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Spiritual Roots of Human Relations
Spiritual Roots of Human Relations addresses the roots of relationship problems and suggests spiritual solutions such as vision, commitment, understanding and example, communication, and self-discipline.
336 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1970
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2014 people want to read
About the author
Stephen R. Covey
625Ìýbooks6,200ÌýfollowersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Å·±¦ÓéÀÖ database.
Stephen Richards Covey was an American educator, author, businessman, and speaker. His most popular book is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His other books include First Things First, Principle-Centered Leadership, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, The 8th Habit, and The Leader In Me: How Schools and Parents Around the World Are Inspiring Greatness, One Child at a Time. In 1996, Time magazine named him one of the 25 most influential people. He was a professor at the Jon M. Huntsman School of Business at Utah State University (USU) at the time of his death.
Stephen Richards Covey was an American educator, author, businessman, and speaker. His most popular book is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His other books include First Things First, Principle-Centered Leadership, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, The 8th Habit, and The Leader In Me: How Schools and Parents Around the World Are Inspiring Greatness, One Child at a Time. In 1996, Time magazine named him one of the 25 most influential people. He was a professor at the Jon M. Huntsman School of Business at Utah State University (USU) at the time of his death.
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January 9, 2009
This was the ORIGINAL Stephen Covey book. All his others were bascially rewrites of this one, indcluding his Habits book.
That said, it's a Mormon classic, and still worth reading today. In short, Covey complains in the book that we spend time whacking at the leaves of our societal and personal problems, but ignore the root causes and cures.
He goes about giving the reader examples and tools to address the root causes of our human weaknesses, so that REAL progress can be made.
My father gave me this book when I was 19, and it really changed my life for the better.
That said, it's a Mormon classic, and still worth reading today. In short, Covey complains in the book that we spend time whacking at the leaves of our societal and personal problems, but ignore the root causes and cures.
He goes about giving the reader examples and tools to address the root causes of our human weaknesses, so that REAL progress can be made.
My father gave me this book when I was 19, and it really changed my life for the better.
November 5, 2013
Like the book , Covey stresses the importance of making commitments and keeping all commitments. It's not personality that counts here, it is character, and this book is about building character. These few notes capture a few things from the book that I want to remember.
Three temptations
Most sins fall into three categories: to the body, Pride & vanity, and worldly aspirations.
"In Ireland we observed the conversion process of hundreds of people, amid struggles, doubts, fears, escapes, and fights. Over and over again we came to the conclusion that an individual would know the truth to the degree he was true to the truth." (Page 55)
"The unfulfilled person often prefers to sit back and watch others live. He spends endless hours in undiscriminating television viewing. .... Or he may resort to other compensating activities or escape mechanisms, such as alcohol, illicit sex, cheap movies and literature, ... When he is asleep, he is half awake, and when awake, he is half asleep. He is never fully involved with life. ... However, when alone, he is also bored. ... Familiarity with (rather than feeling toward) Church services provides him with relatively shallow satisfactions. ... Religious observances, for him, become a substitute for service rather than an inspiration to serve. ... This hypothetical example may or may not be extreme,..." (Page 76-77)
"We often think that the family problem is one of time - that there are only so many hours in the day and so many important things to be done, and we simply don't have the time to do them all. We rationalize ... Though I acknowledge and sympathize with this reasoning, I do not believe that time is the main problem. I believe it is the excuse. I think the main problem is twofold: first, a lack of real commitment to the vision behind this emphasis on the family, and second, the lack of internal discipline to act accordingly. The Lord has told us that he will make our backs equal to their burdens. If we will obey true principles, take the time to prayerfully search the scriptures to maintain the larger eternal vision, and carefully plan and organize our days, and then work our plan, most of us will literal be amazed, even astounded, at what we will be able to do and accomplish. (See D&C 90:24.) (Page 206-207)
"In a priesthood session, October 2, 1954, President McKay counseled: 'Say nothing that will hurt your wife, that will cause her tears even though she might cause you provocation. Realize that those children are your eternal possessions, treasures of eternity." (Page 211)
"Husbands and wives must learn to talk through their differences and difficulties rather than either taking them out on each other or withdrawing into a silent sullen world of quiet anger and self-pity." (Page 212)
"We can all become so busy following such hectic schedules, tyrannized by the telephone, meeting the small crises, that we may go for days without any deep meaningful communication with our husbands or wives. There is some communication all right, but it is often rather superficial and focused upon just the practical necessities of day-to-day life. Every person needs someone else to whom he can speak freely without fear of censor, embarrassment, or ridicule of any kind People need to feel understood, and that comes from being genuinely listened to. (Page 212)
The time may come in some places when the gospel can only be safely taught in the home. (P 224-225)
"I have found in my own family, for instance, that if I have a tendency to be more lenient, indulgent and permissive, and my wife, in order to compensate, leans over backwards in the other direction. The children sense this and sometimes try to test 'which way the wind blows' and then wrangle to get their own way." (Page 230-231)
"Take installment financing, for example. This is a system of external discipline simply because people do not have sufficient internal discipline to save before they spend. (Page 233) "It also costs them in character growth. They are not learning thriftiness, frugality, and industry, careful budgeting and planning." (Page 234) "Multi- billion dollar industries have been built around people’s lack of internal discipline in the areas of exercise and dieting." (Page 234)
"To summarize, if parents, leaders and teachers obey the laws of love, they encourage obedience to the laws of life. " (Page 246)
His suggestions to missionaries also apply to all of us: (Page 306-308)
- 80% of the success comes from 20% of the activities. "These five keys will take less than 20% of your time, but they will make all of your time effective."
1) Communicate
2) Plan Ahead
3) Simplify
4) Be Strong
5) Multiply yourself by using Members (This also applies to the rest of us in that efforts to make a group effective will yield greater results than working as an individual contributor.)
Likewise, his advice to return missionaries (the penultimate chapter) is applicable to all of us. (p 319- 326)
1)The habit of daily, private, and sincere prayer from your heart. ...4. Learn to listen in your prayer... 6. Don't rush out of his presence when you conclude your prayer.
2) Study the scriptures every day. ... every morning and before retiring
3) Honor the Sabbath day as a day of worship and service.
4) Keep yourself morally clean in thought and action.
5) Magnify a Church calling and your priesthood.
The last chapter was about spiritual aerobics.
"Evidence shows that those who build up and regularly jog or swim or whatever will not only feel and look fitter but will also sleep better and can work longer and more efficiently than they otherwise would." (p 342)
He also recommends spiritual aerobics for two reasons: "first, to gain perspective and second, to make some decisions in light of that perspective."
The concluding paragraphs of the book:
"As with physical exercise, those of us who say we haven't the time for "spiritual aerobics" are excuse making and will find ourselves, whenever the situation calls for strength beyond our reserve, incapacitated by self-doubt, envy, jealousy, pride, fear, anger, bad tempers, all indicating a lack of spiritual oxygen."
"We must never become too busy sawing to take time to sharpen the saw." (last page)
These few notes are not so much a review of the book, as a reminder, to me, of the things that I have learned from reading this book. After I have read a book, I need a refresher from time to time because I gradually forget. If I applied the good that I have learned, I would be awesome. Instead, I flounder around, and need reminded to get back on the path. Thus, the habits that Covey promotes in this and later books are habits that I want to develop in my own life.
Three temptations
Most sins fall into three categories: to the body, Pride & vanity, and worldly aspirations.
"In Ireland we observed the conversion process of hundreds of people, amid struggles, doubts, fears, escapes, and fights. Over and over again we came to the conclusion that an individual would know the truth to the degree he was true to the truth." (Page 55)
"The unfulfilled person often prefers to sit back and watch others live. He spends endless hours in undiscriminating television viewing. .... Or he may resort to other compensating activities or escape mechanisms, such as alcohol, illicit sex, cheap movies and literature, ... When he is asleep, he is half awake, and when awake, he is half asleep. He is never fully involved with life. ... However, when alone, he is also bored. ... Familiarity with (rather than feeling toward) Church services provides him with relatively shallow satisfactions. ... Religious observances, for him, become a substitute for service rather than an inspiration to serve. ... This hypothetical example may or may not be extreme,..." (Page 76-77)
"We often think that the family problem is one of time - that there are only so many hours in the day and so many important things to be done, and we simply don't have the time to do them all. We rationalize ... Though I acknowledge and sympathize with this reasoning, I do not believe that time is the main problem. I believe it is the excuse. I think the main problem is twofold: first, a lack of real commitment to the vision behind this emphasis on the family, and second, the lack of internal discipline to act accordingly. The Lord has told us that he will make our backs equal to their burdens. If we will obey true principles, take the time to prayerfully search the scriptures to maintain the larger eternal vision, and carefully plan and organize our days, and then work our plan, most of us will literal be amazed, even astounded, at what we will be able to do and accomplish. (See D&C 90:24.) (Page 206-207)
"In a priesthood session, October 2, 1954, President McKay counseled: 'Say nothing that will hurt your wife, that will cause her tears even though she might cause you provocation. Realize that those children are your eternal possessions, treasures of eternity." (Page 211)
"Husbands and wives must learn to talk through their differences and difficulties rather than either taking them out on each other or withdrawing into a silent sullen world of quiet anger and self-pity." (Page 212)
"We can all become so busy following such hectic schedules, tyrannized by the telephone, meeting the small crises, that we may go for days without any deep meaningful communication with our husbands or wives. There is some communication all right, but it is often rather superficial and focused upon just the practical necessities of day-to-day life. Every person needs someone else to whom he can speak freely without fear of censor, embarrassment, or ridicule of any kind People need to feel understood, and that comes from being genuinely listened to. (Page 212)
The time may come in some places when the gospel can only be safely taught in the home. (P 224-225)
"I have found in my own family, for instance, that if I have a tendency to be more lenient, indulgent and permissive, and my wife, in order to compensate, leans over backwards in the other direction. The children sense this and sometimes try to test 'which way the wind blows' and then wrangle to get their own way." (Page 230-231)
"Take installment financing, for example. This is a system of external discipline simply because people do not have sufficient internal discipline to save before they spend. (Page 233) "It also costs them in character growth. They are not learning thriftiness, frugality, and industry, careful budgeting and planning." (Page 234) "Multi- billion dollar industries have been built around people’s lack of internal discipline in the areas of exercise and dieting." (Page 234)
"To summarize, if parents, leaders and teachers obey the laws of love, they encourage obedience to the laws of life. " (Page 246)
His suggestions to missionaries also apply to all of us: (Page 306-308)
- 80% of the success comes from 20% of the activities. "These five keys will take less than 20% of your time, but they will make all of your time effective."
1) Communicate
2) Plan Ahead
3) Simplify
4) Be Strong
5) Multiply yourself by using Members (This also applies to the rest of us in that efforts to make a group effective will yield greater results than working as an individual contributor.)
Likewise, his advice to return missionaries (the penultimate chapter) is applicable to all of us. (p 319- 326)
1)The habit of daily, private, and sincere prayer from your heart. ...4. Learn to listen in your prayer... 6. Don't rush out of his presence when you conclude your prayer.
2) Study the scriptures every day. ... every morning and before retiring
3) Honor the Sabbath day as a day of worship and service.
4) Keep yourself morally clean in thought and action.
5) Magnify a Church calling and your priesthood.
The last chapter was about spiritual aerobics.
"Evidence shows that those who build up and regularly jog or swim or whatever will not only feel and look fitter but will also sleep better and can work longer and more efficiently than they otherwise would." (p 342)
He also recommends spiritual aerobics for two reasons: "first, to gain perspective and second, to make some decisions in light of that perspective."
The concluding paragraphs of the book:
"As with physical exercise, those of us who say we haven't the time for "spiritual aerobics" are excuse making and will find ourselves, whenever the situation calls for strength beyond our reserve, incapacitated by self-doubt, envy, jealousy, pride, fear, anger, bad tempers, all indicating a lack of spiritual oxygen."
"We must never become too busy sawing to take time to sharpen the saw." (last page)
These few notes are not so much a review of the book, as a reminder, to me, of the things that I have learned from reading this book. After I have read a book, I need a refresher from time to time because I gradually forget. If I applied the good that I have learned, I would be awesome. Instead, I flounder around, and need reminded to get back on the path. Thus, the habits that Covey promotes in this and later books are habits that I want to develop in my own life.
April 12, 2017
I had forgotten just how great this book is. "For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil there is one striking at the root." Truely this book cuts to the heart of the deepest problems we have in our lives and families.
One of my favourite parts: "Very few people have ever really experienced the feeling of being completely understood. When they experience it, it can become one of the richest feelings they have ever had. Truly, to listen to another with understanding requires a sincere desire plus practice, practice, and more practice, but it amounts to about the richest form of human affirmation and acceptance there is."
This was Covey's first attempt at principle outlining, mostly in Mormon language. But if you speak Mormon, or even just Christian, you will appreciate the source to which he only alludes to in his later works.
Not a book to be enjoyed. Infact, it will probably hurt. Because this is a book to be lived.
One of my favourite parts: "Very few people have ever really experienced the feeling of being completely understood. When they experience it, it can become one of the richest feelings they have ever had. Truly, to listen to another with understanding requires a sincere desire plus practice, practice, and more practice, but it amounts to about the richest form of human affirmation and acceptance there is."
This was Covey's first attempt at principle outlining, mostly in Mormon language. But if you speak Mormon, or even just Christian, you will appreciate the source to which he only alludes to in his later works.
Not a book to be enjoyed. Infact, it will probably hurt. Because this is a book to be lived.
April 4, 2008
I am not a Self-help fan and am especially annoyed by some of the Covey-mania, but a good friend recommended this book to me and I really enjoyed it. It is spiritually based and insightful especially when dealing with our relationships. You don't have to read the whole thing to get the idea. In fact, I would recommend that you only read the first 5 or so chapters because they are the best.
Currently reading
July 5, 2012At my dad's recommendation, I started reading this book about six years ago but never finished (my business card from the OC Register is still marking my spot!). It's basically the same foundation as the Seven Habits, only with an LDS gospel perspective.
Covey makes the point that relationships are really the WHY for mortality, whether they be with family and friends or colleagues and acquaintances. Makes me think of the C.S. Lewis quote: "There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."
Anyways, as I work to fine-tune the relationships in every facet of my life, from my parents and siblings to my fellow ward members and worker bees, I figured now would be a good time to actually finish this book. Report to come...
Covey makes the point that relationships are really the WHY for mortality, whether they be with family and friends or colleagues and acquaintances. Makes me think of the C.S. Lewis quote: "There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."
Anyways, as I work to fine-tune the relationships in every facet of my life, from my parents and siblings to my fellow ward members and worker bees, I figured now would be a good time to actually finish this book. Report to come...
June 3, 2015
Written by the same author as 7 Habits of Highly Effective People but written towards an LDS audience. This book is spectacular. It took me forever to get through it because I kept setting it down to let it soak in. I think that Covey has extrodinary insight into the natural man. He covers almost every aspect of personal growth effectively and by using the scriptures as a guide. It was wonderful. Definitely recommended.
August 27, 2012
Best book I know of about relationships.
October 1, 2021
Great book! It definitely got me thinking and inspired me to make some changes. This author resonates with me.
June 8, 2023
Some great relationship advice along with some important eternal spiritual principles:
"The roots of the problems we face in the world, in our national life and in our family and personal lives, are spiritual. The symptomatic manifestations (branches) of these problems are social, economic, and political, but the roots are moral and spiritual. And they lie first within each individual and then within the family (p 1)."
"Vision--An Eternal Perspective (p 3)"
"By obedience to the principles and ordinances of the eternal gospel of Jesus Christ, men and women will gradually become 'partakers of the divine nature' and will feel comfort and confidence in the presence of the Eternal Father... This is the purpose of life (p 5)."
"Eternal life is essentially the quality of character and personal integrity achieved through Christlike service and lifetime obedience to the principles of the gospel, which through the grace and power of the Savior enable us to be so changed--gradually and almost imperceptibly--in our very nature (p 6)."
"What is judgment? It is the divine process of God revealing us to ourselves (p 6)."
"Through continued faithfulness, sin gradually loses its pull and attractiveness (p 7)."
"We must learn to listen. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand. And when we are really open, we run the risk that we may be influenced and changed (p 12)."
"There are times to verbally teach and times not to teach. When your relationships are strained and the air is charged with emotion, an attempt to verbally teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection (p 13)."
"Can I truly love and gossip also (p 18)?"
"Conquering or overcoming temptation often seems to be a prelude to becoming or developing oneself and to understanding others and their temptations, problems, and feelings (p 21)."
"The Savior would not subject himself to the tauntings and directions of Satan. His spirit ruled his flesh, and his spirit was subject to every word that proceeded out of the mouth of God, his Father (p 22)."
"I know very well the effect of overeating on the spirit... when I overindulge, I lose sensitivity to the needs of others (p 23)."
"What a difference if you organize and arrange your affairs at night in order to get to bed at a reasonable time (p 24)."
"If our definition or concept of ourselves comes from what others think of us, we will find ourselves gearing our lives to their wants and their expectations; and the more we live in terms of what others expect of us, the more insecure we will become (p 25)."
"If people go on long enough playing roles or pretending, giving in to their vanity and to their pride, they will gradually deceive themselves (p 26)."
"We need to concern ourselves only with the truth about ourselves from the Lord's point of view (p 27)."
"Consecrated people have given or dedicated all they have or ever will have to the Lord's purposes. They look on their time, talents, and possessions as stewardships... Nothing is their own... They are agents--the Lord is their principal--and they seek only to serve God's purposes (p 27)."
"These three temptations of the Savior are also the same temptations that come to us (p 29)!"
"Unless we acquire control of our appetites, our flesh, our bodies, we will not be able to control our passions and our emotions and place them in subjection to our spirit (p 30)."
"The real key to growth is to learn to make promises and to keep them. In the ordinances of the gospel, the Lord has provided magnificent opportunities for promises or covenants (p 35)."
"Get up.. have a program of daily exercise... practice moderation in diet and fasting (p 37)."
"When you and I learn to conquer the evil one and his temptations, whether open and blatant or insidious and subtle, then I believe that God's sweet spirit will also come to us and minister to us. Our characters will grow in power, and from this increased strength will emerge the power to resist future temptations and to work more righteousness (p 37)."
"All relationships are interwoven with each other (p 38)."
"The same principles that govern communication between people also apply in communication with the Lord... there must be a desire to understand and to be understood... must be two way... A regard (reverence) for the other person's worth and dignity must be felt (p 39)."
"The other test of the quality of relationship is found in the little things of daily life, little courtesies, little acts of kindness, the give and take in little moments (p 40)."
"Our greatest role in relationships is to be a light, not a judge (p 43)."
"Inherent within our souls is a longing to return to our Creator, the Father of us all, and also the propensity to believe in and obey the laws that blessed reward is predicated upon (p 44)."
"A breakdown or split within the individual translates itself into every relationship and becomes clearly evident in times of storm (p 45)."
"Prejudice means prejudgment... Understanding requires openness, sincere listening, and empathy (p 45)."
"Accepting Christ and his atoning sacrifice is the root solution to self-alienation or personal insecurity, to estranged relationships with others, in addition to reconciliation between God and man (p 46)."
"To receive the gift of the Atonement, we must first place our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ instead of on the 'arm of flesh' (p 46)."
"Having mastered our bodies and minds and placed them in subjection to our spirits, we then place our spirits in subjection to and harmony with God's spirit (p 47)."
"Christ literally is the healer, the unifier, the Savior of the soul. He was the only one so appointed. There is no other way (p 47)."
"To properly fulfill the divine purpose of marriage, which is to bring spirits into the world and rear them in the nurture of the Lord, will require the utmost in self-discipline, self-sacrifice, courage, love, humility, and integrity (self-unity) (p 48)."
"To improve your relationships, don't look to others to change and don't look to easy, step-by-step shortcuts or sunshine formulas that do not strike at the roots. Look to yourself. Be honest with yourself first (p 48)."
"Divine knowledge is a function of humility and obedience to the laws of God (p 55)."
"Few things will inspire self-honesty and humility more than a genuine, listening, two-way prayer. It brings us into living contact with the light and Spirit of Christ (p 57)."
"I encourage a daily, earnest, prayerful study of the scriptures--which contain the feeling and thinking of the Lord--with the express purposes of finding him (p 58)."
"Deep desire and persistent work are demanded of us (p 73)."
"Immersion in the gospel teachings, in the scriptures, and in daily prayer provides magnificent opportunity for the Lord to bestow on us a divine sense of who we really are and a testimony of his gospel (p 79)."
"Occasionally immerse yourself... in nature (p 81)."
"Church activity and service are supremely important (p 82)."
"Parents should practice and teach their children to do more than the minimum expected (p 83)."
"The Lord spent the majority of his ministry with a few key people, his apostles. He established a strong, deep, unforgettable relationship with them. He loved them, taught them, served them. To develop a close and open communication with those key people in your life is a rich and profound source of intrinsic security (p 84)."
"A life of pretense is a tortuous task. To live a life congruent and harmonious with Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, is the highest source of intrinsic security (p 84)."
"'Look inside. Any hypocrisy there? pride? impurity (p 91)?"
"'When we partake worthily, it actually does satisfy our souls and improve our living. Also, we become witnesses for Christ' (p 92)."
"Sometimes we train our children not to open up to us with their problems (p 96)."
"When we take the time to understand and stay with that effort until the other feels that we do understand, we have communicated many things: we care, we want to understand, we respect the person's expression, we give dignity and an individual sense of worth (p 96)."
"'To have friends you must be a friend' (p 98)."
"People are very tender, very sensitive inside (p 101)."
"Realize and use the power of little acts of kindness and courtesy--when consistently given (p 102)."
"Develop empathy (p 108)."
"In any endeavor in any organization... people are the most important thing in this world (p 109)."
"The test of obedience becomes one of sacrifice (p 112)."
"Until we are our own masters and lead ourselves, we cannot lead others (p 113)."
"'I learned, when I was tempted to say the unkind, thoughtless thing, to put my tongue way back in my mouth and clamp my teeth down on it; and each time I did that, it was easier the next time not to say the unkind, hurtful thing' (David O. McKay, p 113)."
"Study the prayer relationship to discover a beautiful insight into the process of rebuilding relationships (p 114)."
"When we pray from our hearts, not from our lips, we discover a beautiful and vibrant inner power, and then with a prepared frame of mind, we can go about rebuilding our relationships (p 114)."
"Be patient. Relationships take time to rebuild (p 117)."
"Why should one love the unlovable? Because of the intrinsic worth of each individual soul as a child of God! Because of our faith in their innate, Godlike potential! To treat people in terms of this potential is to help them to fulfill it (p 119)."
"Very few people have ever really experienced the feeling of being completely understood (p 120)."
"The principle of stewardship is the principle of focusing on our own responsibilities, on our own assignments, whatever they might be. We so focus on our duty as to magnify it... to do more than is normally expected (p 123)."
"What happens inside you when a leader confides in you about one of your fellow workers in a critical way, or when you see a leader behind the scenes making arbitrary decisions--manipulating the lives of others--and then in public expressing sincere interest in their views and feelings (p 127)?"
"What happens inside you when this teacher or leader refuses to gossip, label, stereotype, or slander another--when you see someone freed of the need of sarcasm, or cutting humor, of cynicism? Aren't you more willing to trust that person, to open up, to seek help with your problem (p 128)?"
"I suggest two principles that can be highly effective in developing motivation and a sense of responsibility: involvement and trust (p 129)."
"Only when people are sincerely and meaningfully involved, are they willing to commit the best that is within them (p 130)."
"Trust is the highest form of human motivation (p 134)."
"True communication is a two-way process (p 137)."
"Seeking to know the Lord's will is essential to two-way communication and to mutual understanding (p 138)."
"If we have higher levels of faith, we become just that much better--willing, obedient servants, ones with whom he can work and whom he can use to serve his divine purposes (p 138)."
"Communication is not so much a matter of words as it is of relationships (p 139)."
"Trust is born by having had experiences with each other that are trustworthy or honorable (p 139)."
"President David O. McKay has called meditation the language of the soul (p 141)."
"Fasting subdues the spirit and makes an individual humble, open, teachable, and aware of deep spiritual need (p 142)."
"We begin our communication by thanking the Lord from our hearts for his blessings (p 142)."
"A person may want to be delivered from hard work, maybe from suffering, but perhaps the growth or need of his character demands exactly these things (p 143)."
"I sometimes think we attempt to make what is simple and natural into something that is complex, mystical, and mysterious (p 148)."
"Making commitments is central to the entire gospel plan (p 151)."
"With the Lord, nothing is impossible: if the thing we request is right (p 157)."
"People were not doubting the Church--they were doubting themselves (p 161)!"
"'What are the roots, and how can we stir them deeply within us?' (p 163)"
"We were repenting--we were deeply changing--and the communication naturally became a peaceful one (p 166)."
"Jesus Christ is the way. If people try to take any other way but through him and his holy gospel, they become thieves and robbers of their own souls (p 169)."
"Learn in a daily way to stir yourself spiritually (p 170)."
"Human relationships and experiences are the predicate for divine relationships and experiences (p 178)."
"There is no shortcut to this process of character development (p 187)."
"'Our homes radiate what we are, and that radiation comes from what we say and how we act in the home' (David O. McKay, p 190)."
"Every person needs someone else to whom he can speak freely without fear of censor, embarrassment, or ridicule of any kind. People need to feel understood, and that comes from being genuinely listened to (p 192)."
"Many of our children know what they should do, but their minds are not made up to do it (p 194)."
"Alma, the father, continued to love his son and to pray for him in faith, believing that the Lord would somehow get through to his son (p 197)."
"The highest form of influence is God himself (p 198)."
"The prayer of faith consists largely of a kind of testimony of the Lord's goodness and power and wisdom, a total commitment that his will be done, and expressed willingness to obey that will and to be used in any way the Lord desires, and the believing attitude that if it be right, the Lord will grant the requested blessing (p 199)."
"The Lord loves all of his children (p 199)."
"Prayer is a privilege, not just a duty (p 201)."
"Seek the Spirit (p 203)."
"He never does for them what they can and should do for themselves. If he were to do so, he would rob them of growth (p 214)."
"If parents and teachers do not fill the void, who will (p 221)?"
"The highest principle of the gospel is love of God and people, not the love of the principles. If you love people, the principles will become fused with strength and purpose (p 227)."
"The purpose of teaching is learning... Knowledge is more than information--it is conversion. Saturate your heart and your thinking with this lofty eternal aim, and you'll discover it will constantly shape your preparations and teachings (p 231)."
"Unless the learner is involved and dynamically participates in the learning process, very little, if any, learning (changed behavior) will result (p 232)."
"Teachers should never underestimate the power of sincere testimony (p 234)."
"To know God, one must experience his Spirit, which comes from searching, prayer, study, worthiness--not from human reasoning (p 235)."
"The Lord's process in making us equal to our callings--that of faith and works (p 239)."
"The power of the Holy Ghost, the Spirit of the Lord, will purify our motives and empower us to be equal to spiritual demands of our callings (p 239)."
"The purpose of all Church programs is to help in the perfecting of the Saints (p 240)."
"How much do you really care for your people? How much do you feel this deep inside, this sincere caring for each of the individuals... your assignment is with (p 242)?"
"To become a shepherd, follow the true Shepherd (p 243)."
"Good leaders must be humble enough to admit that they can't perform all these leadership functions by themselves and that they need others to help them initiate and support ideas, make decisions, and carry out those decisions (p 244)."
"Leaders must concern themselves with people's feelings and with relationships, because they really care--not just because they're supposed to (p 244)."
"'To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved' (James McDonald, p 247)."
"Learn to know their sheep and their sheep's voices... give opportunity for the sheep to know their shepherds and their shepherd's voices (p 248)."
"Good leaders use their intelligence. They think and reflect. They read the feedback and strive for understanding. They learn to listen. They adapt to differing situations by using different patterns of leadership.. they give clear instruction (p 249)."
"Leaders, stand back. Take a long look at the problems you face... Work on the roots (p 251)."
"Take fresh courage (p 251)."
"Communication is simply mutual understanding (p 253)."
"More important than the techniques of communication is the attitude of communication: the willingness and desire to listen for understanding (p 253)."
"Cultivate a follow-through philosophy (p 254)."
"Planning, communicating, and following through are interwoven with each other (p 255)."
"The natural reaction to situations in which responsibilities exceed abilities is either fight or flight (escape). The gospel's answer: faith plus works (p 255)."
"You will exercise your faith in God if you believe in his children and their limitless potential... You must learn to listen and to empathize... This involves accepting people as they are, appreciating their every effort, recognizing work well done, and affirming their right to be individuals, to feel and think differently (p 256)."
"Assume good faith on the part of others (p 256)."
"Earnestly seek the Lord. Ask him to reveal to you your weaknesses (p 257)."
"With deep spirituality will flow a power from within to love your people, to have faith in them, to involve them, to appreciate and understand them (p 258)."
"The teachers' underlying fundamental attitude of love and regard of a human soul makes their knowledge and skills really effective (p 261)."
"If people will actually experience the things of God and the Spirit of God, then they will trust this experience (p 265)."
"If you listen to others with real respect, empathy, and caring, they will come to believe God will also listen (p 267)."
"The root cause of all human problems is estrangement from the Father (p 269)."
"Patience is the heart of faith. Faith is born of obedience and perfected by works. Faith in the unseen powers comes from contact and experience with these divine powers (p 273)."
"The Sabbath is truly the key day in maintaining a depth of consistent spirituality, and each of the other six days will be richer and more productive because of honoring the Lord's day (p 295)."
"Don't settle for mediocrity. Don't lose your vision of your great potential (p 301)."
"To trust the Lord means to follow true principles and to leave the outcome in his hands (p 303)."
"Take time daily to reflect, to think, to meditate, to plan, to study God's word (p 309)."
"The roots of the problems we face in the world, in our national life and in our family and personal lives, are spiritual. The symptomatic manifestations (branches) of these problems are social, economic, and political, but the roots are moral and spiritual. And they lie first within each individual and then within the family (p 1)."
"Vision--An Eternal Perspective (p 3)"
"By obedience to the principles and ordinances of the eternal gospel of Jesus Christ, men and women will gradually become 'partakers of the divine nature' and will feel comfort and confidence in the presence of the Eternal Father... This is the purpose of life (p 5)."
"Eternal life is essentially the quality of character and personal integrity achieved through Christlike service and lifetime obedience to the principles of the gospel, which through the grace and power of the Savior enable us to be so changed--gradually and almost imperceptibly--in our very nature (p 6)."
"What is judgment? It is the divine process of God revealing us to ourselves (p 6)."
"Through continued faithfulness, sin gradually loses its pull and attractiveness (p 7)."
"We must learn to listen. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand. And when we are really open, we run the risk that we may be influenced and changed (p 12)."
"There are times to verbally teach and times not to teach. When your relationships are strained and the air is charged with emotion, an attempt to verbally teach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection (p 13)."
"Can I truly love and gossip also (p 18)?"
"Conquering or overcoming temptation often seems to be a prelude to becoming or developing oneself and to understanding others and their temptations, problems, and feelings (p 21)."
"The Savior would not subject himself to the tauntings and directions of Satan. His spirit ruled his flesh, and his spirit was subject to every word that proceeded out of the mouth of God, his Father (p 22)."
"I know very well the effect of overeating on the spirit... when I overindulge, I lose sensitivity to the needs of others (p 23)."
"What a difference if you organize and arrange your affairs at night in order to get to bed at a reasonable time (p 24)."
"If our definition or concept of ourselves comes from what others think of us, we will find ourselves gearing our lives to their wants and their expectations; and the more we live in terms of what others expect of us, the more insecure we will become (p 25)."
"If people go on long enough playing roles or pretending, giving in to their vanity and to their pride, they will gradually deceive themselves (p 26)."
"We need to concern ourselves only with the truth about ourselves from the Lord's point of view (p 27)."
"Consecrated people have given or dedicated all they have or ever will have to the Lord's purposes. They look on their time, talents, and possessions as stewardships... Nothing is their own... They are agents--the Lord is their principal--and they seek only to serve God's purposes (p 27)."
"These three temptations of the Savior are also the same temptations that come to us (p 29)!"
"Unless we acquire control of our appetites, our flesh, our bodies, we will not be able to control our passions and our emotions and place them in subjection to our spirit (p 30)."
"The real key to growth is to learn to make promises and to keep them. In the ordinances of the gospel, the Lord has provided magnificent opportunities for promises or covenants (p 35)."
"Get up.. have a program of daily exercise... practice moderation in diet and fasting (p 37)."
"When you and I learn to conquer the evil one and his temptations, whether open and blatant or insidious and subtle, then I believe that God's sweet spirit will also come to us and minister to us. Our characters will grow in power, and from this increased strength will emerge the power to resist future temptations and to work more righteousness (p 37)."
"All relationships are interwoven with each other (p 38)."
"The same principles that govern communication between people also apply in communication with the Lord... there must be a desire to understand and to be understood... must be two way... A regard (reverence) for the other person's worth and dignity must be felt (p 39)."
"The other test of the quality of relationship is found in the little things of daily life, little courtesies, little acts of kindness, the give and take in little moments (p 40)."
"Our greatest role in relationships is to be a light, not a judge (p 43)."
"Inherent within our souls is a longing to return to our Creator, the Father of us all, and also the propensity to believe in and obey the laws that blessed reward is predicated upon (p 44)."
"A breakdown or split within the individual translates itself into every relationship and becomes clearly evident in times of storm (p 45)."
"Prejudice means prejudgment... Understanding requires openness, sincere listening, and empathy (p 45)."
"Accepting Christ and his atoning sacrifice is the root solution to self-alienation or personal insecurity, to estranged relationships with others, in addition to reconciliation between God and man (p 46)."
"To receive the gift of the Atonement, we must first place our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ instead of on the 'arm of flesh' (p 46)."
"Having mastered our bodies and minds and placed them in subjection to our spirits, we then place our spirits in subjection to and harmony with God's spirit (p 47)."
"Christ literally is the healer, the unifier, the Savior of the soul. He was the only one so appointed. There is no other way (p 47)."
"To properly fulfill the divine purpose of marriage, which is to bring spirits into the world and rear them in the nurture of the Lord, will require the utmost in self-discipline, self-sacrifice, courage, love, humility, and integrity (self-unity) (p 48)."
"To improve your relationships, don't look to others to change and don't look to easy, step-by-step shortcuts or sunshine formulas that do not strike at the roots. Look to yourself. Be honest with yourself first (p 48)."
"Divine knowledge is a function of humility and obedience to the laws of God (p 55)."
"Few things will inspire self-honesty and humility more than a genuine, listening, two-way prayer. It brings us into living contact with the light and Spirit of Christ (p 57)."
"I encourage a daily, earnest, prayerful study of the scriptures--which contain the feeling and thinking of the Lord--with the express purposes of finding him (p 58)."
"Deep desire and persistent work are demanded of us (p 73)."
"Immersion in the gospel teachings, in the scriptures, and in daily prayer provides magnificent opportunity for the Lord to bestow on us a divine sense of who we really are and a testimony of his gospel (p 79)."
"Occasionally immerse yourself... in nature (p 81)."
"Church activity and service are supremely important (p 82)."
"Parents should practice and teach their children to do more than the minimum expected (p 83)."
"The Lord spent the majority of his ministry with a few key people, his apostles. He established a strong, deep, unforgettable relationship with them. He loved them, taught them, served them. To develop a close and open communication with those key people in your life is a rich and profound source of intrinsic security (p 84)."
"A life of pretense is a tortuous task. To live a life congruent and harmonious with Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, is the highest source of intrinsic security (p 84)."
"'Look inside. Any hypocrisy there? pride? impurity (p 91)?"
"'When we partake worthily, it actually does satisfy our souls and improve our living. Also, we become witnesses for Christ' (p 92)."
"Sometimes we train our children not to open up to us with their problems (p 96)."
"When we take the time to understand and stay with that effort until the other feels that we do understand, we have communicated many things: we care, we want to understand, we respect the person's expression, we give dignity and an individual sense of worth (p 96)."
"'To have friends you must be a friend' (p 98)."
"People are very tender, very sensitive inside (p 101)."
"Realize and use the power of little acts of kindness and courtesy--when consistently given (p 102)."
"Develop empathy (p 108)."
"In any endeavor in any organization... people are the most important thing in this world (p 109)."
"The test of obedience becomes one of sacrifice (p 112)."
"Until we are our own masters and lead ourselves, we cannot lead others (p 113)."
"'I learned, when I was tempted to say the unkind, thoughtless thing, to put my tongue way back in my mouth and clamp my teeth down on it; and each time I did that, it was easier the next time not to say the unkind, hurtful thing' (David O. McKay, p 113)."
"Study the prayer relationship to discover a beautiful insight into the process of rebuilding relationships (p 114)."
"When we pray from our hearts, not from our lips, we discover a beautiful and vibrant inner power, and then with a prepared frame of mind, we can go about rebuilding our relationships (p 114)."
"Be patient. Relationships take time to rebuild (p 117)."
"Why should one love the unlovable? Because of the intrinsic worth of each individual soul as a child of God! Because of our faith in their innate, Godlike potential! To treat people in terms of this potential is to help them to fulfill it (p 119)."
"Very few people have ever really experienced the feeling of being completely understood (p 120)."
"The principle of stewardship is the principle of focusing on our own responsibilities, on our own assignments, whatever they might be. We so focus on our duty as to magnify it... to do more than is normally expected (p 123)."
"What happens inside you when a leader confides in you about one of your fellow workers in a critical way, or when you see a leader behind the scenes making arbitrary decisions--manipulating the lives of others--and then in public expressing sincere interest in their views and feelings (p 127)?"
"What happens inside you when this teacher or leader refuses to gossip, label, stereotype, or slander another--when you see someone freed of the need of sarcasm, or cutting humor, of cynicism? Aren't you more willing to trust that person, to open up, to seek help with your problem (p 128)?"
"I suggest two principles that can be highly effective in developing motivation and a sense of responsibility: involvement and trust (p 129)."
"Only when people are sincerely and meaningfully involved, are they willing to commit the best that is within them (p 130)."
"Trust is the highest form of human motivation (p 134)."
"True communication is a two-way process (p 137)."
"Seeking to know the Lord's will is essential to two-way communication and to mutual understanding (p 138)."
"If we have higher levels of faith, we become just that much better--willing, obedient servants, ones with whom he can work and whom he can use to serve his divine purposes (p 138)."
"Communication is not so much a matter of words as it is of relationships (p 139)."
"Trust is born by having had experiences with each other that are trustworthy or honorable (p 139)."
"President David O. McKay has called meditation the language of the soul (p 141)."
"Fasting subdues the spirit and makes an individual humble, open, teachable, and aware of deep spiritual need (p 142)."
"We begin our communication by thanking the Lord from our hearts for his blessings (p 142)."
"A person may want to be delivered from hard work, maybe from suffering, but perhaps the growth or need of his character demands exactly these things (p 143)."
"I sometimes think we attempt to make what is simple and natural into something that is complex, mystical, and mysterious (p 148)."
"Making commitments is central to the entire gospel plan (p 151)."
"With the Lord, nothing is impossible: if the thing we request is right (p 157)."
"People were not doubting the Church--they were doubting themselves (p 161)!"
"'What are the roots, and how can we stir them deeply within us?' (p 163)"
"We were repenting--we were deeply changing--and the communication naturally became a peaceful one (p 166)."
"Jesus Christ is the way. If people try to take any other way but through him and his holy gospel, they become thieves and robbers of their own souls (p 169)."
"Learn in a daily way to stir yourself spiritually (p 170)."
"Human relationships and experiences are the predicate for divine relationships and experiences (p 178)."
"There is no shortcut to this process of character development (p 187)."
"'Our homes radiate what we are, and that radiation comes from what we say and how we act in the home' (David O. McKay, p 190)."
"Every person needs someone else to whom he can speak freely without fear of censor, embarrassment, or ridicule of any kind. People need to feel understood, and that comes from being genuinely listened to (p 192)."
"Many of our children know what they should do, but their minds are not made up to do it (p 194)."
"Alma, the father, continued to love his son and to pray for him in faith, believing that the Lord would somehow get through to his son (p 197)."
"The highest form of influence is God himself (p 198)."
"The prayer of faith consists largely of a kind of testimony of the Lord's goodness and power and wisdom, a total commitment that his will be done, and expressed willingness to obey that will and to be used in any way the Lord desires, and the believing attitude that if it be right, the Lord will grant the requested blessing (p 199)."
"The Lord loves all of his children (p 199)."
"Prayer is a privilege, not just a duty (p 201)."
"Seek the Spirit (p 203)."
"He never does for them what they can and should do for themselves. If he were to do so, he would rob them of growth (p 214)."
"If parents and teachers do not fill the void, who will (p 221)?"
"The highest principle of the gospel is love of God and people, not the love of the principles. If you love people, the principles will become fused with strength and purpose (p 227)."
"The purpose of teaching is learning... Knowledge is more than information--it is conversion. Saturate your heart and your thinking with this lofty eternal aim, and you'll discover it will constantly shape your preparations and teachings (p 231)."
"Unless the learner is involved and dynamically participates in the learning process, very little, if any, learning (changed behavior) will result (p 232)."
"Teachers should never underestimate the power of sincere testimony (p 234)."
"To know God, one must experience his Spirit, which comes from searching, prayer, study, worthiness--not from human reasoning (p 235)."
"The Lord's process in making us equal to our callings--that of faith and works (p 239)."
"The power of the Holy Ghost, the Spirit of the Lord, will purify our motives and empower us to be equal to spiritual demands of our callings (p 239)."
"The purpose of all Church programs is to help in the perfecting of the Saints (p 240)."
"How much do you really care for your people? How much do you feel this deep inside, this sincere caring for each of the individuals... your assignment is with (p 242)?"
"To become a shepherd, follow the true Shepherd (p 243)."
"Good leaders must be humble enough to admit that they can't perform all these leadership functions by themselves and that they need others to help them initiate and support ideas, make decisions, and carry out those decisions (p 244)."
"Leaders must concern themselves with people's feelings and with relationships, because they really care--not just because they're supposed to (p 244)."
"'To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved' (James McDonald, p 247)."
"Learn to know their sheep and their sheep's voices... give opportunity for the sheep to know their shepherds and their shepherd's voices (p 248)."
"Good leaders use their intelligence. They think and reflect. They read the feedback and strive for understanding. They learn to listen. They adapt to differing situations by using different patterns of leadership.. they give clear instruction (p 249)."
"Leaders, stand back. Take a long look at the problems you face... Work on the roots (p 251)."
"Take fresh courage (p 251)."
"Communication is simply mutual understanding (p 253)."
"More important than the techniques of communication is the attitude of communication: the willingness and desire to listen for understanding (p 253)."
"Cultivate a follow-through philosophy (p 254)."
"Planning, communicating, and following through are interwoven with each other (p 255)."
"The natural reaction to situations in which responsibilities exceed abilities is either fight or flight (escape). The gospel's answer: faith plus works (p 255)."
"You will exercise your faith in God if you believe in his children and their limitless potential... You must learn to listen and to empathize... This involves accepting people as they are, appreciating their every effort, recognizing work well done, and affirming their right to be individuals, to feel and think differently (p 256)."
"Assume good faith on the part of others (p 256)."
"Earnestly seek the Lord. Ask him to reveal to you your weaknesses (p 257)."
"With deep spirituality will flow a power from within to love your people, to have faith in them, to involve them, to appreciate and understand them (p 258)."
"The teachers' underlying fundamental attitude of love and regard of a human soul makes their knowledge and skills really effective (p 261)."
"If people will actually experience the things of God and the Spirit of God, then they will trust this experience (p 265)."
"If you listen to others with real respect, empathy, and caring, they will come to believe God will also listen (p 267)."
"The root cause of all human problems is estrangement from the Father (p 269)."
"Patience is the heart of faith. Faith is born of obedience and perfected by works. Faith in the unseen powers comes from contact and experience with these divine powers (p 273)."
"The Sabbath is truly the key day in maintaining a depth of consistent spirituality, and each of the other six days will be richer and more productive because of honoring the Lord's day (p 295)."
"Don't settle for mediocrity. Don't lose your vision of your great potential (p 301)."
"To trust the Lord means to follow true principles and to leave the outcome in his hands (p 303)."
"Take time daily to reflect, to think, to meditate, to plan, to study God's word (p 309)."
February 5, 2017
This was Covey's first book. It's now over 45 years old. While many of the ideas in it are timeless, it definitely shows its age at certain points. Covey's later books cover most of the same ideas and are better. I would recommend sticking with those.
August 27, 2014
I agree, with Covey that all of us are "on different days spiritually", meaning some of us are closer to the Lord and spiritually more mature then others. This closeness to the Lord may be from worthiness, wisdom and experience, or by knowledge of spiritual things.
Covey states that Satan is the God of comparison and we need not have to compete with our fellowmen to get closer to God, it is a daily, personal battle to overcome sin and the world. Covey writes that all problems are rooted spiritually. He says that a relationship with the Lord and communication, both with people and with God is the single most important thing in earth life. This is a Good book for students of the Gospel and also those wishing to improve family, friends and co worker relationships.
Scott Saunders
[email protected]
Covey states that Satan is the God of comparison and we need not have to compete with our fellowmen to get closer to God, it is a daily, personal battle to overcome sin and the world. Covey writes that all problems are rooted spiritually. He says that a relationship with the Lord and communication, both with people and with God is the single most important thing in earth life. This is a Good book for students of the Gospel and also those wishing to improve family, friends and co worker relationships.
Scott Saunders
[email protected]
October 3, 2016
this book seems to be a combination of three smaller books, in which he fleshed out principles he published in the 7 habits with the deeper application and support of LDS scripture and doctrine. he then applies it to parenting, service in the church, and missionary work. as always, Covey points out that the true path to success lies in becoming, and that there are no shortcuts. he is as a wise, loving, and firm father, who advocates taking the hard and lonely road of personal responsibility and hard work necessary to build character to truly become strong. his words are full of wisdom and insight, and have made me a better man. Thank you, Brother Covey.
May 28, 2018
I first heard of "The Spiritual Roots of Human Relations" by Stephen Covey from an Institute teacher at the University of Utah. The lesson itself has faded from my memory, but the title of the book stuck with me. When I later was inspired as a returned missionary after reading "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" and "The Divine Center", someone mentioned to me that Spiritual Roots was the original, the source of everything he had written later. This past year, my brother, my dad, and I, were trying to find a book that we could read together and discuss during our weekly Skype sessions. I suggested this book, because I knew it would be good, and because I thought it could give us some shared spiritual experiences.
I was correct. Covey's book is less ordered than say, Seven Habits. It has principles too, but it's organized more like a series of sermons. 28 in all. I believe a lot of them were probably principles he taught his missionaries as a mission president. Many of the experiences he uses as examples are missionary experiences as a mission president. Something else that dates the book a little bit are all his quotes from David O. McKay. They are powerful, and they hark back to a period that emphasizes "old-fashioned" values like integrity and self-discipline-- that I personally believe our world could use a dose of right now. For the sake of our mental and emotional health, or the fact that everybody is different and we can't impose the same system on everyone, we sacrifice self-discipline. I believe a central tenet to life is paradox, and that we will all need to find a balance between, on one side, self denial and discipline, and on the other, creativity and freedom. The world happens to be emphasizing one side strongly at the moment at the expense of the other.
Covey expects a lot of his audience. He calls it the law of the harvest: you reap what you sow. He doesn't allow for excuses, or "I will try." And this is what gives it its power. I tire of object lessons in church that are mostly there to entertain, or stories that seem like more fluff than anything else. I also don't like talks organized into lists that seem fairly arbitrary, and don't leave with a sense of cohesiveness and unity. Covey weaves all things into one, helping you realize that the gospel is a unified way of life.
As a system of belief and action, Covey's words bear witness to the truth of the gospel, and that he has worked to attain that truth for himself. You know that he practices what he preaches. However, I don't believe that every reader need to take everything he teaches into their own lives. To me, that would be, as Elder Uchtdorf taught, one man's good ideas and making them into a hedge about the law, a new law of Moses. There are a few things, for instance, that I cringed at doing when I read.
The first is his, I think, over-emphasis and praise of planning:
Planning is thinking. Planning is serving “with your mind.� Half an hour in daily, careful planning will double or triple the effectiveness of your ten hours of work. Planning requires mental discipline, patience, and a lot of practice. Do not become discouraged in your initial struggling effort to develop the planning skill. Stay with it in faith.
He is a full believer in the power of checklists:
Develop your own personal study guide and follow it, using a checklist. Let self-discipline in every phase of your life bring you to Christ-like motives and works of wisdom, humility, love, and service in each of these phases of life.
While I believe that systems are important to commit to, they are only useful so long as you are committed to it. If your system is no longer working, you shouldn't be afraid to modify it or build on it. As a returned missionary, I began trying to add more and more bells and whistles to my personal study that it became a burden rather than a help; I had a list of 25 items that I needed to include in every study session, with specific ways of highlighting scriptures, taking notes, and "being creative." That didn't work long-term, but it doesn't mean I should give up on having meaningful scripture study.
Planning to me needs to be flexible enough for creative action. If I plan every hour of the day, it often becomes an awful burden, because I have subjected myself to the tyrant of myself the night before. I try to always keep my method of planning fresh, so that I never feel like I am in a rut.
The second cringe-worthy factor was his emphasis on effectiveness. I agree with his idea of the law of the harvest, but I feel that it can become self-serving very easily. Just read this quote here:
Effectiveness means convert baptisms. Effectiveness means to teach good discussions to good people. Effective activity brings accomplishments, results. Ineffective activity (busyness without results) brings frustration and can breed discouragement and an unbelieving or defeatist attitude. Effectiveness—accomplishment—success: one and the same thing.
Taken out of context, this can lead to a terrible gospel of success. It no longer focuses on people, but "success." And it can lead to toxic perfectionism. If you aren't getting twenty lessons a week as a missionary, it's because you haven't put in the necessary work to achieve it yet. Again, Covey balances his discussion with focusing on the individual; it's there. But when we Mormons sin, it tends to be in the direction of Pharisaism and the letter of the law, not the other direction.
An excellent reminder of how the gospel is meant to be lived in practice.
I was correct. Covey's book is less ordered than say, Seven Habits. It has principles too, but it's organized more like a series of sermons. 28 in all. I believe a lot of them were probably principles he taught his missionaries as a mission president. Many of the experiences he uses as examples are missionary experiences as a mission president. Something else that dates the book a little bit are all his quotes from David O. McKay. They are powerful, and they hark back to a period that emphasizes "old-fashioned" values like integrity and self-discipline-- that I personally believe our world could use a dose of right now. For the sake of our mental and emotional health, or the fact that everybody is different and we can't impose the same system on everyone, we sacrifice self-discipline. I believe a central tenet to life is paradox, and that we will all need to find a balance between, on one side, self denial and discipline, and on the other, creativity and freedom. The world happens to be emphasizing one side strongly at the moment at the expense of the other.
Covey expects a lot of his audience. He calls it the law of the harvest: you reap what you sow. He doesn't allow for excuses, or "I will try." And this is what gives it its power. I tire of object lessons in church that are mostly there to entertain, or stories that seem like more fluff than anything else. I also don't like talks organized into lists that seem fairly arbitrary, and don't leave with a sense of cohesiveness and unity. Covey weaves all things into one, helping you realize that the gospel is a unified way of life.
As a system of belief and action, Covey's words bear witness to the truth of the gospel, and that he has worked to attain that truth for himself. You know that he practices what he preaches. However, I don't believe that every reader need to take everything he teaches into their own lives. To me, that would be, as Elder Uchtdorf taught, one man's good ideas and making them into a hedge about the law, a new law of Moses. There are a few things, for instance, that I cringed at doing when I read.
The first is his, I think, over-emphasis and praise of planning:
Planning is thinking. Planning is serving “with your mind.� Half an hour in daily, careful planning will double or triple the effectiveness of your ten hours of work. Planning requires mental discipline, patience, and a lot of practice. Do not become discouraged in your initial struggling effort to develop the planning skill. Stay with it in faith.
He is a full believer in the power of checklists:
Develop your own personal study guide and follow it, using a checklist. Let self-discipline in every phase of your life bring you to Christ-like motives and works of wisdom, humility, love, and service in each of these phases of life.
While I believe that systems are important to commit to, they are only useful so long as you are committed to it. If your system is no longer working, you shouldn't be afraid to modify it or build on it. As a returned missionary, I began trying to add more and more bells and whistles to my personal study that it became a burden rather than a help; I had a list of 25 items that I needed to include in every study session, with specific ways of highlighting scriptures, taking notes, and "being creative." That didn't work long-term, but it doesn't mean I should give up on having meaningful scripture study.
Planning to me needs to be flexible enough for creative action. If I plan every hour of the day, it often becomes an awful burden, because I have subjected myself to the tyrant of myself the night before. I try to always keep my method of planning fresh, so that I never feel like I am in a rut.
The second cringe-worthy factor was his emphasis on effectiveness. I agree with his idea of the law of the harvest, but I feel that it can become self-serving very easily. Just read this quote here:
Effectiveness means convert baptisms. Effectiveness means to teach good discussions to good people. Effective activity brings accomplishments, results. Ineffective activity (busyness without results) brings frustration and can breed discouragement and an unbelieving or defeatist attitude. Effectiveness—accomplishment—success: one and the same thing.
Taken out of context, this can lead to a terrible gospel of success. It no longer focuses on people, but "success." And it can lead to toxic perfectionism. If you aren't getting twenty lessons a week as a missionary, it's because you haven't put in the necessary work to achieve it yet. Again, Covey balances his discussion with focusing on the individual; it's there. But when we Mormons sin, it tends to be in the direction of Pharisaism and the letter of the law, not the other direction.
An excellent reminder of how the gospel is meant to be lived in practice.
June 24, 2008
Engaging treatment of how our spiritual development is inextricably intertwined with our personal and professional development. In many ways, this was the precursor of his later more famous book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It offers clarity and actionable counsel on gaining an eternal vision (including the wonderful metaphor of the seven days of creation as it relates to individual growth and development), commitment (private victory always precedes public victory), understanding and succeeding with people, communication, and self-discipline.
November 21, 2008
IT is a slow read because it has alot of information. TO read it quickly I am sure you would miss something. I think it is a perfect book for those in returning from a mission or starting a young family. I rank it a close second to Miracle of Forgiveness in that this book should be read every once in a while. I thought that this book would be a great best seller if it was not so geared to church members...but then again it has to be. .
June 11, 2008
I found a copy kicking around one of the mission apartments and read it, then hung on to it for the rest of my time in France, and then left it for someone else to find. Bought a copy of my own when I got home.
Read
July 19, 2012life changing book. Needs to be reviewed and worked on forever, least I do. Keep Covey's Daily Reflections for Highly Effective People in my bathroom for cogitating on. It's how to live the Gospel for real.
May 4, 2009
I really really love this book. I've suggested this book to many people and given one to my sis. Its a great book!
September 4, 2009
Great book!
November 23, 2009
By far my favorite book by an LDS author. It just covers everything.
August 11, 2021
If you've read Covey's fabulous "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," consider this to be an early draft specifically for an audiences of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The points of Seven Habits show up here, although it's clear they're not as crisp and well-delineated as in Seven Habits. He even uses several of the same experiences, like delegating lawn care to his young son.
Most importantly he frequently quotes prophets and apostles, cites scripture, and relates activities integral to LDS life: mutual, tithing, redemption & forgiveness, prayer, exaltation, serving a mission [and what to do upon return], and eternal families. Covey gives very pointed advice about how to make the best use of inspiration from God, what to pray about, how to approach Heavenly Father in prayer, how to repent, and improve. Often we hear generalities in Church, but these are very practical.
For the LDS audience, if you could only read this or Seven Habits, I strongly suggest this.
I took almost two months to read it because it was a lot to digest and ponder about. I read it relatively slowly and with contemplation.
I copy I read was a gift to my wife as she served her mission decades ago and on the other side of the continent.
Most importantly he frequently quotes prophets and apostles, cites scripture, and relates activities integral to LDS life: mutual, tithing, redemption & forgiveness, prayer, exaltation, serving a mission [and what to do upon return], and eternal families. Covey gives very pointed advice about how to make the best use of inspiration from God, what to pray about, how to approach Heavenly Father in prayer, how to repent, and improve. Often we hear generalities in Church, but these are very practical.
For the LDS audience, if you could only read this or Seven Habits, I strongly suggest this.
I took almost two months to read it because it was a lot to digest and ponder about. I read it relatively slowly and with contemplation.
I copy I read was a gift to my wife as she served her mission decades ago and on the other side of the continent.
August 1, 2021
A very insightful and interesting book. Unlike his later books such as the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, this book by Stephen Covey is overtly religious and written with an intended audience of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. One thing I really liked about reading this book is that he discusses the doctrinal basis for many of the principles and habits he writes about in his later works. Some key points that really stood out to me were points he made regarding accepting the reality of the law of the harvest and unchanging nonnegotiable divine laws, and embracing our personal responsibility to obey those laws. He also had some really good things to say about self-mastery that were particularly helpful for me. The connection of the principle of stewardship to his 7 Habits section on circle of influence VS circle of concern was also very helpful.
There were many other true principles and doctrines taught in this book that were highly beneficial to me. I recommend the book.
There were many other true principles and doctrines taught in this book that were highly beneficial to me. I recommend the book.
April 8, 2021
Excellent! If you are human, read this book. It is the foundation of how to be a good human. You know how they say "If you want to change the world, start with yourself"? Well, this book shows why that is true, and how to begin to go about that. Our world would be a wonderful and better place if all humans followed this wisdom. It's not just advise or counsel, but it is universal truth, absolute truth, and it can change lives. Excellent book! Of course! It's by Stephen R. Covey!
One of the many quotes I liked from this book:
“The essential element in overcoming all three temptations and in practicing the exercises given above is self-denial. Ronal Dwight Hitchcock said, “The secret of all successes to know how to deny yourself, prove that you can control yourself, and you are an educated man; and without this, all other education is good for nothing.� - Stephen R. Covey, Spiritual Roots of Human Relations
One of the many quotes I liked from this book:
“The essential element in overcoming all three temptations and in practicing the exercises given above is self-denial. Ronal Dwight Hitchcock said, “The secret of all successes to know how to deny yourself, prove that you can control yourself, and you are an educated man; and without this, all other education is good for nothing.� - Stephen R. Covey, Spiritual Roots of Human Relations
December 8, 2018
Covey does a great job in relating long term spiritual ideals to daily, measurable acts. He makes a lot of great points and does it so that each chapter is very dense. My only issue is in this book's organization; the same points get repeated ten times over as remedies for different problems. I get that these same few corrections will solve many of these problems. However, if the organization focused on these remedies (discipline, prayer, planning, etc.) independently, they could be covered in more depth and be easier to internalize. I guess that's why I gave 7 Habits 5 stars and this only 4.
August 21, 2017
Phenomenal. A must-read for anyone seeking personal improvement and enlightenment. Sometimes we get bogged down in trying to improve so many aspects of ourselves at once. I have often felt discouraged by the magnitude of change that needs to occur in my life. In reading this, I have been able to develop a strategy for personal growth that is encouraging and sustainable.
I am going to by a hardcover copy to keep and reread.
I am going to by a hardcover copy to keep and reread.
July 24, 2022
I recently heard that this book was the foundation of the the missionary handbook, Preach My Gospel. So picked it up. Ten minutes in I knew that one reading would not be enough. My personal notes on this short book are extensive and I am just incredibly thankful for people like Covey who have walked the walk and can so simply breakdown the things that I seriously need. I can’t recommend this book and it’s teachings enough. I’m staring fresh today down a new road.
September 13, 2024
What Stephen R. Covey wrote before 7 Habits. Aimed at an audience of faithful church members. This book was in my dad’s library and he generously gave it to me. I had read it—or parts of it—years ago and recalled feeling quite moved by it, so wanted to read it again. And again I was quite moved by it. This book inspires me to draw closer to God. Implementing what this book teaches would help me overcome my pride.
July 21, 2021
This one didn't go over so well with me. Some very good insights but some other ideas that I really didn't like. And the person who read the book had an extremely annoying voice, but I tried to listen anyway to get what I could out of it. I have really liked other Covey books, but this one definitely a disappointment.
October 8, 2022
DEEP book; it covers so much. I think of it as a spiritual parenting guide in raising your family and increasing your spiritual understanding/maturity. Wonderful book, but as it is dense, takes a while to get through. Most highlighted/underlined book I've ever read. Will be referring to it requently.
January 22, 2024
One of my all time favorite books, no question! I am not a Mormon, or even a Christian for that matter, but Covey’s wisdom here is universal and perpetually relevant. This work is rich with principles of conscious living and they are presented in an absolutely captivating way. I have read it three times (and plan to many more), and I find it even more enjoyable and insightful each time.
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