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Can someone edit? I especially ask Irene, if she says no, than someone else can.
Here's the story, it's called Don't Remember Us:

Don’t Remember Us
By Josiah Morgan

Marvin Sloat was a thief. He did not quite understand why he had been hired to steal a book. Especially seeing as Stephen King is so mainstream
(streamline)
that you could buy one of his books for $1 on eBay!
But the pay was good, so he asked no questions. Although he was curious. He had come to the library a day early to steal the book, so he could have a quick read of the book himself.
He approached the library under the moonlight, and stepped up to the lock. It was an easy lock to pick, especially because it was so rusty
(the rust, the RUST)
The door opened in, and in the dim gloom he could see the shelves and shelves of books. He groped in his bag for the torch. He let out a small ‘shit� and went inside to the gloom.
It was a big room, with a high roof and walls wide set apart. It was eerie, and dark
(the darkness, oh the darkness, I’m scared of the dark oh)
and he didn’t like it. But, $500,000 was in the bag if he could pull this off, so he continued on into the darkness. He didn’t like the silence either. Think about the money, just think about the money. He reached the doorframe to the childrens section without even realising he was there. He looked about the room, and then snapped back into reality and realised where he was.
There was something about that poster of the library policeman that he didn’t like. He used to be scared of the library policemen
(you can’t remember you can NEVER REMEMBER THIS)
when he was younger, but now he knew better.
He backed away from the doorway, looking for the adults large print section. He couldn’t see anything in the gloom of the library, so he flicked on the lights. It never occurred to him that he had been able to see the poster in the gloom. It’s funny what humans forget sometimes.
He knew the electricity company would be confused, but there would never be any sign of anything except that the lights had been flicked on sometime in the night. And his hirers would never know because it he had been here a day early.
In the newfound light, he looked around for the adults section. He headed towards it, knowing exactly what he was looking for.
H, I, J, K � bingo!
He scanned the “King� shelf, and found only two books. One the book he was looking for and another by some “Tabitha King.� He picked up the book he had come for.
It was titled “Four Past Midnight.� Apparently it was a collection of four ‘novellas�
(don’t read it, don’t read or you’ll)
The Langoliers
Secret Window, Secret Garden
The Sun Dog
²¹²Ô»åâ€�
The Library Policemen!
He was glad he’d come a night early, because with this newfound knowledge he even wanted to read it. He stowed the book in his jacket and set off home.
He was tired, and he slept all through the night, and through most of the day. He woke up, had his lunch and went to pick up the book when he realised that he hadn’t turned off the lights last night when he set off home.
He decided he would draw suspicion if he went down to the library
(library policemen, library policemen)
so he decided to go and read the book.
***
The book was missing. He couldn’t find it. That was $500,000 and his unharmed reputation down the drain.
(draining, draining, draining)
He was desperate for the money, although his last job had paid well, he needed it. Marv didn’t know how to live cheap, he had always had the most expensive taste out of anyone he knew.
Champagne over wine and cider over beer.
It was just the way he liked things. He had always been the poor kid on his block until he-
(don’t think about that, don’t think about that now)
He knew that he had put the book in the inside coffee table when he came in last night, but now he was unsure.
He hunted for the rest of that day, but to no avail. Just as he was getting ready for bed he saw the blue corner of the hardback copy of the book. I’ll read it in the morning, he thought and went to bed.
That night he had nightmares of The Library Policemen coming to eat him
(we’ll drain you, drain your body)
and he awoke with a start. The Library Policemen in his dream were covered in charred skin, burnt in what looked like some hideous fire. He could imagine the trials to become a library policeman. In his mind they were hideous tasks that no human could survive. But then again, the library policemen weren’t exactly mortal, but they weren’t immortal either.
He woke up in the morning with a painful neck. Neck cramp. Crap. He tried to move his neck around but he couldn’t. I’d better lay low for the day, hope that it recedes. And within two hours it did.
He went to pick up the book so that he could finally read the story of the library policemen. He might not even get a chance to read it, as the book was due in two hours. Due at 4:17 exactly. And then he would collect the money. He picked up the book and read the short introduction to The Library Policemen. And then he read the story.
***
Something was horribly wrong. On the pages weren’t words but pictures. And the pictures were of him in the
(don’t say it you can’t say it you can’t you’ll become one of us)
shed. There, I said it, how do you like that. And then he remembered that day as a young boy, that horrible day in the shed, when he didn’t know how to swim properly. And the late library book.
***
He had been young and innocent. His hair blonde instead of the heavy black that his older self would have. He had had one swimming lesson, and the only thing he knew how to swim was streamline.
Marv had issued out Tales from the Crypt the week before. He wasn’t allowed to read those sorts of things of course, but each week at the library he took home the latest issue. He hid them under his bed and read them with a torch at night.
In the latest issue, there had been a tale about library policemen. He and his friends had loved that story, although it scared them so. A couple of days later Marv’s friends dared him to return the book a day late. So he did.
The next day, feeling confident at his defeat of the library policemen, he asked his friends to dare him again. They told him to go to the old tin boatshed next to the lake and sleep there overnight.
Marv had told his parents he would be sleeping over at Jimmy’s house, and that he would be back in the morning, and his parents let him go without thinking to check with Jimmy’s parents that it was okay.
When Marv arrived at the boathouse, he opened the boathouse door and sat on the step. He marvelled at how rusty the shed was. It was dark inside, and could only faintly see the outline of half a dozen canoes. There’s no reason to sleep this early, he had thought, so he went out berry picking, taking raspberries from the nearby raspberry bush. He stowed them in his bag.
When he got back to the rusty shed, he unwrapped the sandwiches and ate them along with the raspberries, while watching the current of the river. Once he had sat there and read some Tales Of The Crypt he decided it was time to pack up and head to sleep.
He hopped inside his sleeping bag, and slept to the side of the doorway. He left the door open though, as he was a little frightened at the thought of sleeping out here on his own. He awoke sometime in the night because he heard funny noises.
He looked around, but couldn’t see anything because the moon wasn’t out tonight. But then he realised it was meant to be full moon tonight, and put his hand out to the doorway. The door was shut.
How strange, he thought, there’s no wind�
And then he felt something slimy slip across his back. He rolled over, and this time he saw something. He saw a face. A charred and burnt face. A library policeman! He screamed, realising that he hadn’t outwitted the library policeman.
‘Maaaarviiinn…Marvin…come to us…come to us now�
‘NO� Marvin screamed back, and pushed the creature off him with all his strength and dashed to the door. He pushed and shoved, and when the door finally burst open and when he was in the fresh air, he realised that he was surrounded by figures with charred faces.
The only way out was the river.

***
He was calculating in his head whether to run for it or jump into the stream, when he remembered a tiny nugget of information � the library policemen can’t swim!
Marv dashed for the river and jumped in. He did his streamline on his back, and with the current going the way he was swimming, he went fast.
He ended up appearing home, soaking wet at 2:00 AM. His parents had taken him to a psychiatrist and he managed to convince himself that he had imagined it all.
***
The current time Marv now looked up at the time � 4:19 PM. He was late to hand in the book.
Marv rushed to get to his feet, but by the time he was ready to go, three figures with charred faces had burst in the door. He looked up at the figures, and then to the book. The book was sprouting yellow legs that looked like horns. Marvin picked up the book, but dropped it when he felt his pupils start to dilate.
He felt a burning sensation all over his body, and when he looked down, he saw his body was burnt.
He had been late to return the book.

I wish I could, I can edit good, but I'm on my phone, if only I had the computer, but ny bros on it smh, however, I like the main topic of ure story, its different

I'm on my tablet right now but when I get to an actual computer I will do an in-text edit for you. It looks pretty good from what I see right now though.

Awesome! Thanks you two for the offers, and I hooe you like it!

Here it is, it is long though and I maxed out the character limit so I posted two things. If you have any questions please ask, I was not sure what grammatical terms you know/don't know or certain things in that area (you may not have been taught them in school yet). It should be free of spelling errors according to U.S. spellings (like in Britain they spell color with a u) and things I was not sure on I left alone and just made a comment. I focused more on structual and mechinacal issues than I did on other writting areas. I did critique everthing though so don't worry at all the addations/corrections, they are just little things most of the time.

Marvin Sloat was a thief. He did not quite understand why he had been hired to steal a book. Especially seeing as Stephen King is so mainstream
(streamline) ((if this is a thought make it a bit more clear and to do it ‘properly� it needs to be put in apostrophes like: ‘streamline� and add a bit more too it so the reader knows it is a thought then you can be more vague with them through out the rest of the piece))
that you could buy one of his books for $1 on eBay! ((Rephrase so it isn’t repetitive, we know it is a book, so to help with fluidity phrase it as ‘that you could buy one for a dollar on eBay!� or however you wish, that is just an example))
But the pay was good, so he asked no questions. Although he was curious((this is a fragment, join the last sentence and the next placing commas around ‘although he was curious� this fixes the fragment problem and will make it flow better))He had come to the library a day early to steal the book, ((put a semi colon here instead of a comma to complement the earlier edit)) so he could have a quick read of the book himself.
He approached the library under the moonlight, and stepped up to the lock. It was an easy lock to pick, especially because it was so rusty
(the rust, the RUST ((all caps makes reading unpleasant, just repeating is good emphasis))) ((once again, if this is a thought see first edit))
The door opened in, and in the dim gloom he could see the shelves and shelves of books. He groped in his bag for the torch. He let out a small ‘shit� and went inside to the gloom. ((Rephrase these past two sentences, they are very choppy need to flow smoother, if you need an example ask))
It was a big room, with a high roof and ((take out and, put a comma)) walls wide ((insert and)) set apart. It was eerie, and ((delete and)) dark
(the darkness, oh the darkness, I’m scared of the dark oh) ((see earlier thought comments))
and he didn’t like it. ((Semi colon here)) But, $500,000 was in the bag if he could pull this off, so he continued on into the darkness. He didn’t like the silence either. Think about the money, just think about the money. ((This seems like a thought, please clarify or fix according to the very first edit about thoughts)) He reached the doorframe to the children’s section without even realizing he was there. He ((he is very repetitive, either use his name here or delete it and start the sentence with looking and rephrase the sentence accordingly)) looked about the room, and then snapped back into reality and realized where he was.
There was something about that poster of the library policeman that he didn’t like. ((Semi colon)) He used to be scared of the library policemen
(you can’t remember you can NEVER REMEMBER THIS) ((see earlier comments about this, also don’t use caps))
when he was younger, but now he knew better.
He ((using he over and over is boring to the reader, use his name instead or rephrase your sentence)) backed away from the doorway, looking for the adult’s large print section. He couldn’t see anything in the gloom of the library, so he flicked on the lights. ((show instead of tell here))It never occurred to him that he had been able to see the poster in the gloom. ((put a comma or semi colon here)) It’s funny what humans forget sometimes.
He knew the electricity company would be confused, but there would never be any sign of anything except that the lights had been flicked on sometime in the night. And ((try not to start sentences with and, rephrase this))his hirers would never know because it he had been here a day early.
In the newfound light, he looked around for the adults section. He headed towards it, knowing exactly what he was looking for.
H, I, J, K � bingo! ((if this is a thought please treat accordingly))
He scanned the “King� shelf, and found only two books. One the book he was looking for and another by some “Tabitha King.� ((Fragment, please rephrase, if you need help ask)) He picked up the book he had come for.
It was titled “Four past Midnight.� Apparently it was a collection of four ‘novellas�
(don’t read it, don’t read or you’ll)
The Langoliers
Secret Window, Secret Garden
The Sun Dog
²¹²Ô»åâ€�
The Library Policemen! ((If these are book titles list them in secession with commas, not in an actual list))
He was glad he’d come a night early, because with this newfound knowledge he even wanted to read it. He ((he is getting repetitive again)) stowed the book in his jacket and set off home.
He was tired, and he slept all through the night, and through most of the day. He ((he is repetitive)) woke up, had his lunch and went to pick up the book when he realized that he hadn’t turned off the lights last night when he set off home.
He decided he would draw suspicion if he went down to the library
(library policemen, library policemen) ((is this a thought? Refer to first comment))
so he decided to go and read the book.
***
The book was missing. He couldn’t find it. That was $500,000 and his unharmed reputation down the drain. ((This section is a bit choppy, rephrase it))
(draining, draining, draining) ((see earlier thought comments))
He was desperate for the money, although his last job had paid well, he needed it. Maty ((Marty?))didn’t know how to live cheap; he had always had the most expensive taste out of anyone he knew.
Champagne over wine and cider over beer. ((rephrase as so: ‘knew, champagne over wine and cider over beer�))
It was just the way he liked things. He had always been the poor kid on his block until he-
(don’t think about that, don’t think about that now) ((see earlier thought comments))
He knew that he had put the book in the inside coffee table when he came in last night, but now he was unsure.
He ((he is getting really repetitive at this point)) hunted for the rest of that day, but to no avail. Just as he was getting ready for bed he saw the blue corner of the hardback copy of the book. I’ll read it in the morning,((semi colon)) he thought and went to bed.
That night he had nightmares of The Library Policemen coming to eat him
(we’ll drain you, drain your body) ((see earlier thought comments))
and he awoke with a start. The Library Policemen in his dream were covered in charred skin, burnt in what looked like some hideous fire. He could imagine the trials to become a library policeman. In his mind they were hideous tasks that no human could survive. But then again, the library policemen weren’t exactly mortal, but they weren’t immortal either.
He woke up in the morning with a painful neck. Neck cramp. Crap. ((Dialogue issue))He tried to move his neck around but he couldn’t. I’d better lay low for the day, hope that it recedes. ((refer to thought comments)) And within two hours it did.
He went to pick up the book so that he could finally read the story of the library policemen. He might not even get a chance to read it, as the book was due in two hours. Due at 4:17 exactly. ((put a comma after hours then put this part, it is a fragment))And then he would collect the money. ((after your comma put a semi colon, take out and, then but a comma after then and put a period after that sentence)) He picked up the book and read the short introduction to The Library Policemen. And then he read the story. ((fragment again))
***
Something was horribly wrong. On the pages weren’t words but pictures. And the pictures were of him in the
(don’t say it you can’t say it you can’t you’ll become one of us) ((see other thought comments))
shed. There, I said it, how do you like that. ((confused about this sentence))And then he remembered that day as a young boy, that horrible day in the shed, when he didn’t know how to swim properly. And the late library book. ((fragment))
***
He had been young and innocent. His hair blonde instead of the heavy black that his older self would have. ((fragment))He had had one swimming lesson, and the only thing he knew how to swim was streamline.
Marv had issued out Tales from the Crypt the week before. He wasn’t allowed to read those sorts of things of course, but each week at the library he took home the latest issue. He ((he is repetitive)) hid them under his bed and read them with a torch at night.
In the latest issue, there had been a tale about library policemen. He and his friends had loved that story, although it scared them so. A couple of days later Marv’s friends dared him to return the book a day late. So he did.
The next day, feeling confident at his defeat of the library policemen, he asked his friends to dare him again. They told him to go to the old tin boatshed next to the lake and sleep there overnight.
Marv had told his parents he would be sleeping over at Jimmy’s house, and that he would be back in the morning, and his parents let him go without thinking to check with Jimmy’s parents that it was okay.
When Marv arrived at the boathouse, he opened the boathouse door and sat on the step. He marveled at how rusty the shed was. It was dark inside, and could only faintly see the outline of half a dozen canoes. There’s no reason to sleep this early, he had thought, so he went out berry picking, taking raspberries from the nearby raspberry bush. He ((he is repetitive)) stowed them in his bag.
When he got back to the rusty shed, he unwrapped the sandwiches and ate them along with the raspberries, while watching the current of the river. Once he had sat there and read some Tales of the Crypt he decided it was time to pack up and head to sleep.
He hopped inside his sleeping bag, and slept to the side of the doorway. He ((he is repetitive)) left the door open though, as he was a little frightened at the thought of sleeping out here on his own. He awoke sometime in the night because he heard funny noises.
He looked around, but couldn’t see anything because the moon wasn’t out tonight. But then he realized it was meant to be full moon tonight, and put his hand out to the doorway. The door was shut.
How strange, he thought, there’s no wind�
And then he felt something slimy slip across his back. He rolled over, and this time he saw something. He saw a face. A charred and burnt face. A library policeman! He screamed, realizing that he hadn’t outwitted the library policeman.
‘Maaaarviiinn…Marvin…come to us…come to us now�
‘NO�((don’t put caps))Marvin screamed back, and pushed the creature off him with all his strength and dashed to the door. He pushed and shoved, and when the door finally burst open and when he was in the fresh air, he realized that he was surrounded by figures with charred faces.
The only way out was the river.

***
He was calculating in his head whether to run for it or jump into the stream, when he remembered a tiny nugget of information � the library policemen can’t swim!
Marv dashed for the river and jumped in. He did his streamline on his back, and with the current going the way he was swimming, he went fast. ((put more complex sentences here, it will flow better))
He ((he is repetitive at this point)) ended up appearing home, soaking wet at 2:00 AM. His parents had taken him to a psychiatrist and he managed to convince himself that he had imagined it all.
***
The current time Marv now looked up at the time � 4:19 PM. He was late to hand in the book.
Marv rushed to get to his feet, but by the time he was ready to go, three figures with charred faces had burst in the door. He looked up at the figures, and then to the book. The book was sprouting yellow legs that looked like horns. Marvin picked up the book, but dropped it when he felt his pupils start to dilate.
He felt a burning sensation all over his body, and when he looked down, he saw his body was burnt.
He had been late to return the book. ((show don’t tell))

The bits in brackets are in italics, but when I copied and pasted that didn't show up

Oh, and could you help with the fragment?

Josiah wrote: "The bits in brackets are in italics, but when I copied and pasted that didn't show up"


Oh *light bulb* okay, that would make a ton of sense. Just ignore the comments regarding those then. Italics won't show because of the site formating, if you want italics click the (some html is ok) link above the comment box and it will give you directions. Sorry about that, oveall I like your piece though :)

Thanks for the editing, cool

Josiah wrote: "Thanks for the editing, cool"

No problem :)