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“An employee wanders into work late, something you’ve been meaning to talk to them about, so you say, “Late again, eh?�� and leave it at that. Or you visit your son for the weekend, notice the empty beer bottles in the garbage, and say, “I see you’re still drinking up a storm.�� These comments are intended to help. You hope your employee or your son will take the message to heart. But while your comments may help you feel a bit better (“At least I’ve said something��), they make the other person defensive and frustrated, which is unlikely to produce the kind of change you had in mind. A good rule to follow is: If you’re going to talk, talk. Really talk.”