What do you think?
Rate this book
What Would Betty Do?: How to Succeed at the Expense of Others in this World-and the Next
Betty Bowers is a better Christian than you!
In a world of reflected glory and shameless name-dropping, no one can touch America's most puritanical pundit, Betty Bowers. Betty is so close to Jesus, He's given her His loaves and fish recipe. And only Betty knows how many shopping days there are until the Apocalypse. As she is fond of "If God created me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment!"
In Prada and in prayer, Betty has devoted her life to bringing people the Good They are going straight to Hell. Thousands have aspired to emulate her joie d'apres vivre by logging on to her popular website, bettybowers.com. But only now, with What Would Betty Do? does she finally reveal her spiritual survival secrets. You'll discover how, come Judgment Day, to be whisked through the 10 Sins or Less express line. But first, you will have to learn how to vote (for God's Own Party, the Republicans), whom to hate (Lie-berals and other non-Baptists), and what to throw (a soirée -- and then a few stones!). "After all," warns Betty, "if Heaven is just going to involve running into all the people you avoided on Earth, what would be the point?"
Unchic? Unsaved? Wavering faith? Wandering hands? A pair of $650 Manolo Blahnik pumps that won't go with anything? No problem! Just ask yourself -- What would Betty do?
In a world of reflected glory and shameless name-dropping, no one can touch America's most puritanical pundit, Betty Bowers. Betty is so close to Jesus, He's given her His loaves and fish recipe. And only Betty knows how many shopping days there are until the Apocalypse. As she is fond of "If God created me in His image, I have more than returned the compliment!"
In Prada and in prayer, Betty has devoted her life to bringing people the Good They are going straight to Hell. Thousands have aspired to emulate her joie d'apres vivre by logging on to her popular website, bettybowers.com. But only now, with What Would Betty Do? does she finally reveal her spiritual survival secrets. You'll discover how, come Judgment Day, to be whisked through the 10 Sins or Less express line. But first, you will have to learn how to vote (for God's Own Party, the Republicans), whom to hate (Lie-berals and other non-Baptists), and what to throw (a soirée -- and then a few stones!). "After all," warns Betty, "if Heaven is just going to involve running into all the people you avoided on Earth, what would be the point?"
Unchic? Unsaved? Wavering faith? Wandering hands? A pair of $650 Manolo Blahnik pumps that won't go with anything? No problem! Just ask yourself -- What would Betty do?
176 pages, Paperback
First published February 26, 2002
6 people are currently reading
24 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
August 29, 2014
"Jesus said, 'Let she who is without sin cast the first stone.'
That would be me."
~ Betty Bowers
I'm no stranger to the world of competitive Christianity.
It seems to run in my genes.
Religions that allowed drinking, dancing and fun were far too lenient for my maternal grandparents. Their church forbade all that stuff, plus movies and card playing, even Old Maid and Crazy Eights. My mother and her sister never missed a Sunday of sitting through church. (Of course, I didn't actually notice til my teen years that the main reason for this was that attending services provided all the needed gossip for the dinner table later that day. "Could you believe what she was wearing?" was the usual hotly discussed topic.) Why, I myself remember summer evenings spent at Vacation Bible School, trying to be the one to sing "Countdown," an oddly upbeat song for children about the impending apocalypse, more loudly and piously than the other sweaty Christian children.
So, believe me when I say that Mrs. Betty Bowers has us all beat. She is, hands down, indeed America's Best Christian! She leaves no stone unthrown in her attempts to out-devout other believers. In fact, Betty lies awake at night, worrying about the effects of excessive stoning. "Do we have enough quarries?" she frets.
I can't think of a better way to convince you of Betty's sincere and abiding closeness to Jesus than to let her speak for herself.
When it comes to sex, a Baptist lady never does anything that appears in the Old Testament, involves participation in a "Trinity," or requires placing any body part in her mouth - unless, of course, it is the Body of Christ.
I have long been an outspoken advocate in favor of so-called "same-sex" marriage. Indeed, I am constantly beseeching couples at our Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemakers' married couples ministry to abandon the amorally hedonistic notion that spouses must come up with a new "position" every six weeks when they have sex. Changes in position are best left to politicians. It is far easier to schedule an appropriate amount of time for necessary sexual congress when a couple simply has the same sex every time.
As a Republican, I am inflamed by the idea of killing human beings while they are still in the womb. Once they climb out, of course, they are on their own - and fair game.
For the past eight months, I have been marshaling an admittedly strident campaign to remind people that their salvation depends on owning and, to a lesser extent, reading a quality Bible.
So, let Betty into your heart. She will show you right from wrong, why you should be a member of the G.O.P. - God's Own Party, and NOT a Demon-crat, and how to judge for Jesus without warning or provocation. And always remember Betty's Fourth Rule of Christianity -
"It's not supposed to make sense."
That would be me."
~ Betty Bowers
I'm no stranger to the world of competitive Christianity.
It seems to run in my genes.
Religions that allowed drinking, dancing and fun were far too lenient for my maternal grandparents. Their church forbade all that stuff, plus movies and card playing, even Old Maid and Crazy Eights. My mother and her sister never missed a Sunday of sitting through church. (Of course, I didn't actually notice til my teen years that the main reason for this was that attending services provided all the needed gossip for the dinner table later that day. "Could you believe what she was wearing?" was the usual hotly discussed topic.) Why, I myself remember summer evenings spent at Vacation Bible School, trying to be the one to sing "Countdown," an oddly upbeat song for children about the impending apocalypse, more loudly and piously than the other sweaty Christian children.
So, believe me when I say that Mrs. Betty Bowers has us all beat. She is, hands down, indeed America's Best Christian! She leaves no stone unthrown in her attempts to out-devout other believers. In fact, Betty lies awake at night, worrying about the effects of excessive stoning. "Do we have enough quarries?" she frets.
I can't think of a better way to convince you of Betty's sincere and abiding closeness to Jesus than to let her speak for herself.
When it comes to sex, a Baptist lady never does anything that appears in the Old Testament, involves participation in a "Trinity," or requires placing any body part in her mouth - unless, of course, it is the Body of Christ.
I have long been an outspoken advocate in favor of so-called "same-sex" marriage. Indeed, I am constantly beseeching couples at our Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemakers' married couples ministry to abandon the amorally hedonistic notion that spouses must come up with a new "position" every six weeks when they have sex. Changes in position are best left to politicians. It is far easier to schedule an appropriate amount of time for necessary sexual congress when a couple simply has the same sex every time.
As a Republican, I am inflamed by the idea of killing human beings while they are still in the womb. Once they climb out, of course, they are on their own - and fair game.
For the past eight months, I have been marshaling an admittedly strident campaign to remind people that their salvation depends on owning and, to a lesser extent, reading a quality Bible.
So, let Betty into your heart. She will show you right from wrong, why you should be a member of the G.O.P. - God's Own Party, and NOT a Demon-crat, and how to judge for Jesus without warning or provocation. And always remember Betty's Fourth Rule of Christianity -
"It's not supposed to make sense."
July 17, 2013
Ok, so I might have a wicked sense of humor - but this book makes me laugh out loud hysterically. Written from a very narcissistic "so close to Jesus" crusader christian.
This is very tongue in cheek, self- righteous, and not to be taken seriously -- although it could be offensive possibly to those that see a bit of themselves in Betty.
Betty's views from movies to clothing and out and out another person's behavior leaves you laughing throughout.
This is very tongue in cheek, self- righteous, and not to be taken seriously -- although it could be offensive possibly to those that see a bit of themselves in Betty.
Betty's views from movies to clothing and out and out another person's behavior leaves you laughing throughout.
June 21, 2007
Hysterical! Fun, easy read. An open-clawed, hissing swipe at right-wing fundamentalism that will leave you bursting at the seams and begging for more.
December 3, 2009
Totally irreverent and wickedly funny.
Betty's quote: So close to Jesus, I know his password.
Betty's quote: So close to Jesus, I know his password.
Read
July 30, 2011This was hilarious. Really really funny!
June 17, 2009
She stole EVERYTHING in this book from ME!
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get help and learn more about the design.