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I Am Not a Number
The powerful and heart-wrenching new novel from Lisa Heathfield, award-winning author of Seed and Paper Butterflies. Perfect for fans of Sarah Crossan, Louise O'Neill and Lisa Williamson.
Ever since the Traditional party came into power, 15-year-old Ruby’s life has changed for the worse. Everything Ruby and her family and friends celebrate � equal rights for women, freedom of movement, individual expression � are forbidden. And things are getting worse . . .
Soon Ruby and her family find themselves taken to a prison camp far from home with no possessions, food or rights. Each person is allocated a number � Ruby is number 276. Forced into hard labour, starving and with friends and family going missing every day, Ruby knows she has to escape and let the world know what is happening. She has to somehow cling on to her identity, and fight back. The future depends on it.
Lisa Heathfield's other books:
Seed
9781405275385
Paper Butterflies
9781405275392
Flight of Starling
9781405285902
229 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 27, 2019
37 people are currently reading
2491 people want to read
About the author
Lisa Heathfield
7Ìýbooks267ÌýfollowersBefore becoming a mum to her three sons, Lisa Heathfield was a secondary school English teacher and loved inspiring teenagers to read.
Award-winning author Lisa Heathfield launched her career with SEED in 2015. Published by Egmont it is a stunning YA debut about a life in cult. PAPER BUTTERFLIES is her beautiful and heart-breaking second novel. FLIGHT OF A STARLING is another heart-breaking read with an important message.
Lisa lives in Brighton with her family.
Award-winning author Lisa Heathfield launched her career with SEED in 2015. Published by Egmont it is a stunning YA debut about a life in cult. PAPER BUTTERFLIES is her beautiful and heart-breaking second novel. FLIGHT OF A STARLING is another heart-breaking read with an important message.
Lisa lives in Brighton with her family.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 193 reviews
July 14, 2019
4.5 stars, rounded down.
This book was A LOT.
Whenever we learn about WW2 we always learn that history shouldn’t be repeated - but in this book it is.
It gives a whole new perspective on the holocaust, modernising it & making it feel more real than ever. It makes you truly understand what it’d have been like for them by using modern day examples of things.
All I can really say is that everyone should read this book because it really is a stark reminder that history CANNOT repeat itself.
Just bring tissues - a whole lot of tissues because I can’t even begin to count how many times this made me tear up.
This book was A LOT.
Whenever we learn about WW2 we always learn that history shouldn’t be repeated - but in this book it is.
It gives a whole new perspective on the holocaust, modernising it & making it feel more real than ever. It makes you truly understand what it’d have been like for them by using modern day examples of things.
All I can really say is that everyone should read this book because it really is a stark reminder that history CANNOT repeat itself.
Just bring tissues - a whole lot of tissues because I can’t even begin to count how many times this made me tear up.
August 22, 2019
With the state of the world we're currently living in, a world where Boris Johnson has somehow become prime minister of the UK, its so easy to see something like this coming to pass. Everyone is familiar with the atrocities that were carried out during the Second World War, and Heathfield has undoubtably taken license with that, to remind us all, that history should not be allowed to repeat itself.
I Am Not a Number centres on one family, their differing political beliefs, and their subsequent detainment at a reeducation camp. Heathfield carefully captures the descent from labour camp, to one with much more sinister connotations. The gradual build up of terror, totally believable. There are plenty of shocks and horrors along the way, without too many gruesome details, which built the tension nicely.
The narrator of the story was Ruby, a 15 year old, who was at times supremely irritating. Even with her life on the line, she was often more concerned about locking lips with her boyfriend. I do appreciate that as a teen, your hormones are a bit wilder, and your relationships a bit more obsessive. Having said that, she clearly lacked a little bit of emotional intelligence as her situation was obviously pretty dire, and she just couldn't seem to grasp the threat around her for a fair chunk of the book.
Have a tissue at the ready for this one, as there are plenty of weepy moments. I'd say it felt like an accurate representation of where the world could be heading, and is a definite reminder to be kind, and look out for your neighbours. A solid four star read.
I Am Not a Number centres on one family, their differing political beliefs, and their subsequent detainment at a reeducation camp. Heathfield carefully captures the descent from labour camp, to one with much more sinister connotations. The gradual build up of terror, totally believable. There are plenty of shocks and horrors along the way, without too many gruesome details, which built the tension nicely.
The narrator of the story was Ruby, a 15 year old, who was at times supremely irritating. Even with her life on the line, she was often more concerned about locking lips with her boyfriend. I do appreciate that as a teen, your hormones are a bit wilder, and your relationships a bit more obsessive. Having said that, she clearly lacked a little bit of emotional intelligence as her situation was obviously pretty dire, and she just couldn't seem to grasp the threat around her for a fair chunk of the book.
Have a tissue at the ready for this one, as there are plenty of weepy moments. I'd say it felt like an accurate representation of where the world could be heading, and is a definite reminder to be kind, and look out for your neighbours. A solid four star read.
July 8, 2019
A must-read book that shows people at both their best, and their worst.
Ruby has always been encouraged to value her opinion. She’s encouraged to make up her own mind about politics, and even when the Traditional Party get voted into power she imagines she will still be able to have her own views.
It begins quite innocuously with assemblies and an increased presence of those keen to uphold these traditional values. Slowly we start to see a clamping down on opportunities for people to dissent. Then, all too soon, Core supporters whose views are not welcome are herded together.
Taken from her home in the middle of the night Ruby is slowly adjusting to a life where she has no rights. Living in a modern-day concentration camp she is starved, forced to work and subject to brutal treatment. Like Ruby and those around her, we wonder how it can happen. But it does.
A chilling tale that shows just how easily the world we know can be changed, and just how vital it is for people to fight for others.
Ruby has always been encouraged to value her opinion. She’s encouraged to make up her own mind about politics, and even when the Traditional Party get voted into power she imagines she will still be able to have her own views.
It begins quite innocuously with assemblies and an increased presence of those keen to uphold these traditional values. Slowly we start to see a clamping down on opportunities for people to dissent. Then, all too soon, Core supporters whose views are not welcome are herded together.
Taken from her home in the middle of the night Ruby is slowly adjusting to a life where she has no rights. Living in a modern-day concentration camp she is starved, forced to work and subject to brutal treatment. Like Ruby and those around her, we wonder how it can happen. But it does.
A chilling tale that shows just how easily the world we know can be changed, and just how vital it is for people to fight for others.
June 30, 2020
OVERALL
I liked the idea of this book and think it could have been executed quite well. However, plot aside, I had way too many problems with the actual reading of the book that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I'm surprised it has as much stars as it does.
RUBY
As a protagonist, Ruby wasn't very likeable. To me, anyway. She just seemed too immature and annoying. They were stuck in a concentration camp and all she could do was be jealous that her boyfriend was talking to another girl. It was pathetic. Also she dragged too many people down with her that my blood boiled. Destiny, Darren and Aba all deserved better but Ruby's attempt to save the day claimed all of their lives.
RUBY AND LUKE
Their relationship made my blood boil! As teenagers in a high school relationship, they were acting like they'd been married for years and years. The fact that they were so connected to each other and obsessed with each others company that they were willing to put their family in danger just so they could hold hands or kiss or whatever. The way Ruby talked about Luke was so pathetic that I had to roll my eyes.
REALISTIC
This book wasn't very realistic, it must be said. The UK government works nothing like how the book said it did. Just because Germany worked like that a century ago doesn't mean you can use the same thing for modern day England. It just didn't work and the obvious plot holes were infuriating.
HAPPY ENDING
Another thing that was all too unrealistic about this book was the happy ending. I know it wasn't exactly happy, per say, because Ruby remained depressed and Destiny was scarred but the fact that they all managed to break out of the camp mostly unharmed with the help of a political party that isn't even in power and all because a girl wrote down her fathers number on a piece of paper. It just made too little sense to sit well with me
I liked the idea of this book and think it could have been executed quite well. However, plot aside, I had way too many problems with the actual reading of the book that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I'm surprised it has as much stars as it does.
RUBY
As a protagonist, Ruby wasn't very likeable. To me, anyway. She just seemed too immature and annoying. They were stuck in a concentration camp and all she could do was be jealous that her boyfriend was talking to another girl. It was pathetic. Also she dragged too many people down with her that my blood boiled. Destiny, Darren and Aba all deserved better but Ruby's attempt to save the day claimed all of their lives.
RUBY AND LUKE
Their relationship made my blood boil! As teenagers in a high school relationship, they were acting like they'd been married for years and years. The fact that they were so connected to each other and obsessed with each others company that they were willing to put their family in danger just so they could hold hands or kiss or whatever. The way Ruby talked about Luke was so pathetic that I had to roll my eyes.
REALISTIC
This book wasn't very realistic, it must be said. The UK government works nothing like how the book said it did. Just because Germany worked like that a century ago doesn't mean you can use the same thing for modern day England. It just didn't work and the obvious plot holes were infuriating.
HAPPY ENDING
Another thing that was all too unrealistic about this book was the happy ending. I know it wasn't exactly happy, per say, because Ruby remained depressed and Destiny was scarred but the fact that they all managed to break out of the camp mostly unharmed with the help of a political party that isn't even in power and all because a girl wrote down her fathers number on a piece of paper. It just made too little sense to sit well with me
January 23, 2024
I think this book can be used well in middle grade English class to teach kids about the Holocaust. Although this is fictional and not an accurate representation of it, it is inspired by it and also explains why the nationalists are doing what they're doing.
I rated it a 3 because I found the character of Ruby at times annoying, but I suppose her bravery bordering on idiocy is a good thing.
Or, the story of how absent fathers may serve a purpose after all.
I rated it a 3 because I found the character of Ruby at times annoying, but I suppose her bravery bordering on idiocy is a good thing.
Or, the story of how absent fathers may serve a purpose after all.
November 1, 2019
Even though I hadn't read this before, it feels very familiar. Could it be all the dystopians I've read over the years? Maybe it's because of the research the author mentions in her acknowledgements/author's note - about the Holocaust.
If you're wondering, does the lesbian character die?
Is there rape?
The most interesting aspect was kind of glossed over, which is a shame because the details of it are what we in real life need to know and enact - the chain of events set off by the note. We know what oppression is. But we don't know how to hold those in power accountable for their policies, their orders, and their actions. We don't know how to save masses of people from being abused by the police and military of their own government. We don't know how to free detainees from concentration camps. We don't know how to stop hate. We don't know how to stop people for voting for parties with hateful policies.
It's a wrenching read, and though there's a hopeful ending...I don't feel hopeful in real life. This book is a WARNING. It's not inspirational. Because it shouldn't be. There's nothing inspirational about living through fascism. It's eternal suffering, that may not have a happy ending, or even a shred of hope.
If you're wondering, does the lesbian character die?
Is there rape?
The most interesting aspect was kind of glossed over, which is a shame because the details of it are what we in real life need to know and enact - the chain of events set off by the note. We know what oppression is. But we don't know how to hold those in power accountable for their policies, their orders, and their actions. We don't know how to save masses of people from being abused by the police and military of their own government. We don't know how to free detainees from concentration camps. We don't know how to stop hate. We don't know how to stop people for voting for parties with hateful policies.
It's a wrenching read, and though there's a hopeful ending...I don't feel hopeful in real life. This book is a WARNING. It's not inspirational. Because it shouldn't be. There's nothing inspirational about living through fascism. It's eternal suffering, that may not have a happy ending, or even a shred of hope.
July 13, 2019
GOOSEBUMPS.
April 23, 2020
One of the best and most realistic YA dystopias I've read, this is much closer to what might really happen than we'd like to think. It's happened before and with fascist and racist parties gaining power in most countries, this is a real danger. As a novel it's a page-turner with an engaging narrator and well portrayed characters.
June 26, 2019
This book is amazing. It perfectly targets its audience fully conveying the relevance and importance of recognising and opposing extremism. The links to the holocaust are stark and relevant. It is so important to read books like this, books that get young people like myself to question society and our views, and understand their importance in the future of our world.
This book wrenched my heart out, caused tears to stream from my eyes and shattered my belief in humanity. Then it showed me how amazing people are and warmed my heart. That is what makes this book so good, that is why it's one of those books you want to start again as soon as you've finished.
I was lucky enough as to meet this author and I read this book in the same day. I hope that she continues to spread this book through the community, not just the young but the old and everyone in between.
This is one of those books people are going to talk about, aren't going to forget and won't be forgotten. You must read this book!
- I would highly recommend all her other books too :)
This book wrenched my heart out, caused tears to stream from my eyes and shattered my belief in humanity. Then it showed me how amazing people are and warmed my heart. That is what makes this book so good, that is why it's one of those books you want to start again as soon as you've finished.
I was lucky enough as to meet this author and I read this book in the same day. I hope that she continues to spread this book through the community, not just the young but the old and everyone in between.
This is one of those books people are going to talk about, aren't going to forget and won't be forgotten. You must read this book!
- I would highly recommend all her other books too :)
May 1, 2020
The story and premise of this book was great, there’s no denying that. It hooked me in and it was thought provoking but, and there’s a huge but, I really hated the writing style. Now I’m sure Lisa Heathfield is a great author but I found the writing style really clunky and grating. Some of the descriptions made me physically cringe and some were hankering for philosophical but clashing with the rest. I’m not sure if I’m just out-growing YA or if it was just this book but the simplistic nature just wasn’t my jam. Also, I found Ruby’s obsession with Luke just *too much.* Okay, I get they were in love but her feelings seemed obsessional and as if she couldn’t be her own person without him. Granted, it did make for a more powerful twist near the end but that could have still been created without her obsession
Overall: Great premise, not so great writing style
Overall: Great premise, not so great writing style
August 18, 2019
An interesting story for young adults because it shows how a "holocaust" can arise. In this case society has been divided into two groups; conservative "Trads" who follow the Traditional party which is in power and the more liberal "Codes". The story is told by 15 year old Ruby who is incarcerated in a concentration camp with the other Codes where they are brutally treated to try and change their thinking.
February 27, 2020
Utterly, tragically, terrifying.
I’ve read a lot of crime novels and thrillers lately - but none of them have been quite as terrifying as I Am Not A Number. A truly heartbreaking book that echoes the atrocities of the Holocaust and Hitler’s concentration camps, with the underlying terror of just how easy it could be to get that place again. Thought provoking, this book will stay with you long after you’ve finished.
I’ve read a lot of crime novels and thrillers lately - but none of them have been quite as terrifying as I Am Not A Number. A truly heartbreaking book that echoes the atrocities of the Holocaust and Hitler’s concentration camps, with the underlying terror of just how easy it could be to get that place again. Thought provoking, this book will stay with you long after you’ve finished.
May 28, 2020
everyone needs to read this book. that is all.
April 19, 2020
Wow wow and triple wow. I started this last night...and finished it last night...all in one sitting. That is an extremely rare occurrence for me! I Am Not a Number was so utterly gripping, right from the initial page. The plausibility of it all made it even more gritty; the idea that something like that could genuinely happen tomorrow. With definite Holocaust roots and tinges of The Handmaid's Tale, it was an emotional, powerful and ultimately harrowing read
July 17, 2020
This is one book that is worth reading. Lisa Heathfield is an excellent author that I stubbed across in the last 6 months (2020) and writes about very important matters, somehow making them relevant to us. The politics in this book represent the extremism and the ideas of the Nazi Party back in 1930’a Europe. It is a very intense read, but one that you don’t want to put down. Somehow, the tension keeps building up and up to beyond human decency and the oppressors in this book are portrayed as almost innocent and good intentioned at first, but as the book progresses it becomes hard to believe that they could have the heart to do the terrible things then commit. It makes the Holocaust relevant to us, especially teenagers/young adults, in 2020 and how politics and extreme ideas could and have been very dangerous.
It’s about a girl who is in year 11 (age 16) in UK and there are two parties: the Core Party and the Traditional Party. The latter is representative of the Nazi party as they had very traditional views. All of a sudden, with a misleading campaign, the Traditionals are voted in and sexism, homophobia, racism and discrimination all surge. Guns on the street, indoctrination, misleading propaganda, terrorising and then one night, taking Core supporters in the night.
We take a lot of things for granted- the security of our home, family, education, mobile phones and other privileges. But have you ever wondered whether a group of people with crazy ideas you take that away instantaneously. We don’t have to struggle for a hog shower, clean clothes, potable water and food, but this book made me realise that we ought to be really grateful for the things we have as 1930’s Germany and still many places around the world today have to face problems that have never occurred to us.
An amazing read and very insightful and cleverly crafted. Heathfield’s other books are also amazing. To dates I have only read her Paper Butterfiles, but just from those two books I think this author is great.
Hope you enjoy,
Daniel Ernest
It’s about a girl who is in year 11 (age 16) in UK and there are two parties: the Core Party and the Traditional Party. The latter is representative of the Nazi party as they had very traditional views. All of a sudden, with a misleading campaign, the Traditionals are voted in and sexism, homophobia, racism and discrimination all surge. Guns on the street, indoctrination, misleading propaganda, terrorising and then one night, taking Core supporters in the night.
We take a lot of things for granted- the security of our home, family, education, mobile phones and other privileges. But have you ever wondered whether a group of people with crazy ideas you take that away instantaneously. We don’t have to struggle for a hog shower, clean clothes, potable water and food, but this book made me realise that we ought to be really grateful for the things we have as 1930’s Germany and still many places around the world today have to face problems that have never occurred to us.
An amazing read and very insightful and cleverly crafted. Heathfield’s other books are also amazing. To dates I have only read her Paper Butterfiles, but just from those two books I think this author is great.
Hope you enjoy,
Daniel Ernest
January 5, 2021
4.75/5â� Could not put this book down.
A heartbreaking, but crucial read.
This YA Novel was utterly gripping, I can't stop thinking about it. Throughout I just kept thinking about the concentration camps. The story is very similar to the horrors that people faced not so long ago and it's just unimaginable.
In I am Not a Number, I felt so much anger for these characters. Anger that people are being treated so inhumanely, and angry at the characters who do not see how wrong it is. You get to see the absolute worst or humanity, and what is so scary is this has happened in the past, and it could happen again.
This book shows the extreme political views from the "traditionalist party" who have just been voted in, and they want everyone who doesn't believe in their policies to be punished. They start trying to control people and scare people with armed guards on the streets. Eventually they start a secret prison camp to take people who do not share their views. They are absolutely horrible and vile to the opposite party the "core supporters." The traditionalists take all of their freedom away and try to strip them of everything and treat them like they are nothing. They even want to experiment on children and adults in the camp and medically alter them to think the way they do.
Warning, this book is an emotional one, but amongst all the horror you get to see strength and love and how it's so important to not lose your humanity. History cannot repeat itself. Be kind, look out for each other, have the strength and courage to speak out when something isn't right.
Brilliant writing throughout, that left me completely hooked although so difficult to read. Very important, with crucial lessons and it really makes you think about the future and the past. It was an emotional read throughout and I did cry at the end.
Remember "prejudice is poison."
Trigger/Content warnings: Murder,death, violence, homophobia, extreme political prejudice and discrimination.
A heartbreaking, but crucial read.
This YA Novel was utterly gripping, I can't stop thinking about it. Throughout I just kept thinking about the concentration camps. The story is very similar to the horrors that people faced not so long ago and it's just unimaginable.
In I am Not a Number, I felt so much anger for these characters. Anger that people are being treated so inhumanely, and angry at the characters who do not see how wrong it is. You get to see the absolute worst or humanity, and what is so scary is this has happened in the past, and it could happen again.
This book shows the extreme political views from the "traditionalist party" who have just been voted in, and they want everyone who doesn't believe in their policies to be punished. They start trying to control people and scare people with armed guards on the streets. Eventually they start a secret prison camp to take people who do not share their views. They are absolutely horrible and vile to the opposite party the "core supporters." The traditionalists take all of their freedom away and try to strip them of everything and treat them like they are nothing. They even want to experiment on children and adults in the camp and medically alter them to think the way they do.
Warning, this book is an emotional one, but amongst all the horror you get to see strength and love and how it's so important to not lose your humanity. History cannot repeat itself. Be kind, look out for each other, have the strength and courage to speak out when something isn't right.
Brilliant writing throughout, that left me completely hooked although so difficult to read. Very important, with crucial lessons and it really makes you think about the future and the past. It was an emotional read throughout and I did cry at the end.
Remember "prejudice is poison."
Trigger/Content warnings: Murder,death, violence, homophobia, extreme political prejudice and discrimination.
June 7, 2019
I Am Not A Number is a politically charged book that thrills with tension. A ‘The Handmaid's Tale� for teens, it is inspired by the holocaust and the current rise in fascism. Reading Ruby's story is all the more terrifying because it poses the question of whether it could happen today.
I Am Not A Number has all of Lisa's trademark harrowing grittiness and the stunning, award-winning writing that has gained her so many fans. It is not easy to read about the prejudice and the terrifying events that occur in the camp but we don’t pick up Lisa Heathfield’s books for an easy read. We turn to them to have our eyes opened and to see inside the darkness. To see through the fake news and behind the gloss and filters to the bitter truth of prejudice and division. Lisa's books make us contemplate a future out of our control, and help us to understand the darker realities of our world and what we need to do to change them.
Ultimately, I Am Not A Number is about the power of hope and is a celebration of the inspirational young people who are standing up to prejudice and are campaigning for a better more inclusive future. It shines a light in the darkness of political campaigns filled with hatred, fake news, and segregation, and offers another option. One of hope and a future of compassion and equality.
Just remember to breathe while reading!
I Am Not A Number has all of Lisa's trademark harrowing grittiness and the stunning, award-winning writing that has gained her so many fans. It is not easy to read about the prejudice and the terrifying events that occur in the camp but we don’t pick up Lisa Heathfield’s books for an easy read. We turn to them to have our eyes opened and to see inside the darkness. To see through the fake news and behind the gloss and filters to the bitter truth of prejudice and division. Lisa's books make us contemplate a future out of our control, and help us to understand the darker realities of our world and what we need to do to change them.
Ultimately, I Am Not A Number is about the power of hope and is a celebration of the inspirational young people who are standing up to prejudice and are campaigning for a better more inclusive future. It shines a light in the darkness of political campaigns filled with hatred, fake news, and segregation, and offers another option. One of hope and a future of compassion and equality.
Just remember to breathe while reading!
August 26, 2019
I borrowed this from my daughter as I had run out of things to read on holiday. Well, I'm not a teenager so I'm not the target audience but really this was dire. The storyline - in so far as there was one - was more full of holes than a piece of swiss cheese nibbled on by a horde of mice. The book is set in the UK after some sort of autocratic nationalist political party wins a general election. Immediately the new government chucks people into concentration camps without trial and carries out summary executions. When one character objects they are told that since this party won the election they can do what they like. Errr - no, that is not how the UK system works. Once in the concentration camp nothing much happens - except for people being horrible to each other. No character development, no plot lines moving things forward. Awful. And the "happy ending" was so unbelievable that I could not believe that it had made it into print with a serious publisher.
It is not often I say this about a book as most have redeeming features of some kind. But don't bother reading this. I wish I had not.
It is not often I say this about a book as most have redeeming features of some kind. But don't bother reading this. I wish I had not.
February 18, 2021
A modern day retelling of the Holocaust. This book is set in the present day in a world where a political party takes over and splits the nation, imprisoning those who they deem undesirable in a work camp.
The camp is very reminiscent of a concentration camp, very little food, hard labour, brutal punishment, roll call and experimentation.
I did really enjoy this, and am giving it 5 stars because I do particularly enjoy things about the holocaust but I felt uneasy about this for about half of the book.
I felt like it was TOO similar, and couldn't put my finger on whether this was supposed to be an original idea or a complete mirror of the actual event. There was very little difference between the modern day account and the past, other than there was no mention of gas Chambers and children weren't murdered (think this could have been because this was a YA and maybe the author thought that would be too upsetting for the young audience).
That being said, it's very fast paced, very nerve wracking and very interesting to see a modern take on a historical event. Go into it expecting to see a Holocaust novel and you won't be disappointed.
The camp is very reminiscent of a concentration camp, very little food, hard labour, brutal punishment, roll call and experimentation.
I did really enjoy this, and am giving it 5 stars because I do particularly enjoy things about the holocaust but I felt uneasy about this for about half of the book.
I felt like it was TOO similar, and couldn't put my finger on whether this was supposed to be an original idea or a complete mirror of the actual event. There was very little difference between the modern day account and the past, other than there was no mention of gas Chambers and children weren't murdered (think this could have been because this was a YA and maybe the author thought that would be too upsetting for the young audience).
That being said, it's very fast paced, very nerve wracking and very interesting to see a modern take on a historical event. Go into it expecting to see a Holocaust novel and you won't be disappointed.
January 6, 2022
I’ve never cried at the end of a book. NEVER. Not even teared up but this book, Jesus Christ it’s torn me apart. We hear all about the concentration camps and whist it’s sad. You never see much beyond a documentary old person talking. This though. Putting names, faces, experiences onto these survivors has the water gates flooding. You’d think it would be a boring book with the amount or repetition of daily tasks but I was glued, waiting, hoping for them to get out. The pacing was amazing, the story was incredible and the ending was so sad, yet was also so comforting.
January 20, 2022
Everyone should read this. It made me cry and laugh and feel everything. The relationship between all the characters was beautiful and the character development of the main character was amazing to see.
July 4, 2019
This book deserves all the stars. Don't read in public. Part of me wishes I never read it, part me wants every decent person in the world to read it.
June 27, 2019
The Traditional Party has been voted in. Ruby doesn't think her life will change too much, but her mother and stepfather aren't sure. There are more soldiers in the street, making sure that women are wearing decent clothes and that there are no lewd displays of affection, like holding hands. Then there are arm bands. Then, in the middle of the night, the buses come...
Lisa Heathfield has a gift for tackling difficult subjects in ways that children can understand. She's already taken on cults and parental abuse; in this new book her topics are nationalism and the Holocaust, obliquely. By subjecting her heroine Ruby to horrors that actually happened to prisoners in the concentration camps, Lisa shows how easy it is to fall prey to othering, and how destructive it can be. The increasing dehumanisation of Ruby and the other inmates is very difficult to read, but it's worth it if it starts conversations about this topic.
I'm also very impressed, as I often am with cult novels, at just how easy it is to alter people's thinking, especially childrens', when you control the narrative. Ruby's sister sees everything that's happening, she knows exactly how they're being treated, but because the guards give her extra biscuits she believes everything they're telling her about their political rivals.
The only thing I would have liked is more information or background on the guards. We learn a little bit about the camp commander, but the rest of the guards are an indistinguishable mass of hatred and anger. No one ever even learns any of their names. I would have liked to know how they came to think this was acceptable. But that's a tiny gripe in an otherwise gripping novel.
This isn't the only book of this type I've read, but in the others the camps are usually for people of a particular race, or religion, or skin colour. In this one, it's strictly along ideological lines, and I can't decide if that's more or less scary; that the people doing this to Ruby and the others probably looked just like them. It's a terrifying, but very important, read.
"You'll learn discipline," the guard says. "You'll run the length of the line and back until I tell you to stop."
"Run?" I'm not at school. Why do they want me to run?
"You haven't heard me properly?" The guard steps closer and raises his whip until it's touching my cheek. "I could help by cleaning out your ears with this."
"Run, for God's sake, Ruby," I hear Mum say.
The line of leather presses into my skin.
"Fine," I say, but I don't look at my mum as I know she'll see the fear i'm trying to hide. I won't look at any of them.
I feel every set of eyes on me as I pass, so I focus on the world beyond the fence. In the distance is a mountain and I look at that. I force myself to see how it doesn't peak in a spike. Maybe it's not a proper mountain but it's more than a hill. It's round at the top and joins another, smaller one. They seem very safe. I imagine myself sitting there, hidden among their shape.
My feet pound the wet ground. It's concrete, so it's easier to get a rhythm. At the end I turn around. this way I can see the entrance to the camp. The fence is high, its barbed wire telling me everything. I hadn't noticed the watchtower close to the gate, but it's clear as anything now.There's a guard in it and the silhouette of a gun.
I concentrate on Mum's face as I run back down the line. Her eyes are wild with anger, but her face is stone. Darren holds tight to her hand and he nods at me and says something, but I don't hear it. It's enough though. He's willing me on and it gives me strength.
I know I run past Luke, but I'm too embarrassed to look at him. I'm sweaty and soaked and I know he loves me whatever, but I don't want him to see me like this. I'll have to run past him again and again, looking worse and worse, until the pig of a guard says I can stop.
My legs are beginning to burn as I turn at the end, facing the mountain again. I wish I could look more to the sky but the rain isn't stopping. So I keep going. Running on. Trying to count the sound of my feet on the ground.
"You can do this, Ruby." This time I catch Darren's words and I use them as fuel.
I'm thirsty, but the water falling on me isn't enough.
The guard doesn't tell me it's over. I've never been good at running far and my lungs feel filled with fire. Someone has lit a match in them and now every breath sparks new flames. A stitch is gripping my side.
I'm sure the rain is weakening.
But now they'll be able to see that I'm crying.
I don't mean to but I look at Luke as I pass. I wish I hadn't. It's hopeless despair on his face. His dad is holding his arm, as if stopping him from trying to help me. I won't look at him again. It's made my heart hurt worse and my tears now are for more than just agony and exhaustion and hunger.
A guard grabs me by the shoulder. I collapse into him and he wipes me away like a piece of dirt.
"You may stop," he says, pushing me back into the line between a child and an older man. "Have you learned your lesson?"
I nod, hardly able to hold my head straight.
"I didn't hear your answer," the guard shouts. "Maybe you'd like to run again? Or have you learned your lesson?"
"Yes," I say. My voice squeezes out through my spiky breathing.
"Good."
When he walks away, the man next to me puts out his arm to hold me up.
"You did well," he whispers as finally the rain begins to dry.
Lisa Heathfield has a gift for tackling difficult subjects in ways that children can understand. She's already taken on cults and parental abuse; in this new book her topics are nationalism and the Holocaust, obliquely. By subjecting her heroine Ruby to horrors that actually happened to prisoners in the concentration camps, Lisa shows how easy it is to fall prey to othering, and how destructive it can be. The increasing dehumanisation of Ruby and the other inmates is very difficult to read, but it's worth it if it starts conversations about this topic.
I'm also very impressed, as I often am with cult novels, at just how easy it is to alter people's thinking, especially childrens', when you control the narrative. Ruby's sister sees everything that's happening, she knows exactly how they're being treated, but because the guards give her extra biscuits she believes everything they're telling her about their political rivals.
The only thing I would have liked is more information or background on the guards. We learn a little bit about the camp commander, but the rest of the guards are an indistinguishable mass of hatred and anger. No one ever even learns any of their names. I would have liked to know how they came to think this was acceptable. But that's a tiny gripe in an otherwise gripping novel.
This isn't the only book of this type I've read, but in the others the camps are usually for people of a particular race, or religion, or skin colour. In this one, it's strictly along ideological lines, and I can't decide if that's more or less scary; that the people doing this to Ruby and the others probably looked just like them. It's a terrifying, but very important, read.
"You'll learn discipline," the guard says. "You'll run the length of the line and back until I tell you to stop."
"Run?" I'm not at school. Why do they want me to run?
"You haven't heard me properly?" The guard steps closer and raises his whip until it's touching my cheek. "I could help by cleaning out your ears with this."
"Run, for God's sake, Ruby," I hear Mum say.
The line of leather presses into my skin.
"Fine," I say, but I don't look at my mum as I know she'll see the fear i'm trying to hide. I won't look at any of them.
I feel every set of eyes on me as I pass, so I focus on the world beyond the fence. In the distance is a mountain and I look at that. I force myself to see how it doesn't peak in a spike. Maybe it's not a proper mountain but it's more than a hill. It's round at the top and joins another, smaller one. They seem very safe. I imagine myself sitting there, hidden among their shape.
My feet pound the wet ground. It's concrete, so it's easier to get a rhythm. At the end I turn around. this way I can see the entrance to the camp. The fence is high, its barbed wire telling me everything. I hadn't noticed the watchtower close to the gate, but it's clear as anything now.There's a guard in it and the silhouette of a gun.
I concentrate on Mum's face as I run back down the line. Her eyes are wild with anger, but her face is stone. Darren holds tight to her hand and he nods at me and says something, but I don't hear it. It's enough though. He's willing me on and it gives me strength.
I know I run past Luke, but I'm too embarrassed to look at him. I'm sweaty and soaked and I know he loves me whatever, but I don't want him to see me like this. I'll have to run past him again and again, looking worse and worse, until the pig of a guard says I can stop.
My legs are beginning to burn as I turn at the end, facing the mountain again. I wish I could look more to the sky but the rain isn't stopping. So I keep going. Running on. Trying to count the sound of my feet on the ground.
"You can do this, Ruby." This time I catch Darren's words and I use them as fuel.
I'm thirsty, but the water falling on me isn't enough.
The guard doesn't tell me it's over. I've never been good at running far and my lungs feel filled with fire. Someone has lit a match in them and now every breath sparks new flames. A stitch is gripping my side.
I'm sure the rain is weakening.
But now they'll be able to see that I'm crying.
I don't mean to but I look at Luke as I pass. I wish I hadn't. It's hopeless despair on his face. His dad is holding his arm, as if stopping him from trying to help me. I won't look at him again. It's made my heart hurt worse and my tears now are for more than just agony and exhaustion and hunger.
A guard grabs me by the shoulder. I collapse into him and he wipes me away like a piece of dirt.
"You may stop," he says, pushing me back into the line between a child and an older man. "Have you learned your lesson?"
I nod, hardly able to hold my head straight.
"I didn't hear your answer," the guard shouts. "Maybe you'd like to run again? Or have you learned your lesson?"
"Yes," I say. My voice squeezes out through my spiky breathing.
"Good."
When he walks away, the man next to me puts out his arm to hold me up.
"You did well," he whispers as finally the rain begins to dry.
May 7, 2020
Read the full review and many more at my blog:
This book was A LOT.
It follows a 15 year old called Ruby and her family as they are sent to a re-education camp in what seems to be a futuristic Britain (I was a little confused.) This was a pretty original storyline� although the author seemed to have just PG’d so many aspects of the Holocaust that I wasn’t sure why she hadn’t set it in Nazi Germany. But the whole ‘dystopian England� thing was a fresh take, and I thought that some of the characters were really well written. Key word: SOME.
Ruby really irritated me sometimes. I thought that her reaction to what happened to her was realistic � which was nice for a change. She acted how a 15 year old honestly would! Although the author may have got a bit too excited with the whole 15 year old girl thing, seeing as there were whole pages dedicated to how worried Ruby was that her boyfriend was making eyes at another girl. And I get that she may have been occupied with that in another setting but seriously. Priorities!
That leads me onto my next point � I’m honestly not sure what the age range for ‘I Am Not A Number� is. As we’ve already established, Ruby is 15, so you’d think that it was aimed at 11 or 12 year olds. And yeah, it was a bit tame for a YA but by the end this book was CLEARLY not for 11 year olds. (I was slightly traumatised by the end.) The back did say ‘Contains Adult Themes�, but this can literally mean anything�
My Top Tips For Translating ‘Contains Adult Themes�
Go off the size. If the warning is literally in the tiniest font, covered by the barcode (and generally published by someone like ‘Puffin�) the book may have a side character in a relationship, but otherwise you should be safe. HOWEVER, if the warning is larger, by a more well known YA author or the title hints at Not So Fun Stuff (I really should have thought about this before buying ‘All the Places I’ve Cried in Public�), you have been warned.
I also wasn’t sure exactly where ‘I am Not a Number� is set. At first, I just assumed your typical dystopian YA setting (see The Extinction Trails) but this sort of fell apart after the first Harry Potter mention. Yes, you heard me correctly. And then the author seemed to make up her mind about the setting and we were getting Cornwall holidays and 2000s bands all over the place. I guess introducing it slowly was a good way to build up the setting but I still want my post apocalyptic wasteland! 😦
Finally, what I most liked about this book was honestly how terrifyingly close to home it hit. Despite moaning about all the Harry Potter references (ugh) , this future version of England truly seemed only a few dodgy governments away and it really worked. I also loved a lot else, from how much diversity was represented, to the citations at the start of the chapters and the surprisingly inspirational quotes throughout. So, in spite of preferring a stronger story line and maybe a bit less ‘teenage-ness�, I want to try Lisa Heathfield’s other book Paper Butterflies and I honestly enjoyed I Am Not a Number. I think you will too.
Read the full review and many more at my blog:
This book was A LOT.
It follows a 15 year old called Ruby and her family as they are sent to a re-education camp in what seems to be a futuristic Britain (I was a little confused.) This was a pretty original storyline� although the author seemed to have just PG’d so many aspects of the Holocaust that I wasn’t sure why she hadn’t set it in Nazi Germany. But the whole ‘dystopian England� thing was a fresh take, and I thought that some of the characters were really well written. Key word: SOME.
Ruby really irritated me sometimes. I thought that her reaction to what happened to her was realistic � which was nice for a change. She acted how a 15 year old honestly would! Although the author may have got a bit too excited with the whole 15 year old girl thing, seeing as there were whole pages dedicated to how worried Ruby was that her boyfriend was making eyes at another girl. And I get that she may have been occupied with that in another setting but seriously. Priorities!
That leads me onto my next point � I’m honestly not sure what the age range for ‘I Am Not A Number� is. As we’ve already established, Ruby is 15, so you’d think that it was aimed at 11 or 12 year olds. And yeah, it was a bit tame for a YA but by the end this book was CLEARLY not for 11 year olds. (I was slightly traumatised by the end.) The back did say ‘Contains Adult Themes�, but this can literally mean anything�
My Top Tips For Translating ‘Contains Adult Themes�
Go off the size. If the warning is literally in the tiniest font, covered by the barcode (and generally published by someone like ‘Puffin�) the book may have a side character in a relationship, but otherwise you should be safe. HOWEVER, if the warning is larger, by a more well known YA author or the title hints at Not So Fun Stuff (I really should have thought about this before buying ‘All the Places I’ve Cried in Public�), you have been warned.
I also wasn’t sure exactly where ‘I am Not a Number� is set. At first, I just assumed your typical dystopian YA setting (see The Extinction Trails) but this sort of fell apart after the first Harry Potter mention. Yes, you heard me correctly. And then the author seemed to make up her mind about the setting and we were getting Cornwall holidays and 2000s bands all over the place. I guess introducing it slowly was a good way to build up the setting but I still want my post apocalyptic wasteland! 😦
Finally, what I most liked about this book was honestly how terrifyingly close to home it hit. Despite moaning about all the Harry Potter references (ugh) , this future version of England truly seemed only a few dodgy governments away and it really worked. I also loved a lot else, from how much diversity was represented, to the citations at the start of the chapters and the surprisingly inspirational quotes throughout. So, in spite of preferring a stronger story line and maybe a bit less ‘teenage-ness�, I want to try Lisa Heathfield’s other book Paper Butterflies and I honestly enjoyed I Am Not a Number. I think you will too.
Read the full review and many more at my blog:
September 8, 2020
Ruby is a fifteen year old teenage girl stuck in a political war. I found her interesting because of her never give up attitude that never fails to astound the world around her. Even in the toughest of times and the most horrific of situations she kept her head held high and voiced her beliefs. This is very brave as most people are killed or tortured because of this. But not even the threat of death stops her from doing what is right. This is tough for most to do but for a 15 year old girl this is extremely brave and a bit naive.
“There's a blackthorn bush that Connor and I found. We're going to hide behind it and dig our way out� This is a quote I like as it shows her never give up attitude and that she is brave enough to try and escape. This also shows that she has hope which is rare in the traditionalist ruled country. She has hope when many others do not. This quote is memorable to me because it shows that even in kill or get killed times, she has the ability to trust someone with this information.
In this book I learnt that many people like the way it used to be, when women were in the home and the men were doing the hard labour. I had never thought that a whole political party could manipulate the voters so much into submission. Another thing that I learnt was that there will always be someone that has different views and opinions to someone else. This is shown throughout the text as riots, protests and abuse breaks out between the very segregated groups of people. People stop seeing their friends and family, neighbors, teachers and students and see the color their party represents, their blinded by societies political views and don't understand the problems drowning their nice, non-judgmental, cultural, modern, inclusive neighbourhood.
“There's a blackthorn bush that Connor and I found. We're going to hide behind it and dig our way out� This is a quote I like as it shows her never give up attitude and that she is brave enough to try and escape. This also shows that she has hope which is rare in the traditionalist ruled country. She has hope when many others do not. This quote is memorable to me because it shows that even in kill or get killed times, she has the ability to trust someone with this information.
In this book I learnt that many people like the way it used to be, when women were in the home and the men were doing the hard labour. I had never thought that a whole political party could manipulate the voters so much into submission. Another thing that I learnt was that there will always be someone that has different views and opinions to someone else. This is shown throughout the text as riots, protests and abuse breaks out between the very segregated groups of people. People stop seeing their friends and family, neighbors, teachers and students and see the color their party represents, their blinded by societies political views and don't understand the problems drowning their nice, non-judgmental, cultural, modern, inclusive neighbourhood.
August 7, 2019
The Traditional Party have won the election and are determined to bring in new laws to control everyone. Anyone who opposes them is punished. Lisa and her family, members of the opposition Core Party, find themselves taken to a prison camp where they are indoctrinated and tortured. An extremely grim and hard-hitting novel that, at times, feels only too real and believable. Totally unputdownable but definitely a YA book!
March 5, 2021
such a good book, I’m so glad it had a happy ending. I was really routing for all the characters and I’m happy with the end result. I’m sad over the characters lost but recommend to anyone to read this! Shows how much our society has changed. For such a small author I found her book amazing.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 2, 2025
Not usually a book genre I would read, but glad i did. the topics are dark, as this book discusses a modern holocaust situation, a respectful view on the topic and how history can repeat itself. inspired to keep fighting for more peace and less hate!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 25, 2022
I was hoping to love this book and be itching for the next page but I wasn’t. It’s pretty much based on Nazi Germany but made more modern so it was very predictable. It was well written and the detail wasn’t too overpowering
October 6, 2022
darren can fly
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