Allow to start with this: I DNF this book. I'm at 50% and have given up. I might finish it and come to change my review. And this book made me incrediAllow to start with this: I DNF this book. I'm at 50% and have given up. I might finish it and come to change my review. And this book made me incredibly angry so it might seem as if I'm sliding into a rant (because I am sliding into a rant. ;p)
This book is an enormous letdown of epic proportions, made worse by the fact that this author has the potential to be a very good author. There is a promise of a very good book hiding in this steaming pile of shit and that makes it even worse.
Let me start out by saying (for those who get Kindle samples) that the first chapter or two rock. They really do. That beginning doesn't continue. It's not even set in the same time period as the rest of the book. It's another reason why this book really sucks because here we see how good this book could've been.
So, in short, here it is: the author doesn't describe anything. He suffers from the exact opposite of info dumping (honestly, I always wondered how that would be like and now, unfortunately, I know.) In the first couple chapters it is okay but then (after the ghost hunt) the back steps back in time to "explain" how they got there, I guess. I'm not honestly certain if that's the intention because he doesn't actually explain/describe shit.
He then continues not to explain anything. I have no idea what the plot is. This is a particular problem because this book jumps around a lot. The MC and John step out of time somehow. MC is getting calls from a phone, than a hotdog, and it's all related to some soy sauce a faux Jamaican gave to John to shot up (drug style.)
John is dead. Then John isn't dead. Then John is telling MC that he's dead while chatting to him on the phone. Then John is sharing a body with a dog. Then John is alive again. We hear more about this mysterious soy sauce super drug that can stop time, make it possible to read people's minds and see the past. It also works as XRay vision. And the dredges bit the MC from inside a used needle. Only, it's not actually soy sauce but it morphed into weird bugs that burrow into the MC's mouth when he gets to the faux Jamaican man's house? What?
Are you confused? I know I am!
To make matters worse (I didn't think it could be possible -- this book is popping cherries left and right), he takes his time describing things that are stupid and have really no point to in the book. Like, he seriously spent a page on describing the manufacturing of a defective bullet, complete with the "supernatural" reason as to why it was defective -- thus explaining why the MC survived.
OF COURSE! Supposedly the MC is hyped up on a super drug that allows him to read minds, the pasts, and intentions of people, as well as slowing down time and giving me superhuman "powers," but instead of using any of that, we're treated to pages on the manufacturing of a defective bullet...
If he'd put a tenth of that into the actual plot instead of pages on his "clever" name of a local mentally retarded girl, the endless descriptions of the faux Jamaican man (who only takes to the MC for maybe five minutes), the bullet ect, it might've been okay but he didn't....more
Overall, it was a huge mess of 'wtf isn't there supposed to be a plot in here somewhere?' The problems with this book are so numerous that it's hard tOverall, it was a huge mess of 'wtf isn't there supposed to be a plot in here somewhere?' The problems with this book are so numerous that it's hard to figure out where to start.
Characters: I hated them all, save for Emma. Everyone else was cardboard. I have no idea why half the 'inner circle' of friends was even there. They had less effect on me then window curtains. Hell, Rosswell's only function in this book seemed to be a driver. He never even put up a fuss. Oh, Mackie wants to leave. Awesome!
Mackie was worse, though. He was incredibly angsty and freaking jerk when it came to the women. We're told he's supposedly in love with Alice yet he can't bring himself to talk to her? Then we meet Tate, who's younger sister died a couple days before, and he's trying to kiss her and tell her he likes her? And he does this when he knows (view spoiler)[her sister is still alive (hide spoiler)]? And then, it that wasn't bad enough, he turned around and asked Alice to the party, basically because Tate wasn't in the mood to start a relationship with a guy she never really talked to?
Oh, and we have that lovely triangle.
The "protagonist" wasn't actually in the book for much of it and the parts that she was were incredibly melodramatic that it hurt. Like, complete with laughter as she explained her plans to him. What little there were of them.
I hated the Morrigan the most, though. I really, really, really, really hate it when authors are lazy. I'm thinking, because this has faeries in it that she was trying to go for the Morgan leFay type thing but she wanted to be 'original' so she decided to drag in the Morrigan.
The Morrigan's portrayal is everything I hate about YA authors using mythology to make it trendy (I guess.) The author tries to rectify this by giving on one sentence description of what she was in the past. The Morrigan, in Celtic mythology, is half the time three goddesses and half the time one. And she's pretty much the exact opposite of the Morrigan in this book. Playing with dolls? Are you serious?
The Plot: There was no plot. The author confuses angst with actual action. All Mackie does is be sick and angsty for half the novel (going home early and all) and then is healthy and angsty.
It just didn't make any sense what-so-ever. The whole set up made absolutely no sense at all. At one scene, the ebil villain says she doesn't need the town folk to believe in her. She just needs the pain and angst. Yet she also tells them that this town has more of that than anywhere else? What? A sleepy small town USA has more angst than any of the wars going on for the past century or two?
No! No! Damn it! Don't do this to me! I was excited about this book.
The puns are incredibly overdone but I can stand Sam and the other two. But I sweaNo! No! Damn it! Don't do this to me! I was excited about this book.
The puns are incredibly overdone but I can stand Sam and the other two. But I swear to the EBIL VILLAIN is like right out of a page from the 'this manual is for the most cliche' ebil villain you can possibly write' book of stupid writing.
Let's see (let me know if I've missed on):
1. He's cold and filthy rich, and is quietly menacing. 2. Before we even know his name or what he is, we launch into a very long back flash from the time he was a boy of five. 3. At the end, we see him killing his aunt (who taught him) and stealing her power -- of which he announces that 'she'd be so proud of me'. 4. Sam has so very little power that it's almost not worth it but this ebil villain decides to go through with it because (I SO KID YOU NOT!): "waste not want not." 5. Ebil dude has a tough guy give him a 'lesson' than beats up the tough guy for getting too physical right off the bat (and we're privvy to all this knowledge because of a conveniently placed kidnapped were is there to overhear.) 6. After he chews up said minion, he says the ultimate cliche threat: 'make certain you're worth more to me alive than DEAD!' 7. After this, he goes and finds one of Sam's friends and kills her, chops off her head, reanimates it, and sends it to the hero.
BECAUSE, LIKE, SENDING A TOUGH GUY WHO TRIES TO BEAT THE HERO UP IS TOO HARSH BUT KILLING HIS FRIENDS IS SO MUCH LESS HARSH?!
WTF? Who the fuck kills a friend of someone they HAVEN'T EVEN INTRODUCED THEMSELVES TO? I mean, Sam doesn't even know his name. Doesn't even know if it's the guy he met earlier.
*headdesk*
And I'm AMAZED! that the author didn't write any horrific, lewd puns about the ebil guy giving the hero [a] head. It's like ... the only place there is no horrible pun so you gotta know it probably was there....more
Marc: 'Damn it Faythe! How dare you want to be more than your uterus! All of this is your fault! If you'd just married me and crushThumbnail summary:
Marc: 'Damn it Faythe! How dare you want to be more than your uterus! All of this is your fault! If you'd just married me and crushed all your dreams, thus basically killing your soul, none of this would've happened, you selfish bitch!'
Faythe: 'Absolutely! I see what a fuck-up I am! I totally agree that thinking that I had a glimmer of a chance of being more than a uterus was one of those silly female flights of fantasy. Tell me some more how bad I am so I can nod and realize that sleeping with you was truly my ONLY worth in this life.'
The cover totally covers what is worth about Faythe in this series. It's just her uterus. Guard it well, Faythe! They'll kill your if you don't start popping out babies!...more
I tried to write this yesterday, but it seems like I'm sick at the moment. Bleh.
So, I'm ubber disappointed at this book. At this point in my relationsI tried to write this yesterday, but it seems like I'm sick at the moment. Bleh.
So, I'm ubber disappointed at this book. At this point in my relationship with Ms. Harrison's writing, I've never been physically disgusted with them. Certainly, some books of her other series didn't motivate me to read them. I sort of just shrugged, started new things, and moved on. I'm not at that stage with this book. It's more sadness.
I have no idea how to even describe this book. It's just a mess. There is something the main character, Mary, says about 40% through that describes my feelings for this book:
"It's like all my life I've lived in some kind of painting. There was a lot of color and detail, and the painting seemed to make sense, but either somebody has smashed the frame or I've fallen out of it somehow. The color and detail seem similar, but everything's changed. I can't go back into the painting. It's two-dimensional, and I don't fit. I don't even know how to try. But I don't understand this new reality either, or how to survive in it."
I've never read a book that says, in such clear words, everything that is wrong with the book itself. It's almost... spiritual, you know?
So here's the shinny. Mary is some ubber being from long, long ago. They all died (I guess they did this to be reborn as people) so they can capture the 7th person -- the ubber ebil being. Mary has been the 'lost' one and around 40%, she meets her (long lost) mate.
Everything else is blah-blah-blah. I couldn't bring myself to care about any of the characters. There is nothing in the book that actually makes you feel anything with Mary. The ubber ebil being is boring (like forcing conversations about chess with someone kidnapped and then doing the cliche 'tsk tsk I'm so sad you're not feeling chatty' thing.) Mike, at the beginning, sounds like he'd be ebil too, but (via a mysterious old woman) he's good. The old woman is shrug-worthy too.
I didn't care about anything and nothing, up to the point where I gave up, did anything to change that. These six ubber people (one of which was apparently Joan of Arc) are all pathetic. Seeing the brief look at the ubber ebil one, it's just more glaringly so...
Further, this book reads a lot like my favorite manga series Please Save My Earth, Volume 1 and it doesn't do a good job living up to that at all. That whole 'Mommy, I dreamed I was human' thing almost made me chuck this. I suppose Ms. Harrison doesn't realize there are those of us who have read that series... but I do wish she'd not have been so gaudy about it....more
Is there ANYTHING good about this book? Anyone? Hello?
Wait. I know the answer to this! It's the last book by this shitty author that I'll ever attemptIs there ANYTHING good about this book? Anyone? Hello?
Wait. I know the answer to this! It's the last book by this shitty author that I'll ever attempt again. I have books two and three in her other series but you know what? Fuck it.
This book is a clusterfuck of what the fuck is going on. The plot makes NO sense what-so-ever. She streamlines in this made up history that is just fucking stupid ("1200 years before the year of our lord, the first woman was burned at the stack as a witch" in some unnamed village in Europe or some such fucking stupid shit.) and makes her pretty much the queen of all Mary Sue's. Fuck. She's supposed related to Joan of Arc and Sappho, and she's the last heir to said first witch burned in some unnamed village in Europe that's some 3500 years in the making (do the maths there. 2k years since the birth of "our lord" and she was born 1.9k before that. Something doesn't add up there...)
Can she get any more Mary Sue?
There's such a hoopla about her and all of this is completely irrelevant because she was supposed to die. Heaven went through all the trouble of even siring a part angel guard and she's supposed to die.
Hell, heaven supposedly moved up her death because some little girl pray really, really hard for her father to come home (who was supposed to die that day as well.)
That really bothers me. It's stated that heaven has no choice but to answer the prayers of those who truly believe. What kind of fucking bullshit is that? That has to be the single worst idea that ever came out of Christianity. I suppose it would be useless to point out to the author that this excuse is what was used to kill the majority of people during the witch craze in Europe. Because, you know, if you were truly devote, God would save you.
And then we're told an angel and human pairing is pretty much the biggest sin an angel can do while, at the same time, having the part angel/ part human guard introducing himself.
It's all just STUPID. It's so fucking STUPID.
And then we get the authors insane need to make every other sentence a joke. I thought the jokes wouldn't be nasty in this book and I was right. Instead, they all because really stupid.
Arg. I feel like my IQ slipped 100 points after finishing this festering pile of bullshit....more
WTF did I just read? What is this steaming pile of cat shit?
This book is the WORST world building I've ever encountered. It's so bafflingly bad that IWTF did I just read? What is this steaming pile of cat shit?
This book is the WORST world building I've ever encountered. It's so bafflingly bad that I'm stunned and speechless. Did the author even attempt to consider the implications of ANYTHING? It took me thirty seconds to see the huge and OMG plot holes in this world building.
I'll give you the first example that came to my mind (because it's basically the whole book and that would take too long.)
We have here a 'pride' of cats. There are two ways that one is 'made' into a werecat. You're either born into it or are scratched and survived. Right out of the gate we encounter the first big-fucking-plot hole. Female werecats are *only* born, not made, and they are incredibly rare. The author states, for example, that there are only eight unmated werecats females in north America before all this started. They are then wed to unmated male cats destined to be the alpha's and their one goal in life is to have a girl.
Are you seeing the problem? No? How about this: prides consist almost entirely of born werecats. She has three or four brothers and their territory is spread over several states. How is this possible? If prides consist of born males, how is it possible to have a pride larger than ten or twenty at the most? How have they not devolved into incest and horrific genetic problems thereby?
The 'scratched' werecats are called strays and are (for the most part) considered to be terrible, terrible people (for some reason.) She never actually explains why this is so it's basically just a stupid plot devise. One of those 'just add water' things. Wam! Bam! Insta-supa' villains praying on innocent, virginal girls! ...more
Alisi � wants to read too many books �
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