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message 1: by sucre'd fiend (last edited Mar 30, 2017 08:07PM) (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 90 comments


[ c h a t t e r]


Please leave all commentary on my stories here. I would prefer if you could put anyone spoilers in spoilers, but please also let others know which work you're talking about bc I have many lol



message 2: by Leena (new)

Leena (leena23) | 122 comments Are we allowed to just comment we love you? Cuz I do <3


message 3: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 90 comments lol <3


message 4: by sucre'd fiend (last edited Apr 16, 2017 08:58PM) (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 90 comments yo, so as I usually do
if you have any questions about characters, just ask
and each answer will be added in the character section


message 5: by Kathryn (new)

Kathryn Long | 11 comments To polish this interesting piece of writing up, you want to remove "that" from the first sentence. It reads fine without it. You also have two "was" words in that short sentence, so look for a better way to say what you are saying without using "was" which are considered to be very weak verbs. Perhaps something like "The dark headed girl's aloofness clearly showed her to be cynical." They got into dumb shit like this all the time...is a complete sentence so put a period after it and begin a new sentence with One week... You used the word "more" very close to each other twice. You could change one of them to say: "They had less sense than a bag of chips" (a very good and imaginative concept by the way). Perhaps combing the last couple of sentences might make them read more smoothly. "At least they seemed more interesting than the rest of the student body she dubiously stared at over her lackluster cafeteria meal."


message 6: by Kathryn (new)

Kathryn Long | 11 comments Always try to remove "that" and "as" from your writing. It makes tighter more polished writing. In this paragraph, you can remove "as" from your first sentence and either use "while" or just make the sentence into two sentences. The next sentence would read better if you said "She had no thoughts on what they were doing,"
Try not to use the word "just" if you can help it. A better choice is "only". You can also remove the "that" from this sentence and have it read "only a never-ending sense of dread curled her stomach and made her heart race. You don't really need the "however" in the next sentence. "It was nothing compared to when she'd first been taken and the others had shared their stories." Take out the "that" in the next sentence. It reads fine without it.

reply | edit | delete | flag *


message 7: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 90 comments I've saved all the criticism so I can come back to it when I do the first round of edits ^-^


message 8: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 90 comments i'm also open to just getting like random opinions on anything lol
so hit me


message 9: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 90 comments Thank you! ^-^


message 10: by Leena (last edited Sep 26, 2017 07:11AM) (new)

Leena (leena23) | 122 comments Your reactions are killing it Fiend, and I love reading them!! Kookie will never be my bias either, or so I tell myself omg... Rapmon is mine, and Suga is certainly second, with Jhopie coming in third :P

Suga had some aegyo in there, goddddddd


message 11: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 90 comments Jimin is mine so I knew I was fucked from the start lmao
you and kiks have the same bias btw


message 12: by Leena (new)

Leena (leena23) | 122 comments Oh really? :P She has good taste, you and Sav have the same bias XD Rapmon is ahhhhhhhhhhhhh dem dimples and raps


message 13: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 90 comments I mean I'm attracted to dancers and rappers so like
it was inevitable

she literally screamed at me about his dimples lol


message 14: by Leena (new)

Leena (leena23) | 122 comments His dimples kill me @_@ I've drawn him so many times...


message 15: by Leena (new)

Leena (leena23) | 122 comments BOBBY AND HIS VOICE ARE BEAUTIFUL, HIS GROWL KILLS ME


message 16: by sucre'd fiend (new)

sucre'd fiend (sucredfiend) | 90 comments tbh....i feel


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