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Resolving Everyday Conflict
Ken Sande, author of the bestselling classic The Peacemaker , has long been a trusted resource on the topic of conflict resolution. In Resolving Everyday Conflict , Sande distills his message to the essentials, quickly equipping readers with the tools they need to bring peace to their relationships.
Everyone encounters conflict--whether it be with a coworker, family member, friend, or complete stranger. And yet we all desire harmony in our relationships. Resolving Everyday Conflict is a practical, biblical, concise guide to peacemaking in everyday life that can turn tumultuous relationships into peaceful ones.
Everyone encounters conflict--whether it be with a coworker, family member, friend, or complete stranger. And yet we all desire harmony in our relationships. Resolving Everyday Conflict is a practical, biblical, concise guide to peacemaking in everyday life that can turn tumultuous relationships into peaceful ones.
128 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2011
212 people are currently reading
775 people want to read
About the author
Ken Sande
36Ìýbooks34Ìýfollowers Ken Sande is the founder of Peacemaker Ministries and president of a new ministry, Relational Wisdom 360. Trained as a mechanical engineer and lawyer, Ken is passionate about bringing the life-changing power of the gospel into the lives of Christians and their churches. He has used biblical peacemaking principles to minister to parties in hundreds of conflicts ranging from simple personal disputes to complex legal conflicts. He is the author of The Peacemaker, which has been translated into 15 languages, and has written numerous books, articles, and training resources on biblical conflict resolution and relational wisdom. He is a Certified Christian Conciliator, an Editorial Advisor for Christianity Today International’s Church Management Team, and a Certified Emotional Intelligence Instructor. He and his wife, Corlette, are delighted to be grandparents and love to hike with their family in the mountains near their home in Billings, Montana.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 144 reviews
December 12, 2017
I appreciate short books that make a significant impact. This is one of them.
Anyone could benefit from this book. It's gospel-centered, practical, re-orienting, and timeless. We're all prone to flight or fight responses in conflict, and Sande provides a third way - peacemaking with plenty of ideas and illustrations rooted in Scripture.
I was challenged and convicted throughout the book. At the same time I was encouraged to be a peacemaker who let's the Holy Spirit and God's Word take control of me to resolve conflict for His glory and the good of others. I can see myself returning to this book and recommending it on a regular basis.
(P. S. This book epitomizes the adage, "Don't judge a book by its cover." I have no idea what a barren tree has to do with resolving everyday conflict. There are some other distracting design choices in the typesetting too, but the content is too good to dismiss because of that.)
Anyone could benefit from this book. It's gospel-centered, practical, re-orienting, and timeless. We're all prone to flight or fight responses in conflict, and Sande provides a third way - peacemaking with plenty of ideas and illustrations rooted in Scripture.
I was challenged and convicted throughout the book. At the same time I was encouraged to be a peacemaker who let's the Holy Spirit and God's Word take control of me to resolve conflict for His glory and the good of others. I can see myself returning to this book and recommending it on a regular basis.
(P. S. This book epitomizes the adage, "Don't judge a book by its cover." I have no idea what a barren tree has to do with resolving everyday conflict. There are some other distracting design choices in the typesetting too, but the content is too good to dismiss because of that.)
Read
February 1, 2014A gem of a book for every Christian to read. Conflict is a part of life and it is not in our nature to deal with it well but mostly very badly. This book clearly explains how to deal with conflict Biblically. To quote from the book - "Christians are the most forgiven people in the world. Therefore we should be the most forgiving people in the world."
January 7, 2020
It's hard to separate the text of the book and the discussions with the ladies. Very brief, but good.
December 31, 2017
Great quick read on handling conflict biblically. Having a print copy would be a good pastoral resource to have on hand.
July 29, 2022
A condensed version of The Peacemaker with a focus on personal conflict.
“When you draw on God's grace to put off your self-centered attitudes and act on His principles, you put His glory on display. Your life points to His vast wisdom, compassion, and transforming power, and as you look for God's glory, the impact reaches far beyond yourself because you give everyone around you reason to respect and praise God. Glorifying God is not about letting others see how great you are. It's about letting them see how great the Lord is.�
“When you draw on God's grace to put off your self-centered attitudes and act on His principles, you put His glory on display. Your life points to His vast wisdom, compassion, and transforming power, and as you look for God's glory, the impact reaches far beyond yourself because you give everyone around you reason to respect and praise God. Glorifying God is not about letting others see how great you are. It's about letting them see how great the Lord is.�
August 31, 2023
Keep circles of conflict as small as possible as long as possible
Forgive and forget. What if God had said he forgave you, but he will not forget what u did? God forgives us and promises not look back at our sins.
You can bring a persons past in order to help, not to use against.
It’s not a matter of knowing what to do. The law alone does not enable us. We often times know what to do. We don’t have the strength to carry it out. God said that we will know his disciples by the way we love one another. He has given us to power through the spirit to overcome differences.
Instead of starting with what I should do for God, start off with what God has done for me. Forgave, bears, loves, choses
Conflict is an opportunity to share the gospel
Forgive and forget. What if God had said he forgave you, but he will not forget what u did? God forgives us and promises not look back at our sins.
You can bring a persons past in order to help, not to use against.
It’s not a matter of knowing what to do. The law alone does not enable us. We often times know what to do. We don’t have the strength to carry it out. God said that we will know his disciples by the way we love one another. He has given us to power through the spirit to overcome differences.
Instead of starting with what I should do for God, start off with what God has done for me. Forgave, bears, loves, choses
Conflict is an opportunity to share the gospel
Read
August 21, 2023I would emphasize along with the title that this book is for ‘resolving *everyday* conflict�. It is a very helpful primer for peace-making, and I appreciate how the author provides as its framework this: that God is merciful and gracious. He forgives, pursues and reconciles us.
I feel that more complex and consuming conflicts (such as cases involving abuse) would perhaps benefit from a book that is more in depth and nuanced� Likely what the author’s other book ‘The Peace Maker� accomplishes - just haven’t read it yet!
I feel that more complex and consuming conflicts (such as cases involving abuse) would perhaps benefit from a book that is more in depth and nuanced� Likely what the author’s other book ‘The Peace Maker� accomplishes - just haven’t read it yet!
September 4, 2021
Simple, lots of good ideas. There are is nothing on heading off conflict other than not taking offense. There is also a major lack of reference to how conflict affects is from an emotional stand point. The book is also written from a completely western stand point so I does not address cultures that function in a shame/honor or power/fear paradigms, only those in a guilt/Innocence paradigm.
August 16, 2017
Overall a good read on resolving conflict biblically, with very practical steps to walk through as well as general principles. I agreed with the book but found the writing style left me skimming or becoming disinterested at times (maybe I'll read it again in another season when I'm experiencing more tangible conflict).
A good place to start if you're seeking reconciliation in a relationship of any kind, though!
A good place to start if you're seeking reconciliation in a relationship of any kind, though!
January 7, 2019
This is a short, pithy, and fairly helpful look at God's design for putting an end to strife. From what I can tell, it's a condensed version of Sande's longer book, The Peacemaker, and I'm sure he goes into greater depth on a number of his points in that book. That is to say, this is more of a starting place that provides a concise set of principles than an exhaustive resource on conflict resolution. And as the title states, this is geared more toward day-to-day, run-of-the-mill kinds of conflict as opposed to catastrophic relational meltdowns. Still, the book is a good reminder of the sinful sources of strife and a useful introduction to the basics of restoring peace. A few more real-life examples would have been helpful in driving his points home, but overall this seems like a good resource.
(I listened to the audiobook and finished the whole thing while doing just a couple of days's worth of housework.)
(I listened to the audiobook and finished the whole thing while doing just a couple of days's worth of housework.)
April 2, 2024
Livro centrado sobre pedir perdão e reconciliar se o leitor fizer parte de um conflito.
Podia ser mais profundo no tema e demora bastante a chegar ao centro da questão.
Não ensina técnicas para mediar conflitos, que era a minha expectativa (pelo tÃtulo, pensei que sim).
O livro serve unicamente para católicos praticantes, baseado na BÃblia (não estava à espera) e por isso limita as poucas intervenções descritas a apenas pessoas católicas praticantes.
Ficou aquém das expectativas.
Podia ser mais profundo no tema e demora bastante a chegar ao centro da questão.
Não ensina técnicas para mediar conflitos, que era a minha expectativa (pelo tÃtulo, pensei que sim).
O livro serve unicamente para católicos praticantes, baseado na BÃblia (não estava à espera) e por isso limita as poucas intervenções descritas a apenas pessoas católicas praticantes.
Ficou aquém das expectativas.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 21, 2021
This short book did a beautiful job of bringing the gospel to light and how that should impact the way we relate to others. This is not a self help book. This is a book about understanding what Jesus did for us on the cross and how our response is to love others.
“As we delight in the gospel, we can replace our desire for self vindication with a desire to please and honor God…We can find joy in offering to others the undeserved forgiveness that we have received from Christ. The gospel is the joy and delight and perfect road map of every true peacemaker!�
“As we delight in the gospel, we can replace our desire for self vindication with a desire to please and honor God…We can find joy in offering to others the undeserved forgiveness that we have received from Christ. The gospel is the joy and delight and perfect road map of every true peacemaker!�
Read
May 8, 2017Excellent! Instead of trying and failing to read the much larger and original work, *The Peacemaker*, this little 107 page condensed version is a great place to start. Sande is the gold standard on this issue.
Read
May 23, 2020Great book offering practical ways to handle conflict in a God-honoring way. Each chapter has stories to illustrate different challenges when handling conflict and how using these practices can reduce conflict and begin a path of improved relationship with others.
February 17, 2020
This is a very helpful, short, and practical book on biblical conflict resolution.
August 30, 2021
Short, practical, and gospel-soaked. I think the chapter on the gospel and how it impacts our daily lives was my favorite. Beautiful.
October 25, 2022
A good shorter version of Sande's longer book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 29, 2023
If you're anything like me this book will be very difficult and very necessary to put into practice. Very gospel centred. Very practical. Pretty convicting
March 27, 2025
5 stars because it serves its purpose well—a helpful guide to everyday conflict. This is the kind of book that would serve people well to have on their shelf, easy to access when needed.
June 8, 2021
Christian approach to conflict
February 2, 2023
Short book with practical and accessible truth. Seems to be a great resource for many levels of discipleship in the church.
November 12, 2024
Years ago, I read Ken Sandes book “The Peacemaker� and thought it good, but a bit too long. “Resolving Everyday Conflict� is essentially the “meat� of Sandes former book, a cliff notes summary that gives you the substance of “The Peacemaker� at a fraction of the length. All the principles covered are not necessarily new or earth shattering in and of themself, but the book is a helpful reminder of how Christians ought to approach conflict. The chapter on “giving forgiveness� was a highlight for me.
If you want an easily digestible and practical book on dealing with conflict in a God glorifying way, this book will give you a lot to think and act on.
If you want an easily digestible and practical book on dealing with conflict in a God glorifying way, this book will give you a lot to think and act on.
June 27, 2011
This review first appeared on my blog, Jacob's Café (jacobscafe.blogspot.com).
During my graduate program, I got to be involved in a research project exploring Muslim-Christian interfaith peacemaking. It included dialogue between evangelical Christians and Muslims from across the country to create a new peacemaking manual. My dissertation was a secondary study on this initial project, too, so I became very familiar with ideas of faith-based peacemaking.
Since that time, I have been very interested in the few faith-based peacemaking programs in existence, particularly those that are of any good quality. Peacemaking Ministries has been one that I have been following for a few years that I have really liked. They offer a variety of paid and free resources, including a weekly email devotional.
Ken Sande, the founder of Peacemaking Ministries, wrote Resolving Daily Conflict along with Kevin Johnson. This book provides some very strong peacemaking techniques that are well grounded in both the Bible and peacemaking theory.
The thing that frustrated me in my peacemaking research is that many of the peacemaking suggestions were rather repetitive and separated from actual practice. Sande's work is augmented by his own peacemaking work, which makes it far more credible. However, being familiar with the peacemaking literature, the techniques are not that novel.
There were two elements of this book that I really appreciated. The first was the broad definition of peacemaking. Rather than just looking at traditional violence, Sande and Johnson note how managing daily conflict is actually peacemaking,
The more notable element coincided with one of the conclusions of my dissertation, that peacemaking activity needs to be rooted in the development of a peacemaking heart. What I noted is that virtually all peacemaking literature solely looks at actions. The problem with that is action without real intent will fall flat, hence the relatively ineffectiveness of peacemaking training programs and interventions to revolutionize the world. I proposed that developing more of heart of peacemaking would make the techniques more successful.
Sande and Johnson's work is the first and only text that explains peacemaking strategies that actually explores and encourages developing such a peacemaking heart. They initiated their tome through explaining how peacemaking is central to God's heart, the Christian faith, and Christian living. They emphasized how important it is to be close with God and have our hearts shaped by God in order to be effective peacemakers.
Again, although the actual peacemaking strategies are nothing new, the emphasis on heart and connection to God puts this text far above other resources that I have encountered.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.�
During my graduate program, I got to be involved in a research project exploring Muslim-Christian interfaith peacemaking. It included dialogue between evangelical Christians and Muslims from across the country to create a new peacemaking manual. My dissertation was a secondary study on this initial project, too, so I became very familiar with ideas of faith-based peacemaking.
Since that time, I have been very interested in the few faith-based peacemaking programs in existence, particularly those that are of any good quality. Peacemaking Ministries has been one that I have been following for a few years that I have really liked. They offer a variety of paid and free resources, including a weekly email devotional.
Ken Sande, the founder of Peacemaking Ministries, wrote Resolving Daily Conflict along with Kevin Johnson. This book provides some very strong peacemaking techniques that are well grounded in both the Bible and peacemaking theory.
The thing that frustrated me in my peacemaking research is that many of the peacemaking suggestions were rather repetitive and separated from actual practice. Sande's work is augmented by his own peacemaking work, which makes it far more credible. However, being familiar with the peacemaking literature, the techniques are not that novel.
There were two elements of this book that I really appreciated. The first was the broad definition of peacemaking. Rather than just looking at traditional violence, Sande and Johnson note how managing daily conflict is actually peacemaking,
The more notable element coincided with one of the conclusions of my dissertation, that peacemaking activity needs to be rooted in the development of a peacemaking heart. What I noted is that virtually all peacemaking literature solely looks at actions. The problem with that is action without real intent will fall flat, hence the relatively ineffectiveness of peacemaking training programs and interventions to revolutionize the world. I proposed that developing more of heart of peacemaking would make the techniques more successful.
Sande and Johnson's work is the first and only text that explains peacemaking strategies that actually explores and encourages developing such a peacemaking heart. They initiated their tome through explaining how peacemaking is central to God's heart, the Christian faith, and Christian living. They emphasized how important it is to be close with God and have our hearts shaped by God in order to be effective peacemakers.
Again, although the actual peacemaking strategies are nothing new, the emphasis on heart and connection to God puts this text far above other resources that I have encountered.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.�
May 15, 2012
Essentially a condensed version of Sande's excellent and well-known Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. I'm not exactly sure why Sande felt the need to publish this particular volume, since the original book, while substantial (320 pages), was a fairly easy read. Perhaps there really was a need for a booklet sized adaptation of Sande's curriculum, but it ends up feeling like an attempt to drum up further sales for Sande.
This little volume, at 128 pages or just under three hours for the audiobook form, did seem to capture the essence of Sande's trademark concepts (the four promises of forgiveness, the slippery slope of conflict, the four G's of conflict, etc.). I was struck by the confidence of some of Sande's predictions--he seemed to reiterate in no uncertain terms that his methodology would change your life, that his system works, and that it's right. Granted, pretty much anyone who writes a how-to book believes that he or she is right about how to do whatever he or she is writing about, but I don't remember that tone of absolute certainty in the original. At times, he almost sounded like a snake oil salesman guaranteeing positive results--it ended up having a slight negative effect on his credibility. Later in the book, he explains that you can't force others to reconcile, and it becomes apparent that some conflicts are messier than others. Still, he's awfully confident that his way is the right way.
And for what it's worth, I do think his suggestions are quite good, and I've benefited from them myself. I find his four promises of forgiveness particularly helpful in thinking through the process and definition of forgiveness.
Bottom line: the original is better, so if you're interested in Sande's admittedly insightful suggestions for conflict resolution, just read Peacemaker instead. It's well worth the extra $2 Amazon will charge you. If, however, 320 pages just seems like too dang many, well, this book may be for you.
This little volume, at 128 pages or just under three hours for the audiobook form, did seem to capture the essence of Sande's trademark concepts (the four promises of forgiveness, the slippery slope of conflict, the four G's of conflict, etc.). I was struck by the confidence of some of Sande's predictions--he seemed to reiterate in no uncertain terms that his methodology would change your life, that his system works, and that it's right. Granted, pretty much anyone who writes a how-to book believes that he or she is right about how to do whatever he or she is writing about, but I don't remember that tone of absolute certainty in the original. At times, he almost sounded like a snake oil salesman guaranteeing positive results--it ended up having a slight negative effect on his credibility. Later in the book, he explains that you can't force others to reconcile, and it becomes apparent that some conflicts are messier than others. Still, he's awfully confident that his way is the right way.
And for what it's worth, I do think his suggestions are quite good, and I've benefited from them myself. I find his four promises of forgiveness particularly helpful in thinking through the process and definition of forgiveness.
Bottom line: the original is better, so if you're interested in Sande's admittedly insightful suggestions for conflict resolution, just read Peacemaker instead. It's well worth the extra $2 Amazon will charge you. If, however, 320 pages just seems like too dang many, well, this book may be for you.
September 4, 2013
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
This is a great book little book, about 100 pages - full of practical expressions of Biblical principles that actually work when it comes to conflict resolution.
Not all conflict is highly confrontational - use the teachings from this book to improve your marriage, family and other personal relationships - we all know we need to!
Discover how the 5 G's can guide you through the resolution of any tense situation, and onwards to reconciliation and forgiveness.
Grab your copy now, and put in to practice what it teaches - it will change your life!
This is a great book little book, about 100 pages - full of practical expressions of Biblical principles that actually work when it comes to conflict resolution.
Not all conflict is highly confrontational - use the teachings from this book to improve your marriage, family and other personal relationships - we all know we need to!
Discover how the 5 G's can guide you through the resolution of any tense situation, and onwards to reconciliation and forgiveness.
Grab your copy now, and put in to practice what it teaches - it will change your life!
October 22, 2014
"Peace is worth our greatest effort."
Kevin Johnson writes clearly and to the point. He tells us why we should always work to resolve conflict, reconcile, and to do it for the glory of God. Using scripture, he emphasizes key points to make you realize what you may be doing wrong that is starting conflict, and how to improve your relationship with anyone that you have conflict with.
Some of my favorite points that Johnson helps you to understand better: Glorify God. Get the Log Out. Generally Restore. Go and Be Reconciled. Johnson reminded me that you can change your heart and what is in other's hearts; it's a simple thing, but sometimes forgotten... it's PRAYER.
Biblical principles are utilized to underline what it means when you forgive someone or are forgiven yourself. I truly loved his commentary on what he calls "The 4 Promises of Forgiveness." I never realized that there are so many emotional things happening inside when you tell someone else "I forgive you!"
However, the ideal that will stick with me and aid me the most is "The 7 A's of Apologies" found in chapter 5. There are so many actions that should be carried out with an apology. It's definitely not enough just to mumble the words "I'm sorry" like a toddler can, but to be able to admit specifically why you're apologizing, tell how you're going to alter your behavior, accept the consequences, and more. (Every time you apologize.)
This is an excellent book that I believe any Christian can benefit from. Also, if you're into listening to books, the audio version is done in excellent quality.
Kevin Johnson writes clearly and to the point. He tells us why we should always work to resolve conflict, reconcile, and to do it for the glory of God. Using scripture, he emphasizes key points to make you realize what you may be doing wrong that is starting conflict, and how to improve your relationship with anyone that you have conflict with.
Some of my favorite points that Johnson helps you to understand better: Glorify God. Get the Log Out. Generally Restore. Go and Be Reconciled. Johnson reminded me that you can change your heart and what is in other's hearts; it's a simple thing, but sometimes forgotten... it's PRAYER.
Biblical principles are utilized to underline what it means when you forgive someone or are forgiven yourself. I truly loved his commentary on what he calls "The 4 Promises of Forgiveness." I never realized that there are so many emotional things happening inside when you tell someone else "I forgive you!"
However, the ideal that will stick with me and aid me the most is "The 7 A's of Apologies" found in chapter 5. There are so many actions that should be carried out with an apology. It's definitely not enough just to mumble the words "I'm sorry" like a toddler can, but to be able to admit specifically why you're apologizing, tell how you're going to alter your behavior, accept the consequences, and more. (Every time you apologize.)
This is an excellent book that I believe any Christian can benefit from. Also, if you're into listening to books, the audio version is done in excellent quality.
September 17, 2012
As the title suggests, this is a very practical book on a relevant topic. Everyone experiences conflict. It is not possible in a fallen world of sinners to avoid it. I am afraid that many of us just accept that fact and determine to live with it, which means we have a growing mountain of unresolved offenses that is going to landslide on us someday. Unresolved offenses is fertile ground for bitterness to take root.
Ken Sande brings biblical truths to bear on this topic and highlights with personal experiences of conflict, forgiveness, and reconciliation. He gets at the heart of peacemaking and distinguishes between it and peacefaking. He treats the offender and the offended. He also gives some consideration to whether an offense can be passed over. That issue and forgiveness need a fuller biblical treatment, but he does give some good thoughts.
We must realize that Jesus commands us to resolve our conflicts, whether we are offended or the offender (Matthew 5:22-26; 18:15-17). This is to be done soon, humbly, and as privately as possible. This book will be helpful to you as you strive to live peaceably with all men in obedience to Christ's demands.
Ken Sande brings biblical truths to bear on this topic and highlights with personal experiences of conflict, forgiveness, and reconciliation. He gets at the heart of peacemaking and distinguishes between it and peacefaking. He treats the offender and the offended. He also gives some consideration to whether an offense can be passed over. That issue and forgiveness need a fuller biblical treatment, but he does give some good thoughts.
We must realize that Jesus commands us to resolve our conflicts, whether we are offended or the offender (Matthew 5:22-26; 18:15-17). This is to be done soon, humbly, and as privately as possible. This book will be helpful to you as you strive to live peaceably with all men in obedience to Christ's demands.
December 1, 2011
This is an excellent audio on this very difficult subject. It’s simple and incredibly practical and that what makes it very easy to listen to. The authors have made it a very straightforward issue, that has left me with no doubt as to what conflict is, and how to deal with it. It’s a fairly short audio which didn’t drag me down with lots of unnecessary theology, although there are plenty of biblical references in it. The narrator Maurice England has a very listenable voice. I felt like I was sitting having coffee with a trusted friend giving me sound godly advice, with a loving attitude.
I liked the different examples given about everyday conflicts that were easily resolved.
I would recommend this book to everyone, as we all face conflict all the time and probably could do with some practical help to know how to deal with it properly.
Thanks to christianaudio.com Reviewers Program for the free copy of this audio.
I liked the different examples given about everyday conflicts that were easily resolved.
I would recommend this book to everyone, as we all face conflict all the time and probably could do with some practical help to know how to deal with it properly.
Thanks to christianaudio.com Reviewers Program for the free copy of this audio.
March 7, 2019
Basically it says apply the gospel to every situation. Then act based on the implications and teachings of the gospel.
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