What do you think?
Rate this book
Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power
For those who don't believe in God—or don't know whether they believe—New York Times best-selling author Marya Hornbacher offers an insightful, moving approach to the concept of faith.
Many of us have been trained to think of spirituality as the sole provenance of religion; and if we have come to feel that the religious are not the only ones with access to a spiritual life, we may still be casting about for what, precisely, a spiritual life would be, without a God, a religion, or a solid set of spiritual beliefs.
In Waiting , Hornbacher uses the story of her own journey beginning with her recovery from alcoholism to offer a fresh approach to cultivating a spiritual life. Relinquishing the concept of a universal "Spirit" that exists outside of us, Hornbacher gives us the framework to explore the human spirit in each of us--the very thing that sends us searching, that connects us with one another, the thing that "comes knocking at the door of our emotionally and intellectually closed lives and asks to be let in."
When we let it in and only when we do, she says, we begin to be integrated people and csn walk a spiritual path. There will be many points along the way where we stop, or we fumble, or we get tangled up or turned around. Those are the places where we wait.
Waiting, you'll discover, can become a kind of spiritual practice in itself, requiring patience, acceptance, and stillness. Sometimes we do it because we know we need to, though we may not know why. In short, we do it on faith.
Many of us have been trained to think of spirituality as the sole provenance of religion; and if we have come to feel that the religious are not the only ones with access to a spiritual life, we may still be casting about for what, precisely, a spiritual life would be, without a God, a religion, or a solid set of spiritual beliefs.
In Waiting , Hornbacher uses the story of her own journey beginning with her recovery from alcoholism to offer a fresh approach to cultivating a spiritual life. Relinquishing the concept of a universal "Spirit" that exists outside of us, Hornbacher gives us the framework to explore the human spirit in each of us--the very thing that sends us searching, that connects us with one another, the thing that "comes knocking at the door of our emotionally and intellectually closed lives and asks to be let in."
When we let it in and only when we do, she says, we begin to be integrated people and csn walk a spiritual path. There will be many points along the way where we stop, or we fumble, or we get tangled up or turned around. Those are the places where we wait.
Waiting, you'll discover, can become a kind of spiritual practice in itself, requiring patience, acceptance, and stillness. Sometimes we do it because we know we need to, though we may not know why. In short, we do it on faith.
168 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2011
85 people are currently reading
1,360 people want to read
About the author
Marya Hornbacher
10Ìýbooks1,058ÌýfollowersMarya Hornbacher published her first book, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia (HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.), in 1998, when she was twenty-three. What started as a crazy idea suggested by a writer friend became the classic book that has been published in fourteen languages, is taught in universities and writing programs all over the world, and has, according to the thousands of letters Marya has received over the years, changed lives.
Her second book, the acclaimed novel The Center of Winter (HarperCollins, 2005) has been called "masterful," "gorgeous writing," "a stunning acheivement of storytelling," "delicious," and "compulsive reading." Told in three voices, by six-year-old Kate, her mentally ill brother Esau, and their mother Claire, The Center of Winter is the story of a family recovering from a father's suicide in the spare, wintry Minnesota north, a story of struggle, transformation, and hope.
Marya's new memoir Madness: A Life (Houghton Mifflin) is an intense, beautifully written book about the difficulties, and promise, of living with mental illness. It is already being called "the most visceral, important book on mental illness to be published in years." It will be published in April of 2008.
The recipient of a host of awards for journalism and a Pulitzer Prize nominee, Marya has lectured at universities around the country, taught writing and literature, and published in academic and literary journals since 1992. She lives in Minneapolis with her husband Jeff, their cats Shakespeare and T.S. Eliot, and their miniature dachsunds Milton and Dante.
Her second book, the acclaimed novel The Center of Winter (HarperCollins, 2005) has been called "masterful," "gorgeous writing," "a stunning acheivement of storytelling," "delicious," and "compulsive reading." Told in three voices, by six-year-old Kate, her mentally ill brother Esau, and their mother Claire, The Center of Winter is the story of a family recovering from a father's suicide in the spare, wintry Minnesota north, a story of struggle, transformation, and hope.
Marya's new memoir Madness: A Life (Houghton Mifflin) is an intense, beautifully written book about the difficulties, and promise, of living with mental illness. It is already being called "the most visceral, important book on mental illness to be published in years." It will be published in April of 2008.
The recipient of a host of awards for journalism and a Pulitzer Prize nominee, Marya has lectured at universities around the country, taught writing and literature, and published in academic and literary journals since 1992. She lives in Minneapolis with her husband Jeff, their cats Shakespeare and T.S. Eliot, and their miniature dachsunds Milton and Dante.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
July 25, 2012
Horbacher reveals herself as a philosopher within these finely written pages. As an atheist myself, I've often wondered about how to find some sort of satisfying spirituality even with the absence of a god. Waiting helped me put into words some of the things I'd been feeling.
Though I am not familiar with AA or in need of its services, Waiting made the introduction for me in a friendly, straight-forward manner. For anyone who is a part of AA, Waiting would be a great book to take a look at.
Though I am not familiar with AA or in need of its services, Waiting made the introduction for me in a friendly, straight-forward manner. For anyone who is a part of AA, Waiting would be a great book to take a look at.
October 14, 2011
Marya Hornbacher has found words for things I thought but didn't know how to say. Her interpretation of the powerful 12 Steps of AA challenges and encourages nonbelievers to approach the steps in a way in which they can be comfortable. I would have preferred a few more details about Hornbacher's own journey, but am grateful for the insight she shares so unstintingly and with such a ring of honesty.
March 29, 2018
I can not tell you how amazing this book is. Along with Sane, this book is such a asset to those suffering with co occurring disorders and addiction. For those of us with Spiritual beliefs but not belief in God, or a different understanding, or even atheism, this book opens up the 12 steps in a different light. Hornbacher is an amazing writer, and she brings that to this book. It does not read like a self help book and neither does Sane. I earmarked and highlighted and just savored every page. It goes beyond a book for those in need of help for addiction but even those needing to take stock in their ability to take control
of their need to control. I can’t get enough of Hornbacher at the moment and although I read Wasted years ago and can’t revisit that book now as it is to painful at present, where she is now in her life is so inspirational.. I can’t say enough of about this book and Sane, and her current works and reads.. ( see her website)
of their need to control. I can’t get enough of Hornbacher at the moment and although I read Wasted years ago and can’t revisit that book now as it is to painful at present, where she is now in her life is so inspirational.. I can’t say enough of about this book and Sane, and her current works and reads.. ( see her website)
January 24, 2018
Quit after a couple of chapters. Just never grabbed me. Mentioned alot about an inner spirituality although no God - just finding our own "spirituality." I did like that at one point she said our connection with others and our ability to communicate was that spirituality but then she abandoned that thought to go on talking about it in vague terms - something there for us to find.
December 16, 2015
An Atheist/Agnostic or free thinker's guide
This is told from the perspective of an agnostic or atheist's perspective on traversing the 12 steps. The only part I was ambivalent about was the author's meandering at the beginning of each chapter, some I liked, some seemed like aimless filler. I loved it the rest of it. I felt a lot of similarities between her journey and my own. I agree that a path to emotional sobriety and a higher power is love and service to other beings on the planet. This does not require belief in a supernatural being. It does require becoming a part of the communities around us, stressful though it may be. Personally, I enjoy secular meditation and it's more than merely listening...depending on the type of meditation. You can cultivate compassion, serenity and healing. Insight timer app is a free resource to begin a bit of exposure.
This is told from the perspective of an agnostic or atheist's perspective on traversing the 12 steps. The only part I was ambivalent about was the author's meandering at the beginning of each chapter, some I liked, some seemed like aimless filler. I loved it the rest of it. I felt a lot of similarities between her journey and my own. I agree that a path to emotional sobriety and a higher power is love and service to other beings on the planet. This does not require belief in a supernatural being. It does require becoming a part of the communities around us, stressful though it may be. Personally, I enjoy secular meditation and it's more than merely listening...depending on the type of meditation. You can cultivate compassion, serenity and healing. Insight timer app is a free resource to begin a bit of exposure.
September 12, 2011
One of the most profoundly written books I've read containing pure truth. It is scripture like in its message to humanity. It will be purchased and find a permanent home in my library of resources to go to in time of need. This woman's turmoil with addiction and other experiences in her life has fortunately resulted in an understanding of our responsibility as human beings in proximity to the world we live.
Her experience and message, in my opinion, is a gift from God to the nonbeliever and believer alike.
Brilliant! Touching. Humble. Truth.
Her experience and message, in my opinion, is a gift from God to the nonbeliever and believer alike.
Brilliant! Touching. Humble. Truth.
November 25, 2012
Marya's brain on a big topic -- what bigger topic is there than God? -- and it still ain't a fair fight.
August 28, 2018
Incredible. I can't wait to read the rest of Marya's books, I've never related to an author as much as I relate to her.
Favorite quotes:
"I just get up and go out into the world, do as much right as I can, fix all the things I do wrong as soon as I’m able, and feel an overwhelming gratitude that the war I was fighting is done."
“There is always reason to care. There is always reason to give. It is what we are here to do.�
"We may doubt. We may still be profoundly grieving our loss. But we are no longer trapped in the torturous cycle of turning to addiction in an attempt to comfort the despair of addiction."
"The longing to be someone else, to re-create oneself, is a relatively common human wish. We want desperately to escape what has happened, what we’ve done, and who we have been."...
"And we do it for such simple reasons: We want to be respected, and we want to be loved. And we believe that we, as we are, do not justify either respect or love. We so often believe that in order to be loved, we must be perfect. Better than human. Not flawed."
"There is great joy in loving the world and its occupants as they are, in loving one’s life as it is. There are spiritual riches in being ever-present, ever-aware to the simple grace--perhaps the sheer luck--of being human, with so many flaws and so much to give."
"To me, an acceptance of my humanness-- my unknowing, the fact that I am irrevocably tethered to the ground, that I am not much more than a fleck of matter in an infinite cosmos, but an integral fleck-- is a spiritual practice. Accepting my humanness, I am put in my place; I am able, in the place, to feel the overwhelming spiritual wonder at the mysteries of the world."
"I sit quietly tangled up in the slipstream of this moment, sipping my coffee, grateful beyond measure, madly in love with it all."
"The nature of addiction is retreat from the world. We slam doors as we go, walking further and further into the heart of a labyrinth for which we have no map and from which many people never emerge." � "We lose faith in all we’d begun to trust, and we start holding onto things again, gathering up the burden we’d gratefully set down, hauling it with us as we remove ourselves from the world. All our old habits return, and our minds and emotions start to warp. Our spiritual lives dry up. Soon, we’re stuck back in the heart of the labyrinth, quite alone."
"The sense that we are only the sum of our parts--whatever we achieve, however we appear, whatever we own, however we try to prove ourselves--is not a good sense. It’s an existential crisis. Do I even exist? If you take away the masks I wear, is there only blank space underneath? We do not only wonder whether there is a void out there, in some great beyond. We fear there is a void within."
"I have always loved the fact that time is a construct, invented for our convenience and probably our comfort. We take comfort in order; we are anxious little creatures and like for things to be meted out in minutes, exactly so many minutes for everything, when in fact time goes sprawling in every direction in space, bends and bounces back, takes light-years to reach one destination and reaches another at the speed of light."
"November morning. The sky turning from indigo to violet blue, the curly oak sketched in black on the sky. Steam rising off the lake. I sat in absolute stillness, absolute peace. This, too, is prayer."
"I sit in silence. I sit feeling tiny. Infinitesimal, a speck of a thing, a mote of light. It is the feeling of wonder. Of awe. This is not the part of the story where I say I felt the presence of God. There was no sudden thought of Who made all this? Where did this come from? There was no question of origins or ends. There was wonder, there was awe, in the fact of all I do not know, all I cannot understand, all that is truly infinite, has neither origin nor end. Has no name, no face. Has no hand that will reach down and touch my own. And I felt peace seeping through me, just as the barest beginnings of light began to seep up the sky."
"I express gratitude. To whom? Doesn’t matter-- it doesn’t have to be to anyone. The assumption that gratitude must be directed to someone or must be for something is, I think, quite false; I practice gratitude as a habit. I try to maintain a constant state of thankfulness; this is something I’ve learned from people who’ve found a great deal of serenity in their lives. There’s a religious concept here that is useful: the notion of grace, something that is given without reason, something for which we can be thankful just because it is. There is so much in my life, and in the world, that seems to me an expression of grace, that I feel it’s only sensible I should be in constant expression of thanks. I give thanks, often enough, for the sheer good luck to be human in this difficult world, here and now, with what I have."
Favorite quotes:
"I just get up and go out into the world, do as much right as I can, fix all the things I do wrong as soon as I’m able, and feel an overwhelming gratitude that the war I was fighting is done."
“There is always reason to care. There is always reason to give. It is what we are here to do.�
"We may doubt. We may still be profoundly grieving our loss. But we are no longer trapped in the torturous cycle of turning to addiction in an attempt to comfort the despair of addiction."
"The longing to be someone else, to re-create oneself, is a relatively common human wish. We want desperately to escape what has happened, what we’ve done, and who we have been."...
"And we do it for such simple reasons: We want to be respected, and we want to be loved. And we believe that we, as we are, do not justify either respect or love. We so often believe that in order to be loved, we must be perfect. Better than human. Not flawed."
"There is great joy in loving the world and its occupants as they are, in loving one’s life as it is. There are spiritual riches in being ever-present, ever-aware to the simple grace--perhaps the sheer luck--of being human, with so many flaws and so much to give."
"To me, an acceptance of my humanness-- my unknowing, the fact that I am irrevocably tethered to the ground, that I am not much more than a fleck of matter in an infinite cosmos, but an integral fleck-- is a spiritual practice. Accepting my humanness, I am put in my place; I am able, in the place, to feel the overwhelming spiritual wonder at the mysteries of the world."
"I sit quietly tangled up in the slipstream of this moment, sipping my coffee, grateful beyond measure, madly in love with it all."
"The nature of addiction is retreat from the world. We slam doors as we go, walking further and further into the heart of a labyrinth for which we have no map and from which many people never emerge." � "We lose faith in all we’d begun to trust, and we start holding onto things again, gathering up the burden we’d gratefully set down, hauling it with us as we remove ourselves from the world. All our old habits return, and our minds and emotions start to warp. Our spiritual lives dry up. Soon, we’re stuck back in the heart of the labyrinth, quite alone."
"The sense that we are only the sum of our parts--whatever we achieve, however we appear, whatever we own, however we try to prove ourselves--is not a good sense. It’s an existential crisis. Do I even exist? If you take away the masks I wear, is there only blank space underneath? We do not only wonder whether there is a void out there, in some great beyond. We fear there is a void within."
"I have always loved the fact that time is a construct, invented for our convenience and probably our comfort. We take comfort in order; we are anxious little creatures and like for things to be meted out in minutes, exactly so many minutes for everything, when in fact time goes sprawling in every direction in space, bends and bounces back, takes light-years to reach one destination and reaches another at the speed of light."
"November morning. The sky turning from indigo to violet blue, the curly oak sketched in black on the sky. Steam rising off the lake. I sat in absolute stillness, absolute peace. This, too, is prayer."
"I sit in silence. I sit feeling tiny. Infinitesimal, a speck of a thing, a mote of light. It is the feeling of wonder. Of awe. This is not the part of the story where I say I felt the presence of God. There was no sudden thought of Who made all this? Where did this come from? There was no question of origins or ends. There was wonder, there was awe, in the fact of all I do not know, all I cannot understand, all that is truly infinite, has neither origin nor end. Has no name, no face. Has no hand that will reach down and touch my own. And I felt peace seeping through me, just as the barest beginnings of light began to seep up the sky."
"I express gratitude. To whom? Doesn’t matter-- it doesn’t have to be to anyone. The assumption that gratitude must be directed to someone or must be for something is, I think, quite false; I practice gratitude as a habit. I try to maintain a constant state of thankfulness; this is something I’ve learned from people who’ve found a great deal of serenity in their lives. There’s a religious concept here that is useful: the notion of grace, something that is given without reason, something for which we can be thankful just because it is. There is so much in my life, and in the world, that seems to me an expression of grace, that I feel it’s only sensible I should be in constant expression of thanks. I give thanks, often enough, for the sheer good luck to be human in this difficult world, here and now, with what I have."
June 6, 2019
A very unique but necessary book, elegantly written and carefully considered. As opposed to her memoirs Wasted and Madness, from which she is primarily known, Hornbacher directs this book to a very specific audience, one with which she is quite familiar. Those who are struggling with addiction and who have sought out the familiar twelve step programs but feel at a loss because they do not believe in a deity; a core aspect of some twelve step programs, including the most famous, that of Alcoholics Anonymous. So Hornbacher with Waiting is writing a twelve step guide for those who consider themselves interested in the affairs of the spirit but who finally cannot embrace the notion of an eternal and external deity. She organizes the book more or less around the twelve months of the year, using the changes of the year and of seasons as metaphors for the recovering addict's journey. As someone interested in stories, I was most interested in the opening sections of each of her chapters, in which she tells a brief, specific stories about herself and her struggles, particularly her struggles in her early days of being sober. With those stories as introductions she develops each chapter around a spiritual theme, ones that are relevant to recovering addicts. Waiting thus acts as a kind of spiritual autobiography and a twelve step handbook.
May 12, 2022
Really disappointed � while sprinkled with tidbits of useful thoughts, very lacking in helping non-believers.
This was a very disappointing read. I firmly hold the is no deity which intervenes in my life. Throughout the book the author consistently fails to provide non-believers a way to deal with the deity requirements hammered into those working a 12 Step program. While there are tidbits of useful thoughts the author didn’t provide much helpful information, opinions or tools to deal with the insidious beating non-believers deal with in recovery meeting and most importantly from recovers sponsors who insist recovery is attained only after you accept God in your life as your daily guide. VERY DISAPPOINTING �
This was a very disappointing read. I firmly hold the is no deity which intervenes in my life. Throughout the book the author consistently fails to provide non-believers a way to deal with the deity requirements hammered into those working a 12 Step program. While there are tidbits of useful thoughts the author didn’t provide much helpful information, opinions or tools to deal with the insidious beating non-believers deal with in recovery meeting and most importantly from recovers sponsors who insist recovery is attained only after you accept God in your life as your daily guide. VERY DISAPPOINTING �
May 6, 2017
This one I read very out of order and it took forever to finish.
Fascinating though as someone who is a pagan theist, i.e.I do believe in higher power if not necessarily traditional God.
I am lucky not to have addiction, although I do have bipolar disorder. In fact Marya Hornbacher's "Madness: A Bipolar Life" was my favorite book last year.
I know twelve step programs are incredibly common. I also know they don't work for many people. A book like this could help. There is more than one way to be healed.
Fascinating work. l am also very curious about her book "Sane" which is not available at the library.
Fascinating though as someone who is a pagan theist, i.e.I do believe in higher power if not necessarily traditional God.
I am lucky not to have addiction, although I do have bipolar disorder. In fact Marya Hornbacher's "Madness: A Bipolar Life" was my favorite book last year.
I know twelve step programs are incredibly common. I also know they don't work for many people. A book like this could help. There is more than one way to be healed.
Fascinating work. l am also very curious about her book "Sane" which is not available at the library.
January 11, 2018
Very thoughtful and very well written exploration of the god question in the context of a person working the AA 12 Steps who does not hew to the traditional notions of God as their higher power. I came at this book looking for more insight than I found but recognize that is more likely on me than the author. My rating could as easily have been four stars rather than three but three was where I landed. A worthwhile read if the topic is of interest to you.
March 4, 2020
This is an emotional book about dealing with loss and living spiritually. It is a novel about how a woman deals with her alcoholism and with loss. It explores feelings and ideas behind some of the worst coping options and healthier coping strategies related to loss. I read it while I was coping with a big loss. I want to say that it "helped," but nothing really "helped." I am glad that I read it, and I recommend it as a moving read.
July 16, 2020
"I express gratitude. To whom? Doesn’t matter-- it doesn’t have to be to anyone. The assumption that gratitude must be directed to someone or must be for something is, I think, quite false; I practice gratitude as a habit. I try to maintain a constant state of thankfulness; this is something I’ve learned from people who’ve found a great deal of serenity in their lives."
September 3, 2020
I just love Marya Hornbacher. This book was a great read for anyone in recovery, specifically 12-step, who may not feel connected with or believe in a higher power.
May 12, 2021
Very well-written and informative but it was a bit too wordy for me. I felt like she kept saying the same things over and over using different words.
July 23, 2015
This is a technically well-written book, but I found it a chore to get through. It seemed to lack in narrative voice (a primary strength of Hornbachers other three nonfiction books). There was also a vagueness that caused me to keep drifting off into other thoughts as I read ("To whom should we be of service? Anyone. The world's need is very great. How? In any way we can."). So really, reading this book was sort of like meditation. My mind would wander and I had to tell myself to keep coming back.
I'm glad she tackled the topic, and there were some useful nuggets in here. I got the most out of the sections where she bolted down the abstract concepts with specific personal examples and anecdotes, and I wish she'd done more of that. Most of the material she presents here are ideas I've read elsewhere.
The thing about 12 step living is that it's a program of ACTION, and most official program literature prescribes actions about relating to a deity (specific prayers and meditation topics, for example). I feel like she missed the opportunity to provide detailed personal narrative describing the actions an atheist/agnostic can take to work their program. She frequently recommended "spiritual practices," but never said what those practices might be. In fact, she included an entire chapter called Spiritual Practice, managing to write the whole thing without really describing a single one.
So while I respect the writing (and the effort), I just felt disappointed.
I'm glad she tackled the topic, and there were some useful nuggets in here. I got the most out of the sections where she bolted down the abstract concepts with specific personal examples and anecdotes, and I wish she'd done more of that. Most of the material she presents here are ideas I've read elsewhere.
The thing about 12 step living is that it's a program of ACTION, and most official program literature prescribes actions about relating to a deity (specific prayers and meditation topics, for example). I feel like she missed the opportunity to provide detailed personal narrative describing the actions an atheist/agnostic can take to work their program. She frequently recommended "spiritual practices," but never said what those practices might be. In fact, she included an entire chapter called Spiritual Practice, managing to write the whole thing without really describing a single one.
So while I respect the writing (and the effort), I just felt disappointed.
April 24, 2025
Marya Hornbacher is one of my all-time favourite writers. I've read her first memoir, "Wasted" at least half a dozen times, and her novel "The Center of Winter" is beautiful. I just love her writing style - she has the ability to talk about very dark topics in a really gorgeous way.
I wanted to like "Waiting." In it, Marya talks about her experience in AA as an atheist, explores the topics of faith and spirituality, and how somebody who can't get themselves to believe in a capital G god can still absorb lessons and benefit from practicing the 12 steps.
The topic was interesting enough, but I thought the whole thing felt a little repetitive and kind of dragged. Her imagery remains beautiful, but I thought the underlying points could've been made much quicker.
I wanted to like "Waiting." In it, Marya talks about her experience in AA as an atheist, explores the topics of faith and spirituality, and how somebody who can't get themselves to believe in a capital G god can still absorb lessons and benefit from practicing the 12 steps.
The topic was interesting enough, but I thought the whole thing felt a little repetitive and kind of dragged. Her imagery remains beautiful, but I thought the underlying points could've been made much quicker.
December 12, 2013
To say this book is life-changing is the absolute truth. I felt like she wrote this TO me; I identified with everything she wrote about and observed. Marya has an amazing mindfulness with what she's experiencing and feeling that is very impressive. This is the kind of reading experience I will most likely never duplicate! I've never been compelled to meet an author but this time I am. I want to let her know what an impact this book has had on my life :)
May 18, 2013
a good read. it's very personal, not analytical. I like the writing style. she has a point of view that although doesn't come across as authoritative, is credible and enriching. I prefer the "my experience has been ... " books over "this is how it should be ... " books and Waiting is a 21st century sounding discussion about recovery, both heartfelt and practical.
November 4, 2015
This book contains 12 chapters that coincide with the 12 months and 12 Steps. An excellent book on spiritual development and mediation for the atheist, agnostic, and believer alike (with a touch of memoir and beautiful language). I will definitely return to this one!
January 4, 2012
It's difficult for anything regarding religion, atheist, or spirituality to capture my attention. Of course Marya Hornbacher would be the one to do it?
August 11, 2014
Beautifully written. not a page turner, more of spiritual truths and insgihts to digest slowly! loved it dearly.
May 16, 2019
Will come back to
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get help and learn more about the design.