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¡Hola Papi!: How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons
Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Memoir & Autobiography (2021)From popular LGBTQ advice columnist and writer John Paul Brammer comes a hilarious, heartwarming memoir-in-essays chronicling his journey growing up as a queer, mixed-race kid in America’s heartland to becoming the “Chicano Carrie Bradshaw� of his generation.
The first time someone called John Paul (JP) Brammer “Papi� was on the popular gay hookup app Grindr. At first, it was flattering; JP took this as white-guy speak for “hey, handsome.� Who doesn’t want to be called handsome? But then it happened again and again…and again, leaving JP wondering: Who the hell is Papi?
What started as a racialized moniker given to him on a hookup app soon became the inspiration for his now wildly popular advice column “¡Hola Papi!,� launching his career as the Cheryl Strayed for young queer people everywhere—and some straight people too. JP had his doubts at first—what advice could he really offer while he himself stumbled through his early 20s? Sometimes the best advice to dole outcomes from looking within, which is what JP has done in his column and book—and readers have flocked to him for honest, heartfelt wisdom, and of course, a few laughs.
In ¡Hola Papi!, JP shares his story of growing up biracial and in the closet in America’s heartland, while attempting to answer some of life’s toughest questions: How do I let go of the past? How do I become the person I want to be? Is there such a thing as being too gay? Should I hook up with my grade school bully now that he’s out of the closet? Questions we’ve all asked ourselves, surely.
¡Hola Papi! is for anyone—gay, straight, and everything in between—who has ever taken stock of their unique place in the world.
The first time someone called John Paul (JP) Brammer “Papi� was on the popular gay hookup app Grindr. At first, it was flattering; JP took this as white-guy speak for “hey, handsome.� Who doesn’t want to be called handsome? But then it happened again and again…and again, leaving JP wondering: Who the hell is Papi?
What started as a racialized moniker given to him on a hookup app soon became the inspiration for his now wildly popular advice column “¡Hola Papi!,� launching his career as the Cheryl Strayed for young queer people everywhere—and some straight people too. JP had his doubts at first—what advice could he really offer while he himself stumbled through his early 20s? Sometimes the best advice to dole outcomes from looking within, which is what JP has done in his column and book—and readers have flocked to him for honest, heartfelt wisdom, and of course, a few laughs.
In ¡Hola Papi!, JP shares his story of growing up biracial and in the closet in America’s heartland, while attempting to answer some of life’s toughest questions: How do I let go of the past? How do I become the person I want to be? Is there such a thing as being too gay? Should I hook up with my grade school bully now that he’s out of the closet? Questions we’ve all asked ourselves, surely.
¡Hola Papi! is for anyone—gay, straight, and everything in between—who has ever taken stock of their unique place in the world.
214 pages, Hardcover
First published June 8, 2021
376 people are currently reading
20.5k people want to read
About the author
John Paul Brammer
7Ìýbooks125ÌýfollowersJohn Paul Brammer is a writer, blogger, and activist from Oklahoma. His work has been featured in This Land Press and The Advocate. He frequently writes on the topics of LGBT activism and his Mexican American background.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,204 reviews
December 4, 2021
Now a Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ Choice nominee in Autobiography!
I’ve been a fan of JP Brammer’s for a while. I wish I could say it was because of something that would make me sound more worldly and well-read, like yeah, I subscribe to substacks of many interesting writers. But to quote Mr. Brammer, I knew him from �...Twitter, the website where I live.� At some point last year I saw him tweet about an upcoming book of his and was like ‘book??????? I read those!!!!!!!� It wasn’t until that point that I recognized was probably a real person and, luckily, an experienced and gifted writer outside of the 280 character limit.
¡Hola Papi! is a collection of essays formatted a little differently from others I’ve read. Brammer is a former (somewhat accidental) advice columnist, and the essays in his book are structured as responses to those who have written to him seeking guidance. I’m actually not sure if these are excerpts from his previous job or entirely new creations by the author, but it doesn’t really matter either way. Whether these specific pieces of advice were solicited or not, the insights and thoughtful reflection Brammer offers to the reader in his book will be entertaining to most and invaluable to others.
Striking the balance between serious topics and humor can be difficult to pull off, but Brammer handles it with a deft hand. Plenty of the moments described are filled with pain, and since it’s a memoir those moments are plucked straight from the experiences of the author. What I found most informing was the comparisons between how he felt about something when it initially happened vs how he views that same event now. Trauma doesn’t always let you identify it as such. You need to reach a level of safety and understanding in yourself in order to process some memories from your past.
Then, while you’re sitting with the heaviness of that, you’ll move on to the next chapter and find that its titled �How to Describe a Dick�. And strangely enough, this will be exactly the cut in the tension you need to keep going. Hola Papi isn’t the kind of book that’s leading the reader through painful experiences for the sake of it. There’s always a point to be made or a situation to find the funny side of. Brammer is as raw and honest as he is witty and quietly hilarious. Some of the stories may feel like they’re starting to wander or like they are ignoring the subject entirely, only to come around and answer the question with careful consideration and sensitivity.
The very first and last chapters are devoted to the question of qualifications, namely should John Paul Brammer be able to give strangers advice. I feel similarly every time I post another book review; sometimes I get nervous writing them. This is a single website, usually for book nerds to fart out our thoughts about whatever we just read. But outside of social media platforms (Instagram, TikTok) and bookseller sites (Amazon, Barnes & Noble), this is the biggest place for these reviews. If you Google a title, Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ will be on the first page of results. So when I scroll through a book’s page and see that my previous review, which at the time was a gif of a lady walking down a staircase declaring “I’M READY TO DRINKâ€�, is currently the top one—yes, I start to feel anxious.
Hopefully for those reading this, maybe with a hovering cursor over an online shopping cart, or perusing the shelves in a bookstore or library, you will give this one a shot. Especially if any of what I described sounds like something you can relate to, but even if you just want a book that will make you laugh as much as it will comfort your fears of inadequacy. It did that and more for me and left me with an even deeper appreciation for the sombrero-clad skeleton that lives inside Twitter with me. Probably not enough to subscribe to , but enough to pick up anything else with his name printed on the cover.
*Thanks to Simon & Schuster for an advance review copy!
**For more book talk & reviews, !
I’ve been a fan of JP Brammer’s for a while. I wish I could say it was because of something that would make me sound more worldly and well-read, like yeah, I subscribe to substacks of many interesting writers. But to quote Mr. Brammer, I knew him from �...Twitter, the website where I live.� At some point last year I saw him tweet about an upcoming book of his and was like ‘book??????? I read those!!!!!!!� It wasn’t until that point that I recognized was probably a real person and, luckily, an experienced and gifted writer outside of the 280 character limit.
¡Hola Papi! is a collection of essays formatted a little differently from others I’ve read. Brammer is a former (somewhat accidental) advice columnist, and the essays in his book are structured as responses to those who have written to him seeking guidance. I’m actually not sure if these are excerpts from his previous job or entirely new creations by the author, but it doesn’t really matter either way. Whether these specific pieces of advice were solicited or not, the insights and thoughtful reflection Brammer offers to the reader in his book will be entertaining to most and invaluable to others.
Striking the balance between serious topics and humor can be difficult to pull off, but Brammer handles it with a deft hand. Plenty of the moments described are filled with pain, and since it’s a memoir those moments are plucked straight from the experiences of the author. What I found most informing was the comparisons between how he felt about something when it initially happened vs how he views that same event now. Trauma doesn’t always let you identify it as such. You need to reach a level of safety and understanding in yourself in order to process some memories from your past.
Then, while you’re sitting with the heaviness of that, you’ll move on to the next chapter and find that its titled �How to Describe a Dick�. And strangely enough, this will be exactly the cut in the tension you need to keep going. Hola Papi isn’t the kind of book that’s leading the reader through painful experiences for the sake of it. There’s always a point to be made or a situation to find the funny side of. Brammer is as raw and honest as he is witty and quietly hilarious. Some of the stories may feel like they’re starting to wander or like they are ignoring the subject entirely, only to come around and answer the question with careful consideration and sensitivity.
The very first and last chapters are devoted to the question of qualifications, namely should John Paul Brammer be able to give strangers advice. I feel similarly every time I post another book review; sometimes I get nervous writing them. This is a single website, usually for book nerds to fart out our thoughts about whatever we just read. But outside of social media platforms (Instagram, TikTok) and bookseller sites (Amazon, Barnes & Noble), this is the biggest place for these reviews. If you Google a title, Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ will be on the first page of results. So when I scroll through a book’s page and see that my previous review, which at the time was a gif of a lady walking down a staircase declaring “I’M READY TO DRINKâ€�, is currently the top one—yes, I start to feel anxious.
Hopefully for those reading this, maybe with a hovering cursor over an online shopping cart, or perusing the shelves in a bookstore or library, you will give this one a shot. Especially if any of what I described sounds like something you can relate to, but even if you just want a book that will make you laugh as much as it will comfort your fears of inadequacy. It did that and more for me and left me with an even deeper appreciation for the sombrero-clad skeleton that lives inside Twitter with me. Probably not enough to subscribe to , but enough to pick up anything else with his name printed on the cover.
*Thanks to Simon & Schuster for an advance review copy!
**For more book talk & reviews, !
November 28, 2021
'To be clear, I didn’t think anybody had any business giving someone else advice, really, unless that person was a doctor or Dolly Parton.'
I had no idea who John Paul was going into this, though I did raise an eyebrow when a review mentioned the dreaded word 'millennials'. Ugh. Nevertheless, this was surprisingly relatable, perhaps suggesting that so many of the problems being grappled with by LGBTQI people from all walks of life, ages and cultures are really universal at heart. By turns disarmingly whimsical and brutally honest, this series of essays centred on advice-column questions is wonderfully engaging and affirmative.
What I also liked about this book is the spotlight it places on the huge role that the grandaddy of dating apps, Grindr, has played in the lives, loves, general horniness, existential misery and ultimately committed relationships of so many gay men. 'Con mucho amor', indeed.
I had no idea who John Paul was going into this, though I did raise an eyebrow when a review mentioned the dreaded word 'millennials'. Ugh. Nevertheless, this was surprisingly relatable, perhaps suggesting that so many of the problems being grappled with by LGBTQI people from all walks of life, ages and cultures are really universal at heart. By turns disarmingly whimsical and brutally honest, this series of essays centred on advice-column questions is wonderfully engaging and affirmative.
What I also liked about this book is the spotlight it places on the huge role that the grandaddy of dating apps, Grindr, has played in the lives, loves, general horniness, existential misery and ultimately committed relationships of so many gay men. 'Con mucho amor', indeed.
August 28, 2021
A delight to read, Hola Papi acts as a memoir-in-essays in the format of advice columns, about John Paul Brammer’s experiences growing up as a gay biracial Latinx man. The topics range from trying to date a girl before realizing his gayness, recovering from and desiring romantic love, and honoring his complex feelings about previous incidents of bullying and sexual assault. Though the topics may sound heavy, Brammer’s voice strikes the ideal balance of more informal relatability while still providing poignant emotional insight.
While I overall enjoyed this essay collection, I most loved the columns/essays in which Brammer detailed a more complete story. He does an excellent job of detailing past situations in his life � working a part-time job at a Mexican restaurant to try to connect with his ethnic heritage, coming out to a romantic flame in a Walmart parking lot, idealizing a potential relationship before realizing its actual quality, and more � with specific details and emotional honesty. When reading several of these essays, I felt like I was observing a younger version of Brammer doing his best amidst a heteronormative and homophobic society. He’s real about his feelings too, even the uncomfortable ones like unreciprocated yearning and not-completely-resolved anguish about merely being alive. His candor and self-awareness highlight the work he’s done on himself before or during writing these essays.
Two specific aspects of Brammer’s voice I liked included his humor and his ability to reach acceptance. I laughed out loud more than a handful of times reading Hola Papi. I appreciated though his humor sometimes included self-deprecation, it never felt like he wanted us as readers to reassure him. In terms of acceptance, I felt so impressed by several of the essays in the middle of the collection, like “How to Kiss Your Girlfriend,� “How to be a Real Mexican,� “How to Come Out to Your Boyfriend in a Walmart Parking Lot,� and “How to Fall in and Out of Love� for both the difficulty of the emotions he experienced and how he grew from them. Getting to a place of acceptance isn’t easy and often requires self-work and self-insight, which Brammer demonstrated a lot of in these essays. Again, the specific details he includes such as sensory images and specific emotions and thoughts helped these essays feel real, like stories from his life instead of didactic, rote lessons he’s learned.
I give this book four stars instead of five because I wanted a bit deeper introspection from Brammer in a few places throughout the collection. For example, in “How to Lose a Rabbit,� he writes about his harrowing experience of getting bullied in middle school, and toward the end of the essay he mentions that this cruelty affected his self-esteem, though he’s taken steps to address its effects. I wanted more specificity: in what ways did it affect his self-esteem and how did he work through those impacts? Another example: in one of the first few essays, he mentions a reader who asked him if, as a white man, it was problematic that he’s primarily dated Latinx men. Brammer responded with something along the lines of like, we don’t need your affirmative action, you loved them for them and they loved you for you, which, while the first part of that response checks out, the latter part I feel like reflected a lack of deeper interrogation of fetishization, internalized racism and colorism from queer men of color, and more. In general, I wanted more specificity and precision from the last set of the essays in this collection.
That said, I still had a great time reading Hola Papi and it’s one of the most well-written essay collections I’ve read in a while. Brammer’s warm, humorous, and reflective voice stands out in a good way. I hope we can continue getting books of similar quality from queer authors of color.
While I overall enjoyed this essay collection, I most loved the columns/essays in which Brammer detailed a more complete story. He does an excellent job of detailing past situations in his life � working a part-time job at a Mexican restaurant to try to connect with his ethnic heritage, coming out to a romantic flame in a Walmart parking lot, idealizing a potential relationship before realizing its actual quality, and more � with specific details and emotional honesty. When reading several of these essays, I felt like I was observing a younger version of Brammer doing his best amidst a heteronormative and homophobic society. He’s real about his feelings too, even the uncomfortable ones like unreciprocated yearning and not-completely-resolved anguish about merely being alive. His candor and self-awareness highlight the work he’s done on himself before or during writing these essays.
Two specific aspects of Brammer’s voice I liked included his humor and his ability to reach acceptance. I laughed out loud more than a handful of times reading Hola Papi. I appreciated though his humor sometimes included self-deprecation, it never felt like he wanted us as readers to reassure him. In terms of acceptance, I felt so impressed by several of the essays in the middle of the collection, like “How to Kiss Your Girlfriend,� “How to be a Real Mexican,� “How to Come Out to Your Boyfriend in a Walmart Parking Lot,� and “How to Fall in and Out of Love� for both the difficulty of the emotions he experienced and how he grew from them. Getting to a place of acceptance isn’t easy and often requires self-work and self-insight, which Brammer demonstrated a lot of in these essays. Again, the specific details he includes such as sensory images and specific emotions and thoughts helped these essays feel real, like stories from his life instead of didactic, rote lessons he’s learned.
I give this book four stars instead of five because I wanted a bit deeper introspection from Brammer in a few places throughout the collection. For example, in “How to Lose a Rabbit,� he writes about his harrowing experience of getting bullied in middle school, and toward the end of the essay he mentions that this cruelty affected his self-esteem, though he’s taken steps to address its effects. I wanted more specificity: in what ways did it affect his self-esteem and how did he work through those impacts? Another example: in one of the first few essays, he mentions a reader who asked him if, as a white man, it was problematic that he’s primarily dated Latinx men. Brammer responded with something along the lines of like, we don’t need your affirmative action, you loved them for them and they loved you for you, which, while the first part of that response checks out, the latter part I feel like reflected a lack of deeper interrogation of fetishization, internalized racism and colorism from queer men of color, and more. In general, I wanted more specificity and precision from the last set of the essays in this collection.
That said, I still had a great time reading Hola Papi and it’s one of the most well-written essay collections I’ve read in a while. Brammer’s warm, humorous, and reflective voice stands out in a good way. I hope we can continue getting books of similar quality from queer authors of color.
August 31, 2021
4.5 stars, rounded up.
¡Hola Papi! is a series of reflections and recollections from John Paul Brammer, an online advice columnist who could’ve used his own advice a time or two.
Do you ever feel like a book speaks to you? Sometimes I completely identify with a character or situation in a book (like one of my last reads, Pumpkin ). But rarely have I felt so seen by a book like I did with ¡Hola Papi! and, truthfully, I didn’t expect this in the least.
In this terrific book, Brammer shares what it was like to grow up biracial in Oklahoma. It was not a good place to struggle with your sexuality, and of course, deal with the related struggles with self-confidence and loving yourself. Far too many times these struggles took their toll on his mental health.
Brammer shares the problems he faced and the discoveries he made about life and himself, and presents them as answers to some of life’s questions, like how to let go of the past, how to forgive those who wronged you, how to find yourself worthy of love and happiness, and what to do when your high-school bully hits you up on Grindr. (Substitute “summer camp� for “high school� and I’m so there!)
I found this book funny, insightful, emotional, and so on point in so many ways. Even though on the surface Brammer and I couldn’t be more different, it’s amazing how much of what he had to say truly resonated and moved me.
I don’t read a lot of nonfiction but this is definitely one I’ll really remember.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2020 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2021/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2020.html.
See all of my reviews at .
Follow me on Instagram at .
¡Hola Papi! is a series of reflections and recollections from John Paul Brammer, an online advice columnist who could’ve used his own advice a time or two.
Do you ever feel like a book speaks to you? Sometimes I completely identify with a character or situation in a book (like one of my last reads, Pumpkin ). But rarely have I felt so seen by a book like I did with ¡Hola Papi! and, truthfully, I didn’t expect this in the least.
In this terrific book, Brammer shares what it was like to grow up biracial in Oklahoma. It was not a good place to struggle with your sexuality, and of course, deal with the related struggles with self-confidence and loving yourself. Far too many times these struggles took their toll on his mental health.
Brammer shares the problems he faced and the discoveries he made about life and himself, and presents them as answers to some of life’s questions, like how to let go of the past, how to forgive those who wronged you, how to find yourself worthy of love and happiness, and what to do when your high-school bully hits you up on Grindr. (Substitute “summer camp� for “high school� and I’m so there!)
I found this book funny, insightful, emotional, and so on point in so many ways. Even though on the surface Brammer and I couldn’t be more different, it’s amazing how much of what he had to say truly resonated and moved me.
I don’t read a lot of nonfiction but this is definitely one I’ll really remember.
Check out my list of the best books I read in 2020 at https://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com/2021/01/the-best-books-i-read-in-2020.html.
See all of my reviews at .
Follow me on Instagram at .
May 31, 2021
As someone who has never read 's advice column, I was pleasantly surprised by . It was heartfelt, funny, introspective, and well-written, and though I would have loved a more linear format of storytelling, I really enjoyed the book.
is a collection of John Paul Brammer's selected advice columns the speak on cultural and racial identity, being queer and smart in an intolerant, rural town, and the pain of love and loss. I could relate, personally, to very few of those elements on a superficial basis, but I felt his words profoundly and I think the book will connect particularly well with queer millennial-aged readers.
Parts of this book are funny and light, and parts of the story make you ache in a bone-deep way. I wanted to reach back in time to hug numerous times. Some of the essays made me want more of a conclusion to a particular story, but I was very pleased with what I got.
is a talented writer, and is a great read for those who want a well-rounded collection of personally essays and stories.
*Copy provided in exchange for an honest review*
goodreads|||
is a collection of John Paul Brammer's selected advice columns the speak on cultural and racial identity, being queer and smart in an intolerant, rural town, and the pain of love and loss. I could relate, personally, to very few of those elements on a superficial basis, but I felt his words profoundly and I think the book will connect particularly well with queer millennial-aged readers.
Parts of this book are funny and light, and parts of the story make you ache in a bone-deep way. I wanted to reach back in time to hug numerous times. Some of the essays made me want more of a conclusion to a particular story, but I was very pleased with what I got.
is a talented writer, and is a great read for those who want a well-rounded collection of personally essays and stories.
*Copy provided in exchange for an honest review*
goodreads|||
September 6, 2023
Wowieeee this might genuinely be the best memoir I’ve ever read. The writing sucks you in, the stories are entertaining, thought provoking and at times heart wrenching in equal measure. Absolutely loved loved loved everything about this
June 15, 2022
Real Rating: 3.75* of five, rounded up because I chuckled so much
FINALIST FOR THE 34th Lambda Literary Award—BEST GAY MEMOIR/BIOGRAPHY!
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: There are a lot of quotable quotes and pithy aperçus in this book:
See? I defy you not to lard these into your next all-gay klatsch and smile becomingly modestly as everyone tells you how wise you are. (Don't front...you know that's exactly what you thought as you read them.)
But as a story of JP Brammer's life the structure is wanting, and I wanted. I didn't reject the advice-column bits. I didn't resent their presence or simply find their simplicity simplistic. There is virtue in simplicity! Matisse was certainly correct, quoted in the "How to Describe a Dick" chapter, "First you have to forget all the {advice/memoir tales} that have been {written} before." And that is a tall, skinny, mushroom-headed problem. (This was occasioned by a question lobbed at Brammer, "how can I go on when I'm so obviously a failure?") Again, to quote but this time Brammer himself, with a freeze-framed penis before him, "I stared at it blankly. It stared back." (Which reminds me, go watch Amazon's The Boys season 3, episode 1. Haw.) But that dick, the one JP Brammer needed to describe? He needed to describe it for work and where there's work there's deadlines and one of those was barrelling down on him. The dick in question, paused on his screen, needed to be described for the porn-ad website...one of those with glitzy photos and ads for things the guys doing the sex acts unquestionably do not need to concern themselves with...that needed clicks. That his words needed to elicit, because this isn't one of the dirty-boy blogs where the scenes are still-framed on, um, action shots shall we say.
This existential crisis..."what the hell is there to say about this tediously same-ol' same-ol' goverment issue genital organ?"...is resolved, of course, though honestly it's by no means certain that his inspired choice made it onto that site. It's really not an area in which I have a lot of interest or expertise, those teasy-squeezy parts of the porn world. "All or nothing" is more my motto but at sixty-plus I'm just not, erm, titillated by suchlike carryin' on as in days of yore.
(Okay, I think Rob's already bored reading this so I can safely add "it says here.")
The issue for me in this read isn't the framing device or the chatty tone or the unabashed goofiness. It's the way it doesn't make *a*book* but a collection of columns. While there is charm in that, it's not what I expected when I was told that it was a memoir. I got the message from the subtitle, which is perfect..."How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons"...but it doesn't make a memoir. The Lambda Literary folk didn't just make up the category it was nominated within...the marketing stresses memoir. Advice, yes; essay, certainly; gay, goodness me yes! Not memoir.
So readers are cautioned to adjust expectations going in to the fun, the roller-coaster of emotions, the single-mindedly survival focused, read. I'll say this for Author Brammer: He knows the structure of an anecdote, the precise emotional trajectory of a story, like the veins on...um...well, he knows what he's up to.
There is no way I can get off this horse (!) without sounding double-entendre-y as hell. Go on and buy it.
FINALIST FOR THE 34th Lambda Literary Award—BEST GAY MEMOIR/BIOGRAPHY!
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: There are a lot of quotable quotes and pithy aperçus in this book:
We can't change the events of our lives. They happen, and there they are. But the lines we draw to connect those events, the shapes we make and the conclusions we reach, those come from us. They are our design.
–a²Ô»åâ€�
But one thing I’ve learned, and I’ve learned it more solidly than maybe I’ve learned anything else, is that humans are incapable of looking at anything clearly. Even the facts of our own lives—we can only hold a few at any given time, and they shift, they slip through our fingers, they rearrange themselves into new shapes and conspire to tell a different story.
–a²Ô»åâ€�
I thought of myself more as “a person with unique difficulty accessing heterosexuality.�
See? I defy you not to lard these into your next all-gay klatsch and smile becomingly modestly as everyone tells you how wise you are. (Don't front...you know that's exactly what you thought as you read them.)
But as a story of JP Brammer's life the structure is wanting, and I wanted. I didn't reject the advice-column bits. I didn't resent their presence or simply find their simplicity simplistic. There is virtue in simplicity! Matisse was certainly correct, quoted in the "How to Describe a Dick" chapter, "First you have to forget all the {advice/memoir tales} that have been {written} before." And that is a tall, skinny, mushroom-headed problem. (This was occasioned by a question lobbed at Brammer, "how can I go on when I'm so obviously a failure?") Again, to quote but this time Brammer himself, with a freeze-framed penis before him, "I stared at it blankly. It stared back." (Which reminds me, go watch Amazon's The Boys season 3, episode 1. Haw.) But that dick, the one JP Brammer needed to describe? He needed to describe it for work and where there's work there's deadlines and one of those was barrelling down on him. The dick in question, paused on his screen, needed to be described for the porn-ad website...one of those with glitzy photos and ads for things the guys doing the sex acts unquestionably do not need to concern themselves with...that needed clicks. That his words needed to elicit, because this isn't one of the dirty-boy blogs where the scenes are still-framed on, um, action shots shall we say.
This existential crisis..."what the hell is there to say about this tediously same-ol' same-ol' goverment issue genital organ?"...is resolved, of course, though honestly it's by no means certain that his inspired choice made it onto that site. It's really not an area in which I have a lot of interest or expertise, those teasy-squeezy parts of the porn world. "All or nothing" is more my motto but at sixty-plus I'm just not, erm, titillated by suchlike carryin' on as in days of yore.
(Okay, I think Rob's already bored reading this so I can safely add "it says here.")
The issue for me in this read isn't the framing device or the chatty tone or the unabashed goofiness. It's the way it doesn't make *a*book* but a collection of columns. While there is charm in that, it's not what I expected when I was told that it was a memoir. I got the message from the subtitle, which is perfect..."How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons"...but it doesn't make a memoir. The Lambda Literary folk didn't just make up the category it was nominated within...the marketing stresses memoir. Advice, yes; essay, certainly; gay, goodness me yes! Not memoir.
So readers are cautioned to adjust expectations going in to the fun, the roller-coaster of emotions, the single-mindedly survival focused, read. I'll say this for Author Brammer: He knows the structure of an anecdote, the precise emotional trajectory of a story, like the veins on...um...well, he knows what he's up to.
There is no way I can get off this horse (!) without sounding double-entendre-y as hell. Go on and buy it.
February 21, 2021
Hola Papi is a surprisingly successful memoir-meets-advice-column that taps into the heart of queer millennialism.
John Paul Brammer is a writer who has found much success writing for a variety of online and print forums, tapping into his past experiences growing up queer and Mexican in rural Oklahoma to tell stories that resonates with his readers. This book, Hola Papi builds on his well-known advice column by the same name. In this way, Brammer uses questions from readers to dig deep into his life and tell stories about being bullied in middle school and having that middle school bully later reach out on Grindr. About experiences of sexual assault that can't be named until the world has shifted and given him the language to talk about it. And about experiences of learning how to be, dress, and act gay, only to eventually realize that such educational opportunities are far too nuanced to be easily learned and adhered to.
Admittedly, I approached Hola Papi with trepidation: too many times straight-from-Twitter gay writers make their first book a memoir, and that memoir fails both because it is poorly written and because their stories are just not that interesting. But that is not the case with Brammer's writing. His stories are compelling and moving and his writing is firm and insightful. Though at times his writing slips into the world of Twitter humor - a voice that is just not right for long-form storytelling - for the most part Hola Papi is a moving memoir that you should most certainly read.
John Paul Brammer is a writer who has found much success writing for a variety of online and print forums, tapping into his past experiences growing up queer and Mexican in rural Oklahoma to tell stories that resonates with his readers. This book, Hola Papi builds on his well-known advice column by the same name. In this way, Brammer uses questions from readers to dig deep into his life and tell stories about being bullied in middle school and having that middle school bully later reach out on Grindr. About experiences of sexual assault that can't be named until the world has shifted and given him the language to talk about it. And about experiences of learning how to be, dress, and act gay, only to eventually realize that such educational opportunities are far too nuanced to be easily learned and adhered to.
Admittedly, I approached Hola Papi with trepidation: too many times straight-from-Twitter gay writers make their first book a memoir, and that memoir fails both because it is poorly written and because their stories are just not that interesting. But that is not the case with Brammer's writing. His stories are compelling and moving and his writing is firm and insightful. Though at times his writing slips into the world of Twitter humor - a voice that is just not right for long-form storytelling - for the most part Hola Papi is a moving memoir that you should most certainly read.
March 31, 2021
¡Hola PapÃ! is a delight to read: honest, thoughtful, and hilarious. John Paul Brummer writes an advice column aimed at (primarily) a gay, multicultural audience. As a gay man who grew up in Oklahoma with one Latinx and one anglo parent, his life has been a years-long process of embracing himself, his cultural identity, and his affectional orientation.
What I love most about this title is Brammer's sincerity and lack of pretension. He isn't in the advice business to advertise his own sophistication. He's in it to help people who have taken a long time to find their true selves or who are still on that search. Regardless of your cultural background or affectional orientation, this is a book that rewards the reader. If you've ever wondered who you are or how to be that person—or if you just like humor that comes at no 0ne else's expense, check this title out!
I received a free electronic review copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley; the opinions are my own.
What I love most about this title is Brammer's sincerity and lack of pretension. He isn't in the advice business to advertise his own sophistication. He's in it to help people who have taken a long time to find their true selves or who are still on that search. Regardless of your cultural background or affectional orientation, this is a book that rewards the reader. If you've ever wondered who you are or how to be that person—or if you just like humor that comes at no 0ne else's expense, check this title out!
I received a free electronic review copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley; the opinions are my own.
July 21, 2021
I read straight through this addicting book, but there could be great value pausing after reading each chapters and reflecting. Brammer does not preach answers to the reader. He simply tells open and honest stories and concludes with observations about himself. This indirect way of talking to the reader lets you see comparisons to yourself.
He was bullied. He has been in not-so-good relationships. He had suicidal thoughts. He has had seemingly great relationships fizzle. I liked how each chapter was its own short story. These 210 pages are not 105 x 2-page tips/advice. Rather, this is 14 x 15-page real-world essays of experience.
I give this 4.5
He was bullied. He has been in not-so-good relationships. He had suicidal thoughts. He has had seemingly great relationships fizzle. I liked how each chapter was its own short story. These 210 pages are not 105 x 2-page tips/advice. Rather, this is 14 x 15-page real-world essays of experience.
I give this 4.5
September 14, 2021
This was an enjoyable memoir to listen to on audiobook. Growing up gay in the midwest also, I found myself relating to a lot of John Paul Brammer's experiences - for example, the self-hatred and protective mechanisms from growing up in a homophobic culture and unlearning that self-hatred in adult life. I saw a lot of myself in these essays, which were well-written and constructed in a clear manner.
I also liked that he touched on the complexities of advice-giving within the LGBT community. One of the frames of information literacy is the idea that authority is constructed and contextual and I believe Brammer conveyed this nicely for his audience while reflecting on his experiences of writing an advice column. We all carry with us our own experiences and those experiences may or may not help others out on their own journeys and that's okay.
I also liked that he touched on the complexities of advice-giving within the LGBT community. One of the frames of information literacy is the idea that authority is constructed and contextual and I believe Brammer conveyed this nicely for his audience while reflecting on his experiences of writing an advice column. We all carry with us our own experiences and those experiences may or may not help others out on their own journeys and that's okay.
June 6, 2021
I really appreciate the voice and tone in these essays. The mix of humor, self deprecation, earnestness, and compassion makes for good advice to read. Each chapter though is inconsistent. Some are really emotional and powerful. Some are flat. The cohesion is not all there on this one, which is a bummer because I left the book loving John Paul Brammer.
March 16, 2021
Somewhere on the Normandy coast of France David Sedaris has just placed a very angry call to his editor. "Who is this John Paul Brammer? Tell me everything. What is his greatest weakness? If he isn't stopped soon I'm out of a job."
This was a quick book, though not always an easy or lighthearted one, which I am glad for! Unlike most satirical things I read, I feel that the jokes and clever, carefully-placed imagery in this one actually added to the meaning nine times out of ten (jokes weren't just there for tempo, or to find "the easy way out.")
Also, the book is unabashedly written for a queer audience. Grateful I didn't spend toooo much time bogged down in descriptions of things only the heteros would need descriptions for.
Unconventional, maybe, but if I loitered long enough in a Barnes & Noble or Dog Eared killing time before or after a hookup (the good old days), I would have absolutely have re-shelved this bad boy under travel literature! To me, it fits snugly in that genre. Oh, the thrill of covertly reorganizing bookstores to my liking...another forgotten hobby lost to the pandy...
Thanks JP for the advanced copy!
This was a quick book, though not always an easy or lighthearted one, which I am glad for! Unlike most satirical things I read, I feel that the jokes and clever, carefully-placed imagery in this one actually added to the meaning nine times out of ten (jokes weren't just there for tempo, or to find "the easy way out.")
Also, the book is unabashedly written for a queer audience. Grateful I didn't spend toooo much time bogged down in descriptions of things only the heteros would need descriptions for.
Unconventional, maybe, but if I loitered long enough in a Barnes & Noble or Dog Eared killing time before or after a hookup (the good old days), I would have absolutely have re-shelved this bad boy under travel literature! To me, it fits snugly in that genre. Oh, the thrill of covertly reorganizing bookstores to my liking...another forgotten hobby lost to the pandy...
Thanks JP for the advanced copy!
June 30, 2021
Audiobook read by the author
Subtitle: How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons
Brammer studied journalism and creative writing and landed a job writing an advice column for INTO, which was published by Grindr, the popular gay hook-up app. He wasn’t sure he was doing “the gay thing� right, or that he had any business giving advice, but hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. His column, ¡Hola Papi!, took off like wildfire.
This collection of essays serves as a memoir and self-help guide to pressing questions about growing up, surviving break ups, finding love, and all the issues young people � both gay and straight � have to navigate in the process of becoming adults. He recounts his experiences in a small Oklahoma town, his horrible middle-school years, when he was bullied to the point where he considered suicide, his confusing teenage years in the closet, his awakening in college, and his eventual move to New York.
The beginning of each chapter poses a question asking for advice. There are some chapters where I wondered where his story was headed and if he’d ever connect to the question being asked. But Brammer’s honesty and empathy propelled me forward.
Brammer narrates the audiobook himself. He does a fine job, it IS his own story after all, and I can’t imagine anyone doing a better job of narrating it. I did read about half the book in text format, however.
Subtitle: How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons
Brammer studied journalism and creative writing and landed a job writing an advice column for INTO, which was published by Grindr, the popular gay hook-up app. He wasn’t sure he was doing “the gay thing� right, or that he had any business giving advice, but hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained. His column, ¡Hola Papi!, took off like wildfire.
This collection of essays serves as a memoir and self-help guide to pressing questions about growing up, surviving break ups, finding love, and all the issues young people � both gay and straight � have to navigate in the process of becoming adults. He recounts his experiences in a small Oklahoma town, his horrible middle-school years, when he was bullied to the point where he considered suicide, his confusing teenage years in the closet, his awakening in college, and his eventual move to New York.
The beginning of each chapter poses a question asking for advice. There are some chapters where I wondered where his story was headed and if he’d ever connect to the question being asked. But Brammer’s honesty and empathy propelled me forward.
Brammer narrates the audiobook himself. He does a fine job, it IS his own story after all, and I can’t imagine anyone doing a better job of narrating it. I did read about half the book in text format, however.
June 2, 2021
This was solidly ok. It is basically a memoir written by an advice column writer, whose audience (I believe) is predominantly gay males. He honestly just seemed like just about every guy I know and like in my own life, which is good, but at the same time there wasn't really anything Earth shattering about this.
I do really love the cover.
I received an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I do really love the cover.
I received an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
June 10, 2021
As a follower of JP Brammer's writing for years, I have always been so impressed by his unique sense of humor. His jokes always feel fresh and original but also true and familiar, like they hit on something you have always sort of known and agreed with but have just never heard it put so well before. But what's so amazing is that he can turn around in the next line and hit you with something so empathetic and emotionally honest and true that it takes your breath away, and this book is full of both of those strengths. His stories are honest and open and relatable and beautiful and warm and hilarious all at once. I know I will continue to think about this book.
January 3, 2022
Loved this book--it was heartwarming and relatable and really funny and thoughtful. Funny enough, in November I went to a six-person dinner party and was introduced to a guy named "J.P." I thought he looked familiar, but couldn't quite place him. As soon as he started talking about his advice column I was like "Holy shit, this is J.P. Brammer!" Anyway, he was hilarious and smart in-person as well--we mused about Vatican III, mostly: NFTs of the Bible and the Shroud of Turin, etc. Not at all surprising. I look forward to his WaPo column and hopefully a future of long-form writing.
June 12, 2021
4.5 Stars
CWs: peripheral ableism; mentions of fatphobia; homophobia (internal and external) and homophobic slurs; bullying and death threats; allusions to suicide and descriptions of suicide attempts; some violence; HP references; reference to eating disorder; racism and racial slurs; some descriptions of sex; exploration of toxic relationships and instances of sexual assault
CWs: peripheral ableism; mentions of fatphobia; homophobia (internal and external) and homophobic slurs; bullying and death threats; allusions to suicide and descriptions of suicide attempts; some violence; HP references; reference to eating disorder; racism and racial slurs; some descriptions of sex; exploration of toxic relationships and instances of sexual assault
August 24, 2021
¡Hola Papi! reminded me a lot of my experience growing up as a gay Mexican American. There were parts of the book that really dove into some deep and emotional topics. Then, there were other topics that were just funny and gave you some comic relief. However, I did feel like the book was really short and that made some of the story feel superficial to me.
March 24, 2023
i pay money to read JP Brammer’s advice column, so that goes to show how much i love his writing. funny poignant and heart-wrenching! what a wonderful collection of stories. not all of them are fun but so human.. isn’t that the point of it all� i love his honesty and humility
June 28, 2021
this book felt like a new and an old friend all at once and i love it so much
August 5, 2021
3.5 stars
i just love john paul brammer's voice -- it's earnest and endearing and all around really moving.
i just love john paul brammer's voice -- it's earnest and endearing and all around really moving.
September 9, 2021
I enjoyed this one a lot. Wished I came across this book when I was a teenager but even then I’m glad that I opened this book up in my current stage in life.
March 29, 2022
4.5 - I had such a great time reading this book. I listened to the whole thing in one sitting during a car ride and it kept me engaged the entire time. John Paul Brammer’s memoir in essays really hit what I enjoy reading in personal nonfiction. His tone moved between humorous and serious while discussing things like sexuality, race, coming out, coming of age, and so much more.
August 1, 2021
Enjoyable start to finish. There are moments of levity (and laughter) but be prepared for a thoughtful and telling experience - just be sure to pause in between chapters to reflect. You’ll appreciate it.
June 28, 2022
memoir-in-essays are generally appealing to me and this one was pretty good! i do think JPB has some genuinely thoughtful and well-meaning advice to give through these chapters. there were some bits i was pleasantly surprised by.
i have two main critiques, one surface-level and one more significant. because he writes an advice column, each chapter is formatted as such, beginning with a (maybe faux or heavily clipped?) letter from a reader. through the whole rest of the chapter, JPB will randomly insert the letter’s sign-off into a sentence or seven. and every time, it threw me off, bc the tone of each essay is really more memoir than advice column to me. it was just a mildly irritating writing quirk that i’m sure some people enjoy but was just not for me. regardless that alone wouldn’t put this at a 4-star.
what did is that pretty often, JPB gives advice or comes to some grand conclusion that is /SO CLOSE/ to being something radical or truly politically meaningful, and then it just doesn’t happen. at one point he very clearly describes the invisible knapsack conception of white privilege, but then just moves on and writes about smth else. it’s definitely possible that he came up with the same ideas himself, but it’s an idea that dates back to 1980s antiracism so to read it as if it’s novel was odd. there were a few other similar instances that all just made me think “no!! u were so close to something really good!!!!�
I know i’m a very critical reader but cmon, just a /little/ more radical, please?
i have two main critiques, one surface-level and one more significant. because he writes an advice column, each chapter is formatted as such, beginning with a (maybe faux or heavily clipped?) letter from a reader. through the whole rest of the chapter, JPB will randomly insert the letter’s sign-off into a sentence or seven. and every time, it threw me off, bc the tone of each essay is really more memoir than advice column to me. it was just a mildly irritating writing quirk that i’m sure some people enjoy but was just not for me. regardless that alone wouldn’t put this at a 4-star.
what did is that pretty often, JPB gives advice or comes to some grand conclusion that is /SO CLOSE/ to being something radical or truly politically meaningful, and then it just doesn’t happen. at one point he very clearly describes the invisible knapsack conception of white privilege, but then just moves on and writes about smth else. it’s definitely possible that he came up with the same ideas himself, but it’s an idea that dates back to 1980s antiracism so to read it as if it’s novel was odd. there were a few other similar instances that all just made me think “no!! u were so close to something really good!!!!�
I know i’m a very critical reader but cmon, just a /little/ more radical, please?
June 23, 2022
As a person who lived in Lawton, Oklahoma and also taught 9th grade English at Lawton High School I found this book fascinating! While reading this book I could vividly picture the culture/reality of Cache and Lawton (both good and bad). My time in Lawton is something that has forever changed me and this author did an amazing job explaining/exploring life in this part of Oklahoma. Honestly the parts about teens hanging out at Walmart was absolutely still a thing in 2015 and I died when they talked about how Target wasn’t a thing when they were in high school. Having lived in Lawton totally enhanced my love for this book because the odd juxtaposition of rural meets military meets native culture is so incredibly Lawton. The comments on Lawton High School remained sadly accurate to my experience teaching there years later.
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October 12, 2021Truly the gay half-Mexican Carrie Bradshaw, though I've never watched Sex in the City. Breezed through this. I found Brammer's structure effective (the advice q's and Dear Readers) even though I wouldn't choose it for myself. His prose was half-literary, half-internet, and I'd be curious what it would look like if he leaned all the way into the literary. I bet I'd like it even more.
August 22, 2022
Funny, way too relatable.
July 31, 2021
This was VERY GOOD. I went into it thinking it was gonna be lighthearted and fun, and parts of it certainly were but some of it was also quite sexy and a lot of it hit my heart like a tonne of bricks.
This book is real af.
This book is real af.
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