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725 pages, ebook
First published February 14, 2023
ð“¼ð“¹ð“¸ð“²ð“µð“®ð“» ð“¯ð“»ð“®ð“® ð“»ð“®ð“¿ð“²ð“®ð”€
â¤�â€you might be the addict in this relationship, but you’re also the habit that i need to kick,â€� she choked out, chest heaving as she turned in my arms to face me. â€because i feel like i’m dying when i’m with you, and i feel like i’m dead when i’m not.â€�
"My Joseph. My brave, brave boy. Terrible burdens. A cursed cross to carry. But always rising from the ashes. Always getting back up. Always the� protector.�
Darren was her firstborn and favorite, Ollie was her sweet and affectionate baby, Tadhg was her mischievous rogue, and Shannon was her only daughter.
That left me.
The spare.
“That’s it,� I snarled, choosing violence, as I lunged for my brother. “Make your peace with Jesus, dick brain, because I’m about to become the only child I should have been before your shitty egg gatecrashed Mam’s womb!�
She had the face of an angel, and the tongue of a devil.
“Yes, fine! Whatever. Christ,� I grumbled, rolling my eyes. “You’re my favorite friend, with my favorite legs.�
“Well, now see, that wasn’t so hard, was it?� she laughed, reaching up to pat my cheek. “And just so you know, Joe?� She leaned in close and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “You’re my favorite friend, with my favorite everything.�
“Can I just stop you right there,� I interjected, holding a hand up.
“Yeah,� she said, turning to look at me with an expectant look. “Why?�
“No reason,� I replied. “I just wanted you to stop talking.�
“You know, Joey, you can be such an asshole sometimes.�
“But don’t ever think that I don’t have feelings,� he said, and then pressed a kiss to my mouth. “Because the only time that I allow myself to feel anything is when I’m with you.�
“The first day of first year,� he explained quietly. “The first time I laid eyes on you, and the first time I understood what it meant to have my heart beating for someone outside of my family.� My heart squeezed so tight in my chest it was hard to breathe. “Joe.�
"When I say I don’t love you," he continued, nuzzling his face in my neck. “It’s the furthest thing from the truth.�
“I w-want to d-die,� she continued to cry, choking hard on her tears. “I w-want to n-not be h-here anymore.�
“You can’t go dying on me,� I tried to coax, as terror filled my veins. “What would I do without you, huh?�
“But I m-make everything w-worse f-for you,� she continued to cry. “You k-keep getting in f-fights trying to pr-protect and s-stick up f-for me. It’s n-not fair on y-you� always h-having to s-save me.�
“That’s my job, Shan,� I said as I pried her ponytail from her small fist. “I’m your big brother. I will always stick up for you.�
“How about I teach you a lesson?� Tadhg seethed, taking aim at Billy this time. “On how to fight fair.� With that, the little guy rammed the handle of the floor brush into Billy’s face. “And how to not be your brother’s little bitch boy.�
“I think it’s nice that your boyfriend and your dad are such good buddies,� Casey laughed. “They’ve got this cute little bromance going on. It’s adorable.�
“True,� I agreed, linking arms with my bestie, as we stumbled back to our table. “But when he’s bromancing my dad, it means that he’s not romancing me.�
And even when it was quiet, I was on edge. The silence unsettled me almost as much as her screams. Because her screams meant she was still breathing. Her silence meant that she was dead.
The minute he said her name, I found myself searching the room for her familiar blonde hair, only to discover that she was already staring at me.
With my brow cocked, I stared back at her, and mouthed the word stalker.
Proving, once again, that she was unlike any other girl in our year, who would blush and look away under scrutiny, Molloy arched a brow right back at me and mouthed fuck up.
I winked. Nice legs.
Grinning, she scratched her nose in with her middle finger. Asshole.
“If they look as good on you as that yellow thong you’re wearing, then I’m going to have to agree,� he replied, gesturing to the perfect view up my skirt that I had unintentionally given him.
“Close your eyes.�
“Close your legs.�
“No.� Heat flamed inside of me. “I’m not embarrassed.�
“Neither am I.�
“You’re looking up my skirt.�
“You’re flashing your pussy in my face.�
“Oh my god,� I choked out. “You did not just say that.�
“But you’re so good at being an asshole.�
“Come closer and I’ll show you how good I can be in other ways.�
� I never knew devastation until he walked into my world and gave me a glimpse into his.�
•┈••✦ ð’‘ð’ð’𒕠✦••┈â€�:
•┈••✦ ð’‘ð’‚ð’„ð’† ð’‚ð’ð’… ð’˜ð’“ð’Šð’•ð’Šð’ð’ˆâœ¦â€¢â€¢â”ˆâ€�:
•┈••✦ ð’„ð’‰ð’‚ð’“ð’‚ð’„ð’•ð’†ð’“𒔠✦••┈â€�:
•┈••✦ ð’“ð’ð’Žð’‚ð’ð’„𒆠✦••â€�:
•┈••✦ ð’”ð’‘ð’ð’Šð’ð’†ð’“ ð’‡ð’“ð’†ð’† ð’’ð’–ð’ð’•ð’†ð’” ✦••┈â€�:
•┈••✦ ð‘ºð‘·ð‘¶ð‘°ð‘³ð‘¬ð‘¹ð‘º ð‘¨ð‘¯ð‘¬ð‘¨ð‘« ✦••┈â€�:
Releasing a pained breath, he leaned in close and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I could go a fair bit crazy over you, Molloy.� His lips brushed against my brow as he said, “Stay out of my head now, ya hear?�
In the ashes, where shadows lay,
Two hearts collided, torn and frayed.
Through storms of rage and love’s despair,
They built a bond beyond repair.
“I’m not a good person, Molloy. But for you, I’ll try to be better.�
“You’re my calm in the storm, Molloy. My safe place.�
“I’ll never stop choosing you, Joey Lynch. Even when it hurts, I’ll choose you.�
“You don’t fix me, Aoife. You make me want to fix myself.�
"He gave up his dreams to save theirs, but who would save him?"
“I’ll break myself before I let the world touch them.�
"Every scar told a story, every wound a battle he survived."
“You think I don’t notice you, Molloy? You’re the only thing I see.�
“I’m not afraid of the dark, Aoife. I’m afraid of what I’ll do when the lights go out.�
"Some people weren’t born to be saved. Some were born to save everyone else>"
“When I say I don’t love you," he continued, nuzzling his face in my neck. “It’s the furthest thing from the truth.�
“You saw me back there,� she stated evenly, green eyes snaring me.
“I did.�
“You kept walking.�
I nodded like a fool. “I did.�
“Don’t do that again.�
Fuck me. “I won’t.�
“Can I just stop you right there,� I interjected, holding a hand up.
“Yeah,� she said, turning to look at me with an expectant look. “Why?�
“No reason,� I replied. “I just wanted you to stop talking.�
“You know, Joey, you can be such an asshole sometimes.�
“My Joseph. My brave, brave boy. Terrible burdens. A cursed cross to carry. But always rising from the ashes. Always getting back up. Always the� protector.�
“But don’t ever think that I don’t have feelings,� he said, and then pressed a kiss to my mouth. “Because the only time that I allow myself to feel anything is when I’m with you.�
In my head it was die or get high.
And I had too many people depending on me not to die.
“Do you love my daughter?�
Heart thumping violently in my chest, I felt myself nod. “Entirely.� And then I heard myself say, “For about five years now.�
Well shit�
“Second,� he said slowly. “Do you see a future with her?�
“No,� I admitted, hating my words, but needing to give him the truth, because if anyone deserved my honesty it was this man. “I don’t see a future for us, but that’s not because I don’t want one with her. It’s because I don’t see a future for myself, period.�
“I see you, Joey Lynch,� she continued, stroking her nose against mine.
“Yeah,� I replied in a gruff tone. “I see you too, Molloy.�
“The only time that I allow myself to feel anything is when I’m with you.�
“Please just stay.� He paused to release another slow breath before continuing. “This is the only time it’s ever stopped. Please don’t break it.�
“This is the only time what’s ever stopped?� I croaked out, feeling my heart thunder wildly in my chest. “And don’t break what?�
“My head,� he mumbled, before adding, “The quiet.�
“You’re my favorite friend, with my favorite legs.�
“And just so you know, Joe…� She leaned in close and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “You’re my favorite friend, with my favorite everything.�
“I wanted to rescue him, to shield him from the horrors he had been born into. I wanted to be his armor when he couldn’t fight back. I wanted to wade into battle for him, protect his beautiful soul. But I’d been so determined to save him that I hadn’t noticed I’d lost myself in the process. Our love was toxic.�
“I’m not replacing you, Molloy.� I couldn’t. “I’m trying to fix me.� For you.