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Ten Dates for Mates
Describes a series of activities designed to encourage married couples to improve communication, deepen their relationships, and examine their marital priorities
176 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 1983
7 people want to read
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June 25, 2021
This book is a low four, high three. It has some great ideas, but it wasn't totally what I was expecting. As marriage books go, though, this is probably one of the better ones I've read lately.
This is a workbook designed to help Christian couples communicate better in their marriages by sending them on ten "dates" where they discuss chapter readings and brief assignments together in order to learn more about each other and how to work together as a team in life. It covers everything from conflict resolution, sex, communication styles, roles, and goal-setting. It's dated and definitely geared toward the standard American Evangelical, but it has some great activities to help couples go deeper in their relationship.
Confession: I only read this book. I didn't actually grab my husband and do the dates, mainly because it's designed to work best over a ten week period, and my library needs the book back before then. HOWEVER, I would absolutely be interested in doing it, because it seems fun and getting the chance to talk to each other about these things in a private setting is always welcome and helpful. I liked how practical it was and the gentle tone. I loved how both husband and wife wrote it together!
My first issue with it is just a simple one: it's dated. It needs revised, perhaps with input from Christian marriage therapists as well. It tends to be a little simplistic. I think updating it with modern psychology explanations and techniques would make it apply to more people with a wider range of marriage problems. The last chapter is also your standard Evangelical sales-pitch (which, why is it at the end? You use Christian principles and Bible verses throughout the entire thing, but wait until the end to talk about Jesus? Seems like putting the cart before the horse tbh). Putting aside the fact that I'm Orthodox and not Evangelical, the last chapter was overly trite and cliché. If you're going to try to evangelize through a marriage book, don't just tack it on at the end and make it so simplistic and saccharine. Honestly though, I doubt any non-Christian is going to be interested in this book because it begins from a standpoint of common perceptions about the authority of Scripture and the existence of God, so if you don't believe in those things, you'll be turned off from chapter one. It's written for Christians, despite the attempt at evangelism at the end.
My biggest issue, though, is that this book was not at all what I expected! It's called "Ten Dates for Mates" and the cover promises "an exciting package of nights out to improve your marriage". So, I thought this would be more about what KINDS of dates you could go on, focusing more on the activities you could do together versus just "pick a restaurant and talk about these things". It's NOT a date book; it's a communication book, which is fine! But don't lead me on thinking it's something it isn't. So, if you know that going in, you're less likely to be disappointed in it.
Personally, I think it has great concepts and ideas. I'd love to see an updated version or perhaps a different version altogether (written by an Orthodox marriage therapist?? Fuse this concept with writings by the Fathers and good modern therapy techniques and activities, and this book would be dynamite! I don't think anything like this exists in the English Orthodox world so...someone go write it!). I'd recommend it to Protestant Christians who would like some guidance on better communication in their marriage. It's NOT written for marriages that are suffering or undergoing trauma (get a therapist if that's you). But if things are good or could just be a little better, this book will help you reconnect with your mate. I think it'd be fabulous for new couples especially. But it needs updated first for sure.
This is a workbook designed to help Christian couples communicate better in their marriages by sending them on ten "dates" where they discuss chapter readings and brief assignments together in order to learn more about each other and how to work together as a team in life. It covers everything from conflict resolution, sex, communication styles, roles, and goal-setting. It's dated and definitely geared toward the standard American Evangelical, but it has some great activities to help couples go deeper in their relationship.
Confession: I only read this book. I didn't actually grab my husband and do the dates, mainly because it's designed to work best over a ten week period, and my library needs the book back before then. HOWEVER, I would absolutely be interested in doing it, because it seems fun and getting the chance to talk to each other about these things in a private setting is always welcome and helpful. I liked how practical it was and the gentle tone. I loved how both husband and wife wrote it together!
My first issue with it is just a simple one: it's dated. It needs revised, perhaps with input from Christian marriage therapists as well. It tends to be a little simplistic. I think updating it with modern psychology explanations and techniques would make it apply to more people with a wider range of marriage problems. The last chapter is also your standard Evangelical sales-pitch (which, why is it at the end? You use Christian principles and Bible verses throughout the entire thing, but wait until the end to talk about Jesus? Seems like putting the cart before the horse tbh). Putting aside the fact that I'm Orthodox and not Evangelical, the last chapter was overly trite and cliché. If you're going to try to evangelize through a marriage book, don't just tack it on at the end and make it so simplistic and saccharine. Honestly though, I doubt any non-Christian is going to be interested in this book because it begins from a standpoint of common perceptions about the authority of Scripture and the existence of God, so if you don't believe in those things, you'll be turned off from chapter one. It's written for Christians, despite the attempt at evangelism at the end.
My biggest issue, though, is that this book was not at all what I expected! It's called "Ten Dates for Mates" and the cover promises "an exciting package of nights out to improve your marriage". So, I thought this would be more about what KINDS of dates you could go on, focusing more on the activities you could do together versus just "pick a restaurant and talk about these things". It's NOT a date book; it's a communication book, which is fine! But don't lead me on thinking it's something it isn't. So, if you know that going in, you're less likely to be disappointed in it.
Personally, I think it has great concepts and ideas. I'd love to see an updated version or perhaps a different version altogether (written by an Orthodox marriage therapist?? Fuse this concept with writings by the Fathers and good modern therapy techniques and activities, and this book would be dynamite! I don't think anything like this exists in the English Orthodox world so...someone go write it!). I'd recommend it to Protestant Christians who would like some guidance on better communication in their marriage. It's NOT written for marriages that are suffering or undergoing trauma (get a therapist if that's you). But if things are good or could just be a little better, this book will help you reconnect with your mate. I think it'd be fabulous for new couples especially. But it needs updated first for sure.
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