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So Hard to Say
When Frederick shows up at school, Xio is thrilled. The new boy is shy, cute, and definitely good boyfriend material. Before long, she pulls him into her lively circle of friends.
Frederick knows he should be flattered by Xio's attention. After all, she's popular, pretty, and a lot of fun. So why can't he stop thinking about Victor, the captain of the soccer team, instead?
Frederick knows he should be flattered by Xio's attention. After all, she's popular, pretty, and a lot of fun. So why can't he stop thinking about Victor, the captain of the soccer team, instead?
240 pages, Paperback
First published September 28, 2004
44 people are currently reading
5,084 people want to read
About the author
Alex Sanchez
15books858followersAlex Sanchez is the author of the Rainbow Boys trilogy of teen novels, along with The God Box, Getting It, and the Lambda Award-winning middle-grade novel So Hard to Say. His novel, Bait, won the Florida Book Award Gold Medal for YA fiction. Alex received his master’s degree in guidance and counseling from Old Dominion University and for many years worked as a youth and family counselor. His newest book is a graphic novel from DC Comics, You Brought Me the Ocean. Find out more about Alex at
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 196 reviews
February 4, 2013
To start with, I hadn't been prepared for Frederick and Xio to be quite so young, but having the young perspective was nice after the slew of high school books I've been reading. At first I found Xio to be a little annoying but then I stepped back and realised now well Alex Sanchez managed to capture a 13 year old girl's voice. Not long after that did I start remembering myself being exactly like Xio when I was 13.
To top it off, I can vouch for how realistic "So Hard to Say" is as from when I was 12-14 I was off and on dating this guy, me always more forward than him and whatnot. Now he's my gay best friend and I consider him family. (my friend is also amused that I found a fictional version of us in middle school.)
Having read "The God Box" immediately before this, I can see how Sanchez has grown as an author. That's not to say that "So hard to Say" lacking, but there is an improvement between the two books.
Maybe because the kids were younger, but I liked how it was more concentrated internally and a direct reaction of "what will people think"? Not in the adult scared they'll beat you with a baseball bat way, but more in the kiddish snubbing sort of way. It made it feel more real and less overly dramatic, like fiction tends to get. No heavy handed messages, no preaching. Just how to survive middle school, fall in love and not have people shun you. Nothing over the top (well more over the top than a 13 year old would make it anyway) so it felt realistic. I might have never smashed a lamp but I remember beating a photo with a yardstick. It made it more relatible and not just a cautionary tale or a lesson learned. Just a quiet admission. And it worked well.
To top it off, I can vouch for how realistic "So Hard to Say" is as from when I was 12-14 I was off and on dating this guy, me always more forward than him and whatnot. Now he's my gay best friend and I consider him family. (my friend is also amused that I found a fictional version of us in middle school.)
Having read "The God Box" immediately before this, I can see how Sanchez has grown as an author. That's not to say that "So hard to Say" lacking, but there is an improvement between the two books.
Maybe because the kids were younger, but I liked how it was more concentrated internally and a direct reaction of "what will people think"? Not in the adult scared they'll beat you with a baseball bat way, but more in the kiddish snubbing sort of way. It made it feel more real and less overly dramatic, like fiction tends to get. No heavy handed messages, no preaching. Just how to survive middle school, fall in love and not have people shun you. Nothing over the top (well more over the top than a 13 year old would make it anyway) so it felt realistic. I might have never smashed a lamp but I remember beating a photo with a yardstick. It made it more relatible and not just a cautionary tale or a lesson learned. Just a quiet admission. And it worked well.
March 28, 2018
I actually have a bit of a history with this book! It first caught my eye in my middle school library, when I was first starting to question my sexuality. Thinking I'd found something that could help me make sense of my feelings, I checked it out. My friends saw it in my stack of library books and read the back cover. And, of course, seeing as we were in seventh grade, they started making fun of me. I remember their words exactly: "What is this book? How-to-be-gay-101? Step one, you do this!" He then proceeded to make a thrusting motion. A couple of my other friends joined in, and I just kind of retreated into myself. Later that day I returned it to the library, without having even opened the book.
I spent the next two or three years regretting that decision.
During the spring of eighth grade, I finally admitted to myself that I might not be straight. During the summer later that year, I came out to somebody in the marching band, who I'd just made friends with. It was the first time I'd ever really talked about it. About a year and a half later, I officially came out. I had told people intermittently throughout my freshman and sophomore years of high school, but I finally decided I had the courage to admit it openly.
I think it was around that time that this book flashed back into my memory. I think back to how hastily I disposed of this book to avoid any unwanted attention. I think back to how this book may have helped me accept myself a good while before I would come to on my own. I thought about this book, and decided I had to read it.
The only problem was, I couldn't remember the title. Or the author. It was like I'd blocked it from my memory when I was a kid. But I remembered the cover, and I remembered parts of the little description on the back of the book. So I took to the internet, I scoured the "young adult" sections of libraries and bookstores, and finally I found it. And I read it.
And yeah, this book would have helped me a LOT when I was 12 years old, when I first picked it up. Hell, even reading it at 15, when I had already accepted myself for who I was, this book still helped. It was just nice to see myself represented. I'm so thankful that this book exists, even though I was too blinded by my own self-pity and undying need to be popular to fully appreciate it the first time around.
Now, if you're even still reading this, and want to know about the book itself and not my weird sob story that I ended up babbling on about for far longer than I expected to: it's another short read. The language is simple, it's definitely a book aimed at a younger audience, pre-teens and young teenagers. That being said, it's still incredibly sweet, well-written, and inclusive. On top of the queer representation, one of the main narrators is latina.
So if you're looking for something short and sweet to read, or if you're a baby gay or know a baby gay who might get something out of this, then I definitely recommend this book.
I spent the next two or three years regretting that decision.
During the spring of eighth grade, I finally admitted to myself that I might not be straight. During the summer later that year, I came out to somebody in the marching band, who I'd just made friends with. It was the first time I'd ever really talked about it. About a year and a half later, I officially came out. I had told people intermittently throughout my freshman and sophomore years of high school, but I finally decided I had the courage to admit it openly.
I think it was around that time that this book flashed back into my memory. I think back to how hastily I disposed of this book to avoid any unwanted attention. I think back to how this book may have helped me accept myself a good while before I would come to on my own. I thought about this book, and decided I had to read it.
The only problem was, I couldn't remember the title. Or the author. It was like I'd blocked it from my memory when I was a kid. But I remembered the cover, and I remembered parts of the little description on the back of the book. So I took to the internet, I scoured the "young adult" sections of libraries and bookstores, and finally I found it. And I read it.
And yeah, this book would have helped me a LOT when I was 12 years old, when I first picked it up. Hell, even reading it at 15, when I had already accepted myself for who I was, this book still helped. It was just nice to see myself represented. I'm so thankful that this book exists, even though I was too blinded by my own self-pity and undying need to be popular to fully appreciate it the first time around.
Now, if you're even still reading this, and want to know about the book itself and not my weird sob story that I ended up babbling on about for far longer than I expected to: it's another short read. The language is simple, it's definitely a book aimed at a younger audience, pre-teens and young teenagers. That being said, it's still incredibly sweet, well-written, and inclusive. On top of the queer representation, one of the main narrators is latina.
So if you're looking for something short and sweet to read, or if you're a baby gay or know a baby gay who might get something out of this, then I definitely recommend this book.
October 30, 2009
I have mixed feelings about this book. First of all, I should start by saying that by saying that I've read a few of Alex Sanchez' LBGT books for teens before, and I thought that they were great. that said, I'm a little disappointed that this one fell so far off the mark.
I can imagine that as a Latino male, Sachez probably wanted to inject more of a cultural feel into Xio, a cute, Mexican girl who narrates half of the story. however, in some moments, this "cultural" feel becomes a little overwhelming, almost giving the impression that all Mexican 13 year old girls (and boys) are highly oversexed individuals, especially in relation to their Anglo counterparts. When reading Xio's story, especially her narrations, I often felt like I should have been reading the story of a 15 or 16 year old. She's constantly obsessing over sex, boys, and making out. While I'm not saying that there aren't 13 year olds out there who aren't, what I'm trying to say is that the narrative makes it seem as though these things are the center of her existence as a character, and we never see much of her beyond this. (I also wasn't thrilled with the co-ed party where Xio's frientd stumbles out a closet after having been felt up by her boyfriend. I may sound ridiculous here, but there's no reason to give a 13 year old audience the impression that oversexualized behavios is ok at that age.)
I'm sorry to say that it was also hard to relate to Frederick. His narration was dull, and it felt so two-dimensional it was hard to empathize with him. As a counterpoint to Xio, he was almost undersexualized, in a way that made him almost seem infantile.
Not a book I'd recommend. Try any of the other Sanchez books first.
I can imagine that as a Latino male, Sachez probably wanted to inject more of a cultural feel into Xio, a cute, Mexican girl who narrates half of the story. however, in some moments, this "cultural" feel becomes a little overwhelming, almost giving the impression that all Mexican 13 year old girls (and boys) are highly oversexed individuals, especially in relation to their Anglo counterparts. When reading Xio's story, especially her narrations, I often felt like I should have been reading the story of a 15 or 16 year old. She's constantly obsessing over sex, boys, and making out. While I'm not saying that there aren't 13 year olds out there who aren't, what I'm trying to say is that the narrative makes it seem as though these things are the center of her existence as a character, and we never see much of her beyond this. (I also wasn't thrilled with the co-ed party where Xio's frientd stumbles out a closet after having been felt up by her boyfriend. I may sound ridiculous here, but there's no reason to give a 13 year old audience the impression that oversexualized behavios is ok at that age.)
I'm sorry to say that it was also hard to relate to Frederick. His narration was dull, and it felt so two-dimensional it was hard to empathize with him. As a counterpoint to Xio, he was almost undersexualized, in a way that made him almost seem infantile.
Not a book I'd recommend. Try any of the other Sanchez books first.
May 29, 2019
"Half of me thought I knew everything. But the other half of me believed I wouldn't ever know anything at all."
�So Hard to Say, P. 147
A year before the publication of James Howe's Totally Joe, which would cause significant change in people's perception of the market for a book of this kind aimed at middle-grade readers, Alex Sanchez had already written and released So Hard to Say, a story that bravely and with much emotional honesty faces issues that might not have made it to print a few years earlier. Though in many ways the idea behind So Hard to Say is similar to that of Totally Joe, Alex Sanchez has created such fresh and enduring characters of his own that there is absolutely no eclipse effect between the two books. So Hard to Say is just as relevant and original in its approach as Totally Joe, filled with surprising truths that will creep up on readers and jump out when least expected, revealing information about the ways that one thinks and acts that one might not have even considered before reading the book. There's a lot at stake for the characters in the pages of this story, and Alex Sanchez does a marvelous job of maintaining the tension of the situation so that we can never really be sure which way the scales are going to tip, as the outcome remains in doubt until the book's poignant final moments.
So Hard to Say is told as a first-person narrative that ping-pongs between Frederick, the new eighth-grader at school whose family just moved to California, and Xio (pronounced "C.O."), a lively chica whose eyes fasten on Edward as the boy she wants for herself almost immediately after seeing him for the first time. Though from completely different backgrounds and each armed with a personality that is very much their own, Frederick and Xio's stories are fairly similar in that both of them are searching for a version of happiness and acceptance, not sure what their tomorrows will bring even if their vision comes true, but willing to risk being hurt if it means a chance at contentment. Xio kind of knows what she wants as far as boys are concerned, but her uncertainty about the bigger world and her place in it seems to stem from the absence of her father, who divorced her mother years ago and now has little involvement in Xio's life. Why does he hardly ever call anymore, she wonders? Why did he go through the whole process of getting married and having a daughter if he was only going to press the eject button later on, jetting out of Xio's life and into whatever he has going on now that's obviously more important than she? As Xio continues to wrestles with how she feels about her father's absence, the advent of Frederick to her school seems to give her a chance to join her other friends in having boyfriends. What could be more appealing than a boy with Frederick's blonde hair, blue eyes and warm, gentle disposition, a boy with no prior attachments to any other girl and a quick willingness to become Xio's friend? Yes, she's really found someone special in Frederick, Xio is sure; and she has.
However, from his side of the relationship, Frederick isn't so certain about Xio. He likes her, for sure, grateful for the way that she accepted him into her close circle of friends right from the start and made those first days at the new school so easy for him. With Xio, it's as if Frederick has known her his whole life, like they fit together so naturally that it must have been predestined. They fit together almost like girlfriends, actually, a fact that Xio glosses over in her own thinking without much trouble, but which is glaringly obvious to Frederick. He can't figure out why he's not interested in Xio, though. She's the type of girl that ninety-five percent of the guys at their school would go nuts over, would jump at the chance to go out with if they thought she had an interest in them. For Frederick, though, despite the clear signals being sent out by Xio that she wants to be more than just friends, he can't get excited about the thought of having her as his girlfriend. He wonders if there might be some problem with him, especially when a few close encounters with Victor, the soccer star whom he meets up with most days to play goalie on his makeshift team after school, lead Frederick to have some unsettling thoughts about Victor that he's sure most normal boys wouldn't ever have.
The ins and outs of relationships are always complex, and we experience much of that sort of entanglement in this book, but it's the added angle of Frederick's personal confusion that really makes So Hard to Say the taut, intricately strung yarn that it is, letting us feel the weight of Frederick's secret even as he's trying to figure out for himself what it means. It's not easy to tell other people about your weaknesses, especially when you know that telling them will only invite their scorn and disgust, and certainly never draw them in to be on your side. Frederick is crossed and recrossed and crisscrossed by the mandates of his own biology betraying him, as he feels is the case, and the formative paths of his heart and mind are all urging him to go in different directions and never satisfied at how he carries out their wishes. If Frederick is this confused on the inside, think how hard it must be to try to explain it to his classmates, who can't see Frederick's internal struggles as if his heart and mind were transparent and his many crossing lines of thought laid open to observation. There's more than just Frederick's future at stake here, too. For Xio, being turned down by Frederick would be like facing rejection from another guy who, like her father, isn't interested in her. Frederick knows that he likes Xio, even if he doesn't feel any physical attraction to her, but how can he clearly explain that it's possible for him to like her without liking her when he, himself, doesn't understand the full meaning of it?
"(Y)ou're not cold and hard. You never will be. You've been hurt, that's all. And because of it, you'll probably grow to be stronger and wiser than I'll ever be. But part of being strong is learning to accept, forgive, and let go."
�So Hard to Say, P. 188
Even if we can never totally understand the inner workings of our own hearts, though, there is a safe ground to be reached, where acceptance doesn't require absolute comprehension and the sting of seared emotions can be soothed by the milk of human kindness and friendship. Because Xio and Frederick do share a connection, and there's no foundational emotion shared between the two that isn't positive, and even when times are hard and patience has worn through to its end, a foundation of friendship doesn't just go away as if it were never there. It's still a standing structure, built to be solid by the days or weeks or years of continual construction, and something that has taken time and effort to put up can never disintegrate in a moment. You can burn the structure and leave it to decay if that's what you think you want, but until then it's still going to be there, still solid and sure because that's how it was built. If you're willing, though, you can still use it again even after the hard times, as Xio and Frederick find for themselves as they try to reconnect despite all of the missed signals that have been going on between them. Their friendship is still intact, and they can make it work again, if they're both willing.
There's a lot to like about this book, from the intelligent and well-considered rhetoric of some of the characters to the wonderful freshness of the dialogue, from the narrative's low-key wisdom to the realistic responses that all of the people in the story have to the events going on around them. I love the description of what Xio imagines her first kiss with shy, sweet Frederick will be like once she finally pins him down and gets him over his relational reticence. "I bet he'd be gentle as a pony and his breath sweet as honey," she moons, already dreaming about kissing Frederick before she really gets to know him. There's also the insight that Frederick's mother shares into the reason why boys her son's age aren't always as quick as girls to pick up on hints of romance that are sent their way. She notes that common knowledge regards boys as generally reaching adolescence later than girls, which can result in a schism between desires when girls begin taking an interest in a different sort of relationship while their male counterparts are still more focused on their friendships with other boys. "And sometimes," Frederick's mother points out, "we can be disappointed when boys aren't at the same point of development as we are." There can be a drop-off in happiness, a disillusionment, a quandary of unmet expectations when we're interested in one thing and the other person isn't, and it's sometimes not about anything more than the natural ebb and flow of biology and emotions. Alex Sanchez does an excellent job of framing this in a way that I think will make real sense to readers, and perhaps provide some level of comfort for those who have felt stymied in such a situation.
So Hard to Say has much to offer anyone, not just those who might relate to the specific scenarios most noticeably addressed by the story. There's a fount of practical wisdom to soak in here, but a lot of fun to be had, as well. The characterizations are strikingly honest and skillfully defined, the writing is impressively dynamic and never fails to keep the plot moving at a fast pace, and the book's conclusion is remarkably envisioned without being unbelievable in any way. I give So Hard to Say three and a half stars all the way, and there were more than a few moments when I thought about rounding that rating up to four. Alex Sanchez is a fantastic writing talent, and I'll be sure to keep an eye out for what else he has produced. If all authors were as adept at writing for junior high students as he, I'm confident in saying that there would be no significant problem with getting kids to read.
�So Hard to Say, P. 147
A year before the publication of James Howe's Totally Joe, which would cause significant change in people's perception of the market for a book of this kind aimed at middle-grade readers, Alex Sanchez had already written and released So Hard to Say, a story that bravely and with much emotional honesty faces issues that might not have made it to print a few years earlier. Though in many ways the idea behind So Hard to Say is similar to that of Totally Joe, Alex Sanchez has created such fresh and enduring characters of his own that there is absolutely no eclipse effect between the two books. So Hard to Say is just as relevant and original in its approach as Totally Joe, filled with surprising truths that will creep up on readers and jump out when least expected, revealing information about the ways that one thinks and acts that one might not have even considered before reading the book. There's a lot at stake for the characters in the pages of this story, and Alex Sanchez does a marvelous job of maintaining the tension of the situation so that we can never really be sure which way the scales are going to tip, as the outcome remains in doubt until the book's poignant final moments.
So Hard to Say is told as a first-person narrative that ping-pongs between Frederick, the new eighth-grader at school whose family just moved to California, and Xio (pronounced "C.O."), a lively chica whose eyes fasten on Edward as the boy she wants for herself almost immediately after seeing him for the first time. Though from completely different backgrounds and each armed with a personality that is very much their own, Frederick and Xio's stories are fairly similar in that both of them are searching for a version of happiness and acceptance, not sure what their tomorrows will bring even if their vision comes true, but willing to risk being hurt if it means a chance at contentment. Xio kind of knows what she wants as far as boys are concerned, but her uncertainty about the bigger world and her place in it seems to stem from the absence of her father, who divorced her mother years ago and now has little involvement in Xio's life. Why does he hardly ever call anymore, she wonders? Why did he go through the whole process of getting married and having a daughter if he was only going to press the eject button later on, jetting out of Xio's life and into whatever he has going on now that's obviously more important than she? As Xio continues to wrestles with how she feels about her father's absence, the advent of Frederick to her school seems to give her a chance to join her other friends in having boyfriends. What could be more appealing than a boy with Frederick's blonde hair, blue eyes and warm, gentle disposition, a boy with no prior attachments to any other girl and a quick willingness to become Xio's friend? Yes, she's really found someone special in Frederick, Xio is sure; and she has.
However, from his side of the relationship, Frederick isn't so certain about Xio. He likes her, for sure, grateful for the way that she accepted him into her close circle of friends right from the start and made those first days at the new school so easy for him. With Xio, it's as if Frederick has known her his whole life, like they fit together so naturally that it must have been predestined. They fit together almost like girlfriends, actually, a fact that Xio glosses over in her own thinking without much trouble, but which is glaringly obvious to Frederick. He can't figure out why he's not interested in Xio, though. She's the type of girl that ninety-five percent of the guys at their school would go nuts over, would jump at the chance to go out with if they thought she had an interest in them. For Frederick, though, despite the clear signals being sent out by Xio that she wants to be more than just friends, he can't get excited about the thought of having her as his girlfriend. He wonders if there might be some problem with him, especially when a few close encounters with Victor, the soccer star whom he meets up with most days to play goalie on his makeshift team after school, lead Frederick to have some unsettling thoughts about Victor that he's sure most normal boys wouldn't ever have.
The ins and outs of relationships are always complex, and we experience much of that sort of entanglement in this book, but it's the added angle of Frederick's personal confusion that really makes So Hard to Say the taut, intricately strung yarn that it is, letting us feel the weight of Frederick's secret even as he's trying to figure out for himself what it means. It's not easy to tell other people about your weaknesses, especially when you know that telling them will only invite their scorn and disgust, and certainly never draw them in to be on your side. Frederick is crossed and recrossed and crisscrossed by the mandates of his own biology betraying him, as he feels is the case, and the formative paths of his heart and mind are all urging him to go in different directions and never satisfied at how he carries out their wishes. If Frederick is this confused on the inside, think how hard it must be to try to explain it to his classmates, who can't see Frederick's internal struggles as if his heart and mind were transparent and his many crossing lines of thought laid open to observation. There's more than just Frederick's future at stake here, too. For Xio, being turned down by Frederick would be like facing rejection from another guy who, like her father, isn't interested in her. Frederick knows that he likes Xio, even if he doesn't feel any physical attraction to her, but how can he clearly explain that it's possible for him to like her without liking her when he, himself, doesn't understand the full meaning of it?
"(Y)ou're not cold and hard. You never will be. You've been hurt, that's all. And because of it, you'll probably grow to be stronger and wiser than I'll ever be. But part of being strong is learning to accept, forgive, and let go."
�So Hard to Say, P. 188
Even if we can never totally understand the inner workings of our own hearts, though, there is a safe ground to be reached, where acceptance doesn't require absolute comprehension and the sting of seared emotions can be soothed by the milk of human kindness and friendship. Because Xio and Frederick do share a connection, and there's no foundational emotion shared between the two that isn't positive, and even when times are hard and patience has worn through to its end, a foundation of friendship doesn't just go away as if it were never there. It's still a standing structure, built to be solid by the days or weeks or years of continual construction, and something that has taken time and effort to put up can never disintegrate in a moment. You can burn the structure and leave it to decay if that's what you think you want, but until then it's still going to be there, still solid and sure because that's how it was built. If you're willing, though, you can still use it again even after the hard times, as Xio and Frederick find for themselves as they try to reconnect despite all of the missed signals that have been going on between them. Their friendship is still intact, and they can make it work again, if they're both willing.
There's a lot to like about this book, from the intelligent and well-considered rhetoric of some of the characters to the wonderful freshness of the dialogue, from the narrative's low-key wisdom to the realistic responses that all of the people in the story have to the events going on around them. I love the description of what Xio imagines her first kiss with shy, sweet Frederick will be like once she finally pins him down and gets him over his relational reticence. "I bet he'd be gentle as a pony and his breath sweet as honey," she moons, already dreaming about kissing Frederick before she really gets to know him. There's also the insight that Frederick's mother shares into the reason why boys her son's age aren't always as quick as girls to pick up on hints of romance that are sent their way. She notes that common knowledge regards boys as generally reaching adolescence later than girls, which can result in a schism between desires when girls begin taking an interest in a different sort of relationship while their male counterparts are still more focused on their friendships with other boys. "And sometimes," Frederick's mother points out, "we can be disappointed when boys aren't at the same point of development as we are." There can be a drop-off in happiness, a disillusionment, a quandary of unmet expectations when we're interested in one thing and the other person isn't, and it's sometimes not about anything more than the natural ebb and flow of biology and emotions. Alex Sanchez does an excellent job of framing this in a way that I think will make real sense to readers, and perhaps provide some level of comfort for those who have felt stymied in such a situation.
So Hard to Say has much to offer anyone, not just those who might relate to the specific scenarios most noticeably addressed by the story. There's a fount of practical wisdom to soak in here, but a lot of fun to be had, as well. The characterizations are strikingly honest and skillfully defined, the writing is impressively dynamic and never fails to keep the plot moving at a fast pace, and the book's conclusion is remarkably envisioned without being unbelievable in any way. I give So Hard to Say three and a half stars all the way, and there were more than a few moments when I thought about rounding that rating up to four. Alex Sanchez is a fantastic writing talent, and I'll be sure to keep an eye out for what else he has produced. If all authors were as adept at writing for junior high students as he, I'm confident in saying that there would be no significant problem with getting kids to read.
November 6, 2014
So I listened to an audiobook format of this book and I wasn't too sure what I was getting into. I looked up the cover on goodreads and initially thought, a girl and a guy from Junior High. Great. I was taken by surprise, but that's not necessarily a good thing.
Let's start by saying this: I have never dated or kissed a guy. The main female character is 13. When I was 13, I had my nose stuck in a book at all times, I rarely socialized, I honestly didn't really have many friends and even now my relations with my peers are limited and rather distant. I wore jeans and a short sleeve t shirt, and that was about as revealing as I would ever get.
Xio is the kind of person I would have despised in Junior High. She was in a group called the "sexy six" and acted like she owned the school. She came off as really ignorant, annoying and egotistical. Her narration just really got on my nerves, and I am so appalled that it's accurate.
Fredrick (listened to the book, so I don't know it that's how you spell it) felt pretty bland. I have nothing wrong with gay characters. But aside from being gay, he didn't have much depth. He neatly fell into the gay stereotype (he liked interior designing) and he was pretty boring to read from. It also annoyed me how sorry he felt for himself. "Oh, I moved and left my old friends behind and immediately made new ones." Cry me a freaking river. I've moved before and he was put into a nearly ideal situation.
These characters just appalled me. Maybe it was because my childhood consisted of books and classical music and Legos (my life still consists of all of these things) and anything even slightly promiscuous (kissing someone) is just foreign to me. But all of the drama and the labeling that I never experienced didn't allow me to properly relate to the text.
The writing wasn't all that great either. There were sentences like "I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding." Well so did every other YA character in existence. "My stomach fluttered." That sentence was original, once. "I leaned into him and could feel his ribs jiggling." I'm sorry, but if your ribs jiggle, then you have a problem.
All in all, it felt like a pretty cheap book. The cover could clue you in, but I just wasn't the slightest bit impressed. Whatever the author was trying to achieve, I don't feel like he achieved it.
Let's start by saying this: I have never dated or kissed a guy. The main female character is 13. When I was 13, I had my nose stuck in a book at all times, I rarely socialized, I honestly didn't really have many friends and even now my relations with my peers are limited and rather distant. I wore jeans and a short sleeve t shirt, and that was about as revealing as I would ever get.
Xio is the kind of person I would have despised in Junior High. She was in a group called the "sexy six" and acted like she owned the school. She came off as really ignorant, annoying and egotistical. Her narration just really got on my nerves, and I am so appalled that it's accurate.
Fredrick (listened to the book, so I don't know it that's how you spell it) felt pretty bland. I have nothing wrong with gay characters. But aside from being gay, he didn't have much depth. He neatly fell into the gay stereotype (he liked interior designing) and he was pretty boring to read from. It also annoyed me how sorry he felt for himself. "Oh, I moved and left my old friends behind and immediately made new ones." Cry me a freaking river. I've moved before and he was put into a nearly ideal situation.
These characters just appalled me. Maybe it was because my childhood consisted of books and classical music and Legos (my life still consists of all of these things) and anything even slightly promiscuous (kissing someone) is just foreign to me. But all of the drama and the labeling that I never experienced didn't allow me to properly relate to the text.
The writing wasn't all that great either. There were sentences like "I let go of a breath I didn't know I was holding." Well so did every other YA character in existence. "My stomach fluttered." That sentence was original, once. "I leaned into him and could feel his ribs jiggling." I'm sorry, but if your ribs jiggle, then you have a problem.
All in all, it felt like a pretty cheap book. The cover could clue you in, but I just wasn't the slightest bit impressed. Whatever the author was trying to achieve, I don't feel like he achieved it.
January 15, 2014
It is a positive, humorous YA novel, recommended to everyone who like realistic dramas among teenagers, characters who act like actual people instead of hopelessly love sick fools.
April 12, 2016
Although less than 300 pages, I found this book terribly hard to read. It was definitely meant for a middle-school reading level, and for me at 23 years old, I didn't feel that it translated well to other age groups.
At times, I found this book to be a little racist. Comments such as "the Mexican boys" and tidbits of sometimes improper Spanish sprinkled throughout left a bad taste in my mouth.
The only thing that I did enjoy about this book is that it incorporated the LGBT theme in the main character's story line.
I will not be recommending this book to anyone because it was a drag to read and ultimately didn't tell much of a story. Although a coming-of-age for a young gay boy (discovering himself, opening up to himself), I didn't feel like the story beyond that was very thought-out. Again, I chalk this up to it being a middle-school level fiction novel.
At times, I found this book to be a little racist. Comments such as "the Mexican boys" and tidbits of sometimes improper Spanish sprinkled throughout left a bad taste in my mouth.
The only thing that I did enjoy about this book is that it incorporated the LGBT theme in the main character's story line.
I will not be recommending this book to anyone because it was a drag to read and ultimately didn't tell much of a story. Although a coming-of-age for a young gay boy (discovering himself, opening up to himself), I didn't feel like the story beyond that was very thought-out. Again, I chalk this up to it being a middle-school level fiction novel.
April 12, 2009
This is a great book for anyone to read. It follows the day to day life of a girl who has a crush on a fellow student who is struggling with his true identity. I like the writing style when the author uses each chapter to explain the viewpoint of each character's thoughts and situations. I really fell in love with both main characters. Frederick who is struggling with his real identity is such a lost soul that you want to wrap your arms around him and make his love himself. Carman, the lively girl who loves life but still wants more is such a energetic soul you want to laugh along with her. There is no sex, violence, or language in the book that should upset the stiffest of people. A great read!
June 5, 2009
Super cute and pretty lighthearted but not overly so... this isn't David Levithan's made-up gay high school, but it's not any kind of anguished coming-out story, either. Can we just take a moment to be eternally gratefully that queer adolescent narratives have evolved beyond the days when the only way someone could be gay is if they were miserable and then died at the end? A little bit of whiteness/Latinoness is touched on... not much, but more than you'll find from most white authors. This one made me want to read Sanchez's other books but they all have such bad covers that I'm too embarrassed to take them out of the library. For serious.
January 28, 2013
So hard to say is a interesting book that makes you want to keep reading.
November 30, 2017
Middle school is hard enough, its an awkward time for everyone, now imagine being the new kid in the school. For Fredrick it wasn't too hard, although he was shy he made friends fast and soon began dating his cute, bubbly, and popular best friend Xio. Finally feeling like hes fitting in, he becomes a part of Xio's popular group of friends and though he loves hanging out with Xio and spending time with her he can't shake this feeling of confusion. He should be happy, he's got everything a guy could want - friends, popularity, a beautiful girlfriend - but he's still confused about himself. Why cant he get Victor, captain of the soccer team, off of his mind? Does he like girls or does he like boys? There's no way he likes boys!....or is there? One things for sure, he knows he doesn't like Xio the same way she likes him. But the way everyone makes fun of a fellow classmate Iggy, who they think is gay, makes Fredrick worry whether he should tell anyone about his conflicting feelings. This charming story is a great way to open up the topic of questioning sexuality and self acceptance to middle school students during a time when they are just beginning to figure out who they truly are.
July 5, 2021
Girl likes boy but boy gets butterflies about other boys, not about the girl.
This work, award winning in the LGBQ Lambda Literary circle, is short and sweet. The teen audience -the back cover says it's intended for 12 and up - will not become bored. No sirree. It is fast paced with alternating POVs of the same events. We get to read the girl's interpretation, then the boy's, back to back. In this regard, the teen readers are not stuck with an omniscient know-it-all narrator. As such the work reads like an epistolary novel in that readers know the inner turmoil of both the boy and the girl individually. It's high school Dangerous Liaisons mixed with Spanglish. Yessss!!!
Luckily the author writes other LGBQ teen novels to great reviews, so I'll need to get my paws on those. 🏳️�
This work, award winning in the LGBQ Lambda Literary circle, is short and sweet. The teen audience -the back cover says it's intended for 12 and up - will not become bored. No sirree. It is fast paced with alternating POVs of the same events. We get to read the girl's interpretation, then the boy's, back to back. In this regard, the teen readers are not stuck with an omniscient know-it-all narrator. As such the work reads like an epistolary novel in that readers know the inner turmoil of both the boy and the girl individually. It's high school Dangerous Liaisons mixed with Spanglish. Yessss!!!
Luckily the author writes other LGBQ teen novels to great reviews, so I'll need to get my paws on those. 🏳️�
September 7, 2022
This is not a romance story book. This book is just telling a kid name Frederick who thinks he's gay. Some of this are really absurd like he's attracted to Victor yet he tries to date Iggy, and the plot is cliffhanger wheter Xio will get a date or Fraderick will get a date. The ending can be better I'd say, just disappointed at the lame plot.
February 10, 2023
This was such a sweet coming-of-age story about a boy named Federick who was trying figure out his sexuality, while a girl Xio was trying to get his attention and he was crushing on a guy named Victor. Then he meets Iggy and his world changes.
November 18, 2016
Actual rating 3.5 stars.
I felt ‘So Hard to Say� was more aimed at a middle grade demographic, and in that sense, didn’t have the emotional punch I was looking for. Nor was the storyline complex. However, this novel was innocently concise and poignant. And definitely worth the read.
The narrative married perfectly with the inner voices of our protagonists Xio and Frederick. The Mexican culture that Xio brought, and the confusion and coming of age from Frederick’s story were nothing other than brilliant.
It completely captured those moments of questioning about first love, or attraction, and sexual orientation in the judgemental arena of high school. Even if you removed the aspect of Fredericks questioning his sexuality, the way he approached different friends directly translated to many friendships I had growing up � some you were friends with outside of school, some within� I liked that it showed multiple ways relationships develop throughout your childhood to teen years.
Even though it felt very innocent and stylized, it captures the issues facing our protagonists with an understated grace. This is not an angsty over dramatized account of Xio and Frederick’s life, but a great peek through their eyes with enough insight to set the scene and let you draw from your own emotions and experiences.
Xio’s inner monologue is mixed with culture and a lack of confidence that all teen girls seem to stumble through � what’s wrong with me? Why won’t he love me? I actually loved that realism about her, and her joy at embracing family and heritage.
Frederick’s life in comparison felt sparse � but you soon realise it’s on purpose. He’s distanced many parts of his life because he’s not sure about things. It was a joy to grow with him through the novel and see him fill those empty spaces, on his way to becoming the person he is meant to be.
Xio’s closing chapter was the most touching and prophetic. I’ve had sexual and gender-diverse friends all my life and can’t imagine ever not sharing our journey together. Friendship is forever � especially when the bond is more like family than someone you happened to go to school with.
I personally learnt a lot from Xio; about Mexican culture and home life. It’s not something we get a lot of exposure to here in Australia. And the fact that the language was scattered into the dialogue was fun. Even in the end pages you get a glossary of terms that I found cool.
This is my first novel from Alex Sanchez and has definitely left me wanting to pick up more of his titles. They are short enough with a light writing style that lends to being able to complete in a day. A great book to give to a younger teen. It was educational, insightful and a cute contemporary. I’d recommend this to lovers of contemporary, diversity and simple love/friendships that can resound with you long after reading. It was certainly a pleasant surprise for me.
I felt ‘So Hard to Say� was more aimed at a middle grade demographic, and in that sense, didn’t have the emotional punch I was looking for. Nor was the storyline complex. However, this novel was innocently concise and poignant. And definitely worth the read.
The narrative married perfectly with the inner voices of our protagonists Xio and Frederick. The Mexican culture that Xio brought, and the confusion and coming of age from Frederick’s story were nothing other than brilliant.
It completely captured those moments of questioning about first love, or attraction, and sexual orientation in the judgemental arena of high school. Even if you removed the aspect of Fredericks questioning his sexuality, the way he approached different friends directly translated to many friendships I had growing up � some you were friends with outside of school, some within� I liked that it showed multiple ways relationships develop throughout your childhood to teen years.
Even though it felt very innocent and stylized, it captures the issues facing our protagonists with an understated grace. This is not an angsty over dramatized account of Xio and Frederick’s life, but a great peek through their eyes with enough insight to set the scene and let you draw from your own emotions and experiences.
Xio’s inner monologue is mixed with culture and a lack of confidence that all teen girls seem to stumble through � what’s wrong with me? Why won’t he love me? I actually loved that realism about her, and her joy at embracing family and heritage.
Frederick’s life in comparison felt sparse � but you soon realise it’s on purpose. He’s distanced many parts of his life because he’s not sure about things. It was a joy to grow with him through the novel and see him fill those empty spaces, on his way to becoming the person he is meant to be.
Xio’s closing chapter was the most touching and prophetic. I’ve had sexual and gender-diverse friends all my life and can’t imagine ever not sharing our journey together. Friendship is forever � especially when the bond is more like family than someone you happened to go to school with.
I personally learnt a lot from Xio; about Mexican culture and home life. It’s not something we get a lot of exposure to here in Australia. And the fact that the language was scattered into the dialogue was fun. Even in the end pages you get a glossary of terms that I found cool.
This is my first novel from Alex Sanchez and has definitely left me wanting to pick up more of his titles. They are short enough with a light writing style that lends to being able to complete in a day. A great book to give to a younger teen. It was educational, insightful and a cute contemporary. I’d recommend this to lovers of contemporary, diversity and simple love/friendships that can resound with you long after reading. It was certainly a pleasant surprise for me.
June 12, 2019
I think Alex Sanchez was the first author I read who wrote books about gay characters. I read his Rainbow Boys trilogy first and read all his other books after. My biggest quip about his work is that - with few exceptions, this being one of them - all of Sanchez's books really follow the same plot structure. This, being a middle grade book, is different and so when I was cleaning out my shelves, this one survived the unhaul.
This book is a quick and easy read and, for a middle grade, I think it touches on important topics about self-acceptance. This also has a pretty balanced set of protagonists. Xio especially feels very real and Sanchez really nailed her voice. Frederick is a slightly weaker character, but he carries the plot so I guess that can be forgiven.
I feel like Sanchez actually paints a pretty bleak worldview though, and this is reflected in the open ending. Throughout the book we see gay people bullied and called slurs - hence Frederick's fears about the possibility he is gay - and so the lack of ending is really the only way this book can end without getting sad. Frederick stands up for Iggy, a classmate who is rumored to be gay (well, he is, but he's not out, but everyone bullies him for being gay) and basically everyone in Frederick's social circle gets down on him except for Victor and Xio. So we get an ending where we don't know what really happens as a result of that, in addition Xio never phones her dad to ask her own questions about his sexuality, and so we're left with some blanks at the end of the book. I get it - I think the reality Sanchez painted is just too bleak to get into it while trying to have an uplifting book - but I definitely don't enjoy the ending as a reader.
There's also a lot of obsolete tech references in this book. Not really its fault, it just didn't age well.
This book is a quick and easy read and, for a middle grade, I think it touches on important topics about self-acceptance. This also has a pretty balanced set of protagonists. Xio especially feels very real and Sanchez really nailed her voice. Frederick is a slightly weaker character, but he carries the plot so I guess that can be forgiven.
I feel like Sanchez actually paints a pretty bleak worldview though, and this is reflected in the open ending. Throughout the book we see gay people bullied and called slurs - hence Frederick's fears about the possibility he is gay - and so the lack of ending is really the only way this book can end without getting sad. Frederick stands up for Iggy, a classmate who is rumored to be gay (well, he is, but he's not out, but everyone bullies him for being gay) and basically everyone in Frederick's social circle gets down on him except for Victor and Xio. So we get an ending where we don't know what really happens as a result of that, in addition Xio never phones her dad to ask her own questions about his sexuality, and so we're left with some blanks at the end of the book. I get it - I think the reality Sanchez painted is just too bleak to get into it while trying to have an uplifting book - but I definitely don't enjoy the ending as a reader.
There's also a lot of obsolete tech references in this book. Not really its fault, it just didn't age well.
July 29, 2009
THIS REVIEW HALFWAY CONTAINS SPOILERS!! (basically it's me talking about the characters but there are a few things you could glean from this that might be considered spoilers, though they're small. but if you're supersensitive about stuff like that, then don't freak out and read it.)
oh my gosh. Xio is SO crazy and a little delusional all because she tells herself he's shy due to his cancerousness. no WONDER she got into that mess, she just didn't get it!!
and Frederick...kindof a waste of a nice guy. but personally i think it's a CHOICE not a gene or how he was made or whatever. if Xio isn't the girl for him, he should just wait for the right girl to come along!!
also Frederick's absolute cluelessness was horrible!!! how stupid can someone be?? particularly in the hand-holding scene.
and really i dont believe Frederick because it was only Victor, not a lot of guys. he's jumping to conclusions because of two people when he really lacks A LOT of experience on all fronts.
overall the book was kindof overdramatic but still not bad (i read it all in one day, so i guess it was alright!). soem of the cahracters were a little over the top. especially las seis because their characters were so distinctly straghtforward. i mean, yes, there are people who fit one stereotype perfectly, but six people all togehter? most people are a mix of stuff. but i guess the book was too short and those ladies too unimportant to be that thoroughly developed as characters.
oh my gosh. Xio is SO crazy and a little delusional all because she tells herself he's shy due to his cancerousness. no WONDER she got into that mess, she just didn't get it!!
and Frederick...kindof a waste of a nice guy. but personally i think it's a CHOICE not a gene or how he was made or whatever. if Xio isn't the girl for him, he should just wait for the right girl to come along!!
also Frederick's absolute cluelessness was horrible!!! how stupid can someone be?? particularly in the hand-holding scene.
and really i dont believe Frederick because it was only Victor, not a lot of guys. he's jumping to conclusions because of two people when he really lacks A LOT of experience on all fronts.
overall the book was kindof overdramatic but still not bad (i read it all in one day, so i guess it was alright!). soem of the cahracters were a little over the top. especially las seis because their characters were so distinctly straghtforward. i mean, yes, there are people who fit one stereotype perfectly, but six people all togehter? most people are a mix of stuff. but i guess the book was too short and those ladies too unimportant to be that thoroughly developed as characters.
December 23, 2008
My favorite character of this book is Carmen,and Xio. They are my favorite character because each one of them have different personality. First, Carmen is the type of girl that is not shy on asking or telling people what other thing about them. For example, she asked Frederick if he was gay and he stay shut and she didn't feel like it was a bad moment to ask. Another funny thing about Carmen is that she has this boyfriend his name is Victor and she saw him in the mall holding a girls hand. Then she got mad and stop talking to him but at the same time she would talk all day in lunch about him. Now the reason I like Xio character is because she was in love with Frederick but she was noticing that he wasn't. So she asked him and it was because he was gay.:(
Carmen= Not shy
Xio= shy,nice,smart, and in love.
I would so recommend this book to anyone. :D
Carmen= Not shy
Xio= shy,nice,smart, and in love.
I would so recommend this book to anyone. :D
October 13, 2012
I really loved this book. This book is about 2 main characters. I really like how in each chapter, the point of view changes from character to character.
A new boy named Frederick moves into Xio's school and she really likes Frederick. But soon Frederick sees this boy in the school who turns out to be homosexual . After Frederick really meets this boy,Frederick is not so sure about himself anymore. When Xio realizes she likes Frederick ,she starts making "moves". But now Frederick doesn't know what to do.
This book is full of drama and if you'll read it, you will be dying for more. I recommend this book to anyone who is DramaCrazy!!!!
A new boy named Frederick moves into Xio's school and she really likes Frederick. But soon Frederick sees this boy in the school who turns out to be homosexual . After Frederick really meets this boy,Frederick is not so sure about himself anymore. When Xio realizes she likes Frederick ,she starts making "moves". But now Frederick doesn't know what to do.
This book is full of drama and if you'll read it, you will be dying for more. I recommend this book to anyone who is DramaCrazy!!!!
June 22, 2015
Alex Sanchez did a fabulous job again. Surprised? Nah, I don't think so. He's one of my all time favorite author and most of his books are masterpieces. No wonder why this book got me into doing nothingness except for spending time listening to its audio book. Over 5 hours in one day? Mission accomplished. So Hard To Say is beautifully-written, heart-warming, sweet humorous and awe. I laughed throughout the audio, which makes today is undoubtedly an enjoyable day. This book is also the first book I give five out of five stars in this 2015. You should read it. Highly highly recommended.
August 24, 2016
Really 4.5. Simple, but very sweet. It would be lower if it had been written in 2015 instead of 2004, but as gay YA from a decade ago, I'm impressed. Relatedly, I think I like Alex Sanchez better when he's writing for a younger audience.
March 19, 2022
Tw: homophobia, use of slurs
A book about a boy learning about himself and discovering it’s okay to be who he was born to be, with the help of some good friends. Also, points for the poc representation in this book readers didn’t get in his Rainbow Boys trilogy. I love hearing about Mexican foods.
A book about a boy learning about himself and discovering it’s okay to be who he was born to be, with the help of some good friends. Also, points for the poc representation in this book readers didn’t get in his Rainbow Boys trilogy. I love hearing about Mexican foods.
January 28, 2013
So Hard To Say is a interesting book that keeps you reading. There are some weird parts though�
July 22, 2019
Um!
SO HARD TO SAY is another quick and nice coming-of-age about Federico (just go with it), a teribbley confused transfer kid from Wisconsin to a new American-Mexican school in the USA. Then he become quicly part of a group of kids, when the extremely popular girl, Xio, falls for him hardly, while he discovers his true identity knowing Victor, the great jock.
I had some issues with it. Firstly, I believe ŷ should have mention this is all about thirteen-year-all kids, so I would know this is mostly a children's book! I have no particular problem with it, just was not prepared to read at the first page the usual whining of a normal thirteen year old girl, who loves nothing but chocolate, boys and her mom.
Secondly, it was so much corny. At the end I start to realize this is actually a daughter coming-of-age beside her mother. I really did not care much of their relationship, I have enough of it at home in real life. At the same time I felt like Xio's crisis with her father's leaving to San Fransisco pretty much dragged and goes nowhere. This Xio girl was of a big time drama queen.
It also crossed my mind that the ending of the story felt to me like a brand new start. It was an illusion, as if the true story starts now: Federico knows who he wants and Xio becomes his truly best friend. Iggy becomes kinda Federico's partner, or boyfriend, and Victor knows the truth, but chooses Federico over it. Now this is the most interesting point - what will happen to them?
I also found it bizzare and unacceptable Victor just goes around and throw Federico over his bed playfully, but he is also completely straight. Straight people do not do that to their straight friends. Unless you act differently in their Mexican culture, or Victor is just so unique.
There were also things I liked! For example, I always love to read and learn about new culture. With all the spanish, the names and the settings, I found it absolutely special and beautiful. I also liked the fact the author did not go around, he just wrote about what is important. I loved the characters at a whole, you cannot deny the fact Xio is extremely changing and becomes a big girl, maybe bigger than me. I liked Federico, he was okay, however it was hard to me to understand why everyone adores him, he was kinda boring. My most beloved character was probably Victor, at first he seems like a total dork, untill you learn he treats his grandfather peacefuly. It was pretty touching. He also defended Federico, although most people his age would not do that.
At a whole, a nice children book about coming-of-age and friendships. Would recommend to anyone who has the time to something not really new, but pretty refreshing.
SO HARD TO SAY is another quick and nice coming-of-age about Federico (just go with it), a teribbley confused transfer kid from Wisconsin to a new American-Mexican school in the USA. Then he become quicly part of a group of kids, when the extremely popular girl, Xio, falls for him hardly, while he discovers his true identity knowing Victor, the great jock.
I had some issues with it. Firstly, I believe ŷ should have mention this is all about thirteen-year-all kids, so I would know this is mostly a children's book! I have no particular problem with it, just was not prepared to read at the first page the usual whining of a normal thirteen year old girl, who loves nothing but chocolate, boys and her mom.
Secondly, it was so much corny. At the end I start to realize this is actually a daughter coming-of-age beside her mother. I really did not care much of their relationship, I have enough of it at home in real life. At the same time I felt like Xio's crisis with her father's leaving to San Fransisco pretty much dragged and goes nowhere. This Xio girl was of a big time drama queen.
It also crossed my mind that the ending of the story felt to me like a brand new start. It was an illusion, as if the true story starts now: Federico knows who he wants and Xio becomes his truly best friend. Iggy becomes kinda Federico's partner, or boyfriend, and Victor knows the truth, but chooses Federico over it. Now this is the most interesting point - what will happen to them?
I also found it bizzare and unacceptable Victor just goes around and throw Federico over his bed playfully, but he is also completely straight. Straight people do not do that to their straight friends. Unless you act differently in their Mexican culture, or Victor is just so unique.
There were also things I liked! For example, I always love to read and learn about new culture. With all the spanish, the names and the settings, I found it absolutely special and beautiful. I also liked the fact the author did not go around, he just wrote about what is important. I loved the characters at a whole, you cannot deny the fact Xio is extremely changing and becomes a big girl, maybe bigger than me. I liked Federico, he was okay, however it was hard to me to understand why everyone adores him, he was kinda boring. My most beloved character was probably Victor, at first he seems like a total dork, untill you learn he treats his grandfather peacefuly. It was pretty touching. He also defended Federico, although most people his age would not do that.
At a whole, a nice children book about coming-of-age and friendships. Would recommend to anyone who has the time to something not really new, but pretty refreshing.
November 3, 2021
So Hard To Say features two protagonists who switch off narrating duties every other chapter: Xio, a 13-year-old Mexican-American girl and Frederick, a white boy of the same age. Xio is a straight as they come and sets her sights on Frederick as soon as he shows up as the new kid (formerly of Wisconsin) in her mostly LatinX Southern California middle school. Frederick appreciates her friendship but isn’t really sure if he likes her “that way�, especially since tall, athletic Victor with whom he plays soccer every afternoon is so much more� interesting.
Based on the cover art and reviews of Sanchez’s other novels, most of which feature older teens, I was expecting So Hard To Say to be somewhat soapier and maybe even trashier than the other LGBT middle grades novels I have read. And in a way it was. The eighth graders here definitely felt more realistic and less Disneyfied than in the classmates of Rahul or Nate or Alan Cole. But there is still a pretty jarring double standard. There are multiple opposite sex kisses described in slobbery detail, as well as a couple references to somewhat heavier petting involving straight couples. Meanwhile, there is exactly one same sex kiss that doesn’t happen until the last thirty pages of the book.
It’s not really the asymmetry in what the straight and gay characters get to do that frustrates me so much as the asymmetry in what they get to feel. Though they are ostensibly co-tagonists, Xio gets a lot more agency than Frederick does. Despite her doomed crush on Frederick that causes her a pretty big dollop (by middle school standards) of pain, she actually gets to spend the book pursuing while Frederick spends most of his chapters just stewing. While that disparity of opportunity for young straight and gay teens looking for their first romance is probably a real thing, part of the value of representation in kidlit is giving LGBT teens a hopeful model of what that romance might look like when it happens. I’m still looking for the book that is willing to introduce a gay teen couple at the beginning or in the middle rather than at the end and actually spend some time with them.
Based on the cover art and reviews of Sanchez’s other novels, most of which feature older teens, I was expecting So Hard To Say to be somewhat soapier and maybe even trashier than the other LGBT middle grades novels I have read. And in a way it was. The eighth graders here definitely felt more realistic and less Disneyfied than in the classmates of Rahul or Nate or Alan Cole. But there is still a pretty jarring double standard. There are multiple opposite sex kisses described in slobbery detail, as well as a couple references to somewhat heavier petting involving straight couples. Meanwhile, there is exactly one same sex kiss that doesn’t happen until the last thirty pages of the book.
It’s not really the asymmetry in what the straight and gay characters get to do that frustrates me so much as the asymmetry in what they get to feel. Though they are ostensibly co-tagonists, Xio gets a lot more agency than Frederick does. Despite her doomed crush on Frederick that causes her a pretty big dollop (by middle school standards) of pain, she actually gets to spend the book pursuing while Frederick spends most of his chapters just stewing. While that disparity of opportunity for young straight and gay teens looking for their first romance is probably a real thing, part of the value of representation in kidlit is giving LGBT teens a hopeful model of what that romance might look like when it happens. I’m still looking for the book that is willing to introduce a gay teen couple at the beginning or in the middle rather than at the end and actually spend some time with them.
July 10, 2017
So Hard to Say has this thing that is lamely true for most of the gay people on the world. This feelings that Frederick had reminded me so much of me... because I went through the same. Boys caught too much my attention, more than girls. But, I always had more girl friends than boy friends.
Frequently I had those mixed-up feelings that confused me. And this reality of what Frederick went through is what really happens.
It's hard and scary when you realize, and Frederick had the strength to come out soon, before the thing gets all over him. And realizing at a young age was better then becoming on a Xios' papi (if he actually was gay, she never called him, >:c)
Xio had to go through all this feelings and things because their fathers divorce. In all the world, this has spread to become a lot of teenagers and families reality, because it's very common that parents divorce or split up. But worst of all is when you lost contact with them, and never know why they left.
Xio and Frederick, during the story and because of what they've been through, grow up in some important aspects of life- friendship, love, parenting, sexuality and others teenage topics.
The story manages to go through your heart and mind and keeps you thinking about how rude people can be when it comes to sexuality, and the things thay clearly, your parents teach you and how society is made for people to bully other people that is different- just to feel better themselves for not being queer, black or anything else.
This book is definitely a must-read for all teenagers and see through a kid that it's scared by others reaction and the bullies for being gay. And, how friendship can go through everything and how love can make you go insane.
Frequently I had those mixed-up feelings that confused me. And this reality of what Frederick went through is what really happens.
It's hard and scary when you realize, and Frederick had the strength to come out soon, before the thing gets all over him. And realizing at a young age was better then becoming on a Xios' papi (if he actually was gay, she never called him, >:c)
Xio had to go through all this feelings and things because their fathers divorce. In all the world, this has spread to become a lot of teenagers and families reality, because it's very common that parents divorce or split up. But worst of all is when you lost contact with them, and never know why they left.
Xio and Frederick, during the story and because of what they've been through, grow up in some important aspects of life- friendship, love, parenting, sexuality and others teenage topics.
The story manages to go through your heart and mind and keeps you thinking about how rude people can be when it comes to sexuality, and the things thay clearly, your parents teach you and how society is made for people to bully other people that is different- just to feel better themselves for not being queer, black or anything else.
This book is definitely a must-read for all teenagers and see through a kid that it's scared by others reaction and the bullies for being gay. And, how friendship can go through everything and how love can make you go insane.
June 13, 2022
This was a really cute middle grade read. I thought that Frederick and Xio’s character types were spot on with the age demographic. Middle school kids have a lot of stuff going on in their minds and I think Sanchez did a beautiful job of capturing that innocence while depicting the development of their minds, slipping in and out of more mature content.
I thought that Federick‘s character was pretty relatable. He is a new kid in a new school and he’s trying to make friends but it’s hard. It’s always hard as a kid to make new friends. And he’s very concerned with how he is perceived because he wants to fit in with the crowd. I thought it was very real and very painful when Sanchez describes how Frederick sees that Iggy is getting picked on and doesn’t do anything about it, even though he knows it’s wrong. That scene in itself captures what it is to be a middle school boy. I also thought the way it was going to end for Frederick’s story was going to be different but I’m content with how it ended.
Now for Xio� she is everything that I have seen and expect out of the middle school girl: she is so wrapped up in her friend group and in getting a boyfriend. It ends up becoming her entire identity. Which, it’s so true for most middle school kids. She’s also not super confident and wants to be perceived well by her peers but she also has her own stuff at home that she’s trying to deal with and that will help her move forward in becoming a more confident young girl.
This book didn’t end up falling a little flat for me in regards to the storytelling aspect but I do feel that it is a good level for middle school children. The themes aren’t inappropriate and there are a couple sweet kisses that made me go, “Aww, that’s nice.� But overall, a decent read.
I thought that Federick‘s character was pretty relatable. He is a new kid in a new school and he’s trying to make friends but it’s hard. It’s always hard as a kid to make new friends. And he’s very concerned with how he is perceived because he wants to fit in with the crowd. I thought it was very real and very painful when Sanchez describes how Frederick sees that Iggy is getting picked on and doesn’t do anything about it, even though he knows it’s wrong. That scene in itself captures what it is to be a middle school boy. I also thought the way it was going to end for Frederick’s story was going to be different but I’m content with how it ended.
Now for Xio� she is everything that I have seen and expect out of the middle school girl: she is so wrapped up in her friend group and in getting a boyfriend. It ends up becoming her entire identity. Which, it’s so true for most middle school kids. She’s also not super confident and wants to be perceived well by her peers but she also has her own stuff at home that she’s trying to deal with and that will help her move forward in becoming a more confident young girl.
This book didn’t end up falling a little flat for me in regards to the storytelling aspect but I do feel that it is a good level for middle school children. The themes aren’t inappropriate and there are a couple sweet kisses that made me go, “Aww, that’s nice.� But overall, a decent read.
April 1, 2024
So Hard to Say (Hardcover) by Alex Sanchez
María Xiomara (Xio) Iris Juárez Hidalgo is a 13 y/o Latina girl at San Cayetano Middle Scool in Los Angeles. She's in eighth grade. Her mother, Raquel Hidalgo is a single mother and Xio has a younger brother, Esteban (Stevie) Jesús Francisco Juárez Hidalgo who's seven years younger.
As school begins, a new boy, Frederick sits next to her. The new boy has no pen and Xio gives him one. They become friends.
Frederick moved from Eau Clair, Wisconsin to Los Angeles because his father got a new job. Frederick helps pick their new home and also decorate it.
Frederick is shy and sits alone in school. So Xio and "Las sexy seis," her girlfriends Nora (brainy), Maria (conscience), Josefina (the jock - called lesbian), and Xio's best friend, Carmen - the sexy one - decide to sit with Frederick. They all become friends. Xio is hot for Frederick, so she tries hard to be his girlfriend.
Meanwhile, Frederick admires the tall jock - Victor - who entices Frederick to join the soccer team. Because Frederick is asthmatic, he ends up playing goalie and he's very good at it.
There is a boy in the school - Ignacio (Iggy) García who everyone ridicules because they all think he's gay. But Frederick realizes that he's not straight because when he kisses Xio, he thinks of Victor.
How to come to terms with the dilemma. Is he gay? Does he need to tell Xio, Iggy, and the rest of the people in school?
This is a beautifully narrated coming-of-age story for young adults. It's narrated from Xio and Frederick's first-person point of view. It reads in an hour or so and I highly recommend it!
María Xiomara (Xio) Iris Juárez Hidalgo is a 13 y/o Latina girl at San Cayetano Middle Scool in Los Angeles. She's in eighth grade. Her mother, Raquel Hidalgo is a single mother and Xio has a younger brother, Esteban (Stevie) Jesús Francisco Juárez Hidalgo who's seven years younger.
As school begins, a new boy, Frederick sits next to her. The new boy has no pen and Xio gives him one. They become friends.
Frederick moved from Eau Clair, Wisconsin to Los Angeles because his father got a new job. Frederick helps pick their new home and also decorate it.
Frederick is shy and sits alone in school. So Xio and "Las sexy seis," her girlfriends Nora (brainy), Maria (conscience), Josefina (the jock - called lesbian), and Xio's best friend, Carmen - the sexy one - decide to sit with Frederick. They all become friends. Xio is hot for Frederick, so she tries hard to be his girlfriend.
Meanwhile, Frederick admires the tall jock - Victor - who entices Frederick to join the soccer team. Because Frederick is asthmatic, he ends up playing goalie and he's very good at it.
There is a boy in the school - Ignacio (Iggy) García who everyone ridicules because they all think he's gay. But Frederick realizes that he's not straight because when he kisses Xio, he thinks of Victor.
How to come to terms with the dilemma. Is he gay? Does he need to tell Xio, Iggy, and the rest of the people in school?
This is a beautifully narrated coming-of-age story for young adults. It's narrated from Xio and Frederick's first-person point of view. It reads in an hour or so and I highly recommend it!
December 1, 2017
Being able to be open up about your sexual orientation is important, especially during middle school where you are no longer in elementary and before you enter high school. Fredrick was the new boy in town that Xio really liked. She is very supportive, understanding, passionate, popular, and talkative which helped Fredrick get comfortable in the new school. Xio invites Fredrick to her lunch table and he is introduced to all of her friends. She does not treat anyone differently because of their sexual orientation besides when Fredrick told her that he was gay. Why would she not be okay with that but be okay if someone else was? Xio adored Fredrick and once he came out and kept it a secret, she couldn’t tell him the way she felt about him all along. Entering middle school is difficult since it’s like a transition time. Sometimes it is better to let others know things about you instead of bottling something inside of you because eventually it may get to you. During middle school and early high school, many teenagers get to know their sexual orientation and get familiar with it so a book like this or one with a similar story line is important to introduce anywhere between a 6th grade to 9th grade classroom and as a teacher, explain to the students that it is okay to be different and that there are support systems in the school alone.
September 23, 2021
3 stars. I’d say it was an average book but still recommendable. It’s a pretty easy and fast read, I read it in less than 24 hours.
I think this book had a fun tone, likable characters, and good “self discovery� plot. I only had a couple problems with it, mainly being that they were THIRTEEN but the characters felt like horny high schoolers. I would go with the flow until I’d remember that they were thirteen and would instantly get annoyed at the characters know-it-all attitude.
The second issue I had was (without spoiling), with Fredrick, it seemed like it was showing you Fredricks story was going one way and it ended up� not? It’s like you’re so excited to eat your birthday cake and you’re shown a picture of the birthday cake everyday before your birthday then when your birthday comes�. You get a pie instead??? People that read the book would probably know what I mean haha, or I hope so? Like I thought it would be romance or some kind of reveal but the author just kept it at him discovering himself but made us believe there was potential?
Overall I’d say the book is a good read but underwhelming. So I’d recommend it to someone who just wants a simple read.
I think this book had a fun tone, likable characters, and good “self discovery� plot. I only had a couple problems with it, mainly being that they were THIRTEEN but the characters felt like horny high schoolers. I would go with the flow until I’d remember that they were thirteen and would instantly get annoyed at the characters know-it-all attitude.
The second issue I had was (without spoiling), with Fredrick, it seemed like it was showing you Fredricks story was going one way and it ended up� not? It’s like you’re so excited to eat your birthday cake and you’re shown a picture of the birthday cake everyday before your birthday then when your birthday comes�. You get a pie instead??? People that read the book would probably know what I mean haha, or I hope so? Like I thought it would be romance or some kind of reveal but the author just kept it at him discovering himself but made us believe there was potential?
Overall I’d say the book is a good read but underwhelming. So I’d recommend it to someone who just wants a simple read.
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