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Changing the Game: The Parent's Guide to Raising Happy, High-Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports Back to Our Kids
The modern day youth sports environment has taken the enjoyment out of athletics for our children. Currently, 70% of kids drop out of organized sports by the age of 13, which has given rise to a generation of overweight, unhealthy young adults. There is a solution. John O’Sullivan shares the secrets of the coaches and parents who have not only raised elite athletes, but have done so by creating an environment that promotes positive core values and teaches life lessons instead of focusing on wins and losses, scholarships, and professional aspirations. Changing the Game gives adults a new paradigm and a game plan for raising happy, high performing children, and provides a national call to action to return youth sports to our kids.
237 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 1, 2013
113 people are currently reading
344 people want to read
About the author
John O'Sullivan
3Ìýbooks13ÌýfollowersJohn O'Sullivan is the author of Changing the Game The Parents Guide to Raising Happy High-Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports Back to Our Kids and Every Moment Matters: How the World's Best Coaches Inspire Their Athletes and Build Championship Teams. He is a consultant for numerous sport governing bodies around the world including the US Olympic Committee, US Soccer, US Ski and Snowboard, USA Swimming, PGA Golf, Ireland Rugby, as well as a frequent contributor to CNN, ESPN, Outside Magazine and other sports publications. He is the founder of the , and has spent over two decades involved as both a soccer player and coach at the youth, high school, college and professional level. John received his BA from Fordham University and his MA from the University of Vermont.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 33 reviews
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January 6, 2025*sigh* I don’t know what to say I’ve read Instagram posts more useful than this.
October 10, 2017
This book is a validation of my opinion of where sports are today. I wish the author would have discussed more about the pressures put on parents to pay to play not just for highly competitive and highly achieving kids, but for kids who just want to learn the game. It appears to be an all or nothing deal. If your kid wants to learn the game and play at all competitively, then lots of money needs to be spent, rather than a rec league where kids often pick daisies. There is no in between. Sports at ages younger than 10 are played year round so my kid is playing multiple sports at the same time rather than seasonal. Parents may be an issue, but if we want to "change the game" we need to eliminate travel teams and bring back seasonal sports like the old days.
January 21, 2014
Really good. This particularly resonated with me since the author's background is right in line with the environment we are in right now - club soccer. I wish every sports parent would read this book. I agreed with all of it but yet it can still be hard not to get sucked in to making emotionally-driven mistakes when you are dealing with your own child. I just really liked the attitude that the book carried and the fact that it was backed up with plenty of research.
October 6, 2024
Really wonderful insights and actionable steps to support our kids in sports. I really valued the idea of having conversations to identify the actual life goals and benefits of playing sports and ways to enact healthy life balance in the process. I also loved the questions for parents to consider.
November 21, 2017
Great book. A huge recommendation for all youth sports parents. Really puts things into prospective.
Some of the biggest ideas in the book are the following:
1- Design what you want your child to get out of sport experience
2- Include your child in the design of the sport experience
3- Release your child to the sport. It is their experience
4- Fan, Ref, Coach - Pick one role. cant be all three. The only realistic role is that of a fan.
5- I love to watch you play - Say that to them after every event
Some of the biggest ideas in the book are the following:
1- Design what you want your child to get out of sport experience
2- Include your child in the design of the sport experience
3- Release your child to the sport. It is their experience
4- Fan, Ref, Coach - Pick one role. cant be all three. The only realistic role is that of a fan.
5- I love to watch you play - Say that to them after every event
August 31, 2013
An eye opening look inside the world of youth sports. Good to know I am doing a few things right. Some great ideas about where to go from here.
December 29, 2022
Winning is ephemeral and success is perishable, but true excellence is resilient and enduring.
This book was recommended to me by my son's new travel baseball coach. This was especially poignant due to why we had a new coach from the previous season. After reading this book, I can see why the new coach stepped up and was immediately upfront with the change in focus and perspective he was bringing to the team.
John O'Sullivan lays out the seven "Cs" of a high performing state of mind:
Common Sense
Conditions
Communication
Control
Competence
Confidence
Caring
Each of those gets its own chapter. Some feel more substantive than others.
O'Sullivan . The biggest point he makes is that kids should play youth sports for fun, not to win competitions. We've all seen the parent living out their athletic dreams by pressuring their kid to the point that the kid quits. That parent never stopped to ask what the kid wanted or why they wanted that (that would fall under the Communication and Control items above).
One of the longest sections in Changing the Game lays out the Long-Term Athletic Development (LTAD) framework created by Canadian Sport For Life (CS4L). The framework goes through the different stages a youth athlete should progress. It is not until stage 5 where they "train to compete", which isn't until athletes reach the age of 15 or 16. Up until then the focus is on fun and training to train. This focus on the process rather than the results sets up athletes for lifelong success and happiness.
This particular book is aimed squarely at the parents of young athletes (as opposed to coaches, like O'Sullivan's ). Right upfront he lays out the miniscule odds of any child making it to the professional level of any sport (a concept also discussed in 5-6-7 Dad's ). The focus, as a parent especially, is on using sports to instill lifelong skills and abilities, not to fill a mantle with trophies. It will serve your child far more to have them gain confidence and competence while understanding control and common sense (along with the responsibility that comes with that) in caring conditions.
I highly recommend Changing the Game to any parent, not even just those with kids involved in sports. John O'Sullivan provides a wealth of advice useful for raising any child.
This book was recommended to me by my son's new travel baseball coach. This was especially poignant due to why we had a new coach from the previous season. After reading this book, I can see why the new coach stepped up and was immediately upfront with the change in focus and perspective he was bringing to the team.
John O'Sullivan lays out the seven "Cs" of a high performing state of mind:
Common Sense
Conditions
Communication
Control
Competence
Confidence
Caring
Each of those gets its own chapter. Some feel more substantive than others.
O'Sullivan . The biggest point he makes is that kids should play youth sports for fun, not to win competitions. We've all seen the parent living out their athletic dreams by pressuring their kid to the point that the kid quits. That parent never stopped to ask what the kid wanted or why they wanted that (that would fall under the Communication and Control items above).
One of the longest sections in Changing the Game lays out the Long-Term Athletic Development (LTAD) framework created by Canadian Sport For Life (CS4L). The framework goes through the different stages a youth athlete should progress. It is not until stage 5 where they "train to compete", which isn't until athletes reach the age of 15 or 16. Up until then the focus is on fun and training to train. This focus on the process rather than the results sets up athletes for lifelong success and happiness.
This particular book is aimed squarely at the parents of young athletes (as opposed to coaches, like O'Sullivan's ). Right upfront he lays out the miniscule odds of any child making it to the professional level of any sport (a concept also discussed in 5-6-7 Dad's ). The focus, as a parent especially, is on using sports to instill lifelong skills and abilities, not to fill a mantle with trophies. It will serve your child far more to have them gain confidence and competence while understanding control and common sense (along with the responsibility that comes with that) in caring conditions.
I highly recommend Changing the Game to any parent, not even just those with kids involved in sports. John O'Sullivan provides a wealth of advice useful for raising any child.
September 10, 2018
This is a good book, but it sort of suffers from "preaching to the choir" syndrome. Lots of good, common sense, but ultimately obvious advice about how not to be a dick at your kid's soccer game. The guy who IS a dick at his kid's soccer game is never going to read this.
That said, there are some interesting pieces of information:
- He talks a little about a Canadian initiative for long term athletic development and motivating people to be active for life. It uses scientific research to back up theories about what kinds of activities, and how much competition, kids should be doing at different ages. It's interesting stuff but I wish the book went into more detail - there aren't many actionable specifics.
- Research shows that a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative feedback is optimal for motivating kids.
- He covers the mindsets research by Carol Dweck, which shows that people who believe that ability can be changed through effort achieve greater success (in many areas, not just athletics) than those who believe that ability is fixed. Therefore it's always better to praise effort rather than success - it sends the message to work hard.
- The difference between goals and expectations: goals are something we strive for but may not be achieved. Expectations are always in our control. It's fair to expect your child to always work hard, but not fair to expect them to win the state championship. The first is in their control, the second isn't. It's important to keep this distinction.
- A lot of athletic drills and activities employ an elimination technique, ensuring that the kids that need the most practice get the least. Employ the "slanty line" theory (the least athletic kids have to jump over the low end of the line, the most athletic over the highest) "to encourage children to compete against their best, and not others."
That said, there are some interesting pieces of information:
- He talks a little about a Canadian initiative for long term athletic development and motivating people to be active for life. It uses scientific research to back up theories about what kinds of activities, and how much competition, kids should be doing at different ages. It's interesting stuff but I wish the book went into more detail - there aren't many actionable specifics.
- Research shows that a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative feedback is optimal for motivating kids.
- He covers the mindsets research by Carol Dweck, which shows that people who believe that ability can be changed through effort achieve greater success (in many areas, not just athletics) than those who believe that ability is fixed. Therefore it's always better to praise effort rather than success - it sends the message to work hard.
- The difference between goals and expectations: goals are something we strive for but may not be achieved. Expectations are always in our control. It's fair to expect your child to always work hard, but not fair to expect them to win the state championship. The first is in their control, the second isn't. It's important to keep this distinction.
- A lot of athletic drills and activities employ an elimination technique, ensuring that the kids that need the most practice get the least. Employ the "slanty line" theory (the least athletic kids have to jump over the low end of the line, the most athletic over the highest) "to encourage children to compete against their best, and not others."
September 9, 2018
If helping your child to get the most out of their youth sports experience is important to you, this book is for you. The author offers parents fantastic advice on how to return the sports experience to where it belongs - with our children. With advice and a perspective that is every bit as relevant to parenting in general, I took a lot from it. Especially powerful were the "Game Changing questions" sections in each chapter. Great starting points for rich discussion.
November 17, 2017
A must read for all coaches and parents. Whilst many may think that O'Sullivan is at times stating the obvious, they will then see how they themselves have also at times fallen prey to outside pressures and unrealistic expectations. All parents and coaches need to read this book. Our children deserve it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 20, 2021
This book addresses the main challenges and mistakes parents face when children practice any sport at any level and how our efforts and actions do not help to shape our kids in the right direction.
It is a must for coaches and parents and I will be keep reading from time to time to not forget our real role as parents.
It is a must for coaches and parents and I will be keep reading from time to time to not forget our real role as parents.
August 27, 2019
Excellent Resource
I thoroughly enjoyed how this book approaches giving parenting advice in today’s hyper competitive youth sports environment. I’m looking forward to telling my daughter how much I love watching her play.
I thoroughly enjoyed how this book approaches giving parenting advice in today’s hyper competitive youth sports environment. I’m looking forward to telling my daughter how much I love watching her play.
December 19, 2020
Required reading for every coach and parent of youth sports participants
Required reading for every coach and parent of youth sports participants. The landscape of youth sports needs change and this book is the guide
Required reading for every coach and parent of youth sports participants. The landscape of youth sports needs change and this book is the guide
November 14, 2017
It gives essential knowledge how to act as a parent of an athlete. How to help your athlete child, what to avoid, what to encourage him with.
Great read.
Great read.
April 12, 2019
This should be required reading for youth sports coaches and parents.
July 17, 2019
Loved this book. Feel like it should be required reading for sports parents.
August 20, 2022
A++
An easy to read master class in sport psychology.
An easy to read master class in sport psychology.
June 19, 2024
This is a must read for parents and coaches alike. Having the correct mindset, goals, expectations and standards will make for a better environment for players.
January 29, 2017
This book should be required reading for any parent with kids in competitive sports. The author identifies many areas where we have gone astray in the youth sports experience in the US. Parents need to realize that statistically, not one of their child's team will be a pro. Highly unlikely will more than one will earn a college scholarship. Parents would be better served getting off the road traveling with their kids sports and stay home and play local. If we would all do this, the competition would be better local and your college fund would be a whole lot healthier. Read this book on your own and truly contemplate its message.
August 28, 2016
If you are a sports mom or dad, please read this! This book slapped me across the face over and over. And I consider myself to be one of the more "mild" sports parents out there! Participation in a sport can provide so many valuable life lessons and a lifetime of memories, but parents need to take a serious look at whether or not their actions and words are creating positive experience for their child.
September 21, 2018
Great
I have been that crazy parent on the sidelines, talking through the game on the ride home. My daughter started to express burn out and not having fun. I realized I needed a new perspective on parenting and sports. This book has helped me so much. I now go to the games and just enjoy them and my daughter is now more confident and having fun again. I highly recommend this book.
I have been that crazy parent on the sidelines, talking through the game on the ride home. My daughter started to express burn out and not having fun. I realized I needed a new perspective on parenting and sports. This book has helped me so much. I now go to the games and just enjoy them and my daughter is now more confident and having fun again. I highly recommend this book.
September 11, 2016
If you have a serious kid in sports, this books is a MUST read. I highly recommend it for parents of kiddos who have big dreams in athletics or participate in athletics at all. And hoping for that college scholarship to make all those hours and financial investments worth it??? Either enjoy your kids activities with them playing for fun or save your money. lol. But really, a fantastic read.
August 11, 2014
"Changing the Game" is the go-to book for understanding and improving youth sports for the kids. A must-read for parents, coaches, athletes, and all folks involved w/ youth sports. Highly recommended!
September 5, 2016
Great read. Simple advice. Any parent with a child in any sport should heed John's insight.
August 14, 2014
August Parenting by the Book title
November 18, 2014
I highly recommend this book for all parents with children participating in any sport. It would be awesome to put more fun back in their game.
November 17, 2015
I wish this was required reading for every parent in my child's soccer club.
February 16, 2016
I don't think there was any ground breaking news in this book, but the things John talks about are good to keep in mind if you have kids that are doing sports.
August 9, 2016
Must read for any coach or any parent who has a cold playing sports. Common sense advice!
February 18, 2020
Every parent needs to read if his is kid doing any sport. Great ideas, examples and reminders what sport and fun is. Guide how to become biggest fan of Your child by helping him enjoy the game.
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