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I was wondering if anybody could direct me to books or resources on dealing with hatred and anger? Or at least offer some advice? This is an issue I am really struggling with right now. Thanks.

♥★Julia wrote: "I was wondering if anybody could direct me to books or resources on dealing with hatred and anger? Or at least offer some advice? This is an issue I am really struggling with right now. Thanks."

Julia, I don't know of any books that address the issue of anger, but this always helps me when I am mad at the world.......I write. In the world I have created everything is perfect and I have total control of every character in it. I can mete out justice to the evil and reward the good. This is excellent therapy.

If you are not a writer, pick up a "happy place" book and read it until you feel better. Everyone needs a nice break from the world we live in.

Remember, no one is born a misanthrope, it is human society itself which creates misanthropy.

Holly wrote: "♥★Julia wrote: "I was wondering if anybody could direct me to books or resources on dealing with hatred and anger? Or at least offer some advice? This is an issue I am really struggling with right ..."

Yes I am a writer, I think I'll take to writing more often, thanks :)

♥★Julia wrote: "I was wondering if anybody could direct me to books or resources on dealing with hatred and anger? Or at least offer some advice? This is an issue I am really struggling with right now. Thanks."

I don't know your spiritual preferences, however Thich Nhat Hahn has written a book titled "Anger". I found it thought-provoking and helpful on the subject, though I am by no means Buddhist in my outlook.

Sara wrote: "♥★Julia wrote: "I was wondering if anybody could direct me to books or resources on dealing with hatred and anger? Or at least offer some advice? This is an issue I am really struggling with right ..."

Thank you, I'll take a look!

Buy yourself a punching bag and after you have given it a good beating with the source in mind, take a walk through a park preferably along a gentle stream where you can sit on a rock and meditate; empty your mind.

I like your suggestion better than mine, Laureen. Think I'll give it a try.

Laureen wrote: "Buy yourself a punching bag and after you have given it a good beating with the source in mind, take a walk through a park preferably along a gentle stream where you can sit on a rock and meditate;..."

Thanks! I'll be on the lookout for where to get a punching bag...that'll give me some much needed exercise as well!

Thanks you guys for the vote of confidence. I need to practice what I preach lol. I had in mind one if those little speed boxing balls - the big heavy ones will cripple your hands.

I went to boot camp last year Julia for this reason. I needed to kick something (preferably someone, but I don't do violence). Was great for getting out the enormous amounts of stress and anger I was dealing with.

Also I've just started a book called: Outrageous Openness: Letting the Divine Take the Lead by Tosha Silver which I'm really liking already. Not so much focused on anger but letting it all go, releasing it and moving forward.

Oh and last year was advised to dig a hole in the ground and shout forth my anger into it, or write it onto paper and bury it. Give it back to the Mother and she will take care of it. xg

I very much like the image of shouting my anger into a hole or burying words. Indeed Gaia will disassemble it and make me whole. :-). Painful times when someone turns into a person unrecognizable. Going to check out that book too, Gina.

Little wrote: "I went to boot camp last year Julia for this reason. I needed to kick something (preferably someone, but I don't do violence). Was great for getting out the enormous amounts of stress and anger I w..."

Thanks, I'll see about that book.

Little wrote: "Oh and last year was advised to dig a hole in the ground and shout forth my anger into it, or write it onto paper and bury it. Give it back to the Mother and she will take care of it. xg "

I love this. It reminds me of a New Year's ritual:

Before midnight, New Year's Eve write a list of all your regrets, worries, anguish, things that make you mad and when midnight comes, throw them all into a fire to leave them behind in the old year.

Then you start making a list of hopes and dreams, aspirations, things you love, et al., and before sundown, toss them into the ocean or a river or a lake so they can flow through waters of the world and back into your heart.

I like yours better because it can be done any time and because there's no polluting of the environment going on. :-)

In any event, the process is cathartic.

Shouting it into the earth doesn't dismiss the original validity of the anger either. It needs to flow, not necessarily be suppressed, but it does need to be cleansed from the body afterwards. My doctors also gave me advice about this, and about the chemical affects on the body of that stress and anger (again they didn't dismiss the validity). The fight or flight endorphins need to be released. Exercise does it too. I used both methods.

Tosha's book is wonderful, at least I'm finding it so. Again she talks about letting the anger go, not squashing it down in the first place, but releasing it in order to move on. When it comes to the Divine Spirit, she is what she calls delightfully polyamorous. Her ideas are not materialistic or rigid and are sitting well with me.

Sending love to all! xg

♥★Julia wrote: "I was wondering if anybody could direct me to books or resources on dealing with hatred and anger? Or at least offer some advice? This is an issue I am really struggling with right now. Thanks."

Make art.

Great advice.

Neil Gaiman's speech 'Make Good Art':

Old-Barbarossa wrote: "♥★Julia wrote: "I was wondering if anybody could direct me to books or resources on dealing with hatred and anger? Or at least offer some advice? This is an issue I am really struggling with right ..."

Thank you all <3

Old-Barbarossa wrote: "♥★Julia wrote: "I was wondering if anybody could direct me to books or resources on dealing with hatred and anger? Or at least offer some advice? This is an issue I am really struggling with right ..."

Art, great idea. I recently came across Zentangle - a new art craze that sounds very interesting. It is based on Zen, Doh! But it sounds great. I bought a book full of designs for my mother-in- law who likes doing ceramics but the idea of Zentangle is to create your own designs. There are Zentangle teachers but Amazon has all the books you would wish to teach you about the method and the benefits, like focusing the mind, reverting to a peaceful state, a meditation through design in the mind. It is apparently easy to learn and can become as complex as you like.

I have friends who swear by Zentangle. The local metaphysical shop even offers classes though I've yet to give it a try. Could be just the thing.

Old-Barbarossa wrote: "Make art."

Yes, this. Writing or beating the crud our of some clay or pouring my feelings into some other piece of art has saved my sanity more times than I can count.

Sara wrote: "I have friends who swear by Zentangle. The local metaphysical shop even offers classes though I've yet to give it a try. Could be just the thing."

Oh, that is good to hear Sara. I got excited about Zentangle even though I had never heard of it. It could be just the thing to bring me back down to earth after the crap I have to deal with on a seven day basis at work plus caring for my mum who has Alzheimer's, the poor darling. I just wish I had more time. I love reading and ŷ������ so much, they take up the little spare time I have, but I do try to keep up the smiley face.

Laureen wrote: " It could be just the thing to bring me back down to earth after the crap I have to deal with on a seven day basis at work plus caring for my mum who has Alzheimer's, the poor darling."

Yes, I would urge you to delve into anything that gives you a little "Me Time" as a break from this situation. Sometimes it's nearly impossible, but every little scrap you can get will help in the long run. I was working full time and the sole caregiver for my mother for several years. She passed in January and I'm only now beginning to emerge from the post-stress of that situation. I still have a long way to go, but my creativity is slowly coming back to me. Those spare moments I could grab of it during the caregiving really did save my sanity. Sometimes it wasn't much more than assembling nice pictures to go with interesting quotes, but each little bit helped get me through the day. You may not have time/energy for any large scale creativity, but I'd urge you to find some little nook that is all your own, be it art or reading or communicating with us here on ŷ������ or whatever. They aren't wastes of time. They are necessary bridges to life and sanity and will stand you in good stead down the line when you need it.

Peejay Who Once Was Minsma wrote: "Laureen wrote: " It could be just the thing to bring me back down to earth after the crap I have to deal with on a seven day basis at work plus caring for my mum who has Alzheimer's, the poor darli..."

Thank you for being so sweet, Peejay. I keep telling myself that one day I will have a life. Don't get me wrong. I am very appreciative that I live in a world so much improved on the past and to know the friends one can obtain on sites like this where we all have the opportunity of discussing books. Some people today have not discovered the joy of reading. I would find that very lonely.

However, I do need something creative to stimulate my brain cells in the creative area. I could never be a writer. Authors have my full respect. How do they create such imaginative stories and find the time to research the subject involved? Well, for me I am going to try Zentangle - if not today, it will be sometime.

Detachment works too Julia, it's hard to do, but really effective. 'Observe don't absorb'. ( This is a tactic for dealing with narcissists but it works in everyday situations with people who are pissing you off too. You can goggle the phrase and find the author's youtube clip if you're interested further). If you learn this one early in life you'll save yourself all kinds of stress, anger and grief. I'm only just figuring that out now. It's not smothering emotions but trying to avoid reactive ones.

Little wrote: "Detachment works too Julia, it's hard to do, but really effective. 'Observe don't absorb'. ( This is a tactic for dealing with narcissists but it works in everyday situations with people who are pi..."

Observing rather than absorbing! I like that. A bit like a dream state but more detached?

It's about detaching yourself emotionally from the situation, in order to see and/or hear what's really going on, rather than automatically reacting to it. It's especially good for dealing with emotional manipulators, who know exactly what they are doing when attempting to pull our strings. In most situations the emotions hit quickly, leading us to react in such a way that leaves us open to further manipulation. If we can detach, it gives us time to breathe, to see, to understand, and to retain our control and power in the situation. Keeps us on the right foot. It works a treat. You can apply it to written forms too, such as emails, or on social media etc. Stop, breathe, observe, don't react. It completely undermines the efforts of the emotional manipulators, or, as on social media, the trolls, if you can avoid reacting and responding.

Don't feed the drama monkey.

Adding a couple more things that help when dealing with anger. Don't preempt the situation if you can help it. Don't try to second guess what the other person will say or do. Don't dwell on it. It's their business, their crap and their damage, not yours. I believe this applies to the type of fundamental bigotry you had to deal with growing up, Julia. You can't change the bigots anymore than I can change a character disordered person. We just have to avoid being their boxing bags, or their whipping boys. It's their damage, their limitations and their baggage. Don't take it on, don't make it yours by reacting. Also avoid triggers. These can be all sorts of things, places, books, web sites, movies etc that recreate emotions or situations that cause us stress or raise our anger. For me, recently, it was attempting to watch the series Vikings. Every time I did, it made me think of certain people in my past (wanna be vikings) and made me angry. I couldn't continue. I ditched the series and felt all the better for it.

All good observations, Gina. Just what I need for a situation of my own that echoes what I remember of yours. Thank you.

How easily such folk manipulate, deceive, and misrepresent themselves and circumstances. It's still fresh right now, so I do well to take your advice to heart.

Very important stuff, Little. I would add to this the need for self-forgiveness. Because we are human, sometimes we are going to react. If we can manage to detach after that initial reaction, that's good, but in those places where our emotions get the better of us, we need to let go of self-judgment. "I should have��" is one of the most toxic statements of all. If you did the best you could under difficult circumstances, there is no "I should have." Guilt and unhealthy shame will drag you down as sure as the manipulators. But I guess that falls under the category of Don't dwell on it. It's their business, their crap and their damage, not yours. It most certainly is not your guilt/shame to bear.

I'm sorry you are going through it Sara. Sending love! If you want to message me at any time, please do. xg

Unfortunately statistics show that the hardcore emotional manipulators, or low conscience people, are present in our communities in great numbers, 1 in 25, and that figure is a very conservative one. The very best way of dealing with the low conscience individuals is No Contact. If that can't be done, then other techniques have to come into play. I think it's extra hard for those with empathy, and a well working conscience, to realise the manipulation and abuse is happening, and to recognise what type of people we are dealing with, as we like to think that everyone has some good in them, and cannot come to grips with the idea that this is not so. Manipulators use this against us.

Yes, I agree Peejay, self forgiveness is paramount. This took me ages. I said that "I should have" line over and over. Dealing with emotional manipulators can also create cognitive dissonance, which is the minds way of dealing with two contradictory behaviours or facts--the lies being fed to us, and the evidence in front of our own eyes. It's brain fog, and takes months and months to clear, sometimes even years. After the brain fog clears and the self blame goes, then comes the anger. It's intense too. It's anger at having been duped, lied to, manipulated and abused. It's healthy anger. It needs to come out, but once out, it's like a wound that needs to heal and shouldn't be poked and prodded too much. My take anyway. I don't go into the past in my mind anymore. I know what happened all too clearly now. If I find myself going back, I redirect the energy. That's why avoiding triggers is good too, and strategies such as No or Low Contact, and Observe don't Absorb. I think Julia has gone through emotional manipulation, coupled with being force fed religious dogma. In fact I think the religious dogma was used as a tool in the manipulation. I don't know the situation overly well, but this is how it appears to me. I think her current anger is part of the healing.

Little wrote: "Adding a couple more things that help when dealing with anger. Don't preempt the situation if you can help it. Don't try to second guess what the other person will say or do. Don't dwell on it. It'..."



That part about avoiding triggers is absolutely on point. For example, I recently deleted my tumblr account, and only now, post-tumblr, have I realized that I was only triggering myself because that site is rife with the things which upset me, and to make it worse expressing those negative reactions was almost always greeted with backlash.

As for books, movies, etc, I've been avoiding ones which I know may upset me, and if one unexpectedly contains some trigger I put it down. Recently I tried reading a book which looked so good but as soon as I realized it'd be filled with triggers I stopped. So I'm getting better at that.

Thanks everyone for your support and advice. It helps a lot.

Good on you Julia. Sending strength and love. xg

Little wrote: "Good on you Julia. Sending strength and love. xg"

Thank you, the same to you and to everybody who has been kind enough to help me out and listen to me.

Blessings to you, Julia.

Peejay Who Once Was Minsma wrote: "Blessings to you, Julia."

To you as well

Chopping wood, venting with angry drawings, exercise, karate lessons..,


short term fixes


May I add:



(I am a bit reluctant to give the recipe because it can be overdone.)

*cayenne pepper tea*

It almost always puts me in a better mood.




Hope things work out for the good.

Such wisdom here. All suggestions are practical. I hope Wren thinks so to and that it helps. There should be more questions asked like that. I think it serves all of us to hear what others think.

Love the chopping wood idea, works for me too. :)

Now's a good time to do some sort of cleansing/releasing of anger ritual, as tonight is the blood moon lunar eclipse, marking new beginnings.

Going to try one myself as much of my anger from the past year and a half seems to have resurfaced. Time to let it go. It doesn't mean that you condone what was done, the actions of douche bags, the continued lies and manipulations of said douche bags, but it does mean you have to drop the baggage or it will weigh you down on your new journeys. This is easier said than done, and I'm struggling with it too, but thought I'd mention the timing, as it may help. Personally I'm going to re dye my red hair for strength, and do some ritual writing and burning, past photos will be involved too. Good luck to all! xg