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Never Now Always
Weird sci-fi novella that explores how the stories we tell about ourselves shape us and those around us. It's a chilling and thoughtful look at the thin line between memory and dream and the drive to find family.
Never Now Always takes place in a future in which something's gone terribly wrong. But Lolo's memories aren't what they used to be. What's real? What's dream? She can't say, but she's sure there used to be more. Who are these Caretakers? Where's her family, her sister? What happened to the world? So many questions. Time to find answers.
Never Now Always is a weird sci-fi search for meaning, an apocalyptic murder mystery. It's a twisting mix of The Great Escape, Dark City, and Jacob's Ladder.
Never Now Always takes place in a future in which something's gone terribly wrong. But Lolo's memories aren't what they used to be. What's real? What's dream? She can't say, but she's sure there used to be more. Who are these Caretakers? Where's her family, her sister? What happened to the world? So many questions. Time to find answers.
Never Now Always is a weird sci-fi search for meaning, an apocalyptic murder mystery. It's a twisting mix of The Great Escape, Dark City, and Jacob's Ladder.
- GenresScience Fiction
98 pages, Paperback
First published June 17, 2017
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78 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
July 20, 2019
I have no objection to ambiguous endings, or opaque narratives, or non-realistic characters. In fact, in principle, I adore all of those things (and use them all myself). But this book left me cold.
It took me a while to figure out why I wasn't enjoying it more. I think it was because of the way it's written. The language/prose style is front and centre all the time, to the point where the book as a whole feels more like a literary exercise than anything else.
And again, I have no objection to stylistic experimentation, quite the reverse, but in this case the story wasn't compelling enough, or the constructed world intriguing enough, to carry me along. It felt like style for style's sake.
Maybe I just wasn't in the mood and need to reread it another time, but it's a meh from me this time around.
It took me a while to figure out why I wasn't enjoying it more. I think it was because of the way it's written. The language/prose style is front and centre all the time, to the point where the book as a whole feels more like a literary exercise than anything else.
And again, I have no objection to stylistic experimentation, quite the reverse, but in this case the story wasn't compelling enough, or the constructed world intriguing enough, to carry me along. It felt like style for style's sake.
Maybe I just wasn't in the mood and need to reread it another time, but it's a meh from me this time around.
May 1, 2017
A haunting novella set in a strange dystopian future where memory is unreliable and time unpredictable. Protagonist / narrator Lolo is an ageless little girl, at once childlike in her innocence, yet burdened with experience seemingly beyond her years. It falls unto her to break her way out of the routines of her antiseptic, white-walled world while she can, but is the freedom she seeks everything she hopes it will be? An intriguing and genuinely touching story.
July 13, 2019
This story starts out very challenging. It was immensely difficult for me to get any grasp of what was going on for a long time because we are constrained to the narrative viewpoint of a small girl, Lolo, for a description of a complicated and unusual situation. Even worse, Lolo is being subject to memory wipes, so she proves unreliable. The author asks for a lot of patience from the reader as she slowly drops clues.
Once I did deduce the underlying premise, I enjoyed the story immensely.
It must have been a real challenge for the author to write from such a limited perspective, and she wobbled a bit in trying to pull it off. For instance, the author occasionally slipped up and had Lolo know more than she could possibly have realized. The most egregious example of this was when Lolo recognized a device as a scanner. No way could such a small girl recognize a scanner, or its use, but the author must have decided she needed her audience to know and so had the character recognize it. Other times, the author gave Lolo skills of deception accompanied by elusive moves well beyond her years, ones that would have done James Bond credit. These are fairly minor points for me, improbabilities I forgave the author for the sake of the story. They might be substantial plot holes for other readers though.
Because of the vagueness of much of the first half of the story, I found myself reading into the story in order to try to guess at what was going on. Even after finishing the story I am not sure my guesses are correct. The author never makes everything completely clear. I do think my guesses as to what is occurring are possible and consistent with what the author wrote. If you haven't read the story yet, you should not read my guesses about what goes on in the plot. They would probably unduly influence your reading. Normally, I would not put plot elements in a review because they're obvious, but here they are debatable. In fact, if other readers think I missed something important or am simply wrong, which is entirely possible, I'd welcome reading about it.
I like the ending. It's an original and daring conclusion to an interesting plot in its defiance of conventional thinking. The oft-held premise we see in such old-time shows as the Star Trek original TV series episode "The Menagerie" () which posits that humans have to be free or they'll die, that they can't stand captivity, is challenged here.
Boskovich has a point. Children must be "captives" of some sort by someone in order to survive. Ideally we all want them to be their parents' captives. But if not their parents, are aliens with a questionable agenda okay? Boskovich wisely never shows us an alien clearly mistreating a child. This allows us room to wonder if captivity in this particular case beats the alternative of freedom and having to fend ineffectually for oneself? It's a mind blowing question!
My interpretation of what's going on may not be quite right. That is probably a fault of the author's storytelling, that she leaves so much unsaid that readers have to supply parts of the story that could be wrong or unintended. Maybe I should knock my rating down to three stars for that reason, and I would. Except that when I add my interpretation to what Boskovich wrote, I really like the story. Author and reader have to team up to an unusual (maybe unique) extent to arrive at the story, but the story really works then! I guess you'll have to decide for yourself if the author gives you enough to effectively do this or not.
I look forward to reading more works by .
Once I did deduce the underlying premise, I enjoyed the story immensely.
It must have been a real challenge for the author to write from such a limited perspective, and she wobbled a bit in trying to pull it off. For instance, the author occasionally slipped up and had Lolo know more than she could possibly have realized. The most egregious example of this was when Lolo recognized a device as a scanner. No way could such a small girl recognize a scanner, or its use, but the author must have decided she needed her audience to know and so had the character recognize it. Other times, the author gave Lolo skills of deception accompanied by elusive moves well beyond her years, ones that would have done James Bond credit. These are fairly minor points for me, improbabilities I forgave the author for the sake of the story. They might be substantial plot holes for other readers though.
Because of the vagueness of much of the first half of the story, I found myself reading into the story in order to try to guess at what was going on. Even after finishing the story I am not sure my guesses are correct. The author never makes everything completely clear. I do think my guesses as to what is occurring are possible and consistent with what the author wrote. If you haven't read the story yet, you should not read my guesses about what goes on in the plot. They would probably unduly influence your reading. Normally, I would not put plot elements in a review because they're obvious, but here they are debatable. In fact, if other readers think I missed something important or am simply wrong, which is entirely possible, I'd welcome reading about it.
I like the ending. It's an original and daring conclusion to an interesting plot in its defiance of conventional thinking. The oft-held premise we see in such old-time shows as the Star Trek original TV series episode "The Menagerie" () which posits that humans have to be free or they'll die, that they can't stand captivity, is challenged here.
Boskovich has a point. Children must be "captives" of some sort by someone in order to survive. Ideally we all want them to be their parents' captives. But if not their parents, are aliens with a questionable agenda okay? Boskovich wisely never shows us an alien clearly mistreating a child. This allows us room to wonder if captivity in this particular case beats the alternative of freedom and having to fend ineffectually for oneself? It's a mind blowing question!
My interpretation of what's going on may not be quite right. That is probably a fault of the author's storytelling, that she leaves so much unsaid that readers have to supply parts of the story that could be wrong or unintended. Maybe I should knock my rating down to three stars for that reason, and I would. Except that when I add my interpretation to what Boskovich wrote, I really like the story. Author and reader have to team up to an unusual (maybe unique) extent to arrive at the story, but the story really works then! I guess you'll have to decide for yourself if the author gives you enough to effectively do this or not.
I look forward to reading more works by .
July 18, 2017
Unnerving Magazine Review
Never Now Always is different. The narrative carries upon an abstract style that took a couple chapters to warm to. There’s a sense of rebooting heads and mismatched voices that appear contradictory–too adult versus a juvenile nature–until the fog clears and the situation begins to reveal itself.
But once you’re in, you’re in.
At times, this story reminded of other written works–The Unit by Ninni Holmqvist and Memento Mori by Nathan Nolan–as well as films–Cube, The Matrix, and although redundant to mention, Memento. It is a harrowing journey towards freedom and all the costs to body and mind in realizing such a state of existence.
I suppose it falls into the category of slipstream rather than science fiction, fantasy or horror, though there are elements of all. It is endearing and thrilling as the chase begins and hope blooms. It is unpredictable and the visuals invoked are tremendous and vast, at one point fantastically terrifying. Never Now Always is tough journey with little hope and it is absolutely deserving of any attention it will receive.
Never Now Always is different. The narrative carries upon an abstract style that took a couple chapters to warm to. There’s a sense of rebooting heads and mismatched voices that appear contradictory–too adult versus a juvenile nature–until the fog clears and the situation begins to reveal itself.
But once you’re in, you’re in.
At times, this story reminded of other written works–The Unit by Ninni Holmqvist and Memento Mori by Nathan Nolan–as well as films–Cube, The Matrix, and although redundant to mention, Memento. It is a harrowing journey towards freedom and all the costs to body and mind in realizing such a state of existence.
I suppose it falls into the category of slipstream rather than science fiction, fantasy or horror, though there are elements of all. It is endearing and thrilling as the chase begins and hope blooms. It is unpredictable and the visuals invoked are tremendous and vast, at one point fantastically terrifying. Never Now Always is tough journey with little hope and it is absolutely deserving of any attention it will receive.
June 8, 2017
I would like to thank Scott Gable at Broken Eye Books for providing the eARC in exchange for an honest review.
Writing a book with memory loss is a difficult feat, as you want to have just the right amount of mystery mixed with knowledge to keep the readers intrigued.ÌýWhile I feel at times Boskovich achieved this, I also feel like this is something she constantly struggled with. I often found myself confused over the wording and where the story was going, because Boskovich kept everything unclear, and therefore confusing. Other times, like when a character had their memory wiped and had no idea what was going on, I felt like I was in on something, because I knew so many more things than the characters.ÌýBoskovich obviously struggled with the narrative, but it's impressive where she got with how little she had control over.
Now Never AlwaysÌýwas very hard to follow, with a combination of the memory loss struggles, as well as the odd and clunky writing.ÌýThe writing felt extremely awkward, especially when these huge, complicated words were coming out of the mouths of children.ÌýBoskovich seemed to have something going on, with how the narrative would switch between incomplete sentences to full conversations, but these switches came suddenly and without reason.ÌýEven when the writing was normal, it wasn't, because there was always some aspect of it that was unfinished.ÌýDescriptions were left half finished, as were sentences, conversations, and explanations.Ìý
Of the characters, I never really connected with any of them.ÌýLolo, Tess, and Gor were all caricatures, cardboard cut outs of ideas that Boskovich had, but couldn't completely flesh out. Because of this, I was always extremely ostracized from the narrative, and just couldn't get into anything.
When I was approached for this one, I assumed that my review inquiry page was read completely, because a few of my specifications were including when pitching.ÌýHowever, a large, and harmful, part of the story was left out that ultimately can and will harm other readers.ÌýRight in the beginning of the story, Lolo writes on the walls using her own blood. She uses a syringe, and scratches up her body to get to the "ink". Not warning readers of the self harm in the beginning is very dangerous, especially if they themselves were recovering from self harm.
two and a half stars - Overall?
My feelings of this one varied from "one star, lets get this over with" to "four star, omg what's next??" over and over again. I found it difficult to really put a rating to this one, but when the ending came about,ÌýI basically felt like I was cheated out of my time.ÌýMy aptly settled three star dropped, and here we are now.Ìý
Would I Recommend?
If you're into memory loss types of stories, then I would go for it. It's an overall interesting story, and I'm actually still very intrigued over the world and what Boskovich was going for at the end. If she comes out with a sequel, I'd be interested in reading it.
Trigger WarningÌýfor self harm, mental and physical abuse/trauma, kidnap, and memory loss.
July 7, 2019
I really liked the writing and the characters and the adventure, but it was ultimately unsatisfying because
If I have misunderstood
I would have given it one star because of the above, but the writing was too excellent. I intend to read something by this author again. But this one--not good. You've been warned!
If I have misunderstood
I would have given it one star because of the above, but the writing was too excellent. I intend to read something by this author again. But this one--not good. You've been warned!
May 31, 2017
Desirina, you go girl!
This is the first book I have read by this author and let me tell you, she blew me away.
Never Now Always is a very touching story about Lolo. She is having a hard time remembering, well, anything. The past, the present, everything seems so faded. She is determined to find out the answers to the questions she has. The thing is, will what she reveals be what wanted?
This story was touching and very captivating. Desirina gives great detail and leaves no stone unturned. The questions that piled up in my mind were all answered by the time I hit the last page. All I can say is hang onto your hats because this is one intense ride!
This is the first book I have read by this author and let me tell you, she blew me away.
Never Now Always is a very touching story about Lolo. She is having a hard time remembering, well, anything. The past, the present, everything seems so faded. She is determined to find out the answers to the questions she has. The thing is, will what she reveals be what wanted?
This story was touching and very captivating. Desirina gives great detail and leaves no stone unturned. The questions that piled up in my mind were all answered by the time I hit the last page. All I can say is hang onto your hats because this is one intense ride!
May 8, 2017
Desirina Boskovich’s surreal and aptly titled NEVER NOW ALWAYS follows the story of three interconnected characters, Lolo, Gor, and Tess who are only aware of the NOW in which they exist. Memories are wispy images that might or might not be real. The future is opaque. The present is gravely mysterious. Who are they? Where are they? Why are they here?
The characters in this novella are all children. The silent antagonists are featureless adults enacting an impenetrable agenda, keeping the kids, both literally and figuratively, in the dark. I remember feeling this confusion as a child, before my identity had formed. The mystery of existence. Coming to adults with questions they couldn’t answer. Thinking I’d been inserted into a dangerous game where the stakes were high yet no one knew the rules. Or that vital information was being withheld for reasons I couldn’t comprehend.
And now, as an adult, looking back on my childhood with such blistering nostalgia it threatens to crumble my heart. Wondering, sometimes, if I wouldn’t be better off without a past, or at least with certain parts anesthetized. In this novella, we get the sense that the children have seen or been exposed to something so traumatizing that having their past erased is preferable to retaining its memory. That, perhaps, they are being protected by concerned guardians saving them from the pain of some shared experience. Or maybe they’re being lied to for some nefarious purpose.
The traumas we face as children tend to stay with us, shaping the kind of adults we become. If something so traumatizing had occurred as a child that it would devastate the rest of your life, would you want it erased? Which is better: imposed ignorance or devastating truth?
Such compelling questions are raised in this immersive, entertaining, and wildly inventive tale that I highly recommend.
The characters in this novella are all children. The silent antagonists are featureless adults enacting an impenetrable agenda, keeping the kids, both literally and figuratively, in the dark. I remember feeling this confusion as a child, before my identity had formed. The mystery of existence. Coming to adults with questions they couldn’t answer. Thinking I’d been inserted into a dangerous game where the stakes were high yet no one knew the rules. Or that vital information was being withheld for reasons I couldn’t comprehend.
And now, as an adult, looking back on my childhood with such blistering nostalgia it threatens to crumble my heart. Wondering, sometimes, if I wouldn’t be better off without a past, or at least with certain parts anesthetized. In this novella, we get the sense that the children have seen or been exposed to something so traumatizing that having their past erased is preferable to retaining its memory. That, perhaps, they are being protected by concerned guardians saving them from the pain of some shared experience. Or maybe they’re being lied to for some nefarious purpose.
The traumas we face as children tend to stay with us, shaping the kind of adults we become. If something so traumatizing had occurred as a child that it would devastate the rest of your life, would you want it erased? Which is better: imposed ignorance or devastating truth?
Such compelling questions are raised in this immersive, entertaining, and wildly inventive tale that I highly recommend.
March 11, 2020
Hard to describe without spoilers so let me just say that it's a unique novella that plays with memories - and especially losing them. The SF aficionado will feel various echoes from other books and movies, which makes the story quite haunting.
There was no way to bring it to a satisfying conclusion and that's its only weak point.
A big thank you to the , where the novella is mentioned as one of the two with 3 stars, the highest rating.
There was no way to bring it to a satisfying conclusion and that's its only weak point.
A big thank you to the , where the novella is mentioned as one of the two with 3 stars, the highest rating.
July 15, 2017
Lolo lives with other children in a vast labyrinth, overseen by the Caretakers, creatures with staring eyes, but no mouths or ears. The Caretakers experiment on the children, forcing them to remember events from their past, though each time they do, the memories seem different. From the start, Boskovich plunges the reader into the same disorienting world that the characters inhabit, where dreams, nightmares, and memories all blur together. Reality itself is in question, but the one thing Lolo is sure of is that she has a sister, and that her sister was taken from her. Some of Lolo’s memories are beautiful, like a Fourth of July cookout, and playing in the grass with her sister and their dog. Others are visions of loss, her sister ripped away from her on a playground, a strange city where Harvesters devour children and fill the streets with blood. The narrative is threaded with uncertainty. Which memories are real, the idyllic ones, or the terror? What do the Caretakers want? Boskovich uses language effectively to capture this uncertainty, and the shifting nature of reality. The children’s sense of time and even themselves is fragile, threatening to unravel at any moment. While Lolo struggles to hold onto her truth, and searches for her sister, a sense of despair hangs over the narrative as well. Boskovich draws parallels between her nightmare world and the dark side of being a child. Everyone is bigger than you. You have no power. Your reality is defined by the adults around you, and if they don’t have your best interests at heart, what then? How do you fight back? Can you? Or will the ones in control of your environment, your food and shelter, of telling you what to think and what’s best for you, prevail in the end? Along with this dystopian vision, Boskovich also explores the importance of stories, the ones we tell ourselves and each other, and how they help us navigate the world. Even when the situation is terrifying, the story is beautifully written. Never Now Always is frightening, effective, and disorienting, and overall well worth reading.
April 5, 2018
Never Now Always is a young adult novella that explores memory, time, and family. Lolo is one of the “rapt children,� young people who are studied by aliens known as the Caretakers. The Caretakers keep these children in their labs because they are interested in learning more about how humans process memories. During one of her memory sessions, Lolo recalls that she has a sister, and after that moment, she rebels against the Caretakers� normal system in a desperate search for her missing sister.
Never Now Always, told mostly from Lolo’s perspective, but occasionally from her sister’s perspective, is a dizzying tale fraught with confusion from the protagonists, but written clearly enough for the reader to tease out bits and pieces of what is going on. It is the sort of book that can be a very quick read, but also one that would likely stand up well to multiple readings, which may make some of the plot elements even more clear.
This book is billed as a young adult novella, but some of the themes within the book, like family and identity, might make it seem a bit more like a middle reader book. However, the ending of the book (which I don’t want to give away) convinced me that this book is much more appropriate for young adult and adult readers.
(This review excerpted from my review originally published at Mad Scientist Journal. The publisher provided us with a free copy of this publication in exchange for an honest review.)
Never Now Always, told mostly from Lolo’s perspective, but occasionally from her sister’s perspective, is a dizzying tale fraught with confusion from the protagonists, but written clearly enough for the reader to tease out bits and pieces of what is going on. It is the sort of book that can be a very quick read, but also one that would likely stand up well to multiple readings, which may make some of the plot elements even more clear.
This book is billed as a young adult novella, but some of the themes within the book, like family and identity, might make it seem a bit more like a middle reader book. However, the ending of the book (which I don’t want to give away) convinced me that this book is much more appropriate for young adult and adult readers.
(This review excerpted from my review originally published at Mad Scientist Journal. The publisher provided us with a free copy of this publication in exchange for an honest review.)
December 8, 2017
Book #2 of my ten-book December challenge
"What's your favorite thing that you remember?"
An extended prose poem about a future in which the very concept of our own individualized pasts melts away as a definitive notion. Throughout various nows and alwayses, we experience the heart-rending separation of two siblings, the new bond formed by the eldest and a fellow "prisoner" of the new world (dis)order, and their quest to retrieve the youngest sibling, possibly abducted. Harvesters, Caregivers, the Voice, and a myriad other elements subtly construct an unstable, constantly self-deconstructing environment. Clues are sparse and worldbuilding, including the psychological landscapes of Lolo and Tess, is impressionistic, fragmentary, fluid and liminal. Be warned: this novella plays only by the rules of its own storytelling grammar and vocabulary, and may prove challenging to those unwilling to surrender to such terms, including a heightened narrative unreliability. If you do venture in, though, there are rewards are aplenty.
"What's your favorite thing that you remember?"
An extended prose poem about a future in which the very concept of our own individualized pasts melts away as a definitive notion. Throughout various nows and alwayses, we experience the heart-rending separation of two siblings, the new bond formed by the eldest and a fellow "prisoner" of the new world (dis)order, and their quest to retrieve the youngest sibling, possibly abducted. Harvesters, Caregivers, the Voice, and a myriad other elements subtly construct an unstable, constantly self-deconstructing environment. Clues are sparse and worldbuilding, including the psychological landscapes of Lolo and Tess, is impressionistic, fragmentary, fluid and liminal. Be warned: this novella plays only by the rules of its own storytelling grammar and vocabulary, and may prove challenging to those unwilling to surrender to such terms, including a heightened narrative unreliability. If you do venture in, though, there are rewards are aplenty.
June 24, 2018
Lolo struggles to hold onto memories in a world where alien Caretakers routinely remove them.
This short novella (88 pages) does a wonderful job of capturing the slipperiness of memory and what makes us, us. Lolo and her sole friend, Gor, are never sure how much time has passed in their interactions. There is 'now', and there are unsure things like 'before' and 'soon' that are flexible. Other children are sure they remember pasts that are not compatible with Lolo's past, so who is remembering correctly? The uncertainty of what was occurring didn't bother me in this tale. Definitely worth reading.
This short novella (88 pages) does a wonderful job of capturing the slipperiness of memory and what makes us, us. Lolo and her sole friend, Gor, are never sure how much time has passed in their interactions. There is 'now', and there are unsure things like 'before' and 'soon' that are flexible. Other children are sure they remember pasts that are not compatible with Lolo's past, so who is remembering correctly? The uncertainty of what was occurring didn't bother me in this tale. Definitely worth reading.
January 29, 2021
Quite difficult to describe this novella - stylistically it reminds me of We by Yevgeny Zamyatin (although memory of that book is fading) - featuring three siblings, Lolo, Gor and Tess: three children among hundreds, possibly thousands, held captive by the Caretakers in an anonymous labyrinth of rooms and labs; a mundane life of experimentation.
Lolo discovers a way of escaping, taking her brother Gor to find their missing sister Tess.
It is very much a dream-like story, with odd images and prose, with an ending of perpetual rebellion.
I've not read Boskovich before but will definitely be looking out for more of her work.
Recommended, but only if you like your fiction weird.
Lolo discovers a way of escaping, taking her brother Gor to find their missing sister Tess.
It is very much a dream-like story, with odd images and prose, with an ending of perpetual rebellion.
I've not read Boskovich before but will definitely be looking out for more of her work.
Recommended, but only if you like your fiction weird.
September 26, 2017
Desirina Boskovich's novella Never Now Always immediately captured me by her prose style. It is an amazing, beautiful, and strange story that I'll concede might not be for everyone, but I found it to be very refreshing and eery, brutal yet comforting in a way. Desirina is a master at using language in a provocative way, plunging the reader directly into the story. A really excellent example of weird horror fiction.
July 24, 2017
A good start. Where is ending?
I feel like a whole lot of buildup took place for no payoff. The story just ends without explanation, without giving any backstory. Doesn't even really seem to have a message. I'm confused. Good writing for what is there.
I feel like a whole lot of buildup took place for no payoff. The story just ends without explanation, without giving any backstory. Doesn't even really seem to have a message. I'm confused. Good writing for what is there.
January 20, 2018
Crystalline prose about effective resistance to an oppressive, alien regime. You have time to read this science fiction novella, I promise, and you'll walk away with more ideas of how to resist and thrive.
February 7, 2018
Excellent prose, and great use of the characters� internally developed jargon. Recommended for readers who like creepy, scary, and smart.
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