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A Manual for Heartache
The wise and inspiring new book from the bestselling author of The Last Act of Love.
When Cathy Rentzenbrink was still a teenager, her happy family was torn apart by an unthinkable tragedy. In A Manual for Heartache she describes how she learnt to live with grief and loss and find joy in the world again. She explores how to cope with life at its most difficult and overwhelming and how we can emerge from suffering forever changed, but filled with hope.
This is a moving, warm and uplifting book that offers solidarity and comfort to anyone going through a painful time, whatever it might be. It’s a book that will help to soothe an aching heart and assure its readers that they’re not alone.
When Cathy Rentzenbrink was still a teenager, her happy family was torn apart by an unthinkable tragedy. In A Manual for Heartache she describes how she learnt to live with grief and loss and find joy in the world again. She explores how to cope with life at its most difficult and overwhelming and how we can emerge from suffering forever changed, but filled with hope.
This is a moving, warm and uplifting book that offers solidarity and comfort to anyone going through a painful time, whatever it might be. It’s a book that will help to soothe an aching heart and assure its readers that they’re not alone.
160 pages, Hardcover
First published June 29, 2017
78 people are currently reading
3346 people want to read
About the author
Cathy Rentzenbrink
13books313followersCathy Rentzenbrink grew up in Yorkshire and now lives in London. A former Waterstones bookseller, she is now Project Director of the charity Quick Reads and Associate Editor of The Bookseller magazine.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 182 reviews
August 10, 2021
Firstly , i want to say thank you...
Thank you Cathy for this gift which is dedicated to that one person out of four.
Publishing this takes such a courage and you really are a survivor.
I used this book as a guide to my wandering mind and O boy... it helped.
and surely i WILL reread this....
I Highly Recommend this book to everyone who thinks that they are broken
or sensitive. The pain that is felt by a kid who lost his toy and a king who lost his kingdom is the same....someone told me this.. and i think it is true.
Thank you Cathy for this gift which is dedicated to that one person out of four.
Publishing this takes such a courage and you really are a survivor.
I used this book as a guide to my wandering mind and O boy... it helped.
and surely i WILL reread this....
I Highly Recommend this book to everyone who thinks that they are broken
or sensitive. The pain that is felt by a kid who lost his toy and a king who lost his kingdom is the same....someone told me this.. and i think it is true.
July 18, 2024
4.50 �
GENRE - SELF HELP.
A very special book one which will be close to my heart. We all have lost someone or the other in our lifetime atleast once. According to the Author 1in 4 people go into depression because of personal losses.
I had purchased this book in 2017 in Kuwait while I was working there it was a period where I suffered terrible Depression and was looking for various options to ease my pain, I always thought of opening this book and reading it but whenever I opened the book I had a fear that this book will tell me something that I wasn't ready to accept since at that period I personally suffered a loss in 2015 when I was dumped by the woman I had loved dearly and kept holding on to the fact that she would return to me someday. What I was doing was not accepting that she wouldn't return and brooding on the 5 years that I had invested on the relationship.
I finally opened the book once again and completed it 😃
About the Book - Cathy Rentzenbrink has given her personal account on the personal trauma she went through after loosing her dear Brother to an accident suddenly. A very honestly written book where she has shared her struggles in coping up with her personal loss as well as the people she met who had lost some one or the other in their personal life.
There is this part in the book where she writes a letter to her dearest Son on the Do's and Don'ts in life which was heart touching. A higly impressive, effective and recommended book.
Thank You🙂🙏�
GENRE - SELF HELP.
A very special book one which will be close to my heart. We all have lost someone or the other in our lifetime atleast once. According to the Author 1in 4 people go into depression because of personal losses.
I had purchased this book in 2017 in Kuwait while I was working there it was a period where I suffered terrible Depression and was looking for various options to ease my pain, I always thought of opening this book and reading it but whenever I opened the book I had a fear that this book will tell me something that I wasn't ready to accept since at that period I personally suffered a loss in 2015 when I was dumped by the woman I had loved dearly and kept holding on to the fact that she would return to me someday. What I was doing was not accepting that she wouldn't return and brooding on the 5 years that I had invested on the relationship.
I finally opened the book once again and completed it 😃
About the Book - Cathy Rentzenbrink has given her personal account on the personal trauma she went through after loosing her dear Brother to an accident suddenly. A very honestly written book where she has shared her struggles in coping up with her personal loss as well as the people she met who had lost some one or the other in their personal life.
There is this part in the book where she writes a letter to her dearest Son on the Do's and Don'ts in life which was heart touching. A higly impressive, effective and recommended book.
Thank You🙂🙏�
March 13, 2019
I listened to this one on audiobook via my library’s BorrowBox service!
A raw, powerful and emotional listen. Author Cathy Rentzenbrink opens up about a sudden tragedy that tore her and her family’s life apart forever. During the grieving process, she shares what tips helped her through the tough times and opening up your heart to living life to the full again. As someone who experienced a horrific tragedy myself at the age of twelve, A Manual for Heartache had that instant connection with me. I will try and use some of the tips to help with my heartache process.
A raw, powerful and emotional listen. Author Cathy Rentzenbrink opens up about a sudden tragedy that tore her and her family’s life apart forever. During the grieving process, she shares what tips helped her through the tough times and opening up your heart to living life to the full again. As someone who experienced a horrific tragedy myself at the age of twelve, A Manual for Heartache had that instant connection with me. I will try and use some of the tips to help with my heartache process.
February 5, 2017
It's not always easy to tell our stories. Sometimes they're complicated and don't fit into a neat, straightforward narrative. Sometimes we're scared we won't be believed or understood. Sometimes we're too ashamed. Often we don't realise that we are not the only one feeling the way we do, or who has experienced things that seem too dark and messy to put into words. The strange thing is that just acknowledging all of this can come as a relief, and I felt that relief as I read the opening chapter of A Manual for Heartache.
A Manual for Heartache is a book that could change the life of someone whose hands it finds its way into at the right moment. I wish I could go back and give it to my younger self at various points in my own life. A copy should be issued to every teenager in school.
It's an easy book to read because it has the clarity and power of truth. It doesn't peddle bullshit solutions but an acceptance that life can be brutally, devastatingly hard at times, and without selling snake oil quick fixes it provides sound suggestions and strategies for navigating the tides of grief, trauma, anxiety and depression. It also delivers that most important of messages: You are not alone.
Declaration of interest: I received a review copy of this book from my publisher. This has not influenced my opinion - I receive lots of books from publishers and only read or review the ones I choose.
A Manual for Heartache is a book that could change the life of someone whose hands it finds its way into at the right moment. I wish I could go back and give it to my younger self at various points in my own life. A copy should be issued to every teenager in school.
It's an easy book to read because it has the clarity and power of truth. It doesn't peddle bullshit solutions but an acceptance that life can be brutally, devastatingly hard at times, and without selling snake oil quick fixes it provides sound suggestions and strategies for navigating the tides of grief, trauma, anxiety and depression. It also delivers that most important of messages: You are not alone.
Declaration of interest: I received a review copy of this book from my publisher. This has not influenced my opinion - I receive lots of books from publishers and only read or review the ones I choose.
December 12, 2017
This book was everything I needed in few pages .
It felt like a cozy cuddle .
It felt like a cozy cuddle .
July 17, 2017
(3.5) This is a follow-up to Rentzenbrink’s memoir, The Last Act of Love, which was about the accident that left her brother in a vegetative state for eight years and the legal battle she and her parents fought to be able to end his life. Unfortunately, the first quarter of this book contains pretty generic, clichéd advice for people who have been through family tragedy, illness or some other hardship. It’s when Rentzenbrink makes things personal, talking about her own struggles with PTSD and depression and the strategies that have helped her over the years, that the book improves, and it maintains a pretty high standard throughout. Although you wouldn’t really call anything in here groundbreaking, it’s a slim and accessible volume that I could see being helpful for anyone who’s grieving, even someone who’s not usually a reader or has a short attention span.
A couple favorite passages:
“Experiencing grief for the first time is like the dark twin of falling in love. It feels a bit crazy, and we don’t think anyone has ever felt exactly as we do. But of course they have.�
“We don’t need to be unbroken. Our first step is simply to stop trying to hide our scars. Heartache is human.�
I won a copy in a ŷ giveaway.
A couple favorite passages:
“Experiencing grief for the first time is like the dark twin of falling in love. It feels a bit crazy, and we don’t think anyone has ever felt exactly as we do. But of course they have.�
“We don’t need to be unbroken. Our first step is simply to stop trying to hide our scars. Heartache is human.�
I won a copy in a ŷ giveaway.
April 7, 2017
A Manual for Heartache is a wonderful read, because it is like having a kind, comforting and compassionate friend in book form, one who listens with understanding and without judgment. I am so very grateful to the author for writing this book, for sharing her experiences and her highs and lows, for writing so honestly and frankly about pain, loss, depression and the struggle to get back up and continue on. It's a beautiful book too in terms of how it has been put together, with decent sized font and short sections, which is often so much easier to read for someone who is struggling. I feel it is one that I will return to many times, to re-read, especially some of the sentences and passages which I've marked and tabbed, to revisit the wise advice and comfort which they contain.
March 24, 2019
I discovered Cathy Rentzenbrink's 'A Manual of Heartache' through a friend who highly recommended it. I read it yesterday in one breath.
Cathy Rentzenbrink lost her brother when she was a teenager and she grieved for years and was depressed too. When she came out of it, she wrote her memoir about her experience called 'The Last Act of Love'. When people asked her whether they could give her memoir to loved ones who were grieving or who were depressed and whether it would help them cope with their grief and depression (or whether it would sink them more into a deeper spiral of grief and depression), Cathy Rentzenbrink decided to write a second book which offered readers advice on how to help loved ones who are grieving and how to cope with grief and depression and tough situations themselves. This is that book.
Cathy Rentzenbrink describes her book, beautifully, like this - "I think of this book as a verbal cuddle, or a loving message in a bottle � tossed into the sea to wash up at the feet of someone in need...This is my far from perfect guide on how to be alive in this cruel but beautiful world."
Cathy Rentzenbrink starts the book by describing what kind of unpleasant situations can happen in one's life, leading to heartbreak and heartache and grief and depression. She differentiates between heartbreak and heartache thus :
"Perhaps heartbreak is what happens on impact, and heartache is what we are left with as time passes, once the dust settles, when we are able to look up and around us but are still shrouded in sadness."
She describes such heartbreak inducing events, as grenades which explode in our lives. She describes what happens after the grenade explodes :
"That’s what the grenade moment does. It separates the old life from the new and there will forever be a divide. The blade has come down. Life as we knew it has been detached, truncated. What lies on the other side is both unknowable and unthinkable."
But, she also offers a glimpse into the future, for those of us who have walked into a grenade explosion.
"There is a world on the other side of the guillotine. It’s not the one you know and the undamaged version of you is lost in time. But there is a life to explore and a new version of you is waiting to walk into it."
In the initial chapters Cathy Rentzenbrink describes how we can help our loved ones who have had a heartbreak. One of the things she says, which I loved, was that we should avoid saying stuff like 'Everything happens for a reason', or 'Time is a great healer', or 'What doesn't kill you will make you stronger', or 'God doesn't give you more than you can handle.' (She expands a little more on 'Time being a great healer' - "I’ve never understood the notion of time being a great healer, because all I ever tried to do was grit my teeth and wait for time to pass or try to distract myself from it, but I missed the point. Time itself doesn’t have magic properties; it’s what you do with the time that matters.") Because this doesn't improve the emotional condition of the person who is grieving. She says that a better way of making loved ones feel better is to just be present for them, offer them unlimited kindness, and listen to them when they talk. I think this is one of the most beautiful pieces of advice given in the book and this is one of my favourite parts of the book.
In the rest of the book Cathy Rentzenbrink describes what we can do when we are grieving or are depressed ourselves. She describes how we can accept grief, how we can cope with it and feel better, how we can chase away depressive thoughts and invite happy thoughts, how we can keep a gratitude journal to make us feel better, how small acts of love and kindness help us in small but significant ways, how we can change unhappy thoughts to happy ones, how to cope with the fear of dying, how reading and writing can make us happier and help us cope with emotionally tough situations.
The advice that Cathy Rentzenbrink offers is practical and easy to follow, and if we put some thought, we can figure it out ourselves. But it is nice to see all of this insightful advice, together, inside in this slim book.
I have seen posts by friends and readers asking for book recommendations which will help a loved one cope with grief, loss, and depression. I was always at a loss when I saw those posts. Now, I think I have found the perfect book which might help them. This is that book.
Have you read Cathy Rentzenbrink's 'A Manual for Heartache'? What do you think about it?
Cathy Rentzenbrink lost her brother when she was a teenager and she grieved for years and was depressed too. When she came out of it, she wrote her memoir about her experience called 'The Last Act of Love'. When people asked her whether they could give her memoir to loved ones who were grieving or who were depressed and whether it would help them cope with their grief and depression (or whether it would sink them more into a deeper spiral of grief and depression), Cathy Rentzenbrink decided to write a second book which offered readers advice on how to help loved ones who are grieving and how to cope with grief and depression and tough situations themselves. This is that book.
Cathy Rentzenbrink describes her book, beautifully, like this - "I think of this book as a verbal cuddle, or a loving message in a bottle � tossed into the sea to wash up at the feet of someone in need...This is my far from perfect guide on how to be alive in this cruel but beautiful world."
Cathy Rentzenbrink starts the book by describing what kind of unpleasant situations can happen in one's life, leading to heartbreak and heartache and grief and depression. She differentiates between heartbreak and heartache thus :
"Perhaps heartbreak is what happens on impact, and heartache is what we are left with as time passes, once the dust settles, when we are able to look up and around us but are still shrouded in sadness."
She describes such heartbreak inducing events, as grenades which explode in our lives. She describes what happens after the grenade explodes :
"That’s what the grenade moment does. It separates the old life from the new and there will forever be a divide. The blade has come down. Life as we knew it has been detached, truncated. What lies on the other side is both unknowable and unthinkable."
But, she also offers a glimpse into the future, for those of us who have walked into a grenade explosion.
"There is a world on the other side of the guillotine. It’s not the one you know and the undamaged version of you is lost in time. But there is a life to explore and a new version of you is waiting to walk into it."
In the initial chapters Cathy Rentzenbrink describes how we can help our loved ones who have had a heartbreak. One of the things she says, which I loved, was that we should avoid saying stuff like 'Everything happens for a reason', or 'Time is a great healer', or 'What doesn't kill you will make you stronger', or 'God doesn't give you more than you can handle.' (She expands a little more on 'Time being a great healer' - "I’ve never understood the notion of time being a great healer, because all I ever tried to do was grit my teeth and wait for time to pass or try to distract myself from it, but I missed the point. Time itself doesn’t have magic properties; it’s what you do with the time that matters.") Because this doesn't improve the emotional condition of the person who is grieving. She says that a better way of making loved ones feel better is to just be present for them, offer them unlimited kindness, and listen to them when they talk. I think this is one of the most beautiful pieces of advice given in the book and this is one of my favourite parts of the book.
In the rest of the book Cathy Rentzenbrink describes what we can do when we are grieving or are depressed ourselves. She describes how we can accept grief, how we can cope with it and feel better, how we can chase away depressive thoughts and invite happy thoughts, how we can keep a gratitude journal to make us feel better, how small acts of love and kindness help us in small but significant ways, how we can change unhappy thoughts to happy ones, how to cope with the fear of dying, how reading and writing can make us happier and help us cope with emotionally tough situations.
The advice that Cathy Rentzenbrink offers is practical and easy to follow, and if we put some thought, we can figure it out ourselves. But it is nice to see all of this insightful advice, together, inside in this slim book.
I have seen posts by friends and readers asking for book recommendations which will help a loved one cope with grief, loss, and depression. I was always at a loss when I saw those posts. Now, I think I have found the perfect book which might help them. This is that book.
Have you read Cathy Rentzenbrink's 'A Manual for Heartache'? What do you think about it?
February 11, 2017
It is hard to articulate feelings, especially when we're consumed by them or see that they're weighing heavily on the people we love. For anyone who has ever been lost for words there is this little book. Cathy Rentzenbrink has given us something powerful, tender, and completely disarming here. 'A Manual for Heartache' it may be, but it also feels like a survival guide for life.
Cathy’s affecting debut, 'The Last Act of Love', explored a personal grief. Here, she has distilled numerous fraught years into easily digestible plain-speak to offer us guidance through our own. This is not a how-to, or a miracle fix; it is comforting advice borne out of years of seeking her own way through. It cherry-picks its philosophy from a broad tree. Elements of religion here and literature there, of customs from another time � even the wisdom of Harry Potter is added to the mix. The shorter, easily digestible nature of this book reminds me very much of Matt Haig’s ‘Reasons to Stay Alive� in that it feels designed to be accessible to all, including those at their least able to absorb the written word.
There were moments here when I felt hugged through the pages and moments when I felt exposed for the messy, fragile being that I am. Still, for every emotional bruise that has been gently prodded by this book, I cannot recommend it highly enough. One to read and return to, one to lean on and loan out. A necessary book.
Cathy’s affecting debut, 'The Last Act of Love', explored a personal grief. Here, she has distilled numerous fraught years into easily digestible plain-speak to offer us guidance through our own. This is not a how-to, or a miracle fix; it is comforting advice borne out of years of seeking her own way through. It cherry-picks its philosophy from a broad tree. Elements of religion here and literature there, of customs from another time � even the wisdom of Harry Potter is added to the mix. The shorter, easily digestible nature of this book reminds me very much of Matt Haig’s ‘Reasons to Stay Alive� in that it feels designed to be accessible to all, including those at their least able to absorb the written word.
There were moments here when I felt hugged through the pages and moments when I felt exposed for the messy, fragile being that I am. Still, for every emotional bruise that has been gently prodded by this book, I cannot recommend it highly enough. One to read and return to, one to lean on and loan out. A necessary book.
February 23, 2017
Like warm, wise advise from a good friend, this is a great read. Bringing on occasions both a smile of recognition and tears to my eyes, I found it to be helpful and simply kind. Recommended!
December 28, 2017
I enjoyed every word written in the pages of this book. Recommended.
May 1, 2022
Interesting self help book where the author does discuss her mental health and talks about plans to help oneself
August 26, 2017
What a wonderful little book!
The author has previously written about the death of her brother (I haven't read it), and this is the book she says is pretty safe to give someone who is struggling with grief and depression without (hopefully) being to triggering.
Here she talks about how everyone has a back story and one in four people has depression and so you can pretty much assume that most people are struggling in some way. She also talks about how there isn't a hierarchy in grief (which i really liked), it's not helpful to say to someone 'oh you think you've got problems, this is what's happening to me...', because grief is grief and depression is depression so it doesn't really matter (here) what the back story is. I related to this, as for the longest time, I felt bad about being so sad about the death of a close friend, - because I guess, I felt that it was worse for her family etc etc but it made me think (which I sorta already know) that it doesn't really matter - if you're sad, you're sad - but, as she also wisely pointed out - don't make it all about you.
She also talks about things that can be triggering and how you can try and reset this trigger in some way. And also about books - How books can make you learn things, but can also be there when you're feeling sad.
Everyone should read this! Thanks Bert!
The author has previously written about the death of her brother (I haven't read it), and this is the book she says is pretty safe to give someone who is struggling with grief and depression without (hopefully) being to triggering.
Here she talks about how everyone has a back story and one in four people has depression and so you can pretty much assume that most people are struggling in some way. She also talks about how there isn't a hierarchy in grief (which i really liked), it's not helpful to say to someone 'oh you think you've got problems, this is what's happening to me...', because grief is grief and depression is depression so it doesn't really matter (here) what the back story is. I related to this, as for the longest time, I felt bad about being so sad about the death of a close friend, - because I guess, I felt that it was worse for her family etc etc but it made me think (which I sorta already know) that it doesn't really matter - if you're sad, you're sad - but, as she also wisely pointed out - don't make it all about you.
She also talks about things that can be triggering and how you can try and reset this trigger in some way. And also about books - How books can make you learn things, but can also be there when you're feeling sad.
Everyone should read this! Thanks Bert!
May 20, 2021
A beautiful book. Comforting, kind and real. It reminds you that you are not alone and (sadly) many of us are grieving and dealing with pain. I adore the way Cathy Rentzenbrink writes, so accessible and eloquent. Highly recommended.
June 3, 2017
Life hurts .... yes, it does. Yes, it bloody well does, and often. Cathy Rentzenbrink begins her book with those two words, and wonders why we are surprised that life hurts us. I like to think we are constantly surprised each time life takes a great big bite out of us because, on the whole, we want to believe that life it great, and fun and full of wonderful things. And, yes, it is, but when it decides to turn against us, it hurts so much, and that hurt is often overwhelming, and hard to deal with. It's often difficult to believe that life will ever be pain free again.
My copy of A Manual for Heartache is full of turned-down page corners; marking some wonderful and wise words that I am determined to remember when life begins to feel sore. When Cathy Rentzenbrink published her first book; The Last Act of Love, she exposed her inner-most feelings, she was so brutally honest about how her brother's death affected her, her words within that book have stayed with me for the two years since I read it.
Writing that book didn't heal the author, or take away all of the pain. She's frankly honest within the pages of this latest book about her depression, and how it can floor her for days. She's also done a wonderful thing by sharing her own coping strategies here for other people. Those of us who have experienced personal heartbreak can only benefit from reading A Manual for Heartache, a book that the author herself describes as "a verbal cuddle, or a loving message in a bottle - tossed into the sea to wash up at the feet of someone in need."
Although this book is short and slim (and very beautifully presented), it is absolutely packed full of down to earth wisdom. Cathy Rentzenbrink's understanding of the human psyche is not the result of years of psychological study, it is down to her truly empathic nature. She realises that some people find it very difficult to talk to someone who is going through heartbreak, she doesn't criticise but she offers solutions. She offers ways of making sure that we can truly care for someone in crisis without being patronising, or frightened ... but by being human, and kind and true.
I really do urge everyone to buy a copy of this book, read it and keep it. Every single one of us will find something in there that will help us, at some point in our life. If you are one of the 'one in four' who have a mental illness; if you lose a loved one, there is something to help you. It doesn't matter if your heartache is personal to you, or is the result of some far flung politician's decision, or due to a terrible story you saw on the news. The author talks about how feeling powerless doesn't mean that we can't do little things to make things feel better, and for me, this was the part of the book that had most effect. As I watch Question Time, or hear Trump's latest speech and feel my heart aching for our future, I will write down five good things about life, or eat cheese on toast, or kiss my husband, and hope that those small, good things will lessen the pain.
A Manual for Heartache is required reading, it is uplifting and wise and truly wonderful.
My copy of A Manual for Heartache is full of turned-down page corners; marking some wonderful and wise words that I am determined to remember when life begins to feel sore. When Cathy Rentzenbrink published her first book; The Last Act of Love, she exposed her inner-most feelings, she was so brutally honest about how her brother's death affected her, her words within that book have stayed with me for the two years since I read it.
Writing that book didn't heal the author, or take away all of the pain. She's frankly honest within the pages of this latest book about her depression, and how it can floor her for days. She's also done a wonderful thing by sharing her own coping strategies here for other people. Those of us who have experienced personal heartbreak can only benefit from reading A Manual for Heartache, a book that the author herself describes as "a verbal cuddle, or a loving message in a bottle - tossed into the sea to wash up at the feet of someone in need."
Although this book is short and slim (and very beautifully presented), it is absolutely packed full of down to earth wisdom. Cathy Rentzenbrink's understanding of the human psyche is not the result of years of psychological study, it is down to her truly empathic nature. She realises that some people find it very difficult to talk to someone who is going through heartbreak, she doesn't criticise but she offers solutions. She offers ways of making sure that we can truly care for someone in crisis without being patronising, or frightened ... but by being human, and kind and true.
I really do urge everyone to buy a copy of this book, read it and keep it. Every single one of us will find something in there that will help us, at some point in our life. If you are one of the 'one in four' who have a mental illness; if you lose a loved one, there is something to help you. It doesn't matter if your heartache is personal to you, or is the result of some far flung politician's decision, or due to a terrible story you saw on the news. The author talks about how feeling powerless doesn't mean that we can't do little things to make things feel better, and for me, this was the part of the book that had most effect. As I watch Question Time, or hear Trump's latest speech and feel my heart aching for our future, I will write down five good things about life, or eat cheese on toast, or kiss my husband, and hope that those small, good things will lessen the pain.
A Manual for Heartache is required reading, it is uplifting and wise and truly wonderful.
January 29, 2022
If you're going through dark times in life, this book will feel like a warm ray of sunshine on a grey cloudy day. The author talks about love, loss, strength and life. One of the very few books that touched my soul.
I was a little skeptical about presenting this book to someone who I know was grieving and needed an outlet. But did not want to seem inappropriate by gifting something that talks about heartache, when they're already going through a lot.
But I pulled up the courage and did gift it and it helped.
This book will lift some of the weight off from your chest and will leave you feeling gratified.
I was a little skeptical about presenting this book to someone who I know was grieving and needed an outlet. But did not want to seem inappropriate by gifting something that talks about heartache, when they're already going through a lot.
But I pulled up the courage and did gift it and it helped.
This book will lift some of the weight off from your chest and will leave you feeling gratified.
December 12, 2020
It made me think of two quotes that had the biggest impact on me growing up - The best moments in reading are when you come across something � a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things � which you had thought special and particular to you. Now here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out and taken yours. From Alan Bennett and History Boys and - I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. From Perks of Being a Wallflower. Rentzenbrink speaks of grief and pain in such an accessible way, it becomes soothing because through her understanding she makes you feel more connected to the human experience and that you’re not alone. So many parts felt like I was reading my own thoughts but untangled, and it was akin to having a really, long, great chat with a friend from another lifetime. Grief, loss and death are the greatest human equaliser and connecter, and she has a way of breaking through many outdated yet held onto social constructs that keep us alone in our pain. A really special book.
October 21, 2018
I highly recommend this book. Not only for people have have gone through trauma, list a loved one.. but also for people who navigate through anxiety and depression. It is full of stories and examples that make you feel less alone and also gentle guidance and advice that feels like a warm hug.
August 26, 2020
A Manual for Heartache review: as humane and simple as it gets�
By: Cathy Rentzenbrink
Genre: Self-help/Healing
Published: (pages 157)
The discovery of this book was very timely for me as I’ve been suffering from a seemingly endless heartache for months. To heal is far more difficult than it is to get hurt or hurt someone else. Therefore, one has to go through anguish, pain, bitter acceptance, and find a new normal after any painful event in life, be it some dear one’s death or an end of a promising relationship. Yet this healing process doesn’t happen as passively as how one gets hurt. While painful things happen to you, healing has to happen by you. One should therefore in such desperate and painful times seek as much help as one can get, and find that thing that really helps, since one type of healing doesn’t work for everyone. It could be sharing it with a friend, emptying one’s heart through crying, turning to a book, or in a damaging manner, straight out avoiding the pain and run risk of falling out of touch with one’s feelings in the long run. Finding the right thing that offers solace and closure is both difficult and important at the same time. Whether it is getting used to the new normal or making oneself accept it, it has to happen; being stuck in one’s past ceases life and in extreme cases, even ends it. While a past, thereby, a healed pain wouldn’t hurt as much, in the wake of a fresh and intense pain, one always seeks meaning, closure, and something hopeful to hold onto as one fights the inner demons day in and day out, for weeks and for months. The intensity and inescapability of this new pain blinds us to any possible future when it might not be as intense or immediately threatening. Rentzenbrink’s ‘A Manual of Heartache� is a reflective work on how to deal with the bitter bits of life, while as the time, retaining with its intensity the anguish of pain when it was most alive. It’s her second book, and in some ways, a follow-up to the first one ‘The Last Act of Love�, in which she tells the true story of the death and aftermath of her younger brother’s death. Early on in the book, she mentions how people who had read her book reached back to her with queries about whether it is a good idea to recommend her first book to someone in pain; whether would it be of any help or would depress the hurt person even more. So, Rentzenbrink came with a new book � one especially recommendable for the many of us who are hurting, and for all of us who have been hurt. While Rentzenbrink’s experiences and advices come from her own brother’s untimely death and her journey of dealing with it, she is aware enough to mention one of the taboos that is ‘pain-hierarchy�, and kindly dedicates her book to everyone, hurt by anything. Breakup, divorce, loved one’s death, rejection, you name it, this book’s simple wisdom seeks to help everyone, with keeping in mind and legitimizing their isolating pain and its intensity. As Rentzenbrink says, ‘while our pain’s content is unique to us, the processing of this pain is similar for us all�. Not as a therapist, philosopher, or counselor, Rentzenbrink wrote this from her humanness and part of being human is getting hurt and navigating through it. This universality of the book is its championing factor; it connects with everyone. Her simple yet very relevant wisdom for those who are hurting and also for those who are trying to help a hurt one is effortless to read, understand, and act upon. Act upon � this book is practical, and shows you way through which you can turn healing into an active process. Rather than a self-help book, this reads like a healing-diary, someone’s attempt to understand and make peace with her pain and then be brave and kind enough to share it with the world. In this book, you’d find book recommendations, letters, etiquette guides, Harry Potter and why you should read it, short stories, and all in all, sheerly simple and everyday wisdom in dealing with what we’ve all suffered from, still do, and will do again: heartache.
Ratings: 4.5/5 (August 26, 2020)
By: Cathy Rentzenbrink
Genre: Self-help/Healing
Published: (pages 157)
The discovery of this book was very timely for me as I’ve been suffering from a seemingly endless heartache for months. To heal is far more difficult than it is to get hurt or hurt someone else. Therefore, one has to go through anguish, pain, bitter acceptance, and find a new normal after any painful event in life, be it some dear one’s death or an end of a promising relationship. Yet this healing process doesn’t happen as passively as how one gets hurt. While painful things happen to you, healing has to happen by you. One should therefore in such desperate and painful times seek as much help as one can get, and find that thing that really helps, since one type of healing doesn’t work for everyone. It could be sharing it with a friend, emptying one’s heart through crying, turning to a book, or in a damaging manner, straight out avoiding the pain and run risk of falling out of touch with one’s feelings in the long run. Finding the right thing that offers solace and closure is both difficult and important at the same time. Whether it is getting used to the new normal or making oneself accept it, it has to happen; being stuck in one’s past ceases life and in extreme cases, even ends it. While a past, thereby, a healed pain wouldn’t hurt as much, in the wake of a fresh and intense pain, one always seeks meaning, closure, and something hopeful to hold onto as one fights the inner demons day in and day out, for weeks and for months. The intensity and inescapability of this new pain blinds us to any possible future when it might not be as intense or immediately threatening. Rentzenbrink’s ‘A Manual of Heartache� is a reflective work on how to deal with the bitter bits of life, while as the time, retaining with its intensity the anguish of pain when it was most alive. It’s her second book, and in some ways, a follow-up to the first one ‘The Last Act of Love�, in which she tells the true story of the death and aftermath of her younger brother’s death. Early on in the book, she mentions how people who had read her book reached back to her with queries about whether it is a good idea to recommend her first book to someone in pain; whether would it be of any help or would depress the hurt person even more. So, Rentzenbrink came with a new book � one especially recommendable for the many of us who are hurting, and for all of us who have been hurt. While Rentzenbrink’s experiences and advices come from her own brother’s untimely death and her journey of dealing with it, she is aware enough to mention one of the taboos that is ‘pain-hierarchy�, and kindly dedicates her book to everyone, hurt by anything. Breakup, divorce, loved one’s death, rejection, you name it, this book’s simple wisdom seeks to help everyone, with keeping in mind and legitimizing their isolating pain and its intensity. As Rentzenbrink says, ‘while our pain’s content is unique to us, the processing of this pain is similar for us all�. Not as a therapist, philosopher, or counselor, Rentzenbrink wrote this from her humanness and part of being human is getting hurt and navigating through it. This universality of the book is its championing factor; it connects with everyone. Her simple yet very relevant wisdom for those who are hurting and also for those who are trying to help a hurt one is effortless to read, understand, and act upon. Act upon � this book is practical, and shows you way through which you can turn healing into an active process. Rather than a self-help book, this reads like a healing-diary, someone’s attempt to understand and make peace with her pain and then be brave and kind enough to share it with the world. In this book, you’d find book recommendations, letters, etiquette guides, Harry Potter and why you should read it, short stories, and all in all, sheerly simple and everyday wisdom in dealing with what we’ve all suffered from, still do, and will do again: heartache.
Ratings: 4.5/5 (August 26, 2020)
February 1, 2019
I went to see a friend, we hadn't seen each other in about 3 years. We had a lot of catching up to do and at one point in the conversation she said 'I have something I think you should read!', and then ran away and returned with this book. There are FEWER more exciting everyday events than a friend handing you a book and insisting you read it, are there not!
So, I got a tea, ran a bath (shoutout to CINNAMON DREAMS bath gel from Waitrose! it is actually the BEST SMELLING THING EVER. would recommend, £3 well spent) and by the end of the bath had finished the book.
I REALLY WANTED TO LIKE IT, but just couldn't connect with it. The author is talking about general 'grenade events' that occur in peoples lives. For her, that was her brother being hit by a car aged 17 (and dying after being in a vegetative state for some years.) This book is meant to generalisable (not sure that's a word?) to other stuff across the spectrum of intense.
It was just any self help buzzwords you can think of all rolled into one. I don't know what it is about these kind of books that can feel a bit empty. I'd contrast it to 'When Breath Becomes Air' which was extremely poignant. I think what it might be is that this is too preachy. And WBBA was so beautiful at taking you through the struggle of an individual in such a way that you learn things about yourself as you read and confront things, almost implicitly.
The parts (in this book, not WBBA) that I found most moving were when the author describes scattering her brothers ashes into a wild sea on a beautiful New Years Eve, years and years after his death. Finally being ready to do so. THIS was the meaningful part because you could almost feel as she describes the experience, the sense of release, freedom and hope that it gave her. You feel like you're there by the sea. THAT imparts much more knowledge than all this 'live, laugh, love' BS, in my opinion.
Also liked the concept of 'feeling small in a good way', which seemed to mean feeling 'awe' especially in nature.
I didn't mind reading, it was a very quick read after all. Maybe 2.5?
So, I got a tea, ran a bath (shoutout to CINNAMON DREAMS bath gel from Waitrose! it is actually the BEST SMELLING THING EVER. would recommend, £3 well spent) and by the end of the bath had finished the book.
I REALLY WANTED TO LIKE IT, but just couldn't connect with it. The author is talking about general 'grenade events' that occur in peoples lives. For her, that was her brother being hit by a car aged 17 (and dying after being in a vegetative state for some years.) This book is meant to generalisable (not sure that's a word?) to other stuff across the spectrum of intense.
It was just any self help buzzwords you can think of all rolled into one. I don't know what it is about these kind of books that can feel a bit empty. I'd contrast it to 'When Breath Becomes Air' which was extremely poignant. I think what it might be is that this is too preachy. And WBBA was so beautiful at taking you through the struggle of an individual in such a way that you learn things about yourself as you read and confront things, almost implicitly.
The parts (in this book, not WBBA) that I found most moving were when the author describes scattering her brothers ashes into a wild sea on a beautiful New Years Eve, years and years after his death. Finally being ready to do so. THIS was the meaningful part because you could almost feel as she describes the experience, the sense of release, freedom and hope that it gave her. You feel like you're there by the sea. THAT imparts much more knowledge than all this 'live, laugh, love' BS, in my opinion.
Also liked the concept of 'feeling small in a good way', which seemed to mean feeling 'awe' especially in nature.
I didn't mind reading, it was a very quick read after all. Maybe 2.5?
September 28, 2021
This was a beautiful, comforting, and gentle read, and I felt blessed to have found it. In her intro, Cathy writes that: 'This is the book I wish I'd had when the worst happened, full of advice I wish I'd been given. It's also the book I'd like to have beside me for whatever the future may hold.' In that sense, she was right: This book feels like a loving companion, someone to gently hold your hand through the difficult times in life. Cathy's words are kind, empathetic, relatable, wise, and gentle. She never minimizes anyone's loss or grief, having experienced the terrible loss of her brother, but the book doesn't ever feel heavy or unreadable. Rather, it carries a tune of reassurance that we can get through this, whatever it is, together. She walks us through what helped her, in her worst moments, in hopes that it will help us in our own healing process.
"We all want self-protection, emotional body armour, yet the only way to protect against loss is to avoid love at all costs. And that is no way to live. So, how do we live and love even as we know that everything might change in an instant? This is what I think I know now. We don't need to fix our broken hearts so much as realize that they never stop growing. We have an infinite capacity for love. Once we accept that heartache is part of being human, we can acknowledge our pain, feel our feelings and stop running away. Then we can look for ways to be of service, enjoy the currants in the cake and think, What a thing it is to be alive in this beautiful world."
"We all want self-protection, emotional body armour, yet the only way to protect against loss is to avoid love at all costs. And that is no way to live. So, how do we live and love even as we know that everything might change in an instant? This is what I think I know now. We don't need to fix our broken hearts so much as realize that they never stop growing. We have an infinite capacity for love. Once we accept that heartache is part of being human, we can acknowledge our pain, feel our feelings and stop running away. Then we can look for ways to be of service, enjoy the currants in the cake and think, What a thing it is to be alive in this beautiful world."
March 20, 2021
It has made me roll big fat 💧💧💧
Go on.
Go and buy this book and also pick up a spare copy or two because life is such that we can be sure that someone will also need this book.
Please note as this book says there is no hierarchy on pain so I have chosen a couple of quotes that may make you think this book is useful for those ‘big� events but let me say I am not suffering any heartache right now and I loved this book and found great solace within it.
‘The grenade moment. Life has been trundling along and then, bang, with no warning, it explodes. Something makes your soul cry out, whacks you in the stomach with an iron bar, makes you feel that some outside agency has reached a fist into you, unfurling angry fingers and tearing your heart from your body. Life has changed forever; perhaps it has now become unliveable.�
‘What I now wish someone had told me is this: life will never be the same again. The old one is gone and you can’t have it back. What you might at some point be able to encourage yourself to do, and time will be an ally in this, is work out how to adjust to your new world. You can patch up your raggedy heart and start thinking and feeling your way towards how you want to live.�
Go on.
Go and buy this book and also pick up a spare copy or two because life is such that we can be sure that someone will also need this book.
Please note as this book says there is no hierarchy on pain so I have chosen a couple of quotes that may make you think this book is useful for those ‘big� events but let me say I am not suffering any heartache right now and I loved this book and found great solace within it.
‘The grenade moment. Life has been trundling along and then, bang, with no warning, it explodes. Something makes your soul cry out, whacks you in the stomach with an iron bar, makes you feel that some outside agency has reached a fist into you, unfurling angry fingers and tearing your heart from your body. Life has changed forever; perhaps it has now become unliveable.�
‘What I now wish someone had told me is this: life will never be the same again. The old one is gone and you can’t have it back. What you might at some point be able to encourage yourself to do, and time will be an ally in this, is work out how to adjust to your new world. You can patch up your raggedy heart and start thinking and feeling your way towards how you want to live.�
September 14, 2017
I think this is one of the most poignant books I have ever read and it's one that I think everyone should read whether or not they have experienced the kind of profound, life-changing loss experienced by the author.
Written as a way for the author to understand her own world and how best to cope with life after the loss of her brother, she details the things she wishes someone had told her in the aftermath of her loss as well as the coping mechanisms and discoveries of living with depression and anxiety that she has found have worked for her. The wisdom of her words can so easily be related to modern day life even for those of us fortunate enough not to have suffered such overwhelming grief or to be living with depression or anxiety.
The little snippets of advice she has written to her son are so wise and beautiful and yet so simple that we should all be following them every day of our lives on this uncertain world. I think it is a book that should resonate with each of us simply by virtue of the fact that we are all human with all the vulnerabilities and flaws that entails.
Written as a way for the author to understand her own world and how best to cope with life after the loss of her brother, she details the things she wishes someone had told her in the aftermath of her loss as well as the coping mechanisms and discoveries of living with depression and anxiety that she has found have worked for her. The wisdom of her words can so easily be related to modern day life even for those of us fortunate enough not to have suffered such overwhelming grief or to be living with depression or anxiety.
The little snippets of advice she has written to her son are so wise and beautiful and yet so simple that we should all be following them every day of our lives on this uncertain world. I think it is a book that should resonate with each of us simply by virtue of the fact that we are all human with all the vulnerabilities and flaws that entails.
May 27, 2020
3.5 stars (I'm not the target audience though so don't listen to my rating)
I read Cathy Rentzenbrink's last book, The Last Act of Love, about her brother's life (and how it affected their family) before and after he was knocked down by a car. I found it a deeply moving book and a reminder to not take my boring family life for granted - that's how it should be. She has followed it up with A Manual for Heartache, a collection of all the wisdom and help she's accumulated over the years, healing after what happened to her brother, as well as depression and anxiety. Though I'm not the target audience for this (and she explicitly says she has written it for people coping with real heartache who need help getting through it), I still really enjoyed the warmth and kindness of her tone - especially conveyed in the audiobook which she reads! - as well as the few little updates she gives about what happened after she wrote The Last Act of Love.
To be honest I will read anything Cathy Rentzenbrink writes as I have such admiration for her, whether or not I'm who she's writing for, and I'm looking forward to seeing what she brings out next.
I read Cathy Rentzenbrink's last book, The Last Act of Love, about her brother's life (and how it affected their family) before and after he was knocked down by a car. I found it a deeply moving book and a reminder to not take my boring family life for granted - that's how it should be. She has followed it up with A Manual for Heartache, a collection of all the wisdom and help she's accumulated over the years, healing after what happened to her brother, as well as depression and anxiety. Though I'm not the target audience for this (and she explicitly says she has written it for people coping with real heartache who need help getting through it), I still really enjoyed the warmth and kindness of her tone - especially conveyed in the audiobook which she reads! - as well as the few little updates she gives about what happened after she wrote The Last Act of Love.
To be honest I will read anything Cathy Rentzenbrink writes as I have such admiration for her, whether or not I'm who she's writing for, and I'm looking forward to seeing what she brings out next.
August 16, 2018
I read Cathy Rentzenbrink’s first book and found it amazing, so when I had an opportunity to meet her at a signing a few months ago I picked this book up in order to get a dedication and didn’t think much about the subject. Now having got round to reading it, boy does it do what it says on the tin. Don’t think this is just about grief, Rentzenbrink discusses how she copes with her anxiety and depression with an inspiring honesty and clarity. This book has helped me enormously in coming to terms with my own depression and the realisation that it is a long term, sporadic condition, not one that I need to put pressure on myself to become cured of. Some great tips for living in the moment, and I will definitely be writing a letter soon to my future self to be read the next time I find myself in a state of anxiety. Having met the author previously and having a generous and warm hearted conversation about The Last Act of Love, I really hope I get another opportunity in the future to tell her how much more this book has meant to me and has helped me.
March 12, 2018
3.5 when compared with my other 4 star reads this year, then again this is my first non-fiction so it's hard to compare. I bought this on a whim when feeling awful and it was a gentle soothing read, something to focus on without having to concentrate too much. Normally I look for new ideas and powerful passages in books but this was more of a comforting reiteration. I really like Cathy Rentzenbrink's voice and think this would be a lovely gift for yourself, whatever kind of grief you're feeling. ps if you don't like currants in your cakes then substitute the word currants for chocolate chips each time it occurs. pps you get a recommended book list at the end, like a party bag. I'd read most of the recs but they made me smile and feel connected to Cathy through our mutual reading taste.
November 17, 2020
This book is a first-person account of a woman trying to overcome the pain of losing a brother. I think she wrote it for her son, maybe she knows that she won't be able to protect him from the heartaches. Because we sign up for them heartaches when we sign up for life. This book is also a guide on how to deal with grieving friends. I liked the list of things you are not supposed to say to a friend who is sad. Haha. Overall, a very comforting book, like a friend.
It is, we know, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
January 19, 2019
A warm bath, tea-and-toast of a book with some practical life hacks and a commendably fast, easy read. I found the letter to her son a little trite (although curiously not the letter to her future self) but see where she’s going with it. A few memory worthy quotes/thoughts :
‘Grief is a long party�
‘Cry....think of it like bleeding a radiator�
�....”Time heals, but it’s a slow fucker� �
�...to feel small in a good way�
‘Grief is a long party�
‘Cry....think of it like bleeding a radiator�
�....”Time heals, but it’s a slow fucker� �
�...to feel small in a good way�
June 3, 2020
It must have taken everything out of you, Cathy Rentzenbrink, to share your way of dealing with grief. I am usually not short of words but I don't think anything I write will have in it the power to do justice with your efforts, strength to come up bare with your personal experiences. But if there is any string of words which could describe the importance of this text in my life it would be that every time I feel low, my mind takes me to this book; I always keep this one on my study/work table.
August 23, 2018
Read this after Cathy’s first book, truly one of the most dignified writers I’ve read, would buy for anyone I thought could find help in it, which is basically everyone who has ever suffered. A wonderful honest & brave lady. I adore her honesty.
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