"This book is underwhelming AS FUCK.

I'll probably be damned for saying this but screw sugar-coating. This book makes me so angry.

Uprooted is one of those books with a pretty outside look full of sweet promises. Yes, sweet and yet they're EMPTY promises. The book covers scream 'BUY ME NOW OR REGRET IT FOR ALL ETERNITY' and the synopsis is so vague to the point of mystery. It lead me in to having such sky high expectations only later that I have those expectations thrown back into my fucking face.

The beginning of the story started out really nicely in a whimsical fairytale sort of way. I thought this will be the next best thing to add into my Favourites shelf. But by the time I reached past 5 - 8% I had already lose my interest and started to wish that I had never, ever bothered with this.

How I pretty much sum up the book:

ONE STAR to character developments. I cannot stand any of them. Nearly all of them are as flat as a cardboard cutout. None experienced huge break throughs and if they did, it did not show in the book. The characters are none I can connect with and none I could care less about.

My biggest pet peeves is that Agnieszka suffers a huge case of Special Snowflake Syndrome. She's been picked by The Dragon (who isn't an actual dragon or even a shapeshifter, to my disappointment) out of the blue because she has magical powers. Oh and somehow out of other people, she can survive longer in the Woods.

"You’ve been inexpressibly lucky,” he [The Dragon/Sarkan] said finally. “And inexpressibly mad, although in your case the two seem to be the same thing. No one has gone into the Wood as deep as you and come out whole: not since—” He halted, and I somehow knew without his saying her name that it was Jaga: that Jaga had walked in the Wood, and come out again.'

*exasperated sigh*

ONE STAR to the ridiculous magic system. Not only is it ridiculous but it is FLAWED. This is probably just my personal preference but Magic comes with a price and in this case, once you magick something it only drains you bit by bit. It's hardly any price to pay. Some of the characters in the book are sorcerers/witches and they cast spells to make magic. Magic spells with IMPOSSIBLE ways to pronounce.

"Zokinen valisu, akenezh hinisu, kozhonen valisu.”

"Ulozishtus sovjenta, megiot kozhor, ulozishtus megiot,”

..... I dont know about you but that all goes 'agskdfsfvslmvdgwddnlkgsljkl' in my head. I refuse to even read the spells properly. I legit have no idea just how Novik expected her readers to read that.

ONE STAR for the writing that is so messy, mediocre and tedious to read. Yes, tedious. It's all tilted to TELLING instead of SHOWING. I also have to endure paragraphs upon paragraphs of useless, unnecessary descriptions. I got so fucking bored I nearly fall dead asleep. There was nothing spectacular about the way Novik writes.

ONE STAR to the non-existent chemistry between the Dragon and Agnieszka. It was bullshit. ZERO STAR to the love interest. If there's one thing I really hate, it's romance revolving around verbal and physical abuses. I swear, verbal abusing Agnieszka is the only language the Dragon knows how to speak in.

First of all, he insulted her appearances.

"The dirtiest thing in this tower is you," he said - true but unkind anyway.

annnnd another jab of insult...

"I do recall the girl neither horse-faced nor a slovenly mess."

Yes, he just described her as 'horse-faced' to which Agnieszka retorted....

"Then you needn't keep me!" I flared, angry and wounded - horse-faced stung.

Yet she still fucking fall for him anyway :-))

Oh wait, there's more. The Dragon also insulted her by calling her an idiot every steps of the way. About more than THREE times in the book.

More cases of abuse he showed the MC:

'He was irritated with me every time I came into his library, even on the few days that I managed to keep myself in good order: as though I were coming to annoy and interrupt him, instead of him tormenting and using me. And when he had finished working his magic through me and left me crumpled on the floor, he would scowl down at me and call me useless'

He insulted her plain ways of dressing and forced her to re-dress for HIM in fancy gowns by using magic (which wears out Agnieszka a lot). In the end, she had to crawl on her knees and hands. Yes, he made her CRAWL back up to her own tower, exhausted.

Why the fuck would you bother with the way she dressed up herself? Sarkan, you motherfucking creep.

He called her intolerable and crazy in one sentence and then he kissed her. This is only the first kiss.

"You intolerable lunatic,” he snarled at me, and then he caught my face between his hands and kissed me.

AWWW. ISN'T THAT JUST SO SWEET, AND SO FUCKING ROMANTIC?!?!?! WOW. I THINK I JUST DIED FROM SWOONING MY SOCKS OFF OVER THIS INSUFFERABLE JACKASS.

The sex scene between them both happened out of nowhere and it was sooooo fucking unnecessary. It was like the book decided to throw in a little spice to their almost non-existent relationship. I got so baffled that Agnieszka would throw away her maidenhood over Sarkan whose behaviour do not even fucking improve afterwards.

The fact that many gushed over The Dragon disturbed me. This dude is abusive. ABUSE IS NOT ROMANTIC. Verbal or physical otherwise. STOP THIS SHIT, AUTHORS. Place yourself in Agnieszka's shoes. Put more imaginations on how YOU would feel if you were being treated like all those ways I pointed out.

This one treatment to Agnieszka is particularly the most terrible Sarkan had pulled out of his sleeve.

'He was on me in an instant, thrusting me flat down against my pillows. "So," he said, silkily, his hand pressed down upon my collarbone, pinning me easily to the bed . . . I was terrified . . . He shoved me hard against the bed and bent low.
"Don't dare lie to me!" he hissed. "I will tear the truth out of your throat-" his fingers were resting on my neck; his leg was on the bed, between mine.'

How about you go fuck yourself, Sarkan?


20 August 2020

I wrote this review 5 years ago at the age of 17. I don't think my opinion of this book has ever changed. I still do maintain my stance as to why I thoroughly disliked reading this book, but now that I'm at a much older age than I was before, I'd like to give a disclaimer to not let the extreme profanities my 17-year-old self had wrote to translate through your opinion of the story, characters, etc.

I do plan to edit this review some time later in the near future (hopefully whenever I get into the critical reviewing headspace) rewriting it into a more coherent and concise review. But for now, I'll just leave this little note.

Stay safe during this pandemic, everyone. Keep reading magical stuffs.

"