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The Rules
All The Rule - Sống Bản Lĩnh Theo Cách Một Quý Cô
ống Bản Lĩnh Theo Cách Một Quý Cô
Lồng ngực trái của người đàn ông không phải là nơi an toàn nhất, mà là nơi d� thay đổi nhất. Cho nên, ph� n� ch� có th� dựa vào chính mình.
Ngay t� khi còn nh�, những bé gái thường được nuôi dạy theo một khuôn mẫu nếu không Công, Dung, Ngôn, Hạnh; thì cũng đến tuổi phải nghĩ đến chuyện lập gia đình với hàng tá những h� qu� của việc “ổn định� kéo theo. Đến tuổi trưởng thành, không ít cô gái mơ mộng v� những anh chàng Mr Right s� mang lại cho mình một cuộc sống vừa đ� đầy, vừa lãng mạn.
Hãy ngưng ảo tưởng!!!
Bạn không th� có được hạnh phúc nếu chính bản thân mình còn ph� thuộc hạnh phúc vào người người khác.
Bạn không th� tìm được Mr Right nếu bạn không t� hoàn thiện bản thân.
Và s� chẳng có ai yêu bạn nếu bạn không t� yêu chính mình.
All the Rules � B� sách nổi đình đám trên toàn th� giới với s� lượng phát hành lên tới HÀNG TRIỆU bản đã giúp các cô nàng tìm được hướng đi của cuộc đời mình. Các nàng s� nhận ra rằng:
T� lập và biết phớt l� những mối quan h� khiến bạn mất thời gian đ� rồi không đi đến đâu c�.
T� trọng và t� tôn chính là chìa khóa hấp dẫn đấng mày râu, cũng là một cách sống đầy khí chất.
Luôn luôn có những cách đ� bạn cân bằng với những mối quan h� xung quanh, � tất c� mọi trường hợp. Nếu bạn chưa biết, đó là do bạn chưa đọc All the Rules � Sống bản lĩnh theo cách một quý cô mà thôi.
Chẳng có bất k� một cô gái nào muốn mình t� ti, luôn vướng vào những mối quan h� khiến mình phải day dứt, đau kh� c�. Vậy thì hãy đứng dậy và ngẩng cao đầu. Ch� cần phía trên còn ánh mặt trời, bạn vẫn còn có cơ hội tỏa sáng.
Lồng ngực trái của người đàn ông không phải là nơi an toàn nhất, mà là nơi d� thay đổi nhất. Cho nên, ph� n� ch� có th� dựa vào chính mình.
Ngay t� khi còn nh�, những bé gái thường được nuôi dạy theo một khuôn mẫu nếu không Công, Dung, Ngôn, Hạnh; thì cũng đến tuổi phải nghĩ đến chuyện lập gia đình với hàng tá những h� qu� của việc “ổn định� kéo theo. Đến tuổi trưởng thành, không ít cô gái mơ mộng v� những anh chàng Mr Right s� mang lại cho mình một cuộc sống vừa đ� đầy, vừa lãng mạn.
Hãy ngưng ảo tưởng!!!
Bạn không th� có được hạnh phúc nếu chính bản thân mình còn ph� thuộc hạnh phúc vào người người khác.
Bạn không th� tìm được Mr Right nếu bạn không t� hoàn thiện bản thân.
Và s� chẳng có ai yêu bạn nếu bạn không t� yêu chính mình.
All the Rules � B� sách nổi đình đám trên toàn th� giới với s� lượng phát hành lên tới HÀNG TRIỆU bản đã giúp các cô nàng tìm được hướng đi của cuộc đời mình. Các nàng s� nhận ra rằng:
T� lập và biết phớt l� những mối quan h� khiến bạn mất thời gian đ� rồi không đi đến đâu c�.
T� trọng và t� tôn chính là chìa khóa hấp dẫn đấng mày râu, cũng là một cách sống đầy khí chất.
Luôn luôn có những cách đ� bạn cân bằng với những mối quan h� xung quanh, � tất c� mọi trường hợp. Nếu bạn chưa biết, đó là do bạn chưa đọc All the Rules � Sống bản lĩnh theo cách một quý cô mà thôi.
Chẳng có bất k� một cô gái nào muốn mình t� ti, luôn vướng vào những mối quan h� khiến mình phải day dứt, đau kh� c�. Vậy thì hãy đứng dậy và ngẩng cao đầu. Ch� cần phía trên còn ánh mặt trời, bạn vẫn còn có cơ hội tỏa sáng.
320 pages, Unknown Binding
First published January 1, 1995
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September 23, 2012
Hey girls!
Are you shallow, desperate, immature, have no concept of reality or love, slightly sociopathic, and brain dead? Is it just too damn hard to keep your man at your heel? Are you tired of yanking that chain all day long?
Then 'The Rules' is just the book to feed your fantasies.
Honestly, what the shit kind of horrible person would write something like this? This book is sexist towards men AND women, absolutely shallow, ignores the real aspects of what a relationship is supposed to be built upon, and instead tells you that if you are a woman, you are supposed to have men at your feet. Because apparently only then will you have them loyal to you forever. Come on girls, grow up. Men are not as evil as your man-hating senses may perceive them to be.
What does this book teach you? It teaches women how to manipulate men in order to keep 'em following them around like dogs. And obviously this is a piece of cake in bizzaro-world where men have no brain in their head to think with. And if you do that, like play hard to get (cuz that's totes romantic) they will be crazy about you forever and ever and will never cheat on you, because you're making sure that you're the center of their universe. You're making sure that they fucking worship the ground you walk upon, that they wait by the phone all day waiting anxiously for the sound of your sweet, beautiful breath, basically all that master/slave horse-shit.
Dear men, on behalf of all the women with brains, I apologise. I'm sorry that these women who wrote this shit are giving your girlfriends these horrible ideas about you and what they should do with you. I'm sorry that this book pretty much describes men as disgusting monkeys who have not a speck of human emotion, and I'm sorry this shit is published. I know you're not like this, and even if some of you are, it's not because you're a man.
Why do we have dating books like this? Dating books with these ridiculous, shallow ideas with no understanding of the true foundations of a relationship? This is not even dating. This is like a last resort for women who are too damn stupid and paranoid to keep a relationship. And if you're a woman and you have trouble with a relationship, but you are not stupid, and not paranoid and have a pretty good idea of what a relationship requires, THEN YOU DON'T NEED THIS BOOK. You're already too good for this book! Move along, go read something else, don't waste your time feeling bad about yourself by reading this garbage. I might just be 19, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what a relationship is supposed to be. And it's not about making them want you, or being paranoid about how faithful they are, or anything else being glorified in these stupid books. It's about being equal, and loving each other, and growing together. It's like being best friends with romantic connotations. Would you ever manipulate a friend? Would you play this master/slave relationship or this paranoia game with a friend? I didn't think so. So why would you treat someone you claim to love like that?
And finally, isn't it funny how all these dating books are about men for women? Hey girls, here's how to control men! Love, some desperate single dumb ass. And everyone is totally fine with that. But I bet you my right arm and both my ass cheeks that if a man had written such a book about women (eg: Men, here's how to control your woman and make her want you: Play hard to get, chicks totally dig that shit) he would be deemed a sexist monster. I guarantee you.
I didn't finish this book. It made me angry. And it made my male co-workers angry. And I don't blame them a single bit.
Are you shallow, desperate, immature, have no concept of reality or love, slightly sociopathic, and brain dead? Is it just too damn hard to keep your man at your heel? Are you tired of yanking that chain all day long?
Then 'The Rules' is just the book to feed your fantasies.
Honestly, what the shit kind of horrible person would write something like this? This book is sexist towards men AND women, absolutely shallow, ignores the real aspects of what a relationship is supposed to be built upon, and instead tells you that if you are a woman, you are supposed to have men at your feet. Because apparently only then will you have them loyal to you forever. Come on girls, grow up. Men are not as evil as your man-hating senses may perceive them to be.
What does this book teach you? It teaches women how to manipulate men in order to keep 'em following them around like dogs. And obviously this is a piece of cake in bizzaro-world where men have no brain in their head to think with. And if you do that, like play hard to get (cuz that's totes romantic) they will be crazy about you forever and ever and will never cheat on you, because you're making sure that you're the center of their universe. You're making sure that they fucking worship the ground you walk upon, that they wait by the phone all day waiting anxiously for the sound of your sweet, beautiful breath, basically all that master/slave horse-shit.
Dear men, on behalf of all the women with brains, I apologise. I'm sorry that these women who wrote this shit are giving your girlfriends these horrible ideas about you and what they should do with you. I'm sorry that this book pretty much describes men as disgusting monkeys who have not a speck of human emotion, and I'm sorry this shit is published. I know you're not like this, and even if some of you are, it's not because you're a man.
Why do we have dating books like this? Dating books with these ridiculous, shallow ideas with no understanding of the true foundations of a relationship? This is not even dating. This is like a last resort for women who are too damn stupid and paranoid to keep a relationship. And if you're a woman and you have trouble with a relationship, but you are not stupid, and not paranoid and have a pretty good idea of what a relationship requires, THEN YOU DON'T NEED THIS BOOK. You're already too good for this book! Move along, go read something else, don't waste your time feeling bad about yourself by reading this garbage. I might just be 19, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what a relationship is supposed to be. And it's not about making them want you, or being paranoid about how faithful they are, or anything else being glorified in these stupid books. It's about being equal, and loving each other, and growing together. It's like being best friends with romantic connotations. Would you ever manipulate a friend? Would you play this master/slave relationship or this paranoia game with a friend? I didn't think so. So why would you treat someone you claim to love like that?
And finally, isn't it funny how all these dating books are about men for women? Hey girls, here's how to control men! Love, some desperate single dumb ass. And everyone is totally fine with that. But I bet you my right arm and both my ass cheeks that if a man had written such a book about women (eg: Men, here's how to control your woman and make her want you: Play hard to get, chicks totally dig that shit) he would be deemed a sexist monster. I guarantee you.
I didn't finish this book. It made me angry. And it made my male co-workers angry. And I don't blame them a single bit.
March 12, 2009
I think this book has gotten a lot of undeserved bad critique.
OK, OK, about 15% of this book is complete nonsense, and probably about 5% is outdated. However, a good 80% of it is genuinely good advice.
As somebody who lived 25 years of her life being the complete opposite of a "Rules girl" and failing miserably at building healthy romantic relationships, I found myself a little more open-minded than the average person when it came to this book.
Here are some ways in which I think this book succeeds:
- distinction between the ways of men and women: Men and women are fundamentally different - not in terms of equality or worth as human beings, but in the ways they interact, behave and what each is initially attracted to. It's a scientific fact that our brains are wired differently. A man's first impression is primarily VISUAL - they are drawn to pretty girls and bright colors (whether it's a dress, shoes, jewelry, hair is a whole other story). So I don't think there's anything wrong with the suggestion to take care of ourselves so that WE can feel great about ourselves (what the man thinks is only an added bonus). Also, the suggestion to pay attention to what a man does, not what he says... Especially with men, actions do speak louder than words.
- encouraging women to have a life of their own outside the dating world: Yes, the book is written mainly for women who are interested in finding the perfect husband. However, for every time the authors tell you to wait before responding to a man or limit the number of dates you have with him every week, there is an equal amount of effort dedicated to the theme of "don't just say you're busy, BE busy." Obviously it won't be possible to have an engagement every single Friday and Saturday night for the rest of your life (at least, it isn't for me), and sometimes you may have to keep the truth from the guy you're dating to maintain the impression that you're a social butterfly and thus be more appealing to him. I honestly don't see the harm in this: if being alone on a Friday night bothers you, then wouldn't it be even worse to advertise it to the men you're dating? And also: it's really none of his business what you're doing when you're not with him while you're still casually dating.
- the idea of putting long-term goals before short-term gratification: Again, this book is geared primarily towards women who are looking for a long and happy marriage. If that's not you, then this book is not for you. But it's still no reason to trash the book.
- boosting self-confidence: The way I see it, the rules are strung together with a very important thread, and that's the idea of women taking care of themselves, whether it be superficial (physical pampering), spiritual (doing yoga, meditation or anything else that makes YOU feel happy), and social (engaging in healthy romantic relationships). So for everybody who's saying this book is anti-feminist, I'll have to respectfully disagree. "Twilight" is a book about damsels in distress; "The Rules" isn't. The rules simply encourage you to be a challenge for the next guy who comes along, and I see nothing wrong with this. Yes, it really sucks that dating has to be a game, but at least in the beginning I believe that's the truth and everybody who's dying to open up and be honest about EVERYTHING (myself including) just has to suck it up and get through to the next stage...
- "the Rules are not forever": This book is about presentation, not lying. They're not saying you can't be honest about your awkward ugly duckling phase in high school or the fact you're in AA - just not on the first couple dates. And assuming you are taking care of yourself (for yourself), this really doesn't matter in the long run.
Yes, there are a number of spots where it seems like this book contradicts itself (the whole therapist business, the fashion magazines, etc etc), and if you want to nitpick the entire thing as though it's a classic of world literature, you're bound to find many faults. But I don't think that's what this book should be treated as. The biggest messages I got from it were to a) take care of myself (in every way, including not taking risks with the men I let into my life) and b) stop wasting my time and energy over dead-end situations (a message shared with "He's Just Not That Into You"). If these aren't empowering messages, I don't know what is.
Heck, I'd even go as far as to say I'd make my daughter read this, if I ever have a daughter.
OK, OK, about 15% of this book is complete nonsense, and probably about 5% is outdated. However, a good 80% of it is genuinely good advice.
As somebody who lived 25 years of her life being the complete opposite of a "Rules girl" and failing miserably at building healthy romantic relationships, I found myself a little more open-minded than the average person when it came to this book.
Here are some ways in which I think this book succeeds:
- distinction between the ways of men and women: Men and women are fundamentally different - not in terms of equality or worth as human beings, but in the ways they interact, behave and what each is initially attracted to. It's a scientific fact that our brains are wired differently. A man's first impression is primarily VISUAL - they are drawn to pretty girls and bright colors (whether it's a dress, shoes, jewelry, hair is a whole other story). So I don't think there's anything wrong with the suggestion to take care of ourselves so that WE can feel great about ourselves (what the man thinks is only an added bonus). Also, the suggestion to pay attention to what a man does, not what he says... Especially with men, actions do speak louder than words.
- encouraging women to have a life of their own outside the dating world: Yes, the book is written mainly for women who are interested in finding the perfect husband. However, for every time the authors tell you to wait before responding to a man or limit the number of dates you have with him every week, there is an equal amount of effort dedicated to the theme of "don't just say you're busy, BE busy." Obviously it won't be possible to have an engagement every single Friday and Saturday night for the rest of your life (at least, it isn't for me), and sometimes you may have to keep the truth from the guy you're dating to maintain the impression that you're a social butterfly and thus be more appealing to him. I honestly don't see the harm in this: if being alone on a Friday night bothers you, then wouldn't it be even worse to advertise it to the men you're dating? And also: it's really none of his business what you're doing when you're not with him while you're still casually dating.
- the idea of putting long-term goals before short-term gratification: Again, this book is geared primarily towards women who are looking for a long and happy marriage. If that's not you, then this book is not for you. But it's still no reason to trash the book.
- boosting self-confidence: The way I see it, the rules are strung together with a very important thread, and that's the idea of women taking care of themselves, whether it be superficial (physical pampering), spiritual (doing yoga, meditation or anything else that makes YOU feel happy), and social (engaging in healthy romantic relationships). So for everybody who's saying this book is anti-feminist, I'll have to respectfully disagree. "Twilight" is a book about damsels in distress; "The Rules" isn't. The rules simply encourage you to be a challenge for the next guy who comes along, and I see nothing wrong with this. Yes, it really sucks that dating has to be a game, but at least in the beginning I believe that's the truth and everybody who's dying to open up and be honest about EVERYTHING (myself including) just has to suck it up and get through to the next stage...
- "the Rules are not forever": This book is about presentation, not lying. They're not saying you can't be honest about your awkward ugly duckling phase in high school or the fact you're in AA - just not on the first couple dates. And assuming you are taking care of yourself (for yourself), this really doesn't matter in the long run.
Yes, there are a number of spots where it seems like this book contradicts itself (the whole therapist business, the fashion magazines, etc etc), and if you want to nitpick the entire thing as though it's a classic of world literature, you're bound to find many faults. But I don't think that's what this book should be treated as. The biggest messages I got from it were to a) take care of myself (in every way, including not taking risks with the men I let into my life) and b) stop wasting my time and energy over dead-end situations (a message shared with "He's Just Not That Into You"). If these aren't empowering messages, I don't know what is.
Heck, I'd even go as far as to say I'd make my daughter read this, if I ever have a daughter.
September 12, 2007
Long before this book was written my grandmother told me, "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" The Rules puts grandma's idea into practice. This is basic, common sense stuff....don't sit around waiting for the phone to ring or be available at the drop of a hat. Get a life, don't bag out on your girlfriends because some guy called, and keep the first few dates short and sweet. Grandma knows best...
May 6, 2014
A few questions:
#1: What person in their right mind would take the abuse of someone not returning their calls? If such a person kept chasing after such a person, doesn't that person have low self esteem, or, he believes in the scarcity of attractive women? Is that what Rules women want?;
#2: If you're always ending calls first, no matter how well the conversation is going, aren't most guys beyond high school going to figure out what you're doing? Aren't most people going to feel you don't care about them if you're ending calls first ALL THE TIME?;
#3: Why are we taking the advice of these people? One of the authors couldn't hold her man and got a divorce. Whether it's one fault or both, seems to me that the author isn't clear on what works and does not work. Likewise, I don't listen to journalists, who make less than 60k, yet give advice on the stock market to make money. Why would I get advice from people who produce far less results than I do? So, I ask why are you getting advice from someone whose own relationship does not produce the listed results?; and
#4: There isn't enough here about tapping a man's ego. If more women did that, instead of hanging up on guys or not returning calls, they might get more results.
Some of the points, like not being super available or talking about yourself only, are valid points. But some of the points in here could screw up your chances with a great guy.
#1: What person in their right mind would take the abuse of someone not returning their calls? If such a person kept chasing after such a person, doesn't that person have low self esteem, or, he believes in the scarcity of attractive women? Is that what Rules women want?;
#2: If you're always ending calls first, no matter how well the conversation is going, aren't most guys beyond high school going to figure out what you're doing? Aren't most people going to feel you don't care about them if you're ending calls first ALL THE TIME?;
#3: Why are we taking the advice of these people? One of the authors couldn't hold her man and got a divorce. Whether it's one fault or both, seems to me that the author isn't clear on what works and does not work. Likewise, I don't listen to journalists, who make less than 60k, yet give advice on the stock market to make money. Why would I get advice from people who produce far less results than I do? So, I ask why are you getting advice from someone whose own relationship does not produce the listed results?; and
#4: There isn't enough here about tapping a man's ego. If more women did that, instead of hanging up on guys or not returning calls, they might get more results.
Some of the points, like not being super available or talking about yourself only, are valid points. But some of the points in here could screw up your chances with a great guy.
December 22, 2008
Didn't look like my kind of book from the get-go but it's been sitting on my desk as a TBR for at least a year so I figured I should at least flip through it.
So I randomly open up to a random page and this is the first thing I read:
"Don't get sloppy about your looks. Continue to exercise. Men don't leave women who put on twenty pounds after the wedding or the first baby, but if you want your fiance or husband to keep drooling over you, keep fit."
Excuse me!?! Am I reading an issue of Cosmo from 1955? Do women really take these "time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right" seriously? Wow.
But I can't 1-star a book based on just that. So I've opened up to more random pages.
"Even men who are in love with you and want to marry you will occaisonally say things to irk you or make you nervous, such as, 'I'll take you there if we're still seeing each other next year...you know how relationships go.' Don't get paranoid, just ignore him. Most girls would make a big fuss about it and get mad. Rules girls stay calm when men tease them."
Shut. the. hell. up. I can't take much more of this.
“Now that you know what not to do, what should you do to attract your man on campus?
…�.
Eat sensibly�.Remember overweight is not The Rules�..
Wear makeup. Read Glamour and other popular fashion magazines�..
Don’t sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling. You can read Sartre on Monday�..�
WTF. This is now making me sick to my stomach. Are you seriously telling me if I read Glamour and other fashion magazines, I’ll get a man? Are you KIDDING me!?! Wait. Perhaps they are kidding me. Is this a Satire? Is this book tagged ‘humor�?
Sorry to say, no it isn’t. It says right here on the book’s spine “Advice/Relationships�. *sigh*
What I find most offensive about the above excerpt is the implication that “The Rules� don’t even apply to plus sized ladies. God forbid a fat woman needs advice on how to find a man. She better wear extra makeup and carry around a Chick-Lit book in her back pocket. ‘Cause you know, reading Sartre would kill her chances even more. *rolls eyes*
OK. One more quote and then this book goes in the freebie pile at work.
�Act confident even if you don’t feel it. Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids in high school are wearing. Don’t try to be too different of frugal in this area. You’ll feel lousy, so it’s not worth it. To see what’s hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour. Don’t let your mind tell you that this is superficial and beneath you. (Save your mind for final exams and the SATs.) Don’t you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when that’s in fashion? Well, they like girls who wear what’s on MTV and in Seventeen.�
Oh. No. It. Didn’t. Go. There. Yes, girls, don’t think! Your only concern is to be just like everyone else! Wear makeup! Spend all your money on clothes! Read garbage! Focus all your energy on finding a man!
Here’s my advice, for what it’s worth: Act like yourself. Make your own decisions about who you are and what kind of man you want. And if he doesn’t like you because you aren’t a superficial sheep, that is his problem.
In my experience, the second I stopped trying so hard to find someone is when I finally found Mr. Right. Who loves me for the woman I am. And I followed only my own rules. And so should you, sister!
So I randomly open up to a random page and this is the first thing I read:
"Don't get sloppy about your looks. Continue to exercise. Men don't leave women who put on twenty pounds after the wedding or the first baby, but if you want your fiance or husband to keep drooling over you, keep fit."
Excuse me!?! Am I reading an issue of Cosmo from 1955? Do women really take these "time-tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right" seriously? Wow.
But I can't 1-star a book based on just that. So I've opened up to more random pages.
"Even men who are in love with you and want to marry you will occaisonally say things to irk you or make you nervous, such as, 'I'll take you there if we're still seeing each other next year...you know how relationships go.' Don't get paranoid, just ignore him. Most girls would make a big fuss about it and get mad. Rules girls stay calm when men tease them."
Shut. the. hell. up. I can't take much more of this.
“Now that you know what not to do, what should you do to attract your man on campus?
…�.
Eat sensibly�.Remember overweight is not The Rules�..
Wear makeup. Read Glamour and other popular fashion magazines�..
Don’t sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling. You can read Sartre on Monday�..�
WTF. This is now making me sick to my stomach. Are you seriously telling me if I read Glamour and other fashion magazines, I’ll get a man? Are you KIDDING me!?! Wait. Perhaps they are kidding me. Is this a Satire? Is this book tagged ‘humor�?
Sorry to say, no it isn’t. It says right here on the book’s spine “Advice/Relationships�. *sigh*
What I find most offensive about the above excerpt is the implication that “The Rules� don’t even apply to plus sized ladies. God forbid a fat woman needs advice on how to find a man. She better wear extra makeup and carry around a Chick-Lit book in her back pocket. ‘Cause you know, reading Sartre would kill her chances even more. *rolls eyes*
OK. One more quote and then this book goes in the freebie pile at work.
�Act confident even if you don’t feel it. Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids in high school are wearing. Don’t try to be too different of frugal in this area. You’ll feel lousy, so it’s not worth it. To see what’s hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour. Don’t let your mind tell you that this is superficial and beneath you. (Save your mind for final exams and the SATs.) Don’t you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when that’s in fashion? Well, they like girls who wear what’s on MTV and in Seventeen.�
Oh. No. It. Didn’t. Go. There. Yes, girls, don’t think! Your only concern is to be just like everyone else! Wear makeup! Spend all your money on clothes! Read garbage! Focus all your energy on finding a man!
Here’s my advice, for what it’s worth: Act like yourself. Make your own decisions about who you are and what kind of man you want. And if he doesn’t like you because you aren’t a superficial sheep, that is his problem.
In my experience, the second I stopped trying so hard to find someone is when I finally found Mr. Right. Who loves me for the woman I am. And I followed only my own rules. And so should you, sister!
October 15, 2008
People get the wrong idea from this book and roll their eyes, but then sit at home on Thursday night, praying for weekend plans. This book advises women NOT to do that, go out and fall in love with yourself. Also, don't be at the beck and call of a man. They should value the time they spend with you and make plans to be with you, should be confident and proactive, romantic, straightforward, and ahead of the game. If you're always waiting for them, you set the tone for the relationship. The rules help you to love yourself.
August 15, 2017
A coworker recommended this book to me after I had gotten out of a two-year relationship (this was right out of college, when two years is still a significant amount of time). Upon reading it, it turned into my Bible of the dating world.
I have recommended this book to many friends, most of whom have not been nearly so receptive to the message in this book because they don't like being told that they have to hold back and let the man come to you.
This book, to me, drilled two central themes into the reader: (1) If a man is not smitten with you, move on.
(2) Don't always make yourself available for men, keep yourself busy.
This book does take a very extreme approach to dating, but I think it does so with the recognition that readers will not absolutely follow the book to the letter. For example, if you tell the reader "Don't ever call a man," most readers are still going to go ahead and call men, but the book makes them think twice about why they want to call.
Anyways, my recommendation? Give it a read, try it out, and see what you think of the results before dismissing it offhand. You might be surprised at your success. I was.
I have recommended this book to many friends, most of whom have not been nearly so receptive to the message in this book because they don't like being told that they have to hold back and let the man come to you.
This book, to me, drilled two central themes into the reader: (1) If a man is not smitten with you, move on.
(2) Don't always make yourself available for men, keep yourself busy.
This book does take a very extreme approach to dating, but I think it does so with the recognition that readers will not absolutely follow the book to the letter. For example, if you tell the reader "Don't ever call a man," most readers are still going to go ahead and call men, but the book makes them think twice about why they want to call.
Anyways, my recommendation? Give it a read, try it out, and see what you think of the results before dismissing it offhand. You might be surprised at your success. I was.
October 11, 2010
Good passages:
-When you do THE RULES, you don't have to worry about him chasing other women, even your very attractive neighbor or his bosomy secretary.
-You don't eat cake if you're serious about losing weight.
-Notice how the Melanies intentionally don't carry a pen with them in order to give men their phone numbers and they don't rush to give their business cards.
-So, in addition to a healthy diet, we strongly suggest that you shake your buns! Join a gym, buy an exercise video, or go jogging in a nearby part (also a great place to meet men who are jogging or walking their dogs).
-You will have to experience a certain amount of discomfort when you can't eat a cookie and you can't call a man. But you want to be fit and you want to get married, so you do what you have to do.
-Don't aspire to the unisex look. Buy feminine-looking clothes to wear on the weekends as well as during the workweek. Remember that you're dressing for men, not other women, so always strive to look feminine.
-Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. The point is, we're girls! We don't want to look like boys.
-Your gestures are soft and feminine. When your hair falls in front of your face, you tilt your head back and comb back your hair with your hand from the top of your head in a slow sweeping motion.
-Remember, men fall in love with your essence, not with anything in particular you say.
-Men love a challenge, that's why they plays sports, wage wars, and raid corporations.
-Later on you can reciprocate in your own way: cook him dinner at your place or buy him a baseball cap.
-Life has enough pain without adding man pain to it. We can't control cancer or drunk drivers, but we can restrain ourselves from dialing his number.
-We feel that we are simply going to die if we don't hear his sexy voice this minute! That's understandable. We suggest you call his home answering machine when he's at work. Hang up before the beep. It really works!
-You're frenetically checking your answering machine, or if you live at home, you're constantly asking your mother if he called. Basically, you're living on the edge. RULES girls don't live on the edge. They have plans.
-Most women go on dates with a lot of expectations. They want the man to find them beautiful, to ask them out again, and to father their children.
-Of course, Randy should have ended the date right after the movie, but she though she could excite Bob with her great disco dancing. Other women try to prolong a first or second date, for example, by inviting the man up to her apartment for a drink or coffee so that he'll fall in love with her decorating, or her home-brewed decaf.
-Don't be fooled if these men say the kinds of things that make you believe they want to marry you. It happens all the time. It's called Standard Operating Procedure.
-This is deadly and boring.
-Remember rule #9--that the first three dates are about being light and charming, like a summer breeze.
-Don't say, 'No I never drink. I hit a terrible bottom with drugs and alcohol two years ago and now I'm sober in AA.' Just say, 'No thanks,' and smile.
-If his ad said, 'Marriage-minded, Tom Cruise Look-alike,' you could start your note off with: 'Dear Tom' or 'Dear T.C.'
-He may wonder if other men are looking at you in your Lyrca. That will good for the relationship.
-Don't sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling. You can read Sartre on Monday.
-He says he loves her, but he never pinches her bottom in the kitchen and would rather watch the 11 o'clock news alone in his reclining chair than cuddle in bed with his wife.
-It's natural to want to fly off the handle every time something goes wrong in the love Kingdom--we all have fantasies of marital bliss.
-This isn't always easy. Sometimes you just don't feel like shaving your legs, cooking him a hot meal, or being so sweet, kind, and loving.
-Don't you have a letter to send or a drawer to clean out?
-When he asks you out, silently count to five before saying yes. It will make him nervous and that's good!
-When you do THE RULES, you don't have to worry about him chasing other women, even your very attractive neighbor or his bosomy secretary.
-You don't eat cake if you're serious about losing weight.
-Notice how the Melanies intentionally don't carry a pen with them in order to give men their phone numbers and they don't rush to give their business cards.
-So, in addition to a healthy diet, we strongly suggest that you shake your buns! Join a gym, buy an exercise video, or go jogging in a nearby part (also a great place to meet men who are jogging or walking their dogs).
-You will have to experience a certain amount of discomfort when you can't eat a cookie and you can't call a man. But you want to be fit and you want to get married, so you do what you have to do.
-Don't aspire to the unisex look. Buy feminine-looking clothes to wear on the weekends as well as during the workweek. Remember that you're dressing for men, not other women, so always strive to look feminine.
-Men prefer long hair, something to play with and caress. The point is, we're girls! We don't want to look like boys.
-Your gestures are soft and feminine. When your hair falls in front of your face, you tilt your head back and comb back your hair with your hand from the top of your head in a slow sweeping motion.
-Remember, men fall in love with your essence, not with anything in particular you say.
-Men love a challenge, that's why they plays sports, wage wars, and raid corporations.
-Later on you can reciprocate in your own way: cook him dinner at your place or buy him a baseball cap.
-Life has enough pain without adding man pain to it. We can't control cancer or drunk drivers, but we can restrain ourselves from dialing his number.
-We feel that we are simply going to die if we don't hear his sexy voice this minute! That's understandable. We suggest you call his home answering machine when he's at work. Hang up before the beep. It really works!
-You're frenetically checking your answering machine, or if you live at home, you're constantly asking your mother if he called. Basically, you're living on the edge. RULES girls don't live on the edge. They have plans.
-Most women go on dates with a lot of expectations. They want the man to find them beautiful, to ask them out again, and to father their children.
-Of course, Randy should have ended the date right after the movie, but she though she could excite Bob with her great disco dancing. Other women try to prolong a first or second date, for example, by inviting the man up to her apartment for a drink or coffee so that he'll fall in love with her decorating, or her home-brewed decaf.
-Don't be fooled if these men say the kinds of things that make you believe they want to marry you. It happens all the time. It's called Standard Operating Procedure.
-This is deadly and boring.
-Remember rule #9--that the first three dates are about being light and charming, like a summer breeze.
-Don't say, 'No I never drink. I hit a terrible bottom with drugs and alcohol two years ago and now I'm sober in AA.' Just say, 'No thanks,' and smile.
-If his ad said, 'Marriage-minded, Tom Cruise Look-alike,' you could start your note off with: 'Dear Tom' or 'Dear T.C.'
-He may wonder if other men are looking at you in your Lyrca. That will good for the relationship.
-Don't sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre. Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling. You can read Sartre on Monday.
-He says he loves her, but he never pinches her bottom in the kitchen and would rather watch the 11 o'clock news alone in his reclining chair than cuddle in bed with his wife.
-It's natural to want to fly off the handle every time something goes wrong in the love Kingdom--we all have fantasies of marital bliss.
-This isn't always easy. Sometimes you just don't feel like shaving your legs, cooking him a hot meal, or being so sweet, kind, and loving.
-Don't you have a letter to send or a drawer to clean out?
-When he asks you out, silently count to five before saying yes. It will make him nervous and that's good!
July 18, 2014
Around the time this book became a bestseller in the 90s, I had been dating a woman who did me the favor of recommending it to me to read. It was at the end of our 'relationship,' and we were getting thoroughly sick of each other. I was obviously not the kind of man she wanted, and she certainly was not the kind of woman I wanted.
I read it cover to cover. I suppose she wanted me to learn from the book so I could 'improve myself' for other women, but all the book did was provide irony. It exposed many of the things about her I had grown tired of--the 'missed messages'; the silence; the cool responses to my efforts to be nice, and many other things I felt were inconsiderate and manipulative.
I won't assume this book fully explained what kind of woman she was, because it didn't and couldn't, but the book did explain at least some of the behaviors that I believe damaged any chance for us to remain together.
I'm not judging this book by one failed relationship, because that would be shallow--but I am judging it for what it actually is: conventional wisdom mixed with advice to women for manipulating their suitors, and the book earns low marks for the latter.
I understand playing hard to get--that's pretty normal stuff. And I'm not against ground rules in a relationship--in fact, I'm all for them. But I do believe deception only hurts relationships, and I believe in equal measures for equal efforts. If you want to call someone, call him; if something pisses you off, tell him and let him know why; if something makes you happy, don't hide it just because you think that would only encourage him. That's bullshit. Be honest with the man you think you like. It works. If a man is fighting an uphill battle because you're playing games with him, chances are he'll give up and find a woman who doesn't play games. I'm glad I did.
I think this book could have been retitled from The Rules to The Games--but that would have been too honest.
I read it cover to cover. I suppose she wanted me to learn from the book so I could 'improve myself' for other women, but all the book did was provide irony. It exposed many of the things about her I had grown tired of--the 'missed messages'; the silence; the cool responses to my efforts to be nice, and many other things I felt were inconsiderate and manipulative.
I won't assume this book fully explained what kind of woman she was, because it didn't and couldn't, but the book did explain at least some of the behaviors that I believe damaged any chance for us to remain together.
I'm not judging this book by one failed relationship, because that would be shallow--but I am judging it for what it actually is: conventional wisdom mixed with advice to women for manipulating their suitors, and the book earns low marks for the latter.
I understand playing hard to get--that's pretty normal stuff. And I'm not against ground rules in a relationship--in fact, I'm all for them. But I do believe deception only hurts relationships, and I believe in equal measures for equal efforts. If you want to call someone, call him; if something pisses you off, tell him and let him know why; if something makes you happy, don't hide it just because you think that would only encourage him. That's bullshit. Be honest with the man you think you like. It works. If a man is fighting an uphill battle because you're playing games with him, chances are he'll give up and find a woman who doesn't play games. I'm glad I did.
I think this book could have been retitled from The Rules to The Games--but that would have been too honest.
May 30, 2009
I wrote a paper in college on this book. Not only do they not cite any research to support their "rules," many of their "rules" contradict each other. Numerous studies have been done (PRIOR to the book being published) that prove most of the theories wrong.
The foundation for the book was that the rules "worked for them!" What they don't tell you is that one of the authors went through a divorce during the promotional tour for one of their follow-up books. Clearly the rules did not work for her.
Do not waste your time or money on this garbage.
The foundation for the book was that the rules "worked for them!" What they don't tell you is that one of the authors went through a divorce during the promotional tour for one of their follow-up books. Clearly the rules did not work for her.
Do not waste your time or money on this garbage.
August 12, 2007
Yeeeah. After hearing the authors' discuss this book on Oprah or The View or some other gyno-centric talk show, I kind of suspected The Rules would send me into a killing rage. I was right.
On the upside, I knew my husband was the one for me when he read it and proclaimed it a "stupid guide for assholes". I love you, honey.
On the upside, I knew my husband was the one for me when he read it and proclaimed it a "stupid guide for assholes". I love you, honey.
January 13, 2009
Okay, I have heard and read so much negative feedback for this book, and I will admit... some of the rules seem rather stupid.
BUT... at least 85 percent of them work, and at least 95 percent of them are common sense.
They are all but impossible to follow, they are depressing, they are frustrating, and they suck.
BUT... so does dieting. And there is no better way to lose weight.
So, maybe... just because it sucks doesn't mean it doesn't work.
I have applied this book to my relationships for years, and it has helped me get into relationships, get guys back, and finally, keep one. :)
Open up your mind, and give it a try. I promise you won't regret it.
BUT... at least 85 percent of them work, and at least 95 percent of them are common sense.
They are all but impossible to follow, they are depressing, they are frustrating, and they suck.
BUT... so does dieting. And there is no better way to lose weight.
So, maybe... just because it sucks doesn't mean it doesn't work.
I have applied this book to my relationships for years, and it has helped me get into relationships, get guys back, and finally, keep one. :)
Open up your mind, and give it a try. I promise you won't regret it.
March 25, 2009
If you don't mind reading something extraordinarily creepy, The Rules is actually a hilarious book. I couldn't put it down!
I assumed that I would have broken every single rule in the book repeatedly. Not so. Each rule fell into two camps: one that I did the exact opposite of (Don't talk too much) and stuff that I actually did (Don't call him and rarely return his calls). The stuff I got right though, wasn't because I'm a "Rules Girl" it's because I'm an asshole.
The thing is, this book has some truths. It's not ALL bad. The authors have sound advice for women that are like so desperate for a boyfriend that they have abandoned all other aspects of their lives and go to extreme desperate measures to stalk any man that looks at them twice. The message to them is, "Men are competitive and will do anything they can to get a woman they want. If he wants you, you shouldn't have to do a thing. Stop over-analyzing everything and freaking out. Just focus being a better you."
The authors assume that every woman is a psycho man hunter, and also that their relationship goals involve the following (I think that's what this list is, anyway. It was somewhat randomly included without much explanation why, under "Rule #33: Do The Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!" which just seems confusing to me, anyway:)
� When you are seated at a booth in a restaurant, he slides over and sits next to you.
� He sends you roses after sex.
� He writes love notes or poetry for you and tapes them on the refrigerator door.
� He gets angry when you don't pay attention to him. He wants your constant attention.
� He is always ready to make up after a fight. What kind of pussy is "always ready to make up"?
� He gets involved in every aspect of your life.
� When you have a cold or become ill, he still wants to be with you.
� He always wants the phone number of where you are so he can get in touch with you. (This is like what abusers do to their battered wives.)
� He doesn't like it when you go to bachelorette parties. I'm sorry, there's a problem here.
The list is much longer, but you get the idea. (I underlined the most terrifying stuff.)
Of course, some of the rules are just plain bad. And those are the best (= worst):
� Before he comes to your apartment, tuck this book away, hide in the closet anything you don't want him to see, such as a bottle of Prozac.
� When writing a personal ad, don't try to be different. Remember, he has a lot of other letters to read. End the note by saying something like, "Well, I'm off to my aerobics class. Hope to hear form you soon." Keep it light!
� In High School: Go to the beach, not in your room dwelling on your flaws or quoting Sylvia Plath. Don't chew gum and cackle. Seem self-contained even if you're lonely and bored to death. Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids are wearing. Don't try to be too different or frugal in this area. To see what's hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour. Don't you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when that's in fashion?
� Remember, overweight is not The Rules.
� Don't sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre.
� Don't go away with a man for a week. Save it for your honeymoon! You might act too wifey -- telling him to watch his fat intake or giving him advice about a family or business problem.
To add to the book's charm, the authors have pretty much included the phrase "The Rules" in every other sentence, and about one third of the sentences end with a "!" Fortunately, the text is not pink and the i's are not dotted with hearts. That's about the only difference between this book and a 1950's teen's diary.
I assumed that I would have broken every single rule in the book repeatedly. Not so. Each rule fell into two camps: one that I did the exact opposite of (Don't talk too much) and stuff that I actually did (Don't call him and rarely return his calls). The stuff I got right though, wasn't because I'm a "Rules Girl" it's because I'm an asshole.
The thing is, this book has some truths. It's not ALL bad. The authors have sound advice for women that are like so desperate for a boyfriend that they have abandoned all other aspects of their lives and go to extreme desperate measures to stalk any man that looks at them twice. The message to them is, "Men are competitive and will do anything they can to get a woman they want. If he wants you, you shouldn't have to do a thing. Stop over-analyzing everything and freaking out. Just focus being a better you."
The authors assume that every woman is a psycho man hunter, and also that their relationship goals involve the following (I think that's what this list is, anyway. It was somewhat randomly included without much explanation why, under "Rule #33: Do The Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!" which just seems confusing to me, anyway:)
� When you are seated at a booth in a restaurant, he slides over and sits next to you.
� He sends you roses after sex.
� He writes love notes or poetry for you and tapes them on the refrigerator door.
� He gets angry when you don't pay attention to him. He wants your constant attention.
� He is always ready to make up after a fight. What kind of pussy is "always ready to make up"?
� He gets involved in every aspect of your life.
� When you have a cold or become ill, he still wants to be with you.
� He always wants the phone number of where you are so he can get in touch with you. (This is like what abusers do to their battered wives.)
� He doesn't like it when you go to bachelorette parties. I'm sorry, there's a problem here.
The list is much longer, but you get the idea. (I underlined the most terrifying stuff.)
Of course, some of the rules are just plain bad. And those are the best (= worst):
� Before he comes to your apartment, tuck this book away, hide in the closet anything you don't want him to see, such as a bottle of Prozac.
� When writing a personal ad, don't try to be different. Remember, he has a lot of other letters to read. End the note by saying something like, "Well, I'm off to my aerobics class. Hope to hear form you soon." Keep it light!
� In High School: Go to the beach, not in your room dwelling on your flaws or quoting Sylvia Plath. Don't chew gum and cackle. Seem self-contained even if you're lonely and bored to death. Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids are wearing. Don't try to be too different or frugal in this area. To see what's hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour. Don't you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when that's in fashion?
� Remember, overweight is not The Rules.
� Don't sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean-Paul Sartre.
� Don't go away with a man for a week. Save it for your honeymoon! You might act too wifey -- telling him to watch his fat intake or giving him advice about a family or business problem.
To add to the book's charm, the authors have pretty much included the phrase "The Rules" in every other sentence, and about one third of the sentences end with a "!" Fortunately, the text is not pink and the i's are not dotted with hearts. That's about the only difference between this book and a 1950's teen's diary.
September 13, 2012
I read this book on the suggestion of a friend. We were talking about her recent break-up and she referenced the book as if anyone in her right mind would have read it, and I had never heard of it. So, I bought it on my Kindle that night expecting to get some romantic wisdom of the ages.
What I found instead was "a total mindfuck", as they say. The book is geared toward women and basically tells us to fake disinterest so men will love us more. I'm sure this strategy works in many cases, but it just didn't sit well with me. I believe there needs to be a strategy in dating just like all parts of life require a strategy, formal or informal. But when the strategy is basically to deceive the other person, it feels wrong.
Also, I told my boyfriend about the book and how it suggests that women always wear make up, even to the gym. For a while, every time we left the house, he would ask "are you wearing make up?" I think he was worried that the book had changed me.
In the end, I thought it was a waste of brain space to finish the book so I stopped about a quarter of the way in.
ps: it is the 803rd most highlighted book on Amazon. Dear Jesus help us women.
What I found instead was "a total mindfuck", as they say. The book is geared toward women and basically tells us to fake disinterest so men will love us more. I'm sure this strategy works in many cases, but it just didn't sit well with me. I believe there needs to be a strategy in dating just like all parts of life require a strategy, formal or informal. But when the strategy is basically to deceive the other person, it feels wrong.
Also, I told my boyfriend about the book and how it suggests that women always wear make up, even to the gym. For a while, every time we left the house, he would ask "are you wearing make up?" I think he was worried that the book had changed me.
In the end, I thought it was a waste of brain space to finish the book so I stopped about a quarter of the way in.
ps: it is the 803rd most highlighted book on Amazon. Dear Jesus help us women.
February 8, 2013
While some might find the suggested applications of Rules to be archaic, the value of them lies in the main messages: Respect yourself and don't clientele with people who don't respect you. Treat yourself as you would have others treat you. Take a little pride in your appearance to boost your self-esteem. Be pleasant and don't sleep around. Quit fighting the fact that men and women have some fundamental differences, both socially and sexually. Watch out for the signs that a man is only after your cookie. Don't degrade yourself or let others degrade you. Acknowledge the signs that things are or aren't meant to be. If only all little girls (and boys, for that matter) got these messages from their parents!
May 2, 2008
Three stars for the sheer comedy (I never fail to snicker when glancing at the title of Chapter IV: "But First the Product - You!"). Penny for penny (I found this in the 48-cent bin at The Strand and promptly gave it to my underappreciative boyfriend, now husband), this was one of my more amusing book purchases.
If you don't want to read the whole book, you can go to the end of the book and read the list of all the rules, which juxtapose (probably unintended) hilarity ("Do the Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!" - Rule 33) with (again probably unintended) poignancy ("Love Only Those Who Love You" - Rule 34).
If you don't want to read the whole book, you can go to the end of the book and read the list of all the rules, which juxtapose (probably unintended) hilarity ("Do the Rules and You'll Live Happily Ever After!" - Rule 33) with (again probably unintended) poignancy ("Love Only Those Who Love You" - Rule 34).
December 20, 2008
This book was horrible. If you read my updates (not sure if you can) I loved the book in the beginning. It talked about not making yourself too available for a man and let him do the chasing. Then it said things like if you aren't happy with your nose, get a nose job because you are trying to please men and find a husband. WHAT? They contradicted themselves a lot. In the first section of it, it said do not talk to your therapist about "the rules" because they will basically view you as conniving and playing games with men, but then in the second section they changed their minds and said you can discuss it with your therapist. They told you to be evasive when answering certain questions with men, but then said be honest. They said after being married, try to understand his point of view more and realize he's not always going to understand yours but you should try your hardest to understand his and never raise your voice with him. Basically all of a sudden they say be submissive, but then switch it up again and say continue to play games with your husband.
After the first 20 chapters, I eventually started skipping thru the book because I could see how bad it was. After about page 150, I decided I was completely done reading it.
After the first 20 chapters, I eventually started skipping thru the book because I could see how bad it was. After about page 150, I decided I was completely done reading it.
May 17, 2021
#2020ReadingChallenge
#5.5diem2sao
Bí kíp tán trai dành cho những cô gái thông minh, hay cách đ� tr� thành bad girl thiệt sang chảnh.
Thực tình, đọc xong rồi và mình vẫn ch� hiểu sao một thằng con trai, lại đi đọc cuốn này chi nữa, đ� giang h� hiểu nhầm mình. Nhưng ngẫm kĩ lại, hiểu rõ các chiêu tán trai, thì mới bắt được mấy trò của mấy cô ch� nh�, haha.
Cuốn sách gồm 35 nguyên tắc, hay gọi là The Rules, với những nguyên tắc khá nghiêm ngặt làm sao đ� tr� thành một cô gái thật hấp dẫn và thu hút trong mắt bọn con trai, làm sao đ� chắc chắn chàng tr� thành r� nhà mình. Đọc xong mà mình cũng thấy hơi rét, haha.
Tuy nhiên, nguyên tắc thì cũng ch� là nguyên tắc, chẳng th� nào đúng với tất c� mọi cô gái được. Nhưng cuốn sách lại c� đi khẳng định kiểu, những nguyên tắc này như là Kinh thánh, phải nhất nhất nghe theo bất chấp điều gì chăng nữa. Qu� thực, mình là mình hổng ưng bụng lắm rồi á.
Tuy nhiên, nếu áp dụng một cách linh hoạt, các cô gái có th� tr� nên hấp dẫn hơn rất nhiều. Qu� như có áp dụng đ� tán mình, mình s� gi� v� hông biết và vẫn rơi vào lưới tình thôi, haha.
Xem thêm những bài viết khác của mình tại
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BÌNH TĨNH KHI �, MẠNH M� KHI YÊU (1995)
Tác gi�: Ellen Fein
Th� Đức, 21.09.2021
#5.5diem2sao
Bí kíp tán trai dành cho những cô gái thông minh, hay cách đ� tr� thành bad girl thiệt sang chảnh.
Thực tình, đọc xong rồi và mình vẫn ch� hiểu sao một thằng con trai, lại đi đọc cuốn này chi nữa, đ� giang h� hiểu nhầm mình. Nhưng ngẫm kĩ lại, hiểu rõ các chiêu tán trai, thì mới bắt được mấy trò của mấy cô ch� nh�, haha.
Cuốn sách gồm 35 nguyên tắc, hay gọi là The Rules, với những nguyên tắc khá nghiêm ngặt làm sao đ� tr� thành một cô gái thật hấp dẫn và thu hút trong mắt bọn con trai, làm sao đ� chắc chắn chàng tr� thành r� nhà mình. Đọc xong mà mình cũng thấy hơi rét, haha.
Tuy nhiên, nguyên tắc thì cũng ch� là nguyên tắc, chẳng th� nào đúng với tất c� mọi cô gái được. Nhưng cuốn sách lại c� đi khẳng định kiểu, những nguyên tắc này như là Kinh thánh, phải nhất nhất nghe theo bất chấp điều gì chăng nữa. Qu� thực, mình là mình hổng ưng bụng lắm rồi á.
Tuy nhiên, nếu áp dụng một cách linh hoạt, các cô gái có th� tr� nên hấp dẫn hơn rất nhiều. Qu� như có áp dụng đ� tán mình, mình s� gi� v� hông biết và vẫn rơi vào lưới tình thôi, haha.
Xem thêm những bài viết khác của mình tại
-------------------------
BÌNH TĨNH KHI �, MẠNH M� KHI YÊU (1995)
Tác gi�: Ellen Fein
Th� Đức, 21.09.2021
July 15, 2009
Also a life-changing book! This one takes getting used. I realized that I do almost the exact opposite of everything this book tells you to do. SO it took me a bit to get used to switching the way I think about dating. What I love about the book is that it reminds women how amazing we are and that it's not too much to ask a guy to work a little harder to win us over! BECAUSE WE'RE WORTH IT!
September 16, 2012
This book was ridiculous. I read it 15 years ago and I'm still irritated that I'll never get that half-hour back.
December 4, 2007
One of the things of reading books like this that come my way is the understanding that, whatever the attempts to make it seem neutral, I'm not part of the book's expected purchasing market. And that goes double for this one, which has no pretensions whatsoever of being equal opportunity. So, reading this type of book is pure entertainment. And just to keep my mind in the game, since this is a book purporting to give advice on romance to an as yet unidentified male, the question I have is, if I happen to be the unidentified male in question, would a given female following this advice have a chance of having me remember anything about her the next week? Especially if, to paraphrase the authors, I happen to be someone who is regularly engaged with work, hobbies, other friends, interesting people, etc.
Well, frankly, probably not. There is repeatedly supporting encouragement about playing hard to get, of not initiating lines of conversation, of waiting until a romantic relationship is well secure before having conversations on anything other then the most vapid of topics. Besides being unmemorable in groups, should I actually go out on a date with such a girl, I would probably walk away thinking what a boring, uninteresting, vapid person this is, with no hopes, dreams, opinions, ambition or thoughts on anything other than (presumably) dating and marriage (I probably would add the last despite the young lady following the authors admonishment to avoid relationships as a topic of conversation). The emphasis on form over substance is particularly shallow (by definition).
Something good? Well, the advice of not fantasizing the attentions and interest of a man who does not take any initiative or do any work in the relationship is a good idea. And given the people who I have known who don't seem to think the fact that I did not remember anything about a lady who I met a week prior to be a contraindication of substantial romantic interest, it probably is something worth saying and emphasizing. And also the repeated emphasis on a woman who desires romantic involvment have other things in her life like hobbies, community service, time with friends, interests, is good too (although there are a few points where the authors suggest that the suggestion of these things is more important then the reality). Also the point that they should view themselves as something valuable, and a relationship beyond friendship is not something to be given lightly.
But the biggest flaw (as I see) is that not all people (male and female) have the same desires in romantic/marital relationships. To contrast this with things like Gary Chapman The Five Love Languages or Neil Clark Warren Finding The Love Of Your Life, The Rules is aimed at women who want the romantic story type of relationship with the focus on gifts, and this type of woman will attract the type of guy who also wants that type of relationship right out of the movies. Someone who Chapman or Warren describe as showing or desiring love in other ways would be unsatisfied or may not even notice the woman who follows The Rules exists.
Well, frankly, probably not. There is repeatedly supporting encouragement about playing hard to get, of not initiating lines of conversation, of waiting until a romantic relationship is well secure before having conversations on anything other then the most vapid of topics. Besides being unmemorable in groups, should I actually go out on a date with such a girl, I would probably walk away thinking what a boring, uninteresting, vapid person this is, with no hopes, dreams, opinions, ambition or thoughts on anything other than (presumably) dating and marriage (I probably would add the last despite the young lady following the authors admonishment to avoid relationships as a topic of conversation). The emphasis on form over substance is particularly shallow (by definition).
Something good? Well, the advice of not fantasizing the attentions and interest of a man who does not take any initiative or do any work in the relationship is a good idea. And given the people who I have known who don't seem to think the fact that I did not remember anything about a lady who I met a week prior to be a contraindication of substantial romantic interest, it probably is something worth saying and emphasizing. And also the repeated emphasis on a woman who desires romantic involvment have other things in her life like hobbies, community service, time with friends, interests, is good too (although there are a few points where the authors suggest that the suggestion of these things is more important then the reality). Also the point that they should view themselves as something valuable, and a relationship beyond friendship is not something to be given lightly.
But the biggest flaw (as I see) is that not all people (male and female) have the same desires in romantic/marital relationships. To contrast this with things like Gary Chapman The Five Love Languages or Neil Clark Warren Finding The Love Of Your Life, The Rules is aimed at women who want the romantic story type of relationship with the focus on gifts, and this type of woman will attract the type of guy who also wants that type of relationship right out of the movies. Someone who Chapman or Warren describe as showing or desiring love in other ways would be unsatisfied or may not even notice the woman who follows The Rules exists.
February 22, 2011
As a guy, I think I have a pretty unique perspective about this book. I enjoyed reading it since my ex girlfriend left it at my house after she broke up with me and moved out. Who knows if she left it there on purpose or not, but I felt I had to read it nonetheless. After reading it, many of the things she said and did made a lot more sense. I know she was playing by at least some of the rules because she had once told me that she could not do something or go somewhere because that would be breaking the rules (this before I knew the book existed).
Let me start by saying some of this book is very out of date! It refers to answering machines and letting your mother answer/screen the phone for you. If a woman still lives at home, odds are, I would not be dating her. There may be a more up to date version of this book out there though. I think text messaging, IM, email, and cell phones have made much of this book extremely outdated. I am not a fan of electronic leashes (cell phones) and our need for instant communication but it has become a necessary component of our modern world.
This book has SOME good advice. It has a lot of advice that makes a "rule follower" appear shallow and act like a bitch. I cannot cite specific examples as I lent the book to my sister and have never seen it again, but I do remember a few things. It suggests not accepting dates after a certain day of the week, even if you have nothing to do. I often do not know my work schedule until a day or two before the weekend. If I ask her out on Thursday and she says she is busy but when I ask her about her weekend later and she says she really did not do anything, I most likely will not be calling again.
My suggestion on this book is read it but use some common sense. Follow some of it but also think about how it will affect his perception you.
Let me start by saying some of this book is very out of date! It refers to answering machines and letting your mother answer/screen the phone for you. If a woman still lives at home, odds are, I would not be dating her. There may be a more up to date version of this book out there though. I think text messaging, IM, email, and cell phones have made much of this book extremely outdated. I am not a fan of electronic leashes (cell phones) and our need for instant communication but it has become a necessary component of our modern world.
This book has SOME good advice. It has a lot of advice that makes a "rule follower" appear shallow and act like a bitch. I cannot cite specific examples as I lent the book to my sister and have never seen it again, but I do remember a few things. It suggests not accepting dates after a certain day of the week, even if you have nothing to do. I often do not know my work schedule until a day or two before the weekend. If I ask her out on Thursday and she says she is busy but when I ask her about her weekend later and she says she really did not do anything, I most likely will not be calling again.
My suggestion on this book is read it but use some common sense. Follow some of it but also think about how it will affect his perception you.
July 16, 2014
The question below the box says: "Is this book told in the past, present, or future tense?" That doesn't apply since this book is pure fantasy: it's bad advice, badly given. Oh, to scrub my brain clean again.
In a nutshell: if the most important thing to you is landing a man, you should be able to manage it by means of deception and great effort. Warning: there is nothing about this that isn't doomed to backfire on you and make you far more miserable than you would be should you become the crazy cat-hoarding lady of popular myth. At least your cats would love the real you.
In a nutshell: if the most important thing to you is landing a man, you should be able to manage it by means of deception and great effort. Warning: there is nothing about this that isn't doomed to backfire on you and make you far more miserable than you would be should you become the crazy cat-hoarding lady of popular myth. At least your cats would love the real you.
July 11, 2010
This was my bible late in college when I find myself single for the first time in years! A great handbook for a single girl that truly teaches you how to play the "game". I even did an informative speech on the book for my upper level speech class in college and won over a lot of people. Although meant to be satirical (I like satire that also rings true), it really works - I got the ring to prove it!
December 6, 2016
Read it. Read it again. Give it to every young and/or single woman you know.
There is nothing worse than watching a man you're crazy about lose interest and start running away. Make it stop happening.
There is nothing worse than watching a man you're crazy about lose interest and start running away. Make it stop happening.
February 27, 2024
Hear me out! I think we should consider some of these ideas again.
As with many things, I think people simplify and purposely misunderstand this book. They say it's sexist, it's playing games, it's regressive, etc, etc. If you read this book line by line, follow it to a tee, and fail to consider that it was written in the strange and transitional time of the 90s, yes, it has a lot of weird stuff. But I think anyone reading this book today has the knowledge to know what to take and what to ignore.
At its core, this book intends to save women time and heartbreak. It urges women not to be desperate and to fill their lives with things they care about so men aren't the main thing that takes up their time. It also forbids women from wasting their time chasing men, making excuses for men, giving men endless love and favors, playing mother, playing therapist, and alllll the things that women do to try and get men to like them. Who does this benefit? Men! I don't see it as "anti-feminist" to go against this habit.
With some nuance and critical thinking in your hip pocket, this book can be a really helpful read. I'm looking forward to more fully incorporating *most* of these Rules into my dating life.
Edit a week later:
Here are some lessons from this book that I like the most for future reference.
1. Don't relentlessly pursue men.
2. Don't think that playing mom/therapist for men will make them like you.
3. Don't have sex with men to make them like you.
4. Don't pretend to be busy, be busy so dating isn't the first thing on your mind.
5. Only date men you're very attracted to.
etc etc
As with many things, I think people simplify and purposely misunderstand this book. They say it's sexist, it's playing games, it's regressive, etc, etc. If you read this book line by line, follow it to a tee, and fail to consider that it was written in the strange and transitional time of the 90s, yes, it has a lot of weird stuff. But I think anyone reading this book today has the knowledge to know what to take and what to ignore.
At its core, this book intends to save women time and heartbreak. It urges women not to be desperate and to fill their lives with things they care about so men aren't the main thing that takes up their time. It also forbids women from wasting their time chasing men, making excuses for men, giving men endless love and favors, playing mother, playing therapist, and alllll the things that women do to try and get men to like them. Who does this benefit? Men! I don't see it as "anti-feminist" to go against this habit.
With some nuance and critical thinking in your hip pocket, this book can be a really helpful read. I'm looking forward to more fully incorporating *most* of these Rules into my dating life.
Edit a week later:
Here are some lessons from this book that I like the most for future reference.
1. Don't relentlessly pursue men.
2. Don't think that playing mom/therapist for men will make them like you.
3. Don't have sex with men to make them like you.
4. Don't pretend to be busy, be busy so dating isn't the first thing on your mind.
5. Only date men you're very attracted to.
etc etc
Read
March 8, 2023Thank you Diane
February 15, 2013
I got this book the first time it was published and have used The Rules ever since. The purpose of these Rules is to teach women boundaries and self-respect, which are quickly forgotten once we get into a relationship. It's not about trying to be someone you're not or putting on a false personality. It gives a woman the ability to make up her mind and not go too fast in a relationship and it gives both parties the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful dance of courtship, which seems to have been forgotten since the 1960s. It seems we're in such a rush to manufacture intimacy with disclosing too much in the early stages of a relationship and hop into bed to seal the deal. The book is all about taking it in slow, measured steps and learning how to appreciate yourself in the context of a relationship. I'm a therapist and I highly recommend this book to women who want to learn how to date -- something males AND females have forgotten how to do. And The Rules WORK. Yes, they're challenging to do, but women who implement them get married -- the others get hurt.
February 18, 2009
I would recommend this to any woman/teenager who is actively dating that would put aside their skepticism on "old-fashioned" methods of dating or how cheesy the title may sound long enough to check this out.
Overall, I've found through semantic knowledge and a couple of experiences that the main message of the book is true far more often than not.
As well as helpful in understanding the dynamics on dating and proper nurturing of a long-term relationship/marriage, it's also an interesting look at the psychology of men, women and courtship.
Overall, I've found through semantic knowledge and a couple of experiences that the main message of the book is true far more often than not.
As well as helpful in understanding the dynamics on dating and proper nurturing of a long-term relationship/marriage, it's also an interesting look at the psychology of men, women and courtship.
June 3, 2009
Otherwise known as, "How to manipulate the man of your dreams into resenting you for the rest of your life."
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