en-US Fri, 07 Sep 2018 03:25:19 -0700 60 144 41 /images/layout/goodreads_logo_144.jpg 34913737
Magic is seeping out of the world, leaving the witches who’ve relied on it for countless centuries increasingly hopeless. While some see an inevitable end of their era, others are courting madness—willing to sacrifice former allies, friends, and family to retain the power they covet. While the other witches watch their reality unravel, young Alice Marin is using magic’s waning days to delve into the mystery of numerous disappearances in the occult circles of New Orleans. Alice disappeared once, too—caged in an asylum by blood relatives. Recently freed, she fears her family may be more involved with the growing crisis than she ever dared imagine.

Yet the more she seeks the truth about her family’s troubled history, the more she realizes her already-fragile psyche may be at risk. Discovering the cause of the vanishings, though, could be the only way to escape her mother’s reach while determining the future of all witches.]]> 320 J.D. Horn 154209710X 1


Just throw out the blurb because it's a straight out lie. This was so terrible. It's like a soap opera but the most boring soap opera you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. There's no plot, no movement, no character growth. Alice, who seems to be the MC (of the three MCs), was an emotionless stick figure that didn't react to anything. I mean that honestly. There's a scene, at the end, with a mass murder. This happens in front of her. Her reaction is just to watch it and gentle rest her hand on the killer's cheek (before scratching him.) That's all.

What's worse is that the components of this story, the ideas, the world building, etc. isn't bad. This could've been a fucking awesome story. This is one of those where I'm amazed it got published.]]> 3.61 2018
author: J.D. Horn
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.61
book published: 2018
rating: 1
read at: 2018/09/07
date added: 2018/09/07
shelves: audiobook, ghoulies-and-ghosties, no-words-can-describe-how-bad, urban-fantasy, what-did-i-just-read, what-is-the-plot-thingy, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf, this-could-have-been-so-much-better
review:
Me, after finishing:



Just throw out the blurb because it's a straight out lie. This was so terrible. It's like a soap opera but the most boring soap opera you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. There's no plot, no movement, no character growth. Alice, who seems to be the MC (of the three MCs), was an emotionless stick figure that didn't react to anything. I mean that honestly. There's a scene, at the end, with a mass murder. This happens in front of her. Her reaction is just to watch it and gentle rest her hand on the killer's cheek (before scratching him.) That's all.

What's worse is that the components of this story, the ideas, the world building, etc. isn't bad. This could've been a fucking awesome story. This is one of those where I'm amazed it got published.
]]> 32487001
There is no way to write a blurb for this final book without spoiling all of the others. Suffice it to say, mysteries resolve, dragons war, pigeons abound, and Julius must risk himself in ways he never dreamed possible as Bob’s grand plan finally comes to fruition.

But the Great Seer of the Heartstrikers isn’t the only one whose schemes are nearing completion. The Nameless End is coming, and even the machinations of the world’s most brilliant dragon seer might not be enough to stop it. As the world comes crashing down, it’s up Julius to prove what he’s always known: that seers can be wrong, and Nice Dragons don’t always finish last.]]> 311 Rachel Aaron 1952367417 2 Lake Silence atm) but this was still pretty bad. JFC, what a horrible book to finish this great series. And it pains me to give this 2 stars too. I finished this last night and was trying to think of a way to give this 3 stars, because I love the series but this was appallingly bad. Like, the author just dumped this one out and gave us the steaming pile to read.

The thing that got me with this book is that there's basically nothing in it but filler. Nearly 90% of the book is just talk and argument. You think I kid, but I do not. I was listening to the audiobook and by the 4th hr of arguing, I started keeping track.

Basically, after the prologue, the cast stayed in the same room and argued for about the first 6 1/2 to 7 hrs of the book. The exception is that Marci left around hr 5-ish. She had her own thing going for like 20 or 30 minutes, then it was back to the arguing. At one point, around 5 hrs in, Julius said something like they'd only been there for 30 minutes and I looked at my ipod and thought 'are you fucking kidding? We're past the 5 hr mark. We're like 100 pages + in and we're still in the same goddamn spot we started in, and you're trying to say they've only been talking for 30 an hr?'

What was worse was that it wasn't even really plotish type of arguing. Oh no. We got this repetitious cycle thing happening. Someone would come in, that person would threaten someone, and everyone would be like 'you'll have to go through me' after we're told how terrible they are for X reason (that happens to be plot vomit.) This literally happens at least 3 times, back to back to back.

I read another review that said something like books 4 and 5 could've been put together if the excess was removed and that got me thinking. That's the issue with this book. The two were probably one book but she cut them up, and added this massive amount of BS conversation to "cover" for it.

Literally nothing happens. They try something and it fails, then we're treated to yet more talking and discussion, because, really, what book needs any action? It's not like the first 7 hrs were just talk. Haha, that would be SILLY.

Shame on Aaron for releasing such a terrible book. She didn't even try to make this a story. I feel burned by this crap. I'm not sure I'll read the next series (because, naturally, there's a set up for me.)]]> 4.32 2018
author: Rachel Aaron
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 4.32
book published: 2018
rating: 2
read at: 2018/03/09
date added: 2018/03/14
shelves: audiobook, awesome-world-building, chick-i-respect, horribly-ending, ghoulies-and-ghosties, long-legged-beasties, scooby-do-team-players, series, shapeshifters, supernatural, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, urban-fantasy, what-did-i-just-read, what-is-the-plot-thingy, wtf
review:
Alright. Two month into the new year and I've read the most disappointing book thus far. It probably won't stay the alone disappoint (am reading Lake Silence atm) but this was still pretty bad. JFC, what a horrible book to finish this great series. And it pains me to give this 2 stars too. I finished this last night and was trying to think of a way to give this 3 stars, because I love the series but this was appallingly bad. Like, the author just dumped this one out and gave us the steaming pile to read.

The thing that got me with this book is that there's basically nothing in it but filler. Nearly 90% of the book is just talk and argument. You think I kid, but I do not. I was listening to the audiobook and by the 4th hr of arguing, I started keeping track.

Basically, after the prologue, the cast stayed in the same room and argued for about the first 6 1/2 to 7 hrs of the book. The exception is that Marci left around hr 5-ish. She had her own thing going for like 20 or 30 minutes, then it was back to the arguing. At one point, around 5 hrs in, Julius said something like they'd only been there for 30 minutes and I looked at my ipod and thought 'are you fucking kidding? We're past the 5 hr mark. We're like 100 pages + in and we're still in the same goddamn spot we started in, and you're trying to say they've only been talking for 30 an hr?'

What was worse was that it wasn't even really plotish type of arguing. Oh no. We got this repetitious cycle thing happening. Someone would come in, that person would threaten someone, and everyone would be like 'you'll have to go through me' after we're told how terrible they are for X reason (that happens to be plot vomit.) This literally happens at least 3 times, back to back to back.

I read another review that said something like books 4 and 5 could've been put together if the excess was removed and that got me thinking. That's the issue with this book. The two were probably one book but she cut them up, and added this massive amount of BS conversation to "cover" for it.

Literally nothing happens. They try something and it fails, then we're treated to yet more talking and discussion, because, really, what book needs any action? It's not like the first 7 hrs were just talk. Haha, that would be SILLY.

Shame on Aaron for releasing such a terrible book. She didn't even try to make this a story. I feel burned by this crap. I'm not sure I'll read the next series (because, naturally, there's a set up for me.)
]]> 34523174
Now, a new crew has been assembled. But this time they’re not out to entertain. Some seek to validate their life’s work. Some seek the greatest hunt of all. Some seek the truth. But for the ambitious young scientist Victoria Stewart this is a voyage to uncover the fate of the sister she lost.

Whatever the truth may be, it will only be found below the waves. But the secrets of the deep come with a price.]]> 448 Mira Grant 0316379409 2
The good: the idea is interesting. I liked the plot vehicle too and was totally aboard (pun not intended as well) cruise ship. Part of the world building were interesting as well. I also loved the mermaids, to an extent. I loved the concept behind them. It was interesting enough that if you're more of a plot person, they can kind of make it seem like there was a plot here.

The bad: everything else. Literally everything. I don't even know where to start. JFC.

The Story Editing: this was terribly done. Shockingly so. There was numerous about faces in terms of plot and characters -- and not in a 'well, we learned something new' type thing. Things would be one way in one chapter and completely change in the next. It was like this book was between story edits 2 and 3. You can see the evolution of things here, which is fascinating, but I didn't want that when I read this.

For example, in chapter 15 or 16, we are told Tori avoids Octavia like nothing else. Tori's sister died in the previous cruise and Octavia is filling the same role she had before. This is taken to such a degree that she's never gotten her on camera and we literally told that Octavia's contract says she can do a soft interview to her assistant instead of doing one with Tori. Which she does. She talks to him for an hr and this is the extent of Tori's interviewing stuff with Octavia.

In the next chapter or two, this changes to Octavia doing more on camera interviews with Tori than anyone else on the entire ship. To the point where she's worried Imagine will think something's up. And the runner up person who she's interviewed is Tori's assistant.

Like, what?

Or we're told that Heather is deaf so she didn't take the time to capture any sounds (or rather, she didn't think to do it) with her diver and paragraphs later we're told the two of them conspired to put listening stuff on her diver because Imagine would apparently overlook that. Paragraphs later.

Don't even get me started on the mermaids. We're told they use sound to lure prey to them and are given numerous examples of this, and then this gets an abrupt about face at the end where they suddenly hunt quietly.

The internal monologuing and external pontificating: you could take these out and the book would be a quarter of the size. What's worse is that it's all repetitive to the degree that you can guess who might die next. It was so obnoxious. Everyone in the book is beautiful and they know it. Literally everyone (except Jillian) states it in numerous places. Everyone is using this opportunity to "prove themselves" and states it every other chapter.

Jillian was the worst. JFC. She'd just pontificate about everything. It was horrible.

There's so much more but I don't have the time. >.<]]> 3.94 2017
author: Mira Grant
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.94
book published: 2017
rating: 2
read at: 2018/01/23
date added: 2018/01/23
shelves: audiobook, arg-the-prose-hurth-me-eyes, ebil-villain-bwa-ha-cough, horribly-ending, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, just-add-water-villain, long-legged-beasties, no-words-can-describe-how-bad, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, scooby-do-team-players, series, terrible-world-building, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, urban-scifi, what-did-i-just-read, what-is-the-plot-thingy, whiny-whiny-whiny, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf
review:
There is a God. And he is vicious. I know this because I survived reading this shit. The horror of this book has literally (pun not intended) grated on me for the entire time I was reading it.

The good: the idea is interesting. I liked the plot vehicle too and was totally aboard (pun not intended as well) cruise ship. Part of the world building were interesting as well. I also loved the mermaids, to an extent. I loved the concept behind them. It was interesting enough that if you're more of a plot person, they can kind of make it seem like there was a plot here.

The bad: everything else. Literally everything. I don't even know where to start. JFC.

The Story Editing: this was terribly done. Shockingly so. There was numerous about faces in terms of plot and characters -- and not in a 'well, we learned something new' type thing. Things would be one way in one chapter and completely change in the next. It was like this book was between story edits 2 and 3. You can see the evolution of things here, which is fascinating, but I didn't want that when I read this.

For example, in chapter 15 or 16, we are told Tori avoids Octavia like nothing else. Tori's sister died in the previous cruise and Octavia is filling the same role she had before. This is taken to such a degree that she's never gotten her on camera and we literally told that Octavia's contract says she can do a soft interview to her assistant instead of doing one with Tori. Which she does. She talks to him for an hr and this is the extent of Tori's interviewing stuff with Octavia.

In the next chapter or two, this changes to Octavia doing more on camera interviews with Tori than anyone else on the entire ship. To the point where she's worried Imagine will think something's up. And the runner up person who she's interviewed is Tori's assistant.

Like, what?

Or we're told that Heather is deaf so she didn't take the time to capture any sounds (or rather, she didn't think to do it) with her diver and paragraphs later we're told the two of them conspired to put listening stuff on her diver because Imagine would apparently overlook that. Paragraphs later.

Don't even get me started on the mermaids. We're told they use sound to lure prey to them and are given numerous examples of this, and then this gets an abrupt about face at the end where they suddenly hunt quietly.

The internal monologuing and external pontificating: you could take these out and the book would be a quarter of the size. What's worse is that it's all repetitive to the degree that you can guess who might die next. It was so obnoxious. Everyone in the book is beautiful and they know it. Literally everyone (except Jillian) states it in numerous places. Everyone is using this opportunity to "prove themselves" and states it every other chapter.

Jillian was the worst. JFC. She'd just pontificate about everything. It was horrible.

There's so much more but I don't have the time. >.<
]]> 25203675 Fate and fortune. Power and passion. What does it take to be the queen of a kingdom when you’re only seventeen?

Maya is cursed. With a horoscope that promises a marriage of death and destruction, she has earned only the scorn and fear of her father’s kingdom. Content to follow more scholarly pursuits, her whole world is torn apart when her father, the Raja, arranges a wedding of political convenience to quell outside rebellions. Soon Maya becomes the queen of Akaran and wife of Amar. Neither roles are what she expected: As Akaran’s queen, she finds her voice and power. As Amar’s wife, she finds something else entirely: Compassion. Protection. Desire�

But Akaran has its own secrets—thousands of locked doors, gardens of glass, and a tree that bears memories instead of fruit. Soon, Maya suspects her life is in danger. Yet who, besides her husband, can she trust? With the fate of the human and Otherworldly realms hanging in the balance, Maya must unravel an ancient mystery that spans reincarnated lives to save those she loves the most…including herself.

Listening Length: 9 hours and 22 minutes]]> 342 Roshani Chokshi 1250085470 1

I literally can't. My head just exploded. This gets my Worst Book of 2017 award. Me, when I finished:



When people tell me this is a great book with a great love:




What is remotely redeeming in the MC? What? She does everything anyone tells her to do. Literally everything. This entire book is people telling her to do shit and she does them, regardless of what. And I mean that in every sense of the word. This woman would jump off a building if someone told her to.

Father wants her to kill herself? 'Yup! Alrighty then!'

Random guy comes up to her and says he wants to give her the moon and stars to weave in her hair? She's all like 'SOLD!' and marries him on the spot.

She sees this random person in a mirror that she's never talked to before and this person tells her to destroy this other person because he wants to kill her. This guy hasn't done anything harmful to her and yet she goes along with it. She's like 'yup! alrighty then!'

Gets in fight with hubby and hubby says in the argument 'you're free to leave anytime' and she says 'alrighty then!' and literally dissolves herself.

And all this shit about her feelings. She does all this because it feels "right". Random weirdo you've never met before tells you to destroy someone and you don't even pause to consider it because it feels right? WHAT?

I just can't even. All the other plot issues pale in comparison to this fucking idiot.]]> 3.57 2016
author: Roshani Chokshi
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.57
book published: 2016
rating: 1
read at: 2017/12/03
date added: 2017/12/03
shelves: audiobook, ghoulies-and-ghosties, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, just-add-water-villain, long-legged-beasties, let-me-rant, no-words-can-describe-how-bad, oh-look-totally-forgot-the-plot-lin, plot-what-plot, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, terrible-world-building, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, wanna-be-tough-guys, what-did-i-just-read, what-is-the-plot-thingy, whiny-whiny-whiny, who-needs-a-plot-or-descriptions, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf
review:


I literally can't. My head just exploded. This gets my Worst Book of 2017 award. Me, when I finished:



When people tell me this is a great book with a great love:




What is remotely redeeming in the MC? What? She does everything anyone tells her to do. Literally everything. This entire book is people telling her to do shit and she does them, regardless of what. And I mean that in every sense of the word. This woman would jump off a building if someone told her to.

Father wants her to kill herself? 'Yup! Alrighty then!'

Random guy comes up to her and says he wants to give her the moon and stars to weave in her hair? She's all like 'SOLD!' and marries him on the spot.

She sees this random person in a mirror that she's never talked to before and this person tells her to destroy this other person because he wants to kill her. This guy hasn't done anything harmful to her and yet she goes along with it. She's like 'yup! alrighty then!'

Gets in fight with hubby and hubby says in the argument 'you're free to leave anytime' and she says 'alrighty then!' and literally dissolves herself.

And all this shit about her feelings. She does all this because it feels "right". Random weirdo you've never met before tells you to destroy someone and you don't even pause to consider it because it feels right? WHAT?

I just can't even. All the other plot issues pale in comparison to this fucking idiot.
]]> 31574739 A chilling literary horror novel about a young couple who purchase and live in a haunted house. Jac Jemc’s The Grip of It tells the eerie story of a young couple haunted by their new home.

Julie and James settle into a house in a small town outside the city where they met. The move—prompted by James’s penchant for gambling, his inability to keep his impulses in check—is quick and seamless; both Julie and James are happy to leave behind their usual haunts and start afresh. But this house, which sits between ocean and forest, has plans for the unsuspecting couple. As Julie and James try to settle into their home and their relationship, the house and its surrounding terrain become the locus of increasingly strange happenings. The architecture—claustrophobic, riddled with hidden rooms within rooms—becomes unrecognizable, decaying before their eyes. Stains are animated on the wall—contracting, expanding—and map themselves onto Julie’s body in the form of bruises; mold spores taint the water that James pours from the sink. Together the couple embark on a panicked search for the source of their mutual torment, a journey that mires them in the history of their peculiar neighbors and the mysterious residents who lived in the house before Julia and James.

Written in creepy, potent prose, The Grip of It is an enthralling, psychologically intense novel that deals in questions of home: how we make it and how it in turn makes us, mapping itself onto bodies and the relationships we cherish.]]> 276 Jac Jemc 0374536910 1
This book suffers from the same lot of problems that new horror authors generally create. That is, they come up with a creepy place and idea, and that's all there is. There is no plot here. It's aimless and wandering. This is made worse by the disjointed narration and the things that "happen". None of the things that were supposed to scare were scary.

Such like, at one point, she thinks she walks through her neighbors house then turns around and realizes she didn't. Oh, and she got her plate back from said neighbor too. It's like, uh, yeah. Getting plates back from neighbors truly is scary, huh? Or another scene where the hubby thinks he's lost but he apparently was dreaming -- only this happened when he was going home from work and he wakes up in a chair and this is supposed to do what for us now? ]]> 3.17 2017
author: Jac Jemc
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.17
book published: 2017
rating: 1
read at: 2017/08/02
date added: 2017/08/02
shelves: arg-the-prose-hurth-me-eyes, audiobook, ghoulies-and-ghosties, how-does-she-dress-herself, horror, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf, what-is-the-plot-thingy
review:
So this is about a hubby and a wife. The hubby is a gambler (who apparently is able to stop without any back sliding at all), and they buy this run down house for whatever reason (this is what I always do when I owe a ton to gambling. Doesn't everyone?) The house is considered haunted and "creepy" things are supposed to be happening.

This book suffers from the same lot of problems that new horror authors generally create. That is, they come up with a creepy place and idea, and that's all there is. There is no plot here. It's aimless and wandering. This is made worse by the disjointed narration and the things that "happen". None of the things that were supposed to scare were scary.

Such like, at one point, she thinks she walks through her neighbors house then turns around and realizes she didn't. Oh, and she got her plate back from said neighbor too. It's like, uh, yeah. Getting plates back from neighbors truly is scary, huh? Or another scene where the hubby thinks he's lost but he apparently was dreaming -- only this happened when he was going home from work and he wakes up in a chair and this is supposed to do what for us now?
]]> 29352556 Two strangers are bonded by a lust for revenge—and each other—in this short story from Christine Feehan's "erotic, gripping series that has defined an entire genre." (J. R. Ward)
Blaze McGuire knows who killed her father and she has merciless plans for payback. Until a phone call from a seductive stranger pleads with her to wait. Retribution is in his blood, too. Now, he and Blaze will be united in the blood of the guilty. Tonight, vengeance is theirs.
Praise for Christine Feehan
"Feehan has a knack for bringing vampiric Carpathians to vivid, virile life in her Dark Carpathian novels."�Publishers Weekly
"She is the master."—The Best Reviews
Dark Crime first appeared in the anthology Edge of Darkness.]]> 172 Christine Feehan 0451488709 1
I realize that's exactly what I got. T_T This book is great if...



Basically. It's Feehan's basic set up. Girl in trouble, overly aggressive man, etc. Except this one is just horrible. They have sex literally the first time they met and all the while she's saying NO. This goes on for chapters. At one point, he demands a blow job and is like 'look at me while you're doing it so I know you want to do it' while she's STILL SAYING NO. Seriously. And he's using his superior psychic abilities to force her and he tied them together before they'd even spoken like 10 sentences to each other.



You know what people in the real world call that? We call that rape.



So my feelings are basically:

]]> 4.36 2015
author: Christine Feehan
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 4.36
book published: 2015
rating: 1
read at: 2016/05/12
date added: 2016/05/12
shelves: arg-the-prose-hurth-me-eyes, dnf, long-legged-beasties, psycho-boyfriend, series, shapeshifters, urban-fantasy, paranormal-romance, what-is-the-plot-thingy, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf, who-needs-a-plot-or-descriptions
review:
I'm in a reading slump. A READING SLUMP! Shoot me. So I thought I'd pick up a genre I haven't read in YEARS. Thus, PR and a Feehan dark story. I loved her dark series in the beginning but after 10+, they really went down hill fast. Still, this is a novella so I thought what the hell?

I realize that's exactly what I got. T_T This book is great if...



Basically. It's Feehan's basic set up. Girl in trouble, overly aggressive man, etc. Except this one is just horrible. They have sex literally the first time they met and all the while she's saying NO. This goes on for chapters. At one point, he demands a blow job and is like 'look at me while you're doing it so I know you want to do it' while she's STILL SAYING NO. Seriously. And he's using his superior psychic abilities to force her and he tied them together before they'd even spoken like 10 sentences to each other.



You know what people in the real world call that? We call that rape.



So my feelings are basically:


]]> 18404113
Two years ago, sixteen-year-old Jamie Henry breathed a sigh of relief when a judge sentenced his older sister to juvenile detention for burning down their neighbor's fancy horse barn. The whole town did. Because Crazy Cate Henry used to be a nice girl. Until she did a lot of bad things. Like drinking. And stealing. And lying. Like playing weird mind games in the woods with other children. Like making sure she always got her way. Or else. But today Cate got out. And now she's coming back for Jamie.

Because more than anything, Cate Henry needs her little brother to know this one simple truth: She's not the crazy one and never has been.

When reading Complicit, trust nothing and no one as you race toward the explosive conclusion of this gripping psychological thriller from the William C. Morris Award - winning author of Charm & Strange.]]> 256 Stephanie Kuehn 1250044596 2
I was thinking that it would be crazy if an award winning author would try and give us the most cliched ending possible with this book. I sort of sat on that, thinking. I was thinking SURELY NOT! But I couldn't help myself and I skimmed the rest.

Yeah. The author ended this with probably the most cliche twist in the world.

So, if you're new to the wonderful world of reading, you might like this. The ending will be novel and awesome. Cherish that, my friend. Cherish it. Remember it. It'll help get you through the next million books who try to throw that twist at you.

You know it's so utterly cliche that you can see it coming from the beginning. >.>;]]> 3.65 2014
author: Stephanie Kuehn
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.65
book published: 2014
rating: 2
read at: 2016/01/03
date added: 2016/02/08
shelves: why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, what-is-the-plot-thingy
review:
So I'm reading this book and not a lot happens. Then not a lot of stuff happens. Then the sister comes home and still not a lot happens. I decided to DNF at about 50% BUT! BUT!

I was thinking that it would be crazy if an award winning author would try and give us the most cliched ending possible with this book. I sort of sat on that, thinking. I was thinking SURELY NOT! But I couldn't help myself and I skimmed the rest.

Yeah. The author ended this with probably the most cliche twist in the world.

So, if you're new to the wonderful world of reading, you might like this. The ending will be novel and awesome. Cherish that, my friend. Cherish it. Remember it. It'll help get you through the next million books who try to throw that twist at you.

You know it's so utterly cliche that you can see it coming from the beginning. >.>;
]]> 22749788
Action, suspense, and romance whirlpool dangerously in this cinematic saga, a blend of District 9 and The Outsiders.]]> 376 Michael Buckley 0544348257 2
My feelings after finishing this 'book':b



You may read other reviews and these other reviews may say that this book has major plot holes. These accusations, my brothers and sisters, are LIES! All LIES!

In order to have plot holes, you must have a freakin' plot. There is no plot here thus there is no plot holes. It's basically just a girl going to HS and being forced to tutor a fish-man. We don't know why they're there. We don't know why they're even in the school.

Further, this book is so crammed with contradictions that it's hilarious. It truly. What tiny bit of 'plot' we get is almost always contradicted soon after it's told to us and these contradictions are so just terrible...

Okay. I know examples are the only way to do this.

1) Fish people decide their kids should go to the HS and push to have them included. The rest of the book has every fish person basically turning their noses up at the kids in this book. Fathom goes so far as to accuse Lyric of teach him and, thus, tainting and making him more human (and by extension making his people think he's too human.) Which is odd because HE'S IN A HUMAN SCHOOL! None of the humans want them there so it wasn't as if this was something the humans offered.

2) Lyric's mother is supposedly a spy only she never actually knew that. She was told to go have a family and then she's called a betrayer for doing so? What?

3) The Alpha decide enough is enough and say they're going to attack only to ... build a wall. Yeah.

The social structure of the Alpha's is utterly ridiculous too. It makes no sense. It's not to say that rulers didn't have to prove themselves but this wasn't done in such a stupid way (of fighting several battles everyday without any medical attention.)

There are only two redeeming things about this book. 1) the physical book is really pretty and 2) the physical book is really pretty.]]> 3.86 2015
author: Michael Buckley
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.86
book published: 2015
rating: 2
read at: 2015/08/11
date added: 2015/08/11
shelves: arg-the-prose-hurth-me-eyes, crappy-magic-system, ebil-villain-bwa-ha-cough, horribly-ending, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, just-add-water-villain, long-legged-beasties, low-or-sweetheart-romance, let-me-rant, no-words-can-describe-how-bad, psycho-boyfriend, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, scooby-do-team-players, series, shapeshifters, the-birth-of-a-sociopath, terrible-world-building, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, tstl, urban-fantasy, wanna-be-tough-guys, what-is-the-plot-thingy, who-needs-a-plot-or-descriptions, wtf, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, so-terrible-they-are-funny
review:
NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE!

My feelings after finishing this 'book':b



You may read other reviews and these other reviews may say that this book has major plot holes. These accusations, my brothers and sisters, are LIES! All LIES!

In order to have plot holes, you must have a freakin' plot. There is no plot here thus there is no plot holes. It's basically just a girl going to HS and being forced to tutor a fish-man. We don't know why they're there. We don't know why they're even in the school.

Further, this book is so crammed with contradictions that it's hilarious. It truly. What tiny bit of 'plot' we get is almost always contradicted soon after it's told to us and these contradictions are so just terrible...

Okay. I know examples are the only way to do this.

1) Fish people decide their kids should go to the HS and push to have them included. The rest of the book has every fish person basically turning their noses up at the kids in this book. Fathom goes so far as to accuse Lyric of teach him and, thus, tainting and making him more human (and by extension making his people think he's too human.) Which is odd because HE'S IN A HUMAN SCHOOL! None of the humans want them there so it wasn't as if this was something the humans offered.

2) Lyric's mother is supposedly a spy only she never actually knew that. She was told to go have a family and then she's called a betrayer for doing so? What?

3) The Alpha decide enough is enough and say they're going to attack only to ... build a wall. Yeah.

The social structure of the Alpha's is utterly ridiculous too. It makes no sense. It's not to say that rulers didn't have to prove themselves but this wasn't done in such a stupid way (of fighting several battles everyday without any medical attention.)

There are only two redeeming things about this book. 1) the physical book is really pretty and 2) the physical book is really pretty.
]]> 7507908
Mackie would give anything to live among us, to practice on his bass or spend time with his crush, Tate. But when Tate's baby sister goes missing, Mackie is drawn irrevocably into the underworld of Gentry, known as Mayhem. He must face the dark creatures of the Slag Heaps and find his rightful place, in our world, or theirs.]]> 343 Brenna Yovanoff 1595143378 1
Characters: I hated them all, save for Emma. Everyone else was cardboard. I have no idea why half the 'inner circle' of friends was even there. They had less effect on me then window curtains. Hell, Rosswell's only function in this book seemed to be a driver. He never even put up a fuss. Oh, Mackie wants to leave. Awesome!

Mackie was worse, though. He was incredibly angsty and freaking jerk when it came to the women. We're told he's supposedly in love with Alice yet he can't bring himself to talk to her? Then we meet Tate, who's younger sister died a couple days before, and he's trying to kiss her and tell her he likes her? And he does this when he knows [spoilers removed]? And then, it that wasn't bad enough, he turned around and asked Alice to the party, basically because Tate wasn't in the mood to start a relationship with a guy she never really talked to?

Oh, and we have that lovely triangle.

The "protagonist" wasn't actually in the book for much of it and the parts that she was were incredibly melodramatic that it hurt. Like, complete with laughter as she explained her plans to him. What little there were of them.

I hated the Morrigan the most, though. I really, really, really, really hate it when authors are lazy. I'm thinking, because this has faeries in it that she was trying to go for the Morgan leFay type thing but she wanted to be 'original' so she decided to drag in the Morrigan.

The Morrigan's portrayal is everything I hate about YA authors using mythology to make it trendy (I guess.) The author tries to rectify this by giving on one sentence description of what she was in the past. The Morrigan, in Celtic mythology, is half the time three goddesses and half the time one. And she's pretty much the exact opposite of the Morrigan in this book. Playing with dolls? Are you serious?

The Plot: There was no plot. The author confuses angst with actual action. All Mackie does is be sick and angsty for half the novel (going home early and all) and then is healthy and angsty.

It just didn't make any sense what-so-ever. The whole set up made absolutely no sense at all. At one scene, the ebil villain says she doesn't need the town folk to believe in her. She just needs the pain and angst. Yet she also tells them that this town has more of that than anywhere else? What? A sleepy small town USA has more angst than any of the wars going on for the past century or two?

Bleh. I could go on and on...]]> 3.60 2010
author: Brenna Yovanoff
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.60
book published: 2010
rating: 1
read at: 2014/08/31
date added: 2014/08/31
shelves: to-read, audiobook, arg-the-prose-hurth-me-eyes, ebil-villain-bwa-ha-cough, enormous-letdown, ghoulies-and-ghosties, horribly-ending, how-does-she-dress-herself, i-hate-faeries-damn-it, its-totally-you, just-add-water-villain, meh, oh-look-totally-forgot-the-plot-lin, plot-what-plot, scooby-do-team-players, so-terrible-they-are-funny, terrible-world-building, the-birth-of-a-sociopath, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, wanna-be-tough-guys, what-is-the-plot-thingy, whiny-whiny-whiny, who-needs-a-plot-or-descriptions, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf
review:
Overall, it was a huge mess of 'wtf isn't there supposed to be a plot in here somewhere?' The problems with this book are so numerous that it's hard to figure out where to start.

Characters: I hated them all, save for Emma. Everyone else was cardboard. I have no idea why half the 'inner circle' of friends was even there. They had less effect on me then window curtains. Hell, Rosswell's only function in this book seemed to be a driver. He never even put up a fuss. Oh, Mackie wants to leave. Awesome!

Mackie was worse, though. He was incredibly angsty and freaking jerk when it came to the women. We're told he's supposedly in love with Alice yet he can't bring himself to talk to her? Then we meet Tate, who's younger sister died a couple days before, and he's trying to kiss her and tell her he likes her? And he does this when he knows [spoilers removed]? And then, it that wasn't bad enough, he turned around and asked Alice to the party, basically because Tate wasn't in the mood to start a relationship with a guy she never really talked to?

Oh, and we have that lovely triangle.

The "protagonist" wasn't actually in the book for much of it and the parts that she was were incredibly melodramatic that it hurt. Like, complete with laughter as she explained her plans to him. What little there were of them.

I hated the Morrigan the most, though. I really, really, really, really hate it when authors are lazy. I'm thinking, because this has faeries in it that she was trying to go for the Morgan leFay type thing but she wanted to be 'original' so she decided to drag in the Morrigan.

The Morrigan's portrayal is everything I hate about YA authors using mythology to make it trendy (I guess.) The author tries to rectify this by giving on one sentence description of what she was in the past. The Morrigan, in Celtic mythology, is half the time three goddesses and half the time one. And she's pretty much the exact opposite of the Morrigan in this book. Playing with dolls? Are you serious?

The Plot: There was no plot. The author confuses angst with actual action. All Mackie does is be sick and angsty for half the novel (going home early and all) and then is healthy and angsty.

It just didn't make any sense what-so-ever. The whole set up made absolutely no sense at all. At one scene, the ebil villain says she doesn't need the town folk to believe in her. She just needs the pain and angst. Yet she also tells them that this town has more of that than anywhere else? What? A sleepy small town USA has more angst than any of the wars going on for the past century or two?

Bleh. I could go on and on...
]]> 18492491 There’s just something about Clare. Apart from the ghosts�...
Ìý
When her eccentric aunt passes away, no-nonsense accountant Clare Cermac inherits more than just a small fortune. She receives the gift of communicating with ghosts. While Clare may not believe in spirits, it’s hard to overlook the shadowy talking dog appearing on her bed or spectral cowboys tipping their hats to her in the streets of Denver. And when she locks eyes with sexy—and living—Zach Slade, there’s certainly no ignoring him either.
Ìý
A former deputy sheriff, Zach is leaving a painful past behind in Montana for a new life in Denver as a private investigator, a job that has him crossing paths with beautiful Clare. Not that she minds. After the restless ghost of a Wild West gunman demands her assistance, Clare finds herself needing Zach more and more—and not just for help.
]]> 320 Robin D. Owens 042526890X 1
I've read some really, really bad books in my time and this ranks up with the best (worst?) of them this year. It's one of those terrible books that deserve a whole lot of moving gifs.

Both main characters are bland. The hero is better than the heroine because all she does is whine. Whine, whine, fucking whine. It's ten times worse because she's whining about things she, herself, has chosen to do.

For example, her great Aunt dies before the story starts and she apparently leaves the heroine with a whole lot of money. So she quits her job because she doesn't need the money THEN COMPLAINS ABOUT NOT HAVING A FUCKING JOB AND LIVING OFF A TRUST FUND LIKE HER PARENTS. There's like pages of her telling us how shiftless not having a job makes her and how she needs a jobs because her parents were such bad people. Um, cry me a fucking river? Oh wait, just drown in that fucking river.

The hero is still bland but, at least, he doesn't whine like a baby over everything.

The biggest problem beside the characters is that this entire story is just telling. We don't see much and what little we do see is completely uneventful.

Like, the heroine makes an appointment for a therapist and the book then jumps to right after the appointment where the heroine just complains about the therapist.

It's so boring. I don't care that the heroine makes "snap judgements" or that she makes a list for the new, bigger house she's going to buy.

This book is terrible. It's horrible. Don't, for the love of god, read this shit pile.]]> 3.50 2014
author: Robin D. Owens
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.50
book published: 2014
rating: 1
read at: 2014/07/04
date added: 2014/07/04
shelves: audiobook, crappy-magic-system, dnf, ebil-villain-bwa-ha-cough, ghoulies-and-ghosties, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, just-add-water-villain, let-me-rant, meh, no-words-can-describe-how-bad, plot-what-plot, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, scooby-do-team-players, series, terrible-world-building, urban-fantasy, tstl, wanna-be-tough-guys, what-is-the-plot-thingy, whiny-whiny-whiny, who-needs-a-plot-or-descriptions, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf
review:
Alex, I'd like to buy HOW THE FUCK WAS THIS BOOK PUBLISHED for 500? Oh, and add in AND IN A FUCKING SERIES, NO LESS for 2000?

I've read some really, really bad books in my time and this ranks up with the best (worst?) of them this year. It's one of those terrible books that deserve a whole lot of moving gifs.

Both main characters are bland. The hero is better than the heroine because all she does is whine. Whine, whine, fucking whine. It's ten times worse because she's whining about things she, herself, has chosen to do.

For example, her great Aunt dies before the story starts and she apparently leaves the heroine with a whole lot of money. So she quits her job because she doesn't need the money THEN COMPLAINS ABOUT NOT HAVING A FUCKING JOB AND LIVING OFF A TRUST FUND LIKE HER PARENTS. There's like pages of her telling us how shiftless not having a job makes her and how she needs a jobs because her parents were such bad people. Um, cry me a fucking river? Oh wait, just drown in that fucking river.

The hero is still bland but, at least, he doesn't whine like a baby over everything.

The biggest problem beside the characters is that this entire story is just telling. We don't see much and what little we do see is completely uneventful.

Like, the heroine makes an appointment for a therapist and the book then jumps to right after the appointment where the heroine just complains about the therapist.

It's so boring. I don't care that the heroine makes "snap judgements" or that she makes a list for the new, bigger house she's going to buy.

This book is terrible. It's horrible. Don't, for the love of god, read this shit pile.
]]> 16059327
Enter Linnet Ellery, a human lawyer working for a vampire law firm, to serve as arbitrator. Linnet discovers that there are sinister forces at work in Tinsel Town determined to shatter the fragile peace between elves, vampires, werewolves, and humans. Someone has been coercing famous elven actors into committing sudden and terrible acts of violence against humans in a series of tragedies that could turn the tide of public opinion against all the supernatural Powers.

During the course of her investigations Linnet realizes that a puzzling secret surrounds her, and that a strange power has been affecting the very course of her life. . . .]]> 320 Phillipa Bornikova 0765326833 1
Instead, I come away feeling dirty about this vaguely racist book.

I have no idea how this girl dresses herself in the morning. Like, I truly don't. But you know what? I'm sure there will be someone who'll praise this girl for her ability to dress herself.

She's an idiot. She's an idiot and yet almost everyone tells her how unique and smart she is. I'm AMAZED! Let me give you an example of her wit:

She tells David (while in California) that she thinks for every group of people there are good people and bad people and it's not okay to lump everyone up together.

And instead of David telling her 'you've just figured this out? I got this lesson in the first grade' he looks into her eyes and says 'you are such a unique human!'

Her big, awesome, and (apparently) ubber smart idea to solve all problems in this book? To take the actors. These people know the elves mojo can't be transferred onto tape and so people are saying they're terrible actors, right? That's the whole focus of the book, yet no one! NO ONE in this book has the forethought to think "hm, I'm casting this elf in a movie... on a tape... Why don't I tape him and see how that works out?"

This is the quality she brings to her world.

But the very worst part was the racist overtones. Much of this book acts like a dig to affirmative action. Most of her character have long discussions about how it should be talent as the determinate and not the gov'n in the job market.

She totally ignored the fact that the reason WHY affirmative action is in place is because employers don't want talent. They'll pass up talent and it's still going on in today's world.

Take my sister (technically my half sister) who is half black. She got good grades in school. Went into the military, served overseas in some kind of intelligence thing, and was released with honors.

She sends out her resumes and gets called in for an interview of a evening manager position. It's all fine and dandy on the phone but the moment she walks in? He pauses and says "did I say the job was for a manager position? I meant a bag boy."

Seriously. Military intelligence school. Awesome job recommends. And employers think she shouldn't do anything above a bag boy position.

Don't spoon me any of this 'affirmative action' is sooooooooo unfair. That attitude is a first world, upper class white peoples VP. It's not reality.]]> 3.74 2013
author: Phillipa Bornikova
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.74
book published: 2013
rating: 1
read at: 2013/12/14
date added: 2013/12/14
shelves: arigato-mr-roboto, arg-the-prose-hurth-me-eyes, audiobook, ebil-villain-bwa-ha-cough, enormous-letdown, how-does-she-dress-herself, i-hate-faeries-damn-it, its-totally-you, just-add-water-villain, no-words-can-describe-how-bad, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, series, scooby-do-team-players, shapeshifters, terrible-world-building, the-birth-of-a-sociopath, the-fast-food-of-fiction, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, urban-fantasy, wanna-be-tough-guys, what-is-the-plot-thingy, wtf, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself
review:
I did this to myself. I have no one to blame but myself. In my defense, I really wanted to see if a comet would hit someone.

Instead, I come away feeling dirty about this vaguely racist book.

I have no idea how this girl dresses herself in the morning. Like, I truly don't. But you know what? I'm sure there will be someone who'll praise this girl for her ability to dress herself.

She's an idiot. She's an idiot and yet almost everyone tells her how unique and smart she is. I'm AMAZED! Let me give you an example of her wit:

She tells David (while in California) that she thinks for every group of people there are good people and bad people and it's not okay to lump everyone up together.

And instead of David telling her 'you've just figured this out? I got this lesson in the first grade' he looks into her eyes and says 'you are such a unique human!'

Her big, awesome, and (apparently) ubber smart idea to solve all problems in this book? To take the actors. These people know the elves mojo can't be transferred onto tape and so people are saying they're terrible actors, right? That's the whole focus of the book, yet no one! NO ONE in this book has the forethought to think "hm, I'm casting this elf in a movie... on a tape... Why don't I tape him and see how that works out?"

This is the quality she brings to her world.

But the very worst part was the racist overtones. Much of this book acts like a dig to affirmative action. Most of her character have long discussions about how it should be talent as the determinate and not the gov'n in the job market.

She totally ignored the fact that the reason WHY affirmative action is in place is because employers don't want talent. They'll pass up talent and it's still going on in today's world.

Take my sister (technically my half sister) who is half black. She got good grades in school. Went into the military, served overseas in some kind of intelligence thing, and was released with honors.

She sends out her resumes and gets called in for an interview of a evening manager position. It's all fine and dandy on the phone but the moment she walks in? He pauses and says "did I say the job was for a manager position? I meant a bag boy."

Seriously. Military intelligence school. Awesome job recommends. And employers think she shouldn't do anything above a bag boy position.

Don't spoon me any of this 'affirmative action' is sooooooooo unfair. That attitude is a first world, upper class white peoples VP. It's not reality.
]]> 2314315
I know that better than most. Since rejoining the Pride, I've made big decisions and even bigger mistakes: the kind paid for with innocent lives. As the first and only female enforcer, I have plenty to prove to my father, the Pride, and myself. And with murdered toms turning up in our territory, I'm working harder than ever, though I always find the energy for a little after-hours recreation with Marc, my partner both on- and off-duty.

But not all of my mistakes are behind me. We're beginning to suspect that the dead are connected to a rash of missing human women and that they can all be laid at my feet--two or four, take your pick. And one horrible indiscretion may yet cost me more than I can bear...]]> 394 Rachel Vincent 0778325555 1 4.09 2008
author: Rachel Vincent
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 4.09
book published: 2008
rating: 1
read at: 2013/08/02
date added: 2013/08/06
shelves: arg-the-prose-hurth-me-eyes, audiobook, arigato-mr-roboto, dustbuster-challenge-read, ebil-villain-bwa-ha-cough, enormous-letdown, horribly-ending, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, just-add-water-villain, long-legged-beasties, oh-look-totally-forgot-the-plot-lin, owned-before-2013, paranormal-romance, psycho-boyfriend, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, scooby-do-team-players, series, shapeshifters, supernatural, terrible-world-building, the-birth-of-a-sociopath, the-fast-food-of-fiction, tstl, wanna-be-tough-guys, urban-fantasy, what-is-the-plot-thingy, whiny-whiny-whiny, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf
review:

]]> 8803932
But the next scream might be for Kaylee.

Yeah—it's a shock to her, too. So to distract herself, Kaylee's going to save every girl in school. Because that hot new teacher is really an incubus who feeds on the desire of unsuspecting students. The only girls immune to his lure are Kaylee and Sabine, her boyfriend's needy ex-girlfriend. Now the unlikely allies have to get rid of Mr. Beck…before he discovers they aren't quite human, either.

But Kaylee's borrowed lifeline is nearing its end. And those who care about her will do anything to save her life.

Anything.]]> 342 Rachel Vincent 0373210329 1


For gods sake! This series made Twilight look like a romantic comedy. How terrible does a series have to be to make Twilight look like a good, balanced relationship?

I mean, WTF! I'm so SO! sick of Kay apologizing to Nash. Nash! Go jump off a fucking cliff. I'm done with you. As far as I'm concerned, you should be in jail.

You know, I'm so utterly baffled that anyone *ANYONE* would be okay with Nash after what he did in book three. Is this our rape culture's best example? Let's forget that he tried to rape her on multiple occasions to sell those memories to that demon so he could get high? How is that different from trying to force a girl into prostitution? She's supposed to get over him trying to whore her out in six weeks?

And that guy had a knife to her back. She shouldn't have to apology to being forced into that.

And that whole Tod thing? Gag me with a fucking spoon. It's amazing how she forgets that he was so fucking willing to have her killed for an ex he hadn't seen in years and who wouldn't've even been able to have a relationship with anyway.

The worst part is? I can't stop reading this series. It's like every chapter sinks this story into new, horrific depravity and, like a train wreck, I can't stop watching.]]> 4.30 2011
author: Rachel Vincent
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 4.30
book published: 2011
rating: 1
read at: 2013/07/13
date added: 2013/07/13
shelves: arg-the-prose-hurth-me-eyes, audiobook, crappy-magic-system, dustbuster-challenge-read, ebil-villain-bwa-ha-cough, enormous-letdown, ghoulies-and-ghosties, horribly-ending, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, let-me-rant, long-legged-beasties, meh, no-words-can-describe-how-bad, oh-look-totally-forgot-the-plot-lin, owned-before-2013, paranormal-romance, plot-what-plot, psycho-boyfriend, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, scooby-do-team-players, series, so-terrible-they-are-funny, supernatural, terrible-world-building, the-birth-of-a-sociopath, the-fast-food-of-fiction, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, tstl, urban-fantasy, wanna-be-tough-guys, what-is-the-plot-thingy, whiny-whiny-whiny, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf, who-needs-a-plot-or-descriptions
review:
WTF did I just read? In one gif, this story (this whole series) is like:



For gods sake! This series made Twilight look like a romantic comedy. How terrible does a series have to be to make Twilight look like a good, balanced relationship?

I mean, WTF! I'm so SO! sick of Kay apologizing to Nash. Nash! Go jump off a fucking cliff. I'm done with you. As far as I'm concerned, you should be in jail.

You know, I'm so utterly baffled that anyone *ANYONE* would be okay with Nash after what he did in book three. Is this our rape culture's best example? Let's forget that he tried to rape her on multiple occasions to sell those memories to that demon so he could get high? How is that different from trying to force a girl into prostitution? She's supposed to get over him trying to whore her out in six weeks?

And that guy had a knife to her back. She shouldn't have to apology to being forced into that.

And that whole Tod thing? Gag me with a fucking spoon. It's amazing how she forgets that he was so fucking willing to have her killed for an ex he hadn't seen in years and who wouldn't've even been able to have a relationship with anyway.

The worst part is? I can't stop reading this series. It's like every chapter sinks this story into new, horrific depravity and, like a train wreck, I can't stop watching.
]]> 15513156
As if that’s not bad enough, her mother’s reappearance among the Syrena turns the two kingdoms—Poseidon and Triton—against one another. Which leaves Emma with a decision to make: Should she comply with Galen’s request to keep herself safe and just hope for the best? Or should she risk it all and reveal herself—and her Gift—to save a people she’s never known?

Once again, Anna Banks infuses Emma and Galen's points of view with humor, intrigue, and waves of romance.]]> 246 Anna Banks 1250003334 1
Like. Okay. This gift that supposedly is transmitted via the royal line allows said mer-person to talk to all fishies, right? So the great plot idea is to have someone that's some 200 years old come up with a plot that has his daughter learn hand movements and trained three dolphins to obey such commands.

Hello? Three dolphins don't equal all the fish in the freakin' ocean. And let's not forget about the penguins, which Emma established are not in fact fishies but birdies even though they can't fly in the last book (because ALL birdies fly ... save penguins.) I think she's still not certain if dolphins and whales are fishies.

We must step slowly with this special half mer-person.

This ALSO doesn't take into account that both the Princess and her father are right there. And even if they weren't there all you'd have to do is to have that girl perform those tricks on different dolphins. Like, have her call them and perform her tricks than take those dolphin fishies into custody and make her perform on other dolphins.

And Ms. Banks. Are you kidding? You don't think there wouldn't be more in depth questioning on an issue that effects an entire species and would cause a civil war? Also, and I hate to say it, but fear (especially fear of something else or other) is the most awesome way to keep a population loyal.

That's even beside the point. People don't give up their customs without a great deal of prodding. By prodding, I mean a whole ton of people dying. You forget history and all the terrible things we do to each other to keep the status quo. I'm going to go out on a limb and say Ms. Banks is an American and has seen all the 'scandals' revolving around sex. That's just hype. That's not revolutionary.

Please. Go and read some actual books on the subject of politics, war, history, and human behavior. And learn to fact check. Last time I heard, you can't be a 'little' behind humans in the study of genetics if you haven't realized that you get your features and traits from genetics...

I think I've had my fill of stupid today.]]> 3.96 2013
author: Anna Banks
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.96
book published: 2013
rating: 1
read at: 2013/06/05
date added: 2013/06/05
shelves: audiobook, ebil-villain-bwa-ha-cough, enormous-letdown, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, let-me-rant, oh-look-totally-forgot-the-plot-lin, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, series, so-terrible-they-are-funny, terrible-world-building, the-fast-food-of-fiction, the-birth-of-a-sociopath, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, tstl, urban-fantasy, wanna-be-tough-guys, what-is-the-plot-thingy, whiny-whiny-whiny, who-needs-a-plot-or-descriptions, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf
review:
This is like ... a simpleton trying to be clever with politics but having no idea what politics is and how it works, served with a generous serving of thinking you're so much smarter than everyone else. It's such a train wreck and I can tell Ms. Banks totally pleased with herself. The 'ebil villain' is stupid. He actually cackles when one of the characters switches sides. This villain couldn't find his ass in the dark with a map, compass, and flashlight.

Like. Okay. This gift that supposedly is transmitted via the royal line allows said mer-person to talk to all fishies, right? So the great plot idea is to have someone that's some 200 years old come up with a plot that has his daughter learn hand movements and trained three dolphins to obey such commands.

Hello? Three dolphins don't equal all the fish in the freakin' ocean. And let's not forget about the penguins, which Emma established are not in fact fishies but birdies even though they can't fly in the last book (because ALL birdies fly ... save penguins.) I think she's still not certain if dolphins and whales are fishies.

We must step slowly with this special half mer-person.

This ALSO doesn't take into account that both the Princess and her father are right there. And even if they weren't there all you'd have to do is to have that girl perform those tricks on different dolphins. Like, have her call them and perform her tricks than take those dolphin fishies into custody and make her perform on other dolphins.

And Ms. Banks. Are you kidding? You don't think there wouldn't be more in depth questioning on an issue that effects an entire species and would cause a civil war? Also, and I hate to say it, but fear (especially fear of something else or other) is the most awesome way to keep a population loyal.

That's even beside the point. People don't give up their customs without a great deal of prodding. By prodding, I mean a whole ton of people dying. You forget history and all the terrible things we do to each other to keep the status quo. I'm going to go out on a limb and say Ms. Banks is an American and has seen all the 'scandals' revolving around sex. That's just hype. That's not revolutionary.

Please. Go and read some actual books on the subject of politics, war, history, and human behavior. And learn to fact check. Last time I heard, you can't be a 'little' behind humans in the study of genetics if you haven't realized that you get your features and traits from genetics...

I think I've had my fill of stupid today.
]]> 16082541 ouch!—both teens sense a connection. But it will take several encounters, including a deadly one with a shark, for Galen to be convinced of Emma's gifts. Now, if he can only convince Emma that she holds the key to his kingdom...

Told from both Emma and Galen's points of view, here is a fish-out-of-water story that sparkles with intrigue, humor, and waves of romance.]]> Anna Banks 1620640082 2


If you want a paragraph, it's:

While at first blush, this is an okay start to one of those self-discovery books. It tries to keep it under that theme but her discovered self does have big implications and the author wrote in an over arching arc that she doesn't me able to handle. That arc totally dwarfs the self discovery and, seeing as the author doesn't the ability to actually see all the implications or just isn't skills enough to blend the two it, this tends come off as very inadequate in both parts.

It doesn't help that the over arcing problem is incredibly contrived and ... well ... stupid. Basically.

Now, add all that to an utter and complete (and HILARIOUS) lack of even the very basic of fact checking and you get this (ahem) book. Am I going to read the next? Fuck yeah! The stupid in this book had me rolling on the floor!]]> 3.49 2012
author: Anna Banks
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.49
book published: 2012
rating: 2
read at: 2013/06/05
date added: 2013/06/05
shelves: audiobook, ebil-villain-bwa-ha-cough, enormous-letdown, fairy-tale-retelling, horribly-ending, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, let-me-rant, low-or-sweetheart-romance, meh, oh-look-totally-forgot-the-plot-lin, romance, series, shapeshifters, so-terrible-they-are-funny, terrible-world-building, the-fast-food-of-fiction, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, tstl, wanna-be-tough-guys, what-is-the-plot-thingy, whiny-whiny-whiny, why-do-i-do-this-to-myself, wtf
review:
If you're interested in a one gif summery of this book, it's:



If you want a paragraph, it's:

While at first blush, this is an okay start to one of those self-discovery books. It tries to keep it under that theme but her discovered self does have big implications and the author wrote in an over arching arc that she doesn't me able to handle. That arc totally dwarfs the self discovery and, seeing as the author doesn't the ability to actually see all the implications or just isn't skills enough to blend the two it, this tends come off as very inadequate in both parts.

It doesn't help that the over arcing problem is incredibly contrived and ... well ... stupid. Basically.

Now, add all that to an utter and complete (and HILARIOUS) lack of even the very basic of fact checking and you get this (ahem) book. Am I going to read the next? Fuck yeah! The stupid in this book had me rolling on the floor!
]]> 12089986
Deep in the stacks of Oxford's Bodleian Library, young scholar Diana Bishop unwittingly calls up a bewitched alchemical manuscript in the course of her research. Descended from an old and distinguished line of witches, Diana wants nothing to do with sorcery; so after a furtive glance and a few notes, she banishes the book to the stacks. But her discovery sets a fantastical underworld stirring, and a horde of daemons, witches, and vampires soon descends upon the library. Diana has stumbled upon a coveted treasure lost for centuries - and she is the only creature who can break its spell.

Debut novelist Deborah Harkness has crafted a mesmerizing and addictive read, equal parts history and magic, romance and suspense. Diana is a bold heroine who meets her equal in vampire geneticist Matthew Clairmont, and gradually warms up to him as their alliance deepens into an intimacy that violates age-old taboos. This smart, sophisticated story harks back to the novels of Anne Rice, but it is as contemporary and sensual as the Twilight series - with an extra serving of historical realism.]]> 24 Deborah Harkness 1
Well, besides the tea, the amazingly old wine (really, I never read an fiction so obsessed with wine before), and yoga, you have an exercise in ... boring writing. Nothing happens. You get a decent first chapter and then ... nothing.

Okay. Maybe that's not true. You get the perfect heroine. A true portrait of a Mary Sue. She's beautiful. She's the best at everything she does (excels at school (thanks, photographic memory), is awesome at drama, and somehow lands a tenure at that school.) Where witches have one, maybe TWO, powers, she has them all, save one or two. That's NOT an exaggeration. These awesome powers conveniently didn't really peak until now, thank god? I was a-gogg at her note taking in the library with her photographic memory, though.

Her man is perfect. Perfectly handsome, rich, old, wise, and has a freakin' castle (probably two.)

Since I bought the audio book, I find I must invent ways to make this book interesting. For the first ... 300 pages, there was no real conflict. The author just had people staring at her. Before Mr. Perfect whipped her away to the castle, do you know what "conflict" was involved? You see, everyone wants this book. They're content on just watching the heroine (as she exercises, does yoga, drinks tea, reads, etc -- she's FASCINATING.) After 300 pages, she decides to try to recall the book. It doesn't come up. So another witch sorta taunts her. He doesn't even swear at her and he's a good 10 feet away, but Mr. Perfect is there to react to nothing. Witch goes away. She goes to Librarian to ask about the book and they say the book is lost, has been for 150 years, and this ... this was the thing that got Mr. Perfect going. He literally goes to her and stands between her and the Librarian (very much like he expects the other man to take a swing at her) and says "this is TOO dangerous! I'm getting you out of here!" NOTHING! HAS! HAPPENED! (I mean, I know SOME Librarians are scary but come on!)

So, back to ways to make the book interesting! I've decided it's like this vamp is reacting to invisible micro-waves or something! Ghosts, perhaps! My imagining is so much better then the book. Now, whenever this insane thing goes off because of lint, I feel the power to keep going -- if for no other reason than a good chuckle. He makes less sense then those crazy, homeless guys who rant about the end of the world. I mean, at least you sorta know what those guys are ranting about. This Mr. Perfect... there's nothing there. It's so weird.

Still... I don't know how the rest of you managed to get to the ending... Strong, brave readers... ]]> 3.83 2011
author: Deborah Harkness
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.83
book published: 2011
rating: 1
read at:
date added: 2013/03/29
shelves: audiobook, dnf, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, let-me-rant, no-words-can-describe-how-bad, plot-what-plot, paranormal-romance, oh-look-totally-forgot-the-plot-lin, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, so-terrible-they-are-funny, the-fast-food-of-fiction, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, what-is-the-plot-thingy, who-needs-a-plot-or-descriptions, wtf
review:
This review is for the audible version and I'm halfway through it. Where is this great and awesome book everyone else seems to have read, cause I want to read it. 'A Discovery of Witches' is not anywhere near awesome. It's ...

Well, besides the tea, the amazingly old wine (really, I never read an fiction so obsessed with wine before), and yoga, you have an exercise in ... boring writing. Nothing happens. You get a decent first chapter and then ... nothing.

Okay. Maybe that's not true. You get the perfect heroine. A true portrait of a Mary Sue. She's beautiful. She's the best at everything she does (excels at school (thanks, photographic memory), is awesome at drama, and somehow lands a tenure at that school.) Where witches have one, maybe TWO, powers, she has them all, save one or two. That's NOT an exaggeration. These awesome powers conveniently didn't really peak until now, thank god? I was a-gogg at her note taking in the library with her photographic memory, though.

Her man is perfect. Perfectly handsome, rich, old, wise, and has a freakin' castle (probably two.)

Since I bought the audio book, I find I must invent ways to make this book interesting. For the first ... 300 pages, there was no real conflict. The author just had people staring at her. Before Mr. Perfect whipped her away to the castle, do you know what "conflict" was involved? You see, everyone wants this book. They're content on just watching the heroine (as she exercises, does yoga, drinks tea, reads, etc -- she's FASCINATING.) After 300 pages, she decides to try to recall the book. It doesn't come up. So another witch sorta taunts her. He doesn't even swear at her and he's a good 10 feet away, but Mr. Perfect is there to react to nothing. Witch goes away. She goes to Librarian to ask about the book and they say the book is lost, has been for 150 years, and this ... this was the thing that got Mr. Perfect going. He literally goes to her and stands between her and the Librarian (very much like he expects the other man to take a swing at her) and says "this is TOO dangerous! I'm getting you out of here!" NOTHING! HAS! HAPPENED! (I mean, I know SOME Librarians are scary but come on!)

So, back to ways to make the book interesting! I've decided it's like this vamp is reacting to invisible micro-waves or something! Ghosts, perhaps! My imagining is so much better then the book. Now, whenever this insane thing goes off because of lint, I feel the power to keep going -- if for no other reason than a good chuckle. He makes less sense then those crazy, homeless guys who rant about the end of the world. I mean, at least you sorta know what those guys are ranting about. This Mr. Perfect... there's nothing there. It's so weird.

Still... I don't know how the rest of you managed to get to the ending... Strong, brave readers...
]]> 15756982
Shouldn’t be hard, right?

Since the tender age of six, Katherine has always loved to hear Jonathan’s nightly stories about tracking, stalking, and collecting his victims. She’s even had the privilege of watching souls transition into the afterlife, led by the hand of the Collector to their paths where angels or demons escort them home. It has been an unwavering friendship that has flourished for sixteen years. That is, until an unexplainable twist in circumstances causes Katherine’s name to appear on the Collector’s List.

Oh, but do not mistake this as an end, this is just the beginning. Katherine refuses to hand over her soul quietly and Jonathan will stand beside his friend, feeling the bitter sting of helplessness as he realizes that he might possibly be the cause of her demise. So now a new relationship unfolds between them, one of checks and balances, hints, clues, and mysteries, where the two, despite their now forbidden friendship, will work together to manipulate the List.

But just as resolute, the law won’t stand idly by as Katherine assists in the deaths of others. Every form of law enforcement is preparing to conduct a global manhunt to bring her to justice. Nor will the Creator of the List tolerate a friendship that goes completely against his rules. The collections continue to increase in difficulty, pushing Katherine into an irreversible life of crime where the only possibility of escape is her own death. Yet Katherine, as impassionedly determined as a trapped animal trying to escape its captor, will stay the course in her fight to overcome Heaven, Hell, earth and � the Collector.]]> 240 K.B. Lever 1478190027 1
I'll give the warning that I might just stalk away mid-review to come back when I'm less angry. That's a little heads up, kk?

I thought this book would be more like this: she makes a friend with a reaper and when her name comes up, she tries to save those above her name to "cheat" fate. No. That was just the logical way to look at it, but this book isn't logical, in any sense.

I could've gone with that if this was in the normal story format (aka, an actual story) but it wasn't. This is all told. Up until I threw up my hands in defeat we had MAYBE a third of a page of actual events. Everything else was just massive info dumps, one right after the other.

So we start off with one massive info dump about the MC (Kathy). The author tells us her WHOLE life. We see her first meeting with this reaper when she was six (her aunt died in the park -- for all the info dumps, I wish he would've at least attempted some fact checking... A woman dying of cancer isn't going to spend an hour a day outside, much less with children.)

Anyway, we're told she's all 'eh' about it. After more boring facts, we learn this reaper sneaks into her bedroom every night from age 6 to her mid twenties to tell her every conceivable fact of the people he's been reaping. And, naturally, the MC takes it all in and only, in her twenties, feels like there's something odd about this. The author tells us (with delight almost) that she's helped him pick his next victims and everything.

Besides the occasional nightmare, the author doesn't actually tell us much and it left me feel very sick to my stomach. A grown man visiting a child every day of her life is like pedo-bear creepy.



And then we're told about the one case she feels anything about which is the reapers case. I'm all >___________> about the nightly visits but I'm hoping we'll start the actual fucking story now.

But I was wrong because now we have the whole, very long life story of the reaper. The author starts this story BEFORE HE WAS EVEN BORN. Did you know the reaper was a premie? I do. And then we go on to hear everything else that's befallen him. When he dies (because both are idiots -- you don't think a man dragging a bloody suitcase is cause for alarm? Why, thanks for taking yourself out of the gene pool...), I was cheering. Woohoo! Pedobear is dead!

We learn that his list then has two names. Kathy and some other guy. He's supposed to reap her. What? So this is where I logically assuming, if there was two names on the list and one was above hers, that she'd try to save the guy before.

No. Out of no logic known to man, she decides the best way to save herself is to help him reap the others on the list. Because, you know, when you want to blend in with the crowd, the best way to do it is kill everyone around you. Then you'll really blend in.

Still. I was hoping for some actual events to happen. We have a short paragraph of a scene about this war-torn fireman carrying out a kid from a burning building (and this is the guy above her) so I'm like ACTION! LOOK! PEOPLE ARE LIKE WALKING AND THERE'S NOT INFO DUMPS AND --

Fuck. I was wrong. We get another whole life info dump on him and everyone surrounding him (including the full life story of the girl he's just rescued.) This time the author peppers his prose why pointing out the obvious (like the pregnant woman who was having contractions -- yeah, he even timed them for us -- that he felt necessary to tell us she'd be having a baby soon.)

But we're getting action, right? RIGHT? The next paragraph of action we get is (after being told she's been following him) that she gets out of the car and throws herself to the ground to have a fake seizure. He comes to her aid and is reaped thirty seconds later.

But don't worry. We're treated to move of his after life via info dumps.

Moving on, Kathy feels guilty. The reaper tries to give her clues for his next reaping but whew! When it seemed like there might be actual action in hunting this down, we find out that that isn't necessary. Because the reaper set up a whole meeting between her and his next reaping. Gosh! Reapers today are all so considerate!

And I was scared there for a moment, because the reaper hadn't info dumped this next victims entire life. Will there actually be action? My heart stutters at the thought!

But my heart panicked too soon for the moment she steps out of the car, a random stranger comes up to her and info dumps the next victim's entire life. Whew! Aren't random strangers that bump into you so gosh darn helpful these days?

I tried but I couldn't finish. Just shot me please! Dear god!]]> 3.75 2012
author: K.B. Lever
name: Alisi � wants to read too many books �
average rating: 3.75
book published: 2012
rating: 1
read at: 2013/03/16
date added: 2013/03/16
shelves: dnf, how-does-she-dress-herself, its-totally-you, let-me-rant, read-to-review, the-birth-of-a-sociopath, this-could-have-been-so-much-better, urban-fantasy, rue-the-day-you-learned-to-read, what-is-the-plot-thingy
review:
Like, wow! This book right here will make absolute certain that I never read another self-published book for a very, very long time. I was lured in by the blurb but the blurb and the book are two very different books, apparently.

I'll give the warning that I might just stalk away mid-review to come back when I'm less angry. That's a little heads up, kk?

I thought this book would be more like this: she makes a friend with a reaper and when her name comes up, she tries to save those above her name to "cheat" fate. No. That was just the logical way to look at it, but this book isn't logical, in any sense.

I could've gone with that if this was in the normal story format (aka, an actual story) but it wasn't. This is all told. Up until I threw up my hands in defeat we had MAYBE a third of a page of actual events. Everything else was just massive info dumps, one right after the other.

So we start off with one massive info dump about the MC (Kathy). The author tells us her WHOLE life. We see her first meeting with this reaper when she was six (her aunt died in the park -- for all the info dumps, I wish he would've at least attempted some fact checking... A woman dying of cancer isn't going to spend an hour a day outside, much less with children.)

Anyway, we're told she's all 'eh' about it. After more boring facts, we learn this reaper sneaks into her bedroom every night from age 6 to her mid twenties to tell her every conceivable fact of the people he's been reaping. And, naturally, the MC takes it all in and only, in her twenties, feels like there's something odd about this. The author tells us (with delight almost) that she's helped him pick his next victims and everything.

Besides the occasional nightmare, the author doesn't actually tell us much and it left me feel very sick to my stomach. A grown man visiting a child every day of her life is like pedo-bear creepy.



And then we're told about the one case she feels anything about which is the reapers case. I'm all >___________> about the nightly visits but I'm hoping we'll start the actual fucking story now.

But I was wrong because now we have the whole, very long life story of the reaper. The author starts this story BEFORE HE WAS EVEN BORN. Did you know the reaper was a premie? I do. And then we go on to hear everything else that's befallen him. When he dies (because both are idiots -- you don't think a man dragging a bloody suitcase is cause for alarm? Why, thanks for taking yourself out of the gene pool...), I was cheering. Woohoo! Pedobear is dead!

We learn that his list then has two names. Kathy and some other guy. He's supposed to reap her. What? So this is where I logically assuming, if there was two names on the list and one was above hers, that she'd try to save the guy before.

No. Out of no logic known to man, she decides the best way to save herself is to help him reap the others on the list. Because, you know, when you want to blend in with the crowd, the best way to do it is kill everyone around you. Then you'll really blend in.

Still. I was hoping for some actual events to happen. We have a short paragraph of a scene about this war-torn fireman carrying out a kid from a burning building (and this is the guy above her) so I'm like ACTION! LOOK! PEOPLE ARE LIKE WALKING AND THERE'S NOT INFO DUMPS AND --

Fuck. I was wrong. We get another whole life info dump on him and everyone surrounding him (including the full life story of the girl he's just rescued.) This time the author peppers his prose why pointing out the obvious (like the pregnant woman who was having contractions -- yeah, he even timed them for us -- that he felt necessary to tell us she'd be having a baby soon.)

But we're getting action, right? RIGHT? The next paragraph of action we get is (after being told she's been following him) that she gets out of the car and throws herself to the ground to have a fake seizure. He comes to her aid and is reaped thirty seconds later.

But don't worry. We're treated to move of his after life via info dumps.

Moving on, Kathy feels guilty. The reaper tries to give her clues for his next reaping but whew! When it seemed like there might be actual action in hunting this down, we find out that that isn't necessary. Because the reaper set up a whole meeting between her and his next reaping. Gosh! Reapers today are all so considerate!

And I was scared there for a moment, because the reaper hadn't info dumped this next victims entire life. Will there actually be action? My heart stutters at the thought!

But my heart panicked too soon for the moment she steps out of the car, a random stranger comes up to her and info dumps the next victim's entire life. Whew! Aren't random strangers that bump into you so gosh darn helpful these days?

I tried but I couldn't finish. Just shot me please! Dear god!
]]>