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Simon the Elf
Santa is a Vampire
Simon the Elf wants to tell you the true story behind Jolly Ole St. Nick. Yeah, he’s a vampire. But that alleged gift giver and lover of children hides more than that fact from you. And what about Mrs. Claus and Rudolph? Venture into a world of enslaved elves, enchanted animals, and death wrought by Santa himself. With his sharp wit, Simon will lead you into the darkest realms of Christmas. Warning: Simon cusses a lot. But you would, too, if Santa held you captive.
ebook
First published November 26, 2018
3 people are currently reading
28 people want to read
About the author
Damian Serbu
13Ìýbooks130ÌýfollowersDamian Serbu lives in the Chicago area with his husband and two dogs, Akasha and Chewbacca. The dogs control his life, tell him what to write, and threaten to eat him in the middle of the night if he disobeys. He has published The Vampire’s Angel, The Vampire’s Quest, The Bachmann Family Secret, The Vampire’s Witch, The Vampire’s Protégé, and The Vampire’s War, as well as Santa’s Kinky Elf, Simon and Santa Is a Vampire. Keep up with him at
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
January 14, 2019
This here revision is about this here book “Santa is a Vampire�.
The premise for this story is fantastic! Simon, an elf from Santa’s workshop, is relaying the true story of Santa: not only does he really exist, it turns out his jolly old self is actually an evil, psychopathic vampire!
This here story had so much potential to be insanely campy and delicious. Unfortunately, though, this here book is in desperate need of an editor who is not afraid to trim, nay, slash away the overused phrases and repetitive plot points. This here novel is already on the short side at just 267 pages, and I think there is enough excess to be trimmed that it could easily be turned into an amazing, tightly-written short story.
Another option would be to slash the unneeded bits and replace them with some juicy pornographic material. For a book that tries so hard to be shocking, it felt almost weird that there really wasn’t much sex (there was none that was really detailed or graphic) included at all.
As it stands, this book did not work for me, and that’s a shame. I really wanted to love and embrace it for its quirkiness, and I really did love some of the sarcastic snark that coloured Simon’s personality. But I just couldn’t get past some of the eccentricities in the writing.
2 stars for this story about this here story about a serial-killer-come-Santa [sic].
Thank you to NetGalley and NineStar Press for providing me with a DRC of this book.
The premise for this story is fantastic! Simon, an elf from Santa’s workshop, is relaying the true story of Santa: not only does he really exist, it turns out his jolly old self is actually an evil, psychopathic vampire!
This here story had so much potential to be insanely campy and delicious. Unfortunately, though, this here book is in desperate need of an editor who is not afraid to trim, nay, slash away the overused phrases and repetitive plot points. This here novel is already on the short side at just 267 pages, and I think there is enough excess to be trimmed that it could easily be turned into an amazing, tightly-written short story.
Another option would be to slash the unneeded bits and replace them with some juicy pornographic material. For a book that tries so hard to be shocking, it felt almost weird that there really wasn’t much sex (there was none that was really detailed or graphic) included at all.
As it stands, this book did not work for me, and that’s a shame. I really wanted to love and embrace it for its quirkiness, and I really did love some of the sarcastic snark that coloured Simon’s personality. But I just couldn’t get past some of the eccentricities in the writing.
2 stars for this story about this here story about a serial-killer-come-Santa [sic].
Thank you to NetGalley and NineStar Press for providing me with a DRC of this book.
November 22, 2018
I’ll admit I was very intrigued by this. I loved the idea that Santa is actually a vampire and elves are enslaved humans.
It started well. Simon the Elf is telling Santa’s story through his journal.
So, if you’re reading it, I’m probably dead.
So I loved the idea and I liked some of the sarky humour and conversations.
“Nope. You’ve taken well to my being a vampire.�
I jerked my head and stared at him. “Um, I wouldn’t say that.�
Santa nodded. “Yeah, it’s true. You’re handling it well.�
“No. I’m not.� I shook my head.
“Trust me. I’m an expert on these things. You’re doing well. So it’s decided!�
But (and I’m so sorry to say this) it just didn’t work.
Simon was too much and Santa wasn’t at all how I’d imagined he’d be. I wanted him to be dark but still likeable. And while he does kill a lot of people the flatulence for one thing gave it a stupid schoolboy feel.
I really struggled to finish and ended up skimming the last half just to make it to the end.
I voluntarily read a review copy kindly provided by NetGalley.
It started well. Simon the Elf is telling Santa’s story through his journal.
So, if you’re reading it, I’m probably dead.
So I loved the idea and I liked some of the sarky humour and conversations.
“Nope. You’ve taken well to my being a vampire.�
I jerked my head and stared at him. “Um, I wouldn’t say that.�
Santa nodded. “Yeah, it’s true. You’re handling it well.�
“No. I’m not.� I shook my head.
“Trust me. I’m an expert on these things. You’re doing well. So it’s decided!�
But (and I’m so sorry to say this) it just didn’t work.
Simon was too much and Santa wasn’t at all how I’d imagined he’d be. I wanted him to be dark but still likeable. And while he does kill a lot of people the flatulence for one thing gave it a stupid schoolboy feel.
I really struggled to finish and ended up skimming the last half just to make it to the end.
I voluntarily read a review copy kindly provided by NetGalley.
November 25, 2018
Thank you NetGalley and NineStar Press, LLC for this ARC.
A vampire version of Santa, the elves are enslaved, Rudolph is a jerk, and all told by a sassy gay elf named Simon... my curiosity was piqued.
I went in with low expectations for a cheesy holiday book with vampires and some giggles. For the most part that's what I got.
"Listen, even without Santa's hidden reality, who opens their door for a dude in a Santa outfit unless you're expecting the stripper I referenced?"
Simon was a great MC. He was sassy (mostly to his detriment), likeable, enjoyed the holiday spirits a bit too much, cursed like a sailor and had a wild imagination. What's not to love?!
"I love cursing a lot. Doesn't surprise me it flies a little more when the inhibitions get loosened up. Naughty words make the world more colorful. More interesting."
There were a lot of low brow jokes (farts and vomit really?) and weird moments that kind of sent the book off in a weird direction. This was never gonna be a high quality book meant for anything other than entertainment. If you read this, go in with that thought at the forefront.
The story was a cool idea and had the writing been a bit more cohesive I think it could have worked. For most of the book it felt like the author was trying too hard, that at every turn of the page something new had been interjected for pure shock value and didn't really fit in with the story.
*please refer to the ice dungeon and the nutcracker stuff for further proof of this*
A vampire version of Santa, the elves are enslaved, Rudolph is a jerk, and all told by a sassy gay elf named Simon... my curiosity was piqued.
I went in with low expectations for a cheesy holiday book with vampires and some giggles. For the most part that's what I got.
"Listen, even without Santa's hidden reality, who opens their door for a dude in a Santa outfit unless you're expecting the stripper I referenced?"
Simon was a great MC. He was sassy (mostly to his detriment), likeable, enjoyed the holiday spirits a bit too much, cursed like a sailor and had a wild imagination. What's not to love?!
"I love cursing a lot. Doesn't surprise me it flies a little more when the inhibitions get loosened up. Naughty words make the world more colorful. More interesting."
There were a lot of low brow jokes (farts and vomit really?) and weird moments that kind of sent the book off in a weird direction. This was never gonna be a high quality book meant for anything other than entertainment. If you read this, go in with that thought at the forefront.
The story was a cool idea and had the writing been a bit more cohesive I think it could have worked. For most of the book it felt like the author was trying too hard, that at every turn of the page something new had been interjected for pure shock value and didn't really fit in with the story.
*please refer to the ice dungeon and the nutcracker stuff for further proof of this*
December 7, 2018
I received an ARC copy of this book from NetGalley
I know a lot of you are probably looking at the summary for this book and going 'well honestly, what did you expect' and that's fair ...but I guess what I was expecting was for it to be so bad it was good or at least a kind of enjoyable funny-bad but what I got was just ...bad.
It maybe could have scraped a 3 star rating if it was literally half the length it is now. I know it's already fairly short, but most of the time Simon is just rambling about completely unrelated plot points and jumping all over the place. I started out fairly amused by the whole thing but just kept skimming faster and faster as the book went on.
The idea of Santa as a vampire is definitely an amusing one and I think it could have made a good story, but this whole thing just reads like random plot points thrown together to see how ~edgy~ the author can make it and when he literally wrote himself into the book at the end I couldn't stop rolling my eyes. Definitely wouldn't recommend this.
I know a lot of you are probably looking at the summary for this book and going 'well honestly, what did you expect' and that's fair ...but I guess what I was expecting was for it to be so bad it was good or at least a kind of enjoyable funny-bad but what I got was just ...bad.
It maybe could have scraped a 3 star rating if it was literally half the length it is now. I know it's already fairly short, but most of the time Simon is just rambling about completely unrelated plot points and jumping all over the place. I started out fairly amused by the whole thing but just kept skimming faster and faster as the book went on.
The idea of Santa as a vampire is definitely an amusing one and I think it could have made a good story, but this whole thing just reads like random plot points thrown together to see how ~edgy~ the author can make it and when he literally wrote himself into the book at the end I couldn't stop rolling my eyes. Definitely wouldn't recommend this.
July 21, 2019
Man. This has got to be one of the most fucked up books I have ever read, but damn can Damian tell a story. It is so twisted, sadistic and evil and completely throws off ANY childhood dream you may have ever had about Santa and the North Pole. oh my gah. It’s so unbelievable, I’m still sitting here stumped. But it’s a hell of a story. You know, I had to ...not laugh, necessarily, but appreciate the irony, in one part of the story. Simon the Elf is learning the story of Santa the vamp and ‘Mrs. Claus� and such and Santa gets mad about a reference to Hitler. But in this story, I think he may be quite a bit worse.
There are possible triggers. Some homophobia, lots of murder and death. He is a vamp after all. But he’s also a death bringer and I can’t give it away. You have to read to find out how. Just be careful if any of it bothers you.
Simon had a life at one point. He’s telling his story in this book in his way. He wants to tell the true story of ole St. Nick and what an evil man he really is. And how Simon went from a normal person to a 3 foot enslaved elf, who has to do Santa’s bidding. And he’s not the only one. There are tons more. And what goes on at the North Pole is not all carols and sunshine and roses. It’s hell on Earth. As Simon is forced to endure Santa’s crap, he is secretly writing the story of Santa, Mrs. Claus and Rudolph, to somehow get it out into the world and tell of what’s really going on. But just when he thinks he may have it, Santa surprises him. He knows what Simon is up to and has been doing and Simon wonders if this is finally the one time he’s crossed the line and will end up dead.
I’m serious, guys, this is a dark story. It’s not happy happy at all. But it’s really good. If you have a warped sense of things like I do, you can’t help but appreciate how this story was told. And how Santa was made out to really be. All of it. It’s twisted and I loved it. I think back on all those times of watching the old Santa cartoons and Frosty with Burl Ives and all those older actors and the pictures definitely don’t add up anymore lol. I don’t think I will be able to look at them the same now.
But as I said, it was amazingly written. The concept, the plot, the characters. It’s good. It’s original and is a story to be read.
There are possible triggers. Some homophobia, lots of murder and death. He is a vamp after all. But he’s also a death bringer and I can’t give it away. You have to read to find out how. Just be careful if any of it bothers you.
Simon had a life at one point. He’s telling his story in this book in his way. He wants to tell the true story of ole St. Nick and what an evil man he really is. And how Simon went from a normal person to a 3 foot enslaved elf, who has to do Santa’s bidding. And he’s not the only one. There are tons more. And what goes on at the North Pole is not all carols and sunshine and roses. It’s hell on Earth. As Simon is forced to endure Santa’s crap, he is secretly writing the story of Santa, Mrs. Claus and Rudolph, to somehow get it out into the world and tell of what’s really going on. But just when he thinks he may have it, Santa surprises him. He knows what Simon is up to and has been doing and Simon wonders if this is finally the one time he’s crossed the line and will end up dead.
I’m serious, guys, this is a dark story. It’s not happy happy at all. But it’s really good. If you have a warped sense of things like I do, you can’t help but appreciate how this story was told. And how Santa was made out to really be. All of it. It’s twisted and I loved it. I think back on all those times of watching the old Santa cartoons and Frosty with Burl Ives and all those older actors and the pictures definitely don’t add up anymore lol. I don’t think I will be able to look at them the same now.
But as I said, it was amazingly written. The concept, the plot, the characters. It’s good. It’s original and is a story to be read.
December 7, 2018
55 points/100 (3 stars/5)
Warning: Rape.
Warning: depictions of graphic violence, murder of adults and children; mention of past rape and child sexual abuse; homophobic comments.
Santa is a Vampire is the type of book that will sink or swim for you based on how funny you find it. If you find it funny, you will be entertained, if you don't find it funny, you probably will not enjoy this very much at all. Santa is a Vampire is filled with crass humor that typically involves either cursing or body fluids, or both. The humor also likes to play with subverting expectations by doing one thing, and then saying not to do that thing because it is "wrong", and then making fun off the opposite thing. For example: if it would make fun of Simon because he is gay, then Simon would say something to the effect of "that isn't right, stop being a homophobe", and then he would make fun of homophobes. It does this with all sorts of sensitive topics.
Which brings up my warnings. The first warning is my own, because there is an onscreen rape (even though the publisher's website says there is no sex). You kind of have to brace yourself when a book goes out of its way to tell you that the evil vampire is asexual, but there we are. The second warning is from the publishers themselves. Follow that warning, because it is 100% accurate and more. Santa is a Vampire is not a book to be reading if you are sensitive to any sort of topic. It makes light of some very hard things, and uses them either just for a laugh or shock value. Heed the warnings.
Our narrator in this tale is Simon the Elf and he is writing a journal on Santa. Simon is pathologically incapable of shutting his mouth. The conflict of this book isn't the fact that Santa is a vampire, it is Simon's own mouth. It gets him into every little bit of trouble there is to get into in a book such as this. Simon justifies his smartmouth ways by saying he just can't help himself, but really it is clear that he just doesn't want to help himself. He may not want to help himself because of what is threatened every time he doesn't. Since Simon is the one telling the story, we're supposed to feel bad for him, he is supposed to be the sympathetic narrator. In reality, there is evidence to suspect that he is just as bad as Santa, he just doesn't wanna admit it to himself!
The start of the book, we see Santa take a few victims. I can't help but think if the entire book was told like this first chapter was, I would have loved it. It was sort of horror mixed with comedy and only a little bit of body fluid jokes. I enjoyed this first chapter a lot. Unfortunately, after this we jump to Simon's backstory, on how he became an elf. Then it was Santa's turn, which turned into Mrs. Claus, and then into Rudolph. This is basically a collection of histories.
This actually wouldn't have been too bad, if they actually really told a story with their story. We don't get a firsthand account of them. We're getting them through Simon's eyes, and he has to tell every little thing that happens to him as if it is part of the story. So we end up getting every time one of the three talks bad about him, every time Simon ends up mouthing off, every time they get sidetracked. It is more a collection of jokes at Simon's expense than a story. Especially since the stories themselves aren't anything special. They have a beginning, but their middles and endings are lost for me in the sidetracked nature of the story.
I think Santa is a Vampire has a place if it finds the right reader. I was drawn to this because of how amazing an idea of a vampire Santa Claus is. I really, really wanted to like this. Unfortunately, it just didn't really hit what I was looking for. While I laughed at a few of the jokes, most of them fell flat for me. I think if this finds the audience it is looking for, this can do well.
Check this out if:
* you're looking for a darker Christmas tale
* you always thought Santa had to be eating people in order to gain that girth with how little food there is in the North Pole
* you always thought Rudolph was a bit of a jackass
Don't bother if:
* you have troubles with sexual violence
* crass humor and body fluid jokes don't tickle your funny bone
-----
I receivedÌýa copy of this book from netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to Damian Serbu, Ninestar Press, and netgalley for providing this copy for review!
Warning: Rape.
Warning: depictions of graphic violence, murder of adults and children; mention of past rape and child sexual abuse; homophobic comments.
Santa is a Vampire is the type of book that will sink or swim for you based on how funny you find it. If you find it funny, you will be entertained, if you don't find it funny, you probably will not enjoy this very much at all. Santa is a Vampire is filled with crass humor that typically involves either cursing or body fluids, or both. The humor also likes to play with subverting expectations by doing one thing, and then saying not to do that thing because it is "wrong", and then making fun off the opposite thing. For example: if it would make fun of Simon because he is gay, then Simon would say something to the effect of "that isn't right, stop being a homophobe", and then he would make fun of homophobes. It does this with all sorts of sensitive topics.
Which brings up my warnings. The first warning is my own, because there is an onscreen rape (even though the publisher's website says there is no sex). You kind of have to brace yourself when a book goes out of its way to tell you that the evil vampire is asexual, but there we are. The second warning is from the publishers themselves. Follow that warning, because it is 100% accurate and more. Santa is a Vampire is not a book to be reading if you are sensitive to any sort of topic. It makes light of some very hard things, and uses them either just for a laugh or shock value. Heed the warnings.
Our narrator in this tale is Simon the Elf and he is writing a journal on Santa. Simon is pathologically incapable of shutting his mouth. The conflict of this book isn't the fact that Santa is a vampire, it is Simon's own mouth. It gets him into every little bit of trouble there is to get into in a book such as this. Simon justifies his smartmouth ways by saying he just can't help himself, but really it is clear that he just doesn't want to help himself. He may not want to help himself because of what is threatened every time he doesn't. Since Simon is the one telling the story, we're supposed to feel bad for him, he is supposed to be the sympathetic narrator. In reality, there is evidence to suspect that he is just as bad as Santa, he just doesn't wanna admit it to himself!
The start of the book, we see Santa take a few victims. I can't help but think if the entire book was told like this first chapter was, I would have loved it. It was sort of horror mixed with comedy and only a little bit of body fluid jokes. I enjoyed this first chapter a lot. Unfortunately, after this we jump to Simon's backstory, on how he became an elf. Then it was Santa's turn, which turned into Mrs. Claus, and then into Rudolph. This is basically a collection of histories.
This actually wouldn't have been too bad, if they actually really told a story with their story. We don't get a firsthand account of them. We're getting them through Simon's eyes, and he has to tell every little thing that happens to him as if it is part of the story. So we end up getting every time one of the three talks bad about him, every time Simon ends up mouthing off, every time they get sidetracked. It is more a collection of jokes at Simon's expense than a story. Especially since the stories themselves aren't anything special. They have a beginning, but their middles and endings are lost for me in the sidetracked nature of the story.
I think Santa is a Vampire has a place if it finds the right reader. I was drawn to this because of how amazing an idea of a vampire Santa Claus is. I really, really wanted to like this. Unfortunately, it just didn't really hit what I was looking for. While I laughed at a few of the jokes, most of them fell flat for me. I think if this finds the audience it is looking for, this can do well.
Check this out if:
* you're looking for a darker Christmas tale
* you always thought Santa had to be eating people in order to gain that girth with how little food there is in the North Pole
* you always thought Rudolph was a bit of a jackass
Don't bother if:
* you have troubles with sexual violence
* crass humor and body fluid jokes don't tickle your funny bone
-----
I receivedÌýa copy of this book from netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to Damian Serbu, Ninestar Press, and netgalley for providing this copy for review!
December 2, 2018
Again, Damian Serbu writes the best anti-heroes in the business. There's an awful lot of disturbing stuff in here, and it's not for the faint of heart.
My incredibly dark sense of humor was tickled to death (ha) with some of the vignettes in this book. My favorite scene was the end of the chapter with Rudolph, which had me giggling off and on at inappropriate times. I definitely liked Mrs. Claus's chapter as well.
Simon and his wise-ass, uncontrollable mouth is consistent throughout the book as an unreliable, almost unlikeable narrator, but it kept me going to the end of the book.
That being said, it's definitely a one-time read for me, unlike some of Serbu's other stuff. It's a VERY dark look at Santa and Christmas in general, so if your sense of humor is twisted like mine, I think you'll enjoy it.
My incredibly dark sense of humor was tickled to death (ha) with some of the vignettes in this book. My favorite scene was the end of the chapter with Rudolph, which had me giggling off and on at inappropriate times. I definitely liked Mrs. Claus's chapter as well.
Simon and his wise-ass, uncontrollable mouth is consistent throughout the book as an unreliable, almost unlikeable narrator, but it kept me going to the end of the book.
That being said, it's definitely a one-time read for me, unlike some of Serbu's other stuff. It's a VERY dark look at Santa and Christmas in general, so if your sense of humor is twisted like mine, I think you'll enjoy it.
November 23, 2018
This story is basically a set of conversations that show how the whole Santa mythos is a front for a narcissistic murdering vampire. It is borderline Bizarro genre which is going to limit the audience for it dramatically. It is also packaged in a way that I think many readers will misunderstand, leaving them confronted with something much more offensive and less plot-driven than they were expecting—and while clever, completely without charm.
For strength of concept, and assuming the right audience, I am giving the story a good rating. But I think it will attract many more reviews that are negative and disgusted, and not without reason. A few blood spots on a “rom com�-esque cover is not enough to warn people about a fowl-mouthed shallow alcoholic protagonist and a story in which almost nothing happens but when it does it involves poop, private parts and child murder.
Enter at your own risk.
For strength of concept, and assuming the right audience, I am giving the story a good rating. But I think it will attract many more reviews that are negative and disgusted, and not without reason. A few blood spots on a “rom com�-esque cover is not enough to warn people about a fowl-mouthed shallow alcoholic protagonist and a story in which almost nothing happens but when it does it involves poop, private parts and child murder.
Enter at your own risk.
November 23, 2018
This was definitely the weirdest book I've encountered this year.
The idea of Santa being a vampire seemed rather unique but I just couldn't finish the book because it is way too disturbing.
Simon is making fun of every sick thing vampire Santa does or says. I was hoping the book is going to be funny but it wasn't.
The idea of Santa being a vampire seemed rather unique but I just couldn't finish the book because it is way too disturbing.
Simon is making fun of every sick thing vampire Santa does or says. I was hoping the book is going to be funny but it wasn't.
December 4, 2018
A Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words Review An Alisa Review:
Rating: 3 stars out of 5
Interesting concept for a story. I liked the way this was written and how we see things from Simon’s point of view and we get to see some of his interesting thoughts. I never would have thought of going this far off the rails for Santa, Mrs. Claus and Rudolph but I think they connect together.
So, everything is told from Simon’s point of view which does give a once sided view to all the stories but I enjoyed how he told it. The history of Santa is well told and thought out that I didn’t feel that there was much missing after hearing everyone’s stories and how Santa pretty much tricked Simon into writing a new story for him. What I didn’t enjoy were the excessive jokes and references to pee and farts, it just seemed childish. This story doesn’t have any romance or anything of the sort however Simon is gay which would be the connection to LGBT.
Cover art by Natasha Snow is nice and low key but works well for this story.
Rating: 3 stars out of 5
Interesting concept for a story. I liked the way this was written and how we see things from Simon’s point of view and we get to see some of his interesting thoughts. I never would have thought of going this far off the rails for Santa, Mrs. Claus and Rudolph but I think they connect together.
So, everything is told from Simon’s point of view which does give a once sided view to all the stories but I enjoyed how he told it. The history of Santa is well told and thought out that I didn’t feel that there was much missing after hearing everyone’s stories and how Santa pretty much tricked Simon into writing a new story for him. What I didn’t enjoy were the excessive jokes and references to pee and farts, it just seemed childish. This story doesn’t have any romance or anything of the sort however Simon is gay which would be the connection to LGBT.
Cover art by Natasha Snow is nice and low key but works well for this story.
December 14, 2018
“Do you know why he wears red? I do. It hides the blood stains better .. Even though he usually cleans the blood up.�
Told by Simon the Elf, Santa the Vampire shows the evil side to the big red man we all know and love. From murdering innocent people for their blood to enslaving his staff, this book shows the dark side of Christmas. And if you think Mrs Clause and Rudolph are innocent, you can think again.
What have I just read?!?! I requested a copy of this book through Netgalley as the synopsis had me laughing and intrigued by how the author would progress with this story line. I must admit it did make me laugh, but it was such a ridiculous story! There are trigger warnings at the start of this book which readers should definitely be aware of before deciding to continue with this book as it does dive into some very controversial and difficult topics. I’m lost for words, this book is like no other book I have read, and if I’m honest, I hope I don’t read another like it.
Told by Simon the Elf, Santa the Vampire shows the evil side to the big red man we all know and love. From murdering innocent people for their blood to enslaving his staff, this book shows the dark side of Christmas. And if you think Mrs Clause and Rudolph are innocent, you can think again.
What have I just read?!?! I requested a copy of this book through Netgalley as the synopsis had me laughing and intrigued by how the author would progress with this story line. I must admit it did make me laugh, but it was such a ridiculous story! There are trigger warnings at the start of this book which readers should definitely be aware of before deciding to continue with this book as it does dive into some very controversial and difficult topics. I’m lost for words, this book is like no other book I have read, and if I’m honest, I hope I don’t read another like it.
September 12, 2024
Sort of an “Interview with Vampire,� but with an enslaved elf interviewing Santa (who, as the title states, is a vampire), Mrs Claus, and Rudolph. The concept was interesting, and the first twenty pages were also interesting, if dark. But this book spirals from there. The protagonist is an over-the-top, hyper-sexual and vulgar elf that becomes a gay stereotype rather than a fleshed out character. This book wants to be edgy and meta - especially in the end - but it just doesn’t work as a complete narrative. It feels like a prologue of vignettes and interviews that never leads into an actual plot. There is a sequel, but I honestly have no urge to read it. I despise giving overly and overtly negative reviews, as I appreciate the time and effort that goes into writing a novel, and there are some interesting ideas here, but by the time I reached the ending, I was happy that the sleigh ride was over.
December 13, 2019
I received a copy of this from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
I figured with this being December, that this was as good a time as any to finally read this novel. I also thought it would be good to have a break from all of the traditional Christmas stuff.
I’m not really sure how I feel about this book. There were certain parts that I really liked, one being Mrs. Claus� story and The second being Simon the Elf ( I enjoyed his full use of the English language) but other than that, it was just ok. The story moved somewhat slow, Santa and Rudolph were both chumps and not very exciting, and the ending had a bit of a neat twist in a quirky, cheesy sort of way.
It was a short read which I liked but I’m not sure I’d read further into the escapades of Simon the Elf.
I figured with this being December, that this was as good a time as any to finally read this novel. I also thought it would be good to have a break from all of the traditional Christmas stuff.
I’m not really sure how I feel about this book. There were certain parts that I really liked, one being Mrs. Claus� story and The second being Simon the Elf ( I enjoyed his full use of the English language) but other than that, it was just ok. The story moved somewhat slow, Santa and Rudolph were both chumps and not very exciting, and the ending had a bit of a neat twist in a quirky, cheesy sort of way.
It was a short read which I liked but I’m not sure I’d read further into the escapades of Simon the Elf.
March 31, 2022
I only read the first chapter. I really do like the idea of the book.
But (always this buts) I didn't like the setup of the characters. They were all "too much", Simon the elf was sassy, no "brain to mouth" filter, nasty, thieving, hard and careful working, not caring and in the same time he didn't want to be there and though all of it is wrong. The character was not really complex, but too many different traits which didn't mix and the result felt wrong (to me, this is a subjective review). The same goes for Santa: he is the bad guy which kills people and children, pisses on Christmas trees (by the way: wtf? was that necessary? I don't think so...), but at the end of the first chapter you also had the feeling he care for his elfs, knows them and tries/is a good boss.
Contraries can be interesting, but there were too much in both main characters for me to enjoy the book.
But (always this buts) I didn't like the setup of the characters. They were all "too much", Simon the elf was sassy, no "brain to mouth" filter, nasty, thieving, hard and careful working, not caring and in the same time he didn't want to be there and though all of it is wrong. The character was not really complex, but too many different traits which didn't mix and the result felt wrong (to me, this is a subjective review). The same goes for Santa: he is the bad guy which kills people and children, pisses on Christmas trees (by the way: wtf? was that necessary? I don't think so...), but at the end of the first chapter you also had the feeling he care for his elfs, knows them and tries/is a good boss.
Contraries can be interesting, but there were too much in both main characters for me to enjoy the book.
December 21, 2018
THis was actually a cute book. It took a bit for me to get into it as I normally don’t like this type of book, but the blurb had me intrigued. This is definitely not your normal book. It’s got a lot of humor in it, and immediately you know it’ll be dark when the Elf, Simon, tells you “if you’re reading this I’m dead�. The idea of Santa being a vampire and running rampant during Christmas is bad enough, but learning that everyone that “works� for him are being held captive really brings out another horror of its own. If you like horror and humor mixed, this won’t let you down.
I’m voluntarily reviewing an advanced reader copy of this book.
I’m voluntarily reviewing an advanced reader copy of this book.
December 17, 2018
A totally different spin on who "Santa" really is!
I have to admit, as I began to read this book and finished the first few chapters, I asked myself "what in the H**L". But Simon (which is telling this story), is a gay, slave elf, sarcastic, mouthy and in my opinion an alcoholic. Simon made this book so funny. I absolutely loved his character and his lesbian BFFs.
This book contains some pretty dark humour and you'll need a sense of humour in order to get through it. It had me laughing out loud quite a few times.
I've received an ARC of this book and voluntarily leave this review.
I have to admit, as I began to read this book and finished the first few chapters, I asked myself "what in the H**L". But Simon (which is telling this story), is a gay, slave elf, sarcastic, mouthy and in my opinion an alcoholic. Simon made this book so funny. I absolutely loved his character and his lesbian BFFs.
This book contains some pretty dark humour and you'll need a sense of humour in order to get through it. It had me laughing out loud quite a few times.
I've received an ARC of this book and voluntarily leave this review.
December 30, 2018
It was really hard to read a book about Santa Claus being a Psychopath. I thought this book was going to be funny but it really wasn't. The concept for Santa being a Vampire is a good one. The problem is that Santa is a Psychopath and he was that way before he became a vampire. It makes it really hard to even think that Santa is that evil. I think if Santa wasn't so evil it would have made the story better and funnier. Oh well, maybe next time.
*I received a free copy of this book via Hidden Gems and am voluntarily leaving a review.*
*I received a free copy of this book via Hidden Gems and am voluntarily leaving a review.*
December 18, 2018
Not sure what I was thinking when I saw the blurb and clicked on this dark book. Yes I was warned, still got surprised by the level of sadism!
I can relate a bit with this Simon who tells the story because we both have a knack for saying stuff without a filter. How much trouble and nasty situations he finds himself in is almost incredible.
I keep waiting for some hero to defeat the madman.
Meanwhile the thrill must go on...
Didn’t think it could get too dark for me, but I just found my limit.
I can relate a bit with this Simon who tells the story because we both have a knack for saying stuff without a filter. How much trouble and nasty situations he finds himself in is almost incredible.
I keep waiting for some hero to defeat the madman.
Meanwhile the thrill must go on...
Didn’t think it could get too dark for me, but I just found my limit.
December 19, 2018
Simon the Elf wrote about his enslavement with the Vampiric Santa and everyone else trapped in the Winter Wonderland. I loved Simon's sarcasm but he also had perpetual foot in mouth disease that always seemed to keep him in trouble with Santa, who had a very nasty cruel streak. Finding out the origins of Santa, Mrs. Claus and of course Rudolph was absolutely hilarious and very disturbing.
'I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily reviewed it.
'I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily reviewed it.
December 15, 2018
Was pretty intrigued when I started reading this book as I didn't know what to expect but it made me realize how twisted my own sense of humor actually is. It does have plenty of moments that make you laugh but some other were boring at times or taken a little to far but overall and pretty good read.
I read this book as an ARC reader
I read this book as an ARC reader
December 17, 2018
I was kindly approved to review this book via NetGalley. Unfortunately I got to 10% complete and couldn’t continue. The language for me is too simplistic and the storyline has a lot of plot holes mainly due to the narrators hatred of his boss. I was generally intrigued by the title of this novel and really wanted to enjoy it. It just wasn’t for me.
December 28, 2018
This was definitely something a little bit different and I really enjoyed reading it.
January 3, 2019
First I would like to Thank the author, publisher and NetGalley for providing me with the ARC of this novel for my honest review.
"Santa is a Vampire" by Damian Serbu is not your ordinary Santa Christmas story. This is a very dark and twisted tale of a Santa Vampire. I really enjoyed the unpredictable twists and turns, definitely not boring! This book is not for everyone, but if you love unpredictable with a combo of fun and horror then you should give this book a read.
"Santa is a Vampire" by Damian Serbu is not your ordinary Santa Christmas story. This is a very dark and twisted tale of a Santa Vampire. I really enjoyed the unpredictable twists and turns, definitely not boring! This book is not for everyone, but if you love unpredictable with a combo of fun and horror then you should give this book a read.
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