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434 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published September 5, 2006
“I was dead until you found me, though I breathed. I was sightless, though I could see. And then you came� and I was awakened.�
"He couldn’t stand to have anyone put their hands to him…though he wished he’d let Bella find a piece of his flesh just once. With her, he might have been able to handle it."
"He was terrifying, a horror of her species. Ruined, not broken, in the words of his twin. But that was what would have made him such a good savior. He alone was a match for the lesser who’d taken her. Zsadist’s kind of brutality was probably the only thing that could have gotten her out, though she knew better than to think that he’d ever try to find her."
Oh� God. What was a male supposed to do in this situation?
"I'm sorry," he muttered. "If I� uh, hurt your feelings or something."
She glared at him. "I'm not hurt. I'm pissed off and sexually frustrated."
“When I said I won’t apologize for it, I meant I never regret killing those bastards. But I didn’t…I don’t like you having those images in your head. I’d take them from you if I could. I’d take all of this from you…bear it all for you. I’m so…fucking sorry this happened to you, Bella. Yeah, I’m just sorry about the whole thing, including…me.�
"He was the cold that made her condense into herself again. And the heat that stopped her from shivering.
He was the killer who made her safe."
"He thought about all the holes in him, the blank places, the voids where others felt things. When it came down to it, he was really just a screen, more empty than solid, his emotions blowing through him, only the anger catching and holding."
"He knew he was being overbearing as hell, but he couldn't help it. There were few things on the planet more aggressive or dangerous. And those bastards were called hurricanes and tornadoes."
"Phury... what happened to me?"
As the male came up behind him, his brother's face appeared right beside Z's. And then Wrath's dark reflection showed up in the mirror, all long hair and sunglasses. Then Rhage's star-fallen beauty. And Vishous's Sox cap. And Tohrment's brush cut. And Butch's busted nose.
One by one they reached out and touched him, their big hands gently on his shoulders.
"Welcome back, my brother," Phury whispered.
Zsadist stared at the males who were behind him. And the oddest thought that if he were to let himself go limp and fall backward... they would catch him.
"That female who’d walked in on him and the Reverend clearly had a big mouth and…Christ. Butch must have already told Vishous. The two were like an old mated couple, no secrets between them. And V would squeal to Rhage. And once Rhage knew, you might as well have popped the news flash on the Reuters wire."
“The snow falls slowly tonight,� V said, rubbing his thumb back and forth over a thick jugular vein.
Phury blinked as an odd calm came over him, his heart slowing to the rhythm of his brother’s thumb. “W?�
“The snow…it falls so slowly.�
“Yes…yes, it does.�
“And we’ve had a lot of snow this year, haven’t we?�
“U…y.�
“Yeah…lot of snow, and there’s going to be more. Tonight. Tomorrow. Next month. Next year. The stuff comes when it comes and falls where it will.�
“That’s right,� Phury said softly. “There’s no stopping it.�
“Not unless you’re the ground.� The thumb stopped. “My brother, you don’t look like the earth to me. You’re not stopping him. Ever.�
“Oh, man,� he said with more gravel than voice. Then he glanced at Vishous, who was passed out next to him. “Oh…man, this is too weird.�
“Get over yourself, cop. You’re not that attractive.�
“Butch? Maybe you could…call on me.�
“Why would I do that?�
She flushed and seemed to wilt. “I had hoped…�
“Hoped what?�
“That perhaps…�
“W?�
“You might call on me. If you had some time. Perhaps you could come…calling.�
“I’ve only ever had you to live for. If you die I have nothing. I’m utterly lost. And you are needed here.�
Zsadist tried to reach out, but couldn’t lift his arms as Phury stood up.
“God, Z, I keep thinking this tragedy of ours is going to be over. But it just keeps going, doesn’t it?�
“I was dead until you found me, though I breathed. I was sightless, though I could see. And then you came...and I was awakened.�
“He knew he was being overbearing as hell, but he couldn't help it. He was a bonded male. With his pregnant female. There were few things on the planet more aggressive or dangerous. And those bastards were called hurricanes and tornadoes.�
“She is more beautiful than I have words for. And last night, I was blessed beyond measure to serve her.�
"I've only ever had you to live for. If you die I have nothing. I'm utterly lost. And you are needed here."And I sobbed harder this time reading it than I did almost exactly 3 years ago when I read it the first time.
Zsadist tried to reach out, but couldn't lift his arms as Phury stood up.
"God, Z, I keep thinking this tragedy of ours is going to be over. But it just keeps going, doesn't it?"
“I'm not broken, I'm ruined. Do you understand the difference? With broken maybe you can fix things. Ruined? All you can do is wait to bury me.�
“I love you."
Z squeezed his eyes shut. "Don't be a tragedy, Bella.�
“I’m filthy. I am so very dirty. I am dirty, dirty... Can’t you see the dirt? I see it everywhere. It coats me. It seals me in. I can feel it on my skin-�
“I don’t want this for you. All this... ugliness.�
“You are the one. For her, you are the one.�
“What is your name?" she murmured.
He cocked an eyebrow at her and then went back to staring at his brother. "I'm the evil one, in case you haven't figured it out."
"I wanted your name, not your calling."
"Being a bastard's more of a compulsion, really. And it's Zsadist. I am Zsadist.�
(From Lover Eternal)
"I am sick. I am disgusting. I can't be trusted."
"So you've got to understand why I die for you every day. Your pain is mine."
"The two of you are spending way too much time together, you feel me?"
“I was dead until you found me, though I breathed. I was sightless, though I could see. And then you came...and I was awakened.�
“Z: "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."
Phury: "That was you?"
Z:"You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?�
“She is more beautiful than I have words for. And last night, I was blessed beyond measure to serve her.�
He wept then, wept from the generosity of her, from the kindness, from the feel of her gentle hand as it rubbed over his shoulder � the only touch he had welcomed in � forever.
“You are in a prison with no bars. I worry about you.�
“Sometimes your whole life could hinge on a fraction of an inch. Or the beat of a nanosecond. Or the knock on a door.�
“I� What are you saying, Zsadist?" she stammered, even though she'd heard every word.
He glanced back down at the pencil in his hand and then turned to the table. Flipping the spiral notebook to a new page, he bent way over and labored on top of the paper for quite a while. Then he ripped the sheet free.
His hand was shaking as he held it out. "It's messy."
Bella took the paper. In a child's uneven block letters there were three words: I LOVE YOU
Her lips flattened tight as her eyes stung. The handwriting got wavy and then disappeared.
"Maybe you can't read it," he said in a small voice. "I can do it over."
She shook her head. "I can read it just fine. It's� beautiful."
"I don't expect anything back. I mean� I know that you don't� feel that for me anymore. But I wanted you to know. It's important that you knew.�
“I was dead until you found me, though I breathed. I was sightless, though I could see. And then you came...and I was awakened.�
“I'm not broken, I'm ruined. Do you understand the difference? With broken maybe you can fix things. Ruined? All you can do is wait to bury me.�
"As she carefully dried off his ragged flesh, she said, "You are clean."
"Oh, no, I'm not. I'm really not." His voice started to rise, a terrible momentum growing "I'm filthy. I am so very dirty. I am dirty, dirty..." Now he babbled, the words running together, the volume lifting until hysteria pinged off the tiles and filled the bathroom. "Can you see the dirt? I see it everywhere. It coats me."
“I won’t leave you,� he said. “No matter how long, no matter how many times. I’ll serve you and let you take my vein until it’s over. I will not abandon you.�