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Before I Go is the first novel by American author, Colleen Oakley. In February, almost three years after being declared cancer-free, twenty-seven year old Daisy Richmond discovers she has won the cancer lottery twice. And this second win is the big one: she will not survive. And once she accepts that fact, she suddenly begins to worry about Jack: how will her loving but disorganised husband cope without her there to manage his life, to scratch his back where he can’t reach, to cook him meals, bear his children and save him from suffocating in a sea of discarded socks?

As Daisy narrates current events, the reaction of family and close friends to this latest news, her own progress through the stages of grief, and her secret search for a wife for Jack, the reader is given glimpses of Daisy’s earlier life: her childhood with her widowed mother, meeting Jack, her first cancer diagnosis, her career. She actually finds the woman who ticks all the boxes for what she believes Jack needs, but when they meet, things don’t quite turn out how Daisy had anticipated. Is this a case of “be careful what you wish for�.�?

Oakley touches on many topics related to cancer and death: stages of grief; the hopes raised by clinical trials; the change in priorities and perception with a terminal diagnosis; the attitude of some health professionals (“…there’s nothing more patronising than someone who is not dying telling someone who is how to feel about it.�); the labile emotions (“…for weeks now I’ve been a walking bingo cage, my emotions tumbling around on top of each other like balls of numbers and I never know which one is going to come out next.�); the gut-punch power of certain words (like “widower�).

Whether or not this is an authentic depiction of how a dying woman with a brain tumour would think and react can, of course, only be confirmed by someone in that situation, but this book will certainly elicit in the reader some consideration as well as laughter and a lump in the throat. There is plenty of humour in what could have been a sombre tale: Daisy’s inner monologue is sometimes serious, but often funny; her use of Capitals (“…now that I have Lots of Cancer…�), her vivid imagination, the banter with Jack and the honest brevity of her best friend Kayliegh, all create laugh-out-loud moments.

Oakley employs some lovely descriptive prose (“…the irreversible rush of emotions that overtakes everything when you first are falling in love. It’s like trying to stop a flood with a chain-link fence. Impossible.�) and while the characters are not all instantly appealing, and the end is predictable, the journey is enjoyable and worthwhile. Readers will look forward to more from Oakley.
With thanks to the publisher and TheReadingRoom for my copy to read and review