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Positive Discipline for Today's Busy (and Overwhelmed) Parent: How to Balance Work, Parenting, and Self for Lasting Well-Being
With the increasing pressure to excel at parenting, work, and personal relationships, it's easy to feel stressed and dissatisfied. This targeted Positive Discipline guide gives parents the tools to parent effectively without sacrificing their well-being or giving up on their life goals. Instead of creating unachievable expectations, you will instead learn to play to your strengths at work and at home. You'll integrate your seemingly disparate areas of life and use Positive Discipline to make the most out of your time, energy and relationships. By helping you get to the bottom of the underlying causes of misbehavior, busy parents will also be able to avoid pampering and keep permissive and punitive parenting at bay. Instead of feeling fragmented and guilty, you'll have the presence of mind to explore what works best for you and your family.
Attitude is key - we'll help you feel confident in your parenting abilities and your professional choices, making your children more likely to adopt an attitude of self-reliance and cooperation. Armed with communication strategies and tips for self-reflection, moms (and dads!) won't have to feel guilty about leaving their child with a sitter during the day, or leaving work early to go to a soccer game.
Attitude is key - we'll help you feel confident in your parenting abilities and your professional choices, making your children more likely to adopt an attitude of self-reliance and cooperation. Armed with communication strategies and tips for self-reflection, moms (and dads!) won't have to feel guilty about leaving their child with a sitter during the day, or leaving work early to go to a soccer game.
368 pages, Paperback
Published September 11, 2018
82 people are currently reading
153 people want to read
About the author
Jane Nelsen
129Ìýbooks166ÌýfollowersDr. Jane Nelsen is a licensed Marriage, Family and Child Counselor in South Jordan, UT and Carlsbad, CA.
She is the author and/or coauthor of the Positive Discipline Series.
She is the author and/or coauthor of the Positive Discipline Series.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
February 5, 2020
This is one of the best parenting books I’ve read because the advice is targeted, practical, and actionable, and it emphasizes the importance of balancing your parenting with your profession, marriage, and personal life. I knew a little about positive discipline before reading it, but it gave me some new ideas about how to effectively run family meetings, use positive time-out, and parent with both kindness and firmness. That said, the book suffers from a complete lack of organization. It’s as if the authors wrote a bunch of chapters on tangentially related topics and put them in a random order. The actual strategies for positive discipline (the parts I found most helpful) were scattered throughout the book, and the sections/chapters didn’t seem to build on each other in any way. For example, chapter 14: Your Dreams Count ended up being mostly about how to make plans for the future while you’re pregnant and how to negotiate/use your parental leave. Why does this chapter appear so late in the book and 9 chapters AFTER the chapter on how to find good childcare? And why spend so long discussing parental leave when most of the book is for parents of kids ages 4 and up? The book is well-written and easy to follow, so I didn’t mind reading the whole thing, but I think it could have been significantly edited to make it easier to skim and shorter for the busy parents it’s supposed to be for.
November 28, 2018
The books includes 5 parts, 17 chapters, a troubleshooting guide, and mistaken goal chart. All these tools to help parents positively discipline children. An index offers oodles of opportunities to look up issues you may be dealing with in your home, work, or school environment.
It is overwhelming how much parenting advice is out there. And most of it is so very wrong. I’ve overheard well-meaning people at church coach young moms to spank or smack their toddlers. I’ve heard them offer time-outs or “just you wait until we get home.�
Frazzled parents are desperate for answers and solutions for discipline that heals wounds � both theirs and the kids.
The choices we make with our kids matter. The way we speak and deal with difficulties in our families will stay with our kids as their inner voices.
What are the long-term consequences of our parenting choices?
I was raised harshly. I am still overcoming the consequences of my parents� choices.
I wasn’t a proactive parent in the beginning. I was dealing with my own issues and baggage and that traveled over into my parenting. I did a lot of things wrong, said a lot of mean things, used nasty tones and facial expressions, and even spanked my two oldest daughters.
Thankfully, I found better methods for parenting and apologized to my girls. I did things differently with my third daughter and son.
Emotional intelligence is very important as parents so we can raise our children wisely, to make better choices, to break the cycles of poor parenting or even abuse.
I am healing and choosing gratitude and peace and it shows in all our relationships.
It is overwhelming how much parenting advice is out there. And most of it is so very wrong. I’ve overheard well-meaning people at church coach young moms to spank or smack their toddlers. I’ve heard them offer time-outs or “just you wait until we get home.�
Frazzled parents are desperate for answers and solutions for discipline that heals wounds � both theirs and the kids.
The choices we make with our kids matter. The way we speak and deal with difficulties in our families will stay with our kids as their inner voices.
What are the long-term consequences of our parenting choices?
I was raised harshly. I am still overcoming the consequences of my parents� choices.
I wasn’t a proactive parent in the beginning. I was dealing with my own issues and baggage and that traveled over into my parenting. I did a lot of things wrong, said a lot of mean things, used nasty tones and facial expressions, and even spanked my two oldest daughters.
Thankfully, I found better methods for parenting and apologized to my girls. I did things differently with my third daughter and son.
Emotional intelligence is very important as parents so we can raise our children wisely, to make better choices, to break the cycles of poor parenting or even abuse.
I am healing and choosing gratitude and peace and it shows in all our relationships.
October 15, 2021
"Positive Discipline for Today's Busy (and Overwhelmed) Parent: How to Balance Work, Parenting, and Self for Lasting Well-Being"
Reviewed on 14 October 2021
I love the concepts discussed in Nelson's book. You first. Positive discipline is based on universal principles of living that include connection and belonging, social interests, development of compassion, motivation, skill development, focussing on solutions, the joy of seeing mistakes as an opportunity to learn. You need to develop these attributes in your own life before you can teach them to your kids. You need to model these techniques in your own life so your child can see how they need to behave. Motivate yourself and children to make wiser choices.
It’s important to let go of things that we have no control over. For me, it’s also the whole journey of IVF and getting pregnant. I look at each of the unsuccessful cycles as a way the higher power is telling me that I’m not ready and I need to learn more about being the best parent I can be.
Before, kids were raised by generations of family members, but now its not always the case. Many different culture have three generations under one roof. Now, families often don’t live near their extended families. More so now, men are raising kids, too. There is a lot of pressure and confusing advice. Our environment is rapidly changing.
This book highlights many important points. I do lone that she talks about self-care, which is something mother often forget as they are always busy about taking care of others. I'd highly recommend it.
Reviewed on 14 October 2021
I love the concepts discussed in Nelson's book. You first. Positive discipline is based on universal principles of living that include connection and belonging, social interests, development of compassion, motivation, skill development, focussing on solutions, the joy of seeing mistakes as an opportunity to learn. You need to develop these attributes in your own life before you can teach them to your kids. You need to model these techniques in your own life so your child can see how they need to behave. Motivate yourself and children to make wiser choices.
It’s important to let go of things that we have no control over. For me, it’s also the whole journey of IVF and getting pregnant. I look at each of the unsuccessful cycles as a way the higher power is telling me that I’m not ready and I need to learn more about being the best parent I can be.
Before, kids were raised by generations of family members, but now its not always the case. Many different culture have three generations under one roof. Now, families often don’t live near their extended families. More so now, men are raising kids, too. There is a lot of pressure and confusing advice. Our environment is rapidly changing.
This book highlights many important points. I do lone that she talks about self-care, which is something mother often forget as they are always busy about taking care of others. I'd highly recommend it.
September 19, 2023
"A misbehaving child is a discouraged child."
"Respect invites respect. When you show respect to your children, they are more likely to respect your reasonable wishes."
"On the challenging side, you may be modeling stress, a sense that external events are more important than family, or an overemphasis on 'doing' and lack of time to just 'be.'"
"Remember that perfection is not required. What is required is effort. Long-term effort that will give long-term rewards. Don't expect overnight miracles. They are not likely to last anyway."
"If you take away just one tool from this book, let it be encouragement. It is truly universal."
"Many people are overly kind and generous to others. A trap for those whose top card is pleasing. We define overly kind as doing for others even when does not fit for you and may be detrimental to you. When you give too much, you will ultimately feel resentful and taken advantage of. When you are kind to yourself by using boundaries to take care of your needs. You will be in a much better position to respect your partner as well."
"Pay attention. Are your children getting the impression that they are not important? Put down whatever you are doing and focus on your child as though he or she is more important than anything else you could do."
Four Rs of recovery: 1. Recognize (Oops, I made a mistake) 2. Reconnect (validate their feelings) 3. Reconcile (I am sorry) 4. Resolve (what can we do to make things better)
Family meetings: 1. Compliments 2. Evaluate past solutions 3. Discuss agenda items 4. Calendar time 5. Weekly meal planning 6. Fun activity and treat
"Respect invites respect. When you show respect to your children, they are more likely to respect your reasonable wishes."
"On the challenging side, you may be modeling stress, a sense that external events are more important than family, or an overemphasis on 'doing' and lack of time to just 'be.'"
"Remember that perfection is not required. What is required is effort. Long-term effort that will give long-term rewards. Don't expect overnight miracles. They are not likely to last anyway."
"If you take away just one tool from this book, let it be encouragement. It is truly universal."
"Many people are overly kind and generous to others. A trap for those whose top card is pleasing. We define overly kind as doing for others even when does not fit for you and may be detrimental to you. When you give too much, you will ultimately feel resentful and taken advantage of. When you are kind to yourself by using boundaries to take care of your needs. You will be in a much better position to respect your partner as well."
"Pay attention. Are your children getting the impression that they are not important? Put down whatever you are doing and focus on your child as though he or she is more important than anything else you could do."
Four Rs of recovery: 1. Recognize (Oops, I made a mistake) 2. Reconnect (validate their feelings) 3. Reconcile (I am sorry) 4. Resolve (what can we do to make things better)
Family meetings: 1. Compliments 2. Evaluate past solutions 3. Discuss agenda items 4. Calendar time 5. Weekly meal planning 6. Fun activity and treat
December 2, 2018
The perfect parenting book for a working parent!
I am a Stay at Home Mom but I also still found loads of information for parenting in a positive light. I have immediately implemented several of Nelsen's approaches when disciplining my three young children. One of my favorite aspects was to remove myself from a situation if my children are not behaving rather than resorting to yelling (the author explains it much better in this situation).
The main aspects that I liked about this Positive Discipline is targeting the whole child: empowering, listening, loving, and so much more! I will be incorporating several strategies going forward to ensure my children can definitely feel my love for them along with knowing that they have to follow my rules to ensure their safety.
If you are a new mom or looking at going back in to the workforce this book gives you answers to all those terrifying feelings you go through of separation anxiety to good approaches to get the maximum time during your nighttimes together.
***Thank you to NetGalley & Crown Publishing for the ARC***
I am a Stay at Home Mom but I also still found loads of information for parenting in a positive light. I have immediately implemented several of Nelsen's approaches when disciplining my three young children. One of my favorite aspects was to remove myself from a situation if my children are not behaving rather than resorting to yelling (the author explains it much better in this situation).
The main aspects that I liked about this Positive Discipline is targeting the whole child: empowering, listening, loving, and so much more! I will be incorporating several strategies going forward to ensure my children can definitely feel my love for them along with knowing that they have to follow my rules to ensure their safety.
If you are a new mom or looking at going back in to the workforce this book gives you answers to all those terrifying feelings you go through of separation anxiety to good approaches to get the maximum time during your nighttimes together.
***Thank you to NetGalley & Crown Publishing for the ARC***
October 27, 2019
I really enjoyed reading this book - if nothing else, this book helps to feel that it is possible to manage the relationship between self, significant other and your child is possible. Also, it supports the idea that only a happy and fulfilled parent can raise a happy and fulfilled child.
Maybe a bit I didn't really expect is that lessons that help you to communicate effectively with your child, will help you in other areas of your life (work) and this book gives some examples of that too.
Since I am only preparing to welcome my own child, this book is a bit ahead of the time for me, but I will definitely revisit it in a year or two.
Maybe a bit I didn't really expect is that lessons that help you to communicate effectively with your child, will help you in other areas of your life (work) and this book gives some examples of that too.
Since I am only preparing to welcome my own child, this book is a bit ahead of the time for me, but I will definitely revisit it in a year or two.
July 7, 2019
This book being recommended by my good friend never disappointed me. Very well written for thoughtful parents who do mean and care about being a good parent with neither punitive nor pampering upbringing their kids. Instead, a lot of practical advice like connections before correction, love message first with following analysis of the problem/mistake to find a solution, mistakes are great opportunities, be kind but firm and many many other techniques how to apply them in your family.
I love this book and highly recommend it to any parent who is trying to “balance it all�.
I love this book and highly recommend it to any parent who is trying to “balance it all�.
Read
September 29, 2020Another book that assumes two working parents have the money to hire a house cleaner, grocery delivery, etc. Or that they have a broad choice in child care categories and have the time off work to go interview/observe child care places.
November 22, 2020
Useful intro to positive discipline. It’s comprehensive and targeted at working parents. Lots of wise and practical tools, which I hope I’ll be able to apply in the future. Things I found especially useful: mistaken goals, parallels between parenting and professional life.
August 17, 2023
Good parenting book but the information is repetitive and scattered throughout. The book went into detail about how to be successful at work after maternity leave which was good information but wasn't something I expected to be in the book.
August 29, 2018
Review to come.
Final quarter gets bogged down in the importance of parental self-care.
Final quarter gets bogged down in the importance of parental self-care.
December 27, 2018
The first half of the book is ok but then it goes off the rails and starts talking about job and marriage advice instead of children or parenting.
March 16, 2021
I like the principles of positive parenting but I’ve read several other books that do a better job of presenting the concepts of positive parenting.
November 3, 2021
Too much self-help for me.
February 10, 2023
It was fine. Good take-a-ways, but a little boring at times.
June 15, 2023
Nothing earth shattering or any specific applicable advice for me, but a good listen on audiobook none the less
August 29, 2023
There are some great ideas and strategies in this book but I found way to much info on balancing work life and picking daycares so found I was skipping large chunks of the book.
August 24, 2018
Wow!
My first impersonation was Psychology 101 never felt so drawn out or so long. Positive Discipline is a book that I felt was more psychological based for the psychology student than for (a) parent(s).
While the book may have started dry, long and very drawn out it was very impressed with it and the information and quickly got into the book.
I’m always looking to improve my parenting style as my daughter grows and changes. I’ve noticed that as she does, so will the type of discipline method.
Like most people I took Psy 101 in college. However, I never ventured further than than class that class. I didn’t need it. I figured parenting was a learn as you go process. After all children don’t come with a manual.
Let’s face it. When we are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it can be easier to be permissive—as it is to be authoritarian. We often make the mistake of feeling sorry for our children. It may seem easier just to rescue them. Again, we forget the long-term results.
This books gives great pros on better discipline.
List of parenting styles
Positive discipline tools
End of chapter exercises
Family meeting format ( I love these. Our small family do this nightly so we can each discuss our day. Usually after dinner so we can really focus on everyone.)
Monkey See, Monkey Do (This was a big one for me...children do/become what they see/hear.)
The Four “R’s� of Recovery
Self care (It took me forever, but I finally take 10-15 minutes each night just to practice feeling breathing before bed. This has really helped me.)
Cons:
You won’t have access to the writable parts of the book (if using this electronic version)
You may find yourself skipping to certain parts of the book. Read it in its entirely and highlight the parts that are important to you for later reference.
I found there were more parts in this book that was helpful than I originally thought. It took me longer than usual because I shared the book with my husband.
I highly recommend this book.
My first impersonation was Psychology 101 never felt so drawn out or so long. Positive Discipline is a book that I felt was more psychological based for the psychology student than for (a) parent(s).
While the book may have started dry, long and very drawn out it was very impressed with it and the information and quickly got into the book.
I’m always looking to improve my parenting style as my daughter grows and changes. I’ve noticed that as she does, so will the type of discipline method.
Like most people I took Psy 101 in college. However, I never ventured further than than class that class. I didn’t need it. I figured parenting was a learn as you go process. After all children don’t come with a manual.
Let’s face it. When we are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it can be easier to be permissive—as it is to be authoritarian. We often make the mistake of feeling sorry for our children. It may seem easier just to rescue them. Again, we forget the long-term results.
This books gives great pros on better discipline.
List of parenting styles
Positive discipline tools
End of chapter exercises
Family meeting format ( I love these. Our small family do this nightly so we can each discuss our day. Usually after dinner so we can really focus on everyone.)
Monkey See, Monkey Do (This was a big one for me...children do/become what they see/hear.)
The Four “R’s� of Recovery
Self care (It took me forever, but I finally take 10-15 minutes each night just to practice feeling breathing before bed. This has really helped me.)
Cons:
You won’t have access to the writable parts of the book (if using this electronic version)
You may find yourself skipping to certain parts of the book. Read it in its entirely and highlight the parts that are important to you for later reference.
I found there were more parts in this book that was helpful than I originally thought. It took me longer than usual because I shared the book with my husband.
I highly recommend this book.
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