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Hard Stuff #1
Hard Code
My new assignment at work: test out toys. Yup, that kind.
Well, technically, it’s to test the app that controls the toys remotely.
One problem? The showgirl who’s supposed to test the hardware (as in, the actual toys) joins a nunnery.
Another problem? This project is important to my Russian boss, the broody, mouthwateringly sexy Vlad, a.k.a. The Impaler.
There’s only one solution: test both the software and the hardware myself... with his help.
NOTE: This is a standalone, raunchy, slow-burn romantic comedy featuring a quirky, nerdy heroine, her hot, mysterious Russian boss, and two guinea pigs who may or may not be into scissoring each other. If any of the above is not your cup of tea, run far, far away. Otherwise, buckle in for a snort-water-up-the-nose-funny, feel-good ride.
Well, technically, it’s to test the app that controls the toys remotely.
One problem? The showgirl who’s supposed to test the hardware (as in, the actual toys) joins a nunnery.
Another problem? This project is important to my Russian boss, the broody, mouthwateringly sexy Vlad, a.k.a. The Impaler.
There’s only one solution: test both the software and the hardware myself... with his help.
NOTE: This is a standalone, raunchy, slow-burn romantic comedy featuring a quirky, nerdy heroine, her hot, mysterious Russian boss, and two guinea pigs who may or may not be into scissoring each other. If any of the above is not your cup of tea, run far, far away. Otherwise, buckle in for a snort-water-up-the-nose-funny, feel-good ride.
264 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 10, 2020
1,659 people are currently reading
3,389 people want to read
About the author
Misha Bell
33books380followersI love writing humor (often the inappropriate kind), happy endings (both kinds), and characters quirky enough to be called oddballs (because... balls). If you love your romance heavy on the comedy and feel-good vibes, visit mishabell.com and sign up for my newsletter.
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December 24, 2024
RATING: 4 stars to Hard Code! � � � �
I lovingly clasp her small hand. “I was actually going to say: Will you make me the happiest vampire in history by letting me finally turn you, so we can spend an eternity together?� She spreads the fingers on her free hand. “Yes. Please. I’ve always wanted to sparkle in the sunlight.�
“Mina?� Has he forgotten that I’m Fanny? And why am I in third person all of a sudden? His sexy lips quirk. “Mina was Dracula’s romantic interest. I figured since you named mine, I’d help you name yours.� Holy vampirism. He’s beyond perfect.
I preface this review by confessing that I didn't start this book with the greatest of expectations but I finished with pleasant surprise, lightweight joy, weightless appreciation and a recently-discovered impulse to browse through the written miscellanea of the writing partnership that is Misha Bell. The authors had me a smart high-tech sex toys and the rest my friends, is mirthful history.
Fanny Pack is the quirky heroine of this ripe rom-com of mishap and mischance. If you're doing a double take at that name, what you're privy to is the quintessence of Misha Bell's style of comic relief with Hard Code. You're in for a slew of epithets courtesy of a heroine with a taste for nicknaming all manner of paraphernalia, who's bolder than she believes, blushes with the ferocity of a ripe autumn plumb and has the firmest luck of the clumsy. I believe romantic lit should have a place for every type of heroine, and Fanny’s succession of errors, her imagination, oddball habits and graceless imperfection call to the karmic luck of the draw, all of which I appreciated.
With a computer science degree under her belt and an animation-inspired app that's currently in the works, Fanny Pack is angling her way into her software firm's code development team. As it is, she's currently a tester who's just been tasked with a discretionary high priority project: to test a range of tech-enhanced adult toys. We know that karma isn't quite a benevolent force in the life of Fanny, and sure enough, her perfect trial tester backs out at the last minute, leaving her with a line-up of high-tech adult apparatus, slim choices all around and panic the size of her misfortune.
With slim pickings and as she leans toward the idea of being her own trial sampler, it opens up the merits of proving something to herself. If her latest ex left her for her lack of sexual deviance, this little adventurous project is the perfect pick-me-up. And the fruits of Fanny's boldness ropes in none other than her boss's boss and CEO of the company, Vlad Chortsky.
Reclusive workaholic and severe professionalist with a surround sound of mystique, he's private, he's prosperous and his untouchability makes him the subject ofrumours aplenty... and vampire likeability. Known around the office as 'the Impaler', he's the quarry of all vampire witticism, of which Fanny has plenty to amuse herself with, regaled within the confines of mindfully protected space, just not spoken to Vlad’s very handsome, very superhero-like face.
I'm going to cut to the chase by cutting to the heart and that's to say I dove into a pile of rom-com giggles and glee with Hard Code. It was just pure fun from first to last. If you have a taste for the silly, smutty sense of humour that consummately calls to the outrageous, you're going to fall Fanny first and Dracula deep for this one. I am your typical detail-disposed reader so I confess to readers who appreciate the same that this isn't the elaborately explicit ‘l'-dzܳٱԱ-𱹱ٳԲ� sort of read. Surprisingly, the above wasn't a problem for me. After finishing up with a darker series I wanted perky, blithe and breezy so this book made it remarkably easy for me to let go and take everything in stride. Most of which worked in my fickle favour to maximal effect.
Hard Code isn’t overly sexed nor does it come with an overfill of smut. The one actual bedroom scene materialises after a slow burn build up of ‘pǴڱDzԲ� cybersex that assumes the role of foreplay. Very raunchy in that inappropriate boss/employee paradigm. It teases and taunts but is still saucy and sexy in the same vein. Both the story along with the characters were just a breeze to read and this was definitely one of those reads that drew me in with its funny without a need to overthink.
If I were to cry out a complaint however, It’s that I’m certain a few pages at minimum were missing right at tail end of chapter 19 because Vlad and Fanny are in the middle of a conversation that abruptly ends, bringing with it the events of chapter 20 without a lead up to Fanny meeting Vlad’s family. The abrupt scene change was a jarring and quelled the flow for me but since I seem to be the only one lament this, I think (for whatever reason) this might’ve been an issue with my personal e-book copy. My only other complaint is that I wished this were longer.
For all its length and writing style, there isn’t a lot of depth development wise, nor do the authors intend for a deep and heartfelt storyline so I wouldn’t expect tortured characters or brooding struggles with something to overcome if you decide to take your chances. As this was a slow burn with - what felt like - a fast ride to the ‘L� word despite it being professed right at the end, the road to the HEA was probably too quick for me. But as we speak of the relationship in question, Fanny and Vlad’s chemistry is just adorable, warm and built on similarities that do appear to transcend that of physical attraction, though there is clearly that too.
FANNY: A heroine in the STEM field who can (just about) pull off professional and comes packing with unrepentant eccentricity? I'm all ears and at attention. As someone who identifies with a strong and unusual sense of quirk and also affectionately nicknames various items of possession, I thought she was lovably off-centre with brains to match. She’s blatantly quirky and quick to embarrass in the same breath while still arriving with a sense of insecurity. She does brandish that slapstick vibe, which I realise was a point of contention for some readers but personally, she didn’t feel too much for me.
It’s also worth mentioning that the authors don’t pry into the landscape of Fanny’s physical appearance, and this reinforces the basis of a relationship that (while isn’t noticeably deep) is above being skin-deep, much as Fanny herself likes to ogle her Russian superior’s beautiful hide. Though I do put it out there that I really don’t blame her. Of course, there’s the cliche of the average female who gets the supernaturally good-looking non-average male but the twist is that our hero isn’t superficially-minded. Dare I say the sapiosexualism simmers? Let us dare.
Though Fanny gets full POV rights, and we do get testimony that Vlad was attracted to her from the moment he saw her (evidenced by the epilogue from his one-and-only POV), I felt confident in his attraction as there were enough signals to gauge reciprocated feelings.
VLAD: Though Vlad is your classic assertive bossman; a formal, fearless, stand-offish and well-proportioned-in-every-way hero, he also doubles as a reclusive Matrix-loving braniac who’s hard for privacy and smitten with his guinea pig. While Fanny's the graceless geek incarnate, Vlad's the graceful alpha geek contained. I secretly loved his protective mother-henning every time he fussed over Fanny. To see him them both connect over all and their very many commonalities was adorable, as was that one imperceptive moment in his limo when he glances between his laptop and Fanny and you know it’s a decision between work or woman that he was a goner.Also did I mention that he’s a Russian hero who doesn’t assume the secret life as a mafioso? You do switch it up Misha Bell.
But more importantly, I need to alert the cavalry for small merrymaking fiesta because I myself was wholly smitten by the presence of a non-promiscuous, non-resistant hero. Let’s take in those beautiful adjectives very deeply. Romance doesn't often hand over the spotlight to such male anomalies so it's more than unembelished for me to say that I loved this multi-talented culture buff who, despite being mysteriously aloof, was clearly charmed by his heroine the whole way through. I’ve read from a plethora of fictional males who resist their heroine like she’s the bringer of the next Armageddon so Vlad was just a delight who dispels this while maintaining his manly mystery. As aforementioned, this was a heroine-only narrated POV but I felt that there were enough signals from Vlad to determine where he stood.
Hard Code does have a mixed reception of feedback. I realise that some readers felt that the humour was forcibly grandiose and the promise of laugh-out-loud backfires. I didn’t quite laugh out loud myself but there was snickering and smirking aplenty, all bound with an adhesive I call joy. I personally found that this book wasn’t too much for me and nor did the characters feel too much for me. I did harbour some critique but none of it was a deal-breaker. I’ve read from neither Anna Zaires nor Dima Zales but perhaps it was fated that I initiated myself with them both as one as they come together as Misha Bell for this line of ‘Hard Stuff� rom-coms.
Fall down Misha Bell’s rom-com rabbit hole with an offbeat heroine who doesn’t believe she’s adventurous enough, has tasteful code but graceless poise, her Russian hero who may or may not be a vampire but is still the target of all vampire similitudes, would beg to differ about his heroine’s lack of adventurousness and rescues blushing maidens with intrusive objects in entry chambers. You’ll also enjoy inappropriate Fanny-to-Fanny regaling, adorable guinea pig meet and greets that soon turn frisky, witty references and slow-burn cybersex that all amounts to a comedy of errors at the expense of Ms. Fanny Pack. Hard Code is a misadventure romantic comedy where all that can go wrong does but where some things also go right. My first Misha Bell was pure light entertainment, a pleasant surprise and crisp graceless joy.
Content Warning: Some swearing, one bedroom scene, general adult content and an office harassment scene.
Extra Thoughts:
1) One remark made by the heroine about looking like a cancer patient when she accidentally compromises the integrity of her eyebrow may offend readers. The humour is loud but this specific reference may turn heads for sensitive readers.
2) Logistically speaking, and as aforementioned in my review, I'm assuming there were some pages missing in my copy. I'm not sure how many pages were absent but I felt hesitant to carry on just because I wasn’t sure what developments had transpired (that I might’ve missed) within that time between Vlad and Fanny. My OCD self very much did not enjoy this.
3) Let it be known that there's just something irresistible to me about a gorgeous guy using very adult toys, but let us not psychoanalyse.
Some Favourite Quotes
According to some jokes, the Impaler doesn’t like the light, and according to others, he needs the privacy to make his kills in peace.
Soft music is vibrating the airwaves in here. In the Hall of the Mountain King by Edvard Grieg—a fitting melody to get exsanguinated to.
“Thank you,� I stammer before the silence veers into uncomfortable territory. “I love working here.� And by love, I mean tolerate. But what’s a little white lie between a monster and his prey?
What the hell does she want? There’s micromanaging, and then there’s interrupting your loyal employee from finding Nemo.
Only now do I realize that he’s basically telling me how to do my job—which would be like me teaching him how to properly drink blood.
“The hardware is inside,� he says. A hybrid between a hiccup and a giggle escapes my throat. He just called a collection of dildos hardware, and probably not as a joke.
Annoyingly, Vlad’s face only shows the neutral professionalism he’s been displaying throughout this whole encounter. Maybe he’s one of Anne Rice’s vampires—her older ones become as if made of stone over time.
“How do you feel?�
“Like getting Exit Only tattooed on my left butt cheek,� I blurt, then redden painfully. His expression is unreadable, his demeanor as aloof as ever.
Ava, however, looks positively gleeful. “Make that a tramp stamp.�
I glare at her.
“Actually, that might not work as intended,� the Impaler says, his tone utterly serious. “Some may take it as a challenge.�
Oh. My. God. Does he realize what he just said? Ava makes a choking sound as I hustle to the elevator, determined to hide my flaming face.
He adjusts his glasses. “A bogatyr is a warrior from Russian legends.�
I cock my head. “So this Russian Snow White lives with seven warrior dudes?� He nods. “That sounds like a reverse harem romance.�
Amusement glimmers in the blue depths of his eyes. “I think she stays pure for her prince—who’s not one of the ‘dudes.� Also, the Disney version could be seen as reverse harem also, if your mind is dirty enough.�
As someone whose mind is never far out of the gutter, I redden as I picture Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, and Sleepy in a gang bang with Snow White.
Could he be the Ivan, as in The Terrible? I can picture it now: The Impaler was feeling feeling lonely, found a man with a name almost as grandiose as his own, turned him, and began a beautiful friendship.
He bites his lip and nods. I slowly get him to fifty-percent intensity. His jaw muscles tense and his pupils dilate even more as his eyes roam my face with the hunger of a predator. I like it. A bit too much.
I feel doubly jealous. That should be me rubbing noses with him, or at least it should be me that my pet rubs noses with. “You’re a guinea pig whisperer,� I mutter as he gently puts Monkey into the aquarium. It’s either that, or he does have those vampiric powers after all, the ones that allow him to make animals his bitches.
“So, Fannychka, do you have any Russian in you?� Natasha asks.
If I say no, will she say “do you want some?� and point at Vlad?
I. Am. So. Turned. On. “You had vodka in your system,� he continues without letting me go. “And I—� He takes a deep breath. “I want your mind clear when you beg me to fuck you.�
----------------------------------------------------
Visit my blog for more reviews:
T W I T T E R: @VicariousHearts
I N S T A G R A M: @Vicarious.Hearts
----------------------------------------------------
I lovingly clasp her small hand. “I was actually going to say: Will you make me the happiest vampire in history by letting me finally turn you, so we can spend an eternity together?� She spreads the fingers on her free hand. “Yes. Please. I’ve always wanted to sparkle in the sunlight.�
“Mina?� Has he forgotten that I’m Fanny? And why am I in third person all of a sudden? His sexy lips quirk. “Mina was Dracula’s romantic interest. I figured since you named mine, I’d help you name yours.� Holy vampirism. He’s beyond perfect.
I preface this review by confessing that I didn't start this book with the greatest of expectations but I finished with pleasant surprise, lightweight joy, weightless appreciation and a recently-discovered impulse to browse through the written miscellanea of the writing partnership that is Misha Bell. The authors had me a smart high-tech sex toys and the rest my friends, is mirthful history.
Fanny Pack is the quirky heroine of this ripe rom-com of mishap and mischance. If you're doing a double take at that name, what you're privy to is the quintessence of Misha Bell's style of comic relief with Hard Code. You're in for a slew of epithets courtesy of a heroine with a taste for nicknaming all manner of paraphernalia, who's bolder than she believes, blushes with the ferocity of a ripe autumn plumb and has the firmest luck of the clumsy. I believe romantic lit should have a place for every type of heroine, and Fanny’s succession of errors, her imagination, oddball habits and graceless imperfection call to the karmic luck of the draw, all of which I appreciated.
With a computer science degree under her belt and an animation-inspired app that's currently in the works, Fanny Pack is angling her way into her software firm's code development team. As it is, she's currently a tester who's just been tasked with a discretionary high priority project: to test a range of tech-enhanced adult toys. We know that karma isn't quite a benevolent force in the life of Fanny, and sure enough, her perfect trial tester backs out at the last minute, leaving her with a line-up of high-tech adult apparatus, slim choices all around and panic the size of her misfortune.
With slim pickings and as she leans toward the idea of being her own trial sampler, it opens up the merits of proving something to herself. If her latest ex left her for her lack of sexual deviance, this little adventurous project is the perfect pick-me-up. And the fruits of Fanny's boldness ropes in none other than her boss's boss and CEO of the company, Vlad Chortsky.
Reclusive workaholic and severe professionalist with a surround sound of mystique, he's private, he's prosperous and his untouchability makes him the subject ofrumours aplenty... and vampire likeability. Known around the office as 'the Impaler', he's the quarry of all vampire witticism, of which Fanny has plenty to amuse herself with, regaled within the confines of mindfully protected space, just not spoken to Vlad’s very handsome, very superhero-like face.
I'm going to cut to the chase by cutting to the heart and that's to say I dove into a pile of rom-com giggles and glee with Hard Code. It was just pure fun from first to last. If you have a taste for the silly, smutty sense of humour that consummately calls to the outrageous, you're going to fall Fanny first and Dracula deep for this one. I am your typical detail-disposed reader so I confess to readers who appreciate the same that this isn't the elaborately explicit ‘l'-dzܳٱԱ-𱹱ٳԲ� sort of read. Surprisingly, the above wasn't a problem for me. After finishing up with a darker series I wanted perky, blithe and breezy so this book made it remarkably easy for me to let go and take everything in stride. Most of which worked in my fickle favour to maximal effect.
Hard Code isn’t overly sexed nor does it come with an overfill of smut. The one actual bedroom scene materialises after a slow burn build up of ‘pǴڱDzԲ� cybersex that assumes the role of foreplay. Very raunchy in that inappropriate boss/employee paradigm. It teases and taunts but is still saucy and sexy in the same vein. Both the story along with the characters were just a breeze to read and this was definitely one of those reads that drew me in with its funny without a need to overthink.
If I were to cry out a complaint however, It’s that I’m certain a few pages at minimum were missing right at tail end of chapter 19 because Vlad and Fanny are in the middle of a conversation that abruptly ends, bringing with it the events of chapter 20 without a lead up to Fanny meeting Vlad’s family. The abrupt scene change was a jarring and quelled the flow for me but since I seem to be the only one lament this, I think (for whatever reason) this might’ve been an issue with my personal e-book copy. My only other complaint is that I wished this were longer.
For all its length and writing style, there isn’t a lot of depth development wise, nor do the authors intend for a deep and heartfelt storyline so I wouldn’t expect tortured characters or brooding struggles with something to overcome if you decide to take your chances. As this was a slow burn with - what felt like - a fast ride to the ‘L� word despite it being professed right at the end, the road to the HEA was probably too quick for me. But as we speak of the relationship in question, Fanny and Vlad’s chemistry is just adorable, warm and built on similarities that do appear to transcend that of physical attraction, though there is clearly that too.
FANNY: A heroine in the STEM field who can (just about) pull off professional and comes packing with unrepentant eccentricity? I'm all ears and at attention. As someone who identifies with a strong and unusual sense of quirk and also affectionately nicknames various items of possession, I thought she was lovably off-centre with brains to match. She’s blatantly quirky and quick to embarrass in the same breath while still arriving with a sense of insecurity. She does brandish that slapstick vibe, which I realise was a point of contention for some readers but personally, she didn’t feel too much for me.
It’s also worth mentioning that the authors don’t pry into the landscape of Fanny’s physical appearance, and this reinforces the basis of a relationship that (while isn’t noticeably deep) is above being skin-deep, much as Fanny herself likes to ogle her Russian superior’s beautiful hide. Though I do put it out there that I really don’t blame her. Of course, there’s the cliche of the average female who gets the supernaturally good-looking non-average male but the twist is that our hero isn’t superficially-minded. Dare I say the sapiosexualism simmers? Let us dare.
Though Fanny gets full POV rights, and we do get testimony that Vlad was attracted to her from the moment he saw her (evidenced by the epilogue from his one-and-only POV), I felt confident in his attraction as there were enough signals to gauge reciprocated feelings.
VLAD: Though Vlad is your classic assertive bossman; a formal, fearless, stand-offish and well-proportioned-in-every-way hero, he also doubles as a reclusive Matrix-loving braniac who’s hard for privacy and smitten with his guinea pig. While Fanny's the graceless geek incarnate, Vlad's the graceful alpha geek contained. I secretly loved his protective mother-henning every time he fussed over Fanny. To see him them both connect over all and their very many commonalities was adorable, as was that one imperceptive moment in his limo when he glances between his laptop and Fanny and you know it’s a decision between work or woman that he was a goner.Also did I mention that he’s a Russian hero who doesn’t assume the secret life as a mafioso? You do switch it up Misha Bell.
But more importantly, I need to alert the cavalry for small merrymaking fiesta because I myself was wholly smitten by the presence of a non-promiscuous, non-resistant hero. Let’s take in those beautiful adjectives very deeply. Romance doesn't often hand over the spotlight to such male anomalies so it's more than unembelished for me to say that I loved this multi-talented culture buff who, despite being mysteriously aloof, was clearly charmed by his heroine the whole way through. I’ve read from a plethora of fictional males who resist their heroine like she’s the bringer of the next Armageddon so Vlad was just a delight who dispels this while maintaining his manly mystery. As aforementioned, this was a heroine-only narrated POV but I felt that there were enough signals from Vlad to determine where he stood.
Hard Code does have a mixed reception of feedback. I realise that some readers felt that the humour was forcibly grandiose and the promise of laugh-out-loud backfires. I didn’t quite laugh out loud myself but there was snickering and smirking aplenty, all bound with an adhesive I call joy. I personally found that this book wasn’t too much for me and nor did the characters feel too much for me. I did harbour some critique but none of it was a deal-breaker. I’ve read from neither Anna Zaires nor Dima Zales but perhaps it was fated that I initiated myself with them both as one as they come together as Misha Bell for this line of ‘Hard Stuff� rom-coms.
Fall down Misha Bell’s rom-com rabbit hole with an offbeat heroine who doesn’t believe she’s adventurous enough, has tasteful code but graceless poise, her Russian hero who may or may not be a vampire but is still the target of all vampire similitudes, would beg to differ about his heroine’s lack of adventurousness and rescues blushing maidens with intrusive objects in entry chambers. You’ll also enjoy inappropriate Fanny-to-Fanny regaling, adorable guinea pig meet and greets that soon turn frisky, witty references and slow-burn cybersex that all amounts to a comedy of errors at the expense of Ms. Fanny Pack. Hard Code is a misadventure romantic comedy where all that can go wrong does but where some things also go right. My first Misha Bell was pure light entertainment, a pleasant surprise and crisp graceless joy.
Content Warning: Some swearing, one bedroom scene, general adult content and an office harassment scene.
Extra Thoughts:
1) One remark made by the heroine about looking like a cancer patient when she accidentally compromises the integrity of her eyebrow may offend readers. The humour is loud but this specific reference may turn heads for sensitive readers.
2) Logistically speaking, and as aforementioned in my review, I'm assuming there were some pages missing in my copy. I'm not sure how many pages were absent but I felt hesitant to carry on just because I wasn’t sure what developments had transpired (that I might’ve missed) within that time between Vlad and Fanny. My OCD self very much did not enjoy this.
3) Let it be known that there's just something irresistible to me about a gorgeous guy using very adult toys, but let us not psychoanalyse.
Some Favourite Quotes
According to some jokes, the Impaler doesn’t like the light, and according to others, he needs the privacy to make his kills in peace.
Soft music is vibrating the airwaves in here. In the Hall of the Mountain King by Edvard Grieg—a fitting melody to get exsanguinated to.
“Thank you,� I stammer before the silence veers into uncomfortable territory. “I love working here.� And by love, I mean tolerate. But what’s a little white lie between a monster and his prey?
What the hell does she want? There’s micromanaging, and then there’s interrupting your loyal employee from finding Nemo.
Only now do I realize that he’s basically telling me how to do my job—which would be like me teaching him how to properly drink blood.
“The hardware is inside,� he says. A hybrid between a hiccup and a giggle escapes my throat. He just called a collection of dildos hardware, and probably not as a joke.
Annoyingly, Vlad’s face only shows the neutral professionalism he’s been displaying throughout this whole encounter. Maybe he’s one of Anne Rice’s vampires—her older ones become as if made of stone over time.
“How do you feel?�
“Like getting Exit Only tattooed on my left butt cheek,� I blurt, then redden painfully. His expression is unreadable, his demeanor as aloof as ever.
Ava, however, looks positively gleeful. “Make that a tramp stamp.�
I glare at her.
“Actually, that might not work as intended,� the Impaler says, his tone utterly serious. “Some may take it as a challenge.�
Oh. My. God. Does he realize what he just said? Ava makes a choking sound as I hustle to the elevator, determined to hide my flaming face.
He adjusts his glasses. “A bogatyr is a warrior from Russian legends.�
I cock my head. “So this Russian Snow White lives with seven warrior dudes?� He nods. “That sounds like a reverse harem romance.�
Amusement glimmers in the blue depths of his eyes. “I think she stays pure for her prince—who’s not one of the ‘dudes.� Also, the Disney version could be seen as reverse harem also, if your mind is dirty enough.�
As someone whose mind is never far out of the gutter, I redden as I picture Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, and Sleepy in a gang bang with Snow White.
Could he be the Ivan, as in The Terrible? I can picture it now: The Impaler was feeling feeling lonely, found a man with a name almost as grandiose as his own, turned him, and began a beautiful friendship.
He bites his lip and nods. I slowly get him to fifty-percent intensity. His jaw muscles tense and his pupils dilate even more as his eyes roam my face with the hunger of a predator. I like it. A bit too much.
I feel doubly jealous. That should be me rubbing noses with him, or at least it should be me that my pet rubs noses with. “You’re a guinea pig whisperer,� I mutter as he gently puts Monkey into the aquarium. It’s either that, or he does have those vampiric powers after all, the ones that allow him to make animals his bitches.
“So, Fannychka, do you have any Russian in you?� Natasha asks.
If I say no, will she say “do you want some?� and point at Vlad?
I. Am. So. Turned. On. “You had vodka in your system,� he continues without letting me go. “And I—� He takes a deep breath. “I want your mind clear when you beg me to fuck you.�
----------------------------------------------------
Visit my blog for more reviews:
T W I T T E R: @VicariousHearts
I N S T A G R A M: @Vicarious.Hearts
----------------------------------------------------
Shelved as 'did-not-finish'
August 11, 2023DNF @10%
The main character’s name is Fanny Pack and she calls her phone Precious. Nuff said?
I should know better than to read romcoms, I don’t have the right sense of humour for the numerous dick and vagina jokes. My cringe tolerance is way too low. Plus right away we have a catty adversarial female co-worker. I have a hard no tolerance policy for female on female hatred created for drama.
It’s a nope from me.
The main character’s name is Fanny Pack and she calls her phone Precious. Nuff said?
I should know better than to read romcoms, I don’t have the right sense of humour for the numerous dick and vagina jokes. My cringe tolerance is way too low. Plus right away we have a catty adversarial female co-worker. I have a hard no tolerance policy for female on female hatred created for drama.
It’s a nope from me.
March 10, 2021
I wrote the review! And when I saved it, it shows error message instead. I hate it when technology fails me.
Well anyway... Hard Code is rom com. Mainly told from Fanny's POV. The self insight of Fanny is fun. She is a girl who is insecured but makes the fun of everything. Including her boss, Vlad. Both of them are crazy enough to test sex toys on each other.
I actually want more sexy steamy times. I want it more instead of this foreplay. I also want Vlad to show his more vulnerable side and a little bit of his POV would not hurt.
Overall Miss Bell done a good job with Hard Core. I enjoying listening to the audio book.
4 stars
Well anyway... Hard Code is rom com. Mainly told from Fanny's POV. The self insight of Fanny is fun. She is a girl who is insecured but makes the fun of everything. Including her boss, Vlad. Both of them are crazy enough to test sex toys on each other.
I actually want more sexy steamy times. I want it more instead of this foreplay. I also want Vlad to show his more vulnerable side and a little bit of his POV would not hurt.
Overall Miss Bell done a good job with Hard Core. I enjoying listening to the audio book.
4 stars
January 30, 2023
Quirky, Cute, and Techie
This was� cute? A feel good romance, very different from the Anna Zaires books I’ve read (makes sense because that pen name doesn’t have fluffy, funny books lol). Although there was some steam, I wish we had more 🔥.
Fanny Pack’s (24 …yeah� that’s her name😅) being told she needs to test out smeex toys. She’s hanging out with her best friend at Starbucks when she sees this hunky man with glasses. Once she picks her jaw off the floor. She discusses with her best friend her plans for testing- a showgirl from a different country and her boyfriend will be trying out the toys. Except the showgirl decides to become a nun and is no longer available.
It’s all good…� so� um� Fanny must test them out on herself now😅.
She comes to find out the hottie she saw at Starbucks is none other than her boss’s boss, Vladimir (Vlad... or she uses euphemisms for a vampire as well lol)� and she might have, maybe, accidentally, taken his picture without his knowledge on an app she developed and found him to look like an animated Superman 😉.
All seems to be going well with testing, until she accidentally uses the wrong toy that’s meant for a man. Hmmm� I wonder how she’ll test the male toys? 🤔
What I liked:
—the feel good/comedic aspect. Fanny is quirky, awkward, and says things I’d totally say or think 😅
—the fact that she’s so tech savvy and knows her iiish. I love that she’s smart, thinks on her feet, and can figure out solutions (or can hack into computers) at the drop of a hat 😅
—their connection. From the Guinea pigs to the Matrix, these two had a pretty unique connection
—the 🔥. There’s a loooot of buildup. This is definitely slow burn. There’s some tension and we get ONE (😒😒😒😑😑😑😑) full smeex scene (and many 💦 scenes were they were in “testing 😉� mode)
—the low angst. This is a feel good romance 🤷🏻♀�. There might be more angst in Bella’s book (the next one) because of Vlad and Bella’s parents, but I like that I didn’t have to think too hard/feel too much in this one
—THE GUINEA PIGS!!! They were soooo cute
—all the puns 🤣🤣🤣 bahahaha. Loved them. This was very punnet 🤣🤣🤣😅
—the epilogue was cute
—how JP and protective Vlad is 🥹. No man better bark up his woman’s tree� and he’ll always ALWAYS have her back 💅
What I wanted more of:
—the 🔥. Sigh. We only get ONE full smeeex scene. The ones after all ALL FTB 😑😒😐 and because this is slow burn, I definitely felt it 😒. Also, I wouldn’t have minded if all the 🔥 scenes had more detail (like when they’re testing the toys)
—an epilogue further out. The one we get is 6 months later. Maybe another one even further into their lives
—I only laughed out loud one or two times 😬😅. I DID cringe though 🤣🤣🤣 and cover my face 🫣
Overall, I enjoyed it. I wish I had more
⚠️safety squad⚠️
-no cheating/sharing/owd
-mild omd- the h’s ex comes sniffing around. The H puts him in his place💅. Another OM propositions the h. The H also puts him in his place 💅
-no condoms/both clean/on pill
-HEA/epilogue 6 months later
This was� cute? A feel good romance, very different from the Anna Zaires books I’ve read (makes sense because that pen name doesn’t have fluffy, funny books lol). Although there was some steam, I wish we had more 🔥.
Fanny Pack’s (24 …yeah� that’s her name😅) being told she needs to test out smeex toys. She’s hanging out with her best friend at Starbucks when she sees this hunky man with glasses. Once she picks her jaw off the floor. She discusses with her best friend her plans for testing- a showgirl from a different country and her boyfriend will be trying out the toys. Except the showgirl decides to become a nun and is no longer available.
It’s all good…� so� um� Fanny must test them out on herself now😅.
She comes to find out the hottie she saw at Starbucks is none other than her boss’s boss, Vladimir (Vlad... or she uses euphemisms for a vampire as well lol)� and she might have, maybe, accidentally, taken his picture without his knowledge on an app she developed and found him to look like an animated Superman 😉.
All seems to be going well with testing, until she accidentally uses the wrong toy that’s meant for a man. Hmmm� I wonder how she’ll test the male toys? 🤔
What I liked:
—the feel good/comedic aspect. Fanny is quirky, awkward, and says things I’d totally say or think 😅
—the fact that she’s so tech savvy and knows her iiish. I love that she’s smart, thinks on her feet, and can figure out solutions (or can hack into computers) at the drop of a hat 😅
—their connection. From the Guinea pigs to the Matrix, these two had a pretty unique connection
—the 🔥. There’s a loooot of buildup. This is definitely slow burn. There’s some tension and we get ONE (😒😒😒😑😑😑😑) full smeex scene (and many 💦 scenes were they were in “testing 😉� mode)
—the low angst. This is a feel good romance 🤷🏻♀�. There might be more angst in Bella’s book (the next one) because of Vlad and Bella’s parents, but I like that I didn’t have to think too hard/feel too much in this one
—THE GUINEA PIGS!!! They were soooo cute
—all the puns 🤣🤣🤣 bahahaha. Loved them. This was very punnet 🤣🤣🤣😅
—the epilogue was cute
—how JP and protective Vlad is 🥹. No man better bark up his woman’s tree� and he’ll always ALWAYS have her back 💅
What I wanted more of:
—the 🔥. Sigh. We only get ONE full smeeex scene. The ones after all ALL FTB 😑😒😐 and because this is slow burn, I definitely felt it 😒. Also, I wouldn’t have minded if all the 🔥 scenes had more detail (like when they’re testing the toys)
—an epilogue further out. The one we get is 6 months later. Maybe another one even further into their lives
—I only laughed out loud one or two times 😬😅. I DID cringe though 🤣🤣🤣 and cover my face 🫣
Overall, I enjoyed it. I wish I had more
⚠️safety squad⚠️
-no cheating/sharing/owd
-mild omd- the h’s ex comes sniffing around. The H puts him in his place💅. Another OM propositions the h. The H also puts him in his place 💅
-no condoms/both clean/on pill
-HEA/epilogue 6 months later
January 13, 2023
”This is how Mowgli must’ve felt when he first met Kaa.�
I can’t even. 😂 Hard Code put the F.U.N. in funny.
A best friend that you probably should never take in public, a pet guinea pig named Monkey, a humiliating and awkward hospital visit, and a hair removal incident gone horribly wrong. Ahh I gobbled this book up! Fanny Pack is our FMC. Not kidding, that’s her name. Our hero, Fanny’s boss, is Vlad � aka Vlad the Impaler aka Hottie McDark. Fanny is a programmer tasked with testing adult toys. Plans fall through and she ends up having to test them on herself and with her boss. TBH I was not expecting much from a rom-com novella to begin with. Heavy on the com and light on the rom btw. However, I did anticipate a lot of heat. Unfortunately, it never got to the level I had hoped for. Those scenes felt lacking. Thankfully, the toy testing was spicy. I laughed out loud countless times and highlighted entire pages. Never done that before. The humor was cheesy and cliche at times, but it all worked. Well, for me at least.
The audiobook was a fantastic listen. This will be my book hangover cure and palate cleanser moving forward.
Quotes
“And you’re meeting him today? Shouldn’t there be garlic around your neck, or a cross inside your panties?�
“Does he glitter?� “I’ll find out today.� Hottie McDark is now walking our way, so it takes everything I have to keep my cool. “I checked out his code for this app, and it was very elegant and inventive—appropriate for a centuries-old creature of the night.
How many hours is it socially appropriate to hold a hand like this?
Strictly speaking, it’s a carry-on suitcase—but only in the same sense as a disco ball is a globe. It’s covered in frilly polka dots and bejeweled with so many differently colored stones, you’d think a rainbow-farting unicorn had ejaculated on it.
Can you have a heart attack from being too turned on?
I debate whether to die on the spot or not. Pretty sure people have fallen on a sword for much less�
If I ever get therapy, I’m sure I’ll bring it up. A lot.
I must’ve used up all my boldness and bravery yesterday.
I can’t even. 😂 Hard Code put the F.U.N. in funny.
A best friend that you probably should never take in public, a pet guinea pig named Monkey, a humiliating and awkward hospital visit, and a hair removal incident gone horribly wrong. Ahh I gobbled this book up! Fanny Pack is our FMC. Not kidding, that’s her name. Our hero, Fanny’s boss, is Vlad � aka Vlad the Impaler aka Hottie McDark. Fanny is a programmer tasked with testing adult toys. Plans fall through and she ends up having to test them on herself and with her boss. TBH I was not expecting much from a rom-com novella to begin with. Heavy on the com and light on the rom btw. However, I did anticipate a lot of heat. Unfortunately, it never got to the level I had hoped for. Those scenes felt lacking. Thankfully, the toy testing was spicy. I laughed out loud countless times and highlighted entire pages. Never done that before. The humor was cheesy and cliche at times, but it all worked. Well, for me at least.
The audiobook was a fantastic listen. This will be my book hangover cure and palate cleanser moving forward.
Quotes
“And you’re meeting him today? Shouldn’t there be garlic around your neck, or a cross inside your panties?�
“Does he glitter?� “I’ll find out today.� Hottie McDark is now walking our way, so it takes everything I have to keep my cool. “I checked out his code for this app, and it was very elegant and inventive—appropriate for a centuries-old creature of the night.
How many hours is it socially appropriate to hold a hand like this?
Strictly speaking, it’s a carry-on suitcase—but only in the same sense as a disco ball is a globe. It’s covered in frilly polka dots and bejeweled with so many differently colored stones, you’d think a rainbow-farting unicorn had ejaculated on it.
Can you have a heart attack from being too turned on?
I debate whether to die on the spot or not. Pretty sure people have fallen on a sword for much less�
If I ever get therapy, I’m sure I’ll bring it up. A lot.
I must’ve used up all my boldness and bravery yesterday.
December 10, 2021
Romantic comedies are totally my jam! I really enjoyed Fanny and Vlad's story. Hard Code was super cute, a bit nerdy, kind of silly, and just all around entertaining!
Vlad the Impaler (which I loved Fanny calling hi) is a nerdy, sexy hero. His family was a riot with the Russian craziness you get to experience. I like that you can't figure him out in the beginning. I especially like who he became as he was slowly revealed.
Fanny was jut hilarious. First of all, her name is Fanny Pack! For real! She's also a bit nerdy but boy does this girl have some big balls! NO WAY would I ever do what she did with her boss even if my boss turned out like Vlad. That takes some serious cahonas!
This book was a fun, fast read. Thanks for making me laugh!
Vlad the Impaler (which I loved Fanny calling hi) is a nerdy, sexy hero. His family was a riot with the Russian craziness you get to experience. I like that you can't figure him out in the beginning. I especially like who he became as he was slowly revealed.
Fanny was jut hilarious. First of all, her name is Fanny Pack! For real! She's also a bit nerdy but boy does this girl have some big balls! NO WAY would I ever do what she did with her boss even if my boss turned out like Vlad. That takes some serious cahonas!
This book was a fun, fast read. Thanks for making me laugh!
January 13, 2021
***Rating at Bottom.
***If I completely ignore the humor aspect of the book.... or if majority of the humor was cut out, this book might not have been too bad.
This book represents why I rarely read Rom-Com’s anymore. I guess I take Rom-Com’s a bit more seriously than should be.
I like Rom Com’s that are truly, surprisingly & sometimes shockingly Funny and is placed in correct areas. Rather than Cliche, Predictable, Cringe & Cheesy Humor and is used all over the place.
When I read Rom-Com’s, I like it when the comedy is taken seriously by an author when it shows up unexpectedly out of nowhere as your read, rather than the comedic aspect is taken a bit too far in the way of it being every other sentence. I like breathing space when I read and even way too many comedic lines can be overly suffocating to the reader.
It’s doesn’t have a natural flow to it, it’s very ‘in your face�.
Some humor to me, was ill advised. To reference chemo, as a comparison towards the loss on an eyebrow due to Fanny carelessly using Bikini Nair, was inappropriate.
I waited to read this book for a few months...
You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to read a book like this, a book focused on smart/electronic/WiFi sex toys and when I finally got the chance to read one...it was a HUGE let down, and the sex toy testing may sound like it has a huge part in the book but if I really wanted to list the amount pages the toys were actually used, it would be very little I’m afraid, they’re written as a gimmick if anything.
I Do Not understand the continuous need to go down a Rom-Com avenue when it comes to things that are rarely written in books, to me it did/does more damage than not.
To me it also made Ms. Fanny Pack (that’s her name - first name: Fanny...last name: Pack) look way more well...dumber than I was expecting, so I couldn’t even enjoy her as the lead character. I was honestly expecting a strong smart lead female in this book, I couldn’t even connect with her nor really like her.
The app she created as well, is something I’ve encountered in a lot of books, it’s almost a go-to when technology is added as a plot in books.
The humor was okay-good/passable >at times< and other times even though I could clearly see that it was supposed to be ‘overly cheesed-out humorous/overly slap stick humor�, which made it seemed more like forced humor.
Lots of weird naming of things like Precious (phone), Monkey (a guinea pig), Glurp (dildo), Squirrel (anal sex toy), as well as quite a bit of Cartoon & Disney references and conversations. I’ve read so many books that did this that I got burnt out on it a long time ago, so sadly I couldn’t find it at all funny or fascinating to read.
I also got really bored on the full on one-sided conversation(s) with Monkey (the guinea pig).
When it came to the awaited testing scene, the scene itself seems to be quick acting & severely lacks of detail where it’s needs and there’s way too much in unnecessary places, as well as some things become a bit repetitive. The lacking of detail really comes off as cold, business like, and brief rather than >fun< for the reader. And then the intimate scenes you highly anticipated...are the next day or is the hours later type, I was expecting so much in erotic or heated scenes and there is very little and immediately fast.
But really in a way the whole book seems to lack detail in some way or another, I personally found it hard to read cause it was just ‘matter of fact & short�. I’m a natural detail oriented person so when I read, I’d like to read it as if I am there rather then read it as a recount in a journal.
Vladimir Chortsky also known as ‘Vlad the Impaler� around the company. Fanny reference him as ‘The Impaler� a lot, I got the funny but I got burned out when it’s used a bit to much.
When Vlad becomes more of a main character in the book, the book thankfully picks up and gets more entertaining in its seriousness, this starts at the 40% of the book (around Chapter 13) and then sadly flattens later.
I Give this Book 1.5-2/5 Star Rating, Listing as 2.
HEA(?): Yup.
Romance & Heat: 1-1.5/5, Hugely disappointed in both areas, it is not steamy in the least sadly.
Drama: 2.5-3(I guess)/5
Suspense: 2/5
Relationship Type: MF, issue..there is no true relationship building.
Pacing: Slow then fast and to me the HEA factor in this book makes no sense, cause there wasn’t any actual building of a relationship, one was just fashioned immediately.
Humor: 2/5, I know it might not make sense, but there’s honestly way to much of it to actually enjoy it.
That to me it became more of an annoyance rather than actually funny.
***If I completely ignore the humor aspect of the book.... or if majority of the humor was cut out, this book might not have been too bad.
This book represents why I rarely read Rom-Com’s anymore. I guess I take Rom-Com’s a bit more seriously than should be.
I like Rom Com’s that are truly, surprisingly & sometimes shockingly Funny and is placed in correct areas. Rather than Cliche, Predictable, Cringe & Cheesy Humor and is used all over the place.
When I read Rom-Com’s, I like it when the comedy is taken seriously by an author when it shows up unexpectedly out of nowhere as your read, rather than the comedic aspect is taken a bit too far in the way of it being every other sentence. I like breathing space when I read and even way too many comedic lines can be overly suffocating to the reader.
It’s doesn’t have a natural flow to it, it’s very ‘in your face�.
Some humor to me, was ill advised. To reference chemo, as a comparison towards the loss on an eyebrow due to Fanny carelessly using Bikini Nair, was inappropriate.
I waited to read this book for a few months...
You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to read a book like this, a book focused on smart/electronic/WiFi sex toys and when I finally got the chance to read one...it was a HUGE let down, and the sex toy testing may sound like it has a huge part in the book but if I really wanted to list the amount pages the toys were actually used, it would be very little I’m afraid, they’re written as a gimmick if anything.
I Do Not understand the continuous need to go down a Rom-Com avenue when it comes to things that are rarely written in books, to me it did/does more damage than not.
To me it also made Ms. Fanny Pack (that’s her name - first name: Fanny...last name: Pack) look way more well...dumber than I was expecting, so I couldn’t even enjoy her as the lead character. I was honestly expecting a strong smart lead female in this book, I couldn’t even connect with her nor really like her.
The app she created as well, is something I’ve encountered in a lot of books, it’s almost a go-to when technology is added as a plot in books.
The humor was okay-good/passable >at times< and other times even though I could clearly see that it was supposed to be ‘overly cheesed-out humorous/overly slap stick humor�, which made it seemed more like forced humor.
Lots of weird naming of things like Precious (phone), Monkey (a guinea pig), Glurp (dildo), Squirrel (anal sex toy), as well as quite a bit of Cartoon & Disney references and conversations. I’ve read so many books that did this that I got burnt out on it a long time ago, so sadly I couldn’t find it at all funny or fascinating to read.
I also got really bored on the full on one-sided conversation(s) with Monkey (the guinea pig).
When it came to the awaited testing scene, the scene itself seems to be quick acting & severely lacks of detail where it’s needs and there’s way too much in unnecessary places, as well as some things become a bit repetitive. The lacking of detail really comes off as cold, business like, and brief rather than >fun< for the reader. And then the intimate scenes you highly anticipated...are the next day or is the hours later type, I was expecting so much in erotic or heated scenes and there is very little and immediately fast.
But really in a way the whole book seems to lack detail in some way or another, I personally found it hard to read cause it was just ‘matter of fact & short�. I’m a natural detail oriented person so when I read, I’d like to read it as if I am there rather then read it as a recount in a journal.
Vladimir Chortsky also known as ‘Vlad the Impaler� around the company. Fanny reference him as ‘The Impaler� a lot, I got the funny but I got burned out when it’s used a bit to much.
When Vlad becomes more of a main character in the book, the book thankfully picks up and gets more entertaining in its seriousness, this starts at the 40% of the book (around Chapter 13) and then sadly flattens later.
I Give this Book 1.5-2/5 Star Rating, Listing as 2.
HEA(?): Yup.
Romance & Heat: 1-1.5/5, Hugely disappointed in both areas, it is not steamy in the least sadly.
Drama: 2.5-3(I guess)/5
Suspense: 2/5
Relationship Type: MF, issue..there is no true relationship building.
Pacing: Slow then fast and to me the HEA factor in this book makes no sense, cause there wasn’t any actual building of a relationship, one was just fashioned immediately.
Humor: 2/5, I know it might not make sense, but there’s honestly way to much of it to actually enjoy it.
That to me it became more of an annoyance rather than actually funny.
April 27, 2021
Che sorpresa scoprire che dietro a Misha Bell ci siano Anna Zaires e suo marito!
Il titolo è totalmente fuorviante, facendo pensare a un contenuto erotico che non c'è, nonostante si parli di sex toys.
È stata una storia davvero carina e piacevole da leggere, l'amore arriva con i suoi tempi e senza colpo di fulmine. Non ci sono colpi di scena, ma si fa leggere lo stesso benissimo.
Il titolo è totalmente fuorviante, facendo pensare a un contenuto erotico che non c'è, nonostante si parli di sex toys.
È stata una storia davvero carina e piacevole da leggere, l'amore arriva con i suoi tempi e senza colpo di fulmine. Non ci sono colpi di scena, ma si fa leggere lo stesso benissimo.
January 10, 2021
Such a fun, smexy read with plenty of geeky references.
Fanny was so easy to like. She’s got aspirations but along the way she’s involved in the testing of toys for the bedroom that are being manipulated by someone elsewhere. Things get a little crazy when her test subject can’t follow through and that’s when this story really takes a jump into smexy shenanigans.
Since we don’t get Vlad’s point of view, I wasn’t able to connect with him, but I enjoyed imagining what he was thinking or why he was reacting in certain ways. There were definitely enough situations to give me a strong idea of what his intentions were.
While this is a rom-com with a bit of raunchy humor, I found this to not be of the offensive variety. And I usually do not enjoy such books but this was pure fun and sizzling chemistry. I’m curious if there will be other books including some of the secondary characters. They were not predominate in the story, but they still added so much more to the laughs.
Heroine POV with the exception of the Hero’s in the epilogue
Safe
Triggers
Fanny was so easy to like. She’s got aspirations but along the way she’s involved in the testing of toys for the bedroom that are being manipulated by someone elsewhere. Things get a little crazy when her test subject can’t follow through and that’s when this story really takes a jump into smexy shenanigans.
Since we don’t get Vlad’s point of view, I wasn’t able to connect with him, but I enjoyed imagining what he was thinking or why he was reacting in certain ways. There were definitely enough situations to give me a strong idea of what his intentions were.
While this is a rom-com with a bit of raunchy humor, I found this to not be of the offensive variety. And I usually do not enjoy such books but this was pure fun and sizzling chemistry. I’m curious if there will be other books including some of the secondary characters. They were not predominate in the story, but they still added so much more to the laughs.
Heroine POV with the exception of the Hero’s in the epilogue
Safe
Triggers
July 26, 2022
3,5 / 5
Kurgu biraz saçmaydı ama eğlenceli bir kitaptı.
Kurgu biraz saçmaydı ama eğlenceli bir kitaptı.
May 18, 2021
Franchement, ce roman est une pépite ; il est drôle et loufoque. Il est presque impossible de ne pas s'attacher au personnage de Fanny qui est imprévisible avec ses bêtises qui sont parfois tordantes ou encore de Vlad, notre vampire qui est, c'est le moins que l'on puisse dire, surprenant.
En commençant cette lecture, je ne savais pas où cela allait vraiment me mener. Mais je n'ai pas été déçue du voyage. J'ai bien rigolé, j'ai aussi apprécié le développement des personnages ainsi que l'intrigue. Ce n'est pas une grande histoire avec une intrigue extraordinaire, mais tout de même je me suis laissée surprendre à plusieurs reprises par certains éléments de l'histoire.
nous réserve visiblement un tome compagnons à celui-ci avec où l'on va retrouver la meilleure amie de Fanny, Bella. Cela s'annonce génial au vu de ce que l'auteure nous a présenté de ce personnage dans ce premier tome !
En commençant cette lecture, je ne savais pas où cela allait vraiment me mener. Mais je n'ai pas été déçue du voyage. J'ai bien rigolé, j'ai aussi apprécié le développement des personnages ainsi que l'intrigue. Ce n'est pas une grande histoire avec une intrigue extraordinaire, mais tout de même je me suis laissée surprendre à plusieurs reprises par certains éléments de l'histoire.
nous réserve visiblement un tome compagnons à celui-ci avec où l'on va retrouver la meilleure amie de Fanny, Bella. Cela s'annonce génial au vu de ce que l'auteure nous a présenté de ce personnage dans ce premier tome !
April 16, 2023
2⭐️
The female mcs name was Fanny Pack.
That’s the level of humor in this book. I did not like it.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy crude and sex jokes. But this was more so cringe� in the bad way.
I also absolutely hate when people talk to their animals. It’s normally a cat or a dog, but in this case, it was a Guinea pig. That the author wrote a whole page explaining the female mc didn’t want or like it but was forced to keep it when her ex left lol yet she talks to us like it’s an actual person, asking questions and what not.
Also, I disliked the negative way she spoke about sex workers. And I even more so disliked her then trying to make statements to act like she was not being negative about sex workers / justify it by saying “they’re probably being trafficked�
Overall, it was a no from me.
The female mcs name was Fanny Pack.
That’s the level of humor in this book. I did not like it.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy crude and sex jokes. But this was more so cringe� in the bad way.
I also absolutely hate when people talk to their animals. It’s normally a cat or a dog, but in this case, it was a Guinea pig. That the author wrote a whole page explaining the female mc didn’t want or like it but was forced to keep it when her ex left lol yet she talks to us like it’s an actual person, asking questions and what not.
Also, I disliked the negative way she spoke about sex workers. And I even more so disliked her then trying to make statements to act like she was not being negative about sex workers / justify it by saying “they’re probably being trafficked�
Overall, it was a no from me.
April 30, 2021
Mi sono divertita e svagata un po�, una storia semplice, resa intrigante dal gioco dei Sex toy. E poi Vlad è un gentleman
July 28, 2022
This was one of those Facebook ad impulse buys and unfortunately, I wasn’t so impressed. I was looking for a quick, spicy palate cleanser and this was okay, but nothing special.
Just way too silly and cheesy to be taken seriously at all, and the constant Russian stereotypes and vampire jokes was way too much after the first few chapters 😆
Just way too silly and cheesy to be taken seriously at all, and the constant Russian stereotypes and vampire jokes was way too much after the first few chapters 😆
January 28, 2021
Contemplating filing a complaint with the author vis a vis my sides and face still aching from laughing so hard at this book. Needless to say, Misha Bell nailed it with this quirky RomCom. Hard Code is a quick read that has no shortage of laugh out loud moments. I mean hullo, you had me at sex toy app developer. I now want two guinea pigs and my very own Russian vampire. Can't wait to read about more couples in this series.
May 12, 2021
Una piacevole scoperta questo libro, mi aspettavo tutt’altro e invece è stata proprio una lettura divertente e piacevole! La nuova versione della Zaires (+consorte) mi è piaciuta molto
April 16, 2021
2.5* Romcom didn’t quite hit the mark.
Heroine’s name is Fanny Pack. Forget “fanny pack� the bag accessory. Deep that her name is Fanny. Might as well have called her Vagina, or puthay or pum de la pum pum.
First 40% was very flat and technical. I honestly wanted to DNF. I got the jokes but they weren’t great.. more contrived/in your face. Anytime they went to his brother’s workplace to play juvenile games, I checked out. I didn’t think her app development was that great(?)
Once she recruits the H to try the sex toys for the assignment with her the read became more engaging. Really liked the last 20%. They’re twin flames: he’s the Clark Kent to her Snow White, both coders, both have pet guinea pigs, both took pics of one another when they first saw each other..
Weirdly he’s the first Russian I’ve read in a book who’s not an assassin or in the mafia. 💀
100% safe - very low OM drama.
Thing is I really appreciate Anna Zaires as an author. Her reads are always one click safe for me. And she isn’t just a formulaic dark writer, so she can switch genres. Credit to her. She does do better with dark though.
Heroine’s name is Fanny Pack. Forget “fanny pack� the bag accessory. Deep that her name is Fanny. Might as well have called her Vagina, or puthay or pum de la pum pum.
First 40% was very flat and technical. I honestly wanted to DNF. I got the jokes but they weren’t great.. more contrived/in your face. Anytime they went to his brother’s workplace to play juvenile games, I checked out. I didn’t think her app development was that great(?)
Once she recruits the H to try the sex toys for the assignment with her the read became more engaging. Really liked the last 20%. They’re twin flames: he’s the Clark Kent to her Snow White, both coders, both have pet guinea pigs, both took pics of one another when they first saw each other..
Weirdly he’s the first Russian I’ve read in a book who’s not an assassin or in the mafia. 💀
100% safe - very low OM drama.
Thing is I really appreciate Anna Zaires as an author. Her reads are always one click safe for me. And she isn’t just a formulaic dark writer, so she can switch genres. Credit to her. She does do better with dark though.
November 29, 2021
4,5 stars. Loved this book, both MC’s were very likable! A funny romcom!
Fanny works for Vlad’s company and has to test new sex toys of his sister’s company for any bugs. The sex toys can be controlled by someone else from a different place. It’s not long before Fanny and Vlad are testing each other’s sex toys. This causes some hilarious moments, with them eventually falling in love.
Vlad was a fantastic hero, book boyfriend worthy. I would’ve preferred to read his POV, but it’s only from Fanny’s POV. There could’ve been more chemistry, then it would be a 5 star read for me. I always find single POV very one-sided and just want to know what the hero thinks.
One chapter left me hanging. Fanny asking Vlad why his last relationship ended or if he was still in one. Then on to the next chapter, without any answer, we’re at a different scene. It’s never clarified in the book.
Safe read. Hero not a manwhore. No cheating, OW/OM drama or sex with OP.
Fanny works for Vlad’s company and has to test new sex toys of his sister’s company for any bugs. The sex toys can be controlled by someone else from a different place. It’s not long before Fanny and Vlad are testing each other’s sex toys. This causes some hilarious moments, with them eventually falling in love.
Vlad was a fantastic hero, book boyfriend worthy. I would’ve preferred to read his POV, but it’s only from Fanny’s POV. There could’ve been more chemistry, then it would be a 5 star read for me. I always find single POV very one-sided and just want to know what the hero thinks.
One chapter left me hanging. Fanny asking Vlad why his last relationship ended or if he was still in one. Then on to the next chapter, without any answer, we’re at a different scene. It’s never clarified in the book.
Safe read. Hero not a manwhore. No cheating, OW/OM drama or sex with OP.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 14, 2021
Question: How is this story about a sexy toy quality assurance evaluator similar to boba tea?
Answer: They both look innocent and fun but should come with a warning: Use CAUTION while consuming!
This book had me choking with LAUGHTER. Be prepared for weird looks from bystanders as you laugh out loud, and suspicious glances from your family as you try (unsuccessfully) to wipe the perpetual grin off your face. And, if you are clumsy (like me) you might even spew your food at an inopportune moment. I mean it. This is seriously funny. And raunchy. Definitely, super romantic. Oh! And nerdy, too! Don’t believe me? You’ll see ...
P.S. Even though the main characters� names are Fanny and Vlad, I fell in love with Monkey and Oracle as well (see below):
Answer: They both look innocent and fun but should come with a warning: Use CAUTION while consuming!
This book had me choking with LAUGHTER. Be prepared for weird looks from bystanders as you laugh out loud, and suspicious glances from your family as you try (unsuccessfully) to wipe the perpetual grin off your face. And, if you are clumsy (like me) you might even spew your food at an inopportune moment. I mean it. This is seriously funny. And raunchy. Definitely, super romantic. Oh! And nerdy, too! Don’t believe me? You’ll see ...
P.S. Even though the main characters� names are Fanny and Vlad, I fell in love with Monkey and Oracle as well (see below):
April 25, 2021
Purtroppo qui l'umorismo è eccessivo, tanto da far risultare la lettura stucchevole e troppo fantasiosa. Alcune situazioni sono alquanto improbabili. La trama è anche originale, ma è stata sviluppata troppo frettolosamente e poco approfonditamente.
April 29, 2021
💋Recensione per il blog New Adult e dintorni💋
Arriva in Italia Misha Bell che non è altro che uno pseudonimo, dietro al quale si cela la coppia d’autori Anna Zaires, che tutte conosciamo per i suoi dark romance, e il marito Dima Zales, scrittore di fantasy. Una bella chimica la loro che ha partorito il primo di una esilarante serie di Humor e Office romance che vi farà sbellicare dalle risate con una forte componente hot. Vladimir è il capo al quadrato, il capo del capo di Fanny, sono due programmatori molto nerd e nel testare sexy toys con applicazioni avanzare instaureranno un’ustionante connessione.
Fanny Pack ha un nome che è tutto un programma, uno scherzo del destino da parte di due genitori veramente improbabili e molto imbarazzanti, marsupio è il suo significato. Si trova da Starbucks con l’amica nonché compagna di risate e sventure, Ava, quando incontra Mr Schianto Tenebroso che le sta facendo rivalutare l’astinenza verso l’altro sesso vista la sua disastrosa carriera amorosa.
Per uno scherzo del destino il ragazzo affascinante si rivelerà il capo dell’azienda in cui lavora, la Binary Birch e lui ‘l’impalatore� in persona Vladimir Chortsky. Russo e inavvicinabile, girano diverse dicerie metropolitane su di lui, la sua freddezza e la sua presenza solo on-line, alle decisive riunioni aziendali, lo fanno apparire inavvicinabile ma da adesso Fanny ha tutta la sua attenzione in quanto deve portare avanti un progetto molto importante per l’azienda.
Testare sexy toys per ambo i sessi potrebbe essere stimolante ma farlo con la controparte maschile e il suo capo al quadrato per giunta li farà piombare in infiniti preliminari comici e lussuriosi e invaghirsi l’uno dell’altra sarà l’inevitabile passo successivo.
‘Oh. Mio. Dio. Se fossi un computer, i messaggi di errore di sistema starebbero suonando a tutto volume attraverso i miei altoparlanti. Il cuore mi batte forte, e mi si rizzano tutti i peli del corpo, come se una corrente elettrica mi scorresse sotto la pelle. Sono. Così. Eccitata!�
In alcuni momenti ho riso fino alle lacrime, Fanny è un disastro e la sua leggerezza e ingenuità saranno i suoi punti di forza.
Il libro è praticamente tutto dal suo punto di vista, anche se gli autori con garbo, ci hanno fatto capire i pensieri di Vlad e ci regalano anche un unico pov finale tutto maschile che lasciatevi dire, è la ciliegina sulla torta, ci chiarirà altre cose e ci farà amare ancor di più l’algido Vlad.
Lui, proprio grazie alle caratteristiche caratteriali dei personaggi rimane sempre un passo indietro rispetto al vulcano Fanny ma i suoi gesti e le sue attenzioni verso la sua dipendente preferita sono inequivocabili e sicuramente questa frase non avrà più lo stesso senso per me...
“Prima le signore?�
Molto sexy, con un alto livello di ironia e combustione che tengono alto il ritmo di una narrazione fluida e semplice. Il plot, è frivolo e senza grossi colpi di scena e a tratti un po' spinto, quel tanto che basta a far diventare il tutto estremamente spassoso. La miscela di tutti questi elementi insieme riesce a farti rimanere incollata al kindle portandoti in un soffio al finale.
Aspetto gli altri due fratelli Chortsky nei prossimi capitoli della serie, ci sono presupposti molto interessanti anche se ritrovare una svitata come Fanny sarà difficile.
Lo consiglio alle amanti delle Rom Com sexy. Se volete ridere di gusto e non soffrite libri con scene hot, questo è sicuramente il libro che fa per voi. D'altronde io sono dell'avviso che c'è sempre bisogno di una dose di sano divertimento nella nostra vita.
Arriva in Italia Misha Bell che non è altro che uno pseudonimo, dietro al quale si cela la coppia d’autori Anna Zaires, che tutte conosciamo per i suoi dark romance, e il marito Dima Zales, scrittore di fantasy. Una bella chimica la loro che ha partorito il primo di una esilarante serie di Humor e Office romance che vi farà sbellicare dalle risate con una forte componente hot. Vladimir è il capo al quadrato, il capo del capo di Fanny, sono due programmatori molto nerd e nel testare sexy toys con applicazioni avanzare instaureranno un’ustionante connessione.
Fanny Pack ha un nome che è tutto un programma, uno scherzo del destino da parte di due genitori veramente improbabili e molto imbarazzanti, marsupio è il suo significato. Si trova da Starbucks con l’amica nonché compagna di risate e sventure, Ava, quando incontra Mr Schianto Tenebroso che le sta facendo rivalutare l’astinenza verso l’altro sesso vista la sua disastrosa carriera amorosa.
Per uno scherzo del destino il ragazzo affascinante si rivelerà il capo dell’azienda in cui lavora, la Binary Birch e lui ‘l’impalatore� in persona Vladimir Chortsky. Russo e inavvicinabile, girano diverse dicerie metropolitane su di lui, la sua freddezza e la sua presenza solo on-line, alle decisive riunioni aziendali, lo fanno apparire inavvicinabile ma da adesso Fanny ha tutta la sua attenzione in quanto deve portare avanti un progetto molto importante per l’azienda.
Testare sexy toys per ambo i sessi potrebbe essere stimolante ma farlo con la controparte maschile e il suo capo al quadrato per giunta li farà piombare in infiniti preliminari comici e lussuriosi e invaghirsi l’uno dell’altra sarà l’inevitabile passo successivo.
‘Oh. Mio. Dio. Se fossi un computer, i messaggi di errore di sistema starebbero suonando a tutto volume attraverso i miei altoparlanti. Il cuore mi batte forte, e mi si rizzano tutti i peli del corpo, come se una corrente elettrica mi scorresse sotto la pelle. Sono. Così. Eccitata!�
In alcuni momenti ho riso fino alle lacrime, Fanny è un disastro e la sua leggerezza e ingenuità saranno i suoi punti di forza.
Il libro è praticamente tutto dal suo punto di vista, anche se gli autori con garbo, ci hanno fatto capire i pensieri di Vlad e ci regalano anche un unico pov finale tutto maschile che lasciatevi dire, è la ciliegina sulla torta, ci chiarirà altre cose e ci farà amare ancor di più l’algido Vlad.
Lui, proprio grazie alle caratteristiche caratteriali dei personaggi rimane sempre un passo indietro rispetto al vulcano Fanny ma i suoi gesti e le sue attenzioni verso la sua dipendente preferita sono inequivocabili e sicuramente questa frase non avrà più lo stesso senso per me...
“Prima le signore?�
Molto sexy, con un alto livello di ironia e combustione che tengono alto il ritmo di una narrazione fluida e semplice. Il plot, è frivolo e senza grossi colpi di scena e a tratti un po' spinto, quel tanto che basta a far diventare il tutto estremamente spassoso. La miscela di tutti questi elementi insieme riesce a farti rimanere incollata al kindle portandoti in un soffio al finale.
Aspetto gli altri due fratelli Chortsky nei prossimi capitoli della serie, ci sono presupposti molto interessanti anche se ritrovare una svitata come Fanny sarà difficile.
Lo consiglio alle amanti delle Rom Com sexy. Se volete ridere di gusto e non soffrite libri con scene hot, questo è sicuramente il libro che fa per voi. D'altronde io sono dell'avviso che c'è sempre bisogno di una dose di sano divertimento nella nostra vita.
July 1, 2023
This was bizarre in the best way possible.
The authors humour is 10/10. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it sure was entertaining.
The authors humour is 10/10. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it sure was entertaining.
June 4, 2021
I totally admit that I saw this audio book on sale and grabbed it when I saw that the great Sebastian York was one of the narrators. Unfortunately, he only narrates the epilogue. Also unfortunately, he has to narrate with a Russian accent (to be fair, he wasn't awful, but he wasn't normal narrator Sebastian either). But really the issue with this story is that it isn't really a story at all. It isn't HILARIOUS like every other reviewer seems to think. It's got some situational humor that is supposed to be funny, but it's more cringe-worthy than anything else. The entire premise of the novel is ridiculous. There is NO WAY that this would fly in any company in the country. It was borderline icky. But I'd imagine there will be lots of readers who aren't looking for realistic or in depth who will enjoy this. I found it too shallow to engage with at all. But Sebastian York is still good enough to raise my rating up a star. Two stars. It was okay.
November 6, 2021
Me ha sorprendido para bien, la sinopsis me llamó, y juntar juguetes sexuales y programadora de apps me hizo gracia, tiene situaciones qué rayan lo absurdo pero mezclado con humor y una erotica bien integrada junto con una buena ambientación hace qué todo fluya muy bien y la parte técnica qué habla de código elegantemente programado me ganó
December 14, 2021
4.5
Hard Code was amazing!!
I laughed so much and it's what I really needed!!
The story is pretty simple and runs easily. There's no angst, and it's not steamy as I thought it would have been, but it’s cute in a nerdy way and it gonna lighten up your mood.
😂🤩😍
The only thing that would have made it better was Vlad pov, the epilogue was not enough.
Hard Code was amazing!!
I laughed so much and it's what I really needed!!
The story is pretty simple and runs easily. There's no angst, and it's not steamy as I thought it would have been, but it’s cute in a nerdy way and it gonna lighten up your mood.
😂🤩😍
The only thing that would have made it better was Vlad pov, the epilogue was not enough.
December 13, 2022
Il faut vraiment que j'arrête d'écouter les recommandations tiktok 😩
May 11, 2022
b>The couple: Vlad and Fanny
Romance genre: rom-com
Series: Hard Stuff
Length: 328 pages
Plot: Fanny works in Quality Assurance and has just been tasked with a very important project. In fact, everyone at work keeps emphasizing that she needs to work on this project to the exclusion of everything else and it's top secret. But the person who matters most at work is her boss - the boss, Vlad (the Impaler, they call him, of course). He's brilliant and hot and total catnip for someone like Fanny, who wants to move to coding, like Vlad does (when he's not running the company). But back to that project: there's a whole new batch of sex toys that need to be tested. Remote sex toys - and her tester just flaked out. Fanny has no choice but to test the products herself, but the problem is that they require a partner to operate them remotely. Lucky for her, her boss has taken an interest in the project and in her.
Commentary: I put off reading this one for a long time because I really like Anna Zaires' dark romances and I love her duet. I wasn't sure if partnering with her husband for this series/pseudonym would be a good thing or not. Luckily, I really enjoyed this story. Yes, sometimes the humor was over the top, hit you in the face, slapstick sort of stuff. I guess I was in the mood for that. I found Fanny to be charming, and Vlad was adorably awkward as well as compelling. Not quite an alpha but not quite a beta (for lack of better terms). He was smart and kind and funny and head over heels for Fanny. He wasn't the stereotypical billionaire dom manwh0re with women dripping off of his arm and a weird inheritance clause in his grandfather's will - it was a nice change for a hero.
Alas - Fanny's name: Fanny Pack. Really? Her parents are weird, yes, but...
So, to summarize: Funny story. A little much, but enjoyable nonetheless. Great characters make up for the sometimes over-the-top humor. 4.5 stars.
Next book in the series:
Romance genre: rom-com
Series: Hard Stuff
Length: 328 pages
Plot: Fanny works in Quality Assurance and has just been tasked with a very important project. In fact, everyone at work keeps emphasizing that she needs to work on this project to the exclusion of everything else and it's top secret. But the person who matters most at work is her boss - the boss, Vlad (the Impaler, they call him, of course). He's brilliant and hot and total catnip for someone like Fanny, who wants to move to coding, like Vlad does (when he's not running the company). But back to that project: there's a whole new batch of sex toys that need to be tested. Remote sex toys - and her tester just flaked out. Fanny has no choice but to test the products herself, but the problem is that they require a partner to operate them remotely. Lucky for her, her boss has taken an interest in the project and in her.
Commentary: I put off reading this one for a long time because I really like Anna Zaires' dark romances and I love her duet. I wasn't sure if partnering with her husband for this series/pseudonym would be a good thing or not. Luckily, I really enjoyed this story. Yes, sometimes the humor was over the top, hit you in the face, slapstick sort of stuff. I guess I was in the mood for that. I found Fanny to be charming, and Vlad was adorably awkward as well as compelling. Not quite an alpha but not quite a beta (for lack of better terms). He was smart and kind and funny and head over heels for Fanny. He wasn't the stereotypical billionaire dom manwh0re with women dripping off of his arm and a weird inheritance clause in his grandfather's will - it was a nice change for a hero.
Alas - Fanny's name: Fanny Pack. Really? Her parents are weird, yes, but...
So, to summarize: Funny story. A little much, but enjoyable nonetheless. Great characters make up for the sometimes over-the-top humor. 4.5 stars.
Those words sting to this very day, especially because there might’ve been a kernel of truth in them. Not that Bob was any kind of wizard in bed� not even a Hufflepuff.
Next book in the series:
March 22, 2021
Fanny Pack is a QA tester at Binary Birch and is currently tasked with testing adult toys but when her tester drops outs she must improvise and decides to test them herself after a mishap with one of the toys her sexy recluse boss comes to her rescue. The two of them decide to test the toys together which leads to a series of lunches and playdates for their two guinea pigs and the two develop feelings for one another. But a hacker soon discovers what is going on and causes problems between the couple.
I really loved this book it was absolutely hilarious and hands down the funniest book I've read in a long time. Vlad and Fanny were perfectly matched and had so much in common and it was cute that their guinea pigs Monkey and Oracle also got along really well. I'm glad they worked things out in the end.
I really loved this book it was absolutely hilarious and hands down the funniest book I've read in a long time. Vlad and Fanny were perfectly matched and had so much in common and it was cute that their guinea pigs Monkey and Oracle also got along really well. I'm glad they worked things out in the end.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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