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283 pages, Unknown Binding
Thank you. Two words that meant nothing, that meant everything.
He studied the outline of his face, the curves and angles he and Andrew had in common. They were twins, whether they wanted to be or not, whether they could stand each other or not, and it was as much a blessing as a curse. A childhood apart meant nothing, and Andrew's drugs were inconsequential in the end. Aaron still saw himself on every inch of Andrew's skin and in the tiny gestures and tics they shared. He always knew when Andrew was lying. He'd just never before seen Andrew lie to himself.
For one moment, for the first time all year, Andrew had looked—awake. Interested.
Breathe, stone, breathe, Renee thought, and crossed her fingers for luck.
Six: the number of fingers Jean’s had broken over the years. Three: the number he was ordered to break himself for Riko’s amusement. Zero: the number of days he was allowed to miss practice for these injuries.
Four: the number of times Riko pushed Jean down a flight of stairs in Evermore. Two: the number of times Jean didn’t ball up fast enough and bashed his head open on the concrete.
Two hundred and sixty-six: the total number of stitches Jean needed while under Riko’s supervision, not including the ones he received after Kengo’s death.
Ten: the number of times Riko tried waterboarding Jean. Once to see if it was as effective and traumatizing as the news made it out to be. Nine more times because it really, really was.
Sixteen: the age Jean was when Riko first ordered another Raven to fuck him.
Five: the number of times Riko passed Jean around. “Only� five, because four: the number of times Jean whispered Please don’t do this to me; four: the number of times Riko hit him for insubordination and ignored that haunted look in Jean’s eyes. The fifth time Jean didn’t break his own heart by fighting back. The fifth time he let the other Raven into his bed without a word or token protest, and that was boring as fuck, so Riko didn’t orchestrate a sixth demonstration.
One: the number of drafts in which Jean does not commit suicide.
If Renee hadn’t stolen Jean from the Ravens & Neil hadn’t bought his safety:
one hundred: the chance Jean would commit suicide graduation night.