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Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters
Whether it's a bad relationship, a dead-end career, or a harmful habit, Dr. McGraw's 10 Life Laws will empower you to take responsibility for your own actions and break free from self-destructive patterns. Drawing upon more than fifteen years of experience, Dr. McGraw explores each of the 10 Life Laws necessary to succeed:
Life Law #1: You either get it, or you don't.
Strategy: Become one of those who gets it.
Life Law #2: You create your own experience.
Strategy: Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life.
Life Law #3: People do what works.
Strategy: Identify the payoffs that drive your behavior and that of others.
Life Law #4: You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
Strategy: Get real with yourself about your life and everybody in it.
Life Law #5: Life rewards action.
Strategy: Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger.
Life Law #6: There is no reality; only perception.
Strategy: Identify the filters through which you view the world.
Life Law #7: Life is managed; it is not cured.
Strategy: Learn to take charge of your life.
Life Law #8: We teach people how to treat us.
Strategy: Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you.
Life Law #9: There is power in forgiveness.
Strategy: Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you.
Life Law #10: You have to name it before you can claim it.
Strategy: Get clear about what you want and take your turn.
384 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1999
167 people are currently reading
3,737 people want to read
About the author
Phillip C. McGraw
83books517followersPhillip Calvin McGraw, best known as Dr. Phil, is an American television personality, psychologist and author who is the host of the psychology themed television show Dr. Phil. He gained celebrity status following appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 131 reviews
June 16, 2016
This is one of those books that I'm not going to finish. And I'm one of those compulsive 'gotta finish it' kind of people that usually waste too much time on books I'm giving the benefit of the doubt, hoping to find at least a little bit of value in.
But this book... I could, but I won't. I'm just going to save myself the trouble and the time. And I'm
Able to do that because from what I've read I already know that I highly disagree with the premise of this book and the ground perspective of the author.
Here's why:
I'm a spiritual kind of girl. I believe in universal laws, like the law of attraction and karma and stuff. I believe humans have an ego that is fear based and that is often at odds with our souls agenda and wisdom. The ego thrives on fear, competition, separation, division and conflict. The soul operates from a state of unity and oneness and peace and wisdom and love and kindness. The grace of the spiritual can be fierce and difficult and challenging but it is kind and it always promotes growth.
This book is ego driven.
Dr. Phil talks about how the world is a competition and how to learn to manipulate other peoples and your own experience to get somewhere and to do whatever it takes: whatever works. He talks about a game of winners and losers, and if you're not the winner, that means you're the loser.
That is the egos game. That is the game lots of people play, in which everybody loses (not ultimately, because even when we lose, we win. Ultimately we can only win, because we can't escape what we are, as souls, as beings of light. But humanity can lose. Earth can lose. If we keep relating from an egoic state of mind.)
I'm not interested in playing the ego game and therefore I am not interested in reading any more of this book. I'm not here to play the ego game: I know already it doesn't work. I'm on a completely different path.
McGraw and I simply disagree on the basic premise and purpose of life.
The potentially dangerous and confusing thing is that McGraw takes concepts or rules that holds some truth and are close to the spiritual laws and twists them around to fit the ego game and the egos purpose. So some of the strategies he sets forth can actually bring about an effect. The danger (in my eyes) is if it leads to more ego driven behavior, if it serves the purpose of division, if it is misused. That is always a risk since egos are clever and it takes anything that serves it's purpose in upholding a state of separation and uses it to that end.
For example, it's true that you can learn how other people work and then manipulate them to your own benefit. You can also use your mask, how you present yourself and what you do, to manipulate or deceive others. Of course your behavior and attitude has an effect. You can play the wolf game, be nice and sincere until your target is close enough and then wolf them down, eat them, destroy them, come out the 'winner'.
BUT... Is that really how you want to be and act? Is that really how you want to treat other people? Do you really want to play this game, this way? Or do you want to use your knowledge, power and skills to heal, yourself and others? To take note of how others behavior affects you, more than how you affect them, so you can hold onto your peace, not so you can manipulate their behavior?
I know how I want to live, I know these basic spiritual laws, and I also know how to use them for peace for healing, not for destruction and selfishness.
So be careful you are not mislead down a path that leads you where you don't want to go. Because some of what McGraw says might resonate with your intuition of what's true, and you might start following blindly.
We all must use our own judgement and intuition to discern the truth, and here it was just clear to me that this guy really operates from ego, and his goals go completely counter to mine, so whatever he says that could or is on some level true is used for an aim that is at odds with mine. Actually, counter to mine.
As an example, McGraw states this at one point: don't believe me- see and decide for yourself. This is sort of a 'rule' in spirituality: everybody is their own judge and needs to discover for themselves. You can have help and guides, but be careful not to get a guide that is caught by their ego and that takes the stand of an authority, taking away your power.
Your power is yours.
You find out what's true.
Anyhow McGraw says this, but what he does is a completely different thing. He claims authority, he claims his strategies are the solution to aaaaall of your problems, if you just read this book and do as he says you'll be in the clear.
He wants you to live his truth - not your own.
And the real catch is, that if you find out at the end you disagree, then you're still wrong. Then it's because you haven't learned or you're stuck in your old ways. Manipulation? Oh yes. McGraw even admits to this, and then goes on to say that now that he has admitted it, it's not really manipulation.
Thanks for the honesty, but i'd say it's still manipulation nonetheless. It's just a matter of whether he's successful or not.
I didn't buy it.
And it's okay if McGraw thinks I'm an idiot. I'd rather be an idiot than live his ways, his strategies.
Another point where I severely disagreed with McGraw is when he's listing all that is wrong with the world, including the teenage murder rate (4000 a year ), but in the end of the paragraph he claims that the saddest statistic of them all is... That 45% of youth has experimented with alcohol, 25% with drugs.
SO.. McGraw thinks alcohol and drug experimenting is worse than murder?!
Really??!!!
It is more disturbing to you that teenagers try out alcohol or drugs than that they kill each other?! That is disturbing to me.
Just another example that we have very, very different values....
Anyhow, I suggest you go read some Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald Walsch, Adyashanti or one of the many others who actually let you find your own truth.
But this book... I could, but I won't. I'm just going to save myself the trouble and the time. And I'm
Able to do that because from what I've read I already know that I highly disagree with the premise of this book and the ground perspective of the author.
Here's why:
I'm a spiritual kind of girl. I believe in universal laws, like the law of attraction and karma and stuff. I believe humans have an ego that is fear based and that is often at odds with our souls agenda and wisdom. The ego thrives on fear, competition, separation, division and conflict. The soul operates from a state of unity and oneness and peace and wisdom and love and kindness. The grace of the spiritual can be fierce and difficult and challenging but it is kind and it always promotes growth.
This book is ego driven.
Dr. Phil talks about how the world is a competition and how to learn to manipulate other peoples and your own experience to get somewhere and to do whatever it takes: whatever works. He talks about a game of winners and losers, and if you're not the winner, that means you're the loser.
That is the egos game. That is the game lots of people play, in which everybody loses (not ultimately, because even when we lose, we win. Ultimately we can only win, because we can't escape what we are, as souls, as beings of light. But humanity can lose. Earth can lose. If we keep relating from an egoic state of mind.)
I'm not interested in playing the ego game and therefore I am not interested in reading any more of this book. I'm not here to play the ego game: I know already it doesn't work. I'm on a completely different path.
McGraw and I simply disagree on the basic premise and purpose of life.
The potentially dangerous and confusing thing is that McGraw takes concepts or rules that holds some truth and are close to the spiritual laws and twists them around to fit the ego game and the egos purpose. So some of the strategies he sets forth can actually bring about an effect. The danger (in my eyes) is if it leads to more ego driven behavior, if it serves the purpose of division, if it is misused. That is always a risk since egos are clever and it takes anything that serves it's purpose in upholding a state of separation and uses it to that end.
For example, it's true that you can learn how other people work and then manipulate them to your own benefit. You can also use your mask, how you present yourself and what you do, to manipulate or deceive others. Of course your behavior and attitude has an effect. You can play the wolf game, be nice and sincere until your target is close enough and then wolf them down, eat them, destroy them, come out the 'winner'.
BUT... Is that really how you want to be and act? Is that really how you want to treat other people? Do you really want to play this game, this way? Or do you want to use your knowledge, power and skills to heal, yourself and others? To take note of how others behavior affects you, more than how you affect them, so you can hold onto your peace, not so you can manipulate their behavior?
I know how I want to live, I know these basic spiritual laws, and I also know how to use them for peace for healing, not for destruction and selfishness.
So be careful you are not mislead down a path that leads you where you don't want to go. Because some of what McGraw says might resonate with your intuition of what's true, and you might start following blindly.
We all must use our own judgement and intuition to discern the truth, and here it was just clear to me that this guy really operates from ego, and his goals go completely counter to mine, so whatever he says that could or is on some level true is used for an aim that is at odds with mine. Actually, counter to mine.
As an example, McGraw states this at one point: don't believe me- see and decide for yourself. This is sort of a 'rule' in spirituality: everybody is their own judge and needs to discover for themselves. You can have help and guides, but be careful not to get a guide that is caught by their ego and that takes the stand of an authority, taking away your power.
Your power is yours.
You find out what's true.
Anyhow McGraw says this, but what he does is a completely different thing. He claims authority, he claims his strategies are the solution to aaaaall of your problems, if you just read this book and do as he says you'll be in the clear.
He wants you to live his truth - not your own.
And the real catch is, that if you find out at the end you disagree, then you're still wrong. Then it's because you haven't learned or you're stuck in your old ways. Manipulation? Oh yes. McGraw even admits to this, and then goes on to say that now that he has admitted it, it's not really manipulation.
Thanks for the honesty, but i'd say it's still manipulation nonetheless. It's just a matter of whether he's successful or not.
I didn't buy it.
And it's okay if McGraw thinks I'm an idiot. I'd rather be an idiot than live his ways, his strategies.
Another point where I severely disagreed with McGraw is when he's listing all that is wrong with the world, including the teenage murder rate (4000 a year ), but in the end of the paragraph he claims that the saddest statistic of them all is... That 45% of youth has experimented with alcohol, 25% with drugs.
SO.. McGraw thinks alcohol and drug experimenting is worse than murder?!
Really??!!!
It is more disturbing to you that teenagers try out alcohol or drugs than that they kill each other?! That is disturbing to me.
Just another example that we have very, very different values....
Anyhow, I suggest you go read some Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald Walsch, Adyashanti or one of the many others who actually let you find your own truth.
August 7, 2011
Despite what you may think of Dr.Phil and his television show, this is really a wonderful book. I read it years ago when I felt my life was out of control.... reading it literally changed me and enabled me to find my footing again. That's a pretty big feat for a relatively small book. Will always be one of my favorites.
October 16, 2022
Life Strategies contains a full-on review of your emotional state and your way of acting in the world. Anyone who has even a passing knowledge of 'Dr Phil' will know that he rejects the victim game, and insists that the buck stops with you. His writing style is like a tough sergeant, and make no mistake, you are in boot camp while reading this book. He pulls no punches; the only subtlety is in his choice of example stories of people who have overcome unbelievable horror. He doesn't say it outright, but he is clearly implying 'if they can overcome that, what's your excuse'?
Dr Phil says his book is for anyone who is willing to do the work. I think if you do the work, and read his strategies you will get a real benefit. But I think his approach is very North American - focused on success, and competition, and being THE best (not being YOUR best self as his friend Oprah suggests). I'm not sure that absolutely everyone will respond to this approach.
For myself, I am preparing to make the transition to retirement, and although I don't feel the need to overhaul my entire life, I did get some good insight for how to approach this life change. I give it five stars because his advice is useful, but with the caveat that, contrary to what Dr Phil thinks, this book may not be a good fit for everyone.
Dr Phil says his book is for anyone who is willing to do the work. I think if you do the work, and read his strategies you will get a real benefit. But I think his approach is very North American - focused on success, and competition, and being THE best (not being YOUR best self as his friend Oprah suggests). I'm not sure that absolutely everyone will respond to this approach.
For myself, I am preparing to make the transition to retirement, and although I don't feel the need to overhaul my entire life, I did get some good insight for how to approach this life change. I give it five stars because his advice is useful, but with the caveat that, contrary to what Dr Phil thinks, this book may not be a good fit for everyone.
September 8, 2007
This book really made me turn my life around and start "creating my own experience!" I used it with the workbook and took it seriously. It helped me heal my relationships with my parents, forgive people I didn't realize I needed to, and taught me how to move forward and have the life I want and deserve.
I still refer to the book 4 years later when I'm teaching the youth or a lesson at church. The principles in this book are so empowering. It's the stuff I wish my parents had known so they could have taught me. You can't teach what you don't know.
I still refer to the book 4 years later when I'm teaching the youth or a lesson at church. The principles in this book are so empowering. It's the stuff I wish my parents had known so they could have taught me. You can't teach what you don't know.
January 5, 2009
"Life Strategies" is a quick, very basic reminder of sound - just as the title states - life strategies. Nothing profound here. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing you probably haven't heard in most contemporary self-help books, in fact. Or from your favorite neighborhood therapist, I imagine. The book may be a good addition to your bookshelf if that is what you seek - something of a reference book, or checklist, to turn to now and then to jog your memory about how to stay on track toward achieving your personal measure of success in life, or just to give yourself a pep talk.
Dr. Phil uses almost annoyingly simple (but precise) language, so I would think it would be difficult to misunderstand anything in these pages unless one is bound and determined to remain deluded and avoid life in general. No doubt, there are many such. Last I heard, the "happiness quotient" in modern society has been slipping, so I won't argue that point, just put it out there ... some people truly are more comfortable being unhappy and avoiding life. But, supposing you are one of those who really would like to stay focused and have a desire to fulfill your potential, this is a nice little starter kit. Basic and on target.
The main message of these life strategies is that a person should take full and conscious ownership of one's own life. The rest is detail. Dr. P. reminds you that no matter what the circumstances, it really is what you make of it and in what direction you decide to take your next step. Sure, that may be much easier for some than many others, depending on your circumstances. But hard or easy is not the issue. Hard or easy, it is still your life, your circumstances, and your choice, and yours alone - where you take it from here.
No stroke of brilliance to hold us all accountable or that nailing down a goal firmly only helps strengthen our resolve to achieve it. The more detailed the battle plan, the better. Just common sense. Those who achieve most in life (and I agree with Dr. P, there is no such thing as luck) are those who keep a persistently positive attitude, have a clear goal in mind, are willing to work hard at it, are willing to take a risk now and then to pull away from the ordinary masses to become extraordinary. I'm not sure the final section that glorified his wife, Robin, was necessary (too saccharin for my taste), nor, perhaps, the stories about Oprah and Andy the cab driver. But the book achieves what no doubt was Dr. P's life strategy: outline the usual behaviors and attitudes that work. We all can use the occasional pep talk and reminder.
Dr. Phil uses almost annoyingly simple (but precise) language, so I would think it would be difficult to misunderstand anything in these pages unless one is bound and determined to remain deluded and avoid life in general. No doubt, there are many such. Last I heard, the "happiness quotient" in modern society has been slipping, so I won't argue that point, just put it out there ... some people truly are more comfortable being unhappy and avoiding life. But, supposing you are one of those who really would like to stay focused and have a desire to fulfill your potential, this is a nice little starter kit. Basic and on target.
The main message of these life strategies is that a person should take full and conscious ownership of one's own life. The rest is detail. Dr. P. reminds you that no matter what the circumstances, it really is what you make of it and in what direction you decide to take your next step. Sure, that may be much easier for some than many others, depending on your circumstances. But hard or easy is not the issue. Hard or easy, it is still your life, your circumstances, and your choice, and yours alone - where you take it from here.
No stroke of brilliance to hold us all accountable or that nailing down a goal firmly only helps strengthen our resolve to achieve it. The more detailed the battle plan, the better. Just common sense. Those who achieve most in life (and I agree with Dr. P, there is no such thing as luck) are those who keep a persistently positive attitude, have a clear goal in mind, are willing to work hard at it, are willing to take a risk now and then to pull away from the ordinary masses to become extraordinary. I'm not sure the final section that glorified his wife, Robin, was necessary (too saccharin for my taste), nor, perhaps, the stories about Oprah and Andy the cab driver. But the book achieves what no doubt was Dr. P's life strategy: outline the usual behaviors and attitudes that work. We all can use the occasional pep talk and reminder.
May 12, 2010
My mom said that "everyone should read this book" and I would probably agree, but I think what my mom meant was, "everyone that doesn't have a clue what they are doing in this life should read this book". At first, I thought Dr. Phil would test my nerves with his southern drawl and high and mighty philosophies, but I liked it. He just makes sense and he doesn't mince words, and it all seems simple, but it is always interesting the more things seem simple..the harder they are to accomplish for some reason. I have to say I made some goals after this book, and enjoyed listening to it via audiobook. I would concur with my mom that everyone should read a book like this in their life.
November 28, 2012
I've never before read a book of Dr. Phil's, although I have watched his show a few times and found him to be surprisingly realistic, and to give relatively sound advice. I was pleasantly surprised by this book. There's not a lot of new ideas, but he offers new ways of looking at old things. At first it seemed like it was going to be easy to read, but I found myself re-reading several sections, then waiting a few days and reading them again. If you're really willing to change your life, and your way of thinking, I strongly suggest reading this book. Definitely a lot of food for thought. Now, if I can just remember to apply it all!
April 15, 2015
#1: You either get it, or you don't.
Strategy: Become one of those who gets it.
#2: You create your own experience.
Strategy: Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life.
#3: People do what works.
Strategy: Identify the payoffs that drive your behavior and that of others.
#4: You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
Strategy: Get real with yourself about your life and everybody in it.
#5: Life rewards action.
Strategy: Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger.
#6: There is no reality; only perception.
Strategy: Identify the filters through which you view the world.
#7: Life is managed; it is not cured.
Strategy: Learn to take charge of your life.
#8: We teach people how to treat us.
Strategy: Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you.
#9: There is power in forgiveness.
Strategy: Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you.
#10: You have to name it before you can claim it.
Strategy: Get clear about what you want and take your turn.
Strategy: Become one of those who gets it.
#2: You create your own experience.
Strategy: Acknowledge and accept accountability for your life.
#3: People do what works.
Strategy: Identify the payoffs that drive your behavior and that of others.
#4: You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
Strategy: Get real with yourself about your life and everybody in it.
#5: Life rewards action.
Strategy: Make careful decisions and then pull the trigger.
#6: There is no reality; only perception.
Strategy: Identify the filters through which you view the world.
#7: Life is managed; it is not cured.
Strategy: Learn to take charge of your life.
#8: We teach people how to treat us.
Strategy: Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you.
#9: There is power in forgiveness.
Strategy: Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you.
#10: You have to name it before you can claim it.
Strategy: Get clear about what you want and take your turn.
March 15, 2010
I think that there is some good to be had from questioning the way things are and our own behaviours from time to time and I rather like Dr Phil's homely anecdotes and his "no bull" way of putting things across. In fact based on that I have recommended this book to several people, in fact even bought a copy for the odd person here and there who I thought would benefit from reading it.
Only trouble is that at some point one has to question whether this isn't just the ultimate pyscho analytical equivalent of the latest Hollywood diet. Sure everyone has problems, many of them are the same and if you want a best seller it isn't a bad idea to suggest that you can solve these ills, there are going to be no shortage of takers.
So whilst in many ways I would have to admit that this book does help to put things into perspective one starts to wonder if it isn't really just a narcisistic ego based trip for the author. As with many such books there is the potential for the hidden message of "look at me, you won't ever really manage to get all these things right so don't be surprised if you life is a mess after all".
Yes I quite enjoyed reading it and still thumb through it on occasion but I am still not convinced that living the "American Dream" is in fact the right or only way to be and recognise that feeding peoples feelings of inadequacy in one area or another of their lives makes for good business if you are in the business of suggesting you can solve those problems.
Only trouble is that at some point one has to question whether this isn't just the ultimate pyscho analytical equivalent of the latest Hollywood diet. Sure everyone has problems, many of them are the same and if you want a best seller it isn't a bad idea to suggest that you can solve these ills, there are going to be no shortage of takers.
So whilst in many ways I would have to admit that this book does help to put things into perspective one starts to wonder if it isn't really just a narcisistic ego based trip for the author. As with many such books there is the potential for the hidden message of "look at me, you won't ever really manage to get all these things right so don't be surprised if you life is a mess after all".
Yes I quite enjoyed reading it and still thumb through it on occasion but I am still not convinced that living the "American Dream" is in fact the right or only way to be and recognise that feeding peoples feelings of inadequacy in one area or another of their lives makes for good business if you are in the business of suggesting you can solve those problems.
May 14, 2014
لو كنت مثلي من متابعي الدكتور فيل ومن مشاهدي برنامجه فهذا الكتاب لن يضيف لك الكثير من المعلومات الكتاب عبارة عن عشر قواعد وضعها الدكتور فيل للتعامل في الحياة ضايقني انه أنفق أول خمسين صفحة في الكتاب وهو يتحدث عن أهمية الكتاب وعن أنه الكتاب الذي سيغير حياتك تماما ولكني عندما قرأته وجدت فيه نفس المعلومات التي يرددها الدكتور فيل في برنامجه طول الوقت عن أنك مسئول عن حياتك وأنك من تعلم الآخرين كيف يعاملوك وفي أثناء الكتاب يطلب الدكتور فيل من القارىء أن يدون أهدافه والمجالات التي لا يشعر فيها برضى عن نفسه ثم يطلب منه أن يضع أهداف ويسعي ورائها الدكتور فيل من المؤمنين أن الإنسان قادر على تغيير مصيره وحياته بالجهد والعمل و هذا صحيح في العموم ولكن المشكلة أنك لكي تطبق هذه القواعد وتغير حياتك يجب أن تعيش في دولة تحترم إنسانيتك وتعطيك حقوقك الأساسية لكن هذه القواعد لا تنطبق على الأشخاص الذين يعيشون في دول متخلفة التي يتعمد النجاح فيها عن طريق الواسطة والمحسوبية أو الفهلوة والحظ أفضل جزء من الكتاب هو أخر جزء والذي يتحدث فيه الدكتور فيل عن كيفية تحويل أحلامك إلى أهداف وكيف تحقق تلك الأهداف بالخطوات والقياس
May 22, 2009
This is a great book to remind ourselves how to keep things in life in perspective. There's a lot of great advice but it can be sort of dry with his storytelling.
Read
May 25, 2009Sort of read it. I bought it and the notebook but lost interest. I think Dr. Phil is more about money making than true psychology
April 12, 2016
Dr. Phil's Life Strategies (1999) presents 10 Life Laws, beginning with #1 You Either Get It or You Don't and #2 You Create Your Own Experience. In the book, Dr. Phil advises about the importance of taking responsibility for our lives. What he teaches about the Power of Forgiveness in Life Law #9 deserves the 5-star rating in and of itself, but I learned a great deal from all of the Life Laws. In writing this annotation, I am using one of his strategies, what he calls "project status" in Life Law #7 on life management. I have been thinking for years that I would like to write more comments on my reading. With Dr. Phil's help, I am moving from merely thinking to actually doing. I purchased this book years ago, but found it again only recently while seeking guidance during a challenging time. There are still some exercises to work though, but Dr. Phil's Life Strategies has already become life-changing for me. Thank you, Dr. Phil.
December 16, 2015
What's telling is that I listened to this book on tape only a year ago and forgot it entirely until I saw it on the shelf yesterday at my local library. As I think back on it I can remember three things:
1. Dr. Phil manages to say it like it is (a plus) even though he's giving platitude after platitude(a minus): "own your life," "accept responsibility for your actions," etc.
2. One time Oprah was having this hard situation with a lawsuit. Then she had a talk with Dr. Phil late one night wherein she decided that she wasn't going to let people walk all over her ever again. From that time on, Oprah has done great, just great.
3. Your life too can be great, just great, if you just decide now to use some stragety for once.
All said, I do like Phil's frankness.
1. Dr. Phil manages to say it like it is (a plus) even though he's giving platitude after platitude(a minus): "own your life," "accept responsibility for your actions," etc.
2. One time Oprah was having this hard situation with a lawsuit. Then she had a talk with Dr. Phil late one night wherein she decided that she wasn't going to let people walk all over her ever again. From that time on, Oprah has done great, just great.
3. Your life too can be great, just great, if you just decide now to use some stragety for once.
All said, I do like Phil's frankness.
November 30, 2021
Found this book on the side of the road w a pal and took it home as a joke. Is it good? Not really! Dr. Phil is not a good guy or writer, and his partially outdated advice is ignorant of the many social factors that cause people to behave certain ways. However, there are portions of this book that I actually liked, and some of the advice was genuinely helpful and resonated with me! it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be, but probably seek other self-help books instead of this one.
February 28, 2016
My copy of this book was written in 1999 and is a First Mass Market Edition.
1st Read: April 24, 2015 - April 28, 2015
Good reading for anyone who wants to discipline their way of thinking to get better results in areas of their life which are not working.
May 24, 2009
i really enjoy dr phil and this book is straight to the point, which i also love.
May 30, 2009
A good book that tells you how to live life in a positive manner
Read
November 18, 2010One of my favourite books ever - read, and re-read
October 22, 2011
Easy to understand, practical. A great self-help book, if you truly want to change your life.
September 29, 2013
Say what you want about pop psychology. This book really helped me through a rough point in my life.
January 2, 2023
I decided to stop about halfway through this. There are a few good nuggets of advice in here, but it's mostly fluff. Really corny, pointless fluff. I'll put a few good quotes below. But I'm done putting up with this.
My biggest take away was the concept that we should stop asking ourselves redundant questions about what we're doing and start asking ourselves "Is it WORKING?" However, of course I can't find the quote now. I may not have underlined it because I remember it pretty early on in the book and wasn't sure if I should underline things yet or not. Oh well.
p.42 Adopt the attitude of questioning and challenging everything in your life that you can identify as having been accepted on blind faith or as having been adopted out of tradition or history. ... I think you will be surprised at how much of your life involves patterns where you do things in a certain way simply because someone else who didn't know any more about it than you did them that way.
p. 47-48 We had to meet that jury where they were in terms of what they believed, and yet persuade them to move their position to our way of thinking. You must understand someone and know what makes them tick before you can connect with them. They need to see similarities between you and your values and their own. ...
1. What do they value the most in their lives: Are ethics a big deal? Do money and success define them? Do they value strength, or compassion? What really matters in their outlook on life?
2. What are their expectancies and beliefs about how life does and should work?
3. What resistances or predispositions - fears, biases, prejudices-do they have?
...
7. How do they feel about themselves?
8. What do they want most in their lives?
p.50 7-People like, trust, and believe those who like them.
8-People often do things for other than the apparent reasons.
9-Even people of quality can be, and often are, petty and small.
p.53 ...the more dangerous alternative is the presence of wrong thinking or misinformation.
We usually find this a lot easier to recognize in other people than in ourselves.
p.63 The problem is that it is at the very core of human nature to blame other people; it is fundamental self-preservation to try to escape accountability. You don't want things to be your responsibility, so you will go to any extreme of rationalization and justification to explain why they are not. This is particularly true if we are talking about an emotionally charged area of your life.
p.64-65 I didn't say you are to blame. I said you are accountable, as in "responsible." There's a huge difference between blame and responsibility. To deserve blame, you must have intended your actions, or recklessly disregarded their consequences. By contrast, responsibility simply means that you were in control.
p.69 There's a very powerful connection at work here. Your physiology determines your energy and action level. If your internal dialogue is negative and self-effacing, then the physiology that simultaneously occurs will be just as negative.
p. 90 Knowing what you need to do and knowing how to do it are two very different things.
p.91 You cannot eliminate your negative behavior without understanding why you do it to begin with.
My biggest take away was the concept that we should stop asking ourselves redundant questions about what we're doing and start asking ourselves "Is it WORKING?" However, of course I can't find the quote now. I may not have underlined it because I remember it pretty early on in the book and wasn't sure if I should underline things yet or not. Oh well.
p.42 Adopt the attitude of questioning and challenging everything in your life that you can identify as having been accepted on blind faith or as having been adopted out of tradition or history. ... I think you will be surprised at how much of your life involves patterns where you do things in a certain way simply because someone else who didn't know any more about it than you did them that way.
p. 47-48 We had to meet that jury where they were in terms of what they believed, and yet persuade them to move their position to our way of thinking. You must understand someone and know what makes them tick before you can connect with them. They need to see similarities between you and your values and their own. ...
1. What do they value the most in their lives: Are ethics a big deal? Do money and success define them? Do they value strength, or compassion? What really matters in their outlook on life?
2. What are their expectancies and beliefs about how life does and should work?
3. What resistances or predispositions - fears, biases, prejudices-do they have?
...
7. How do they feel about themselves?
8. What do they want most in their lives?
p.50 7-People like, trust, and believe those who like them.
8-People often do things for other than the apparent reasons.
9-Even people of quality can be, and often are, petty and small.
p.53 ...the more dangerous alternative is the presence of wrong thinking or misinformation.
We usually find this a lot easier to recognize in other people than in ourselves.
p.63 The problem is that it is at the very core of human nature to blame other people; it is fundamental self-preservation to try to escape accountability. You don't want things to be your responsibility, so you will go to any extreme of rationalization and justification to explain why they are not. This is particularly true if we are talking about an emotionally charged area of your life.
p.64-65 I didn't say you are to blame. I said you are accountable, as in "responsible." There's a huge difference between blame and responsibility. To deserve blame, you must have intended your actions, or recklessly disregarded their consequences. By contrast, responsibility simply means that you were in control.
p.69 There's a very powerful connection at work here. Your physiology determines your energy and action level. If your internal dialogue is negative and self-effacing, then the physiology that simultaneously occurs will be just as negative.
p. 90 Knowing what you need to do and knowing how to do it are two very different things.
p.91 You cannot eliminate your negative behavior without understanding why you do it to begin with.
May 2, 2014
This book is another self-help guide, but—unlike others—held with good intentions. Perhaps the most interesting thing about this book is that it is interactive in that there are assignments. If one follows them, they will certainly see results. Although assignments are part of the book, it does not dominate the entirety of it so there is no need to worry about having to do them to get anything out of the book.
The life lessons are straightforward and sometimes obvious. They are all things which you have probably heard before. This book is made with good intentions, yet there are presuppositions that cannot be applied with everyone. An example is that everyone’s biggest fear is not being accepted. Wrong on many levels.
The power in forgiveness chapter seems to contradict earlier statements about not victimizing yourself. There is a distinction between the two, but the line does get fuzzy as I read through the chapter. Overall, I think the book was alright. I’m very skeptical about self-help books especially when they deal with life problems. This book aimed and got some of its targets but was by no means special.
The life lessons are straightforward and sometimes obvious. They are all things which you have probably heard before. This book is made with good intentions, yet there are presuppositions that cannot be applied with everyone. An example is that everyone’s biggest fear is not being accepted. Wrong on many levels.
The power in forgiveness chapter seems to contradict earlier statements about not victimizing yourself. There is a distinction between the two, but the line does get fuzzy as I read through the chapter. Overall, I think the book was alright. I’m very skeptical about self-help books especially when they deal with life problems. This book aimed and got some of its targets but was by no means special.
December 18, 2008
I feel very sorry for people that buy books like this and read this one for my mom who sent it to me. Having a guy describe common sense to you as a life lesson like not talking back to cops, understanding that life is not fair, and that things will change in an instant is no surprise to me. Nor should it be to anyone that does not live a sheltered life where they have people do stuff for them. Phil talks on others stories from afar that he is close to as if examining people's ability to merely not have common sense or have it is an extremely deep and insightful skill. Most of what he talked about in this book I knew about when I was 14 and I read this when I was 22. I felt like I wasted my time after reading this book. Phil the more I hear him talk strikes me of someone of average IQ posing as a genius that no one has bothered to tell him he is not really that bright on his grand epiphanies on human motivation.
March 19, 2008
I love me some Dr. Phil. This is the 2nd book I credit to inspiring me to move from Houston to West Coast. It totally changed my perspective on life and how I saw myself and other people. It also really helped me to face and understand the reality that I am solely and fully responsible for my everything that happens in my life and my own happiness. Seems like common sense on some levels, but becoming fully conscious of that reality and everything it entails, is so powerful. I re-read parts of this book from time to time.
February 10, 2017
Just like the law of Gravity, there are universal social laws to this very life which governs the behaviour of human beings. And just because you dont believe in the law of gravity, doesn't mean you won't trip if you are careless.
This book describes 10 life laws, and asks us to build a strategy to work those laws to our benefit.
"There are a lot of dogs for the bone, and if you don't have a clear strategy, then you simply aren't competitive" is Dr.Phil's message.
Think. Build a life strategy. Focus on getting Results, not intentions.
A very intelligent book indeed.
This book describes 10 life laws, and asks us to build a strategy to work those laws to our benefit.
"There are a lot of dogs for the bone, and if you don't have a clear strategy, then you simply aren't competitive" is Dr.Phil's message.
Think. Build a life strategy. Focus on getting Results, not intentions.
A very intelligent book indeed.
April 15, 2008
This book tells me that I'm responsible for my every negative emotions... which is a good reminder. Without specifically mentioning higher spirits tho, people are still lost without a clear direction of what to follow, as soon as we know we should distance ourselves from the negative town.
Explained in simple-to-understand english, I think this is a great book that explains many aspects of psychology that leads to unproductive results.
Explained in simple-to-understand english, I think this is a great book that explains many aspects of psychology that leads to unproductive results.
May 18, 2013
I like the no-nonsense approach to counseling that he and others are starting to advocate. 1. You either get it, or you don't. 2. You create your own experience. 3. People do what works. 4. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. 5. Life rewards action. 6. There is no reality; only perception. 7. Life is managed; it is not cured. 8. We teach people how to treat us. 9. There is power in forgiveness. 10. You have to name it to claim it.
January 24, 2017
This is a Dr Phil book from the late 90s glory days. I think it's especially helpful if you have some super serious shit you have to mentally and emotionally tackle. Most of the laws are run of the mill self help. That said, I found The book provided straightforward perspective and helped me to take issues more head on. If you do not have clear goals or know wtf you're doing with your life this book can help you set clear goals. It is one of many!
October 29, 2007
OK, before he was on T.V. (and perhaps a sell-out) he was a level-headed guy who wrote this very good book. It's no-nonsense, no-fluff, no .
Does it work? Yes? Then do it. No? Then quit it. I mean. how freaking sensible is that? Yay sense!
Does it work? Yes? Then do it. No? Then quit it. I mean. how freaking sensible is that? Yay sense!
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