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When My Ghost Sings: A Memoir of Stroke, Recovery, and Transformation
A lucid exploration of amnesia, selfhood, and who is left behind when the past is obliterated.
Tara Sidhoo Fraser is thirty-two years old when a rare mutation in her brain causes a stroke. Awakening after surgery with no memory of her previous life, she attempts to piece it all back together through a haze of amnesia. Yet, as memories do begin to surface, they are seen through someone else’s eyes—the person whose body she stole, whom she calls Ghost.
Fighting to stabilize her existence, Tara struggles with the gulf between who she was and who she is now, while constantly battling and paying penance to Ghost. She meets Jude, who is also contending with their identity, the gap between who they are and who they present to the world. As Jude’s transition progresses and they begin testosterone injections, Tara’s conflict with Ghost heightens. Ghost’s voice becomes stronger, and memories, buried in the body they now share, of hospital visits, old desires, and her ex threaten Tara’s new relationship.
She burrows deeper into the mystery of who she once was, recognizing the need to fuse herself and Ghost into one. When My Ghost Sings is a lyrical memoir of healing, a farewell letter, and an embracing/reclamation of selfhood.
Tara Sidhoo Fraser is thirty-two years old when a rare mutation in her brain causes a stroke. Awakening after surgery with no memory of her previous life, she attempts to piece it all back together through a haze of amnesia. Yet, as memories do begin to surface, they are seen through someone else’s eyes—the person whose body she stole, whom she calls Ghost.
Fighting to stabilize her existence, Tara struggles with the gulf between who she was and who she is now, while constantly battling and paying penance to Ghost. She meets Jude, who is also contending with their identity, the gap between who they are and who they present to the world. As Jude’s transition progresses and they begin testosterone injections, Tara’s conflict with Ghost heightens. Ghost’s voice becomes stronger, and memories, buried in the body they now share, of hospital visits, old desires, and her ex threaten Tara’s new relationship.
She burrows deeper into the mystery of who she once was, recognizing the need to fuse herself and Ghost into one. When My Ghost Sings is a lyrical memoir of healing, a farewell letter, and an embracing/reclamation of selfhood.
176 pages, Paperback
Published September 19, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
September 15, 2023
|| WHEN MY GHOST SINGS ||
#gifted/@arsenalpulp @zgreads/@zgstories
✍�
This book is a beautiful, creative piece of nonfiction on recovering from a sudden stroke and the amnesia aftereffects. Tara Sidhoo Fraser explores selfhood in a way that is fresh, facinating and moving. The person she used to be pre stroke "Ghost" surfaces in memories, haunts, giving glimpses into a life that is not longer reality but lives under the surface. I was in awe and gratitude throughout reading this for Tara Sidhoo Fraser's perspective and cander on loss and identity. I loved reading her journey, her fight for existence, recovery and transformation, it was incredibly nuanced and lyrical. I couldn't put this down and I wont soon forgot it.
Available September 19th.
For more of my book content check out
#gifted/@arsenalpulp @zgreads/@zgstories
✍�
This book is a beautiful, creative piece of nonfiction on recovering from a sudden stroke and the amnesia aftereffects. Tara Sidhoo Fraser explores selfhood in a way that is fresh, facinating and moving. The person she used to be pre stroke "Ghost" surfaces in memories, haunts, giving glimpses into a life that is not longer reality but lives under the surface. I was in awe and gratitude throughout reading this for Tara Sidhoo Fraser's perspective and cander on loss and identity. I loved reading her journey, her fight for existence, recovery and transformation, it was incredibly nuanced and lyrical. I couldn't put this down and I wont soon forgot it.
Available September 19th.
For more of my book content check out
September 21, 2023
After a rare brain mutation causes a stroke, Tara Sidhoo Fraser splits into two: the person she is now, and the person who she supposedly was before the stroke—a person she has now forgotten because of post-stroke amnesia. She calls the latter person Ghost and resents the distance between them. Ghost once danced, once loved a boy on the island that she grew up on. Tara falls in love with Jude, a queer who is beginning testosterone injections, and makes plans for a marriage in the woods. Ghost lived an entire childhood with Tara’s mother; Tara can only listen to her mother’s recollections of a younger self. Ghost rages for the past; Tara wants to move forward, into the future that has been split away from these memories.
WHEN MY GHOST SINGS is a quiet mourning song; it is the tension of an evolving bodymind in the wake of change. A narrative of the inexplicable way loss coexists with a hope for possibility, for rediscovery—one that many disabled bodyminds may relate to. Read if you’ve loved Molly McCully Brown’s PLACES I’VE TAKEN MY BODY or Chloé Cooper Jones� EASY BEAUTY.
[Thanks to the publisher for the gifted copy!]
WHEN MY GHOST SINGS is a quiet mourning song; it is the tension of an evolving bodymind in the wake of change. A narrative of the inexplicable way loss coexists with a hope for possibility, for rediscovery—one that many disabled bodyminds may relate to. Read if you’ve loved Molly McCully Brown’s PLACES I’VE TAKEN MY BODY or Chloé Cooper Jones� EASY BEAUTY.
[Thanks to the publisher for the gifted copy!]
September 9, 2023
What it’s like living inside of a stroke.
�
How did the book make me feel/think?
I survived a stroke in 2018. When I cracked open “When My Ghost Sings,� I feared what might seep out of the pages and haunt me. After my stroke, my mind desperately attempted to reset itself for the next year or two. My brain would send singles to my fingers to write; all I could produce was a squiggly line, which had to suffice for a while.
“When My Ghost Sings� will resonate with anyone who has ever suffered a stroke or has known someone who has, so, everyone.
Stroke can be a profoundly life-altering experience, and books like “When My Ghost Things� deftly and lyrically delve into the emotional and psychological aspects of recovery and can provide refuge and understanding to those who’ve gone through similar challenges.
Sidhoo, wholeheartedly, will have readers pondering questions about identity, loss, and the possibility of rediscovering oneself after such a transformative event.
Fraser’s courage in sharing her darkest moments and emphasizing the importance of love and vulnerability in the healing process is a powerful testament to the book’s impact. It’s a reminder that literature has the ability to offer empathy, insight, and hope to those facing difficult circumstances.
We must thank Sidhoo for sharing her perspective, and collectively, hope her journey toward recovery continues to be filled with hope and growth as she embraces the new version of herself emerging from her experiences.
WRITTEN: 10 September 2023
�
How did the book make me feel/think?
I survived a stroke in 2018. When I cracked open “When My Ghost Sings,� I feared what might seep out of the pages and haunt me. After my stroke, my mind desperately attempted to reset itself for the next year or two. My brain would send singles to my fingers to write; all I could produce was a squiggly line, which had to suffice for a while.
“When My Ghost Sings� will resonate with anyone who has ever suffered a stroke or has known someone who has, so, everyone.
Stroke can be a profoundly life-altering experience, and books like “When My Ghost Things� deftly and lyrically delve into the emotional and psychological aspects of recovery and can provide refuge and understanding to those who’ve gone through similar challenges.
Sidhoo, wholeheartedly, will have readers pondering questions about identity, loss, and the possibility of rediscovering oneself after such a transformative event.
Fraser’s courage in sharing her darkest moments and emphasizing the importance of love and vulnerability in the healing process is a powerful testament to the book’s impact. It’s a reminder that literature has the ability to offer empathy, insight, and hope to those facing difficult circumstances.
We must thank Sidhoo for sharing her perspective, and collectively, hope her journey toward recovery continues to be filled with hope and growth as she embraces the new version of herself emerging from her experiences.
WRITTEN: 10 September 2023
September 27, 2023
I may be a little biased, but I think this is objectively a beautiful and strange book. The writing is DELICIOUS. The story is unique. Worth savouring.
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July 29, 20242024 reads: 207/250
at thirty-two years old, tara sidhoo fraser has a stroke caused by an arteriovenous malformation. after surgery, she has no memory of her previous life, so she starts trying to piece it all together. when her memories begin to surface, though, they’re seen through someone else’s eyes. she calls this person whose body she stole “ghost.� during this time, she meets jude, who is also struggling with their identity. tara’s conflict with ghost increases, and ghost, her memories, and her ex all threaten tara’s new relationship.
this memoir was absolutely beautiful. i’ve learned a lot about the medical side of strokes from my education, and even a bit about the personal side of strokes from my (limited) clinical experience, but never something as personal and unique as this memoir. i’d highly recommend this to people who enjoy reading memoirs, especially if you’d like to know more about how strokes can affect people.
at thirty-two years old, tara sidhoo fraser has a stroke caused by an arteriovenous malformation. after surgery, she has no memory of her previous life, so she starts trying to piece it all together. when her memories begin to surface, though, they’re seen through someone else’s eyes. she calls this person whose body she stole “ghost.� during this time, she meets jude, who is also struggling with their identity. tara’s conflict with ghost increases, and ghost, her memories, and her ex all threaten tara’s new relationship.
this memoir was absolutely beautiful. i’ve learned a lot about the medical side of strokes from my education, and even a bit about the personal side of strokes from my (limited) clinical experience, but never something as personal and unique as this memoir. i’d highly recommend this to people who enjoy reading memoirs, especially if you’d like to know more about how strokes can affect people.
Read
January 24, 2025so so good
September 10, 2023
This is memoir written in rich literary style. Extraordinary in that it is memory retrieved after a stroke that left the author with amnesia. Tara Sidhoo Fraser and her "ghost" will long remain on my list of memoir at its finest.
November 21, 2023
such a beautiful memoir written by a beautiful friend. i love you so much, Tarabee <3
Read
May 28, 2024At times, WHEN MY GHOST SINGS has the feel a classic gothic ghost story, as a remnant of the past stalks someone in the present. That ghost is trapped inside one’s body. almost holding them captive, not wanting to let go. But the fact this is a true life memoir, in many ways makes the tale all the most chilling, and engrossing, culminating in a book that is definitely difficult to put down. Each page draws the reader in deeper, as we are anxious to discover just how the story plays itself out. Tara Sidhoo Fraser was barely into her thirties, when she suffered a massive stroke caused by a malformation in her brain, that has been there since birth. It was the proverbial ticking time bomb that had been lying dormant, waiting for the right moment to strike like a cobra.
When she awoke from the devastating stroke, she had no idea who she was, unsure of her past life. We see amnesia all the time on soap operas, but this was the cold reality of her life, sealed inside her body, as Tara fought desperately to remember the past. That is the essence of WHEN THE GHOST SINGS, as Tara tries to put her life together like a jigsaw puzzle with uneven pieces, as those pieces slowly come back to her.
Tara writes about their memories slowly filtering back into her psyche, and she refers to her past self as “ghost,� written with a haunting sensitivity of times gone, trying to make sense of it all. Tara comes to love Jude, contending with their sexuality, coming to love Jude and wanting a life with this person. As Tara is drawn more to Jude, she also recalls the loves of “ghost’s life� known as “the boy,� to whom ghost still has feelings for. It makes for a complex tale at times, yet the manner in which Tara poetically strings it all together, makes for moving moments even though confusion and self-doubt become overwhelming.
Tara knows that to recover and move on, there must be a sort of acceptance of ghost, and ghost must also accept post-stroke Tara. If not, there is little hope for reconciliation of her life and spirit. Others are part of her story like Mama (her mother), who she speaks highly of. She did not have her father with her for much of her life, and it is the realization of her post-stroke life and her current life, that one gave to another.
WHEN MY GHOST SINGS, is a story of triumph, acceptance, and moving on, staging a comeback of sorts, and becoming stronger and more determined than ever, to live life on one’s own terms.
When she awoke from the devastating stroke, she had no idea who she was, unsure of her past life. We see amnesia all the time on soap operas, but this was the cold reality of her life, sealed inside her body, as Tara fought desperately to remember the past. That is the essence of WHEN THE GHOST SINGS, as Tara tries to put her life together like a jigsaw puzzle with uneven pieces, as those pieces slowly come back to her.
Tara writes about their memories slowly filtering back into her psyche, and she refers to her past self as “ghost,� written with a haunting sensitivity of times gone, trying to make sense of it all. Tara comes to love Jude, contending with their sexuality, coming to love Jude and wanting a life with this person. As Tara is drawn more to Jude, she also recalls the loves of “ghost’s life� known as “the boy,� to whom ghost still has feelings for. It makes for a complex tale at times, yet the manner in which Tara poetically strings it all together, makes for moving moments even though confusion and self-doubt become overwhelming.
Tara knows that to recover and move on, there must be a sort of acceptance of ghost, and ghost must also accept post-stroke Tara. If not, there is little hope for reconciliation of her life and spirit. Others are part of her story like Mama (her mother), who she speaks highly of. She did not have her father with her for much of her life, and it is the realization of her post-stroke life and her current life, that one gave to another.
WHEN MY GHOST SINGS, is a story of triumph, acceptance, and moving on, staging a comeback of sorts, and becoming stronger and more determined than ever, to live life on one’s own terms.
October 22, 2023
Tara Sidhoo Fraser writes a fascinating, understandable memoir about a topic-- reintegration with her wounded self, the font of most of her pre-stroke memories-- that takes immense courage and an ability to see herself as lovable, loving, and worthy of human agency.
This book is a love story. The writer demonstrates love and gratitude on every page, for every person who plays a role in her life. In no instance does she come across as smarmy or inauthentic, but rather she gives life to the phrase "no judgment" that we hear bandied about so often these days. The important people in her recovery from a stroke are the people who have shown love, ambivalence, and sometimes, frustration, but whom Sidhoo Fraser honours for the love that underlines all else. Her mother (known as "Mama") is gentle, present, and affirmative throughout. Her father, "John", is not present during a long stretch of her life, but is not castigated for that, and is labeled "a good father" by Mama, which Sidhoo Fraser accepts. She also paints both of the lovers in the story as kind and loving.
Sidhoo Fraser's relationship with her pre-stroke self-- her Ghost-- is the most dramatic and complex relationship sustained throughout the story. I am pretty sure that most, and likely all, readers will reflect on her description of her alter ego way beyond finishing the book.
This book is a love story. The writer demonstrates love and gratitude on every page, for every person who plays a role in her life. In no instance does she come across as smarmy or inauthentic, but rather she gives life to the phrase "no judgment" that we hear bandied about so often these days. The important people in her recovery from a stroke are the people who have shown love, ambivalence, and sometimes, frustration, but whom Sidhoo Fraser honours for the love that underlines all else. Her mother (known as "Mama") is gentle, present, and affirmative throughout. Her father, "John", is not present during a long stretch of her life, but is not castigated for that, and is labeled "a good father" by Mama, which Sidhoo Fraser accepts. She also paints both of the lovers in the story as kind and loving.
Sidhoo Fraser's relationship with her pre-stroke self-- her Ghost-- is the most dramatic and complex relationship sustained throughout the story. I am pretty sure that most, and likely all, readers will reflect on her description of her alter ego way beyond finishing the book.
December 23, 2023
Serendipity!! I was fortunate to have access to both the e-book and e-audiobook simultaneously.
I started reading on my iPad one day, then was alone in the car the next day - so picked up listening to it - and then finished it on my iPad when I was home again.
Two totally different experiences. I did not like the narration at all. I was also very glad that I had already read approx 50% of it by the time I started listening - as I found it very difficult to follow along listening to this.
This is not an easy read - and not simply because of the actual content. I really struggled to follow along. I needed to be able to have the actual words in front of me. I found that I needed to skim back and forth in the e-book to keep things sorted in my head.
And that fact is exactly part of what is interesting about this book: That the reader themselves almost lives the experience with her - the narrative often being as jumbled as her own processing.
I like the way that the two story arcs - the brain injury and queer identity - are both to be found within the concept of ghost - be it “Ghost� or “ghost.�
This is a really interesting title. I think this pushes the boundaries of form - and is a book that everyone should read.
I started reading on my iPad one day, then was alone in the car the next day - so picked up listening to it - and then finished it on my iPad when I was home again.
Two totally different experiences. I did not like the narration at all. I was also very glad that I had already read approx 50% of it by the time I started listening - as I found it very difficult to follow along listening to this.
This is not an easy read - and not simply because of the actual content. I really struggled to follow along. I needed to be able to have the actual words in front of me. I found that I needed to skim back and forth in the e-book to keep things sorted in my head.
And that fact is exactly part of what is interesting about this book: That the reader themselves almost lives the experience with her - the narrative often being as jumbled as her own processing.
I like the way that the two story arcs - the brain injury and queer identity - are both to be found within the concept of ghost - be it “Ghost� or “ghost.�
This is a really interesting title. I think this pushes the boundaries of form - and is a book that everyone should read.
May 27, 2024
A beautiful story of the author's relationship with the "ghost" of who she was before her stroke, where past and present defy clean categorization. This book raises hard questions about the nature of self, memory, devotion, and recovery, and there's an intimacy threaded through every page. The author's voice is gorgeous and lyrical, but as a reader, I found myself needing a bit more structure to hold onto in how the narrative unfolded—which, I realize, was perhaps a very deliberate choice on the author's part, because the sense of being left somewhat adrift in her story nods to the very feeling of dislocation she's describing.
December 21, 2024
3.5 rounded up. I think this was a very interesting book but I think if you go into this wanting a straight forward narrative or expect a dissection of what it feels like to have amnesia, you’re not going to find it here.
October 27, 2023
Wow. Heart-rending. Not at all what I anticipated. I don't remember how this book came across my radar but I think more people should read it! A painful, beautiful read.
December 14, 2023
This was a very meandering story, a bit confusing at times - probably reflective of the author's journey out of her amnesia. I'm glad I stuck with it, as the ending was lovely.
July 28, 2024
👂Listened to the audiobook. Wow!
After reading some other reviews I'm now curious how my mind would have narrated Ghost's personality, would it have been more sorrowful and angsty. 🤔
After reading some other reviews I'm now curious how my mind would have narrated Ghost's personality, would it have been more sorrowful and angsty. 🤔
August 30, 2024
Beautiful lyrical memoir. Highly recommended! What a fantastic debut.
December 31, 2024
A really interesting memoir
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