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Dysmorphic Kingdom
Vesper is a scientific-minded young woman living in the kingdom of Malland. When she finds a detached talking penis in the woods, her sheltered life with its wistful fantasies of change explodes into chaos as the penis chases her home, wrecks her sister’s engagement party, and causes a scandal so costly that it results in Vesper’s forced engagement to a wart-faced widower who agrees to pay her family’s debt.
Vesper flees her engagement, hoping for a reward when she returns the penis to his owner—the royal prince, no less. But she discovers that the penis isn’t the only talking body part flying around the kingdom. People everywhere are falling victim to a magical disease that causes body parts to fall off and animate, and Vesper finds herself fighting an evil plot to create an army of body parts and a society of denial and control, one that deals with all problems by severing them.
Vesper flees her engagement, hoping for a reward when she returns the penis to his owner—the royal prince, no less. But she discovers that the penis isn’t the only talking body part flying around the kingdom. People everywhere are falling victim to a magical disease that causes body parts to fall off and animate, and Vesper finds herself fighting an evil plot to create an army of body parts and a society of denial and control, one that deals with all problems by severing them.
- GenresFantasy
322 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 23, 2015
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284 people want to read
About the author
Colleen Chen
7Ìýbooks3ÌýfollowersColleen Chen is a speculative fiction writer and a bodyworker living in the Twin Cities. She received her B.A. in PPE (Philosophy, Politics, and Economics) from Pomona College in Claremont, CA, and her J.D. from Harvard Law School.
Colleen’s stories have been published in a number of venues online and in print in several anthologies, and she is the author of a growing list of choose-your-own-erotic-adventure novellas at . She blogs online at and is a reviewer for the speculative fiction review site Tangent Online.
Colleen’s stories have been published in a number of venues online and in print in several anthologies, and she is the author of a growing list of choose-your-own-erotic-adventure novellas at . She blogs online at and is a reviewer for the speculative fiction review site Tangent Online.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
May 31, 2021
I remember going to see "The company of wolves" in 1984 and very much liking it. One of the things I liked so much about it was how the sexual/erotic aspects of the Red Riding Hood "fairy tale" were exposed (no pun intended) and explored. Years later I was similarly impressed by "Into the woods". Lapine and Sondheim's wolf certainly did intend to eat the girl up, but he clearly had other intentions, too. I mention this because Dysmorphic Kingdom is tagged as a "Fairly tale" and although there are witches and wizards and magic going on I felt the psycho/erotic currents are what really drives this novel.
Ms.Chen clearly knows what she's talking about on both these fronts and describes them with great insight and a laudable fluency of expression. That said, some of the antics of the flying penile protagonist are really funny. However, this is one mean member and some incidents he's involved in conjure up images which provoked a similar reaction to that induced by the sound of fingernails scratching a blackboard. I mean, being done to death by a dousing of semen just made me shudder.
Joking aside, this a finely balanced mix of the fantastic, sometimes farcical with deeper considerations of gender, the human condition and the possibility of balance in human relations.
Ms.Chen clearly knows what she's talking about on both these fronts and describes them with great insight and a laudable fluency of expression. That said, some of the antics of the flying penile protagonist are really funny. However, this is one mean member and some incidents he's involved in conjure up images which provoked a similar reaction to that induced by the sound of fingernails scratching a blackboard. I mean, being done to death by a dousing of semen just made me shudder.
Joking aside, this a finely balanced mix of the fantastic, sometimes farcical with deeper considerations of gender, the human condition and the possibility of balance in human relations.
July 16, 2023
This was a fun, ridiculous romp of a story! A world of magic, patriarchy, and detached body parts where I had absolutely no idea what was going to happen next! (and yes, that does include the detached talking penis that we meet only a couple of pages in ... a very good hint of the kind of story you're settling in to read.) I enjoyed the unexpectedness of it and the cast of characters. I do wish the two main love interests were bit more fleshed out - pun intended - we learned what Vesper thought of them but in parts there was a bit of over-narration about her uncertainty, which took some of the mystery out of the budding relationships. I enjoyed the final outcomes, the twists and turns of the war, and the utterly fantastical and explicit absurdity of the story! I've never read anything like it.
June 28, 2017
Lmao. 3.5 hilarious stars.
This book cracked me up. Definitely recommend this one. The whole concept was so bizarre you honestly can't believe the characters are so serious over a penis which seems to have developed a taste for freedom.
that sounded wrong. lmao.
Full review to come soon.
This book cracked me up. Definitely recommend this one. The whole concept was so bizarre you honestly can't believe the characters are so serious over a penis which seems to have developed a taste for freedom.
that sounded wrong. lmao.
Full review to come soon.
December 31, 2019
Wtf tomfoolery at its finest. Read this to constantly laugh and have a good time. Read this to not take anything at all seriously. You have penises, vaginas, ears, lips, arms, legs and every other body part all over the place. Da fuq.
November 17, 2015
What can you say about a book like Dysmorphic Kingdom? Needless to say, it scores major points for originality (A talking penis? Come on, now!), and I was pleasantly surprised by the turns the plot took. It’s not a tale of erotic exploits such as you might perhaps be expecting from the premise; rather, it’s a well-developed adventure story that focuses more on the emotional journeys of the characters than the sexual ones. Indeed, it has a surprisingly traditional romantic subplot and the usual range of heroes, villains, and those who are both and neither. I enjoyed the writing style, which, by and large, is competent and flows well, although every so often I thought there was a bit too much detail regarding everyday occurrences; personally, I think I would have found the occasional lapse in continuity to be more engaging. However, it is certainly a unique and quite memorable book � I finished it some months ago, and it certainly stands out in my recollection far more than many of the books I’ve read since. I will be curious to see what else this author has up her sleeve!
January 4, 2016
A bizarro twist on traditional fantasy tropes, Dysmorphic Kingdom follows Vesper's quest through a magical kingdom to find the owner of a walking, talking, and very horny detached penis.
In a world were women are bartered and education is replaced with magic, Vesper stands out as a strong and confident protagonist that fights against the currents of her family's conservative traditions. With the the threat of marrying a man she despises, Vesper goes on a mad trek to the king's court to find the owner of this strange, anthropomorphic penis.
On her way, she encounters a plague of severed body parts and dark forces at work.
In a world were women are bartered and education is replaced with magic, Vesper stands out as a strong and confident protagonist that fights against the currents of her family's conservative traditions. With the the threat of marrying a man she despises, Vesper goes on a mad trek to the king's court to find the owner of this strange, anthropomorphic penis.
On her way, she encounters a plague of severed body parts and dark forces at work.
July 31, 2015
This novel is full of vibrant characters and delightful magical happenings. In addition to being entertaining, it expounds upon a struggle every one of us faces: self-acceptance. We all have demons to conquer in some form or other, and Chen brings them to life in a most creative and visionary way.
September 30, 2015
The book is totally different from the piles of ones i have read before. I loved the balance between humor and other parts of the plot plus the imagination of the writer Collen Chen. I hope she writes more :).
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December 15, 2017Read a chapter and it just wasn't for me.
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