, but that's neither here nor there...)
Great for kids. Also great for the parents who want a good laugh! (Yes I read it too, over his shoulder. Call it parent-child bonding, call it a break from 'real life', call it what you will. I laughed a lot too.)
November 27, 2024
Random audiobook I listened to today, it looked interesting and it was on Canon+. I think it would be an immensely fun book to read aloud to young boys.
April 12, 2025
Giggled and laughed so much my imaginary friends thought me crazy. Five stars.
November 7, 2024
A collection of stories held together by a framing story that gets its own plot. Unrelentingly silly in a fun way that rolls around in its own jokes. I let car passengers be subjected to it because the short story format worked and they were mostly amused, including several laugh out loud moments in the title story which is definitely the best.
I thought it was nominated for the Cybils but apparently not? Humph.
I thought it was nominated for the Cybils but apparently not? Humph.
March 6, 2024
Great book! Listening to Wally’s letters literally compressed time, turning 7 hours of being stuck in the snowy Sierras into maybe 3 or 4 hours. We aren’t sure where the time went, but it flew by faster than a blind bear in a tank. The book is intensely practical, imparting such wisdom as the importance of always pointing your bazooka away from you. Thanks!
March 3, 2025
Welp, my 5th grade son thought the letters and the "Mooses With Bazookas" story (i.e. most of the book) was pretty funny and I enjoyed watching him enjoy it more than I enjoyed it, myself. 3-stars from me but more from him, who was more likely the intended audience.
Note: we listened to an audiobook, though that's not currently an edition I can select.
Another note: I found it strange that I came across this book in a Libby search for books by Sarah Clarkson. I was looking for her book on silence...and this was one of the results. (I thought maybe it had something to do with the Story Warren imprint but realized it is because there was a Joel Clarkson and a Sarah Mackenzie in the list of narrators). Ha!
Note: we listened to an audiobook, though that's not currently an edition I can select.
Another note: I found it strange that I came across this book in a Libby search for books by Sarah Clarkson. I was looking for her book on silence...and this was one of the results. (I thought maybe it had something to do with the Story Warren imprint but realized it is because there was a Joel Clarkson and a Sarah Mackenzie in the list of narrators). Ha!
April 22, 2024
Caught me at the perfect time when I just needed some zany humor and happy storys.
I think the letters were my favorite part of the book. Though the introduction and ad breaks were also amazing.
If you need a laugh, this is a good way to get it.
I think the letters were my favorite part of the book. Though the introduction and ad breaks were also amazing.
If you need a laugh, this is a good way to get it.
July 26, 2024
We listened to this while traveling today. It was absolutely ridiculous—but in the best of ways.
September 16, 2024
Welp. You couldn’t say that I didn’t like this book.
Fun and easy � honestly, book-loving, nerdy adults/writers would probably like it better than kids!
Fun and easy � honestly, book-loving, nerdy adults/writers would probably like it better than kids!
November 17, 2024
Truly a book filled with "expert" advice, floating letters, hot dogs, Earthese, and above all...mooses with bazookas.
March 16, 2024
Welp, definitely laughed throughout this book! Worth it! 😂
August 18, 2024
Oof. The three stars are because this is S.D. Smith, it’s helping reluctant readers, and the kids are enjoying it. S.D. Smith has written some of the best books of this generation, but this one made me feel like my brains were falling out of my head 🤪
May 19, 2024
This book is brilliantly hilarious. So very clever! And don't miss the extras in the audiobook.
January 12, 2024
Horrible, so glad I read it. Really, I'm glad I did.
May 14, 2024
This hilarious collection of short stories perfectly captures S. D. Smith’s funny side, something that we didn’t see a ton of in The Green Ember. My personal favorite story was Mooses with Bazookas, but they were all very funny. I highly recommend!
January 5, 2025
In cracking open this collection of collected memoirs, aptly named “Mooses with Bazookas,� I wasn’t sure where to start. So, resorting to science, I flipped through the pages while covering one eye. Meanwhile, my other hand (actually my left thumb) picked at random and landed on the book’s copyright page.
My thoughts said out loud, “That’s a start.� The book’s copyright page wasn’t the most riveting material, but it was there. I guess attendance counts for something, if nothing else than for legal purposes. Still, I’m not really sure why it takes a whole page to say, “Kindly don’t steal this, or we’ll sue.� But oh well, I guess that’s part of growing up. “We recommend adults drag the boring bits a little longer,� as they say.
On a side note, or maybe this is the main note at this point, I have a problem with titles like, “Mooses with Bazookas.� It’s very hard to remember, and I always get it wrong (in my head, of course; I would never attempt to say “Mooses with Bazookas� out loud. They might confiscate my exclusive press pass to all the things I’m not invited to but sneak into anyway.) Anyway, I keep calling it “Mooses and Bazookas� instead of the politically correct title “Mooses with Bazookas.�
You see, I like to walk on eggshells. For one, it’s more convenient in the morning when you’re half-awake, making an omelet, and can’t reach the trash. And two, I like to treat everybody with the same respect that I’ve been told I don’t deserve. When I mistakenly say, “Mooses and Bazookas,� that’s like putting those two things together as equals. And that’s an insult to the beautiful and inspired creative handiwork that made the wonderfully intricate bazooka.
But moving past the book’s copyright page, there were a good number of other, half-blank filler pages, at least on one side. I’d turn the page and find a new chapter behind it, but why the waste of paper? That about sums up the entire experience, with nothing of note besides the origin of the word “abundance� (hint: it’s about hot dogs and a “bun dance�). There was the obligatory moose with a bazooka, among other things, followed by a good deal (and not the “running a sale� kind) of advertisements for other works by the same author. I guess that was his embarrassing way of saying, “I’m sorry I wrote this; maybe try these instead.�
I can’t say I loved “Mooses with Bazookas.� More like five stars out of ten, or 5.1, which is approximately 51% of “Eh for effort.� And as they say, 51% of an “Eh� sound makes an “A� sound. So really, A+ for atrocious. There wasn’t really anything to deem it an ingenious work packed with memorable action scenes, plenty of wit, and a few surprises. It was more like an absolute riot that had gotten out of control, and nobody remembers why they were there in the first place. Not highly recommended. But I don't not recommend it either.
My thoughts said out loud, “That’s a start.� The book’s copyright page wasn’t the most riveting material, but it was there. I guess attendance counts for something, if nothing else than for legal purposes. Still, I’m not really sure why it takes a whole page to say, “Kindly don’t steal this, or we’ll sue.� But oh well, I guess that’s part of growing up. “We recommend adults drag the boring bits a little longer,� as they say.
On a side note, or maybe this is the main note at this point, I have a problem with titles like, “Mooses with Bazookas.� It’s very hard to remember, and I always get it wrong (in my head, of course; I would never attempt to say “Mooses with Bazookas� out loud. They might confiscate my exclusive press pass to all the things I’m not invited to but sneak into anyway.) Anyway, I keep calling it “Mooses and Bazookas� instead of the politically correct title “Mooses with Bazookas.�
You see, I like to walk on eggshells. For one, it’s more convenient in the morning when you’re half-awake, making an omelet, and can’t reach the trash. And two, I like to treat everybody with the same respect that I’ve been told I don’t deserve. When I mistakenly say, “Mooses and Bazookas,� that’s like putting those two things together as equals. And that’s an insult to the beautiful and inspired creative handiwork that made the wonderfully intricate bazooka.
But moving past the book’s copyright page, there were a good number of other, half-blank filler pages, at least on one side. I’d turn the page and find a new chapter behind it, but why the waste of paper? That about sums up the entire experience, with nothing of note besides the origin of the word “abundance� (hint: it’s about hot dogs and a “bun dance�). There was the obligatory moose with a bazooka, among other things, followed by a good deal (and not the “running a sale� kind) of advertisements for other works by the same author. I guess that was his embarrassing way of saying, “I’m sorry I wrote this; maybe try these instead.�
I can’t say I loved “Mooses with Bazookas.� More like five stars out of ten, or 5.1, which is approximately 51% of “Eh for effort.� And as they say, 51% of an “Eh� sound makes an “A� sound. So really, A+ for atrocious. There wasn’t really anything to deem it an ingenious work packed with memorable action scenes, plenty of wit, and a few surprises. It was more like an absolute riot that had gotten out of control, and nobody remembers why they were there in the first place. Not highly recommended. But I don't not recommend it either.
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