ŷ������

All Emmie wants is to break free. Recruitment will give her the chance.

Seventeen-year-old Emmie Woodard has lived a controlled life. The city of River Springs—run by Infinity Corp—makes all her choices for her. What to wear, what to eat, how to act, and her future in the city. They’ve stripped everyone of what makes them unique, so they’re basically cardboard cutouts, living in a bubble.

Every year, Infinity Corp holds Recruitment, a series of physical, mental, and emotional challenges to see where Recruits will fall in society for the rest of their life. Emmie reluctantly enters, knowing it’s her only option. She pushes back during Recruitment, refusing to be the society’s puppet.

But after a few near-death experiences, she realizes Infinity Corp wants her dead, and not just because of her rebellious attitude. If Emmie wants to live, she’ll have to uncover the society’s secret, stop the leaders of Infinity Corp, and find a way to break free from her bubble.

Recruits is the first novel in the New Haven Series, a thrilling dystopian, filled with suspense, romance, action, and betrayal. For fans of science fiction and adventure.

Rone Cover Design Award Finalist

Reader’s Favorite 5-star Review: “I would highly recommend Recruits to fans of dystopian fiction, high octane conceptual thrillers, and YA readers and enthusiasts everywhere.��

“As far as YA dystopian novels go, this one hits all the right dots: a heroine readers can relate to, a well-built dystopian society with its own rules and traits, a heart-stopping romance, a fast-paced plot and enough mystery to keep the reader turning the pages.”��InD’Tale Magazine

Amazon:

After the war of 2098, the United States is a chaotic mess. Terrorism abounds, and the government isn’t doing a very good job of keeping the people safe.

Dogwood Protection Services, DPS, takes matters into their own hands. Using the best technology and agents, they track down and stop terrorists before they can do their damage.

Sixteen-year-old Harper Chandler is one of DPS’s biggest assets. She’s small, nimble, cunning, and willing to break a few laws to stop an attack. Like breaking into a classmate’s house where he catches her, almost blowing the vigilante operation wide open.

In order to keep things under wraps, Harper is forced to get close to Akiro—who just so happens to be extremely hot and very into Harper. As she and Akiro grow closer, Harper must continue to spy on his father to figure out why he keeps showing up in the DPS database, all while working a stalker case for the most powerful woman in San Diego.

As she draws nearer to answers, Harper realizes the stalker will stop at nothing to keep her from uncovering the catastrophic truth.

If Harper can’t piece everything together in time, lives—and her relationship with Akiro—will be lost.

For fans of Batman and Marie Lu.

2019 Whitney Award Finalist

Amazon:

Why be a superhero when you could be the trusty sidekick?

If Peter Pan had a brother who couldn’t fly, was a little less arrogant, and was stuck in the U.S. instead of Neverland, it would be Cotton Wyley, the boy stuck at age ten.

Over the years, Cotton has come to realize his personality and tiny body make him a better sidekick than super hero, and he’s totally okay with it. In fact, he rocks it. So when trouble comes his way, he’s ready to save the day. Aside from rescuing students in peril, Cotton has two huge problems. First, his sixth-great nephew, whom he now calls Father, is a confirmed bachelor and refuses to have kids, so Cotton needs to find a future guardian to help keep his immortality a secret. Second, his best friend, the big, strong hero, is avoiding his foster home. He won’t talk to Cotton about his situation, so Cotton uses his not-so-subtle snooping abilities to try to figure out what’s going on.

Cotton must don his side-kick cape to rescue his friend and find a new guardian, or else his friend may come away with more than bruises and Cotton’s secret immortal life will be exposed, taking the control of his life out of his hands.

Amazon:

First, thank you to all who entered the last giveaway! The winner of that one is �� drumroll ��

Hannah Hales!

I’ll be getting your prize to you soon, don’t worry!

Now, I have a crazy goal. It’s plausible, but it’s going to take a lot of work, and I’m hoping you can help me out! I want to reach 50 reviews of Filler Friend on Amazon by Christmas. I know, it’s crazy, but I think it’s doable. It will help put me on the radar with all of Amazon’s algorithms. So, all you have to do is leave a review on Amazon (if you’ve read the book, obviously), and share this giveaway on social media. Fill out the Rafflecopter below to enter! Eligible in US only.

Wait, you want to know what you’re getting out of this besides becoming my bff? Well, the winner (if we reach the 50 review requirement) will get a Filler Friend T-shirt, a I Live for Taco Tuesday T-shirt, a Filler Friend bookmark, a Flaming Gnomes bookmark, a I Live for Taco Tuesday lanyard, and two Filler Friend wristbands. Whew! Worth it, right?

Winner will be selected after Christmas (or sooner if we reach the goal before then!).

The Filler Friend ebook is on sale this week for $0.99, so you have time to grab it and then leave a review! Click here: .

Good luck!!

Eligible in US only.

You all ready to see the final cover for Filler Friend? My friend Kim did an amazing job and I love the whole concept.

Ready???

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Ta da!

And the back, in case you’re interested:

Filler Friend will be available to buy in paperback and ebook on Amazon on May 19th! Can’t wait to share Elinora’s story with you!

~ Sara Jo

I’m super stoked to announce that my YA contemporary, Filler Friend, will be released in May (est. the 15th)! This path to publication has been a long, wild journey, but I wouldn’t change a second of it. I’ve learned so many things over the years, met tons of wonderful people, and grew to a point I never thought I could reach.

All I’ve wanted is to share my words with the world and now my dream is coming true. I’m excited to introduce you to Elinora Davies, an avid reader and writer, lover of all things Kelly Clarkson and Paramore, and most importantly: she’s fueled by Dr Pepper. I know what you’re thinking; she sounds A LOT like me. Really, all my main characters have a little bit of me in them. It’s hard to avoid. Elinora and I have similar surface interests, but we’re way different on the inside. She’s fun, confident, the best older sister, and not afraid to voice her opinion in public. She’s way cooler than me, trust me on this. I want to be her when I grow up.

The cover reveal will be in a couple weeks. In the meantime, want a teaser?? Well, whether you do or not, here it is:

Totes adorbs, right? This book was so much fun to write and soon all the words will be in your pretty hands.

Until then, cheers! *lifts can of Dr Pepper* *clink*

Sara Jo

With everything said in previous posts off my chest, I’m a believer in miracles. I still have a few years left of my 30s and people have babies a lot later these days.

I’m a believer in an afterlife. If not in this life, maybe the next. And if I’m wrong about an afterlife, it won’t matter because I’ll cease to exist and couldn’t really get all that mad about it. I’m full of faith, though.

I grew up in a church that was focused on families. I always thought I’d be a mom. There was no question about it. As a child, I wasn’t aware that infertility was a thing. As I got older, I heard a few things here and there, but I thought it was rare. So in a way, I got blindsided by it all.

There are more people going through it than I think people realize. It’s a hard topic to discuss. I can barely talk to my mom or sister about it. It took me thirteen years before I talked about it publicly, and even then I can’t go into full detail because it’s so personal to me.

I know my mom and dad struggle with it, too. They want me to be happy. They want me to have everything in life I’ve ever wanted. No one wants to see their child put into a horrible situation like this. They need love as well.

A part of me wonders if we somehow knew all along. Chad and I talked about having kids when we got married. We wanted to wait a few years and get our marriage in a good place. But only a couple months into our marriage, I just suddenly blurted out, “I think I’m going to go off birth control. When the time is right, it’ll happen.�� Chad didn’t look surprised. He just nodded and agreed with me. So it didn’t take very long after that for us to realize that having kids could be a tricky thing. We still thought it was possible, but it wouldn’t be as easy as everyone around us.

In the end, I hang on to hope. It’s what keeps me going. Every day I think about all the blessings I do have in my life, even if it’s something small like a foam cup filled with Dr Pepper in my hands.

I have a supportive spouse who’s on the ride with me no matter what. We’ve been lucky that this journey has brought us closer together rather than tearing us apart. There’s a comfort knowing there’s at least one person on this earth that knows exactly what I’m going through, and they’re right next to me every night. Remind yourself of that if your spouse starts feeling like a villain.

I have a choice every morning: Do I stay curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself, or do I face the world with a smile and try to make some sort of meaning of my life? Sometimes I choose the former because we all need a good cry every now and then. But mostly I choose the latter because I want my life to mean something. I may never be a mom, but that’s not the only role I serve.

I’m more than just a lady that can’t have kids. I can serve a purpose here on earth and make the most of my ride. I want to use my writing to connect with people all around the world. I want to show that sure, life sucks sometimes �� majorly �� but there are positive, happy things to be found if you open your heart to them. I want to make people laugh when they feel like crying, feel safe when they are scared, know they are loved when they feel alone. No one needs to go through this life alone. You just have to be willing to put yourself out there. Being vulnerable is scary, but in the end, it’s worth it when you find the right support system.

Every day I remind myself that I’m a person, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, neighbor, and friend. I’m an author, teacher, support system, and a freaking #Ambassador of the #PepperPack (#teamDrPepper).

I’m Sara Jo Cluff and my infertility does not define me.

*This is the most depressing of all the posts. The next (and last) one will be much better. I’ll end on a happy note, don’t worry.

This applies to anyone without kids that wanted them, single or married. There are scary realities we face in the “no children�� scenario. Ones people probably don’t think about.

I have no offspring to pass along my valuables. I don’t have a child to give my wedding dress to one day, or all the family pictures and heirlooms. We’ll have to be one of those people who wills everything to their pet.

You know how people are always saying that just how parents take care of their kids, their kids will one day have to take care of them? We won’t have adult children to look after us. We’ll be sent to a home and we’ll be in the care of random strangers. We’ll have to hope that maybe a niece or nephew will come visit us, because there will be no children or grandchildren signing the visitor log.

Speaking of grandchildren: not happening. I won’t have a grandchild scavenging my purse for a quarter so they can buy a Now and Later from the snack shack at the ballpark. I won’t be striking up a conversation with a person who doesn’t care at the grocery store about my grandchild’s latest accomplishment.

Our family line will end. Once we die, the Chad and Sara Cluff family will cease to exist. It’s a horrifying thought.

I’ve been dying to know what a little Chad/Sara would look like and I may never find out. Would they have his red hair and my green eyes?

All those names we picked out years ago for our future children? They’re becoming characters in my books because I’ll never actually be able to use them. Chad is named after his father. We would have done the same with our son. I would have given my daughter my middle name.

We have to sit back and watch other couples hold a baby in their arms, watch their kids take their first step, say their first word, start school, lose their first tooth, get baptized, go on their first date, get their first kiss, graduate high school, graduate college, get married, have their own children. No daddy/daughter dances, playing catch, signing them up for baseball and football, father/son outings, family vacations, taking them to Disneyland for the first time and showing them that Big Thunder Mountain Railroad is, in fact, the greatest roller coaster to ever exist, watch them try and fail miserably at the violin, have them read my books, and have Chad take them to BYU football games.

All we can do is sit there and think: That will never be us.

The number one thing people need is love. As humans, we want to know we have value and that people care about us. It’s in our nature. So send us love. Let us know you’re thinking about us. That’s all.

Treat us like everyone else. Invite us to things. Don’t walk on eggshells around us. Tuck away the looks of pity. Smile at us. Hug us. Unless you’re not a hugger, and that’s cool.

I know there are times when you’re going to have to be sensitive about certain subjects and it’s hard to remember all the rules. Being politically correct is hard. It’s time consuming and trying to remember every single thing I’m supposed to or not supposed to say is nearly impossible. So we know you’ll have lapses in judgment, just like we do, and that’s okay. Apologize if you notice.

Most importantly, be aware. Know that we’re in the situation. Notice that there are wonderful people out there in the world going through this exact struggle. Realize it’s difficult and challenging for us. Every day is going to be different. One day we’ll be happy and have no troubles going to a baby shower or a kid’s birthday party. Another day, we want to hide out, eat all the chocolate, and not think about babies or kids or families. Just be aware that this is normal for us and it will probably be like this for the rest of our lives.

Cut us some slack if we walk out of a conversation about your kids that we aren’t in the mood to hear. Don’t get me wrong; we don’t want you to stop talking about your life or not talk about your kids. We’d be talking about it, too, if we were you. But we’re not. Sometimes we just need to take a step back from it all. It has nothing to do with you.

Listen. We’ll come to you when we’re ready. We’ll discuss the things we’re comfortable talking about. Don’t offer suggestions, just listen. Be there for us. Let us hug you randomly.

Be aware that there will be days when we don’t feel like doing stuff, or going places. There are many days that can be hard on us, depending on what stage we’re in. Here’s a list of examples:

Know that small things can trigger us. We never know when or what will be the trigger. It all depends on what stage we’re in. I’ve been known to cry at baby showers, church, family get-togethers, the store, restaurants, McDonald’s, basically anywhere. Commercials have triggered me. TV shows and movies can do it, too. Just give us our space, let us work through it, and welcome us back with open arms. It can be awkward for us, so don’t make a big deal of it.

Know that everyone’s journey is different. Every body is different, so our challenges aren’t the same. Each process that is tried and it fails is a huge blow �� emotionally, financially, and mentally. It’s a punch to the gut when we’ve already been knocked out. Understand that this can be traumatic for us and we might not want to talk about it, even with our closest family and friends. And that’s okay.

Remember: Love. All we need is love.

*This post is the snarkiest, so be prepared. I was in the anger stage when I wrote it. :)*

For the love of all that’s holy, do not ask us about it. If we want to talk about the situation, we’ll approach you. It is so personal. How would you feel if I asked you when was the last time you had sex and what position you used? If you’re perfectly comfortable answering that, then good on you. But I’m not. Just like I’m not comfortable telling you about the inner workings of my body. Key word being MY. It’s my body.

Feel free to throw out the looks of pity. We are perfectly aware of our crappy situation. We’ve cried about it countless times. We don’t need to step out into the world and have people frown at us or give us the “we’re so sorry for you�� looks.

Please refrain from asking whose fault it is that we can’t have kids. I’ve been asked this. Is it me, or him? Or both? It’s rude and quite honestly, none of your damn business. The way I look at it, we’re a team. If one of us can’t create a child, neither of us can because we’re the only ones we want to have kids with and start a family. Not to mention the one whose body is having the hardest time, so is the person. It’s a lot weighing on their mind. We need support, not blame.

Don’t ask what methods we’ve tried, what pills we’ve taken, what injections, whatever. You have no idea how hard it is to go through infertility. How emotional, how expensive, and how uncomfortable and awkward it all is. We don’t want to relive it, so please don’t make us.

Please never ask about adoption or fostering children. Again, if we want to talk about it, we’ll come to you. Infertility is an emotional ride in and of itself. Adoption is a whole other park, just filled with some different rides. It’s expensive. It’s time consuming. It’s emotional. Don’t even get me started on health insurance, or lack thereof. You go through the “will the baby ever really be mine?�� phase. What if the parents take the baby back? I’ve seen that happen. Most adoptions these days are open, not closed. Sharing custody, sending pictures to the birth mom, is a really emotional thought. What if it’s a scam? I know families who have been ripped off, I’m talking tens of thousands of dollars, from adoptions that were fake. If someone isn’t emotionally and mentally stable with the infertility part, then they’re definitely not ready for the adoption roller coaster.

Don’t list all the reasons we’re lucky we can’t have kids. We’ve gone down that list and the list of the pros of having kids is a lot longer, trust us.

Don’t tell us we’re mothers and fathers to the world or kids around us. I hear all the time that I’m helping raise everyone else’s kids. I’m being a role model and teaching them wonderful things. That’s all good and really sweet, but that still doesn’t make me a mother. A teacher or an authority figure, sure. But not a mother. I will not have a child in my home at the end of the day. I will not tuck them into bed and kiss them goodnight.

Don’t be upset if we don’t come to your baby shower. It’s hard on us. It’s hard to buy the baby things, wrap them up, take them to you, watch you unwrap them, all the while knowing it will never happen to us. We’ll never have our own party. We’ll never be buying baby clothes for our baby. Inviting us is fine. You’ve thought about us and want us to be included and treated us like everyone else. We’re truly happy for you. You’ve created a miracle, so treat the baby well and love them with all your heart. Just know there’s a good chance we won’t be at the shower and it has nothing to do with you. We are extremely jealous, spiraling us into a stage of anger or despair. I’m my own villain, remember?

Don’t give us tips you just read about on the internet or an article you found on infertility, especially out in public. Do you really think we haven’t researched it already? Do you really think we want this to come up at someone’s birthday party? You could be dredging up something we’ve already researched, tried, and it failed, and we just recently got over the months of depression from it. Just remind yourself: you’re not a doctor. Unless you are. In that case, we’ll come to you, not the other way around.

Don’t gossip or talk about our situation behind our backs. It’s our issue, not yours.

Don’t tell us it’s not a big deal and we need to get over it. Don’t say we’re being overly dramatic about the whole situation. It’s a heartbreaking loss that we have to bear every single day. The wound is always fresh and there is no salve or bandage for it. So be kind. And if you still feel we’re overreacting, please keep those thoughts to yourself. And maybe probably stop being a jerk.

Never, ever take our reactions personally. It has nothing to do with you. It’s all us and our situation. Please remember that.

Lastly, don’t label us as the couple who can’t have kids. We are so much more than that.