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The Five Levels of Attachment: Toltec Wisdom for the Modern World

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Building on the principles found in his father’s bestselling book The Four Agreements , don Miguel Ruiz Jr. invites us to gauge how attached we are to our own point of view. In The Five Levels of Attachment , he will help you gain awareness of the agreements you have been implicitly making all these years that shape your reality and affect your future and show you how to release the attachments which no longer reflect who you really are. This method is twenty years in the making. When don Miguel Ruiz Jr. began his apprenticeship into his family’s Toltec tradition, he was just fourteen years old. His first task was translating his grandmother’s talks from Spanish into English. One day, as he struggled to keep up with her, she asked Are you using knowledge, or is knowledge using you? Finding the answer to this question would shape the destiny of his life. In this groundbreaking work, Ruiz explains each of the Five Levels of Attachment in detail and shows that as our level of attachment to a belief or idea increases, “who we are� becomes directly linked to “what we know.� Our attachment to beliefs—our own and the beliefs of others—manifests as a mask we don’t realize we can take off. But with don Miguel Ruiz’s help, and some Toltec wisdom along the way, we can return to our True, Authentic Selves, unhindered by judgment and free to pursue our true life’s calling.

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First published January 1, 2001

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Miguel Ruiz Jr.

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5 stars
2,345 (48%)
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3 stars
758 (15%)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 315 reviews
Profile Image for Jenn Hillman.
7 reviews12 followers
March 22, 2013
One of the most powerful statements I found in this book was this, "Please forgive me, I have been using this against me, I will not do this again." It is the judgement against others when in fact it is a statement against ourselves. Forgiveness is the one of the most powerful action, next to gratitude that brings people into the enlighten state and to their highest potential.
Good reading to release or understand the amount we are vested in "the story" we are telling to ourselves and others. I gained good insights and realizations my internal growth and when more insights are needed in seeing the gain within the story.
Profile Image for Phoenix  Perpetuale.
230 reviews73 followers
January 26, 2022
Before reading or listening to the following book, think about attachment, what it means for you?
Listening to The Five Levels of Attachment by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr., narrated by Arthur Money Audible original left me with the impression that the book is highly spiritual and has transformation power. It is my first encounter with Toltec traditions and philosophy. I am fascinated with the wisdom of this book; therefore, it would benefit from reading his predecessor Don Miguel Ruiz Senior.
13 reviews
April 8, 2013
A definite must read for any academic, politician, and …anyone really.
We sometimes take on beliefs of others out of pressure to conform. Beliefs that are true for others might not be true for us and end up hurting us in the long run. Ruiz helps us understand the levels of attachment to our beliefs one level at a time while pointing out when attachment becomes a habitual pattern that cannot be broken.

He offers a couple of meditations to help move beyond attachments by way of forgiving our self and others who have imposed their opinions and beliefs on us.

Even when we move beyond attachment to beliefs that no longer serve us, it helps to respect the beliefs of others that maybe opposed to ours. He writes:
"The only thing that separates us is our attachment to our own point of view and our attachment to the belief that others must share it. This is where we begin putting conditions on our love for one another, and this is the source of conflict� (p126)

It is one thing to question your ideals and state them when needed, yet when you realize that conflict will arise from doing so, it may perhaps not be the right time to be too attached to your way of thinking. As long as we know that other’s beliefs have no power over us as we know our own truth, then we are free. Some causes are worth fighting for, while others, not so much.
Profile Image for Cynda is preoccupied with RL.
1,408 reviews175 followers
December 23, 2021
Like millions of others around the world, I started reading my Toltec journey with the father's book by don . After reading aall/almost all of the father's books, I am now ready to his son's books. (I believe A second son writes as well.)

As many many already know, re-scanning the Four Agrement is an important step to get the most out of most of the Toltec books, including this one. In fact, the son makes an homage to his father by listing the agreements in his book.

The father's book did just he stated it could do: Took me out of a personal hell of my making. I am hoping with the son's book to find away out of some place between Limbo and Purgatory. With son's book I have a good continuing place to release myself from the lies, unrealistic expectations, and more. What I believe controls me. The son asks: Do you hold beliefs? Or do your beliefs hold you? I want to more and more answer: I, Cynda, hold my beliefs.

If the book interests you,
I will only strongly suggest to read , then read . Some concepts may/may not be fully self-explanatory.
Profile Image for Kent Winward.
1,785 reviews61 followers
August 28, 2018
My inner Buddhist has long struggled with the whole idea of not being attached, in large part because so much joy and fulfillment comes from our attachments. Ruiz Jr. managed to put attachment into a structure that makes sense and allows for analyzing healthy versus non-healthy attachments.

The other concept that I found helpful was an idea that I am going to put into my own metaphor: our identities are the tip of the pen where we interact with society and the people we are around to create the narrative for the world in which we live, it is a messy manuscript because everyone is writing too, but it is the nature of the beast, just be happy you are writing and don't get to worried about the ink color.
Profile Image for Michelle Rojas Garcia.
8 reviews8 followers
May 9, 2014
The statement that stood out for me most sums it up: "When I believe something must stay in its rightful place, exactly as it is, for me to be OK, I have become attached to it, I have confused this external thing with who I am."
Profile Image for Jenny Whetzel.
422 reviews26 followers
April 19, 2018
I just love reading about the Toltec ways. I love this family's books! Jr.'s and his dad's books make you stop and think! I am positive I will be buying any future books by this family. :)
1 review
August 7, 2015
This book was chosen by a book club group I was asked to join. At first, I thought it would be a yawn as I find most "self-help" books a bit too opinionated and based on one person's perspective. However, I was excited to be included in a book discussion, so I put aside my pre-conceived ideas and started reading. Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised, as it contained ancient wisdom that can be applied logically to our chaotic world. Ironically, the main content was about putting aside your own opinions or "attachments" long enough just to listen to what others have to say. I can honestly say that I felt mentally and emotionally refreshed after reading this book and recommend it to my friends and family members.
Profile Image for Jacob Nordby.
Author8 books203 followers
January 19, 2013
Miguel Ruiz Jr offers the world ancient wisdom in a fresh, clean voice.

I loved this book. Millions have read his father's books (Four Agreements, Mastery of Love), and Miguel Ruiz Jr puts more meat on the bones for seekers who desire to integrate those lessons more deeply.

This book is intellectually stimulating but made accessible with practical examples and stories from the author's journey.

I will quote from this book and recommend it to many of my friends.
Profile Image for James Williams.
Author6 books37 followers
May 20, 2019
Miguel delivers again, this book was fabulous and timely. It highlights all of the attachments that hold us up in life and that hold us back in life. We are so focused on the opinions and thoughts of love ones or friends, and we create an attachment to their opinions and judgments of us. This produces suffering as we attempt to placate their desires and wishes for our lives. However, we have control and can break these attachments with conscious thought and mindful actions. I recommend that you read this book and any book by this family.

Dr. James Arthur Williams

Profile Image for Stacye.
206 reviews4 followers
May 28, 2014
Nothing here I hadn't already heard before. At times, it was a nice reminder, but I wouldn't recommend reading the book as there are so many more out there that say the same thing and are better reads.
Profile Image for Monyputhy Ly.
98 reviews46 followers
January 18, 2022
"Are you the one controlling your knowledge or is knowledge the one controlling you?"

Knowledge is the fundamental part of who we are - our perceptions and beliefs towards the reality of the world, which may have been influenced by culture, religion, and other spiritual or philosophical doctrines...etc. If knowledge is static, it controls and limits the ways we experience life - it creates attachment towards our very own identity.

Miguel's key idea in the book is that there are 5 levels of attachments:
1. The Authentic Self
2. Preference
3. Identity
4. Internalization
5. Fanaticism

The levels represent the intensity of our attachment towards something; 1 is non-attachment (which is ideal), and 5 is very attached (limiting oneself and could even create damage for others).

For example, a Level 1 Person is watching a football match, and when the match is over, he moved on with his life - with no attachment of what happens at the match. For the Level 5 Person, after the match ended, he was not only unhappy with the result of the match if his preferred team lost, but also hate and despise the supporters of the other team - in an extreme case, would even create harm to those people. Another example, one uses vegan as a way to guide their eating, while another shames non-vegan people for eating meat.

In one way or another, we hold different levels of attachment towards different things. And that's where we need to learn to be conscious about - of how open are we in experiencing new things? Who we say we are can also create that limitation of what we can try - so it would be great to be non-identified to certain things in life. Or else, identified but stay open to being wrong - as things can happen and you change your mind. Live the Authentic Self.
Profile Image for Danya.
11 reviews
March 3, 2025
Llegué a este libro con la mejor disposición, dándole la oportunidad a pesar de que no suelo leer este género. Pero solo reafirmó que no me gustan los libros de autoayuda.
El libro trata de reinventar la psicología con un lenguaje "místico tolteca" de un autor que vive entre gringos, escribe para gringos, y le pone a sus hijos nombres gringos. Dejando de lado la exotificación de esta cultura mesoamericana (que no me siento suficientemente calificada para explicar, pero sí suficientemente mexicana para expresar que me molesta) la estructura del libro deja mucho qué desear. Repite las mismas ideas una y otra vez, sin agregarles nada nuevo. Cita sus propias palabras constantemente, al punto que suena cacofónico (y si no se cita a sí mismo, cita la misma frase de su papá o de su abuela una y otra vez). Con leer la introducción era suficiente para darse una idea de todo el libro - las páginas después no aportaron nada nuevo.
No es un mal acercamiento para alguien que nunca antes ha hecho introspección, pero de eso a ser tan buen libro como dicen todas las reseñas, se quedó corto.
A lo mejor en algún otro momento de la vida habría conectado con este libro, pero en este momento nada más no lo logré. Y no me quedan ganas de revisitarlo.
Profile Image for Mercer Smith.
509 reviews4 followers
March 29, 2021
I’m not sure if the stars are for the writing of the book or the content of the book, and there is a difference. I’d never delved into Toltec theories on attachment, and I bet they could be life changing. This book feels like it gives it a good surface scratch, and there are some meaningful concepts introduced. I want to look more into this philosophy after reading this book!
Profile Image for Andrea Briceño.
68 reviews2 followers
June 15, 2021
The art of letting go. Toltec wisdom is incredibly similar to Buddhist teachings and I found that Miguel Ruiz Jr. really conveyed the importance of letting go and continuous introspection. There are many parallels, which could be drawn between both philosophies, something that I personally find fascinating!

Recommended
Profile Image for Alienor.
Author1 book107 followers
October 7, 2021
I'm annoyed

There is one strong idea in this book: the 5 levels of attachment, which are as follows

level 5 fanaticism
level 4 internalization
level 3 identity
level 2 preference
level 1 authentic self

Otherwise, a lot of 'my daddy says' (come on!) and most annoying to me, the narrator of the audio book doesn't speak Spanish and mispronounces all Spanish words, including the 100 times he says 'I am Mikhhel Ruiz'. Super super cringe
Profile Image for Joseph Young.
886 reviews11 followers
July 15, 2019
I was turned off by the introduction. Perhaps I am too attached to certain tropes in my way of thinking, particularly in having enough self-pride to dismiss much of the intro as merely inner worries or at most neuroticism. My main criticism is that it doesn't tell us what they consider truth, and what they consider merely an attachment. There appears to be a large attachment in the belief of love and goodness in such that it is alright to have a huge attachment towards that. I wasn't able to tell if he was talking about attachment levels in only the positive sense or the negative sense, as opposed to the way it is, both. It wasn't until the 3rd of 3 cds where examples were given that actually could be applied in conflicts.

Overall, I disagree with many of the precepts. I disagree with the way it does not seek to convince others, although perhaps this is the author's interpretation. For example, politics, specifically global warming and pollution. If there is a large percentage of people who don't believe pollution really exists, then they can convince the whole to do nothing about it. I don't deem this as acceptable. It seems practical for a personal emotional scale for inner-peace, but not on a larger practical scale. I agree inner-peace is a great thing to strive for, and we cannot sacrifice our integrity towards helping the world as inner and outer peace are both connected.
Profile Image for Jim Morris.
Author19 books28 followers
May 26, 2014
In the past I have likened the Toltec teachings to a spiritual toolkit. This is an excellent addition to that kit.
I've been studying, practicing, and sometimes teaching this Toltec stuff for a very long time, for the simple reasons that it has brought my life out of chaos and introduced order and fun to it. The Five Levels of Attachment brings new insights to the old stuff, but is entirely consonant with it. The levels apply to one's attitude about everything one really cares about. And the virtue of it is that it gives us a checklist to crosscheck every category of attachment, see where the level is, and also see whether that level serves us or not. If it does not, break out the Four Agreements and apply them to the attachment. Those four tools applied to these five levels will, actually rather quickly, move that attachment into a more felicitous alignment.
Profile Image for Julie G.
981 reviews3,704 followers
January 3, 2022
Loads of wisdom here, but this may be my favorite part of the book:

I will never know what it feels like to be you. I cannot know what it feels like to be in your body. I will never know, for example, what coffee tastes like when you drink it; I can only know this from my point of view. I am alone. I was born alone, and I will die alone. There is no one else living in this body, and there is no one seeing life through my eyes. Your beliefs, and your beliefs alone, belong to you. You are the only one who is with you for your entire life. Imagine if you didn't like yourself. That would be a tough life, because there is no escaping yourself. (14)

Makes me want to try harder to be a better human, and I'd like to pass out a bunch of copies to a whole heck of a lot of people. . .
761 reviews2 followers
May 3, 2016
This book has reviews that make it sound so reverential.

The last few chapters, i did appreciate. However, the rest, I feel was not reverential at all. Doesn't everybody think about these things???? I guess I don't like reading about things I already know/ or think should be rhetorical...

two aspects appreciated slightly actually:
-Yes, love is our biggest demon. It can destroy us or let us thrive
-realize peoples being upset or mad at you is a reflection of themselves and their own insecurities so never take these things personally

otherwise. meh. i could have gone through life not reading this
Profile Image for Lorena Romero.
166 reviews10 followers
September 6, 2018
3.5 🌟 El tema es muy interesante; los niveles de ‘atado� que estamos a nuestros sistemas de creencias que incluso afecta nuestra vida diaria. Pero pienso que falto fuerza y más profundidad en varios aspectos. La última parte estuvo más interesante pero al inicio un poco repetitivo y lo sentí un poco flojo.

Sugiero leer primero los libros de Don Miguel Ruiz Senior antes de leer este, creo que ayuda a entender el contexto.
Profile Image for Natalie Wainger.
188 reviews4 followers
January 16, 2021
I just could not relate to this the same way as the four agreements. And when I could it felt like a repeat. I know I’m pretty alone in this camp but that’s just me!
Profile Image for AttackGirl.
1,299 reviews23 followers
December 12, 2020
Everything is Perfect exactly like it is or it would not be.

It is exactly how it is supposed to be, or it would not be.

Stop spending time with words like shoulda, coulda, woulda and deal with the reality of what is.

Then you might begin to understand the concepts of living in the now, the present, and appreciate all that is, and that people are, not what you think they should be or could be or would be if only...

Yes, attachment is pain, heartache, misery but also the most joy you will experience. Have you not heard the story of the man, horse, and son? So, do you choose to be or not, to participate or not, to enjoy or not, to fully endorse and engage or not.

My cousin’s heart is broken and all I can do is giggle and weep with joy for the pain in his heart the misery of turmoil as his indecisiveness, his struggle with what he thinks he SHOULD do or what his breaking heart is pleading him to do. If he humbles himself will that make him less or more of a man. Surely by now if you have read any of all I have written in my book discussions you know I listened to all he said and giggled even more as my heart, my being, bursting with the perfectness of being tells him to enjoy his every emotion, his every tear. I make sure he understands as he is lost in the maze of emotions conflict that soon she will be as the others lost to the history of his life. I tell him to take it all in and enjoy every moment because who knows when you will feel this again if ever. I laughed, giggled, apologized, cried but also explained so he would understand that he too can live in the now, but no matter to accept what is, but surely if he chooses to follow his breaking heart, he will have no regrets. Is our heart our head not all chemicals and chemicals change with the tides, the moon, the seasons.
Even Aeolus knew the western wind would provide a safe journeys end and does not the east bring the locusts.
So, I have discussed these things for many years now and since I am new to GoodReads less than a year I might have mentioned the family's calls and how I respond so it is very nice to see that Miguel's Father also spends time teaching him THE WAY. That Miguel is so blessed to share the information with others passing down the great wisdom of the ages.

If you are interested in reality of what in today’s words are called the RED PILL, then this book will help you on your journey your path your way to understanding. As I think about it the words of the book being the Toltec Wisdom, I also think about all the nationalities versions like the telephone game over time and who was the first to pass the wisdom to us humans. Attempting to teach us how to live in the world we find ourselves yes, perhaps of our own making, but I did wake to thinking of seeing "the finger of God" and was that the finger of the Creator of the All.
Profile Image for Su.
284 reviews
June 3, 2022
I started this book because I was thinking it would be quick to finish but it took me longer than I expected. It wasn't because the book was bad but reading such books takes a lot of time to think and process. I did not always feel up for the task, so I took my sweet time.
"There are seven billion people living in our world, and so there are seven billion different points of view. If we each insisted that only our point of view is valid, then we would also have seven billion clashes in our world."

For someone who reads a lot of self-improvement books, the topics mentioned in this book may not feel brand new but it is still quite eye-opening in a sense. Some of the things I'm taking away from this book are that whether it is about our personal identities or our beliefs in religions or politics, or even when it comes to our favorites such as football teams or k-pop artists, we all have our attachments. It can be a mild attachment or a fanatic level of attachment. Whatever we become attached to can shape our future experiences. Because the stronger we feel about our attachments, the less we can see what exists outside of our own truths. The author showed us these five different levels of attachment in football game scenarios which made me see things very clearly.

After reading this book, I also realized that all the arguments and conflicts I've had in my life were fueled by my own attachment to my point of view, my identity, and my self-importance. It had much less to do with other people. That was such a humbling realization and I know this would bring so much self-awareness to my life in the future. Who needs therapy when you have good books?
"We do not need to defend ourselves or our beliefs against other people's opinions and beliefs. Our only need is self-respect."

That being said, I would recommend this book to those who want more self-awareness in their lives.
Profile Image for Shane Embury.
54 reviews2 followers
February 10, 2024
very repetitive, but I honestly don't mind these kinds of books being repetitive. when you're trying to share life wisdom like this, I think it's beneficial keep rephrasing it in several different ways in an effort to maximize the number of readers with whom it'll resonate. some sentences definitely struck a chord w me more than others even if they were conveying the same basic idea.

after closing the book I'm still ruminating on a lot of it, I think it has prompted healthy self-reflection, it's making me reconsider my belief systems and how I perceive my own identity, idk, lotta good food for thought
Profile Image for Ashley Davies.
272 reviews
February 14, 2022
Decent introduction to Toltec Wisdom but felt a bit jumbled with other modern religions/philosophies without a clear line drawn between Toltec theology and other teachings. Most of the cited/quoted sources the author used for Toltec references were also his own family members which would normally be off-putting but from a tradition passed down orally from generation to generation this makes sense. I’ll definitely be on the lookout for more Toltec texts as I found this brief introduction quite fascinating.
Profile Image for WhiteOwl.
88 reviews3 followers
November 22, 2023
4.5 stars! This information is so timely when our planet is polarized with strong & sometimes fanatical beliefs -strong attachments, self-importance and need to be ‘right�. I enjoyed the writing style but wish there were more examples of beliefs that people hold at each of the 5 levels. I really wanted to grasp this information and apply it to my life but struggled at times on how it applied to my life/beliefs today. Still, this is a worthwhile read!
Profile Image for Matias Myllyrinne.
137 reviews6 followers
December 25, 2020
You need to put some of your critical filters on hold to enjoy this book. Some valid commentary on how conditional love leads to unhappiness and suffering as well as labels people apply to themselves and needlessly cause pain. But... oh boy some sections are thick with text that is close to cringeworthy new age Dadaism.
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