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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
message 101:
by
kavi ~he-him~
(new)
Feb 13, 2017 05:32PM
HAPPY INTERNET BEST FRIENDS DAY
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NOPE!!! Haha let's call on a truce: we both love each other equally, but it can never be measured! :)
*bear hugs* Oh wait, I've got a cold again! Better not hug too much xP
Haha well Kavy is adorable! I'm annoying.
I'm not adorable and you are not annoying Hallie!! you are amazing <3333333333333333333
You crack insanely funny jokes, Evelyn!
Thanks Evy but I am NOT adorable >->
Evelyn, no way!!!! You're amazing!!! Don't say that about yourself!Kavy, yes, you are adorable! xD
Pained Days of Isolation
I was so bored over the weekend! Why? Well, my mock tests got over (and I totally screwed up! I have no hopes in passing!)), but guess what, my "great" dad did not pay the bill, so there went our internet! And he tried passing the buck on my mum, but it's absolutely his fault. Mum did remind him about it, but this man paid 0 attention, and he went, "My internet is gone!" Well, if you don't want it to go, pay the bills on time when your wife begs for it! I was in a horrible mood because I had laid off so much for those stupid tests, and when I was finally a free bird, the internet says goodbye. -_- Hooray for school Wi-Fi! If it hasn't come at home, I'm going to murder my dad.
Anyway, my last test was on Saturday (yes, Saturday. I go to a useless school :/), and Sunday was my darling brother's birthday! He was turning242 years and 4 months old ;P Since it was easy peasy French, I told mum I'd come back home myself and Friday night, I slipped in some money into my bag while both my parents were watching TV right in front of me! On Saturday, I dragged my friends with me to a shop less than two minutes away from my school, and bought 3 pieces of cake for him! Many other classmates were there, too, and so was Sam. When she saw me, she was so surprised! "Hal, you're here!" She exclaimed, her eyes as big as dinner plates. And then after we bought the pieces (I had to use my friends' help because I'm not adept with food items), S bought some for her sister, too, but basically S wanted to gobble all of them in front of her sister. Then we went back to school.
On Saturday, I surprised three people - including Sam. When we got back to school, I went to the sweetest person in our class, and hugged her and said, "So tomorrow's your birthday, right? Happy birthday in advance!" She was so surprised, and not even her own friends had remembered. She thanked us (I dragged H along), and then she asked, "How did you know?" Well, she shared the same birthday as my brother. How was I supposed to forget. Then we began to prepare plans to go out for the first time as friends on the occasion of another friend's birthday next week. This mentally retarded girl whom no one invited began suggesting, and she suggested a place with Italian food with "mediocre priced" food. H looked it up, and told me today that it cost a fortune to buy anything there. Who on earth even invited her? Not the friend whose birthday we're celebrating, because as soon as she left, she was like, "Who invited her? I don't want her?"
Then when I got back home, I carefully placed my bag to the corner lest the cake pieces get crushed. Mum and he had gone out, so I was all alone till lunch. When they finally came back, mum was getting out the lunch they had bought for me, and I took out the pieces and shoved it to his face. He was confused, and I said that it was for him. Then he was surprised and asked, "What's in it? Who bought it?" Then when I explained that I had bought cake pieces for him, he hugged me and thanked me! That was the first time I had done something like this to anyone, so he had least expected it.
He liked one of the cakes, but the other two (which were the same thing because they cost half the price of the bigger one he liked, and all I had was enough money to two of those bigger pieces), he ate little, I ate half, and mum at half. My dad never knew that I had done this until Mum offered him the remaining one piece and told the story on the evening of my brother's birthday -which was more than 24 hours later.
So, well, I did it! I got my brother something without my parents knowing that I'd do it! Honestly, I was afraid I'd get caught at the shop because my mum said that if they were going out, she'd buy him some cake from the same shop. Thank you brother's mouth which said that he wanted cake only from a store which was not as near as this one. So well, yeah, that's part of what happened to me over the past few days.
P.S. Maybe I should mention this, but when I logged in now after what seemed like eternity (gosh I really missed all my friends!), I had 4 messages in my inbox and 35 notifications! Out of the 4 messages, 1 was a group broadcast, another for a friend I'm randomly PMing, and another from the mod of an awesome group that is sadly closing! I was so happy when I read the message! And the last one was from someone I haven't interacted before, but she said that I was one of her favourite people on ŷ, and that she loved my reviews! *cough cough* I wonder what she sees in me and my reviews. My reviews are rubbish!
Evelyn wrote: "Ahaha!! You both are amazing! *hugs tightly*.Dang, I missed you!!"
*hugs Evelyn back even though Hallie's not amazing* I missed you too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Evelyn wrote: "God, Hallie. Stop it!!"Stating facts here!
Letter to Myself
Dear me,
Crap, I feel so terrible right now! I don't even remember what I did wrong, but I'm depressed right now. Sorry, me, but I think I might just hurt myself. In case you wonder sometime in the future - why - well, hopefully then you've forgotten what it feels like to feel this way. Hopefully you've stopped thinking of ways to kill yourself, or have been adopted by someone, who, if not understands you completely, at least attempts to understand you.
Hallie
20th February 2017
My dad threw the mouse on the floor this morning :/ Now I know where I got my temper from....
Hallie wrote: "Letter to MyselfDear me,
Crap, I feel so terrible right now! I don't even remember what I did wrong, but I'm depressed right now. Sorry, me, but I think I might just hurt myself. In case you won..."
Hallie....don't hurt yourself pls......I love you so much *hugs you tightly* we're in this together, and you are a family member to me.....
Kavy...... It really hurts my mind..... Even my family on ŷ now..... How they have people who would miss them if they were gone and how no one would ever do that for me. I read a thread that was created when one of my friends had to leave ŷ for a few months, and her friends actually did a countdown there. There were few jerks who thought she was fake (that's just absurd! I want to punch that guy right now for saying that), but the thought was really sweet. And the fact that NO ONE would ever do that for me makes me sad. Everyone else seems to have so many friends here! I feel so lonely! Sometimes I even doubt I still exist.Besides, home and school are crap! It's so annoying - I can't even breathe there! It's so.... I don't know.....
Hallie I would miss you, we would miss you, if you leave my heart will shattered, Hallie pls don't leave me, I can't lose any more friends.....think of me, I'd been at the point of suicide before I'd been at the point where I wanted to die but instead I kept going even tho I desperately wanted to, I'd been bullied, dealt with fake friends, you and everyone on GR are the only ones that accept me for ME the only ones that been there for in my darkest times my own twin brother never been there for me irl, Hallie pls don't leave I love you too much.
I'm not trying to imply that you don't like me; that isn't my thing to judge. But if I were me, I wouldn't remember myself after a day I'm gone. Whereas the others, well, after a hiatus in a website named Dizzywood I stopped playing ever since I started using ŷ, my friends there remembered me for how long - a week? A month? I wasn't the most popular there, but even my friend whom I had helped had forgotten me. I don't know how it would change here. Not even my friends in real life would miss me if I didn't appear in front of them one day. Wait - I'm sceptical that my own family would remember me if I disappeared off the world. Not my best friend, my brother; not my dad; not my mother who gave birth to me. I really don't think so. And I feel terrible lonely with no friends except for a few online friends who have more popular friends to take care of.
Hallie what about us, all of us on GR, we're here will always be here *hugs you tightly* even if we are far away from each other in distance you will always have a special place right here *points to my heart*
How long, Kavy? How long would you remember me? How long before someone better takes that place in your heart?And I'm a monstrous person: I've done horrible things in the past, and will do horrible things in the future. People hurt me, so I hurt other people, and I won't stop at the people I've already hurt or the number of times I've hurt them. I'm malevolent to those I dislike (I love my friends here, so you're all off my radar - don't worry! If I do accidentally hurt you, you reserve the right to slap me hard on my face physically). I don't even think I deserve a space in your heart, Kavy. You're so sweet and you're such a good person - unlike me.
On a side note, just to keep me motivated, I was thinking of creating a group to help deal with, stress, anxiety, depression, and all those other mental turmoils that adults brand as "adolescence problems". Any creative ideas for names? 
Keep Calm and Help with Mental Problems(Lol Im bad with names XD)
Hallie wrote: "How long, Kavy? How long would you remember me? How long before someone better takes that place in your heart?And I'm a monstrous person: I've done horrible things in the past, and will do horrib..."
Hallie I would never forget you, I myself has had a terrible past and done somethings that I still regret, and you do deserve a special place in my heart, I love you Hallie *hugs*
Hallie wrote: "On a side note, just to keep me motivated, I was thinking of creating a group to help deal with, stress, anxiety, depression, and all those other mental turmoils that adults brand as "adolescence p..."
That is a great idea Hallie!!! Hmm....thinking of the name.....
Haha I'm bad with names, too xD And moderating as well, but let's see how much I can do. I have the feeling I'm going to delete it after a few months from inactivity :/ Anyway, I'll put that on the list that has only one name - Keep Calm and Help with Mental Problems
Thanks! :)
How about battling mental illnesses/problems.
We should have some kind of awareness about these mental problems because these things are ACTUALLY pretty serious, and not many ppl seem to take these things seriously -_-
Hallie wrote: "Haha I'm bad with names, too xD And moderating as well, but let's see how much I can do. I have the feeling I'm going to delete it after a few months from inactivity :/ Anyway, I'll put that on t..."
I can help Hallie!!
I'm too lazy to hit the reply buttons of all the comments, so I'll reply to them in order.Only a handful would remember me :( And the problem is that I don't regret having hurt them, and I'm already devising plans to hurt my own parents. *hugs Kavy back*
That names on the list, too!
Yes, we should! I hate the way people think it's trivial, and also it's saddening that not a lot of people get help for it -_- That's what I want to offer through the group. I'm not sure if we can counsel them right and get them back to their happy selves, but we need to do our best there. Hopefully even get rid of those for them if possible!
Oh, Kavy, that would be amazing!!!!!!! I'll try to find more names right now!
How does "serenity" sound for the group? It just occurred to my mind because serenity basically means the state of remaining calm, and that's what we want to achieve through it. Just something random while aiming to think of a subtle name.
Exactly Hallie!! *hugs* Tho the problem is....I got used to my depression and anxiety :( like so used that Happiness is something that is foreign to me, I'd been going through my pain since I was 4, and I can't remember the last time I'd truly be happy there was a time I was optimistic but I'm not that optimistic person anymore :( it's sad.....
Precisely! I used to be a more ambiverted person back when I was 4. Now I'm the most anti-social person in my class and family :/ Blame it all on anxiety. I used to be better with my grades until depression began to take over. And when it exceeded the limit I could handle, I had the worst result ever. My parents still didn't understand that I could be having something going on in my head; they tell I'm lazy and addicted to my phone. The reason why I'm on my phone so long is because I have people who try to understand here - unlike them.
Name Ideas
� Keep Calm and Help with Mental Problems
� Battling Mental Illnesses/Problems
� Serenity
� Clarity (I think there is another group with the same name. Does anyone know that group so that I don't have to deal with any drama for having taken the same name?)
� Feel Alive (Note to self: Stop listening to the only Krewella song on my phone)
� Helping Hands
� Fighting a Battle/War
� Team
� Sparkle
� Hope
Help? Someone? Which do you think I should use?
Oh, and one quick question I'd like to ask!
From your experience interacting with me, do I sound like someone who has OCD? Be honest!
Battling Mental Illnesses/problems
Refusal Over Text
Remember the plan about going out with my friends last week? I know I vaguely described it, but that was how vague the whole plan was.
However, now I don't feel like going. I don't want to go even though it's going to be the last time I can go out with my friends. Guess what I attribute it to?
So H called me a little while ago, and asked if I was going to go on Saturday. Since we have a function at school on Saturday, we don't have school tomorrow. Hence they were discussing it on WhatsApp which I'm not allowed to have :/ It always pains me when they talk there, and leave me out of it, and my parents won't let me have it. Partly the reason for my depression.
And I replied that I feel too lazy to come. She said that she would come if I did, but if not, depending on the place, she might go. That's it; end of conversation.
Around five minutes later, I got a text from S. Well, ever since they all got WhatsApp, people rarely text me - and S must have tested me twice in two years. I knew exactly what she was up to. This is how the conversation went:
S: Hey Hallie
Me: Am I coming? Well, I'm too lazy.
S: Have you asked your mum about the plan cuz if you come H will come
S: Plz come
Me: For what sorrow?
S: For our friendship our the enemy thing pls no picnic also this might be our last chance to spend some good time
Me: Trick H by telling that I'm coming
S: Remember no PICNIC
Me: Non
S: Hmm nooooo her mum will call it mum
S: Pls come
S: Why is this so tough uh!!!!
S: Why not
S: Non is no
Me: Because the sun will stop rising if I come. We don't want that, do we?
S: Soooooo r u coming???
S: Pls stop that and just come
S: You must at least for R and K and maybe S2
S: Also
Me: #I'm too lazy now and have no clue about the plan
S: I will call and inform you ASAP the plan is made
Me: Eating
S: K I shall tell u plan Tom and then u decide
Me: Not changing my mind.
S: Come on
Pls
Why not
Me: The sun won't rise!!!!!
S: Fine but remember this is our last unofficial meet so don't regret it later that is all I will say
S: Last year with friends don't miss it for something else as it won't come back
Me: Last year with friends? Yeah right
You have no idea how much effort it took to lash out at her and say, "So you're telling me to abandon looking after my unstable mental and emotional health to hang out with " friends" who only worsen it?
I'm pretty sure she's talking about me on WhatsApp, and they're all talking about my bad attributes, and blah blah blah.
Anyway, I'm not picking up any calls in my phone tomorrow. I'm going to put it in silent mode, and flip it over so that I don't have to see them call if they do.
Princess Kavy of Books and music ~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "Battling Mental Illnesses/problems"It's still hard to choose!
Personal Survey Time!
Stolen from Kavy who stole it from Jay
I'm in a terrible mood right now, and I want to rant all about it after school. SO just to pass time, and hopefully, cool down.
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
My brother - I think
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
Shy
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
A foster father :/
4. Are you easy to get along with?
Nope, not at all!
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
The person I like? Who's that?
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
Er...
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
Nope.
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
A friend who exists only in my imagination.
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
Yes.
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Myself
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? My last text was on February 23.
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Hard to answer.
Into You - Ariana Grande
Touch It - Ariana Grande
We Don't Talk Anymore - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez
Blame - Calvin Harris ft. John Newman
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
Not at all!
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
I guess. I believe that I'm ill luck :/
15. What good thing happened this summer? (2016)
My birthday, I guess.
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Um, I haven't kissed anyone.
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
Haha maybe.
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
What's a crush?
19. Do you like bubble baths?
Um, no.
20. Do you like your neighbors?
Well, I don't dislike her in any way, but I barely know her to even like her.
21. What are you bad habits?
I've got a huge list:
� I loose my temper a lot
� I'm annoying
� I can be proud and arrogant
� I lie a lot
� I'm too hard to both myself as well as others around me
And more
Yes, these are habits of mine. How? Well, a habit means a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. And that's exactly the case.
22. Where would you like to travel?
Japan and Singapore
23. Do you have trust issues?
Yes, major trust issues.
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
Going on the internet
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
Everything
26. What do you do when you wake up?
Be in a bad mood
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
Lighter
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
Solitude. I usually like being alone, but not completely ignored.
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
Ex?
30. Do you ever want to get married?
No!!!!
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
Yes
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
Ariana Grande, Emma Watson and Shawn Mendes
33. Spell your name with your chin.
Uh, what?!
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
None.
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
Without TV. Trust me, I used to live like that until three years ago.
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
Nah.
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
Well, I'm usually the cause of the silence, so I remain mum.
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
I don't dream about guys.
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
I don't like shopping.
40. What do you want to do after high school?
Get a job, become a writer (or singer if possible), and teach some people I know a big lesson.
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Well, not everyone - just some.
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
It means I'm being myself.
43. Do you smile at strangers?
No! Why would anyone do that?
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
Outer space!!!
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
School -_-
46. What are you paranoid about?
Anything and everything.
47. Have you ever been high?
No
48. Have you ever been drunk?
No, but I've often wished that I was drunk.
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
Yep.
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
Purple (?)
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
Yes, a lot of times. In fact, right now.
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
Myself.
53. Favourite makeup brand?
I don't like makeup.
54. Favourite store?
The bookstore
55. Favourite blog?
Hm, a few friends have blogs I adore.
56. Favourite colour?
Purple
57. Favourite food?
None.
58. Last thing you ate?
Pancakes
59. First thing you ate this morning?
Pancakes
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
Pot painting, poetry, essay writing and Science quiz
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
No
62. Been arrested? For what?
No!
63. Ever been in love?
No
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
What's that again?
65. Are you hungry right now?
No....
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
I have just one friend on Tumblr (Kavy), but I love her more than my real friends!
67. Facebook or Twitter?
Neither
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
Tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?
No
70. Names of your bestfriends?
Online or real?
71. Craving something?
-_-
72. What colour are your towels?
White
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
2
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
Hehe yes, my Cuppy
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
A lot
75. Favourite animal?
I'm afraid of animals :(
76. What colour is your underwear?
EXCUSE ME????!!!!!
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
Vanilla
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
I'm in my school uniform.
80. What colour pants?
Uniform!
81. Favourite tv show?
House (?)
82. Favourite movie?
Shawshank Redemption
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
Neither. Both are bad.
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
Haven't seen the latter
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
No one
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
Nemo
87. First person you talked to today?
My mum
88. Last person you talked to today?
I don't remember.
89. Name a person you hate?
A lot of people!
90. Name a person you love?
My friends!
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
My family
92. In a fight with someone?
Sort of.
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
None.
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
2
95. Last movie you watched?
The Mask
96. Favourite actress?
Emma Watson
97. Favourite actor?
Daniel Radcliffe
98. Do you tan a lot?
Yeah.
99. Have any pets?
Nope.
100. How are you feeling?
Angry, sad, hopeless, fed up
101. Do you type fast?
Yes
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
Yes
103. Can you spell well?
Well, I'm not bad.
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
Yes.
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
No.
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
Most likely.
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
No.
108. What should you be doing right now?
Checking for my exam timetable.
109. Is something irritating you right now?
Yes. Life.
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
No.
111. Do you have trust issues?
Yes, but wasn't this question already there in the same survey.
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
My family, but I don't think any of them noticed.
113. What was your childhood nickname?
No! I am not telling it! I've had enough with my classmates calling me that!
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
Yes
115. Do you play the Wii?
No.
116. Are you listening to music right now?
No, but I will in a few minutes.
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
No.
118. Do you like Chinese food?
Not particularly.
119. Favourite book?
To Kill a Mockingbird, Harry Potter, Divergent etc.
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes
121. Are you mean?
Yes.
122. Is cheating ever okay?
No
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
To a good extent.
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Nope.
125. Do you believe in true love?
Well......
126. Are you currently bored?
A little.
127. What makes you happy?
Books, music and well, not having people I don't like around.
128. Would you change your name?
Maybe, though I adore my name.
129. What your zodiac sign?
Leo
130. Do you like subway?
No
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
Laugh over it. Like that's every going to happen!
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
I did answer this earlier! Myself.
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
I love too many lyrics to answer this.
134. Can you count to one million?
Nope, I'm not in good terms with numbers.
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
I lie a lot, so it's hard to keep track of what is dumb and what's not.
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
Closed.
137. How tall are you?
5'4"
138. Curly or Straight hair?
Straight
139. Brunette or Blonde?
Brunette
140. Summer or Winter?
Winter
141. Night or Day?
Night.
142. Favourite month?
August
143. Are you a vegetarian?
Nope.
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
None of these.
145. Tea or Coffee?
Tea
146. Was today a good day?
Not at all!
147. Mars or Snickers?
Snickers
148. What’s your favourite quote?
Well, I don't know.
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
No.
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?
"It is Mrs Higgins's at-home day."
Hallie wrote: "Not finished!!!!Personal Survey Time!
Stolen from Kavy who stole it from Jay
I'm in a terrible mood right now, and I want to rant all about it after school. SO just to pass time, and hopefully,..."
Also I actually did #33 XD like I tried to type my name by using my chin to type XD
❄️Princess Kavy of Books and music ❄️~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "HALLIE I LOVE YOU"Love you, too!
❄️Princess Kavy of Books and music ❄️~It's killing me, I admit it now~ wrote: "Hallie wrote: "Not finished!!!!Personal Survey Time!
Stolen from Kavy who stole it from Jay
I'm in a terrible mood right now, and I want to rant all about it after school. SO just to pass time, ..."
Haha xD I'm on my phone, so that would be a disaster!
I'm so stupid! I'm so dumb! I'm so ugly - on the inside as well.
I wish someone would just kill me! I wish I was dead!
I hate me!
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
More...
