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And Then There Was Me
Sadeqa Johnson's And Then There Was Me is the story of love and friendship, heartache and betrayal. It’s the journey of a woman stripped down to her lowest point and needing to find the will to press on.
Bea and Awilda have been best friends from the moment Awilda threw her fourteen year-old self across Bea’s twin-sized bed as if they had known each other forever. Bubbly, adventurous Awilda taught sheltered, shy Bea how to dress, wear her hair and what to do with boys. She even introduced Bea to her husband, Lonnie, in college, who pledged to take good care of her for the rest of their lives. But philanderer Lonnie breaks that promise over and over again, leaving Bea to wrestle with her self-esteem and long time secret addiction.
Recently Lonnie has plopped the family in a New Jersey upper class suburb, which lacks the diversity that Bea craves but has the school district and zip code envy that Lonnie wants. The demands of carrying a third child and fitting into this new environment while pretending that her husband is not cheating on her again, is more than she can handle. And just when she thinks things can’t get any worse, the ultimate deception snaps the little thread that was holding her life together and all comes tumbling down.
Bea and Awilda have been best friends from the moment Awilda threw her fourteen year-old self across Bea’s twin-sized bed as if they had known each other forever. Bubbly, adventurous Awilda taught sheltered, shy Bea how to dress, wear her hair and what to do with boys. She even introduced Bea to her husband, Lonnie, in college, who pledged to take good care of her for the rest of their lives. But philanderer Lonnie breaks that promise over and over again, leaving Bea to wrestle with her self-esteem and long time secret addiction.
Recently Lonnie has plopped the family in a New Jersey upper class suburb, which lacks the diversity that Bea craves but has the school district and zip code envy that Lonnie wants. The demands of carrying a third child and fitting into this new environment while pretending that her husband is not cheating on her again, is more than she can handle. And just when she thinks things can’t get any worse, the ultimate deception snaps the little thread that was holding her life together and all comes tumbling down.
304 pages, Paperback
First published April 11, 2017
409 people are currently reading
4544 people want to read
About the author
Sadeqa Johnson
9books5,239followersSadeqa Johnson is the New York Times best-selling author of five novels. Her accolades include being the 2022 Hurston/Wright Foundation Legacy finalist, a BCALA Literary Honoree, and the Library of Virginia’s Literary People’s Choice Award winner. She is a Kimbilio Fellow and teaches in the M.F.A. program at Drexel University. Originally from Philadelphia, she currently lives near Richmond, VA with her husband and three teens.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 281 reviews
May 25, 2017
More like 2.5 stars.
This book had so much potential to grab, entertain, and shock the reader, but it only succeeded at being extremly predictable and boring. Bea lives a life that might be coveted by others: a handsome, hardworking husband, a nice house in a beautiful neighborhood, and two beautiful children. But much of it is a facade: her husband cheats with anyone breathing, her neighborhood lacks diversity and the other moms at her children's school either ignore her or make assumptions about her based on her race, and her son is disrespectful as hell. Throw in daddy issues, an eating disorder and Bea's decision to be a surrogate to her husband's cousin while also hating any kind of weight gain, and you have a woman wrapped up in a cloak of depression. Awilde, her bestfriend, helps her through it all as much as she can, but she's having issues in a her own marriage, which eventually lead to the breakdown of their friendship.
I realized while reading this book that I am not a fan of protaganists who are filled with self-loathing, especially women. Bea hated herself, and, yeah, a story can be built around a woman who has self-esteem issues, but at least have one redeeming quality: be funny, or smart, or creative, or own a sliver of a back bone. Reading about a woman who allows everyone to walk all over her, including her elementary school aged children, for 70% of the book is just plain boring. Also, not much of the story line or motivations behind the characters decisions made sense to me. The dialogue was clunky and awkward. And, that ending: Girl, what? Hell naw.
Had it not been for the blind faith that I had that this novel would get better, and it being a super quick read, I'd have given up on it a quarter of the way through.
Strangely enough, I still want to read Johnson's other book, Second House From the Corner. Read a few pages of that one and it seemed much more entertaining.
This book had so much potential to grab, entertain, and shock the reader, but it only succeeded at being extremly predictable and boring. Bea lives a life that might be coveted by others: a handsome, hardworking husband, a nice house in a beautiful neighborhood, and two beautiful children. But much of it is a facade: her husband cheats with anyone breathing, her neighborhood lacks diversity and the other moms at her children's school either ignore her or make assumptions about her based on her race, and her son is disrespectful as hell. Throw in daddy issues, an eating disorder and Bea's decision to be a surrogate to her husband's cousin while also hating any kind of weight gain, and you have a woman wrapped up in a cloak of depression. Awilde, her bestfriend, helps her through it all as much as she can, but she's having issues in a her own marriage, which eventually lead to the breakdown of their friendship.
I realized while reading this book that I am not a fan of protaganists who are filled with self-loathing, especially women. Bea hated herself, and, yeah, a story can be built around a woman who has self-esteem issues, but at least have one redeeming quality: be funny, or smart, or creative, or own a sliver of a back bone. Reading about a woman who allows everyone to walk all over her, including her elementary school aged children, for 70% of the book is just plain boring. Also, not much of the story line or motivations behind the characters decisions made sense to me. The dialogue was clunky and awkward. And, that ending: Girl, what? Hell naw.
Had it not been for the blind faith that I had that this novel would get better, and it being a super quick read, I'd have given up on it a quarter of the way through.
Strangely enough, I still want to read Johnson's other book, Second House From the Corner. Read a few pages of that one and it seemed much more entertaining.
March 26, 2017
3.5 stars. Be a is on holiday with her husband, Lonnie and their two children. Be a is a surrogate with Lonnie's cousin Mena's baby. But Bea is also bulimic. Her controlling husband, Lonnie, has recently moved them to the middle to upper class suburb of Evergreen, New Jersey. Lonnie is also cheating on his wife, again.
The author covers racism, eating disorders, class and infidelity in this book. It's pace is slow, with flashbacks to Bea's past. Don't let its pace stop you fro. Reading this book as it is, all in all, a decent read.
I would like to thank NetGalley, St Martins Press and the author Sadeqa Johnston for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.
The author covers racism, eating disorders, class and infidelity in this book. It's pace is slow, with flashbacks to Bea's past. Don't let its pace stop you fro. Reading this book as it is, all in all, a decent read.
I would like to thank NetGalley, St Martins Press and the author Sadeqa Johnston for my ARC in exchange for an honest review.
February 25, 2017
This review is long overdue. So, here's what I LOVED about 'And Then There was Me': the portrayal of the routine, the tedium, the ups and the downs of married and family life was spot on, as was the inner conflict about what to do when your marriage is imperfect, but the decision to stay or let it go is not a simple one. I loved that the author obviously thinks about and takes care in showing how the decisions and missteps of parents are often revisited in the lives of their children. This book was wonderful when I was reading those parts. I enjoyed her characters, in that they were vivid and visible, and at points relatable in their imperfection.
The main character Bea drove me positively insane. But Sadeqa Johnson did something that was brilliant in writing her: instead of telling us up front how basically ... well, screwed-up Bea is, through a series of gradual reveals, she peels back the surface layer of domestic perfection. Soon, Bea is an object of pity, and one with whom you are impatient. But again, the author begins to show us why and then we get it, and instead, we sympathize and even empathize with Bea. We even sympathize with her husband Lonnie, the lout who is a serial cheater, but seems in his own way to deeply love his wife. Lonnie and Bea's imperfect marriage is, in itself, fascinating.
And then came the plot twist involving Bea's best friend since childhood, Awilda. You can probably guess at what happens. I certainly did. But that wasn't my problem. My problem was the way it happened, the way the author revealed that it had happened, and the characters' responses to the reveal. That, for me, was where the book devolved into a Tyler Perry-esque, almost madcap moment where it all falls apart, and Awilda makes some admissions that are completely at odds with the character that she was, that had been painstakingly drawn in the previous hundred or so pages.
And finally, the reconstruction: will the marriage survive? Will the friendship endure? Will Bea become 'her own woman'? The resolution of those questions comes, but not in a way that made me feel satisfied, not because I didn't like the outcomes, but because it was then that the author seemed to stop writing and begin summarizing, either in her own voice, or those of her characters. I was disappointed, because it felt like after raising many, many provocative questions about love and marriage and friendship, at the end the author simply declined to explore them, and in the voices of her characters (in "So here's why I did this terrible thing to you" monologues) or in narrative (And so Bea realized that the reason she stayed with Lonnie was ...) simply TOLD you the answers to those questions. I would have liked this book so much more had she trusted the reader to discern and discover those answers, just as they had discovered the lie of Bea's apparently perfect life.
At times 'And Then There was Me' was an incredibly engaging read, so this is an author I will try again, but at the end of this book, I was a little let down.
The main character Bea drove me positively insane. But Sadeqa Johnson did something that was brilliant in writing her: instead of telling us up front how basically ... well, screwed-up Bea is, through a series of gradual reveals, she peels back the surface layer of domestic perfection. Soon, Bea is an object of pity, and one with whom you are impatient. But again, the author begins to show us why and then we get it, and instead, we sympathize and even empathize with Bea. We even sympathize with her husband Lonnie, the lout who is a serial cheater, but seems in his own way to deeply love his wife. Lonnie and Bea's imperfect marriage is, in itself, fascinating.
And then came the plot twist involving Bea's best friend since childhood, Awilda. You can probably guess at what happens. I certainly did. But that wasn't my problem. My problem was the way it happened, the way the author revealed that it had happened, and the characters' responses to the reveal. That, for me, was where the book devolved into a Tyler Perry-esque, almost madcap moment where it all falls apart, and Awilda makes some admissions that are completely at odds with the character that she was, that had been painstakingly drawn in the previous hundred or so pages.
And finally, the reconstruction: will the marriage survive? Will the friendship endure? Will Bea become 'her own woman'? The resolution of those questions comes, but not in a way that made me feel satisfied, not because I didn't like the outcomes, but because it was then that the author seemed to stop writing and begin summarizing, either in her own voice, or those of her characters. I was disappointed, because it felt like after raising many, many provocative questions about love and marriage and friendship, at the end the author simply declined to explore them, and in the voices of her characters (in "So here's why I did this terrible thing to you" monologues) or in narrative (And so Bea realized that the reason she stayed with Lonnie was ...) simply TOLD you the answers to those questions. I would have liked this book so much more had she trusted the reader to discern and discover those answers, just as they had discovered the lie of Bea's apparently perfect life.
At times 'And Then There was Me' was an incredibly engaging read, so this is an author I will try again, but at the end of this book, I was a little let down.
November 2, 2024
And there was Me by Sadeqa Johnson was a complete disappointment. The narrator was awful! At least the sweet way she narrated was. It was like she was reading to little children in a sweet like voice. The book was about a Jamaican woman married to a black man raising two children who is a closet bulimic. She decides to be a surrogate for her cousin. The rest of the story is about the pregnancy, her self-centered husband, and disease. I love this author but not this book.
July 23, 2024
I think it’s safe to say that this was my least favorite read by Sadeqa Johnson. It’s always a gamble going into an author’s backlog and I crapped out with this one. The story had tons of potential and I’m pretty much used to the types of stories I can expect from Sadeqa however the way Bea was portrayed as a weak wife and mother with no backbone and was essentially a walking doormat to her children and cheating husband was not enjoyable to read about.
Bea and Awilda have been best friends since they were adolescents. As a sheltered girl Bea lived a life very different than Awilda and Awilda made it her duty to teach Bea everything from how to carry herself around boys, what her first sexual encounter would be like and essentially everything girls learn from each other.
Now she’s a stay at home mother of 2 and married to a serial cheater. To add to her plight, she is currently acting as a surrogate for her husband’s cousin so that she can experience motherhood. To say that Bea’s plate is full is an understatement. She’s dealing with a lot and the few people on her life that she thought she could rely on have stabbed her in the back so deeply that it’s a wonder the woman is still alive.
This story did not do it for me. And it wasn’t because we had a stay at home wife and mother who was completely reliant on her cheating husband. It was the way she chose to deal with her issues. The author portrayed Bea as this weak woman that couldn’t stand on her own two feet and even when she tried she made dumb decision after dumb decisions. I was extremely hopeful that Bea would grow a pair at the 90% mark but that ending?! Nah Bea had to do better! Should’ve done better! I was hoping for better! Ultimately it was a let down. The story also drug with boring unnecessary details that did not enhance the story. It was more or less of the same things and became predictable after a while. I almost knew how the story would end despite me hoping otherwise.
I don’t think I’ll go back any further in Sadeqa’s catalog and will stick with her newer stuff.
Bea and Awilda have been best friends since they were adolescents. As a sheltered girl Bea lived a life very different than Awilda and Awilda made it her duty to teach Bea everything from how to carry herself around boys, what her first sexual encounter would be like and essentially everything girls learn from each other.
Now she’s a stay at home mother of 2 and married to a serial cheater. To add to her plight, she is currently acting as a surrogate for her husband’s cousin so that she can experience motherhood. To say that Bea’s plate is full is an understatement. She’s dealing with a lot and the few people on her life that she thought she could rely on have stabbed her in the back so deeply that it’s a wonder the woman is still alive.
This story did not do it for me. And it wasn’t because we had a stay at home wife and mother who was completely reliant on her cheating husband. It was the way she chose to deal with her issues. The author portrayed Bea as this weak woman that couldn’t stand on her own two feet and even when she tried she made dumb decision after dumb decisions. I was extremely hopeful that Bea would grow a pair at the 90% mark but that ending?! Nah Bea had to do better! Should’ve done better! I was hoping for better! Ultimately it was a let down. The story also drug with boring unnecessary details that did not enhance the story. It was more or less of the same things and became predictable after a while. I almost knew how the story would end despite me hoping otherwise.
I don’t think I’ll go back any further in Sadeqa’s catalog and will stick with her newer stuff.
June 7, 2022
This book was a page-turner, and the storyline is so authentic that many women can relate to it. Bea's vulnerability, while disturbing, is not uncommon for women in her position. First, she decided to be a surrogate for her husband Lonnie's cousin Mena and her husband, Clark. Mena's cancer led to her having a hysterectomy, and Bea offered to carry the baby for them.
She's been married for twelve years to Lonnie, a bonafide slut. His infidelity is like knocking over dominoes, and Bea knows it. When she suspects him of doing something with another woman, she finds out he is. Sadly Bea's problem with bulimia is her Achilles heel, and his infidelity screws with her sense of reason, by attacking her insecurity. Her best friend Awilda is her ride and die partner. Awilda's husband Derrick has MS, but he went behind Awilda's back with his mother and filed for disability. Yep, he's a momma's boy but a good guy. Now, due to the provisions for disability, he can't work, leaving the financial weight on Awilda. You feel sorry for Awilda until the unthinkable happens.
Aside from the breach of trust with his flagrant infidelity, Lonnie (Alonzo) stepped way across the line by violating a law that need not be spoken. He has an affair with Bea's best friend Awilda. WTF? Bea's mother Irma told her that all men cheat, just like Bea's father did with Irma as his mistress. Yet, Irma also calls Awilda and chews her ass out for coming in between Bea's family.
But Bea's life is changing, and most of it is for the better. This always happens during a separation and divorce. While she misses Lonnie a little bit, she can't get over what he has done not just to her, but to their family. This is a recommended read.
She's been married for twelve years to Lonnie, a bonafide slut. His infidelity is like knocking over dominoes, and Bea knows it. When she suspects him of doing something with another woman, she finds out he is. Sadly Bea's problem with bulimia is her Achilles heel, and his infidelity screws with her sense of reason, by attacking her insecurity. Her best friend Awilda is her ride and die partner. Awilda's husband Derrick has MS, but he went behind Awilda's back with his mother and filed for disability. Yep, he's a momma's boy but a good guy. Now, due to the provisions for disability, he can't work, leaving the financial weight on Awilda. You feel sorry for Awilda until the unthinkable happens.
Aside from the breach of trust with his flagrant infidelity, Lonnie (Alonzo) stepped way across the line by violating a law that need not be spoken. He has an affair with Bea's best friend Awilda. WTF? Bea's mother Irma told her that all men cheat, just like Bea's father did with Irma as his mistress. Yet, Irma also calls Awilda and chews her ass out for coming in between Bea's family.
But Bea's life is changing, and most of it is for the better. This always happens during a separation and divorce. While she misses Lonnie a little bit, she can't get over what he has done not just to her, but to their family. This is a recommended read.
April 12, 2017
And Then There Was Me is a beautifully written novel about friendship, marriage, secrets, and betrayal. The protagonist of the story is Beatrice (Bea) Colon. Married with two children, Bea is pregnant for the third time as a surrogate for her husband's cousin. And she's pretty sure her husband, Lonnie, is cheating on her again. Needing support, Bea relies on lifelong friend, Awilda, who has troubles in her own marriage due to her husband's illness. No one knows Bea is hiding a secret of her own—she's bulimic, and she fights a daily battle not to binge and purge. A terrible betrayal shatters her world, and Bea must find a way to piece her life back together again... and decide who will be in it.
I've had this ARC for a while, and I regret not reading it sooner. It's such a good book! Before I got halfway through the first chapter, I was firmly stuck in Bea's corner. My heart went out to her as I read about her insecurities, doubts about her husband's fidelity, and the discomfort she feels living in the upper class, non-diverse neighborhood that Lonnie insisted upon.
As much as I was wrapped up in Bea's present-day life, I found the flashbacks to her childhood even more interesting. It showed me why her friendship with Awilda was so important to her, as well as giving insight into how food became such an important (and distorted) part of her life. It also gave insight into why Bea forgave (or tolerated?) her husband's cheating so many times throughout their marriage.
The only thing I didn't like about this book was the ending. Not because it was bad, but because I didn't want it to end! I thought there was a bit more left, and when I realized I'd reached the end, I whined out a pathetic noooooo and kept stabbing my finger at my Kindle, as if that would cause another chapter to magically appear. Sigh. If only...
Overall, this was a great story with vividly written characters you either loved or hated... and maybe felt a bit conflicted about, as well. I thought the scenes regarding Bea's struggle with bulimia were thoughtfully written; the anguish Bea felt each time she couldn't find the need to binge and purge was palpable, and painful to read. Kudos to Ms. Johnson having handled such a delicate subject with sensitivity and empathy.
This is the first book I've read of Johnson's, but I doubt it will be the last. I highly recommend this to readers who enjoy reading women's fiction. This is a story you don't want to miss!
I received an advance review copy of this book courtesy of and .
April 2, 2017
Sadeqa Johnson can't seem to keep the drama from spilling over the top. The protagonist of this novel is Bea, a likable mother of two living in an upper class neighborhood in northern New Jersey. As the novel unfolds, Bea begins to lose that sheen of likability and the empathy turns to sympathy. Bea and husband Lonnie have all the trappings of a good life, nice house, good schools, great children, but Lonnie is a cheating husband and has fathered a son outside his marriage, that Bea managed to somewhat forgive.
Bea has an issue with bulimia that she managed to hide from her mother, husband and best friend. At times of stress she is at her most challenged, and obviously signs of a cheating husband can be most stressful. The struggle with bulimia was written well, giving the reader a way to understand. It appears to be an addiction like any other, alcohol, drugs, etc. Bea has decided to be a surrogate mother for Lonnie's cousin who can't become pregnant due to cancer but who had the foresight to freeze her eggs before beginning any cancer treatments.
So, Bea is carrying the baby for Lonnie's cousin Mena and her husband, and obviously gorging on food and then forcing it back up is not healthy for a pregnant woman. Bea does her best, with the help of her astute doctor to avoid purging for most of her pregnancy, but when she finds some text messages on her husband's phone during the last trimester of her pregnancy, she can't hold back and knowingly puts the unborn child at risk.
Finding out that this latest side chick is her best friend, Awilde, sends the drama over the top. The prose was workmanlike and the pacing was medium. It just seems like Sadeqa had to fill the drama basket, so she produces a scene that based on her character sketches thus far in this novel seems out of place for Bea and certainly so for Awilde.
This was a better effort than Sadeqa's last book, she tells a great story but I would love for her to turn the drama page and make an effort towards a more literary work. She certainly has the talent to make it happen. I received an advance reading book in a ŷ giveaway. Thanks ŷ and St. Martin's Press.
Bea has an issue with bulimia that she managed to hide from her mother, husband and best friend. At times of stress she is at her most challenged, and obviously signs of a cheating husband can be most stressful. The struggle with bulimia was written well, giving the reader a way to understand. It appears to be an addiction like any other, alcohol, drugs, etc. Bea has decided to be a surrogate mother for Lonnie's cousin who can't become pregnant due to cancer but who had the foresight to freeze her eggs before beginning any cancer treatments.
So, Bea is carrying the baby for Lonnie's cousin Mena and her husband, and obviously gorging on food and then forcing it back up is not healthy for a pregnant woman. Bea does her best, with the help of her astute doctor to avoid purging for most of her pregnancy, but when she finds some text messages on her husband's phone during the last trimester of her pregnancy, she can't hold back and knowingly puts the unborn child at risk.
Finding out that this latest side chick is her best friend, Awilde, sends the drama over the top. The prose was workmanlike and the pacing was medium. It just seems like Sadeqa had to fill the drama basket, so she produces a scene that based on her character sketches thus far in this novel seems out of place for Bea and certainly so for Awilde.
This was a better effort than Sadeqa's last book, she tells a great story but I would love for her to turn the drama page and make an effort towards a more literary work. She certainly has the talent to make it happen. I received an advance reading book in a ŷ giveaway. Thanks ŷ and St. Martin's Press.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 5, 2017
This book was trash. It was SO dull in the beginning. Then by page 200 a little drama starts to happen. Only for the ending to be utter trash. It was just repetitive self-loathing. I hadn't heard about the main character's best friend for so long in the book, I thought the author forgot that this was supposed to be a novel about "friendship." It took me WAY longer than usual to read this book because it was SOOOOO dull. I can't believe I wasted my time reading this.
April 3, 2022
This was a radically different book from this author’s last one, which I absolutely adored. This was a quieter slow paced women’s fiction that delved into inter generational dysfunctional family dynamics and character transformation. I found the story pacing way off for the first half. Too much dialogue and extraneous circumstantial detail that stalled the plot development. The story found its groove at about the 50-60% mark. That’s when we saw a little more character emotion, action and growth.
Bea and her husband have two kids. Their relationship has been a rocky road due to his infidelities. Bea has managed to put the past behind her with the support of her best friend. However, as Bea navigates a surrogate pregnancy, she starts to suspect that her husband may be at it yet again.
I wish there had been more complexity in the emotional development. Unfortunately it lacked that element so I had a difficult time connecting to and rooting for the MC. I understood what the author was trying to accomplish but it wasn’t fully executed in my opinion. A promising book that I think readers who enjoy domestic women-cantered fiction may want to try.
The audiobook narrator delivered a solid performance. She had a ton of energy and used a variety of expression in her performance.
Thank you to MacMillan Audio and Netgalley for an advanced audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
Bea and her husband have two kids. Their relationship has been a rocky road due to his infidelities. Bea has managed to put the past behind her with the support of her best friend. However, as Bea navigates a surrogate pregnancy, she starts to suspect that her husband may be at it yet again.
I wish there had been more complexity in the emotional development. Unfortunately it lacked that element so I had a difficult time connecting to and rooting for the MC. I understood what the author was trying to accomplish but it wasn’t fully executed in my opinion. A promising book that I think readers who enjoy domestic women-cantered fiction may want to try.
The audiobook narrator delivered a solid performance. She had a ton of energy and used a variety of expression in her performance.
Thank you to MacMillan Audio and Netgalley for an advanced audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
January 22, 2022
Bea's Secret
An insight into a woman's feelings, her bare emotions and he life as a wife, a mother and a daughter. Her fight against her secret addiction and how she wrestles with it on a daily basis. Her dramatic drops in self esteem and how her friends, her children and her mother try to save her from herself.
Bea and Awilda have been friends since they were children, she introduced Bea to Lonnie and Lonnie and Bea married. She now lives in a good neighborhood with good schools , but she feels a bit out of place being dark skinned among all the light skinned people in her neighborhood.
When she is betrayed by both her husband as she is pregnant with her third child it is almost too much for her and she has to dig deep to keep her sanity and to recover her life and independence.
This is a story of love and friendship and of a marriage in trouble. An awakening in a young woman that she can be more than a stay at home mom and can be her own self. It is about forgiveness, even though what is to be forgiven is the unforgivable act.
I enjoyed Bea's journey to finding herself and her friendship with Awilda and with her mother.
The narrator did a wonderful job with the characters and they came to life in the audio book. This is the second book I have read by this author and it won't be the last.
Thanks to Sadeqa Johnson for writing a great story, to Robin Miles for a wonderful narration , to MacMillan Audio for publishing it and to NetGalley for making it available to me.
An insight into a woman's feelings, her bare emotions and he life as a wife, a mother and a daughter. Her fight against her secret addiction and how she wrestles with it on a daily basis. Her dramatic drops in self esteem and how her friends, her children and her mother try to save her from herself.
Bea and Awilda have been friends since they were children, she introduced Bea to Lonnie and Lonnie and Bea married. She now lives in a good neighborhood with good schools , but she feels a bit out of place being dark skinned among all the light skinned people in her neighborhood.
When she is betrayed by both her husband as she is pregnant with her third child it is almost too much for her and she has to dig deep to keep her sanity and to recover her life and independence.
This is a story of love and friendship and of a marriage in trouble. An awakening in a young woman that she can be more than a stay at home mom and can be her own self. It is about forgiveness, even though what is to be forgiven is the unforgivable act.
I enjoyed Bea's journey to finding herself and her friendship with Awilda and with her mother.
The narrator did a wonderful job with the characters and they came to life in the audio book. This is the second book I have read by this author and it won't be the last.
Thanks to Sadeqa Johnson for writing a great story, to Robin Miles for a wonderful narration , to MacMillan Audio for publishing it and to NetGalley for making it available to me.
March 21, 2019
Sooooo....... I really wanted to give this 2 stars. But a lot of it was selfish. I mean... #triggeralert would have really helped me out with the eating disorder. The writing was nicely done. I hated the ending. I don’t wanna spoil it for anybody so I’ll give you a fair chance.......... No. stop pushing the narrative that we have to allow people in our lives who treat us less than what we deserve!!! Fuck Lonnie, Wilde, and even that smart mouth ass kid that needs to be reminded that he is a kid. Nope. It pissed me off. That’s why it took me so damn long. No. No. Just no. But the writing is beautiful.
May 18, 2018
So, here's what I LOVED about 'And Then There was Me': the portrayal of the routine, the tedium, the ups and the downs of married and family life was spot on, as was the inner conflict about what to do when your marriage is imperfect, but the decision to stay or let it go is not a simple one. I loved that the author obviously thinks about and takes care in showing how the decisions and missteps of parents are often revisited in the lives of their children. This book was wonderful when I was reading those parts. I enjoyed her characters, in that they were vivid and visible, and at points relatable in their imperfection.
The main character Bea drove me positively insane. But Sadeqa Johnson did something that was brilliant in writing her: instead of telling us up front how basically ... well, screwed-up Bea is, through a series of gradual reveals, she peels back the surface layer of domestic perfection. Soon, Bea is an object of pity, and one with whom you are impatient. But again, the author begins to show us why and then we get it, and instead, we sympathize and even empathize with Bea. We even sympathize with her husband Lonnie, the lout who is a serial cheater, but seems in his own way to deeply love his wife. Lonnie and Bea's imperfect marriage is, in itself, fascinating.
And then came the plot twist involving Bea's best friend since childhood, Awilda. You can probably guess at what happens. I certainly did. But that wasn't my problem. My problem was the way it happened, the way the author revealed that it had happened, and the characters' responses to the reveal. That, for me, was where the book devolved into a Tyler Perry-esque, almost madcap moment where it all falls apart, and Awilda makes some admissions that are completely at odds with the character that she was, that had been painstakingly drawn in the previous hundred or so pages.
And finally, the reconstruction: will the marriage survive? Will the friendship endure? Will Bea become 'her own woman'? The resolution of those questions comes, but not in a way that made me feel satisfied, not because I didn't like the outcomes, but because it was then that the author seemed to stop writing and begin summarizing, either in her own voice, or those of her characters. I was disappointed, because it felt like after raising many, many provocative questions about love and marriage and friendship, at the end the author simply declined to explore them, and in the voices of her characters (in "So here's why I did this terrible thing to you" monologues) or in narrative (And so Bea realized that the reason she stayed with Lonnie was ...) simply TOLD you the answers to those questions. I would have liked this book so much more had she trusted the reader to discern and discover those answers, just as they had discovered the lie of Bea's apparently perfect life.
At times 'And Then There was Me' was an incredibly engaging read, so this is an author I will try again, but at the end of this book, I was a little let down.
The main character Bea drove me positively insane. But Sadeqa Johnson did something that was brilliant in writing her: instead of telling us up front how basically ... well, screwed-up Bea is, through a series of gradual reveals, she peels back the surface layer of domestic perfection. Soon, Bea is an object of pity, and one with whom you are impatient. But again, the author begins to show us why and then we get it, and instead, we sympathize and even empathize with Bea. We even sympathize with her husband Lonnie, the lout who is a serial cheater, but seems in his own way to deeply love his wife. Lonnie and Bea's imperfect marriage is, in itself, fascinating.
And then came the plot twist involving Bea's best friend since childhood, Awilda. You can probably guess at what happens. I certainly did. But that wasn't my problem. My problem was the way it happened, the way the author revealed that it had happened, and the characters' responses to the reveal. That, for me, was where the book devolved into a Tyler Perry-esque, almost madcap moment where it all falls apart, and Awilda makes some admissions that are completely at odds with the character that she was, that had been painstakingly drawn in the previous hundred or so pages.
And finally, the reconstruction: will the marriage survive? Will the friendship endure? Will Bea become 'her own woman'? The resolution of those questions comes, but not in a way that made me feel satisfied, not because I didn't like the outcomes, but because it was then that the author seemed to stop writing and begin summarizing, either in her own voice, or those of her characters. I was disappointed, because it felt like after raising many, many provocative questions about love and marriage and friendship, at the end the author simply declined to explore them, and in the voices of her characters (in "So here's why I did this terrible thing to you" monologues) or in narrative (And so Bea realized that the reason she stayed with Lonnie was ...) simply TOLD you the answers to those questions. I would have liked this book so much more had she trusted the reader to discern and discover those answers, just as they had discovered the lie of Bea's apparently perfect life.
At times 'And Then There was Me' was an incredibly engaging read, so this is an author I will try again, but at the end of this book, I was a little let down.
December 16, 2021
This audiobook touched my heart to the max! ♥️
And Then There Was Me is a beautifully written heartbreaking story of deep love, friendship, ultimate betrayal, and hope.
This emotional novel is centered around Beatrice (Bea), Awilda (Bea's lifelong best friend), and Lonnie (Bea's husband of twelve years). All three characters are hiding dark secrets that surface.
Applause to author Sadeqa Johnson! The topics in this book are so important!. Many people relate to the experience of being in unhealthy relationships and taking undeserved blame upon themselves (as Bea does in this book). Bea tries everything to keep her relationship with Lonnie together for the kids, but Bea is left feeling lonely, trapped, unhappy, and stripped of her self esteem by her narcissistic partner.
The real question is...
Can Bea (and real people like her) ever heal and find happiness after ultimate betrayal?
And Then There Was Me audiobook was written by Sadeqa Johnson and narrated by Robin Miles. The audiobook book will be published December 28, 2021.
Thank you to NetGally and Macmillan Audio for providing me with this free audiobook in exchange for my honest opinion.
And Then There Was Me is a beautifully written heartbreaking story of deep love, friendship, ultimate betrayal, and hope.
This emotional novel is centered around Beatrice (Bea), Awilda (Bea's lifelong best friend), and Lonnie (Bea's husband of twelve years). All three characters are hiding dark secrets that surface.
Applause to author Sadeqa Johnson! The topics in this book are so important!. Many people relate to the experience of being in unhealthy relationships and taking undeserved blame upon themselves (as Bea does in this book). Bea tries everything to keep her relationship with Lonnie together for the kids, but Bea is left feeling lonely, trapped, unhappy, and stripped of her self esteem by her narcissistic partner.
The real question is...
Can Bea (and real people like her) ever heal and find happiness after ultimate betrayal?
And Then There Was Me audiobook was written by Sadeqa Johnson and narrated by Robin Miles. The audiobook book will be published December 28, 2021.
Thank you to NetGally and Macmillan Audio for providing me with this free audiobook in exchange for my honest opinion.
June 6, 2021
Lonnie was a triflin� ass husband and Bea’s mom and friend aren’t much better.
Bea has what so many people want, the handsome husband and huge house in the suburbs zoned to the “good� school district. But things aren’t picture perfect because Bea has her own struggles that are beginning to make day to day routines difficult to get through. The demands of being a surrogate for a family member, keeping up with her own two kids, and constantly pretending that her husband isn’t out running the streets begin to take a toll on her. And just when she’s sure things can’t get any worse, they do.
I didn’t really read the synopsis before purchasing because the cover caught my eye, but I don’t regret spending most of my Saturday with it. Definitely recommend for a beach read or short road trip!
Bea has what so many people want, the handsome husband and huge house in the suburbs zoned to the “good� school district. But things aren’t picture perfect because Bea has her own struggles that are beginning to make day to day routines difficult to get through. The demands of being a surrogate for a family member, keeping up with her own two kids, and constantly pretending that her husband isn’t out running the streets begin to take a toll on her. And just when she’s sure things can’t get any worse, they do.
I didn’t really read the synopsis before purchasing because the cover caught my eye, but I don’t regret spending most of my Saturday with it. Definitely recommend for a beach read or short road trip!
June 14, 2017
Bea and Awilda have been best friends since childhood. Neither come from a great background, but they always had each other. Awilda introduced Bea to her husband, and Bea'a marriage is not ideal. Awilda also introduced Bea to an eating disorder, which she continues to struggle with. And Then There was Me had great potential. It had the makings of a page turner, but it fell short. I think 3 stars is generous. It's more of a 2.5. I wanted more from the plot development in the present and less from the flashbacks to their childhood. Even the super big twist was predictable. I was able to get through it because I kept waiting for more. More never came.
February 23, 2017
Poor Bea! She learned early in life how to comfort herself with food as a substitute for love, and then to throw it all up instead of dealing with her feelings. Secretly bulimic for years, she does have long periods of time when she is able to control herself. However, this "dark horse" does rear it's head when she is going through times of extreme stress, such as finding out her husband is cheating on her again (and again and again)
On the outside Bea seems to have a great life, a handsome and attentive husband, great kids, and wonderful home. On the inside she is losing it, and losing herself. She beats herself up for staying with her husband through all of his cheating, but his latest affair takes the biggest toll of all.
I received an advance copy for review.
On the outside Bea seems to have a great life, a handsome and attentive husband, great kids, and wonderful home. On the inside she is losing it, and losing herself. She beats herself up for staying with her husband through all of his cheating, but his latest affair takes the biggest toll of all.
I received an advance copy for review.
July 8, 2018
Sadeqa Johnson is masterful with a pen. ‘And Then There Was Was Me� is a carefully composed and deeply intricate piece of work that explores the varied dimensions of a particular woman’s inner life. The story pulled me in, and Johnson’s detailed development of Bea, the novel’s main character, kept me engaged. Although the novel’s pacing was somewhat slow, flashbacks to Bea’s past made the storyline layered and intriguing. Johnson explored racism, colorism, class, eating disorders, infidelity, and, of course, the bittersweetness of love, with such thoughtfulness and nuance. At the start of the novel, I didn’t� think I would like Bea, but, as I learned about her parents, about her fraught relationship with her mother, her complicated relationship with her best friend Awilda, and her woefully unfulfilling marriage to Lonnie, it difficult to not become invested her, to not believe that she deserved to finally find some solace and peace.
While the first 70% of the novel was very, very strong, the last 30 felt…overdone and rushed. A significant scene occurs in this part of the book, and I felt as though it took place too late in the novel and was resolved too quickly. The tension between Bea and Awilda, for instance, was not fully explored. Given all of the secrets, lies, and betrayal, the final chapter of the novel seemed very unrealistic; it left me feeling empty and unsatisfied. I nearly gave this book three stars because of the the final third, but, since the first two-thirds were so well done that I didn't.
All in all, I enjoyed the novel immensely. I just wish that Johnson had given more time to parsing out how Bea and Awilda could find a way forward because, to me at least, it seemed like there wasn’t a way for them to move beyond what had transpired at all.
I received an e-galley of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
While the first 70% of the novel was very, very strong, the last 30 felt…overdone and rushed. A significant scene occurs in this part of the book, and I felt as though it took place too late in the novel and was resolved too quickly. The tension between Bea and Awilda, for instance, was not fully explored. Given all of the secrets, lies, and betrayal, the final chapter of the novel seemed very unrealistic; it left me feeling empty and unsatisfied. I nearly gave this book three stars because of the the final third, but, since the first two-thirds were so well done that I didn't.
All in all, I enjoyed the novel immensely. I just wish that Johnson had given more time to parsing out how Bea and Awilda could find a way forward because, to me at least, it seemed like there wasn’t a way for them to move beyond what had transpired at all.
I received an e-galley of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
January 13, 2024
Man, I’m so glad I read House of Eve and Yellow Wife first. These two novels made her one of my favorite authors of historical fiction. I loved everything about them and her writing style.
However, this one wheww! Miss mamas would have been DNF and I’m certain I would have never picked up another book of hers.
Bea was weakkkkkk, whiny, and an enemy of self. The mammy wasn’t no better. It’s so much to be said but, I don’t have the time nor mental capacity to break these character traits down because they were all trash. Yes even Joaney and her toxic positivity. You can’t manifest your way out a soul issue. Bea had soul sickness there ain’t a yoga pose nor mantra that will heal a sick soul. Sister girl was fighting generations of Demons!
Anywho, I feel my head starting to throb like it did while reading this story so I will end it here! Father’s rise up, mother’s love yourselves and raise up your children from a healed heart!
Ladies don’t buy into the lie that marrying for money and status will guarantee you a “soft life� you can never truly live a soft life when your soul is in a constant state of despair.
And Awilda Go with God! That’s all I got
However, this one wheww! Miss mamas would have been DNF and I’m certain I would have never picked up another book of hers.
Bea was weakkkkkk, whiny, and an enemy of self. The mammy wasn’t no better. It’s so much to be said but, I don’t have the time nor mental capacity to break these character traits down because they were all trash. Yes even Joaney and her toxic positivity. You can’t manifest your way out a soul issue. Bea had soul sickness there ain’t a yoga pose nor mantra that will heal a sick soul. Sister girl was fighting generations of Demons!
Anywho, I feel my head starting to throb like it did while reading this story so I will end it here! Father’s rise up, mother’s love yourselves and raise up your children from a healed heart!
Ladies don’t buy into the lie that marrying for money and status will guarantee you a “soft life� you can never truly live a soft life when your soul is in a constant state of despair.
And Awilda Go with God! That’s all I got
May 19, 2023
easily the worst i have read since downloading this app. this book is not made for young adults who want to read about nice cute love things (THE COVER WAS SO DECEIVING!!!) this book was about binge eating (no TW), a cheating husband and a self loathing woman. im not going to lie i absolutely hated the main character like literally couldnt really stand her and the way she spoke... she was a like a 40+ year old woman who used "honey", "girl", and "sis" unironically to the point where it was cringy. i went to the library to get a different book by this author but they didnt have it so i got this and it was an awful decision. the only reason why i finished it was because i started it (please dont waste your time) i would give it .5 stars if I could.
am i being too harsh? honestly it just really wasn't for me!!!!!!
am i being too harsh? honestly it just really wasn't for me!!!!!!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 30, 2017
Entertaining, engaging read about Bea, a woman who has given so much of herself to her family and others that there is nothing left for herSELF. Sadeqa Johnson has a way with words that loops you into the story until you reach that moment that you can't. stop. reading. Really great read, much enjoyed!
A note... I feel like people in Bea's life didn't suffer enough for their slights against her. Though I am happy she managed to find her awakening and herself, I wanted husband and best friend to feel extremely more sorry than they did. I know that, IRL, things don't unwind in dramatic fashion... I think i was expecting explosive fireworks and instead there was a little putter. In the end, though, Bea got what she wanted.
A note... I feel like people in Bea's life didn't suffer enough for their slights against her. Though I am happy she managed to find her awakening and herself, I wanted husband and best friend to feel extremely more sorry than they did. I know that, IRL, things don't unwind in dramatic fashion... I think i was expecting explosive fireworks and instead there was a little putter. In the end, though, Bea got what she wanted.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 6, 2023
A great read. Bea was dealing with many traumas. I'm glad she became stronger in the end!! Never love someone more than you love yourself!! Stop trying to keep up appearances.
February 5, 2017
And Then There Was Me was a thoughtful read. We meet Bea, a nurse turned housewife who struggles with bulimia. She has agreed to be a surrogate for Mena, her husband, Lonnie's cousin. Bea knows her husband Lonnie is a cheat and has put up with this for years.
This was a flawed heroine who many can relate to in many ways. I became embroiled in her journey and questioned some of Bea's choices but still, I rooted for her. At the end of And Then There Was Me, I was left with things I wondered about, but, I guess life is that way at times. I found the author's writing solid and know this read will lead to a lot of interesting discussions.
This was a flawed heroine who many can relate to in many ways. I became embroiled in her journey and questioned some of Bea's choices but still, I rooted for her. At the end of And Then There Was Me, I was left with things I wondered about, but, I guess life is that way at times. I found the author's writing solid and know this read will lead to a lot of interesting discussions.
August 19, 2021
I actually gave this books a 2.5.
The story lacked in so many ways. I knew every plot twist before it happened. I wanted more drama and I wanted to be at the edge of my seat.
Bea was so twisted, and it’s sad to see that her trauma is what carried the book. I understood that she was the focal point of this book, but the addition of various perspectives could’ve brought more drama. Where the storyline and characters lack, the want for Bea to get out of the marriage shines bright. Wanting to know the outcome of her situation was the major reason I finished the book.
Overall I wish this book had more drama and perspectives.
The story lacked in so many ways. I knew every plot twist before it happened. I wanted more drama and I wanted to be at the edge of my seat.
Bea was so twisted, and it’s sad to see that her trauma is what carried the book. I understood that she was the focal point of this book, but the addition of various perspectives could’ve brought more drama. Where the storyline and characters lack, the want for Bea to get out of the marriage shines bright. Wanting to know the outcome of her situation was the major reason I finished the book.
Overall I wish this book had more drama and perspectives.
June 19, 2022
I really wanted to like this book. I enjoyed another novel by Johnson and was hoping this would be the same. It reads like a movie with plenty of plot twists and a bit of mystery. However, the author including a random intimate moment between teens was completely disgusting, unnecessary, and didn't aid in the story progression or overall plot at all. I couldn't even finish the book after that popped up out of nowhere.
November 5, 2016
Ever read a book and get so pissed off that people think you're crazy? That was me. I was reading in bed, looking at my husband thinking," Try me. " A book about friendship, loyalty, and the strength and resilience of women
September 28, 2023
I’m not sure how I feel about this book. It was pretty drawn out. I wasn’t connected to any of the characters. The ending was upsetting. I love Sadeqa’s historical fiction books, but this didn’t do it for me:
May 10, 2023
3.5. Not my favorite of her books but an easy read I think Yellow wife and House of Eve were much better
March 29, 2024
Not one character was redeeming.
April 17, 2017
From the first page, I was vested in the main character Bea. I find this consistent with the author’s novels. Sadeqa Johnson has a style of partnering her reader with her characters. The story follows an unpredictable path, of the internal struggles of Bea, that make for a very relatable journey through this book. “And Then There Was Me� captured my thoughts even while not reading it, likely because the author wrote the characters as someone you know well, or in some aspects, as yourself. I loved the lack of predictability throughout the story, and could never find a good stopping point, as Bea’s emotions and struggles didn't allow for a break. A carefully contrived sequence of happiness, alternating with unforeseen disappointments, and surprises, flowed one after another. I very much enjoyed this book.
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