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I Want to Change But I Don't Know How!
Suggests a series of exercises for understanding and accepting oneself and achieving success
- GenresSelf Help
330 pages, Paperback
First published December 11, 1981
8 people are currently reading
191 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
November 20, 2017
This is another of many books that were gifted to me at some point in the past. I resolved to read them all so here I am again. This is not the type of book that I seek out to read and thus I think I take most of what is said with a grain of salt and in all honesty, not the best attitude. As I've mentioned in other reviews of some of the self-help books that I've read, I think there is an audience for these books that are possibly eager or even desperate to resolve something in their lives, and they are tearing these bad boys open as soon as they arrive home from the bookstore. All fine and good for those people. Not so much for someone who is trying to check a book off of their list from a pile of less than compelling titles.
I do attempt to go into these books with an open-mind though. A lack of eagerness and a chip on one's shoulder doesn't damn a book to one-star purgatory in all cases. I was somewhat turned on by the fact that the book was written by medical doctors rather than therapists, psychologists, or non-credentialed snake oil selling charlatans. I am drawn to charts, graphs, and clinical studies when it comes to learning a thing or two about self improvement be it physical, mental, spiritual, etc. Having a pair of psychiatrists' names slapped on the cover gave me hope.
With that in mind, there isn't a lot in the way of hard data. There are more than a handful of the patient testimonials that make my eyes roll in their sockets like a marble taking the scenic trip down a funnel. Curing a patient with severe anorexia in one visit? Sign me up. Using tough love to show a man that being miserable is what he really wants? Yes, please. The only thing missing is the firm slap in the face and a "Dammit, man! Pull yourself together!!" moment. These passages usually come off as comically ridiculous at best and question the credibility of the author and their methods at worst. Maybe these are true to life tales that have worked and changed an otherwise shitty existence but I doubt it. Secondly, if they are true and these fringe methods are how the authors chose to take care of business, do I want to listen to anything they have to say? Seems like a lose/lose unless the reader falls into the desperate-for-help crowd that I mentioned above.
My final criticism relates to the editing/publishing. Originally written in 1978, the cover of my book claimed that this was the revised edition. Not sure what changed or was added but it doesn't seem like much was omitted. There is a lot of talk of thorazine and the promise that lithium bicarbonate will be a game-changer. Not really relevant to someone outside the field but definitely shows the book's age. Next, they refer to the mentally ill often as crazies or "the insane." I don't really care much but these terms are dated and some would even consider them offensive. Imagine retard or homo but for the mentally ill. I was going to include the respective conditions that would warrant calling someone the above but I didn't want to put down something that would be considered offensive in x number of years and show my own dated vernacular. I didn't find these words offensive as I knew what they were referring to but there was a slight cringe-factor and a "I don't think they want to go there..." feeling. It's like when my mom refers to someone as Oriental. She doesn't mean anything by it but doesn't understand that it's a dated term that some may take umbrage with. I apologize for my digression. Point is, someone should have fished these terms out and changed them or even better, put "All new revised edition for ." That way readers would have a frame of reference for the time period and/or a reason to pick another book with more current information. To be fair, this book may not even be in circulation anymore. Nevertheless, a time stamp on revised editions would seem beneficial. (Upon looking on Amazon, there are a few on sale from third-party sellers and the book hasn't been revised since 1986 so I feeling super pumped to have just spent hours reading something, yeah... goddammit.)
Finally, because I always seem to drag these books through the mud before polishing them off to a less than lustrous finish, I will say that there is a fair amount of good stuff in this book. Simple stuff such a self-love, being present, trial and error. A modern translation: unconditional positive self-regard, mindfulness, and doing what works for you by not being afraid to take risks and try new things. These concepts apparently stand the test of time and for good reason. With that said, as stand alone concepts, they warrant a book or two on their own and a reader, be it someone eager/desperate for change or just someone who wants to improve their day-to-day, would benefit from skimming the pages.
To sum it up, this wasn't a bad book but it's definitely beyond its shelf life. I wouldn't recommend it for that reason. But it wouldn't be a complete loss if someone were to stumble across it at a yard sale or in a bargain bin. Maybe as a starting point for advanced concepts. Think of a Psych 101 course from 1992 as a springboard for solidifying modern concepts.
I do attempt to go into these books with an open-mind though. A lack of eagerness and a chip on one's shoulder doesn't damn a book to one-star purgatory in all cases. I was somewhat turned on by the fact that the book was written by medical doctors rather than therapists, psychologists, or non-credentialed snake oil selling charlatans. I am drawn to charts, graphs, and clinical studies when it comes to learning a thing or two about self improvement be it physical, mental, spiritual, etc. Having a pair of psychiatrists' names slapped on the cover gave me hope.
With that in mind, there isn't a lot in the way of hard data. There are more than a handful of the patient testimonials that make my eyes roll in their sockets like a marble taking the scenic trip down a funnel. Curing a patient with severe anorexia in one visit? Sign me up. Using tough love to show a man that being miserable is what he really wants? Yes, please. The only thing missing is the firm slap in the face and a "Dammit, man! Pull yourself together!!" moment. These passages usually come off as comically ridiculous at best and question the credibility of the author and their methods at worst. Maybe these are true to life tales that have worked and changed an otherwise shitty existence but I doubt it. Secondly, if they are true and these fringe methods are how the authors chose to take care of business, do I want to listen to anything they have to say? Seems like a lose/lose unless the reader falls into the desperate-for-help crowd that I mentioned above.
My final criticism relates to the editing/publishing. Originally written in 1978, the cover of my book claimed that this was the revised edition. Not sure what changed or was added but it doesn't seem like much was omitted. There is a lot of talk of thorazine and the promise that lithium bicarbonate will be a game-changer. Not really relevant to someone outside the field but definitely shows the book's age. Next, they refer to the mentally ill often as crazies or "the insane." I don't really care much but these terms are dated and some would even consider them offensive. Imagine retard or homo but for the mentally ill. I was going to include the respective conditions that would warrant calling someone the above but I didn't want to put down something that would be considered offensive in x number of years and show my own dated vernacular. I didn't find these words offensive as I knew what they were referring to but there was a slight cringe-factor and a "I don't think they want to go there..." feeling. It's like when my mom refers to someone as Oriental. She doesn't mean anything by it but doesn't understand that it's a dated term that some may take umbrage with. I apologize for my digression. Point is, someone should have fished these terms out and changed them or even better, put "All new revised edition for ." That way readers would have a frame of reference for the time period and/or a reason to pick another book with more current information. To be fair, this book may not even be in circulation anymore. Nevertheless, a time stamp on revised editions would seem beneficial. (Upon looking on Amazon, there are a few on sale from third-party sellers and the book hasn't been revised since 1986 so I feeling super pumped to have just spent hours reading something, yeah... goddammit.)
Finally, because I always seem to drag these books through the mud before polishing them off to a less than lustrous finish, I will say that there is a fair amount of good stuff in this book. Simple stuff such a self-love, being present, trial and error. A modern translation: unconditional positive self-regard, mindfulness, and doing what works for you by not being afraid to take risks and try new things. These concepts apparently stand the test of time and for good reason. With that said, as stand alone concepts, they warrant a book or two on their own and a reader, be it someone eager/desperate for change or just someone who wants to improve their day-to-day, would benefit from skimming the pages.
To sum it up, this wasn't a bad book but it's definitely beyond its shelf life. I wouldn't recommend it for that reason. But it wouldn't be a complete loss if someone were to stumble across it at a yard sale or in a bargain bin. Maybe as a starting point for advanced concepts. Think of a Psych 101 course from 1992 as a springboard for solidifying modern concepts.
January 6, 2022
It seems like more of a psychological textbook and also focuses on the therapist. It was a good but tough read.
March 31, 2021
Eh! it was the same tenets of most self help books. Change your mind and change your world. All True.
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August 14, 2017self discovery is all i want and use this tool to change others peoples life
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
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