Nora McInerny does not dance like no one is watching. In fact, she dances like everyone is watching, which is to say, she does not dance at all. A bestselling author and host of the beloved podcast Terrible, Thanks for Asking , she has captured the hearts of millions with her disarming and earnest approach to discussing grief and loss. Now, with Bad Vibes Only , she turns her eye on our aggressively, oppressively optimistic culture, our obsession with self-improvement, and what it really means to live authentically in the online age.
In essays that revisit her cringey past and anticipate her rapidly approaching, early middle-aged future, McInerny lays bare her own chaos, inviting us to drop the façade of perfection and embrace the that we are all—at best—slightly unhinged. Socrates claimed that the unexamined life is not worth living. Bad Vibes Only is for people who have taken that dictum a bit too far—the overthinkers, the analyzers, the recovering Girl Bosses, and the burned-out personal brand—reminding us that a life worth living is about more than just “good vibes.�
i likely never would have picked this one up � i've never heard of the author (sorry!) and i read fewer and fewer memoirs as my life progresses, plus i don't think i'm the target audience of this one anyway � but i had fun! i don't think i'll remember this very much at all, but i had a good time doing it. (it being forming no long-term memories.)
This is a book I'd buy and display for the cover and title alone. As an outgoing yet wildly introverted human who's been gifted that "Please Leave By 9" banner by not one but several friends, and whose attempts at small talk either fall flat or evolve (devolve?) into therapy-esque territory in the first five minutes, I laughed out loud when I saw this book. The only way I'd ever display one of those horrible, ubiquitous 'Good Vibes Only' signs is if I'd been kidnapped and needed to somehow signal to my loved ones that all was *not* well without tipping off my kidnappers, so, yes, I felt deeply and immediately seen.
Moving along to the content! Like the author, I am a Taylor Swift aficionado. She's a spectacular songwriter - and the gorgeous, gut-punching power of her work comes from her specificity. The ten-minute masterpiece All Too Well, for example, is chock-full of details - and while I've never literally left a scarf at a former lover's sister's house (as far as I'm aware), nor have I had weepy encounters with famous actresses in party bathrooms, I scream-sing along and I feel every bit of the emotion in it. On the other hand, it's no coincidence that ME!, arguably the most maligned song in her discography, is also her most generic.
I swear this digression has a point, and it's this: By far my favorite essays were the ones where McInerny got personal, sharing specific details of her and her loved ones' lives. In my opinion, two of the standouts were 'Stay-At-Home Mom', where she examines her lack of interest in travel (in stark contrast to her activity- and adventure-inclined second husband) and then relates their dynamic to the disparities in her parents' relationship, and 'Asking for a Friend', in which she recounts growing apart from - and eventually reconnecting with - her childhood friends after her first husband dies. On the other hand, 'Competitive Parenting Association', which didn't center or even mention her own experiences, read like a tired (if amusingly written) rant I could probably recite offhand if required. Overall, I liked most of these essays and loved a few - and in all seriousness, I'm in awe of McInerny's ability to find the humor in almost everything.
When I think of books to compare this to, strangely, Bittersweet by Susan Cain comes to mind. While that's traditional nonfiction and this, while true to her own life, decidedly isn't, it felt like a more casual, more personal, and far funnier exploration of that same phenomenon.
Thanks to NetGalley and Atria Books for an ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.
I loved her other books sooo much. These essays, however, were a bit too over-thought or read like writing assignments, to fulfill a book contract (especially Privacy Settings, The Craving, and Competitive Parenting Association, essays on (loosely): posting your kid’s pics on social media, society’s continued expectation of skinny women, and various parenting styles today). At times, I felt like I was seated at the table of her high school reunion (Chapter 9 Reunion) where she had taken an edible, but instead of hiding in the bathroom stall as she described, she was telling me all of these things. Some things were good and funny, other things made me want to excuse myself and find someone else to hang out with. I do love Nora McInerney’s thoughts on so much! I was just expecting more from this book.
She isn't just writing about her "bad vibes," its an entire book spent criticizing every other woman and mom - especially those different from herself. Especially those whose choices aren't the same as hers. She gives her own bad vibes a sense of humor while just mocking everyone else. It's the exact opposite of a self jelp book. You put down this book feeling worse about yourself and women than before you started. Could never recommend this book to anyone.
In 2014, I remember reading an obituary on Facebook that made me laugh. Yes, that sounds terribly morbid and insensitive, I know. Nora McInerny and her late husband, Aaron Purmort wrote his obituary together before he died, and it was so unique and entertaining that it went viral! (Google it if you haven’t read it before!) Shortly after, Nora released her first memoir which discusses Purmort’s battle with cancer, and I’ve been a huge fan of hers ever since. Nora’s previous memoirs, It’s Okay to Laugh and No Happy Endings were both five star reads for me, so my expectations were very high for Bad Vibes Only. I’m happy to report that it was also amazing, and blew my expectations out of the water. My one and only complaint - I wish it were longer! I wanted more Nora-isms. Bad Vibes Only is an essay collection centered around motherhood, friendship, loss, grief, healing, social media, body image, and SO much more. The book is only around 200 pages, but the author really packs it in! Nora is a breath of fresh air. I’ve never met the woman, but I can just tell that she’s a gem of a human being. She has a knack for discussing the sad, dark, and uncomfortable things in life, and making it funny, sincere, and relatable. Nora is brilliant, hilarious, insightful, witty, and real. If you’re looking for some great non-fiction to read for #nonfictionnovember, I highly recommend all three of Nora’s memoirs. You won’t be disappointed, I promise.
Why have I not heard of Nora before?! Have I been living under a rock? Perhaps I just have been busy mindlessly scrolling Instagram and not paying attention. Get with the program, Katie!
I love when I finish a book by a new to me author and immediately mark all their other books as to-be-read.
Nora like a few of my favorites - Mary Laura Philpott, Kate Bowler, Jenny Lawson, all bring REAL life, joy, hardships, laughter and reflection to the table. They lay it all out there so we can feel less alone and not so crazy for all the thoughts swirling around in our brains.
The chapter titled Anything Can Happen specifically struck me after just having read Next of Kin by Kia Abdullah. Bad things can happen to any of us. Forgive yourselves for we are just humans doing our dang best.
Highly recommend listening as the author narrates.
Thank you Atria for the gifted copy and Simon Audio for the gifted listening copy.
It just wasn’t funny. I’m all for shutting down the view that we have to be constant Pollyannas, but that doesn’t mean we have to go through life gloomy and depressed. And for as much as she seemed to want to bust the bubbles of the “everything is wonderful� mentality, she still also seems to want to win the “competition� of life. Diet culture is terrible (but I’m so thin!). Phones are addictive (but I’m still on mine all the time). We shouldn’t force kids into the hype of perfectionism (but I was a super smart kid and my kid is also super smart). And there’s nothing wrong with doing your best - that doesn’t mean that you have to be the best. This book was a slog for me
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
I liked this collection broadly and like McInerny's voice. She has a good balance between funny and vulnerable. I think some parts were really strong and some essays felt less urgent to me as a reader, but also maybe to her as the writer.
Nora McInerny gives us a humorous look at the world today, including the over abundance of self-help books (how did we live without them?)
This is a book that will touch every single person on some level and make you look at life with a bit of a lighter outlook. We don't need to be perfect - it's a goal that is unreachable and adds stress.
I didn't NOT like this, to be clear right from the start.
This book of essays covers pretty familiar ground - grief, anxiety, parenthood, perfectionism, and more. There's a lightly humorous tone that's pleasant without trying too hard. The writing style is engaging and is easy to read.
That said, it doesn't really bring anything new to the table. It touches on diet culture, the disinterested parenting of the 80s, adult friendships, work struggles in a very relatable way, which is a positive in its own self. If you're the same age as the author, who says she came of age in the late 90s/early 2000s, you won't find any real fresh takes, but more a companionable confirmation of things you've already felt before or thought through on your own time, and for me, at least, that makes for an enjoyable read.
In fact, that's where a lot of the positives in this book come from - remembering that you, too, had a "going out" top in your youth, or nodding along about the diet culture that both condemned and glorified eating disorders through social pressure and what we saw in the media. You've probably had the same parenting ideas and slip ups and plans. A lot of times, the author isn't stating anything new but crystallizing what you already believe in a particularly concise and well-formed phrase.
Being 100% honest, I probably won't ever think about this book again - I didn't learn anything new from it, or find a new best friend in the author. But it was a lot of nodding along and thinking "yeah, exactly that" at many points, and how doesn't enjoy feeling recognized? I DO.
I will say, though, that for a book I found pleasant but forgettable, I do think I will probably take another quick look over to note down some of those particularly concise and well-formed phrases before I return this to the library.
3.5 stars rounded up. This has the best title, and it caught my eye immediately. I started reading and switched to listening when the audiobook (read by the author) became available.
I enjoyed her darker humour and found much of the book relatable, especially around office work, parenting, and working from home. I appreciate a theme of “good enough.� We can’t all be Michelle Obama 😆
I had never heard of Nora McInerny before this, but I hope to read more of her work.
The nicest thing I can say about this is that I don't think I am the target audience (and thankfully the audiobook is only 5 hours or it would have been a DNF).
Boring read. The author felt very unaware of her privilege and the whole book came across as a bunch of tone deaf complaining. At least this got me closer to my end of year reading goal�
I liked this! I didn’t love it? Admittedly I think this is a me problem and not a Nora McInerny problem - it’s quick witted and introspective. I just also think I need to not read so many books by millennials about how they’re ensnared by the siren songs of social media because I get a little more judgy than I do compassionate lately? Like her insights are good and universally truthful, but I just was kind of like “yep! Sucks that the whole internet is reduced to binary thinking and that it’s much more satisfying to label something as bad or good than to grapple with the interstitial fibers of goodness and badness in all of us! But also maybe stop taking influencer classes!� Anyways, very human and very good, I’m just not in the place to have loved this the way I might have a year or two ago.
McInerny is a bit of a curmudgeon, but her voice is humorous enough to skate past the danger of the "whining on the yacht" syndrome that can sometimes happen with books shelved over near self-help. Even if the author is side-eyeing the whole self-help industry.
Sometimes I could relate, other times we were from different planets, which is a plus. I like other points of view, even when I don't agree. Her love-hate thing with social media, for instance, made me shrug the way I shrug when someone goes on about their passion for shoes. I just don't feel the vibe, bad or good.
Who is the reader for these? Maybe the middle aged (I'm too old by a generation) mom? Really, anyone who wants to dip into a book of essays, to see what one woman thinks.
No better way to end the year than with a perfect 5 star self-helper!
Nora’s been through it and provides an ideal and friendly combo platter of levity and advice with a collection of ‘m-essays� about parenting, anxiety, self-image, addictions and mostly, grief.
I particularly found interesting her discussion of grappling with the role of social media in helping her through the pain at the loss of her husband, yet worrying that the same tactics in the form of the #ralphiegram hashtag celebrating the birth of her son commodified him, and violated his privacy boundaries. And, the essay about her and her son after their mounain hike is devastating and unforgettable. No spoilers here though-just read it.
I listened to the audiobook as read by Nora herself-always the best way to go, imo. But I’m looking forward to reading the print version too, as I want to go back and highlight a s-ton of passages. Brutal, wise, funny. She’s my new favorite.
I read this at the beach and laughed out loud many times. Then of course I needed those around me to hear what I was laughing about. They listened as I read aloud and they laughed too.
This is a great book of essays - each one connecting to a difficult truth that most people don’t like to talk about. I appreciated many of the stories Nora told - resonating with some and not others. I’ve already recommended the book to a few people. If you like talk about the truth and serious topics (grief, parenting, alcoholism, faith, and more) delivered with humor and honor, you will like this memoir in essays.
I share Nora’s mission for us to be real and to share our stories.
I love the way she writes and her perspective is unique, yet relatable. Highly recommend to my MN girlies! Probably helpful if you know a little bit about the author’s backstory.
It’s pretty good. I didn’t feel *super* engaged with the book until the end. Two of the essays in particular stuck with me: the one about how guilty she felt after forgetting her kid in a car in the Arizona heat, and the one about “substance�. That latter one might actually lead me to delete Instagram.
Truly, I believe that everything Nora touches is golden.
I have read all her books (except the novelization of Bad Moms, haha, because I worked at Studio Movie Grill the summer that came out and I know the plot by heart now but I digress). Nora’s been the internet’s Professional Griever for many years, hosting the show “Terrible, Thanks for Asking.�
I have listened to every episode she’s recorded. I love her humor and her humility in approaching the tender, liminal space between this life and the next.
I worry that she is weary of the hustle culture of the internet, when her expertise is in the events of our lives that cannot - will not - participate in that hustle.
Grief takes its time with us. Grief makes a home with us, as an unwanted and unbidden guest.
This collection of essays is a sigh of relief against the push of positivity, perfection and personal achievement. I’ve enjoyed reading Nora’s musings on topics like alcoholism and parenting and faith. I have always preferred the episodes of her show where Nora just speaks into her microphone.
This book is 19 such episodes.
My particular favorite essay in this was “Holy Envy.� Girls gone wild becoming cloistered nuns. I mean, C’MON.
This is host of the podcast Terrible, Thanks for Asking Nora McInerny’s third book, an essay collection that covers a range of topics including friendship, parenting, body image, overachieving, grief, growing up in the 90s, social media, and more.
Nora’s writing is smart, observant, and insightful. She has a way of shining a light on the contradictory and uncomfortable parts of life and making them relatable, funny, and affirming. The essays generally end with arresting sincerity and beauty that left me feeling absorbed and seen, even as a non-mom.
This is one you can listen to in a matter of hours, possibly in a day or two. I loved the audio in Nora’s own voice, but there is a case to be made for a physical copy you can dog-ear and revisit. I’d recommend this most to moms and/or elder millennials, especially those looking for an essay collection that explores with humor and sincerity the fraught aspects of living as a woman in the modern world.
Gosh, is this funny. Nora McInerny is at her best in Bad Vibes Only.
I tore through this collection of essays and neglected my obligations just to live inside her insightful, smart, critical brain for two days. I’m exhausted! And strangely settled. Nora pokes at (hers, mine, ours?) insecurities and pacifies them simultaneously. The essays in Bad Vibes Only are generous in spirit in that each one points to a truth shared and a burden most of us carry. I appreciate how McInerny earnestly tries to comfort her readers by uniting us in our imperfections.
An advanced reader’s copy was generously given to me by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Bad Vibes Only will be published on October 25, 2022.
Nora McInerny packs this book with some very much relatable stories about life as an anxious overthinker. It's an entertaining listen, read by the author herself, and it will feel like you're just listening to a good friend rambling about life. I stumbled upon this one on Scribd and couldn't resist the beautiful cover, but the best part of this book is getting to know Nora and her TED talks on grief. Very powerful and meaningful, just what I needed right now.
Bad Vibes Only, is for those who, like me, thoroughly enjoy laughing and crying all at once. It’s for those who recognize the tenderness of the human condition and see beauty in the hard parts of life.
This book of insightful and humorous essays outlines the complex coming of age feelings you having whether you’re 5 or 35, and I thoroughly enjoyed!
I loved It's Okay to Laugh and No Happy Endings, but this one didn't do much for me. There were some funny observations, but mostly I only got through this to complete my book challenge for the year.