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What if Holden Caulfield were coming of age -- and coming out -- in the Reagan years? Ben Smith is a sometimes clever, often confused, but ultimately irresistible catcher in the wry. Through the window of Ben's intimacies and observations, we remember what it was to be 14, freaked out by life, and never more eager to see what would happen next.
320 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 1995
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
February 2, 2022
I got this shortly after graduating high school back in the Bronze Age, and at that time I'd read very few gay lit books, if any. Growing up in a strict Mormon house with no money of my own besides a piddly allowance now and then made it difficult to buy things on the sly. Thankfully, my parents were big on respecting privacy, so I had all sorts of books they'd never approve of if they'd had bothered to look. This was one of them. (So was Anne Rice and Jean M. Auel, so it wasn't just the gay lit they'd object to. Basically, anything with "the sex" was forbidden.)
Read this a few times back then, and while I'm too afraid to read it again now - it's YA, it's set in the 80s in a rural Maine town, so there's lots of homophobia, and the diary format would be annoying to me now (no one writes word-for-word dialogue in their diaries or journals!) - I remember it fondly. Ben was in a tough fix with his underclass family and mean older brother, and Aaron appeared to be the answer to all his problems, or at least the light that made the problems feel a little less grim. The ending was unusual, but not off putting. It's certainly not the standard ending one would expect, and it made Ben stronger as a person and as a character. There's tentative hope, and young me found that more appealing if bittersweet.
So while I'll probably never reread this again, it keeps a place of fondness in my memories and a spot on my physical bookshelf.
Read this a few times back then, and while I'm too afraid to read it again now - it's YA, it's set in the 80s in a rural Maine town, so there's lots of homophobia, and the diary format would be annoying to me now (no one writes word-for-word dialogue in their diaries or journals!) - I remember it fondly. Ben was in a tough fix with his underclass family and mean older brother, and Aaron appeared to be the answer to all his problems, or at least the light that made the problems feel a little less grim. The ending was unusual, but not off putting. It's certainly not the standard ending one would expect, and it made Ben stronger as a person and as a character. There's tentative hope, and young me found that more appealing if bittersweet.
So while I'll probably never reread this again, it keeps a place of fondness in my memories and a spot on my physical bookshelf.
February 27, 2013
This is the best book that I have ever read about being a teenager, gay or straight. It is raw and real without having unrealistic or manufactured drama. The characters are fleshed out and deep, and the family, in particular, is allowed to be complex and human. It's one of the greatest shames that this book is out of print, because I think it should be in every school library.
February 16, 2015
I discovered this in high school when I was systematically reading my way through the young adult section at a small local library. It was one of the best books I found there.
July 12, 2024
7-12-24 I enjoyed this book reading it again. I think I definitely saw it through different/older eyes. I was also very much shocked by the homophobia of high school students way back when. I've had 3 kids go through high school recently (one still there) and, at least where we live, there seem to be a LOT more tolerance of people than there was in the 90's when this book was written and when I was in high school. Thank goodness.
Life changing. I loved this book. I have read it twice, and plan to re-read it as well.
Here is what I wrote about this book when I read it in May of 2007: What is there not to love about this book? First love, teenage angst, a boy triumphing over his own impoverished (or at least poor) conditions...I enjoyed it almost as much this second time I read it! The first time, it opened my eyes more than anything else that love is love - no matter what gender the two parties involved are. Read it.
Life changing. I loved this book. I have read it twice, and plan to re-read it as well.
Here is what I wrote about this book when I read it in May of 2007: What is there not to love about this book? First love, teenage angst, a boy triumphing over his own impoverished (or at least poor) conditions...I enjoyed it almost as much this second time I read it! The first time, it opened my eyes more than anything else that love is love - no matter what gender the two parties involved are. Read it.
July 5, 2012
This was a pretty good read - in general, I like the epistolary format of a novel. It was clear the author put a lot of thought into how the psyche of a teenage boy might be reflected in a journal, but at the same time written in such a way that it's not like trying to make heads or tails of an actual diary entry. The last 20% of the book or so was very odd for the plot, and I didn't quite enjoy that as much since it seemed rather hurried - but overall, a good read.
March 10, 2008
When I was in college, my roommate and I read this at the same time. We had only one copy and if one of us dared to put it down, the other would scoop it up.
February 7, 2025
I found this book in a tiny shop while on vacation and read the whole thing in under two days.
This book was compelling because I was able to see the subtleties I believe the author intended the reader to notice. I could tell that Ben was far more intelligent than his peers and while it is heavily alluded to multiple times, the extent of Ben’s intelligence is harder to notice. He falls short in certain areas; Ben has an undeniable ability to be intelligent in a scholarly way, but he can be naive and he lacks emotional intelligence at times. He has a hard time forming his own beliefs and taking a stand against his peers as well as his family.
While a certain level of naivety and passivity is incredibly common for teenagers, I believe these traits start to diminish in Ben as he develops a relationship with Aaron. As I understand it, the author conveys Aaron as someone who is resistant to the conservative beliefs held by his town as well as millions of individuals across the country during Ronald Reagan’s presidency. Aaron challenged Ben to form his own beliefs on political (as well as religious) issues of the time. He also encouraged Ben to see his own self-worth while he lived in a household full of physical and emotional abuse.
I found the ending a bit weird but I think I can see what the author was trying to convey. Aaron served a purpose in Ben’s life, and then he left. Aaron showed Ben how to stand up for himself and the importance of forming his own beliefs. The ending was a bit unsatisfying but I do believe it was meant to encourage reflection on the meaning of the story, and it completed that goal sufficiently. I really enjoyed this book.
This book was compelling because I was able to see the subtleties I believe the author intended the reader to notice. I could tell that Ben was far more intelligent than his peers and while it is heavily alluded to multiple times, the extent of Ben’s intelligence is harder to notice. He falls short in certain areas; Ben has an undeniable ability to be intelligent in a scholarly way, but he can be naive and he lacks emotional intelligence at times. He has a hard time forming his own beliefs and taking a stand against his peers as well as his family.
While a certain level of naivety and passivity is incredibly common for teenagers, I believe these traits start to diminish in Ben as he develops a relationship with Aaron. As I understand it, the author conveys Aaron as someone who is resistant to the conservative beliefs held by his town as well as millions of individuals across the country during Ronald Reagan’s presidency. Aaron challenged Ben to form his own beliefs on political (as well as religious) issues of the time. He also encouraged Ben to see his own self-worth while he lived in a household full of physical and emotional abuse.
I found the ending a bit weird but I think I can see what the author was trying to convey. Aaron served a purpose in Ben’s life, and then he left. Aaron showed Ben how to stand up for himself and the importance of forming his own beliefs. The ending was a bit unsatisfying but I do believe it was meant to encourage reflection on the meaning of the story, and it completed that goal sufficiently. I really enjoyed this book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 1, 2021
Yikes! Parts of this were really funny and cute but it gets pretty dark and disturbing at the end. I was entertained but the ending really bummed me out.
November 11, 2018
I reread this last night and it’s one of the few books that I have revisited twenty years or so later that really held up. It’s probably in my top five books of all time (and Jennifer Egan is at number one just for some context regarding my good taste lol).
Having gone through situations that were similar to Ben at around the same time as when this story is set I can certainly relate to it, but there are plenty of coming-of-age “gay novels� that haven’t come close to affecting me the way this one has. I obviously couldn’t recommend it more highly and wish that there were more books by this author for me to read, or that there was a way for me to thank him for making me feel so many acute emotions then and now. I guess this review will have to do!
Having gone through situations that were similar to Ben at around the same time as when this story is set I can certainly relate to it, but there are plenty of coming-of-age “gay novels� that haven’t come close to affecting me the way this one has. I obviously couldn’t recommend it more highly and wish that there were more books by this author for me to read, or that there was a way for me to thank him for making me feel so many acute emotions then and now. I guess this review will have to do!
July 31, 2008
I don't know why I read this book - but I read it in high school and I think I thought it was about something different. It's about a teenage boy trying to come to terms with being gay. I remember that it was written relatively well...but other than that, I really don't remember anything else. I don't recall if I liked the book or not.
June 30, 2013
I really like the plot of the story, and I think the reader did a pretty good job trying to get across how a young boy might feel coming out in that time period (or probably any, for that matter). The format was great, too.
July 20, 2007
The first book I ever read about someone of the "gay persuasian" :-)
June 10, 2009
A great book for young readers who are just coming out. I loved this book when I was a sophomore in high school.
June 12, 2009
A queer coming-of-age story that misses the mark. I can't equate my life to a gay male's, but this seems a bit of a stretch at times...perhaps that's why it's fiction?
August 1, 2009
This book was fascinating -- the protagonist is different from me in almost every way possible, and I was pulled into his world from the first chapter.
Read
December 16, 2009this book is so far interesting and has alot of drama and action wanting to take place!
Read
November 16, 2010recommend. it was totally relatable, i think even if you were straight you would like it. the ups and the downs were so real and reminiscent of high school.
June 29, 2011
Why is this book not in print?! Maybe because it overstays its welcome a bit. But it feels like it's the invention of the wheel, so whatever.
December 30, 2011
Good, solid coming out story, with a sympathetic character who is vividly drawn.
June 24, 2012
PERFECT FOR ANY YOUNG PERSON OR YOUNG ADULT STRUGGLING WITH SEXUALITY.
September 16, 2012
I remember reading this in high school. A great book for young gays, and anyone who feels like an outsider.
November 12, 2013
love love loved this book
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December 5, 2014p16 so so
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
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