"If I wanted to learn how to walk, I would ask WikiHow.

Ah, how I’ve missed Poppy Ballfoyer and Mr. Golden Violates Consent. In this book, they revisit some of their favorite skills—talking about nothing, insisting the other is lying, and fawning over eyeballs.

My heart stammered as my eyes locked onto his, orbs a shade of stunning, cool amber.

“I’m doing that because I like lying on top of you.��
“Well, I don’t,�� I bit out.
“That’s a lie.��

Kingdom of Flesh and Fire is basically 2000s YA paranormal Wattpad fiction.

How do I summarize the plot when there is no plot? I can’t believe it took an entire book for Poppy to get from Solis to Atlantia. A whole book. A 637-page book. Nothing happened. No character development, no action. Just Casteel and Poppy pretending to hate each other but then kissing every other page.

He smiled up at me, his eyes twin golden flames.

The world’s Twilight phase is finally dying, right? Don’t worry, Twihards. When the world needed Twilight the most, JLA appeared. She’ll save you with her buff vampires and buff werewolves and the biting of lips.

Casteel watched me sleep? Wait.

”That’s creepy,�� I murmured. “The watching me while I sleep part.��

She also stole from ACOTAR (uh, like everything: mates, Atlantians, the characters�� personalities) and Shadowhunters (parabatai). Nothing—and I mean nothing—about this book is original.

It turned his eyes from cool amber to warm honey.

The worldbuilding is still just names of real places with a letter changed. Is this trying to be subtle? What’s the difference between a Craven and a vampry? Nobody knows. The language in this book is confusing, as well. It’s a fantasy book, but words like yeah, okay, weird, hey, sucks, lemonade, weirds me out, nope, and wanna are used.

The golden hue of his irises had chilled.

“Casteel Hawkethrone Da’Neer.��
*chokes on my cocoa*

Even Rhysand It’s Your Choice But Not Really is better than Casteel. He’s seriously asking Poppy to marry him after forbidding her from leaving the house? And then he honestly believes he’s giving her a choice? He essentially says she’ll die if she doesn’t marry him. He keeps avoiding the question and ignoring her protests and basically forcing her into marriage. Is this a horror novel?

“It’s official,�� Casteel said. “I’m going to have to kill him.��
“What? Why?��
“I don’t like the way he looks at you.��
“How does he look at me?��
“He looks at you like I do.��

Not Casteel pinning her to the bed and not letting go when she asks him to repeatedly. Not him killing someone for no reason and Poppy forgiving him because sHe BeTrAyEd yOu (fOr SoMeThiNg MiNiScULe) So It’S oKaY.

The intensity in those amber eyes held me captive.

Poppy and Casteel have this game they like to play called Pretend.
No, they are not toddlers.
Yes, they are adults. Mature adults? Debatable. But adults nonetheless.

They yell at each other and then Poppy asks, “Can we play pretend?�� Then they suddenly tolerate each other enough to get married. Communication at its finest.


Speaking of communication, the queen of abusing ellipses and commas has returned! And she’s better than ever 😍

“Are you�� well?�� I asked. “The wound appears...quite fierce.��
“It is a very...fierce wound.��

A fawn-colored one that reminded me of Kieran but smaller, limped backward away from a knight.

Does anyone actually proofread this?


Of course, there has to be an infodump machine by the name of Alastir. He’s there to conveniently fill Poppy in on everything she doesn’t know. I wish I had an Alastir to tell me how to fix my life.

I twisted toward him, ignoring the jump in my pulse as heavy, hooded, amber eyes met mine.

Poppy’s powers are random. She can do anything and there are no limits. Just whatever is convenient at the time. She was chosen because the gods “found her speshul.�� Her power is a total plot convenience. Someone needs to be saved? Whoa, she has another power. She needs to get out of trouble? Whoa, she has another power.

Casteel’s eyes were like warm pools of gold.

0.0001 dArK sPiCe AnD PiNe stars; but why is there only one female character.







____

I can't believe it took Poppy 637 pages to travel from one place to another.
They weren't even that far away.
This book was a waste of time. I can feel my brain cells slipping away.

Review to come..."