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How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age
AN UP-TO-THE -MINUTE ADAPTATI ON OF DALE CARNEGIE ’S TI MELE SS PRESCRIPTI ONS FOR THE DIGITAL AGE DALE CARNEGIE’s commonsense approach to communicating has endured for a century, touching millions and millions of readers. The only diploma that hangs in Warren Buffett’s office is his certificate from Dale Carnegie Training. Lee Iacocca credits Carnegie for giving him the courage to speak in public. Dilbert creator Scott Adams called Carnegie’s teachings “life-changing.� In today’s world, where more and more of our communication takes place across wires and screens, Carnegie’s lessons have not only lasted but become all the more critical. Though he never could have predicted technology’s trajectory, Carnegie proves a wise and helpful teacher in this digital landscape. To demonstrate the many ways his lessons remain relevant, Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc., has reimagined his prescriptions and his advice for this difficult digital age. We may communicate today with different tools and with greater speed, but Carnegie’s advice on how to communicate, lead, and work efficiently remains priceless across the ages.
251 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 4, 2011
4,257 people are currently reading
24.1k people want to read
About the author
Dale Carnegie
1,336books8,705followersDale Carnegie was an American writer and teacher of courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. Born into poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), a bestseller that remains popular today. He also wrote How to Stop Worrying and Start Living (1948), Lincoln the Unknown (1932), and several other books.
One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's behavior towards them.
One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's behavior towards them.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,148 reviews
December 5, 2011
Simple advice: Listen. Remember people's names. Smile. And yet, I forget.
My only criticism: I would have liked more examples that related to the digital realm. If I'd read the original "How to Win Friends", I may not have found enough new information to be satisfied.
Favorite Tidbits
You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
The two highest levels of influence are achieved when (1) people follow you because of what you've done for them and (2) people follow you because of who you are.
Fae-to-face was the expectation. Today it is the exception.
It thus seems to be the case, online as well as offline, that when you smile, the world smiles with you.
Outside of emoticons...there is only one medium in which you can convey a digital smile - your voice, whether it is written or spoken. How you write an email, the tone you use, and the words you choose are critical tools of friendliness and subsequent influence.
Always begin an end the message on a positive note rather than a pessimistic or detached one. [i.e. compliment sandwich]
[T]he size of our brains limits our ability to manage social circles to around 150 friends, regardless of our sociability.
So much of our time online is spent arguing or feeding arguments...Few of these arguments change people's minds. Because the arguments are digitally veiled and lack the clear-cut consequences of tangible confrontations, both parties can get away with devolving into snarky personal attacks and passive ambiguity - the least effective tools of human relations.
All effective problem solving...begins with an emptying of the mind - of what we know or what we think we should know.
Admit that you may be wrong. Concede that the other person may be right. Be agreeable. Ask questions. And above all, consider the situation from the other's perspective and show that person respect.
When we recognize and admit our errors, the response from others is typically forgiveness and generosity.
We are more inclined to agree with another person or see things from his perspective when we have friendly feelings toward him.
If you believe building a friendly rapport will be critical to achieving a certain outcome, using texts, chats, or other short forms of communication isn't likely to get you very far.
Either you can seek success for those who are already friends or you can seek success for those who are already friends.
When your journey is our journey, we are both compelled to see where it goes.
[Three-for-one rule: You must write down three positive things about a person before you can attempt to address any behavior that you perceive as negative.]
When we talk about our mistakes, it makes us human. It becomes easier for people to relate to us...By admitting your own mistakes, you direct the other person's attention away from his own; you soften the approach and avoid raising his defenses immediately.
The leader understands that mistakes and failures surface from all corners of life and, therefore, should be treated as isolated and redeemable instances rather than fatal flaws.
It is to your advantage to pull people out of their dejected state as quickly as possibly. Do so by calling out their mistakes quietly and returning them to a place of confidence and strength.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
My only criticism: I would have liked more examples that related to the digital realm. If I'd read the original "How to Win Friends", I may not have found enough new information to be satisfied.
Favorite Tidbits
You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
The two highest levels of influence are achieved when (1) people follow you because of what you've done for them and (2) people follow you because of who you are.
Fae-to-face was the expectation. Today it is the exception.
It thus seems to be the case, online as well as offline, that when you smile, the world smiles with you.
Outside of emoticons...there is only one medium in which you can convey a digital smile - your voice, whether it is written or spoken. How you write an email, the tone you use, and the words you choose are critical tools of friendliness and subsequent influence.
Always begin an end the message on a positive note rather than a pessimistic or detached one. [i.e. compliment sandwich]
[T]he size of our brains limits our ability to manage social circles to around 150 friends, regardless of our sociability.
So much of our time online is spent arguing or feeding arguments...Few of these arguments change people's minds. Because the arguments are digitally veiled and lack the clear-cut consequences of tangible confrontations, both parties can get away with devolving into snarky personal attacks and passive ambiguity - the least effective tools of human relations.
All effective problem solving...begins with an emptying of the mind - of what we know or what we think we should know.
Admit that you may be wrong. Concede that the other person may be right. Be agreeable. Ask questions. And above all, consider the situation from the other's perspective and show that person respect.
When we recognize and admit our errors, the response from others is typically forgiveness and generosity.
We are more inclined to agree with another person or see things from his perspective when we have friendly feelings toward him.
If you believe building a friendly rapport will be critical to achieving a certain outcome, using texts, chats, or other short forms of communication isn't likely to get you very far.
Either you can seek success for those who are already friends or you can seek success for those who are already friends.
When your journey is our journey, we are both compelled to see where it goes.
[Three-for-one rule: You must write down three positive things about a person before you can attempt to address any behavior that you perceive as negative.]
When we talk about our mistakes, it makes us human. It becomes easier for people to relate to us...By admitting your own mistakes, you direct the other person's attention away from his own; you soften the approach and avoid raising his defenses immediately.
The leader understands that mistakes and failures surface from all corners of life and, therefore, should be treated as isolated and redeemable instances rather than fatal flaws.
It is to your advantage to pull people out of their dejected state as quickly as possibly. Do so by calling out their mistakes quietly and returning them to a place of confidence and strength.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
December 8, 2017
Picked this up after hearing a positive review from a friend to see if this book has any insight I could use in my social media interactions. While I agree with and appreciate the principles in this book, it is full of stories and examples that drive home WHY certain tactics work or don't work, but it lacks practical advice on HOW to implement most of the strategies. It's like "look at all this research and these people who prove that X is the right thing to do! Now go do it!" when in many cases it isn't that simple.
While it had great insight, it's definitely aimed more toward professional accounts and didn't seem super relevant to many of the interactions I have on my personal social media.
While it had great insight, it's definitely aimed more toward professional accounts and didn't seem super relevant to many of the interactions I have on my personal social media.
June 18, 2012
The original Carnegie classic "How to to Win Friends and Influence People" is a 10 out of 10 of classic books. "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" was a pick me up I read when I was 23, and influenced me greatly.
So why the low score here. Well, the big thing that is missing is the Carnegie voice. The stories here are more relevant to our era - rival directors at a fortune 100 company, using the King's Speech as a movie to reference overcoming struggle...but it doesn't ring as authentic or inspriing as Carnegie's everyday sunshine. Further, "The Digital Age" is like an add on, since there is really nothing substantial written about using technology to improve relations with friends.
So the book feels oddly pedestrian and indistinguishable from the Carnegie classics. Such advice may be timelist and improve your life dramatically. But to those of us who have red the original rife with humor and a charismatic voice - we know why Carnegie is so beloved.
So why the low score here. Well, the big thing that is missing is the Carnegie voice. The stories here are more relevant to our era - rival directors at a fortune 100 company, using the King's Speech as a movie to reference overcoming struggle...but it doesn't ring as authentic or inspriing as Carnegie's everyday sunshine. Further, "The Digital Age" is like an add on, since there is really nothing substantial written about using technology to improve relations with friends.
So the book feels oddly pedestrian and indistinguishable from the Carnegie classics. Such advice may be timelist and improve your life dramatically. But to those of us who have red the original rife with humor and a charismatic voice - we know why Carnegie is so beloved.
June 22, 2015
This book is absolutely fantastic. You have to read it. Since there are a great too many things to say, I will try to summarize those most important quotes / advices / teachings in short phrases so that you can have a general idea of it. For me, the most important lessons from Dale's revealing book are:
(1) "NOBODY IS EVER GUILTY; NOT EVEN SERIAL KILLERS", so, don´t expect self-condemnation from anyone. If you need to call someone's attention for some wrong doing, and bring the person to your side, don´t scold, demoralize or criticise, and specially, never throw YOU MUST DO´s in faces. Scary enough, resentments can be deadly and burn a lifetime;
(2) "THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO GET ANYBODY TO DO ANYTHING, MAKING THE PERSON WANT TO DO". Never forget that you can only get the best that is in a person by appreciation and encouragement. Humans go insane to get a feeling of importance. They need compliments as much as food and those will sing in their minds for years to come. BUT heartily appreciation, not flattery!
(3) "LEAD PEOPLE TO WHAT YOU WANT GENTLY": if you can manage the conversation to say what the other want to hear and gently induce and persuade the other to do what you want, you will have the world at your feet. NEVER EVER STORM. Look for the other person´s point of view. Make the other person think that it is fun, nice and cool.
(4) "DO GET INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON - GENUINELY ". When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first? Since people are only interested in themselves, not in you, not in me, you can make many more friends if you are more interested in what they say than in talking about you. Care especially about humble people. BUT we may be interested in the other if he is interested in us. Listen to the other.
(5) BABIES AND DOGS SMILE! THAT IS WHY WE LIKE THEM! SMILE! You must smile, act as happy, be happy, trigger happiness. Nobody is too rich not to need it; not too poor to give it.
(6) "A PERSON´S NAME IS FOR THAT PERSON THE SWEETEST AND MOST IMPORTANT SOUND IN ANY LANGUAGE". I have a personal great example of it: one day I booked a flight from New York to London in a big American airline company, but when I got to the airport, I realized that I had missed my seat to a large group of people travelling together. I went to the company desk to complain and when I got there, there was a lady whose name, Véronique, was in his identification card. I calmly pronounced her name in perfect French, when she blushed. She smiled and with wide open eyes said that nobody ever in the United States had said her name correctly, in French. She assured me that she would find me another seat. When she came back, with a big smile of gratitude she said that she was glad to be able to provide me with a seat in the first class.
(7) "BE A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST! LISTEN!" All that the other want is to be listened. Listen with sincerity. Intently. Wholeheartedly. Lavishly praise. Appreciate. Gaze. Listen with the eyes and mind. Don´t talk about yourself. Don´t interrupt.
(8) "BE INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON´S INTEREST". If possible, find out in advance what the other person likes. Talk about this.
(9) "THE PERSON WILL LIKE YOU INSTANTLY IF YOU SEE AND SAY SOMETHING NICE AT FIRST SIGHT". Everyone feel superior to you in some way. Make sure you recognize and appreciate it. Talk to the person about themselves, sincerely.
(10) "YOU CANNOT WIN AN ARGUMENT". It is not easy, but thank your opponent for showing you something!!!!! First agree, then present your argument, softly. To win an argument is as futile as being wrong. Let the other expand the ego. Pick the points of agreement. Apologize.
(11) "NEVER SAY DIRECTLY YOU ARE WRONG". It hurts, because it struck their intelligence, judgement, pride, and self-respect. MAGIC: "I may be wrong". You never get in trouble by admitting you are wrong - it rather inspire justice.
(12) "ADMIT YOU ARE WRONG BEFORE TOLD". Trigger mercy. There is pleasure in admitting errors and you knock down the other.
(13) "NEVER SAY NO, NEVER". The 'yes' therapy gets your body ready to accept. Moves the other person from the 'no' realm, towards the affirmative direction. Instead of saying no, ask a question that demands a yes.
Finally, "BE SYMPATHETIC TO THE OTHER PERSON´S IDEAS AND DESIRES". It is universal: children show bruises, adults, surgery details. We all crave for sympathy.
There are much more to be said, but I hope to have stimulated you to read this fantastic book and find and learn still a great deal.
(1) "NOBODY IS EVER GUILTY; NOT EVEN SERIAL KILLERS", so, don´t expect self-condemnation from anyone. If you need to call someone's attention for some wrong doing, and bring the person to your side, don´t scold, demoralize or criticise, and specially, never throw YOU MUST DO´s in faces. Scary enough, resentments can be deadly and burn a lifetime;
(2) "THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO GET ANYBODY TO DO ANYTHING, MAKING THE PERSON WANT TO DO". Never forget that you can only get the best that is in a person by appreciation and encouragement. Humans go insane to get a feeling of importance. They need compliments as much as food and those will sing in their minds for years to come. BUT heartily appreciation, not flattery!
(3) "LEAD PEOPLE TO WHAT YOU WANT GENTLY": if you can manage the conversation to say what the other want to hear and gently induce and persuade the other to do what you want, you will have the world at your feet. NEVER EVER STORM. Look for the other person´s point of view. Make the other person think that it is fun, nice and cool.
(4) "DO GET INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON - GENUINELY ". When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first? Since people are only interested in themselves, not in you, not in me, you can make many more friends if you are more interested in what they say than in talking about you. Care especially about humble people. BUT we may be interested in the other if he is interested in us. Listen to the other.
(5) BABIES AND DOGS SMILE! THAT IS WHY WE LIKE THEM! SMILE! You must smile, act as happy, be happy, trigger happiness. Nobody is too rich not to need it; not too poor to give it.
(6) "A PERSON´S NAME IS FOR THAT PERSON THE SWEETEST AND MOST IMPORTANT SOUND IN ANY LANGUAGE". I have a personal great example of it: one day I booked a flight from New York to London in a big American airline company, but when I got to the airport, I realized that I had missed my seat to a large group of people travelling together. I went to the company desk to complain and when I got there, there was a lady whose name, Véronique, was in his identification card. I calmly pronounced her name in perfect French, when she blushed. She smiled and with wide open eyes said that nobody ever in the United States had said her name correctly, in French. She assured me that she would find me another seat. When she came back, with a big smile of gratitude she said that she was glad to be able to provide me with a seat in the first class.
(7) "BE A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST! LISTEN!" All that the other want is to be listened. Listen with sincerity. Intently. Wholeheartedly. Lavishly praise. Appreciate. Gaze. Listen with the eyes and mind. Don´t talk about yourself. Don´t interrupt.
(8) "BE INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON´S INTEREST". If possible, find out in advance what the other person likes. Talk about this.
(9) "THE PERSON WILL LIKE YOU INSTANTLY IF YOU SEE AND SAY SOMETHING NICE AT FIRST SIGHT". Everyone feel superior to you in some way. Make sure you recognize and appreciate it. Talk to the person about themselves, sincerely.
(10) "YOU CANNOT WIN AN ARGUMENT". It is not easy, but thank your opponent for showing you something!!!!! First agree, then present your argument, softly. To win an argument is as futile as being wrong. Let the other expand the ego. Pick the points of agreement. Apologize.
(11) "NEVER SAY DIRECTLY YOU ARE WRONG". It hurts, because it struck their intelligence, judgement, pride, and self-respect. MAGIC: "I may be wrong". You never get in trouble by admitting you are wrong - it rather inspire justice.
(12) "ADMIT YOU ARE WRONG BEFORE TOLD". Trigger mercy. There is pleasure in admitting errors and you knock down the other.
(13) "NEVER SAY NO, NEVER". The 'yes' therapy gets your body ready to accept. Moves the other person from the 'no' realm, towards the affirmative direction. Instead of saying no, ask a question that demands a yes.
Finally, "BE SYMPATHETIC TO THE OTHER PERSON´S IDEAS AND DESIRES". It is universal: children show bruises, adults, surgery details. We all crave for sympathy.
There are much more to be said, but I hope to have stimulated you to read this fantastic book and find and learn still a great deal.
July 14, 2020
تسع وثلاثين جزء او نصيحة لكسب الأشخاص مهما كانت علاقتك بهم أصدقاء زملاء او حتى أزواج ..بالحقيقة تحتاج تقرأ العنوان فقط لكل جزء والباقي حشو وقصص من الكاتب ..أظن نحن كمسلمين من المفترض ان نكون رواد لهذا النصائح ،لان الكثير منها قد تكرر في السنة النبوية
December 12, 2011
This is the classic information. Even though it claims to be updated for the digital age- It isn't.
The contents tells the story:
essentials of engagement:
bury your boomerangs
affirm what's good
connect with core desires
6 ways to make a lasting impression"
take interest in others' interests
smile
reign with the names
listen longer
discuss what matters to them
leave others a little bit better
to merit and maintain trust:
never say: you are wrong
admit faults quickly and emphatically
begin in a friendly way
access affinity
surrender the credit
engage with empathy
appeal to noble motives
share your journey
throw down a challenge
Lead change with out resistance:
begin on a positive note
acknowledge your baggage
call out mistakes quietly
ask questions instead of give direct orders
mitigate fault
magnify improvement
give others a fine reputation to live up to
stay connected on common ground
The contents tells the story:
essentials of engagement:
bury your boomerangs
affirm what's good
connect with core desires
6 ways to make a lasting impression"
take interest in others' interests
smile
reign with the names
listen longer
discuss what matters to them
leave others a little bit better
to merit and maintain trust:
never say: you are wrong
admit faults quickly and emphatically
begin in a friendly way
access affinity
surrender the credit
engage with empathy
appeal to noble motives
share your journey
throw down a challenge
Lead change with out resistance:
begin on a positive note
acknowledge your baggage
call out mistakes quietly
ask questions instead of give direct orders
mitigate fault
magnify improvement
give others a fine reputation to live up to
stay connected on common ground
October 2, 2019
The original may have been good, I don't know as I haven't read it. But this version seems to be the transcript a business training company uses to teach the principles of Carnegie's original work, not a book written by a book author. The tone of the book flops back and forth between what I think are Carnegie quotes and the modern lecturer's language. Anecdotes are all over the place and far too often raise questions that are unrelated to the point the author is trying to make. And, just as often, the stories have no effective lead in so I never know why the anecdote is being shared until after the fact.
January 21, 2019
This book does have a lot of good, practical advice about how to deal with people: be genuine, smile, know people's names, start with praise, criticize in private, etc.
But it also lacks depth in several areas. For example, it claims it's for the digital age, but it doesn't actually give much practical advice about how to use these skills on the internet. I also lacks practical advice for when things go wrong despite your best intentions. And this is advice for white men, it doesn't talk about how things can be different for women and/or people of color. And every now and then, I'd even call it sexist.
One minor pet peeve: the author constantly says "But we live in a modern age..." No one is confused by that. None of your readers think they live in Ancient Egypt. Probably.
So I have mixed feelings. I can see how it could be a great book for Freshman college students to read, as a sorter of primer on interpersonal relationships. But I also wish there were a better book out there.
But it also lacks depth in several areas. For example, it claims it's for the digital age, but it doesn't actually give much practical advice about how to use these skills on the internet. I also lacks practical advice for when things go wrong despite your best intentions. And this is advice for white men, it doesn't talk about how things can be different for women and/or people of color. And every now and then, I'd even call it sexist.
One minor pet peeve: the author constantly says "But we live in a modern age..." No one is confused by that. None of your readers think they live in Ancient Egypt. Probably.
So I have mixed feelings. I can see how it could be a great book for Freshman college students to read, as a sorter of primer on interpersonal relationships. But I also wish there were a better book out there.
October 16, 2022
This was dreadful. Originally published in 1936, How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie remains one of the most popular self help books in print and one of the best-selling books of all time. Despite being decades old when I got around to reading it many moons ago, the core principles were still relevant and I continue to be mindful of these lessons years later.
When I saw that Dale Carnegie & Associates published an audiobook with an update for the digital age in How to Win Friends & Influence People in the Digital Age, I thought it might be worth a listen. Perhaps with the advent of social media and online presences, there'd be a lot of new ground to cover, despite being released more than 10 years ago.
Unfortunately not. This was a disappointing listen with nothing earth shatteringly new or even mildly interesting to add to the Carnegie repertoire of human connection. I just retrieved my foxed and yellowed copy of How to Win Friends & Influence People from my bookshelf to compare chapter headings and what do you know, they're very similar. In this audiobook, Part Three, Chapter 2 is called 'Never Say, You're Wrong'. In the original, Part Three, Chapter 3 is 'If You're Wrong, Admit it'. Hmmm.
With the success of the original I guess it's logical for opportunists to want to cash in on the enterprise but I really wish they wouldn't. Even if I'd read this on the day it was released in 2011 I wouldn't have been impressed. Reading it 11 years after publication left me feeling irritated by how the digital references are noticeably dated. How to Win Friends & Influence People in the Digital Age is a book that has dated very quickly without adding much of consequence to the original, so I couldn't recommend this as having any value for readers today.
Read the original and move on.
When I saw that Dale Carnegie & Associates published an audiobook with an update for the digital age in How to Win Friends & Influence People in the Digital Age, I thought it might be worth a listen. Perhaps with the advent of social media and online presences, there'd be a lot of new ground to cover, despite being released more than 10 years ago.
Unfortunately not. This was a disappointing listen with nothing earth shatteringly new or even mildly interesting to add to the Carnegie repertoire of human connection. I just retrieved my foxed and yellowed copy of How to Win Friends & Influence People from my bookshelf to compare chapter headings and what do you know, they're very similar. In this audiobook, Part Three, Chapter 2 is called 'Never Say, You're Wrong'. In the original, Part Three, Chapter 3 is 'If You're Wrong, Admit it'. Hmmm.
With the success of the original I guess it's logical for opportunists to want to cash in on the enterprise but I really wish they wouldn't. Even if I'd read this on the day it was released in 2011 I wouldn't have been impressed. Reading it 11 years after publication left me feeling irritated by how the digital references are noticeably dated. How to Win Friends & Influence People in the Digital Age is a book that has dated very quickly without adding much of consequence to the original, so I couldn't recommend this as having any value for readers today.
Read the original and move on.
February 13, 2017
Most of this is common sense, but that's not to say that everyone practices common sense (especially in 'the digital age') so it definitely has its use. I love that all the points made in the original book still apply today, because at the end of the day it's about people - not the form of communication.
I haven't read the original, but from what I understand this version isn't really any different other than the examples being set on social media and email. While most people could still read the original and get the same message, I really do think that you'd get more 'aha' moments out of this updated version as it really does spell it out for you in a way you can implement now.
I'd heard of the original years and years ago, and was put off by the title. I honestly don't know why; maybe I thought it sounded like a handbook on manipulating people? But the points made in this book are useful and can be extremely helpful to anyone struggling with communication - whether it be business, family or friends related. I can see why the original is a classic, and I'm a big fan of this newest edition.
I haven't read the original, but from what I understand this version isn't really any different other than the examples being set on social media and email. While most people could still read the original and get the same message, I really do think that you'd get more 'aha' moments out of this updated version as it really does spell it out for you in a way you can implement now.
I'd heard of the original years and years ago, and was put off by the title. I honestly don't know why; maybe I thought it sounded like a handbook on manipulating people? But the points made in this book are useful and can be extremely helpful to anyone struggling with communication - whether it be business, family or friends related. I can see why the original is a classic, and I'm a big fan of this newest edition.
July 21, 2020
كتاب رائع .. اتعلمت منه أشياء كثير للتعامل مع البشر .. اكتشفت أنني متقنة بعضها .. أنصح فيه .. أفكر أقرأ كتب آخرى للنفس الكاتب .. عجبني أسلوبه ..
July 23, 2024
The title of the book might be slightly decieving, yet the book itself is a great manual of how to be polite, how to listen activelly and how to speak without hurting one's feelings or self esteem. Great read :)
December 19, 2022
Menurut gw apa yg ada di buku ini terutama poin² yg dibahasnya itu benar² penting untuk kita atau siapapun itu yg masih pemula/baru terjun dalam dunia interaksi dan komunikasi.
Karena yg dibahas di buku ini akan ada terasa efeknya jika dilakukan secara nyata dan diterapkan dalam interaksi kita maupun komunikasi yg kita lakukan dengan orang lain.
Karena interaksi dan komunikasi adalah salah satu cara bagi kita untuk bertahan hidup dan beradaptasi, karena kita manusia sebagai makhluk sosial di dalam dunia yg interpersonal, tidak hanya melibatkan diri kita saja namun ada orang lain didalamnya. Karena dunia interpersonal yg kompleks, maka interaksi dan komunikasi bisa jadi hal yg memudarkan rasa "kompleks" itu.
Langsung aja, ini ada beberapa poin penting yg dari buku ini dan menurut gw sangat amat bagus buat diterapkan dalam interaksi dan komunikasi yg ingin kita lakukan.
- Awali dgn ramah dalam berinteraksi ataupun berkomunikasi dgn siapapun, jangan lupa senyum dan perhatikan gerakan dari bahasa tubuh kita.
- Buang Ego, ego adalah hal yg bisa merenggut semua, maka ga heran kadang ego bisa menjadi musuh kita dan secara ga sadar bisa mengendalikan kita. Ego juga bisa mengendalikan kita melalui interaksi atau komunikasi, seperti interaksi yg nirempati dan cenderung memanipulasi, atau komunikasi yg kurang sopan dan cenderung memamerkan keunggulan diri.
Dengan membuang ego atau mengesampingkan ego, maka hal seperti diatas tidak akan terjadi. Kita bisa melakukan interaksi dengan berempati dan bisa memengaruhi orang bukan dalam skala memanipulasi namun dalam skala menasihati dgn hati² bukan menasihati sambil membanggakan diri sendiri, dan juga memberikan arti lewat interaksi atau komunikasi yg sederhana dan tepat mengenai hatinya. Sehingga orang atau lawan bicara kita akan terus mengingat percakapan kita atau perkataan kita, tanpa ada paksaan dan penekanan, atau manipulasi serta polarisasi.
- Cara agar orang/lawan bicara kita bisa terus mengingat percakapan kita yaitu dgn sebut NAMA nya ditengah² percakapan. Karena jika kita menyebut nama seseorang dalam sebuah percakapan, maka bagi ia yg mendengarnya akan menjadi hal yg indah karena ia merasa masih diingat oleh orang dgn baik.
- Interaksi dan komunikasi dengan cara keterlibatan yang diutamakan, karena dengan keterlibatan kita jadi bisa merasakan apa yg dirasakan orang lain dan hal ini juga makin mempererat hubungan kita dgn orang lain. Terlibat dengan rasa empati bukan egosentris.
- Tunjukkan minat kita kepada orang lain ketika dalam sebuah percakapan. Alih-alih kita ingin mendominasi sebuah percakapan, alangkah baiknya kita simak apa yg diminati oleh orang lain, agar ia merasa lebih tertarik berkomunikasi dengan kita.
Dan hal ini membawa kita kepada hal yg lumayan penting namun kadang sering dispelekan, yaitu lebih banyak Mendengar dan Menyimak.
- Karena dengan Mendengar/Menyimak kita bisa mendapatkan sesuatu yang baru dari sebuah percakapan dan salah satu cara yg mudah bagi kita untuk bisa menghormati/menghargai orang lain adalah dengan mendengarkan lebih lama. Tahan hasrat kita untuk buru² berbicara. Dengarkan orang lain dulu.
Sebenarnya masih banyak hal lagi yg penting di buku ini, namun sebelum mengupas buku ini lebih jauh, alangkah baiknya pahami dasarnya dulu. Gw pun sama karena gw juga masih awam dalam dunia interaksi dan komunikasi dan informasi dari buku ini lumayan berguna buat gw juga untuk dipelajari kedepannya.
Jadi ini semua hanya murni opini yg gw tangkap dari informasi atau poin² yg ada di buku ini.
Kritik dan saran dipersilahkan. Terima Kasih sebelumnya.
Karena yg dibahas di buku ini akan ada terasa efeknya jika dilakukan secara nyata dan diterapkan dalam interaksi kita maupun komunikasi yg kita lakukan dengan orang lain.
Karena interaksi dan komunikasi adalah salah satu cara bagi kita untuk bertahan hidup dan beradaptasi, karena kita manusia sebagai makhluk sosial di dalam dunia yg interpersonal, tidak hanya melibatkan diri kita saja namun ada orang lain didalamnya. Karena dunia interpersonal yg kompleks, maka interaksi dan komunikasi bisa jadi hal yg memudarkan rasa "kompleks" itu.
Langsung aja, ini ada beberapa poin penting yg dari buku ini dan menurut gw sangat amat bagus buat diterapkan dalam interaksi dan komunikasi yg ingin kita lakukan.
- Awali dgn ramah dalam berinteraksi ataupun berkomunikasi dgn siapapun, jangan lupa senyum dan perhatikan gerakan dari bahasa tubuh kita.
- Buang Ego, ego adalah hal yg bisa merenggut semua, maka ga heran kadang ego bisa menjadi musuh kita dan secara ga sadar bisa mengendalikan kita. Ego juga bisa mengendalikan kita melalui interaksi atau komunikasi, seperti interaksi yg nirempati dan cenderung memanipulasi, atau komunikasi yg kurang sopan dan cenderung memamerkan keunggulan diri.
Dengan membuang ego atau mengesampingkan ego, maka hal seperti diatas tidak akan terjadi. Kita bisa melakukan interaksi dengan berempati dan bisa memengaruhi orang bukan dalam skala memanipulasi namun dalam skala menasihati dgn hati² bukan menasihati sambil membanggakan diri sendiri, dan juga memberikan arti lewat interaksi atau komunikasi yg sederhana dan tepat mengenai hatinya. Sehingga orang atau lawan bicara kita akan terus mengingat percakapan kita atau perkataan kita, tanpa ada paksaan dan penekanan, atau manipulasi serta polarisasi.
- Cara agar orang/lawan bicara kita bisa terus mengingat percakapan kita yaitu dgn sebut NAMA nya ditengah² percakapan. Karena jika kita menyebut nama seseorang dalam sebuah percakapan, maka bagi ia yg mendengarnya akan menjadi hal yg indah karena ia merasa masih diingat oleh orang dgn baik.
- Interaksi dan komunikasi dengan cara keterlibatan yang diutamakan, karena dengan keterlibatan kita jadi bisa merasakan apa yg dirasakan orang lain dan hal ini juga makin mempererat hubungan kita dgn orang lain. Terlibat dengan rasa empati bukan egosentris.
- Tunjukkan minat kita kepada orang lain ketika dalam sebuah percakapan. Alih-alih kita ingin mendominasi sebuah percakapan, alangkah baiknya kita simak apa yg diminati oleh orang lain, agar ia merasa lebih tertarik berkomunikasi dengan kita.
Dan hal ini membawa kita kepada hal yg lumayan penting namun kadang sering dispelekan, yaitu lebih banyak Mendengar dan Menyimak.
- Karena dengan Mendengar/Menyimak kita bisa mendapatkan sesuatu yang baru dari sebuah percakapan dan salah satu cara yg mudah bagi kita untuk bisa menghormati/menghargai orang lain adalah dengan mendengarkan lebih lama. Tahan hasrat kita untuk buru² berbicara. Dengarkan orang lain dulu.
Sebenarnya masih banyak hal lagi yg penting di buku ini, namun sebelum mengupas buku ini lebih jauh, alangkah baiknya pahami dasarnya dulu. Gw pun sama karena gw juga masih awam dalam dunia interaksi dan komunikasi dan informasi dari buku ini lumayan berguna buat gw juga untuk dipelajari kedepannya.
Jadi ini semua hanya murni opini yg gw tangkap dari informasi atau poin² yg ada di buku ini.
Kritik dan saran dipersilahkan. Terima Kasih sebelumnya.
October 25, 2015
great advice for, not only business, but also for private life. it just shows you how to care more, be friendly and non-judmental with its consequences, i.e. when people react to the affirmative and sincere you.
November 1, 2018
Very repetitive to the ideas presented in the actual "How to Win Friends and Influence People" Book. Further, only 20% or less of this book actually discusses anything about Digital age. This felt more like a desperate attempt to make the original book relevant in the Digital Age.
December 23, 2020
I find the wording and perspective interesting on, essentially, the same thing that the book written by Dale Carnegie shared. Here is an overview of this book's Contents:
Part One
Essentials of Engagement
1. Bury Your Boomerangs
2. Affirm What's Good
3. Connect with Core Desires
Part Two
Six Ways to Make a Lasting Impression
1. Take Interest in Others' Interests
2. Smile
3. Reign with Names
4. Listen Longer
5. Discuss What Matters to Them
6. Leave Others a Little Better
Part Three
How to Merit and Maintain Others' Trust
1. Avoid Arguments
2. Never Say, "You're Wrong"
3. Admit Faults Quickly and Emphatically
4. Begin in a Friendly Way
5. Access Affinity
6. Surrender the Credit
7. Engage with Empathy
8. Appeal to Noble Motives
9. Share Your Journey
10. Throw Down a Challenge
Part Four
How to Lead Change Without Resistance or Resentment
1. Begin on a Positive Note
2. Acknowledge Your Baggage
3. Call Out Mistakes Quietly
4. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders
5. Mitigate Fault
6. Magnify Improvement
7. Give Others a Fine Reputation to Live Up To
8. Stay Connected on Common Ground
Part One
Essentials of Engagement
1. Bury Your Boomerangs
2. Affirm What's Good
3. Connect with Core Desires
Part Two
Six Ways to Make a Lasting Impression
1. Take Interest in Others' Interests
2. Smile
3. Reign with Names
4. Listen Longer
5. Discuss What Matters to Them
6. Leave Others a Little Better
Part Three
How to Merit and Maintain Others' Trust
1. Avoid Arguments
2. Never Say, "You're Wrong"
3. Admit Faults Quickly and Emphatically
4. Begin in a Friendly Way
5. Access Affinity
6. Surrender the Credit
7. Engage with Empathy
8. Appeal to Noble Motives
9. Share Your Journey
10. Throw Down a Challenge
Part Four
How to Lead Change Without Resistance or Resentment
1. Begin on a Positive Note
2. Acknowledge Your Baggage
3. Call Out Mistakes Quietly
4. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders
5. Mitigate Fault
6. Magnify Improvement
7. Give Others a Fine Reputation to Live Up To
8. Stay Connected on Common Ground
September 5, 2017
After reading Carnegie's original, I was hoping to see a considerable update in this book - digital age applications. Maybe because it's already 6 years old and we've moved so beyond even 2011 technology, it didn't have the level of how to I was expecting.
Like the original, a whole lot of "old boys club" references and not enough modern-era anecdotes for my liking.
Like the original, a whole lot of "old boys club" references and not enough modern-era anecdotes for my liking.
May 31, 2020
لقراءة مراجعة الكتاب يسعدني تشريفكم لي على رابط المراجعة في مدونتي الشخصية:
في انتظار تعليقاتكم ومناقشاتكم المثمرة في خانة التعليقات على المدونة
كما يسعدني متابعتكم للمدونة من خلال رابط المتابعة بها ليصلكم كل جديد
في انتظار تعليقاتكم ومناقشاتكم المثمرة في خانة التعليقات على المدونة
كما يسعدني متابعتكم للمدونة من خلال رابط المتابعة بها ليصلكم كل جديد
January 14, 2019
I needed to read this. Everyone should. Very good advice.
February 19, 2021
The book How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age is a modern take on Dale Carnegie's original work of the same title. It provides advice on how to become a more influential person in your life, whether in business ventures, on social media, or personal interactions. The book is also riddled with anecdotes that help clarify how to implement these tips in one's day-to-day lives.
The most important takeaway of the book is that influence comes from valuing people and giving them the proper respect and treatment that everyone deserves. Focusing energy onto building up a prestigious appearance will not garner as much influence nor have much of an impact compared to building another person's confidence and making them feel good about themselves.
Another review here listed all of the concepts explored within the book, and there were quite a few. I won't get into all of them, but I wanted to highlight some of the ones I deemed as really helpful. The first is to affirm the good traits another person has. People can often have a pessimistic view of things, only focusing on what's bad. The problem with this type of mindset is that it affects our actions. For instance, if someone has trouble with how they view themselves and we add onto their faults, whether directly to their face or not, they probably will have an even worse self-image. So instead of focusing on the problems they have, and this applied to one's self-image, try and take an optimistic stance and see all the great in that person. And when you genuinely tell them all of the amazing characteristics they have, they may feel uplifted and more confident. This second group comes from "ways to make a lasting impression" segment. All of the points in this section are to take interest in other people's interests, discuss what matters to them, listen longer, to smile more, and to always try to leave others a little bit better after an interaction. All of these concepts aren't new and you've probably heard these tips all of your life, but that does not discredit their effectiveness. When someone makes the effort to do things like smile more, remember a person's name, and to listen to their ideas and their passions, they will come off as an authentic and memorable person. Doing all of these things makes the person talking feel valued and important, and if you take a moment to reflect on all of the memorable interactions you've had, these feelings probably came up quite often. This following group of concepts comes from gaining and maintaining the trust section of the book. These ideas include never say you are wrong/condemn someone, admit faults quickly and emphatically, surrender the credit, share your journey, and throw down a challenge. There is quite a bit to talk about since all of these tips are rather diverse. I'll start with avoiding condemnation and admitting faults quickly and wholeheartedly. When one decides to openly criticize a person for their wrongdoings, probably, the person they are criticizing will not listen. When someone aggressively approaches us, we feel threatened and tend to build up this wall or other defense mechanisms to protect us. If you trying to help someone in correcting one of their flaws, such as being late all the time. Instead of directly saying, "you are always late and unreliable" try to become calmer in your delivery and say "Whenever you are late, I feel disrespected". By saying "I feel" instead of "you are disrespecting me", it comes off less critical and they may be a bit more sympathetic. It also helps when you admit your wrongdoings. on top of doing this. If you focus your efforts on making the other person believe you are this perfect individual who can do no wrong, it will make it a bit more difficult for them to sympathize with your situation. This perfect appearance may even make the situation more dramatic than it is because a high expectation has been built. When you try your best to admit your mistakes, people will see you as a human who is just as capable of making mistakes as anyone else. Not only will this relieve the pressure of maintaining this type of image, but it also allows for genuine connections. Next up is surrender the credit. This one is a bit more difficult to implement because most of us desire for our hard work to be acknowledged. Anyway, the concept is that if you spend less time trying to chase for all the glory of something, people aren't going to trust or really like you. Oftentimes when people do this, they try to undermine other people's work so that they look better. Now when someone does the opposite and acknowledges everyone else's work in the project, they appear humble and will more often than not get more recognition. Exercising authentic humility is vital to creating trust and also makes you a better person. Of course, there are times where this concept doesn't have to be applicable, such as if a person in a group completely flakes and doesn't do any work, but in most circumstances, this is very important. The share of your journey concept was portrayed through a business perspective, but I think it applies to personal relationships as well. It says how people are more inclined to help you or buy your product if you tell them your journey because they want to take part in and impact the overall story. The closing concept in this group is throwing down a challenge. Once again, this is more catered to businesses, but can also apply to one-on-one relationships. The book uses the example of NBA stars Larry Bird and Magic Johnson, who had a fierce rivalry during their careers. When Johnson's career abruptly ended, Magic spoke out about how he greatly respects Larry and how he is grateful for their competition as it motivated him to become the superstar he was. When you challenge someone, whether the focus is on personal fitness, a videogame, or whatever, it will make you and the other person rise to the occasion as you want to succeed. In the end, it doesn't matter who wins because you both will leave as better people. The final group of concepts I want to discuss lies in the final section of the book regarding leadership. These comprise of begin on a positive note, mitigate fault, magnify improvement, and stay connected on common ground. The first concept, beginning on a positive note, kind of plays into one of the other concepts, avoid condemnation. When you have to tell someone some less than welcome news for something like their performance at their job, it's always best to start on a positive note to ease them into the less than fortunate news and become more receptive to the information. Even though we constantly hear people wanting the bad news first, a lot of times it puts their guard up and not want to accept what has to be done. Practicing this concept also is a great way to develop a more optimistic outlook on things. Next is to mitigate fault and magnify improvement. This is essentially the same as avoid non-constructive criticism and affirm what is good but in a leadership position. While you should acknowledge when someone has made a mistake, you shouldn't place all the blame on them. Instead, say how they made an excellent effort and that this is a learning opportunity on how the team can succeed the next time. And when someone improves, which is always the goal in life, celebrate. Don't downplay their accomplishment and tell them how proud you are. This will most likely make the other person feel really good and want to continue their new lifestyle. Finally, probably the most important concept in this group is to stay connected to common ground. We are all attracted to the people or companies that share the same beliefs and values that we do. If you can find that common point in the interaction, you can strengthen your range of influence and build a strong relationship with that person.
All in all, I think this is a great book that includes very important advice that is lost as we rely less and less on face-to-face contact. The only complaint I have regarding the book is that most of the social media advice tends towards people who run businesses. I thought there would be more advice aimed towards individuals who are looking to establish meaningful relationships through social media, but I still think How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age is a great read that can help improve your interactions, both in the digital world and the real one. I highly recommend giving this book a try.
The most important takeaway of the book is that influence comes from valuing people and giving them the proper respect and treatment that everyone deserves. Focusing energy onto building up a prestigious appearance will not garner as much influence nor have much of an impact compared to building another person's confidence and making them feel good about themselves.
Another review here listed all of the concepts explored within the book, and there were quite a few. I won't get into all of them, but I wanted to highlight some of the ones I deemed as really helpful. The first is to affirm the good traits another person has. People can often have a pessimistic view of things, only focusing on what's bad. The problem with this type of mindset is that it affects our actions. For instance, if someone has trouble with how they view themselves and we add onto their faults, whether directly to their face or not, they probably will have an even worse self-image. So instead of focusing on the problems they have, and this applied to one's self-image, try and take an optimistic stance and see all the great in that person. And when you genuinely tell them all of the amazing characteristics they have, they may feel uplifted and more confident. This second group comes from "ways to make a lasting impression" segment. All of the points in this section are to take interest in other people's interests, discuss what matters to them, listen longer, to smile more, and to always try to leave others a little bit better after an interaction. All of these concepts aren't new and you've probably heard these tips all of your life, but that does not discredit their effectiveness. When someone makes the effort to do things like smile more, remember a person's name, and to listen to their ideas and their passions, they will come off as an authentic and memorable person. Doing all of these things makes the person talking feel valued and important, and if you take a moment to reflect on all of the memorable interactions you've had, these feelings probably came up quite often. This following group of concepts comes from gaining and maintaining the trust section of the book. These ideas include never say you are wrong/condemn someone, admit faults quickly and emphatically, surrender the credit, share your journey, and throw down a challenge. There is quite a bit to talk about since all of these tips are rather diverse. I'll start with avoiding condemnation and admitting faults quickly and wholeheartedly. When one decides to openly criticize a person for their wrongdoings, probably, the person they are criticizing will not listen. When someone aggressively approaches us, we feel threatened and tend to build up this wall or other defense mechanisms to protect us. If you trying to help someone in correcting one of their flaws, such as being late all the time. Instead of directly saying, "you are always late and unreliable" try to become calmer in your delivery and say "Whenever you are late, I feel disrespected". By saying "I feel" instead of "you are disrespecting me", it comes off less critical and they may be a bit more sympathetic. It also helps when you admit your wrongdoings. on top of doing this. If you focus your efforts on making the other person believe you are this perfect individual who can do no wrong, it will make it a bit more difficult for them to sympathize with your situation. This perfect appearance may even make the situation more dramatic than it is because a high expectation has been built. When you try your best to admit your mistakes, people will see you as a human who is just as capable of making mistakes as anyone else. Not only will this relieve the pressure of maintaining this type of image, but it also allows for genuine connections. Next up is surrender the credit. This one is a bit more difficult to implement because most of us desire for our hard work to be acknowledged. Anyway, the concept is that if you spend less time trying to chase for all the glory of something, people aren't going to trust or really like you. Oftentimes when people do this, they try to undermine other people's work so that they look better. Now when someone does the opposite and acknowledges everyone else's work in the project, they appear humble and will more often than not get more recognition. Exercising authentic humility is vital to creating trust and also makes you a better person. Of course, there are times where this concept doesn't have to be applicable, such as if a person in a group completely flakes and doesn't do any work, but in most circumstances, this is very important. The share of your journey concept was portrayed through a business perspective, but I think it applies to personal relationships as well. It says how people are more inclined to help you or buy your product if you tell them your journey because they want to take part in and impact the overall story. The closing concept in this group is throwing down a challenge. Once again, this is more catered to businesses, but can also apply to one-on-one relationships. The book uses the example of NBA stars Larry Bird and Magic Johnson, who had a fierce rivalry during their careers. When Johnson's career abruptly ended, Magic spoke out about how he greatly respects Larry and how he is grateful for their competition as it motivated him to become the superstar he was. When you challenge someone, whether the focus is on personal fitness, a videogame, or whatever, it will make you and the other person rise to the occasion as you want to succeed. In the end, it doesn't matter who wins because you both will leave as better people. The final group of concepts I want to discuss lies in the final section of the book regarding leadership. These comprise of begin on a positive note, mitigate fault, magnify improvement, and stay connected on common ground. The first concept, beginning on a positive note, kind of plays into one of the other concepts, avoid condemnation. When you have to tell someone some less than welcome news for something like their performance at their job, it's always best to start on a positive note to ease them into the less than fortunate news and become more receptive to the information. Even though we constantly hear people wanting the bad news first, a lot of times it puts their guard up and not want to accept what has to be done. Practicing this concept also is a great way to develop a more optimistic outlook on things. Next is to mitigate fault and magnify improvement. This is essentially the same as avoid non-constructive criticism and affirm what is good but in a leadership position. While you should acknowledge when someone has made a mistake, you shouldn't place all the blame on them. Instead, say how they made an excellent effort and that this is a learning opportunity on how the team can succeed the next time. And when someone improves, which is always the goal in life, celebrate. Don't downplay their accomplishment and tell them how proud you are. This will most likely make the other person feel really good and want to continue their new lifestyle. Finally, probably the most important concept in this group is to stay connected to common ground. We are all attracted to the people or companies that share the same beliefs and values that we do. If you can find that common point in the interaction, you can strengthen your range of influence and build a strong relationship with that person.
All in all, I think this is a great book that includes very important advice that is lost as we rely less and less on face-to-face contact. The only complaint I have regarding the book is that most of the social media advice tends towards people who run businesses. I thought there would be more advice aimed towards individuals who are looking to establish meaningful relationships through social media, but I still think How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age is a great read that can help improve your interactions, both in the digital world and the real one. I highly recommend giving this book a try.
December 26, 2023
This adaptation is a lot more relevant and actionable for our current time.
February 20, 2018
How to Win Friends
1. Smile
2. Listen
3. Remember names.
4. Ask questions.
5. See how you can help others.
6. Encourage real/deeper interactions.
7. Temper your criticism - never say you’re wrong!
8. Aim to leave each person you meet a bit better than before you met them. Don’t necessarily think how do I sell this but instead how can I make their lives easier.
9. If you’re wrong admit it immediately and emphatically.
10. Initiate conversation in a friendly manner.
11. Create affinity/connection with someone so that they are more affable and likely to say yes at a later stage in the conversation.
12. Defer credit and take blame - you need to focus on gratitude. Has to be authentic otherwise it comes across as martyr syndrome.
13. Your success is commensurate with the amount of people that want to see you successful.
14. Influence by understanding things from their point of view.
15. Appeal to people’s nobler motives - people deep down want to contribute positively.
16. Convince them with the big picture.
17. Share your story and others will share theirs - when your journey is our journey, we are both compelled to see where it goes.
18. Competition is necessary to keep us striving. Challenge people. What matters is the response. It can bond people together.
19. How to lead change positively and without resistance
20. Start on a positive note with something authentic, acknowledging contribution.
21. Avoid using BUT, negates the positive part before.
22. If negative , empathise by explaining your own mistakes. Follow up with constructive advice, not criticism. Helps to keep defences down.
23. Call out mistakes quietly so that person can save face.
24. Monkey see, monkey do. Leaders need to walk the walk.
25. Ask questions instead of orders. Engages employees and gives you an opportunity to learn. Questions create a conversation which allows person to be a part of the solution.
26. Performance Reviews - self appraisal first. What are your strengths? What are your goals? What do you need to work on to achieve these goals?
27. Acknowledge that mistakes/failure happens. Separate the person from the failure. Best way to learn and develop. Part and parcel of growth.
28. Mistakes from error vs mistakes from recklessness/attitude. Latter not to be shielded but still do it gently. Recognise your own role in the mistake.
29. Always do it in person. Save positive for email.
30. Save face when mistake happens.
31. Fulfilling potential - praise and encouragement are the key.
32. Praise - deliver as soon as possible. Be specific about what. Praise publicly. Only when good results.
33. Encouragement regardless of results. Regularly encourage.
34. Treat the person with the respect of the person you want them to be.
35. Common ground/goals are needed of everyone to avoid resistance to change.
36. What are your colleagues dreams?...be honest, share yours.
37. Social media now to used as key basis of marketing and communication.
38. You need relational proximity in order to lead. Not necessarily physical.
1. Smile
2. Listen
3. Remember names.
4. Ask questions.
5. See how you can help others.
6. Encourage real/deeper interactions.
7. Temper your criticism - never say you’re wrong!
8. Aim to leave each person you meet a bit better than before you met them. Don’t necessarily think how do I sell this but instead how can I make their lives easier.
9. If you’re wrong admit it immediately and emphatically.
10. Initiate conversation in a friendly manner.
11. Create affinity/connection with someone so that they are more affable and likely to say yes at a later stage in the conversation.
12. Defer credit and take blame - you need to focus on gratitude. Has to be authentic otherwise it comes across as martyr syndrome.
13. Your success is commensurate with the amount of people that want to see you successful.
14. Influence by understanding things from their point of view.
15. Appeal to people’s nobler motives - people deep down want to contribute positively.
16. Convince them with the big picture.
17. Share your story and others will share theirs - when your journey is our journey, we are both compelled to see where it goes.
18. Competition is necessary to keep us striving. Challenge people. What matters is the response. It can bond people together.
19. How to lead change positively and without resistance
20. Start on a positive note with something authentic, acknowledging contribution.
21. Avoid using BUT, negates the positive part before.
22. If negative , empathise by explaining your own mistakes. Follow up with constructive advice, not criticism. Helps to keep defences down.
23. Call out mistakes quietly so that person can save face.
24. Monkey see, monkey do. Leaders need to walk the walk.
25. Ask questions instead of orders. Engages employees and gives you an opportunity to learn. Questions create a conversation which allows person to be a part of the solution.
26. Performance Reviews - self appraisal first. What are your strengths? What are your goals? What do you need to work on to achieve these goals?
27. Acknowledge that mistakes/failure happens. Separate the person from the failure. Best way to learn and develop. Part and parcel of growth.
28. Mistakes from error vs mistakes from recklessness/attitude. Latter not to be shielded but still do it gently. Recognise your own role in the mistake.
29. Always do it in person. Save positive for email.
30. Save face when mistake happens.
31. Fulfilling potential - praise and encouragement are the key.
32. Praise - deliver as soon as possible. Be specific about what. Praise publicly. Only when good results.
33. Encouragement regardless of results. Regularly encourage.
34. Treat the person with the respect of the person you want them to be.
35. Common ground/goals are needed of everyone to avoid resistance to change.
36. What are your colleagues dreams?...be honest, share yours.
37. Social media now to used as key basis of marketing and communication.
38. You need relational proximity in order to lead. Not necessarily physical.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 7, 2019
Mayyybeee 1.5 stars. Which isn't to say that I really enjoyed this at all, but the different examples/anecdotes made some of it slightly easier to get through.
This book feels more like an essay compilation than a book. Not only that, but the essays feel like the result of a class of students all needing to turn in an essay on leadership. Only one of them actually wrote the essay, but was kind enough to distribute it to everyone else under the stipulation that they "change it a little."
That's it. That's the book.
It just truly felt like the same basic concepts slightly reworded over and over again. Not only was that extremely frustrating, but the ideas themselves weren't overly profound or interesting. Nothing felt like a new, innovative suggestion or solution. It was really common sense. Maybe that's the point?
The fact that there's so many slight alterations of the same basic ideas of Dale Carnegie (see How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls) makes this all seem like more of a money grab than required reading. Or maybe just a giant advertisement for "Dale Carnegie Training", which is mentioned more and more as you near the end of the book and the actual, full page ad for the service.
This isn't like an evil book. Maybe Dale would be disappointed that I'm not calling out mistake quietly or beginning on a positive note, but I truly didn't get anything out of this.
This book feels more like an essay compilation than a book. Not only that, but the essays feel like the result of a class of students all needing to turn in an essay on leadership. Only one of them actually wrote the essay, but was kind enough to distribute it to everyone else under the stipulation that they "change it a little."
That's it. That's the book.
It just truly felt like the same basic concepts slightly reworded over and over again. Not only was that extremely frustrating, but the ideas themselves weren't overly profound or interesting. Nothing felt like a new, innovative suggestion or solution. It was really common sense. Maybe that's the point?
The fact that there's so many slight alterations of the same basic ideas of Dale Carnegie (see How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls) makes this all seem like more of a money grab than required reading. Or maybe just a giant advertisement for "Dale Carnegie Training", which is mentioned more and more as you near the end of the book and the actual, full page ad for the service.
This isn't like an evil book. Maybe Dale would be disappointed that I'm not calling out mistake quietly or beginning on a positive note, but I truly didn't get anything out of this.
July 20, 2019
Ovu knjigu sam uzimala i ostavljala više put terajući sebe da je završim, jer je u suštini klasik koji se preporučuje u svakom časopisu, blog postu i slično vezanim za biznis. Meni jednostavno nije legla. Imam osećaj da govori o mnogo čemu, ali da na kraju ne postoji nikakva stvarna pouka koja se može izvući iz svakog poglavlja, osim ono što već piše u naslovu. Takođe, previše natrpanih imena i primera kompanija koja mi ponekad nisu bila zanimljiva i smatrala sam ih suvišnim.
Sve u svemu, drago mi je što sam je dovršila i konačno otkrila o čemu piše taj poznati Karnegi, iako mi se nije preterano dopala.
Sve u svemu, drago mi je što sam je dovršila i konačno otkrila o čemu piše taj poznati Karnegi, iako mi se nije preterano dopala.
August 5, 2020
كنت قد قرأت الكتاب أيام المراهقة وكنت أعتقد أنه أعظم كتاب في التاريخ
واليوم عندما أعدت قرآءته لا أجده كذلك
الكتاب عبارة عن قصص متكررة، والكاتب يحب تمجيد أفكاره
وأغلب القصص في مجال البيع فكان من الأولى أن يكون العنوان كيف تروج لمنتجك
به بعض الأفكار الجيدة ولكنها مثالية للغاية وأحياناً أحس أنه يروج للنفاق
ثم من الأساس إن البحث عن التصالح مع النفس أولى من البحث عن كسب الأصدقاء
ولو تصالحت مع نفسك وكنت طبيعياً فسيحبك الناس
عموماً كتب تطوير الذات لم تعد تستهوني، أفضل قرآءة كتب علم النفس والإجتماع
واليوم عندما أعدت قرآءته لا أجده كذلك
الكتاب عبارة عن قصص متكررة، والكاتب يحب تمجيد أفكاره
وأغلب القصص في مجال البيع فكان من الأولى أن يكون العنوان كيف تروج لمنتجك
به بعض الأفكار الجيدة ولكنها مثالية للغاية وأحياناً أحس أنه يروج للنفاق
ثم من الأساس إن البحث عن التصالح مع النفس أولى من البحث عن كسب الأصدقاء
ولو تصالحت مع نفسك وكنت طبيعياً فسيحبك الناس
عموماً كتب تطوير الذات لم تعد تستهوني، أفضل قرآءة كتب علم النفس والإجتماع
April 25, 2017
Theres some minority of good data with mostly filler words to surround them. I guess the original book is much better, the one without the digital age.
August 8, 2017
It was a great book a lot had to do with the classic book that Dale Carnegie wrote.
Refreshing.
Refreshing.
April 25, 2019
Interesting and useful.
December 28, 2022
Definisi beberapa chapter dalam satu buku beri begitu banyak padangan menarik mengenai bagaimana cara membangun hubungan baik yang berkelanjutan dan mempengaruhi orang lain.
Dalam satu halaman pada buku ini disampaikan satu kalimat yang begitu sering kita temui yaitu “Perlakukan orang lain sebagaimana kita ingin diperlakukan� dan sebagian besar filsuf didunia sepakat dengan kalimat ini.
Maka jika dengan didengar kita merasa dihargai, maka dengarlah lebih banyak percakapan dengan sungguh-sungguh. Karena menyimak lawan bicara dengan baik akan memberikan kesan yang hangat bagi mereka. Sungguh sebagian besar orang suka jika ia dipahami dan dianggap penting.
Berikan kesan yang berbeda dengan memperhatikan detail-detail kecil seperti beri semangat kepada orang lain melalui senyuman. Karena kita tidak pernah tau dibalik senyum yang tulus, kita telah mengirim energi baik kepada orang yang kita temui. Menghargai seseorang juga bisa dimulai dengan mengingat nama. Dale Carneige pada buku ini bersikeras bahwa nama adalah bunyi yang paling manis dan penting dari bahasa apapun.
Pada buku ini aku diberi ruang untuk berfikir bahwa dunia tidak bergerak hanya untuk menunjukkan kehebatan personal saja, melainkan melalui kebiasaan mengekspresikan hormat, empati dan kebaikan hati yang lebih baik. Lalu, kesuksesan bukan diukur dengan skala angka (seberapa banyak), tapi dengan skala arti(manfaat). Tunjukkan diri dengan penuh arti dalam segala interaksi.
—Ĕ�
“Banyak langkah yang berada di antara apa yang kita tanam dan apa yang kita tuai. Kebanyakan adalah benih-benih kecil yang ditanam di momen-momen kecil setiap harinya.� (page 103)
Dalam satu halaman pada buku ini disampaikan satu kalimat yang begitu sering kita temui yaitu “Perlakukan orang lain sebagaimana kita ingin diperlakukan� dan sebagian besar filsuf didunia sepakat dengan kalimat ini.
Maka jika dengan didengar kita merasa dihargai, maka dengarlah lebih banyak percakapan dengan sungguh-sungguh. Karena menyimak lawan bicara dengan baik akan memberikan kesan yang hangat bagi mereka. Sungguh sebagian besar orang suka jika ia dipahami dan dianggap penting.
Berikan kesan yang berbeda dengan memperhatikan detail-detail kecil seperti beri semangat kepada orang lain melalui senyuman. Karena kita tidak pernah tau dibalik senyum yang tulus, kita telah mengirim energi baik kepada orang yang kita temui. Menghargai seseorang juga bisa dimulai dengan mengingat nama. Dale Carneige pada buku ini bersikeras bahwa nama adalah bunyi yang paling manis dan penting dari bahasa apapun.
Pada buku ini aku diberi ruang untuk berfikir bahwa dunia tidak bergerak hanya untuk menunjukkan kehebatan personal saja, melainkan melalui kebiasaan mengekspresikan hormat, empati dan kebaikan hati yang lebih baik. Lalu, kesuksesan bukan diukur dengan skala angka (seberapa banyak), tapi dengan skala arti(manfaat). Tunjukkan diri dengan penuh arti dalam segala interaksi.
—Ĕ�
“Banyak langkah yang berada di antara apa yang kita tanam dan apa yang kita tuai. Kebanyakan adalah benih-benih kecil yang ditanam di momen-momen kecil setiap harinya.� (page 103)
November 19, 2020
I had always avoided this book (in any edition/format) because the title was a bit off-putting for me. Friends are not meant to be "won" and the idea of influencing people somehow seemed shady to me (thank you, Twitter and politicians). However, I finally decided to read it and imagine my surprise when it was almost the exact opposite of what I was expecting.
Instead of gimmicky tips or advice about winning people over or getting them to see your point of view, it was just an honest guide in how to connect with people by taking a sincere and genuine interest in them. It was kind of like being smacked in the face with a book full of obvious information (like "smile!" and "don't complain"), things that we know but sometimes to struggle to apply.
There is a bit of clunkiness as it has been updated from the original version (with a new co-author, since the original is like 80 years old) and it kind of lost me towards the end when the focus became heavy on leadership in business. Despite this, I can see why it's such a classic and I think many people could benefit from learning about the principles in this book.
Instead of gimmicky tips or advice about winning people over or getting them to see your point of view, it was just an honest guide in how to connect with people by taking a sincere and genuine interest in them. It was kind of like being smacked in the face with a book full of obvious information (like "smile!" and "don't complain"), things that we know but sometimes to struggle to apply.
There is a bit of clunkiness as it has been updated from the original version (with a new co-author, since the original is like 80 years old) and it kind of lost me towards the end when the focus became heavy on leadership in business. Despite this, I can see why it's such a classic and I think many people could benefit from learning about the principles in this book.
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