Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ

Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

Ten Simple Tips for Surviving the Apocalypse

Rate this book
Dear Author,
Those of us who survived the virus that wiped out 50% of the population are the lucky ones. Those of us who survived the subsequent wars that decimated the world as we know it, throwing us back into a pre-industrial era are the lucky ones. Those of us who survived are the lucky ones.
Except� Some of us are different. Some of us are changing. Some say the virus mutated. Some say it is a result of genetic warfare. All I know is that I can see better in the dark, I can hear from further away and I am stronger now than I ever have been before. And I have claws.
We may not be the lucky ones after all.

Photo Description:
A person stares out at you, someone clearly no longer human. His hair is white, his skin is dusky purple, and his eyes are the color of honey. He’s scarred, a cut spanning his face from cheek to cheek, and he’s looking at you like you might be lunch.

This story was written as a part of the M/M Romance Group's "Love is an Open Road" event. Group members were asked to write a story prompt inspired by a photo of their choice. Authors of the group selected a photo and prompt that spoke to them and wrote a short story.

This story may contain sexually explicit content and is intended for adult readers. It may contain content that is disagreeable or distressing to some readers. The M/M Romance Group strongly recommends that each reader review the General Information section before each story for story tags as well as for content warnings.

118 pages, ebook

First published June 12, 2015

7 people are currently reading
547 people want to read

About the author

Cari Z.

137Ìýbooks526Ìýfollowers
Cari Z. is a Colorado girl who loves snow and sunshine. She has a wonderful relationship with her husband, a complex relationship with the characters in her head and a sadomasochistic relationship with her exercise routine. She feels like Halloween should happen every month, which is why you get this picture of her, and hopes that you enjoy reading what she's put out there as much as she enjoyed writing it in the first place.

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
246 (37%)
4 stars
291 (44%)
3 stars
96 (14%)
2 stars
11 (1%)
1 star
8 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 157 reviews
Profile Image for Jenni Lea.
801 reviews297 followers
June 24, 2015

My prompt!

*drops everything to read*



Dude! This is so Conrad.

*

So nice I read it twice.

I cannot express the amount of joy this story has brought me. Cari Z. took my little ole prompt and didn't just knock it out of the park, she blasted it out of the stratosphere!

Anyone who knows me well knows what I like in a book. My closest friends will recommend books to me and say something like, "this is a JL book" meaning that the story hits a lot of my buttons and usually follows the norm of what I like to read. Well, I can confidently say that this is the epitome of a JL book.

It has everything I could ask for in a story. And I mean everything. It has action and adventure. It has humor and snark and witticism. It has romance and fight scenes. It has hijinks and shenanigans. Basically it's The Princess Bride of the Love is an Open Road event. At least to me it is.

I feel like I have won the lottery. I hit the jackpot with the author who picked my prompt. Thank you SO VERY MUCH Cari Z., for picking my prompt and writing such an amazing story. Thank you also for listening to my ramblings and actually incorporating them all. I don't think you missed even one of them. Bravo, Cari Z., bravo.

Now, please excuse me while I run off and read this again.

Profile Image for Optimist â™°King's Wenchâ™°.
1,804 reviews3,948 followers
August 8, 2015
description

I was so looking forward to this prompt when I saw it and Cari Z. made it into something I'll undoubtedly have to read again. Every time I read her writes I like them more, but this is by far the best thing I've read by her.

It's funny. I don't mean regular funny either. I mean I cackled out loud. More than once. Here was the first one:

Is he a badass who could probably kill me with his pinkie finger and a roll of dental floss? Well, yeah.


Conrad is a badass. He and Javi meet unexpectedly post-apocalypse in the middle of a street strewn with the bodies of five dead mutants and Conrad in a dingy three piece suit and armed to the teeth.

Javi high tails it out of there on his pink Huffy with a quickness but stupid tree root is stupid.

Conrad has been infected but no ones knows how the virus will affect them or why some, like Javi, are seemingly immune. They join forces and becomes friends then more.

I loved that both of them are corny, they snark at each other, they do silly things together, they try to torment one another with Shakespeare and The Eagles; they genuinely like each other and that shines through. I love when that happens!

No information dumps to be found. We get the information about the virus in bits and pieces along with both of their backstories.

It's all told in first person present tense which I know some will dislike. Personally I don't care. Give me a good story and you can tell it to me in pictographs for all I care. Besides Javi is blunt, crude and hilarious. He's also a chatterbox. I loved being with him and learning his survival tips for post-apocalyptic life.

Their relationship evolves organically from frenemies to lovers. There's not a whole lot of heat between them; it's sweeter than I would've imagined, but it seemed fitting.

“Doubt thou the stars are fire,� he murmured against my forehead. “Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.�


I was worried there would be too much zombie/mutantness happening for me but, thankfully, that was not the case. No squicking at all!

Highly recommend. Chock full of good feels.

Thanks to the author and her team for this story. It made my day.
Profile Image for Rosa, really.
583 reviews325 followers
June 28, 2015

Conrad snorted. "Don't confuse the two of us. You're the fanciful idiot, and I'm the bad ass operator keeping you alive."
That was...



...and I want more.

Really, that's my only compliant. I wanted it to go on longer.

Gotta say, I'm really impressed by Cari Z.'s range. The first story in this event that I read by her was (hitman and a cop), then it was (office romance with a silver fox) and now it's this one--which is an apocalyptic roadtrip.

All are awesome.
Profile Image for Vivian.
2,898 reviews479 followers
June 26, 2015
When the end of the world isn't, aka Zombieland meets Sean of the Dead.

And yes, Javi's from LA so that whole _____ meets _____ comparison is absolutely critical. This was awesome fun. Witty buddy road trip with handy tips. There's Shakespeare, touching backstories, and practical how-tos.

Overall, entertaining and snarky adventure with a romance. WINNER!

Quote for flavor:
This sounded like a not very good plan to me. “There’s already trouble, and it probably outnumbers us, and you want to go jump its fence and shit on its grass?� I demanded.

“No. I want to jump its fence, stroll into its house, and stab it through the heart while it’s still asleep.�



Thanks to the author for taking part in the MM Group's DRitC 2015 Love is an Open Road event
Profile Image for Dalia.
280 reviews93 followers
June 29, 2015
Fun postapocalyptic story with some feels thrown into it. Loved it!
I mean, I wasn’t a saint, and the guy was still incredibly hot, purple or not. Mostly purple at this point, actually. It went aaaaall the way down, that purple. Blowing him would be like deep throating a plum.
Profile Image for Meags.
2,394 reviews649 followers
November 18, 2019
4 Stars

I’ve finally popped my Cari Z cherry and what a memorable experience it was!

In this post-apocalyptic novella, we go on a hazardous and hair-raising road trip (of sorts) with main characters Javi and Conrad, when they meet and join forces a little over a year after the initial outbreak of a deadly virus causes the collapse of society.

Javi is our narrator and boy does he entertain. As the title suggests, Javi guides the reader through his ten most vital tips for surviving an apocalypse. While sharing his tried and true wisdom, Javi gives us some background info about what went down when the virus struck, allowing the reader to witness a few key moments of his harrowing fight for survival.

Javi’s new partnership with Conrad � a slightly older, completely badass dude who has been experiencing mutations from the virus � is continually evolving, to the point that they’ve gone from two strangers sharing a bike, to lovers and one another’s reason to fight another day. And, remarkably, even with all the “end of days� horror of it all, Javi and Conrad manage to keep their senses of humour, to a point, snipping and snarking at one another in a fun and cheeky kind of way, that only aides in their growing feelings for one another.

I enjoyed Javi and Conrad’s interactions, and although their romance has more of a tentative HFN vibe to it, I still felt hopeful that everything would work out for these two in the long run.

Notably, this story is really well-paced, keeping up the action perfectly while also remaining fairly amusing throughout. I particularly enjoyed the narrative style; Javi’s pearls of wisdom were as amusing as they were informative and useful � I just hope I never have to put them into practice!

I’ve read many an apocalyptic tale in my time, yet Cari Z managed to deliver something truly unique and memorable here. And the fact it’s a free story, simply adds to the awesome appeal.
Profile Image for Otila.
364 reviews29 followers
July 28, 2015
This story has it all--humor, action, romance, a zombie(ish) apocalypse...

It's just all around

Profile Image for Kristan.
379 reviews41 followers
August 31, 2015
Bring it zombies!

description

Thanks to this guide, I have every skill I need to survive the impending zombie apocalypse.

Actually, no.

That's a lie.

I'm under no delusion that I would survive the first wave. It'll be like Dawn of the Dead all over again, because I just had to go save my dog, which ran out after that zombie to bark at/play with/and or get a non-existent treat off of.

Yeah, I'm that girl.

description

The one that will probably get a lot of people killed on accident.

This survival guide was a heck of a lot of fun. It's snarky and funny, and at times, very sweet. What turns out to be a much needed mission for one, and an ensured chance of survival for the other, turns into something more for the both of them. Off key Eagles songs, unwanted Shakespeare sonnets, pink bicycles, and nighttime cuddles included. What more could a girl ask for?

Well, maybe a Conrad of my own. See, I've taken the test at the end, I'm the invisible cinnamon roll. I might get passed up if a group comes along (and if it's the zombies that are looking for me, I'm hoping I do.) But if in the event a group of survivors come along, and I'm not passed over or eaten, there's a chance I could become the group's newest shiny treasure!

Or slave�

Well... As long as I'm the most popular one.

My thanks to the author for their wisdom and participation in the Love is an Open Road event.
Profile Image for Lilia Ford.
AuthorÌý15 books196 followers
June 23, 2015
Wonderful. Funny, well-written, heartfelt. I loved the narrator, loved the breezy road-trip atmosphere, which meshed surprisingly well with the zombie-apocalypse setting. Definite favorite from this year's event.
Profile Image for * A Reader Obsessed *.
2,548 reviews547 followers
July 8, 2017
This was a great, snarky commentary from protagonist Javi, as he navigates his new reality - the fall of mankind due to a deadly virus. However all is not lost as he teams up with a mutating Conrad, who has been acquiring some advantageous assets.

In between the crazy, life threatening situations, there was plenty of levity and humor for continuous enjoyment despite the sobering setting. Add in a budding romance in the face of all things depressingly impossible, and you've got one wild, roller coaster ride of awesome!
Profile Image for Sunny.
1,012 reviews127 followers
June 22, 2015
Awesome dystopian read. At first, the almost frenetic 1st person POV didn't work for me, but it settled down quickly as we met the other MC, and then I was hooked.Ìý Javi was a great narrator, entertaining and sweet.Ìý And I loved Conrad, too.Ìý It makes me happy when characterizations are so solid; consistent and supported by a lot of showing through dialogue and actions.

A darker story perfectly tempered by humor. I wanted more!
Profile Image for Finnegan.
1,246 reviews59 followers
June 21, 2015
This is one of my favourite prompts for this year's DRitC event, and the author did not dissappoint. The story is funny as hell, and I loved Javi. He is funny and witty, sharp and clever, and survived terrible things with his mind and his sense of humour still intact. Conrad looked like the big bad, but he is actually not. And together they are so very good.
Profile Image for ♣ Irish Smurfétté ♣.
715 reviews164 followers
August 8, 2015
I can say that everything I've read of Cari Z's (and there've been a handful now) I've enjoyed. Not too shabby a track record, eh? Especially since it continues with this'n.

Extremely well paced, in both story and dialogue (a tricky thing to make it read like we talk), giving everything an authentic feel.

Quick wits are mixed with brutal honesty and just as raw emotion, especially in the quiet moments. They build upon each other, giving us that necessary thing called depth. Ya don't got that good story thing if ya ain't got that believability swing.

Before I get all pomp and circumstance, lemme drop a line or three:

You've got to have fun in life, even if life currently blows a pygmy goat.

Or...

"Don't confuse the two of us. You're the fanciful idiot, and I'm the badass operator keeping us alive."

Because who doesn't love Will Shakespeare mixed in with their zombie-poc, especially Rosencrantz and Guildenstern? I definitely do.

And...

You've got more power than you realize over the people around you. Think about that before you go irreparably damaging them.

Ok, so this last one isn't humorous at all. Sue me. I wandered into the raw emotion zone. She started it, what with her talk of unexpected heartbreak, dirty hope, and the exhausting trudge of survival.

This is what I hope for and so love in a fantastic story, especially one about humans attempting to survive in a world that no longer works by their rules: all the bullshit gets exposed and a few find a way to fucking grab a hold and demand more than their obliterated existence has a right to grant.

I could not find fault. Well fucking done.
Profile Image for Ami.
6,134 reviews490 followers
June 20, 2015
3.5 stars

If you read the blurb -- and see the photo prompt -- you might not expect a story that presented with humorous (and lighter) tone. But this was what make Ten Simple Tips for Surviving the Apocalypse as a quite nice and entertaining surprise.

While staying true to the prompt (as we found out how Conrad, who was infected by the Purple virus, slowly changed physically), it also brought up a great budding-romance in a ROAD TRIP(!!!) as Javi and Conrad went together to Javi's grandfather’s cabin in the Cochetopa Hills. The ten tips -- which were written as chapters -- were smart and witty.

I definitely recommend this if you wanted something light in between your heavier novel. And tried to answer the quiz Cari Z put at the end to check your readiness for Apocalypse :)
Profile Image for Tess.
2,117 reviews26 followers
February 3, 2016
Were you expecting dark and gritty based on the prompt?!? Think again. Sure this was kind of dark and gritty but it balanced out way more on the side of funny and sweet. I loved the style of humour -- it had me grinning most of the way through. Javi's thoughts and survival tips? Pretty hilarious. His growing relationship with his "frenemy" Conrad? All kinds of cuddly, sweet, sexy awesomeness.

I'd love to see more of these guys.

Yet another big win from this year's Love is an Open Road series.
Profile Image for Chelsea.
935 reviews7 followers
February 11, 2019
re-read - February 2019 - so much fun!

Wow that was great! What a unique story!! I loved the writing style, it was so easy to read and the humor made the obvious darker situations fun, still bloody heart pounding at times, but lots of fun.

I loved the relationship and banter between Conrad and Javi!! There sex scene was hot! And I was on the edge of my seat with anticipation as to how everything would resolve.

Most of all I loved when the prompt picture came up, it felt like a twist, probably because i forgot all about the picture until it came up but I was like, 'that is sooo cool'!!

Loved this story.
June 29, 2015
Why? Why? Why? No! No! No! Just a few more pages PLEASE???

Huh, this is not even a genre I normally enjoy but I absolutely love this! L-O-V-E-D it!!

I'd be dead and won't even take the quiz, no need, I just know.

Thanks to all the Group members who provided awesome prompts with lovely pictures, the authors for writing free stories based on those prompts for all of us to read for free and the M/M Romance Group for all their hard work in putting this years Don’t Read in the Closet event, Love is an Open Road, together.
Profile Image for Lisa Arbitrary - AttentionIsArbitrary M/M Blog.
332 reviews136 followers
June 15, 2015
~~~

My tip for surviving the apocalypse? Choose Javi as your frenemy and you'll be golden, or at least pleasantly purple.

Conrad snorted. “Don't confuse the two of us. You're the fanciful idiot, and I'm the bad ass operator keeping you alive�


just has a way of making me forget everything while getting lost in her stories. This was no exception. A really nice, enjoyable break from the norm. If a happy-go-lucky, post-apocalyptic, budding romance sounds good give this a go. I think you'll enjoy the adventure.

~~~
Profile Image for wesley.
223 reviews245 followers
October 6, 2015

A geeky guy who loves Shakespeare, has a pink bike for a post-apocalyptic ride, and a badass mutating military guy for a companion? What's not to like?

With quirky characters who are different from but complement one another, funny and witty storytelling, and rather enjoyable post-apocalyptic tips on the side -- the story certainly has the necessary elements for a fast but action-packed adventure. 4 purple stars for this book.

Profile Image for captain raccoon..
199 reviews111 followers
July 20, 2015

I was already quite sure I'd be amazeballs when the apocalypse finally comes, but reading this survival guide just confirms it.

I've totes got this.
Profile Image for Maygirl7.
824 reviews58 followers
June 21, 2015
That was pretty freaking perfect. Humorous; likable, relatable characters with good chemistry; enough action; some plot; no insta-love; and the cherry on top an epilogue that works the way an epilogue should (let's you know enough to not fear for the MCs without describing in detail so that it ruins the story you've written in your head for what an HEA looks like). Highly recommended. Plus this goodness is free. It's a win win.
Profile Image for Malinda.
1,852 reviews245 followers
February 5, 2016
4.5-5 stars

This was a great story. I love both Conrad and Javi and enjoyed their story a lot!

When the story begins, the plague started around a year or so before. The sickness killed some but others mutate into purple skin and white hair with sharper than normal teeth and claws. Some remain in their heads but some go feral and attack like animals. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sickness doesn't just affect humans...it also affects any mammal. Because of this, there are feral creatures out there that are very dangerous and survivors have to be cautious of.

Javi had been traveling with some friends but lost them due to extenuating circumstances (of which there are a lot in an apocalyptic setting). He was continuing on his own when he came across Conrad. Javi didn't really trust Conrad but Conrad needed a mission and keeping Javi alive became that mission. Things are tense between them at first and it takes some time for them to go past partners to something more. Obviously, with the apocalyptic setting, things aren't easy on the duo...food is sparse, there's danger from mutant creatures and the other survivors (both mutated and not) are usually hostile.

With time together, Javi and Conrad start to open up to each other and slowly become more than just travelling partners. Conrad has been infected and is mutating. He has issues accepting it and is afraid of what he might become. Javi worries a bit too but is more accepting and doesn't believe that Conrad will turn feral. Javi actually starts to like how Conrad looks and this is helpful to Conrad. They go through a lot of crap together but it really solidifies their relationship. The story ends with Javi and Conrad reaching safety and being as close to a HEA as you can get in a post-apocalyptic world.

This was a great story. I liked how it was formatted so each chapter circled around a tip and used it to lead into more of the story. Javi and Conrad made a great couple once they truly were "together" and watching them get to that point was fun in itself. Overall, this story wasn't perfect but I found it to be highly enjoyable. My only complaint is that I didn't want it to end. I'd recommend this story. Thumbs up. :D

2/5/16 - I just finished a reread of this story and I still love it. :D
Profile Image for Meep.
2,164 reviews219 followers
June 28, 2015
Thanks to the author for participating and offering this freebie

I liked it, but.. and the but there is all on me.

It's a light-hearted zombie fic, which is great. I loved concept of the mutating virus that was interesting and new. The characters are interesting although the Shakespeare quotes bemused me, but were used to create a sweet moment later in the fic.

While this story is entirely original the problem was I kept thinking of an absolute favourite of mine. However unjust it might be, it held me back from loving this.

Lots to like but somehow it didn't quite wow me.
Profile Image for QuietlyKat.
648 reviews7 followers
September 20, 2023
Original review August 2020:
This... uh... may be a weird time to choose to read a story about a post-apocalyptic, dystopian world changed by a deadly pandemic but I have no regrets. Loved it and highly recommend even amidst this current pandemic.

Reread September 2023:
I enjoyed this the second time around but maybe not so much I’d give it a full 5 stars. Still, a great read, very Cari Z who is one of my trusted faves.
Profile Image for Alisa.
1,859 reviews201 followers
April 2, 2016
What a fun read this was. It had a bit of everything.....action, adventure, humor and some romance. Who knew quoting Shakespeare during an apocalypse could be such a sweet moment? Javi was a great narrator and I laughed out loud more than once. I really enjoyed this author's writing style. I've never read her before but can't wait to try more of her work.
Profile Image for Jyanx.
AuthorÌý3 books107 followers
July 20, 2015
Really well written, and engaging story. I loved the characters, plot, and feel to this story. The writing is excellent, and I loved the humor to the story. One of my new favorites from this year's event.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 157 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.