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How It Feels to Float
Biz knows how to float. She has her people, her posse, her mom and the twins. She has Grace. And she has her dad, who tells her about the little kid she was, who loves her so hard, and who shouldn't be here but is. So Biz doesn't tell anyone anything. Not about her dark, runaway thoughts, not about kissing Grace or noticing Jasper, the new boy. And she doesn't tell anyone about her dad. Because her dad died when she was six. And Biz knows how to float, right there on the surface—normal okay regular fine.
But after what happens on the beach—first in the ocean, and then in the sand--the tethers that hold Biz steady come undone. Dad disappears, and with him, all comfort. It might be easier, better, sweeter to float all the way away? Or maybe stay a little longer, find her father, bring him back to her. Or maybe—maybe maybe maybe—there's a third way Biz just can't see yet.
But after what happens on the beach—first in the ocean, and then in the sand--the tethers that hold Biz steady come undone. Dad disappears, and with him, all comfort. It might be easier, better, sweeter to float all the way away? Or maybe stay a little longer, find her father, bring him back to her. Or maybe—maybe maybe maybe—there's a third way Biz just can't see yet.
384 pages, Hardcover
First published April 23, 2019
1,740 people are currently reading
81.1k people want to read
About the author
Helena Fox
4books352followersHelena Fox lives in Wollongong, Australia, where she runs creative writing workshops for young people. She’s a graduate of the MFA Program for Writers at Warren Wilson College in North Carolina.
She has travelled widely, living in Peru, Spain, the U.K, Samoa, and the US. Of all her adventures, Helena is proudest of the work she has done helping young people find and express their voice.
How It Feels To Float is her debut novel.
She has travelled widely, living in Peru, Spain, the U.K, Samoa, and the US. Of all her adventures, Helena is proudest of the work she has done helping young people find and express their voice.
How It Feels To Float is her debut novel.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,549 reviews
April 3, 2021
A heart is a mystery and not a mystery. It hides under ribs, pumping blood. You can pull it out, hold it in your hand. Squeeze. It wants what it wants. It can be made of gold, glass, stone. It can stop anytime.
This is the type of book that gives you a tangible feeling of pain, making you feel empty like there's no more space left for you to process the emotions you are currently feeling. Reading this book made me feel like I was being pinned to a wall to witness the events the main character was feeling, seeing her struggle and not getting the answers she needed, as if reading about them was not enough. I feel like I have found a new favorite, but it is the type that can't be read again, as the anguish and pain experienced is not something I want to experience again. But even then, reading this allowed me to think differently, and accept that everything will be okay, even if I don't believe it and even if no one else believes it.
Helena Fox has created a powerful portrayal of mental illness and how it affects daily life even when that individual is not aware of it. She has created a character who carries pain in her life and wonders what she did to deserve this, finding the clues and answers on her own, as her mental health is carried away by them. She numbs the pain by talking to the ocean and the waves, looking at photographs and understanding the messages they carry.
Why are you so sad and empty when you have a house with walls and a roof and people who love you?
Biz says she's okay. She has thoughts wandering in her head that she doesn't tell others about. She's noticed things others have not. She doesn't tell her friends about the time she kissed her best friend, Grace, or about the time the new boy, Jasper, made her feel guilty for talking to him because of his leg. She also doesn't tell them about her dad and how she's able to see him, talk to him like he never died in the first place. She thinks she wouldn't be able to be part of her group, The Posse, anymore, because she can be labeled as crazy, weird, or a freak.
But after an encounter at a party, Biz has some sort of connection with the sea, being able to talk to the waves and understand what they are saying, slowly making their way up her body as it begins to take her over. After this, Biz begins to encounter different thoughts, things and is a whole different Elizabeth. She continues to speak to her dad, who sits at the edge of her bed and reminds her of times when she was little. She loses her friends, and her best friend Grace and she are now known as sluts at their school, causing both to create chaos. She's somehow joined a photography course class and become friends with an 80-year-old lady, who just happens to be the grandmother of Biz' new friend, Jasper.
Trigger/content warnings for depression, suicide attempt, suicide thoughts, panic attacks, loss of a loved one, grief, and loss.
How It Feels to Float is about floating in the air as you constantly struggle to keep up with everything that is taking over you. It is about not seeing how we are taken over by mental illness and how it can ruin our lives but have us think everything is becoming better. Sometimes, it felt like I was looking at a reflection of my life in the fictional eyes of Biz that I will never see. Helena Fox stated in her acknowledgments that she herself struggles with mental health, and portraying it in her debut novel was so powerful and emotional. She does not look away from how raw it is and how negatively affecting it is. Fox made this novel seem so bright and lovely at first, but then, as we get to meet Biz more, we see how much she is struggling. One of the first takeaways I got from reading this was that you can't always see what people are struggling with, and shying away from asking or wondering is something that we all struggle with because we're never sure if it is a good idea to ask or not.
The biggest topic in this is mental health, but there is more than that as well. There is a struggle with love, lack of understanding, and so much misery. Our main character, Elizabeth, who goes by Biz for short, is able to see her dad (as if he was a ghost) who died when she was a young little girl. She has memories with him, but those memories have turned into reality, as she is the only one who can see her dad again. She sees him on the edge of her bed, the living room, walking with her, and other places she steps through. He can't help her, but he tries talking to her and reminding her of special and little moments they shared. Every time Biz is about to speak again, he vanishes, leaving Biz alone.
Biz struggles with depression and panic attacks, but she doesn't see that at first. This is something so common in society and it is hard to accept. There is so much to take from Biz as a character. Her struggles are seen so real and her humanity is painful and enduring. Not only is she struggling, but so are people around her, and the readers can see that. Her mother is struggling with understanding her mother, unsure what it is that she did so her daughter can be the way she is; her best friend, Grace, was no longer allowed to be in contact with Biz, even though Biz continuously emailed her, updating her on what she was doing; the new boy, Jasper, is not who Biz thought he was, and he later ends up becoming the friend Biz needed in order to get away from her reality. From the struggles of love to struggle of communication, Biz is the type of character to float in my heart as she reminds me that everything is okay but it is not okay; that everything that is a mystery is not a mystery; that the heart is different than what we think it is, sometimes making us feel invalid and useless.
“We've seen sharks and drownings and shipwrecks and plastic. Ratio of sharks to drowning to shipwrecks to plastic, 5 : 2 : : 1 : 1,000,000,� say the waves at my waist.
I shake my head sorrowfully.
“That's so sad,� I say.
“It is sad,� the waves say from under my boobs. “Why don't you do something about it, Biz?�
“Me?� A wave slaps at my chest.
“Yes, you, Biz, what the fuck are you doing just scrolling the Internet when the sea is suffocating?�
I felt so bad for Biz throughout the whole novel. There is so much realness in this book, it felt like I was actually reading about society and not about the society of this girl named Biz. She's judged from start to finish, she is lonely, and she's taken as a minority. Although Biz is fictional, she gave me so much sympathy and made me feel like she was real. It's like I can see her in front of me, trying to let me know a message she has been carrying but can't let go of because no one will believe her. She struggled with her own self-identity, not knowing who she really was and if she actually had feelings for her best friend, or for girls in general. She was lonely, never stopping by the crowds to talk to someone. Her friends were never really her friends, and the judgemental attitude of all of them got to her, as she learned from them and decided to think her new friend Jasper was who her friends said he was.
There was a time I walked into the sea and the sea almost took me, but a boy pulled me out and didn't speak to me afterwards, not once.
Even though the portrayal of mental health in this is powerful and needed, the portrayal of survival and hope is also there. Biz does not suffer and live on her own. She has people who care about her, but it took her some time to see it. Although her dad is just someone she can see, he wanted to help, and would constantly remind her of happy moments because it was as if he knew she was sad. Another person who helped her was her mother. Fox does not shy away from the flawed family subject, and her mother is a mother, after all, trying to help her and understand her, doing whatever she could. You can't blame her, after all, being a widowed mother of 3 children while still grieving is not an easy job to do. This book just had me open my eyes more and see that parents do their best for their children and although sometimes it seems like they haven't done anything, in reality, they've done everything, and it's not that they don't want to continue, but it's that they can no longer continue.
Biz also has Jasper in her life, allowing herself to escape and feel more of what the world has to offer that is good. She has Sylvia, who listens to Biz all the time and assures her that everything will get better. Even with all the positive people and positivity in the book, the voice of Biz was so real. It felt like she was talking to me, like the waves talked to her, telling me that she was not okay. I couldn't talk back, and it made me feel guilty as all I could do was watch and let it go, wait for the best, and see how the rest would unfold. It is notable that Fox understands her character as her own, as she does not play with her emotions and feelings in stereotypical ways but instead shuts those boundaries and shows the world that it is real.
Even in the most hopeless moments, the author decides to add brightness and rays of sunshine to the life of Biz, letting her experience happiness, joy, and relief as she wanders into the unknown places she has longed for. Like her, I believe you can't just grasp that happiness you once had after achieving something in one day, as things can quickly change and you just go back to the feeling of misery, of so much sadness that you start to believe you deserved this discomfort. But then, these are the type of novels that allow you to explore different feeling and emotions, as you can relate to the character on many situations, but they are also the type that can heal you and give you hope.
How It Feels to Float gives hope and a voice to the hopeless and the voiceless, the ones who feel closeted and unsafe.
The world is full of strange wonders, darling. Maybe you're just lucky enough to see them.
April 17, 2019
4.5 stars!
“Life is terrible and beautiful, isn’t it? It’s the best/worst at the exact same time, all possibilities at once.”
I absolutely adored this book and read it at the perfect time for me. This is a powerful YA contemporary that deals with mental illness, sexuality, grief, family, friendship and more.�
�
There is so much to love about this book:�
1. The mental illness rep. This is one of the most authentic portrayals of mental illness I have ever read (this is own voices for the mental illness rep)�
2. The writing style. Helena Fox has an amazing poetic writing style, and there were a lot of quotes that really resonated with me�
3. The characters. I absolutely adored the main character Biz and I related to her a lot�
4. The friendships�
5. The exploration of sexuality
6. The setting. This is an Australian novel which made my heart happy�
Thank you to Pan Macmillan for sending me an early copy of this book.
“Life is terrible and beautiful, isn’t it? It’s the best/worst at the exact same time, all possibilities at once.”
I absolutely adored this book and read it at the perfect time for me. This is a powerful YA contemporary that deals with mental illness, sexuality, grief, family, friendship and more.�
�
There is so much to love about this book:�
1. The mental illness rep. This is one of the most authentic portrayals of mental illness I have ever read (this is own voices for the mental illness rep)�
2. The writing style. Helena Fox has an amazing poetic writing style, and there were a lot of quotes that really resonated with me�
3. The characters. I absolutely adored the main character Biz and I related to her a lot�
4. The friendships�
5. The exploration of sexuality
6. The setting. This is an Australian novel which made my heart happy�
Thank you to Pan Macmillan for sending me an early copy of this book.
July 14, 2019
4.5 emotionally wrought stars for this book that completely broke my heart. 💔
How It Feels to Float
was beautifully written and I was completely taken in by Biz. Oh, how I wanted to pull her out of the pages and just hug her. 💖
I loved the relationships Biz built with Jasper and Sylvia. Not at all what you'd expect, but simply perfect.
Helena Fox who also lives with mental illness expertly shared Biz's thoughts, reactions and feelings - pulling us into it all right along with her. You feel as if you are struggling through the depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks and dissociative episodes right along with her. I found myself trying to make sense of it all just as Biz does.
This is not an easy or light hearted read. It's full of anguish, despair and emotion. You have to be ready for that. Yet, it was also filled with sparks of healing, love and hope. Though Biz struggled with many mental, emotional and physical issues she did find the support, acceptance and love she needed.
This is one of those books that remains with you long after you turn the last page.
I loved the relationships Biz built with Jasper and Sylvia. Not at all what you'd expect, but simply perfect.
Helena Fox who also lives with mental illness expertly shared Biz's thoughts, reactions and feelings - pulling us into it all right along with her. You feel as if you are struggling through the depression, anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks and dissociative episodes right along with her. I found myself trying to make sense of it all just as Biz does.
This is not an easy or light hearted read. It's full of anguish, despair and emotion. You have to be ready for that. Yet, it was also filled with sparks of healing, love and hope. Though Biz struggled with many mental, emotional and physical issues she did find the support, acceptance and love she needed.
This is one of those books that remains with you long after you turn the last page.
May 21, 2019
I really loved the first half of this, but the second half honestly felt like a completely different book. Blah.
TW: death of a parent, depression, sexual assault
TW: death of a parent, depression, sexual assault
April 11, 2021
3.5 ⭐️
“Life is terrible and beautiful isn’t it? It’s the best/worst at the exact same time, all possibilities at once. I guess it’s whatever it is when you observe it. And a second later, it’s something else.�
So many feelings!
I was looking forward to this one, especially as it was pegged ‘A modern day The Bell Jar� which is one of my favourite books.
However this didn’t quite hit the mark for me sadly.
Biz knows how to float - she has her family, her best friend Grace and the ghost of her dead dad who frequently visits her.
We watch as the events in her life unfold and cause her mental health to suffer more and more until she is at breaking point. The events in the beginning were hard to stomach and I really felt for Biz
I didn’t fully understand the whole But I guess that’s the point - we don’t always understand how others cope, how others mind’s are affected by things.
I found it really interesting to see how mental illness is genetic and how a person’s family history can have an impact on how they manage trauma. It’s kind of like an ongoing cycle, which is really sad.
Overall, there were parts I liked. I loved Sylvia’s character and that it was set in Australia - I’ve not read many books set there. I just didn’t always like Biz� behaviour - particularly toward her mum. I know she was suffering but it still didn’t sit entirely right with me.
“You can’t escape your history. It’s like a river that follows you, blood that moves without you thinking. The past turns corners to find you.�
****
My third online book order with my birthday money.
“Life is terrible and beautiful isn’t it? It’s the best/worst at the exact same time, all possibilities at once. I guess it’s whatever it is when you observe it. And a second later, it’s something else.�
So many feelings!
I was looking forward to this one, especially as it was pegged ‘A modern day The Bell Jar� which is one of my favourite books.
However this didn’t quite hit the mark for me sadly.
Biz knows how to float - she has her family, her best friend Grace and the ghost of her dead dad who frequently visits her.
We watch as the events in her life unfold and cause her mental health to suffer more and more until she is at breaking point. The events in the beginning were hard to stomach and I really felt for Biz
I didn’t fully understand the whole But I guess that’s the point - we don’t always understand how others cope, how others mind’s are affected by things.
I found it really interesting to see how mental illness is genetic and how a person’s family history can have an impact on how they manage trauma. It’s kind of like an ongoing cycle, which is really sad.
Overall, there were parts I liked. I loved Sylvia’s character and that it was set in Australia - I’ve not read many books set there. I just didn’t always like Biz� behaviour - particularly toward her mum. I know she was suffering but it still didn’t sit entirely right with me.
“You can’t escape your history. It’s like a river that follows you, blood that moves without you thinking. The past turns corners to find you.�
****
My third online book order with my birthday money.
July 2, 2020
This book was so, so beautiful. From the very first page I knew I would fall in love with Fox’s writing, world-building, and characters, and I was not at all disappointed.
Biz is a 16 year old high school student trying to navigate the complicated world of friends, discovering her sexuality, and dealing with the loss of her father almost 10 years ago. Despite seeing and hearing her dead father periodically, she is doing well, until one night on the beach sends her entire life into a spiral. After, she must struggle to put the pieces of herself, and her father’s past, back together again.
While I cannot completely relate to Biz’s struggles, I do understand what it is like to live every day fighting your thoughts. I found myself in so many places in this book: in wondering what it would be like to give in to the thoughts, in wanting to disappear into the sky instead of staying on the earth. The way that Biz describes her feelings of emptiness, guilt, and sadness struck so close to home. This is the most accurate portrayal of mental illness I think I have ever read.
With that accuracy comes heartbreak. Biz has suffered many tragedies in her life, and the way she describes all of them is so raw. I felt extremely connected to her and her experiences, even the ones that were very different from my own. I think that’s just a testament to how beautifully Fox writes, and how amazingly she constructed Biz’s character. I loved being able to follow her on her journey, and was especially fond of seeing the relationships she develops (Sylvia, I’m looking at you).
You won’t read this book and leave with a “everything is perfect and life is fixed� ending, and that is the beauty of it for me. In a world where every day is a struggle against your own mind, sometimes the most beautiful thing is just to survive. And it was really nice to see a character who feels that way, too.
This book was absolutely stunning, but I wouldn’t recommend reading it if you are in a bad spot and are sensitive to topics of suicide, loss, sexual assault, and mental illness.
I highlighted so many passages in this book, but I will leave you with my personal favorite:
“Life is terrible and beautiful, isn’t it? It’s the best/worst at the exact same time, all possibilities at once.
I guess it’s whatever it is when you observe it.
And a second later it’s something else.
Now it’s something else again.
Now it’s something else.�
Biz is a 16 year old high school student trying to navigate the complicated world of friends, discovering her sexuality, and dealing with the loss of her father almost 10 years ago. Despite seeing and hearing her dead father periodically, she is doing well, until one night on the beach sends her entire life into a spiral. After, she must struggle to put the pieces of herself, and her father’s past, back together again.
While I cannot completely relate to Biz’s struggles, I do understand what it is like to live every day fighting your thoughts. I found myself in so many places in this book: in wondering what it would be like to give in to the thoughts, in wanting to disappear into the sky instead of staying on the earth. The way that Biz describes her feelings of emptiness, guilt, and sadness struck so close to home. This is the most accurate portrayal of mental illness I think I have ever read.
With that accuracy comes heartbreak. Biz has suffered many tragedies in her life, and the way she describes all of them is so raw. I felt extremely connected to her and her experiences, even the ones that were very different from my own. I think that’s just a testament to how beautifully Fox writes, and how amazingly she constructed Biz’s character. I loved being able to follow her on her journey, and was especially fond of seeing the relationships she develops (Sylvia, I’m looking at you).
You won’t read this book and leave with a “everything is perfect and life is fixed� ending, and that is the beauty of it for me. In a world where every day is a struggle against your own mind, sometimes the most beautiful thing is just to survive. And it was really nice to see a character who feels that way, too.
This book was absolutely stunning, but I wouldn’t recommend reading it if you are in a bad spot and are sensitive to topics of suicide, loss, sexual assault, and mental illness.
I highlighted so many passages in this book, but I will leave you with my personal favorite:
“Life is terrible and beautiful, isn’t it? It’s the best/worst at the exact same time, all possibilities at once.
I guess it’s whatever it is when you observe it.
And a second later it’s something else.
Now it’s something else again.
Now it’s something else.�
February 6, 2020
Incredible! I read this book slowly, and savored this very touching and honest revelation of what it is like to live with several types of mental disorder. The writing was lyrical, poetic - and even downright magical at times. It was not always easy going: I had to put the book down and give my overworked emotions a rest more than once. But this was so worth the time, energy and emotion that I invested in this wonderful, life-changing read.
In her Acknowledgement at the end of the book, the author, Helena Fox, reveals:
"I have lived with mental illness my whole life. I carry with me complex PTSD, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, and clinical depression. I walk with these things, but they don't define me. I live with, and beyond them. I do my best to speak out and seek help when I need it. .... I am so very glad to still be here. Every day, I do my best to see the colors. I take note. I breathe them in."
This amazing woman wrote an equally amazing story about a young girl grappling with mental illness, her soul-destroying grief at the death of her father, and her growing confusion about her sexual identity. There is no subterfuge in this novel: Biz is usually brutally honest with herself. Life is confusing, and she isn't always sure about reality, but she is an extremely intelligent, brave girl. When Biz's behavior makes her a social outcast in high school, she drops out - both mentally and physically.
I won't go into any further details about the plot, but the friendships and decisions Biz makes after her high school life detonates and ends are what really open up the story and hold your attention in thrall. I just loved the friendship between Biz and Jasper: two non-conforming social outcasts, telling the world to eff itself! I highly, highly, highly recommend this book.
In her Acknowledgement at the end of the book, the author, Helena Fox, reveals:
"I have lived with mental illness my whole life. I carry with me complex PTSD, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, and clinical depression. I walk with these things, but they don't define me. I live with, and beyond them. I do my best to speak out and seek help when I need it. .... I am so very glad to still be here. Every day, I do my best to see the colors. I take note. I breathe them in."
This amazing woman wrote an equally amazing story about a young girl grappling with mental illness, her soul-destroying grief at the death of her father, and her growing confusion about her sexual identity. There is no subterfuge in this novel: Biz is usually brutally honest with herself. Life is confusing, and she isn't always sure about reality, but she is an extremely intelligent, brave girl. When Biz's behavior makes her a social outcast in high school, she drops out - both mentally and physically.
I won't go into any further details about the plot, but the friendships and decisions Biz makes after her high school life detonates and ends are what really open up the story and hold your attention in thrall. I just loved the friendship between Biz and Jasper: two non-conforming social outcasts, telling the world to eff itself! I highly, highly, highly recommend this book.
August 19, 2019
I'm not sure I can, or am qualified to write a review for this beautiful, sad and yet hopeful story of mental illness, and how it can take over a person's life without them realising it, and there are far more eloquent reviews out there already. All I know is that I loved Biz, wanted the very best for her, wished I could take her in my arms and hug her tight. I loved her relationships with both her family, and with Jasper.
This book made me laugh, and cry, and it will stay with me for a long time. I hope Biz is out there living her best life, and that if anyone needs help, they will reach out to someone for that help.
I would advise caution to reading this if you are in a dark place, as it might be triggering, but I am glad I read it, the characters will definitely stay in my thoughts. ❤️💔❤️
This book made me laugh, and cry, and it will stay with me for a long time. I hope Biz is out there living her best life, and that if anyone needs help, they will reach out to someone for that help.
I would advise caution to reading this if you are in a dark place, as it might be triggering, but I am glad I read it, the characters will definitely stay in my thoughts. ❤️💔❤️
March 30, 2019
Fox's poetic writing is impressive and effectively renders the wry first-person voice of Biz, a teenager struggling with mental illness, questioning her sexuality, and grappling with the death of a beloved family member. A touching story of grief and an unflinching portrayal of inter-generational mental illness. At times, How It Feels to Float is a slow burn with little momentum, but Fox's dazzling linguistic style keeps the pages turning.
-
*Note: Quote taken from an Advanced Reader's Copy.
We stare into the fire. It makes shapes for us to see.
Part of me detaches. Steps into the fire. Lifts with the flames. Looks down at the boy and the girl. They seem happy.
Are you happy, Biz?
Am I?
Am I - who am I and am I, even?
All of us can be altered in a blink. Fire reduces you to nothing. [. . .] Water erodes rocks. Cliffs crumble You are not real, Biz -
It's true. Perhaps I am actually the fire? Or the sea? Perhaps I am every leaping molecule.
The fire pops, showering sparks. [. . .] A wave crashes.
And I flip back in - a slow somersualt into my body.
My belly is warm. My mouth is full of sweet and salt. My skin is here, my body, my bones.
Take it for now; take it in, Biz. Hold it, this trembling, borrowed time.*
-
*Note: Quote taken from an Advanced Reader's Copy.
June 7, 2019
not for me
I really love the mental health / grief themes, but the biggest problem for me was the lack of even a remote sense of clarity throughout the book. it's understandable that the unreliability of Biz's perspective is a huge part of her character, but it was abrupt and choppy and confusing to a degree that I did not understand what was happening.
the reading has to be comprehensive above all else, and I found myself disconnected from all that was happening because of all of the cuts and time skips. it was never explicitly stated what Biz's mental illness(es) was/were, only that she went to therapy and had panic attacks, which also added to my confusion about her symptoms.
in general, it feels like much was left unresolved (is she schizophrenic ? is that why she hallucinated ?) and the clarity aspect of the book (or lack thereof) for me really disrupted my ability to understand the characters and what was happening as a whole
maybe I'll revisit sometime later and see if anything changes
I really love the mental health / grief themes, but the biggest problem for me was the lack of even a remote sense of clarity throughout the book. it's understandable that the unreliability of Biz's perspective is a huge part of her character, but it was abrupt and choppy and confusing to a degree that I did not understand what was happening.
the reading has to be comprehensive above all else, and I found myself disconnected from all that was happening because of all of the cuts and time skips. it was never explicitly stated what Biz's mental illness(es) was/were, only that she went to therapy and had panic attacks, which also added to my confusion about her symptoms.
in general, it feels like much was left unresolved (is she schizophrenic ? is that why she hallucinated ?) and the clarity aspect of the book (or lack thereof) for me really disrupted my ability to understand the characters and what was happening as a whole
maybe I'll revisit sometime later and see if anything changes
October 8, 2019
I've finally finished this book and it hit me hard, but it was amazing to find a book about dossociative disorder with just real and likeable characters. Full review to come, as always
Thought I'd read this since I'd like to get out of my own numbness. I've been eyeing this book for months. Finally got the guts to get it.
�
Thought I'd read this since I'd like to get out of my own numbness. I've been eyeing this book for months. Finally got the guts to get it.
�
May 27, 2019
Yes look okay this hurt my heart and that is all.
I am going away for four days and maybe when I get back I will have sense but right now my words are broken like in this book that had weird formatting
and long sentences
that had
no punctuation
but punctured my heart anyway.
***
Okay so I've had my four days of craziness to process this one and I'm ready to make a bit more sense!
The metal illness rep here is ridiculously powerful. This book could not have been written by someone who has not experienced something like what Biz is going through. It's heartbreaking, but the way it's told makes it a little hard to follow which is pretty accurate because mental illnesses are heavily misunderstood. Even the people experiencing them might not realise what's happening to them, why they feel or think or say or do things. So it's quite clever in the way its been presented, but if you're the kind of person who is picky about punctuation and sentences etc. having their proper format this may bug you slightly.
It is a little quirky but there's this overwhelming sadness to the whole book that kind of makes the quirky concerning more than cute. These are some deep themes, so you need to appreciate that.
I'm not entirely sure what the deal was with Grace at the start, that seemed a bit out of place in this story to me, but I did really like the relationship between her and Jasper, and how it played out. A story this depressing really needs supporting characters to lighten the load a bit and he was that light for me.
I don't know why there are so many depressing books coming out lately and I don't know why I keep reading them! But even though they kinda make me miserable while I'm reading them, they've all been pretty impressive. This one was no different.
I do recommend this but there's a bunch of triggers in here, too, so check the warnings if you've got your own stuff going on.
I am going away for four days and maybe when I get back I will have sense but right now my words are broken like in this book that had weird formatting
and long sentences
that had
no punctuation
but punctured my heart anyway.
***
Okay so I've had my four days of craziness to process this one and I'm ready to make a bit more sense!
The metal illness rep here is ridiculously powerful. This book could not have been written by someone who has not experienced something like what Biz is going through. It's heartbreaking, but the way it's told makes it a little hard to follow which is pretty accurate because mental illnesses are heavily misunderstood. Even the people experiencing them might not realise what's happening to them, why they feel or think or say or do things. So it's quite clever in the way its been presented, but if you're the kind of person who is picky about punctuation and sentences etc. having their proper format this may bug you slightly.
It is a little quirky but there's this overwhelming sadness to the whole book that kind of makes the quirky concerning more than cute. These are some deep themes, so you need to appreciate that.
I'm not entirely sure what the deal was with Grace at the start, that seemed a bit out of place in this story to me, but I did really like the relationship between her and Jasper, and how it played out. A story this depressing really needs supporting characters to lighten the load a bit and he was that light for me.
I don't know why there are so many depressing books coming out lately and I don't know why I keep reading them! But even though they kinda make me miserable while I'm reading them, they've all been pretty impressive. This one was no different.
I do recommend this but there's a bunch of triggers in here, too, so check the warnings if you've got your own stuff going on.
August 4, 2022
Elizabeth’s dad died when she was seven, and since then, she’s been dealing with depression. Sometimes she just sort of floats through life. Sometimes she sees her dead father as if he’s really there. This book examined relationships between peers in high school—both romantic and friendships, and also how social circles can quickly turn abusive and caustic. I loved all the characters, from Biz’s best friend Grace, to Biz’s mom, to Jasper the new boy in school. But I especially loved the way the book examined depression and grief. Like some other reviewers, I felt the first half of the book was stronger than the second, where the narrative arc and purpose of Elizabeth’s journey as a character seemed to get lost in places. Still, overall I enjoyed the characters.
April 22, 2020
“Here I am, in borrowed bones, in makeshift skin, looking out it eyes that are a construct, breathing with lungs that are only a step–a basic rearrangement–away from leaves. How funny, to have a body when I am not a body? How funny, to be inside when I am outside.�
I was listening to a song that made me think of this story, and how despite my love for it, I never wrote a proper review. So, here I am, writing a sort of review. Truth is, there's nothing that I can say which will give justice to this beautiful, beautiful story. It's one that resonated with me so much, particularly because of its gorgeous depiction of grief and mental illness. That may seem like an oxymoron; using words like "beautiful" to describe two very emotionally heavy subjects. But I read this story while going through a very tough time myself, and this book resonated with me so, so deeply. It's tough to nail down, especially because it's a very strange book. Oftentimes, it blurs the line between magical realism and contemporary - as in, you're not always sure what is and what isn't.
I don't think this a story for everyone, but I desperately wish more people had read this. It's something that I've found so deeply impactful and even quite possible life changing. In the months since I've read this, it's become one of my all time favorites, and I cannot recommend it enough. The characters, the story, the setting - everything - was so captivating from page one. Definitely one of the most underrated books I've ever read - please, if you can, read this book.
**Trigger warnings for an accurate depiction of grief and mental illness, both of which are major themes throughout the story. Please do not read this if you are not in the place to do so. Take care of yourself <3**
------------------------------------------------
dear book,
thank you for existing. I love you so, so very much.
(Full rtc)
I was listening to a song that made me think of this story, and how despite my love for it, I never wrote a proper review. So, here I am, writing a sort of review. Truth is, there's nothing that I can say which will give justice to this beautiful, beautiful story. It's one that resonated with me so much, particularly because of its gorgeous depiction of grief and mental illness. That may seem like an oxymoron; using words like "beautiful" to describe two very emotionally heavy subjects. But I read this story while going through a very tough time myself, and this book resonated with me so, so deeply. It's tough to nail down, especially because it's a very strange book. Oftentimes, it blurs the line between magical realism and contemporary - as in, you're not always sure what is and what isn't.
I don't think this a story for everyone, but I desperately wish more people had read this. It's something that I've found so deeply impactful and even quite possible life changing. In the months since I've read this, it's become one of my all time favorites, and I cannot recommend it enough. The characters, the story, the setting - everything - was so captivating from page one. Definitely one of the most underrated books I've ever read - please, if you can, read this book.
**Trigger warnings for an accurate depiction of grief and mental illness, both of which are major themes throughout the story. Please do not read this if you are not in the place to do so. Take care of yourself <3**
------------------------------------------------
dear book,
thank you for existing. I love you so, so very much.
(Full rtc)
December 31, 2020
Grief feels like this:
an okay day and a good day and an okay day
then a bad.
Bad that follows and empties you.
Bad like a sinkhole.
This novel follows Biz, a girl whose father died when she was young and she's still going through grief and disassociation during her late teenage years. Her father still appears to her in visions that she has and he still speaks to her often. The narration is incredibly influenced by how Biz is feeling and I thought that it captured her as an unreliable narrator so, so well. It's hard to explain exactly what this book is, but it's mainly an exploration of Biz trying to bring her father back and trying to deal with the impact his death has left behind on her entire life. This is the kind of book that pulls you in and makes you really feel for the characters.
I think that Biz's narration was amazing� her voice is sarcastic and hopeful, and she's genuinely trying. Biz is a certain kind of mess: she really, really wishes that she could be "better" but she will make bad decisions, and I think that this accurately portrays the kind of funnel mental illness can put you in. Also, this isn't only written in prose; it has sections of beautiful, poetic writing. I just?? do not know how to describe this.
I am dead in infinite alternate universes. I am mostly and most likely dead. I am dead, now, here. all doors opening, all doors closed.
the biggest tragedy of all time is that I forgot when I started reading this !!! I know I started it like two weeks ago but which day???
May 21, 2019
2.5 stars
This book has beautiful prose, a discussion of mental health and sexuality that save me from disliking it. However, I found the story slow and monotonous which made me almost give up on it, but, somehow, I endure until the last page. And still, I ended up disappointed.
I kept bumping into an imperceptible barrier, blocking every kind of attachment between the characters and me. I was slowly drifting away as the novel went on. I just could not get into it.
It's not a bad book, it just wasn't for me.
This book has beautiful prose, a discussion of mental health and sexuality that save me from disliking it. However, I found the story slow and monotonous which made me almost give up on it, but, somehow, I endure until the last page. And still, I ended up disappointed.
I kept bumping into an imperceptible barrier, blocking every kind of attachment between the characters and me. I was slowly drifting away as the novel went on. I just could not get into it.
It's not a bad book, it just wasn't for me.
June 28, 2020
And would you look at that, I really enjoyed myself again reading another contemporary by an Australian author. It’s interesting seeing that many of my favourite contemporaries that I have read, not that I’ve read many, is that they are by Australian authors, which I think is great. I do think that a part of it is that since I’ve lived in Australian my whole life, is that I am really able to connect with the characters more, even if I never have undergone the things the characters have to go through, and even hearing names like Sydney or Cootamundra is different to say hearing about New York or London. There also might be a bit of unconscious bias, to having me like this more as I live in the same country as the author and I think there may be a greater connection compared to an author overseas.
I’ve thus far found the formatting to be incredibly unique and interesting with a diverse use and play with the way as to the story is told and the loose use of grammar and how it can be unconventional at times. I haven’t really seen much of this outside books by Australian authors, or perhaps I haven’t paid much attention to it, but I really like this more unique way of storytelling and I have found it makes it a more immersive reading experience overall, and I love that it is able to do that.
I do believe that this book is #ownvoices, which I do really appreciate, as the author herself has dealt with various kinds of mental illness, which the main character, Biz suffers greatly from. Essentially, Biz’s father died when she was only seven, and since then, has not really recovered and since then, has sort of just being going on with life without being aware that not everything is ok and when certain things happen in this book that change her life for the worst, her conditions only worsen and it follows her and the journey she undertakes that slowly helps her improve. The novel is very heartbreaking at times and Biz is one of those characters you simply want to reach out and just give her a hug and to be there to support her. Biz is also constantly dealing with her sexuality and while it is never explicitly stated what sexuality she is, it is clear that she is definitely queer.
Early on in the book, where things seem largely normal, we have this part where it shows at how big of an arsehole some teenaged boys and men can be, and it really highlights at how wrong certain actions can be and how much of a traumatic experience it can leave on people, especially young women. To say the least, Biz is effectively raped when her mind wasn’t in the right state, and I don’t think that as a character, she actually realised it, and while this is off topic, I do believe that we need to listen and believe the people coming out with allegations until proven otherwise, even if it is years of decades after the event, as sometimes, people don’t fully register the event.
Anyways, moving on from that mini rant. Now, I personally don’t have any mental disorders, so I don’t know what it is like to undergo such an uncertain and delicate period in anyone’s life, but I would like to hope that for those who have suffered from mental illness that books likes this one are a place where you are able to connect with a novel that you can feel connected to, or speaks for you in the literary world. I personally am guilty of not reading enough books with mental illness representation for predominantly being a fantasy reader, which quite literally has the worst representation of any genre(though authors like N.K Jemisin and R.F Kuang give me hope), and going forward, I will continue to endeavour to read many more diverse books.
Ok, look, Sylvia was amazing. She was always so supportive and always tried her absolute best to take care of Biz despite everything and she was just such a warm, wonderful character. Jasper too, was great, and he deals with everything so well and often in such a mature manner that while may seem unrealistic for a what, 16, 17 year old, yet, he too underwent his own tragedies and too often, it is those who suffer the most who are forced to mature the quickest. He really contrasts well with some of the boys in the book who are the biggest jerks and are written to be very unlikeable characters.
There were times where I did wish for the plot to move along a little quicker, and while it was never slow, as things were always happening, there was this portion of the book where it did feel like it was meandering slightly, where similar things kept repeating themselves, and perhaps that could have been shortened slightly. Now, whilst I did mention at how mature Jasper was a character, it was perhaps slightly odd at how quickly he became caring and protective of Biz, and would have liked a bit more development in that area, though I suppose that as these people have both in broken in their own way, that it would make sense that they would latch onto each other quickly, I don’t know and I’m not experienced enough with life in general to say what would be going on in the character’s minds.
So overall, my thoughts are very positive and there honestly where just a few slight things that I had slight issues with. I would say that if you can pick up this book and are looking for both LGBTQIA+ and mental illness representation, then this is a great book. 8/10
I’ve thus far found the formatting to be incredibly unique and interesting with a diverse use and play with the way as to the story is told and the loose use of grammar and how it can be unconventional at times. I haven’t really seen much of this outside books by Australian authors, or perhaps I haven’t paid much attention to it, but I really like this more unique way of storytelling and I have found it makes it a more immersive reading experience overall, and I love that it is able to do that.
I do believe that this book is #ownvoices, which I do really appreciate, as the author herself has dealt with various kinds of mental illness, which the main character, Biz suffers greatly from. Essentially, Biz’s father died when she was only seven, and since then, has not really recovered and since then, has sort of just being going on with life without being aware that not everything is ok and when certain things happen in this book that change her life for the worst, her conditions only worsen and it follows her and the journey she undertakes that slowly helps her improve. The novel is very heartbreaking at times and Biz is one of those characters you simply want to reach out and just give her a hug and to be there to support her. Biz is also constantly dealing with her sexuality and while it is never explicitly stated what sexuality she is, it is clear that she is definitely queer.
Early on in the book, where things seem largely normal, we have this part where it shows at how big of an arsehole some teenaged boys and men can be, and it really highlights at how wrong certain actions can be and how much of a traumatic experience it can leave on people, especially young women. To say the least, Biz is effectively raped when her mind wasn’t in the right state, and I don’t think that as a character, she actually realised it, and while this is off topic, I do believe that we need to listen and believe the people coming out with allegations until proven otherwise, even if it is years of decades after the event, as sometimes, people don’t fully register the event.
Anyways, moving on from that mini rant. Now, I personally don’t have any mental disorders, so I don’t know what it is like to undergo such an uncertain and delicate period in anyone’s life, but I would like to hope that for those who have suffered from mental illness that books likes this one are a place where you are able to connect with a novel that you can feel connected to, or speaks for you in the literary world. I personally am guilty of not reading enough books with mental illness representation for predominantly being a fantasy reader, which quite literally has the worst representation of any genre(though authors like N.K Jemisin and R.F Kuang give me hope), and going forward, I will continue to endeavour to read many more diverse books.
Ok, look, Sylvia was amazing. She was always so supportive and always tried her absolute best to take care of Biz despite everything and she was just such a warm, wonderful character. Jasper too, was great, and he deals with everything so well and often in such a mature manner that while may seem unrealistic for a what, 16, 17 year old, yet, he too underwent his own tragedies and too often, it is those who suffer the most who are forced to mature the quickest. He really contrasts well with some of the boys in the book who are the biggest jerks and are written to be very unlikeable characters.
There were times where I did wish for the plot to move along a little quicker, and while it was never slow, as things were always happening, there was this portion of the book where it did feel like it was meandering slightly, where similar things kept repeating themselves, and perhaps that could have been shortened slightly. Now, whilst I did mention at how mature Jasper was a character, it was perhaps slightly odd at how quickly he became caring and protective of Biz, and would have liked a bit more development in that area, though I suppose that as these people have both in broken in their own way, that it would make sense that they would latch onto each other quickly, I don’t know and I’m not experienced enough with life in general to say what would be going on in the character’s minds.
So overall, my thoughts are very positive and there honestly where just a few slight things that I had slight issues with. I would say that if you can pick up this book and are looking for both LGBTQIA+ and mental illness representation, then this is a great book. 8/10
October 16, 2023
It leaves me feeling empty and kind of floating, I guess
March 10, 2023
So what did I just read?
No plot, no story, no nothing
This book has literally no message/no meaning, like I honestly don’t get what this book wants to say. Secondly, I really don’t understand the good ratings???? Such a waste of time
No plot, no story, no nothing
This book has literally no message/no meaning, like I honestly don’t get what this book wants to say. Secondly, I really don’t understand the good ratings???? Such a waste of time
April 24, 2019
Beautiful in its haunting glare, Helena Fox presents a story about ghosts and mental illness, and how they both chase those inflicted with their presence.
Pros:
1. Lovely writing . Fox does not write the average YA fiction here. She uses descriptive prose and free verse split into various formats to make its point of a young girl falling into madness over life, including losing her father . We see how her mind works via lucid and vivid language.
2. LGBTQA Representation . Is Biz (short for Elizabeth) gay? Bi? Pan? She's queer, and while she's unsure of how to label herself, she's given the space via her family and Fox to contemplate without fear.
3. Mental Illness Representation . As someone living with a mental illness, Fox writes a clear and properly-researched narrative of someone fallen, not into Hollywood's vision of mental illness, but a realistic portrayal. I felt seen in instances described in this tale.
4. An Unconventional Ghost Story . Biz often sees and hears her father when no one's around, but is she really seeing him, or is her mind creating space for her to handle her loss of him?
On the other hand, I see no real cons, other than it runs a little long. Some chapters could have been cut or edited for brevity.
Thus, this story's a winner, thanks to proper representation and beautifully haunting words I occasionally see in great YA literature.
4.5/5 stars
Pros:
1. Lovely writing . Fox does not write the average YA fiction here. She uses descriptive prose and free verse split into various formats to make its point of a young girl falling into madness over life, including losing her father . We see how her mind works via lucid and vivid language.
2. LGBTQA Representation . Is Biz (short for Elizabeth) gay? Bi? Pan? She's queer, and while she's unsure of how to label herself, she's given the space via her family and Fox to contemplate without fear.
3. Mental Illness Representation . As someone living with a mental illness, Fox writes a clear and properly-researched narrative of someone fallen, not into Hollywood's vision of mental illness, but a realistic portrayal. I felt seen in instances described in this tale.
4. An Unconventional Ghost Story . Biz often sees and hears her father when no one's around, but is she really seeing him, or is her mind creating space for her to handle her loss of him?
On the other hand, I see no real cons, other than it runs a little long. Some chapters could have been cut or edited for brevity.
Thus, this story's a winner, thanks to proper representation and beautifully haunting words I occasionally see in great YA literature.
4.5/5 stars
April 23, 2019
“I don’t mind not knowing the universe is filled with incomprehensible things. We exist inside a multitude of singularities. I accepted this a long time ago.�I don’t think it’s an understatement to say that How It Feels to Float is one of the most stunning debuts I’ve read recently. There’s such a calming rhythm to the writing that pulls you into Biz’s chaotic thoughts. It’s quite the perfect pairing. The writing is lyrical, poetic, and about as close as you can get to a novel told in verse, without being told in verse. There’s a stream of consciousness quality to Biz’s thought that comes across as completely organic and let’s you get to know her in an intimate way. But it can also be incredibly tough to read, because Biz is going through a lot and definitely has dark thoughts that encroach. But I loved her friendship with Grace, Jasper, and Silvia. So even thought this is a tough read, I think it is definitely worth it. How It Feels to Float is an exploration of grief and acceptance and the ghosts that chase you on your journey to healing.
October 23, 2020
What a beautiful book. The writing was amazing - lyrical, whimsical, inventive. The characters were real and flawed. Sometimes I will put bits of paper in between pages to mark passages I especially like, and by the time I was done with the book, it looked like a porcupine.
February 23, 2022
the fuck? the actual fuck? 1/5
April 29, 2019
Great Debut Novel about Mental Illness, Family, Young Love and Friendship
How It Feels To Float by Helena Fox was written in quite a unique style. Its flowing prose captured my attention from the beginning and drew me in in a subtle way at first and then became more addictive as I got deeper into the story. The author, Helena Fox, drew from her own experiences of mental illness, to make How It Feels to Float believable and yet unpredictable. It was hard to put down once I started reading it. My emotions were all over the place as the story progressed.
The story took place in Australia, where Biz (a nickname for Elizabeth) was a young, adolescent girl attending high school. She lived with her mom and her twin siblings. Biz's father had passed away when she was only seven years old. One of Biz's problems was that her dad continued to show himself to her in unexpected and unpredictable ways as he floated in and out of her consciousness. This was something that Biz kept to herself and did not share with her family or friends. Biz had one true, best friend. Her name was Grace. They shared all their in-most feelings, discoveries and curiosities with each other. Biz and Grace went through the typical high school drama and exploration that normal eleventh grade girls go through. Biz began to question her sexual preferences and struggled with her identify of what she wanted and who she was. Her father's death impacted her far more than anyone realized including herself. Biz also forged friendships with Jasper, the new boy at school and with Silvia, a sweet, understanding, older woman whom she met in a photography class. Both became so important in Biz's recovery.
How It Feels To Float by Helena Fox was inspiring yet a hard book to read at times. It closely explored inter-generational mental illness and how the signs are so often missed. It was so hard for me to stop reading once I began. Biz's thoughts were intimate and troubled. Her mom's struggles to help Biz were genuine and heart-wrenching. How It Feels to Float was a young girl's efforts to accept her father's death, move past grief and begin to heal and get better. This was categorized as a YA book, but I think anyone would benefit from reading it and enjoy it. It is very thought provoking. I recommend How It Feels to Float very highly and will look for more books by Helena Fox in the future. It was hard to accept that this was Helena Fox's first novel that she had ever written.
Thank you Bookish First for providing me with this ARC of How It Feels to Float by Helena Fox in exchange for an honest review.
How It Feels To Float by Helena Fox was written in quite a unique style. Its flowing prose captured my attention from the beginning and drew me in in a subtle way at first and then became more addictive as I got deeper into the story. The author, Helena Fox, drew from her own experiences of mental illness, to make How It Feels to Float believable and yet unpredictable. It was hard to put down once I started reading it. My emotions were all over the place as the story progressed.
The story took place in Australia, where Biz (a nickname for Elizabeth) was a young, adolescent girl attending high school. She lived with her mom and her twin siblings. Biz's father had passed away when she was only seven years old. One of Biz's problems was that her dad continued to show himself to her in unexpected and unpredictable ways as he floated in and out of her consciousness. This was something that Biz kept to herself and did not share with her family or friends. Biz had one true, best friend. Her name was Grace. They shared all their in-most feelings, discoveries and curiosities with each other. Biz and Grace went through the typical high school drama and exploration that normal eleventh grade girls go through. Biz began to question her sexual preferences and struggled with her identify of what she wanted and who she was. Her father's death impacted her far more than anyone realized including herself. Biz also forged friendships with Jasper, the new boy at school and with Silvia, a sweet, understanding, older woman whom she met in a photography class. Both became so important in Biz's recovery.
How It Feels To Float by Helena Fox was inspiring yet a hard book to read at times. It closely explored inter-generational mental illness and how the signs are so often missed. It was so hard for me to stop reading once I began. Biz's thoughts were intimate and troubled. Her mom's struggles to help Biz were genuine and heart-wrenching. How It Feels to Float was a young girl's efforts to accept her father's death, move past grief and begin to heal and get better. This was categorized as a YA book, but I think anyone would benefit from reading it and enjoy it. It is very thought provoking. I recommend How It Feels to Float very highly and will look for more books by Helena Fox in the future. It was hard to accept that this was Helena Fox's first novel that she had ever written.
Thank you Bookish First for providing me with this ARC of How It Feels to Float by Helena Fox in exchange for an honest review.
May 22, 2019
oh.
”Life does kind of suck,� I say. And it’s true. Life is impossible, chaotic. It’s a maze of sorrow and sunlight; it can’t be mapped.
We stand on the path, five or so steps away from the sea. I could run and jump and in a second, I’d be in all that water. And the sea would say, “What took you so long, Biz?�
Stare into a fire for more than a minute and it’s clear we humans are ridiculous for thinking we’re solid. We are built from nothing, collapsible in an instant. We’re elements arranged, empty atoms ricocheting, atoms coming and going. We think we’re these tangible things, but really we’re just ghosts walking, dust waiting. Our insides are made of flickered, fickle light.
Why are you so sad and empty when you have a house with walls and a roof and people who love you?
Elizabeth?
Why are you so ungrateful?
Elizabeth?
Why is it so hard for you to be happy?
“You’re better,� and “I’m so proud.�
Am I better? Can you be better when you’re still sad—long patches of sad swooping in at night when there aren’t any sounds to cover it? Are you better when you still feel blank, fog rising in you, empty spaces like those moors people walk on in British films? Are you better when, as you’re going through the motions—talking, laughing, listening, walking the dog, helping Mum with dinner—at the same time there’s this lost feeling walking beside you, so you can touch it, like a tongue on a tooth?
Here’s the shape of it. Here’s the gap. Here’s the space where something good was. Here’s the want.
”Life does kind of suck,� I say. And it’s true. Life is impossible, chaotic. It’s a maze of sorrow and sunlight; it can’t be mapped.
We stand on the path, five or so steps away from the sea. I could run and jump and in a second, I’d be in all that water. And the sea would say, “What took you so long, Biz?�
Stare into a fire for more than a minute and it’s clear we humans are ridiculous for thinking we’re solid. We are built from nothing, collapsible in an instant. We’re elements arranged, empty atoms ricocheting, atoms coming and going. We think we’re these tangible things, but really we’re just ghosts walking, dust waiting. Our insides are made of flickered, fickle light.
Why are you so sad and empty when you have a house with walls and a roof and people who love you?
Elizabeth?
Why are you so ungrateful?
Elizabeth?
Why is it so hard for you to be happy?
“You’re better,� and “I’m so proud.�
Am I better? Can you be better when you’re still sad—long patches of sad swooping in at night when there aren’t any sounds to cover it? Are you better when you still feel blank, fog rising in you, empty spaces like those moors people walk on in British films? Are you better when, as you’re going through the motions—talking, laughing, listening, walking the dog, helping Mum with dinner—at the same time there’s this lost feeling walking beside you, so you can touch it, like a tongue on a tooth?
Here’s the shape of it. Here’s the gap. Here’s the space where something good was. Here’s the want.
Shelved as 'dnf'
July 25, 2019DNF at 38%
January 29, 2023
An Australian high school girl who drinks and swears like a platoon of marines, and might be gay but isn't, babbles for 370 pages. In. One. Word. Sentences.
So. Edgy!!
So. Edgy!!
April 5, 2019
Wow! What a book!
I feel like I've been from the moon and back after reading this. So powerful. So emotionally intense. I need a nap. lol
Big thanks to the publisher and Bookish First for providing me with an advanced review copy.
TW: depression, PTSD, suicidal thoughts and disassociation.
However, this book dealt with the mental health aspect so beautifully and with such grace, I do think it was dealt with with the utmost care and grace. The author explored these mental health issues in such a moving and creative way. I think this book could really help people who may be going through similar problems in their own life.
To start with, the book is written in a wonderfully unique style. I can see that this wouldn't exactly be everyone's cup of tea, but it is definitely my jam. I love flowery, poetic writing. However, this book wasn't just any one way. It was at times raw and real and down-to-earth, but always there was a current of lusciousness running through it at all times. The writing is rich and it makes you want to chew on the author's words, savor them on your tongue for a bit.
The first few chapters started out in a kind of strange tone, this may put some readers off before they even begin, so I urge you to push past that. The chapters are very short and addictive and the story picks up after only a few semi-weird pages. I promise, it gets real good. Keep going.
I found this book to be addictive and hard to put down. I had to physically tear myself away from the book at one point, because I needed to stop but didn't want to. I think that has a little to do with the tiny chapters encouraging you to read just one more over and over and over again. lol
I would not start this book late at night if I were you, because you'll probably want to finish it all in one sitting and then goodbye sleep.
I felt that the story derailed just a bit towards the end as the main character's mental health was spiraling out of control, hence the 4 star rating, and not the 5 that I was anticipating. But I can definitely see and respect why the author chose to write it that way. It really gave you a sense of how the main character felt at that time. It just kind of stressed me out, personally, which, again, was probably the intended purpose anyway.
A FANTASTIC DEBUT!
I do recommend.
I feel like I've been from the moon and back after reading this. So powerful. So emotionally intense. I need a nap. lol
Big thanks to the publisher and Bookish First for providing me with an advanced review copy.
TW: depression, PTSD, suicidal thoughts and disassociation.
However, this book dealt with the mental health aspect so beautifully and with such grace, I do think it was dealt with with the utmost care and grace. The author explored these mental health issues in such a moving and creative way. I think this book could really help people who may be going through similar problems in their own life.
To start with, the book is written in a wonderfully unique style. I can see that this wouldn't exactly be everyone's cup of tea, but it is definitely my jam. I love flowery, poetic writing. However, this book wasn't just any one way. It was at times raw and real and down-to-earth, but always there was a current of lusciousness running through it at all times. The writing is rich and it makes you want to chew on the author's words, savor them on your tongue for a bit.
The first few chapters started out in a kind of strange tone, this may put some readers off before they even begin, so I urge you to push past that. The chapters are very short and addictive and the story picks up after only a few semi-weird pages. I promise, it gets real good. Keep going.
I found this book to be addictive and hard to put down. I had to physically tear myself away from the book at one point, because I needed to stop but didn't want to. I think that has a little to do with the tiny chapters encouraging you to read just one more over and over and over again. lol
I would not start this book late at night if I were you, because you'll probably want to finish it all in one sitting and then goodbye sleep.
I felt that the story derailed just a bit towards the end as the main character's mental health was spiraling out of control, hence the 4 star rating, and not the 5 that I was anticipating. But I can definitely see and respect why the author chose to write it that way. It really gave you a sense of how the main character felt at that time. It just kind of stressed me out, personally, which, again, was probably the intended purpose anyway.
A FANTASTIC DEBUT!
I do recommend.
June 19, 2023
Nothing happens in this book. Absolutely nothing. But i liked it and idk why
May 30, 2019
Elizabeth Martin Grey lost her father as a young girl, her single mother moving to the former industrial town of Wollongong, nestled among the coastal escarpment south west of Sydney. Since her father passed away, her mother has been blessed with two more children with the twins father now estranged. Elizabeth or simply Biz to her family and friends, is surrounded by a group of close knit friends and none more so than Grace. But things with Grace have been a little awkward of late, after Biz kissed Grace and although Biz isn't sure if she likes girls exclusively, Grace isn't interested in a romantic relationship and only wants to remain friends.
I thought it was wonderful how Grace and Biz were able to openly discuss the kiss. Grace acknowledged that the moment the two friends had shared was nice but gently explained that she wasn't interested in a relationship with another female. She was open with her own feelings and encouraged Biz to talk about her own sexuality although it's unclear whether Biz is bisexual, pansexual or questioning. When Grace begins a sexual relationship with a new boyfriend, Biz begins to feel a deep sense of loneliness, drunkenly suggesting to a male friend that they have sex but changes her mind.
Her close knit friendship circle turn their back on her, spreading rumours of her promiscuity. Including friend Grace. I was incredibly disappointed in Grace, rather than stand up for Biz against those aggressively spreading rumours, she allowed her new boyfriend to dictate the terms of her friendship with Biz, Grace forbidden to reach out to Biz as were their circle of friends. Biz begins displaying signs of depression, isolating herself, refusing to attend school and physically unable to get out of bed. Grace tries to make amends but isn't long before she's sent off to live with her father ceasing contact with Biz entirely, reestablishing feelings of abandonment first felt after her father's death.
Grace leaving, the rumours at school and feelings of depression have been simmering under the surface for quite some time. Biz mentions how after the death of her father, her mother often suggested counselling but it was soon forgotten and Biz never sought help. She describes her mental health as a darkness that allows her to detach from her surroundings and float. Another coping mechanism is her father appearing to share stories about moments throughout her life while he was alive. It helps anchor Biz to her sense of self and her physical being, also helping her feel loved. At first it's unclear what happened to her father, Biz is unable to speak about the events leading to his death but as the narrative intensifies, we learn that Biz's father was also unwell and it explores intergenerational mental health and the impact it has on families.
I loved Biz's friendship with new boy Jasper, who saved her from the ocean on the night of the drunken incident on the beach. Jasper is a wonderful support for Biz, he allows her to be and never pressures her to label her illness. He becomes an anchor of sorts in her presence and often physically and emotionally supports her during her moments of dissociation and helping define reality. Sylvia is magnificent and I instantly loved her. She's a sweet elderly lady who Biz meets partaking in a local community photography class and the two become wonderful friends. I loved seeing the grandmotherly role Sylvia took in Biz's life, such a beautiful relationship that enriched both their lives.
The most striking aspect of How It Feels to Float is the mental illness portrayal. It's unflinching, courageous, it's a journey and experience that will captivate readers. I felt tangled within the moments of panic, the moments of feeling helpless and how those around her were convinced seeking help was a path to wellness, Biz continued to dissociate. It explores the role of seeking professional help and medication and although it can often help, there isn't a lifelong solution for mental health. Treatment is ongoing, it's a series of trial and error and building relationships with trusted professionals. Biz seeks psychiatric and psychological help, put on medication and asked how she's feeling and then turned back out into the world. Eventually she finds a psychiatrist who she feels comfortable with and that makes a huge difference in Biz being able to open up about her feelings,although she's still not able to speak about her father, the trigger point of her illness.
I can't even begin to describe my love for this book. Although I've never personally experienced mental illness, I've been touched by mental illness and I've seen the effects intergenerational mental illness has on families. Helena Fox has created such a prolific and confrontational narrative, a beautiful prose and unflinching account of mental illness and the lifelong journey of mental health. It's wistfully whimsical with an achingly beautiful hopefulness that reduced me to tears on more than one occasion. It's simply phenomenal and a book that has captivated me until the final page. Absolutely remarkable.
I thought it was wonderful how Grace and Biz were able to openly discuss the kiss. Grace acknowledged that the moment the two friends had shared was nice but gently explained that she wasn't interested in a relationship with another female. She was open with her own feelings and encouraged Biz to talk about her own sexuality although it's unclear whether Biz is bisexual, pansexual or questioning. When Grace begins a sexual relationship with a new boyfriend, Biz begins to feel a deep sense of loneliness, drunkenly suggesting to a male friend that they have sex but changes her mind.
Her close knit friendship circle turn their back on her, spreading rumours of her promiscuity. Including friend Grace. I was incredibly disappointed in Grace, rather than stand up for Biz against those aggressively spreading rumours, she allowed her new boyfriend to dictate the terms of her friendship with Biz, Grace forbidden to reach out to Biz as were their circle of friends. Biz begins displaying signs of depression, isolating herself, refusing to attend school and physically unable to get out of bed. Grace tries to make amends but isn't long before she's sent off to live with her father ceasing contact with Biz entirely, reestablishing feelings of abandonment first felt after her father's death.
Grace leaving, the rumours at school and feelings of depression have been simmering under the surface for quite some time. Biz mentions how after the death of her father, her mother often suggested counselling but it was soon forgotten and Biz never sought help. She describes her mental health as a darkness that allows her to detach from her surroundings and float. Another coping mechanism is her father appearing to share stories about moments throughout her life while he was alive. It helps anchor Biz to her sense of self and her physical being, also helping her feel loved. At first it's unclear what happened to her father, Biz is unable to speak about the events leading to his death but as the narrative intensifies, we learn that Biz's father was also unwell and it explores intergenerational mental health and the impact it has on families.
I loved Biz's friendship with new boy Jasper, who saved her from the ocean on the night of the drunken incident on the beach. Jasper is a wonderful support for Biz, he allows her to be and never pressures her to label her illness. He becomes an anchor of sorts in her presence and often physically and emotionally supports her during her moments of dissociation and helping define reality. Sylvia is magnificent and I instantly loved her. She's a sweet elderly lady who Biz meets partaking in a local community photography class and the two become wonderful friends. I loved seeing the grandmotherly role Sylvia took in Biz's life, such a beautiful relationship that enriched both their lives.
The most striking aspect of How It Feels to Float is the mental illness portrayal. It's unflinching, courageous, it's a journey and experience that will captivate readers. I felt tangled within the moments of panic, the moments of feeling helpless and how those around her were convinced seeking help was a path to wellness, Biz continued to dissociate. It explores the role of seeking professional help and medication and although it can often help, there isn't a lifelong solution for mental health. Treatment is ongoing, it's a series of trial and error and building relationships with trusted professionals. Biz seeks psychiatric and psychological help, put on medication and asked how she's feeling and then turned back out into the world. Eventually she finds a psychiatrist who she feels comfortable with and that makes a huge difference in Biz being able to open up about her feelings,although she's still not able to speak about her father, the trigger point of her illness.
I can't even begin to describe my love for this book. Although I've never personally experienced mental illness, I've been touched by mental illness and I've seen the effects intergenerational mental illness has on families. Helena Fox has created such a prolific and confrontational narrative, a beautiful prose and unflinching account of mental illness and the lifelong journey of mental health. It's wistfully whimsical with an achingly beautiful hopefulness that reduced me to tears on more than one occasion. It's simply phenomenal and a book that has captivated me until the final page. Absolutely remarkable.
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