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:

pro-tip: don’t ever use the sentence “thousands of years� in your worldbuilding unless you really know what a thousand years is like

Quick cheat sheet:

The middle ages were one thousand years agoI don’t know if I need you to tell you this but Jesus was alive 2 thousand years ago during the Roman Empire3 thousand years ago the Mediterranean and Middle East were recovering from the bronze age collapse. None of the philosophers of Western philosophy (or Eastern for that matter) were born yetEarliest writing dates roughly to 5 thousand years ago.Agriculture started roughly 10 thousand years ago

So yes, you can write whatever you like but if you’re telling me that an individual dynasty has been ruling since 8000 years ago (HOLA JORGE) I have to wonder if they even had writing back then

To be fair you can find one guy like that in the comment section of most metal bands on youtube

you just swapped bodies with your MAIN oc, are you doomed?

I am Violet MacRae now, and I don’t like the look of this Wulfgar fellow at all�

The first 4 John Lange novels, pseudonym of Michael Crichton

Back cover text from Michael Crichton’s first novel, “Odds On.�

Scene from a banal dystopian YA novel:

A vending machine from Healthier4UVending, covered in photos of fresh fruit and vegetables with the slogan “the choice to eat healthy.� It is stocked with junk food and energy drinks.

From “The Yattering and Jack,� in Vol. 1 of Books of Blood by Clive Barker

:

Why is AM trying to help me get my dick wet

DATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MANY SINGLES WANT TO DATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD DATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE DATES I HAVE AVAILABLE FOR YOU AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. DATE. DATE.

The author’s poorly disguised fetish
The author’s proudly displayed fetish
The author’s fetish you’re pretty sure they don’t realise they have
The author’s fetish which they’re firmly convinced everyone has and is just pretending otherwise
The author’s non-sexual special interest which just sounds like a fetish because of their habitually unfortunate phrasing
The fetish the author is making a well-meaning effort to cater to in spite of clearly not understanding it themselves
The author’s fetish that never quite makes it into the text because they keep getting sidetracked by the requisite worldbuilding
The author’s utterly pedestrian sexual preference which the text treats like a bizarre fetish because they’ve got shit to work through
The author’s seemingly innocuous recurring trope they’re going to have a personal revelation about ten years down the road
The author’s fetish you missed on a first reading because it’s so far out of pocket, it never occurred to you that you could sexualise that

By these powers combined I shall write my next novel!

Arctic fox
By: Jim Brandenburg
From: Natural History Magazine
1989