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How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind
An intimate, insightful, at times even humorous exploration of why the thought of death is so compulsive for some while demonstrating that there’s always another solution—from the acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy, based on his viral essay, “I’m Still Here.�
“A rock for people who’ve been troubled by suicidal ideation, or have someone in their lives who is.� � The New York Times
“If you’re going to write a book about suicide, you have to be willing to say the true things, the scary things, the humiliating things. Because everybody who is being honest with themselves knows at least a little bit about the subject. If you lie or if you fudge, the reader will know.�
The last time Clancy Martin tried to kill himself was in his basement with a dog leash. It was one of over ten attempts throughout the course of his life. But he didn’t die, and like many who consider taking their own lives, he hid the attempt from his wife, family, coworkers, and students, slipping back into his daily life with a hoarse voice, a raw neck, and series of vague explanations.
In How Not to Kill Yourself, Martin chronicles his multiple suicide attempts in an intimate depiction of the mindset of someone obsessed with self-destruction. He argues that, for the vast majority of suicides, an attempt does not just come out of the blue, nor is it merely a violent reaction to a particular crisis or failure, but is the culmination of a host of long-standing issues. He also looks at the thinking of a number of great writers who have attempted suicide and detailed their experiences (such as David Foster Wallace, Yiyun Li, Akutagawa, Nelly Arcan, and others), at what the history of philosophy has to say both for and against suicide, and at the experiences of those who have reached out to him across the years to share their own struggles.
The result combines memoir with critical inquiry to powerfully give voice to what for many has long been incomprehensible, while showing those presently grappling with suicidal thoughts that they are not alone, and that the desire to kill oneself—like other self-destructive desires—is almost always temporary and avoidable.
“A rock for people who’ve been troubled by suicidal ideation, or have someone in their lives who is.� � The New York Times
“If you’re going to write a book about suicide, you have to be willing to say the true things, the scary things, the humiliating things. Because everybody who is being honest with themselves knows at least a little bit about the subject. If you lie or if you fudge, the reader will know.�
The last time Clancy Martin tried to kill himself was in his basement with a dog leash. It was one of over ten attempts throughout the course of his life. But he didn’t die, and like many who consider taking their own lives, he hid the attempt from his wife, family, coworkers, and students, slipping back into his daily life with a hoarse voice, a raw neck, and series of vague explanations.
In How Not to Kill Yourself, Martin chronicles his multiple suicide attempts in an intimate depiction of the mindset of someone obsessed with self-destruction. He argues that, for the vast majority of suicides, an attempt does not just come out of the blue, nor is it merely a violent reaction to a particular crisis or failure, but is the culmination of a host of long-standing issues. He also looks at the thinking of a number of great writers who have attempted suicide and detailed their experiences (such as David Foster Wallace, Yiyun Li, Akutagawa, Nelly Arcan, and others), at what the history of philosophy has to say both for and against suicide, and at the experiences of those who have reached out to him across the years to share their own struggles.
The result combines memoir with critical inquiry to powerfully give voice to what for many has long been incomprehensible, while showing those presently grappling with suicidal thoughts that they are not alone, and that the desire to kill oneself—like other self-destructive desires—is almost always temporary and avoidable.
431 pages, Hardcover
First published March 28, 2023
588 people are currently reading
13372 people want to read
About the author
Clancy Martin
33books99followersClancy Martin (PhD, University of Texas at Austin, 2003) is Professor of Philosophy at University of Missouri-Kansas City. He works on nineteenth century philosophy, existentialism, moral psychology, applied ethics, and Buddhism.
Clancy’s writing has appeared in The New Yorker, Harper's Magazine (where he is a contributing editor), The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The London Review of Books, GQ, Esquire, Ethics, The Times Literary Supplement, Vice (where he is a contributing editor), The London Times, Australian Financial Times, The Dublin Times, Details, New York, Elle, The Harvard Advocate, The Columbia Journalism Review, Bookforum, and many other publications. His work has been translated into more than thirty languages, including Portuguese, Korean, and Mandarin. In 2009 and 2015 Kansas City's The Pitch named Clancy their "Best Author of the Year."
Clancy’s writing has appeared in The New Yorker, Harper's Magazine (where he is a contributing editor), The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The London Review of Books, GQ, Esquire, Ethics, The Times Literary Supplement, Vice (where he is a contributing editor), The London Times, Australian Financial Times, The Dublin Times, Details, New York, Elle, The Harvard Advocate, The Columbia Journalism Review, Bookforum, and many other publications. His work has been translated into more than thirty languages, including Portuguese, Korean, and Mandarin. In 2009 and 2015 Kansas City's The Pitch named Clancy their "Best Author of the Year."
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December 2, 2022
Received a complimentary ARC of How Not to Kill Yourself by Clancy Martin from Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor/NetGalley. Scroll to the very end for a cut-and-paste of the flyleaf copy for if you want to read my thoughts on the book in the context of a summary.
So many thoughts on this book. SO many thoughts. So let’s start with a�..
So.
So, first of all, I misunderstood that I had only three days to download this book from NetGalley (it was a “Read Now�). I thought I had both to get it and read it within three days. It is way, way too long and heavy/intense of a book for that sort of thing, so I should’ve realized a lot earlier than I did that the three-day thing was just how long I had to acquire it, not to read it. Duh. Point being: If you are reading this Book Report and trying to decide whether to read the book, my guidance would be not to slam it back like a shot of whatever your poison is; instead, read about 25 pages a day or something.
Second, I’m reacting to this book as someone who has dealt with clinically diagnosed anxiety and depression for most of her life, and for whom active suicidal ideation was a very real thing for a great deal of said life. Thankfully, I had a major brain chemistry change concurrent with menopause, so that seems to be in my past. Hopefully forever. Also, I never actually attempted _active_ suicide.
Third, I’m reacting to this book as someone who personally knows five people who have shot and killed themselves. Tangentially knows a few more. Knows even more people who have actively attempted suicide (hanging, pills, razors in the bath, handgun, etc.). It’s not like this is unfamiliar territory.
[Side note: Oh, wow, I just realized I said “knows� instead of “knew� in the above paragraph. And I guess that’s technically correct; in my mind, they’re all still alive, just as they were when they made their choice to leave this plane of existence. In order�..Kevin, Mrs Eubanks, Neil, Adam, Tommy.]
Fourth, dear sweet Jesus but does Clancy Martin need an editor or what? I mean, not every book he’s read on this topic can be “one of the best.� Some of them are just books, OK? And cut it out with the faux intimacy. I am God’s Own Expert at faux intimacy, so I recognize it when I see it; just enough “details� to make you think you’re bonding, but you’re not telling the really real truth. And speaking of cutting? How about delete about a third of it all? So. Much. Repetition.
All that said…�
If you’ve never read any (other) comprehensive works on suicide, then this is a great book for providing you guidance about what all else to read and resources about how to understand/perhaps even manage the primal suicidal impulse and/or interact with someone who is actively suicidal and/or navigate your life after someone you know decides to die by suicide. Is it a great piece of writing? Nah. Do I want to drink a proverbial beer with Clancy Martin? Extra-nah. Is that latter reaction probably me recognizing my younger and much-more narcissistic self in him?
[Shifts, awkwardly, in chair. Mumbles.]
Fifth & Finally: I can’t/don’t/won’t/wouldn’t ever presume to judge whether someone’s choice to leave this particular plane of existence at a time of their own choosing was/is the “right� thing to do. Do I understand/empathize more with people who are in their 70th and 80th decades who have been presented with diagnoses of fatal and painful diseases and are facing years of horrible pain and decide to make that decision? Well, of course (even though I’m a bit out from that yet, I hope). Do I wish I could stop the teenagers from thinking it will never get better and making those choices late some night, those particularly dark nights of their souls? Of course. Do I wrestle with the idea that it is so unfair to those loved ones left behind that the choice can never be correct? Um, well, yeah. Of course, again.
So, kudos to Professor Martin for putting it all out there (and, of course, for writing books!).
And, I’ll give him this. He made me realize that, in the end, I don’t have a high-enough risk tolerance to bet on the come, so to speak, of whatever might be “the afterlife.�
Still, though. Dude. Get an editor.
FLYLEAF COPY
An intimate, insightful, at times even humorous exploration of why the thought of death is so compulsive for some while demonstrating that there’s always another solution—from the acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy, based on his viral essay, “I’m Still Here.�
“If you’re going to write a book about suicide, you have to be willing to say the true things, the scary things, the humiliating things. Because everybody who is being honest with themselves knows at least a little bit about the subject. If you lie or if you fudge, the reader will know.�
The last time Clancy Martin tried to kill himself was in his basement with a dog leash. It was one of over ten attempts throughout the course of his life. But he didn’t die, and like many who consider taking their own lives, he hid the attempt from his wife, family, coworkers, and students, slipping back into his daily life with a hoarse voice, a raw neck, and series of vague explanations.
In How Not to Kill Yourself, Martin chronicles his multiple suicide attempts in an intimate depiction of the mindset of someone obsessed with self-destruction. He argues that, for the vast majority of suicides, an attempt does not just come out of the blue, nor is it merely a violent reaction to a particular crisis or failure, but is the culmination of a host of long-standing issues. He also looks at the thinking of a number of great writers who have attempted suicide and detailed their experiences (such as David Foster Wallace, Yiyun Li, Akutagawa, Nelly Arcan, and others), at what the history of philosophy has to say both for and against suicide, and at the experiences of those who have reached out to him across the years to share their own struggles.
The result combines memoir with critical inquiry to powerfully give voice to what for many has long been incomprehensible, while showing those presently grappling with suicidal thoughts that they are not alone, and that the desire to kill oneself—like other self-destructive desires—is almost always temporary and avoidable.
So many thoughts on this book. SO many thoughts. So let’s start with a�..
So.
So, first of all, I misunderstood that I had only three days to download this book from NetGalley (it was a “Read Now�). I thought I had both to get it and read it within three days. It is way, way too long and heavy/intense of a book for that sort of thing, so I should’ve realized a lot earlier than I did that the three-day thing was just how long I had to acquire it, not to read it. Duh. Point being: If you are reading this Book Report and trying to decide whether to read the book, my guidance would be not to slam it back like a shot of whatever your poison is; instead, read about 25 pages a day or something.
Second, I’m reacting to this book as someone who has dealt with clinically diagnosed anxiety and depression for most of her life, and for whom active suicidal ideation was a very real thing for a great deal of said life. Thankfully, I had a major brain chemistry change concurrent with menopause, so that seems to be in my past. Hopefully forever. Also, I never actually attempted _active_ suicide.
Third, I’m reacting to this book as someone who personally knows five people who have shot and killed themselves. Tangentially knows a few more. Knows even more people who have actively attempted suicide (hanging, pills, razors in the bath, handgun, etc.). It’s not like this is unfamiliar territory.
[Side note: Oh, wow, I just realized I said “knows� instead of “knew� in the above paragraph. And I guess that’s technically correct; in my mind, they’re all still alive, just as they were when they made their choice to leave this plane of existence. In order�..Kevin, Mrs Eubanks, Neil, Adam, Tommy.]
Fourth, dear sweet Jesus but does Clancy Martin need an editor or what? I mean, not every book he’s read on this topic can be “one of the best.� Some of them are just books, OK? And cut it out with the faux intimacy. I am God’s Own Expert at faux intimacy, so I recognize it when I see it; just enough “details� to make you think you’re bonding, but you’re not telling the really real truth. And speaking of cutting? How about delete about a third of it all? So. Much. Repetition.
All that said…�
If you’ve never read any (other) comprehensive works on suicide, then this is a great book for providing you guidance about what all else to read and resources about how to understand/perhaps even manage the primal suicidal impulse and/or interact with someone who is actively suicidal and/or navigate your life after someone you know decides to die by suicide. Is it a great piece of writing? Nah. Do I want to drink a proverbial beer with Clancy Martin? Extra-nah. Is that latter reaction probably me recognizing my younger and much-more narcissistic self in him?
[Shifts, awkwardly, in chair. Mumbles.]
Fifth & Finally: I can’t/don’t/won’t/wouldn’t ever presume to judge whether someone’s choice to leave this particular plane of existence at a time of their own choosing was/is the “right� thing to do. Do I understand/empathize more with people who are in their 70th and 80th decades who have been presented with diagnoses of fatal and painful diseases and are facing years of horrible pain and decide to make that decision? Well, of course (even though I’m a bit out from that yet, I hope). Do I wish I could stop the teenagers from thinking it will never get better and making those choices late some night, those particularly dark nights of their souls? Of course. Do I wrestle with the idea that it is so unfair to those loved ones left behind that the choice can never be correct? Um, well, yeah. Of course, again.
So, kudos to Professor Martin for putting it all out there (and, of course, for writing books!).
And, I’ll give him this. He made me realize that, in the end, I don’t have a high-enough risk tolerance to bet on the come, so to speak, of whatever might be “the afterlife.�
Still, though. Dude. Get an editor.
FLYLEAF COPY
An intimate, insightful, at times even humorous exploration of why the thought of death is so compulsive for some while demonstrating that there’s always another solution—from the acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy, based on his viral essay, “I’m Still Here.�
“If you’re going to write a book about suicide, you have to be willing to say the true things, the scary things, the humiliating things. Because everybody who is being honest with themselves knows at least a little bit about the subject. If you lie or if you fudge, the reader will know.�
The last time Clancy Martin tried to kill himself was in his basement with a dog leash. It was one of over ten attempts throughout the course of his life. But he didn’t die, and like many who consider taking their own lives, he hid the attempt from his wife, family, coworkers, and students, slipping back into his daily life with a hoarse voice, a raw neck, and series of vague explanations.
In How Not to Kill Yourself, Martin chronicles his multiple suicide attempts in an intimate depiction of the mindset of someone obsessed with self-destruction. He argues that, for the vast majority of suicides, an attempt does not just come out of the blue, nor is it merely a violent reaction to a particular crisis or failure, but is the culmination of a host of long-standing issues. He also looks at the thinking of a number of great writers who have attempted suicide and detailed their experiences (such as David Foster Wallace, Yiyun Li, Akutagawa, Nelly Arcan, and others), at what the history of philosophy has to say both for and against suicide, and at the experiences of those who have reached out to him across the years to share their own struggles.
The result combines memoir with critical inquiry to powerfully give voice to what for many has long been incomprehensible, while showing those presently grappling with suicidal thoughts that they are not alone, and that the desire to kill oneself—like other self-destructive desires—is almost always temporary and avoidable.
September 7, 2023
Martin, a philosophy professor, writes about his suicidal thoughts that have followed him since childhood, his ca. ten attempts to take his own life, how his mental illness relates to his childhood and how it has affected his adult life. In addition to the very personal stories, he quotes some philosophers (from to ) and relates the stories of famous characters who died from suicide, like and (see , , ). While this might sound like the run of the mill recipe for crafting a confessional memoir, the text is actually really impactfull, as Martin discusses a taboo in a very raw manner: For instance, he talks about suicide as a theatrical act, and describes the most shameful events related to his alcoholism without giving excuses.
While the book is rather long, especially for the genre, I have to say that I wasn't the least bit bored, no, I was intrigued by the discussions of thanatos, forms of suicide (quite a lot of them attempted by the author), literature relating to death, and the motivations that drive people to ponder killing themselves, mostly because this issue is not seriously investigated in public (it certainly is by healthcare professionals, but in general conversations, it's one of the few things that are truly not addressed). Martin even speaks about the question whether suicide is based on the assumption that death relieves people from life's general suffering, whether it's cowardly, whether it's narcissistic. He elaborates on his difficult childhood with parents suffering from mental illness and alcoholism, his own addiction, and his three marriages and five children.
Don't get me wrong: This book does not take a neutral stance on suicide, it talks broadly about understanding the suicidal mind in order to evade its destructive impulses. The text even offers resources for suicidal people. I feel like a really learnt a lot here, from a philosophy professor who battles suicidal ideation and addiction and, as he states, intends to help others by telling his own story.
While the book is rather long, especially for the genre, I have to say that I wasn't the least bit bored, no, I was intrigued by the discussions of thanatos, forms of suicide (quite a lot of them attempted by the author), literature relating to death, and the motivations that drive people to ponder killing themselves, mostly because this issue is not seriously investigated in public (it certainly is by healthcare professionals, but in general conversations, it's one of the few things that are truly not addressed). Martin even speaks about the question whether suicide is based on the assumption that death relieves people from life's general suffering, whether it's cowardly, whether it's narcissistic. He elaborates on his difficult childhood with parents suffering from mental illness and alcoholism, his own addiction, and his three marriages and five children.
Don't get me wrong: This book does not take a neutral stance on suicide, it talks broadly about understanding the suicidal mind in order to evade its destructive impulses. The text even offers resources for suicidal people. I feel like a really learnt a lot here, from a philosophy professor who battles suicidal ideation and addiction and, as he states, intends to help others by telling his own story.
December 4, 2022
Wow this book was so healing for me. Six years ago, my cousin called me and left an unusual voice mail telling me how much she loved me and was sorry. Unfortunately I was at a busy conference and had my ringer off. I didn’t hear the voice mail until the next morning. Later I found she had suicided and I had been the last call she had made.
For six years I carried the weight of that and felt great guilt. This author has helped me to discover that if anything, my love and friendship may have delayed her decision.
As someone experiencing a lifetime of suicidal thoughts, the author lets us inside the mind of someone who has those tendencies.
This was a worthwhile read. I found it sometimes a little drawn out and repetitive but I am better for having read it.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for sharing an advance copy in exchange for my fair and honest review.
For six years I carried the weight of that and felt great guilt. This author has helped me to discover that if anything, my love and friendship may have delayed her decision.
As someone experiencing a lifetime of suicidal thoughts, the author lets us inside the mind of someone who has those tendencies.
This was a worthwhile read. I found it sometimes a little drawn out and repetitive but I am better for having read it.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for sharing an advance copy in exchange for my fair and honest review.
March 8, 2023
This book speaks in a multitude of ways. Some chapters are for those feeling suicidal while other are for those who have felt suicidal. Some chapters are for those who have attempted while others are for those who are attempting. Still, Some chapters are for loved ones of the suicidal, successful or not. It deals in all aspects of suicide and is therefore a helpful toolbox to keep and use over and over.
This is educational, deeply personal, philosophical, heart wrenching, and accurate. I recommend this book to anyone who has been affected in anyway by suicide to get a copy.
This is educational, deeply personal, philosophical, heart wrenching, and accurate. I recommend this book to anyone who has been affected in anyway by suicide to get a copy.
August 31, 2023
This was very very good. It’s a serious deep dive into suicide and addiction but accessible for readers. It’s too long, but overall really good.
March 21, 2023
I'm stumped about how to even begin my review of this book which I got from NetGalley. Let's start with basics: It's 464 pages which is quite unbearable for a memoir with a little bit of self help advice. It's not a scientific text—not that the summary pretends it is. It explicitly says this is a memoir.
Clancy Martin is a well-educated professor, world-traveled, and a Buddhist. That Buddhism is something that can be appreciated for American/Western readers. Like The Beatles and many other white, westerners, Martin encounters Buddhist monks who influence him and change his life (Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche and Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche). Before them, he was encased in unfortunate influencers, people he still (by the end) refers to as his heroes: Édouard Levé, David Foster Wallace, Sylvia Plath, Nelly Arcan, Jean Améry, Paul Celan, Primo Levi, Emily Dickinson, and others. Within the "others" who have had influence on him is the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W.
There are hundreds of pages about Martin's experience in AA. He doesn't fully endorse it, but admits that some of it is useful. He has no problem pointing out the many flaws with Bill W. as a person and the 12 steps. The great part about Martin's insight into AA is that he shows there is still a tremendous amount of stigma surrounding the use of doctor-prescribed and -monitored medication. Does it suck that to get off one vice a person needs to be on another substance (or several, none of which provide any fun at all)? Sure. But if there is a part of neural wiring that makes some people obsessively thinking about self harm and death, and the solution of the time is to be dull, even lifeless, it needs to be accepted in places that are supposed to be safe to be oneself.
If this book had been cut in two and one about alcohol addiction and the other about suicide, my brain would have accepted it easier. There is so much dedicated to Martin's father's addiction (the man also had schizophrenia) and his own alcohol addiction. But Martin states that they are not causal in relationship to each other. I questioned, "Was there an editor on this book?"
Several celebrity deaths are discussed thoroughly including: Robin Williams and Anthony Bourdain; with cases that are considered parasuicide meaning that they lived dangerously through habitual drug use like Amy Winehouse and Kurt Cobain. Of the celebrities mentioned, Martin's discussions on Bourdain offer the most. There are quotes from Bourdain's friends that offer insight into a man who struggled deeply with depression and anxiety and was willing to appear always comfortable when around people and cameras.
As far as the interviews included, I was beyond excited to see Dese'Rae L. Stage and Andrew Solomon included. Here I am 100% biased. I've known Dese'Rae for years. She kindly included my own story in her Live Through This project. It's to show that people who try and die at their own hands are not one "type" but rather from every class, ethnicity, educational status, religious background, sexuality, or age.
Now I Understand Why Chidi Went to The Bad Place:
Martin's writing has a particular flaw that bothered my own reading experience so much, I started to highlight it every time I saw it. He uses the she/her female pronouns almost exclusively when speaking in general (notice that I said almost). He uses he/him male pronouns when discussing specific people. There was a lot of subconscious emphasis on women. Maybe he meant to it. I don't know. As soon as I noticed, I kept getting annoyed and irritated that a moral philosophy professor wouldn't use they/them or give equal usage. He even includes a statistic in one of his sections on Anthony Bourdain that states: men over 65 were the most likely to die by suicide according to a 2015 study. Yet, he continued to make obsessive thoughts about death a female problem. Perhaps if even half the middle-aged white men in the study went to therapy and sought help, they wouldn't be the biggest of the statistic. Needless to say, I got sick of seeing phrases like, "her despair," "her psychological condition," "choosing to kill herself," etc.
As previously stated, this book could do with some major editing or overhaul it into two smaller guides. Did you see The Good Place? Do you remember how long Chidi's thesis was?
If you watched The Good Place, there were many key elements about Chidi teaching Eleanor and the others moral philosophy. In one of the lifetimes, Eleanor finds Chidi all the way across the world because she found his speech online titled What Do We Owe Each Other?
This is important. Martin—in his standard of presenting all sides to an argument approach—debates whether suicide is the most selfish act a human could possibly do. He talks about loved ones mostly. The ones left in grief could be thinking the person should have continued suffering for their needs. Is it the bravest act to choose to live for others? This brought me to Chidi's speech that urges Eleanor to get on a plane and learn how to be a better person. Mind you, Eleanor is not suicidal nor depressed nor self harming. She is however, a selfish Arizona trash bag (the show's words).
There are other overwhelming contradictions besides whether suicide is selfish or not. The book is a roller coaster of mind-fuckery.
I think the interview portion could have been in a better format and included photos (maybe they are in the published copy, but not the review copy).
To complete my honest review, I'll state that when I reached 50% in the review copy, I couldn't take it anymore. I skipped to Appendix II (the interviews that are supposed to make the reader feel better, but that's debatable); then back to the main text for another two paragraphs and skipped ahead again to Appendix I (links and phone numbers); then back to a little bit in the section on relapse (chapter 9). Then I gave up for good.
Summary:
I cannot recommend this book no matter how much I wanted to. If you feel like reading a moral philosophy thesis mixed with a memoir on alcohol addiction, go for it. At least I learned some terminology.
Rating: 3 stars
INFO:
Live Through This
CrisisTextLine.org
US National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Veterans' Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255 (also has an online chat function through veteranscrisisline.net)
Trans Life Line
US: (877) 565-8860
Canada: (877) 330-6366
NAMI
Clancy Martin is a well-educated professor, world-traveled, and a Buddhist. That Buddhism is something that can be appreciated for American/Western readers. Like The Beatles and many other white, westerners, Martin encounters Buddhist monks who influence him and change his life (Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche and Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche). Before them, he was encased in unfortunate influencers, people he still (by the end) refers to as his heroes: Édouard Levé, David Foster Wallace, Sylvia Plath, Nelly Arcan, Jean Améry, Paul Celan, Primo Levi, Emily Dickinson, and others. Within the "others" who have had influence on him is the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill W.
There are hundreds of pages about Martin's experience in AA. He doesn't fully endorse it, but admits that some of it is useful. He has no problem pointing out the many flaws with Bill W. as a person and the 12 steps. The great part about Martin's insight into AA is that he shows there is still a tremendous amount of stigma surrounding the use of doctor-prescribed and -monitored medication. Does it suck that to get off one vice a person needs to be on another substance (or several, none of which provide any fun at all)? Sure. But if there is a part of neural wiring that makes some people obsessively thinking about self harm and death, and the solution of the time is to be dull, even lifeless, it needs to be accepted in places that are supposed to be safe to be oneself.
If this book had been cut in two and one about alcohol addiction and the other about suicide, my brain would have accepted it easier. There is so much dedicated to Martin's father's addiction (the man also had schizophrenia) and his own alcohol addiction. But Martin states that they are not causal in relationship to each other. I questioned, "Was there an editor on this book?"
Several celebrity deaths are discussed thoroughly including: Robin Williams and Anthony Bourdain; with cases that are considered parasuicide meaning that they lived dangerously through habitual drug use like Amy Winehouse and Kurt Cobain. Of the celebrities mentioned, Martin's discussions on Bourdain offer the most. There are quotes from Bourdain's friends that offer insight into a man who struggled deeply with depression and anxiety and was willing to appear always comfortable when around people and cameras.
As far as the interviews included, I was beyond excited to see Dese'Rae L. Stage and Andrew Solomon included. Here I am 100% biased. I've known Dese'Rae for years. She kindly included my own story in her Live Through This project. It's to show that people who try and die at their own hands are not one "type" but rather from every class, ethnicity, educational status, religious background, sexuality, or age.
Now I Understand Why Chidi Went to The Bad Place:
Martin's writing has a particular flaw that bothered my own reading experience so much, I started to highlight it every time I saw it. He uses the she/her female pronouns almost exclusively when speaking in general (notice that I said almost). He uses he/him male pronouns when discussing specific people. There was a lot of subconscious emphasis on women. Maybe he meant to it. I don't know. As soon as I noticed, I kept getting annoyed and irritated that a moral philosophy professor wouldn't use they/them or give equal usage. He even includes a statistic in one of his sections on Anthony Bourdain that states: men over 65 were the most likely to die by suicide according to a 2015 study. Yet, he continued to make obsessive thoughts about death a female problem. Perhaps if even half the middle-aged white men in the study went to therapy and sought help, they wouldn't be the biggest of the statistic. Needless to say, I got sick of seeing phrases like, "her despair," "her psychological condition," "choosing to kill herself," etc.
As previously stated, this book could do with some major editing or overhaul it into two smaller guides. Did you see The Good Place? Do you remember how long Chidi's thesis was?
If you watched The Good Place, there were many key elements about Chidi teaching Eleanor and the others moral philosophy. In one of the lifetimes, Eleanor finds Chidi all the way across the world because she found his speech online titled What Do We Owe Each Other?
This is important. Martin—in his standard of presenting all sides to an argument approach—debates whether suicide is the most selfish act a human could possibly do. He talks about loved ones mostly. The ones left in grief could be thinking the person should have continued suffering for their needs. Is it the bravest act to choose to live for others? This brought me to Chidi's speech that urges Eleanor to get on a plane and learn how to be a better person. Mind you, Eleanor is not suicidal nor depressed nor self harming. She is however, a selfish Arizona trash bag (the show's words).
There are other overwhelming contradictions besides whether suicide is selfish or not. The book is a roller coaster of mind-fuckery.
I think the interview portion could have been in a better format and included photos (maybe they are in the published copy, but not the review copy).
To complete my honest review, I'll state that when I reached 50% in the review copy, I couldn't take it anymore. I skipped to Appendix II (the interviews that are supposed to make the reader feel better, but that's debatable); then back to the main text for another two paragraphs and skipped ahead again to Appendix I (links and phone numbers); then back to a little bit in the section on relapse (chapter 9). Then I gave up for good.
Summary:
I cannot recommend this book no matter how much I wanted to. If you feel like reading a moral philosophy thesis mixed with a memoir on alcohol addiction, go for it. At least I learned some terminology.
Rating: 3 stars
INFO:
Live Through This
CrisisTextLine.org
US National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Veterans' Crisis Line 1-800-273-8255 (also has an online chat function through veteranscrisisline.net)
Trans Life Line
US: (877) 565-8860
Canada: (877) 330-6366
NAMI
October 12, 2023
After looking up this book on ŷ and clicking into the author’s profile, I realized that I had totally read another book by him � Love and Lies, which was a series of essays on love and sex, a source I had used in my final undergraduate class some years back. I found that book to be middling. Safe to say, the subject matter on this one is slightly different.
I picked this book up to browse through the pages. I did so while waiting for my friend to show up. Anytime we are meeting up close to this bookstore, I head over to the psychology section to browse. A couple of young ladies were slightly further down from me, looking at the books in the self-help/diet section. I only remember this because I looked up in the middle of flipping through some of the chapters of this book to see the horrified looks on their faces. A mixture of fear and helplessness. The title font is quite obnoxious and in your face, but I am fine.
This book is slightly better than Martin’s book on love, because it gives you a glimpse into the mind of someone who is severely suicidal, who is well-acquainted with depression and suicidal ideation, and who can provide a good perspective on the topic outside of the discourse of social media and mental health advertisements. Martin does this by discussing his life, his upbringing, and his struggles. He describes everything vividly. Things are graphic and crass, so I was grimacing quite a bit as I read this one. He also comes at the topic through the lens of psychology (in a clinical sense), philosophy, and literature. I think the book could use a cutting down of the unnecessary material, but there are enough useful nuggets in here for me to give it a 4 as opposed to a 3.
I picked this book up to browse through the pages. I did so while waiting for my friend to show up. Anytime we are meeting up close to this bookstore, I head over to the psychology section to browse. A couple of young ladies were slightly further down from me, looking at the books in the self-help/diet section. I only remember this because I looked up in the middle of flipping through some of the chapters of this book to see the horrified looks on their faces. A mixture of fear and helplessness. The title font is quite obnoxious and in your face, but I am fine.
This book is slightly better than Martin’s book on love, because it gives you a glimpse into the mind of someone who is severely suicidal, who is well-acquainted with depression and suicidal ideation, and who can provide a good perspective on the topic outside of the discourse of social media and mental health advertisements. Martin does this by discussing his life, his upbringing, and his struggles. He describes everything vividly. Things are graphic and crass, so I was grimacing quite a bit as I read this one. He also comes at the topic through the lens of psychology (in a clinical sense), philosophy, and literature. I think the book could use a cutting down of the unnecessary material, but there are enough useful nuggets in here for me to give it a 4 as opposed to a 3.
February 20, 2024
Expertly written, utterly fascinating and vulnerable. Truly educational.
I will definitely read this one again.
“Not feeling sorry for yourself is bad advice. When it comes to suicidal thoughts, one should definitely be encouraged to feel more sorry for themselves.�
“The prelude to compassion, is the willingness to see.�
I will definitely read this one again.
“Not feeling sorry for yourself is bad advice. When it comes to suicidal thoughts, one should definitely be encouraged to feel more sorry for themselves.�
“The prelude to compassion, is the willingness to see.�
March 19, 2025
so....
1. Martin is a philosophy professor and he writes like one. I suspect you'll read that and see it as straightforwardly insulting, but there are a lot of enjoyable aspects of how philosophers write. Certainly the digressiveness and fixation on definition makes this a stranger and more fulfilling book. It also makes it a longer one and, while I always hate this as generic book criticism, I do think there's a version of this book that's 50 pages shorter and correspondingly more punchy.
2. There is a wealth of good information about suicide here, particularly historical information, stories about how self-harm was viewed in the past. It's told through the lens of what's more or less explicitly a memoir about Martin's life and his own history of suicide attempts. Sometimes this works better; sometimes it works worse. I like the stories of Martin's life but I understand the reviewers who say that the book is more of a memoir than they bargained for. This one is a classic example of a book where your genre expectations going in will alter your perception. For me, it mostly works.
3. Funnily enough it's probably least effective as what its title promises, a guide on how not to kill yourself. But honestly that's more about the nature of depression and human instability and fate than anything else.
1. Martin is a philosophy professor and he writes like one. I suspect you'll read that and see it as straightforwardly insulting, but there are a lot of enjoyable aspects of how philosophers write. Certainly the digressiveness and fixation on definition makes this a stranger and more fulfilling book. It also makes it a longer one and, while I always hate this as generic book criticism, I do think there's a version of this book that's 50 pages shorter and correspondingly more punchy.
2. There is a wealth of good information about suicide here, particularly historical information, stories about how self-harm was viewed in the past. It's told through the lens of what's more or less explicitly a memoir about Martin's life and his own history of suicide attempts. Sometimes this works better; sometimes it works worse. I like the stories of Martin's life but I understand the reviewers who say that the book is more of a memoir than they bargained for. This one is a classic example of a book where your genre expectations going in will alter your perception. For me, it mostly works.
3. Funnily enough it's probably least effective as what its title promises, a guide on how not to kill yourself. But honestly that's more about the nature of depression and human instability and fate than anything else.
April 26, 2023
„How Not To Kill Yourself� is a memoir meeting a non-fiction book about several topics surrounding the main theme of suicide halfway, presenting itself in a very frank, direct way and choice of words. I’m convinced there needs to be a more open conversation surrounding suicide, the various forms of it and the extremely varying life situations that make people feel the need to commit to it, thus I think this can be a very discourse opening book. However, for me personally, I struggled a lot while reading this, maybe due to my own life situation, maybe because some passages felt like they were dragging over a lot more pages than they might have needed to.
This book presents a different outlook onto the immense topic of suicide: various forms people choose, the author’s personal experience with different methods, the aftermath of possibly failed suicidal attempts and also surprising examples of people that have committed, where the general public would never have expected them to and a lot more connected topics.
Mr. Martin chooses a very forward style to tackling these themes and sometimes I noticed myself needing breaks from this book, because I came close to drifting into a non-healthy spiral of thoughts myself.
I would be very careful to whom I recommend this book and as a resume myself I would probably state that I was not in the right place to tackle it. Thus, it is very hard for me to find an appropriate rating for How Not To Kill Yourself, but I’ll go with a neutral 3 star rating.
I received an arc in exchange for an honest review.
This book presents a different outlook onto the immense topic of suicide: various forms people choose, the author’s personal experience with different methods, the aftermath of possibly failed suicidal attempts and also surprising examples of people that have committed, where the general public would never have expected them to and a lot more connected topics.
Mr. Martin chooses a very forward style to tackling these themes and sometimes I noticed myself needing breaks from this book, because I came close to drifting into a non-healthy spiral of thoughts myself.
I would be very careful to whom I recommend this book and as a resume myself I would probably state that I was not in the right place to tackle it. Thus, it is very hard for me to find an appropriate rating for How Not To Kill Yourself, but I’ll go with a neutral 3 star rating.
I received an arc in exchange for an honest review.
July 13, 2023
a nearly-thoughtful meditation on suicide, however ultimately very scatterbrained. really needed a harsher editor and a clearer vision
June 25, 2024
This was a difficult book for me. As a healthcare professional and someone who has dealt with suicide professionally as well as in my personal life (my ex husband and daughter both have had attempts), I hoped to gain some more insight into the mind of a suicidal person.
I did enjoy the book in the memoir part. I did feel like it dealt quite a bit more extensively with the authors alcohol abuse vs his suicidal mind. And it was a lot of philosophy as well. I’m not a hugely philosophical person so that kind of bogged me down.
Overall I think it has its place as a book that will appeal to a certain group of people. I definitely don’t think it’s a book for anyone In crisis.
I received a copy of this title from the publisher. All opinions are my own.
I did enjoy the book in the memoir part. I did feel like it dealt quite a bit more extensively with the authors alcohol abuse vs his suicidal mind. And it was a lot of philosophy as well. I’m not a hugely philosophical person so that kind of bogged me down.
Overall I think it has its place as a book that will appeal to a certain group of people. I definitely don’t think it’s a book for anyone In crisis.
I received a copy of this title from the publisher. All opinions are my own.
April 8, 2023
I enjoyed the spirit of this book and appreciate the honestly and openness of the author to share his story.
I did feel like the ideas in this book were unorganized and it made the overall theme harder to digest. Also there we a lot of asides that felt disjointed from the flow of the story. I think this can be a great book for those with disjointed thoughts that want to feel seen. I personally felt that the disorganization took away from the main themes,
Thank you to NetGalley for the early copy and than you to the Author for sharing your story with us. I hope this helps lots of people feel understood and seen. This book is out now.
I did feel like the ideas in this book were unorganized and it made the overall theme harder to digest. Also there we a lot of asides that felt disjointed from the flow of the story. I think this can be a great book for those with disjointed thoughts that want to feel seen. I personally felt that the disorganization took away from the main themes,
Thank you to NetGalley for the early copy and than you to the Author for sharing your story with us. I hope this helps lots of people feel understood and seen. This book is out now.
October 21, 2022
This is a stunning, stunning, important book. (Pantheon.)
Read
June 20, 2023As a person who has struggled with suicidal ideation for half my life, this book really helped unlock much of the mysteries and obsessions of my mind and feel less alone as a result.
January 10, 2025
How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind is the most recent book by Clancy Martin, a Professor of Philosophy at the University of Missouri-Kansas City and a person who has navigated suicidal ideation for most of his life. As a therapist who works frequently with chronically suicidal clients, I was very interested in this book. Part memoir, part philosophical treatise, part literature review, this book had some interesting aspects. I enjoyed some of the studies and literature referenced and found some of the advice/information to be applicable in my work. With that being said, this could have benefited from some editing. The identity of the book got a little lost for me and the book was often meandering and esoteric. I think I would have preferred this book if it had committed more to a lane - was it a memoir? An exploration of available literature on suicide? A how-to-stay-alive guide? The structure didn't quite work for me.
Three stars - I liked it
Thanks so much to Clancy Martin and Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor for this ARC through NetGalley. How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind is available now.
Three stars - I liked it
Thanks so much to Clancy Martin and Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage, and Anchor for this ARC through NetGalley. How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind is available now.
September 12, 2023
This is one of the best books on suicide that I’ve read, but it’s difficult to know who to recommend it to. Personally, I loved the book for a multitude of reasons. First off, I could relate to the author, Clancy Martin, a ton. Like the author, I’m in recovery from alcoholism and drug addiction, and I struggled with suicidal ideation for many years. Especially those first years sober. The author is a philosophy teacher who has attempted to take his own life many times, and this book gives you an inside look at his life while also discussing a lot of research and various philosophies. I’d say the book is probably 70%+ memoir, though. I typically don’t like memoirs, but I could relate, so it kept me hooked.
The reason it’s hard to know who to recommend this to is because it’s brutally honest. As the author says in the intro, if you’re suicidal or struggle with depression, you may not want to read this book. Fortunately, after a decade of sobriety and getting my life back, it didn’t trigger me, but I could see how this would be a bad read for those struggling. I think this book might be great for those who don’t fully understand depression or even suicide because the author gives you a raw look at what goes on in the mind of the suicidal as well as some insight to what famous people may have been going through when they unfortunately took their own lives.
This is a fantastic book, and I guess I just hope it finds the right people.
The reason it’s hard to know who to recommend this to is because it’s brutally honest. As the author says in the intro, if you’re suicidal or struggle with depression, you may not want to read this book. Fortunately, after a decade of sobriety and getting my life back, it didn’t trigger me, but I could see how this would be a bad read for those struggling. I think this book might be great for those who don’t fully understand depression or even suicide because the author gives you a raw look at what goes on in the mind of the suicidal as well as some insight to what famous people may have been going through when they unfortunately took their own lives.
This is a fantastic book, and I guess I just hope it finds the right people.
July 31, 2023
2 1/2
I think it needs to be said that if you experience suicidal ideation, have impressionable thinking, and/ or are impulsive, do not read this book.
This felt more like an autobiography with self help elements mixed in, and I found this book to be unhelpful to my own suicidal experiences. It feels like he unintentionally romanticizes the idea of suicide. This book could be a good read if you are not familiar with suicidal ideation, and would like to learn more about what that is like, but not for a book to convince you not to kill yourself.
I think it needs to be said that if you experience suicidal ideation, have impressionable thinking, and/ or are impulsive, do not read this book.
This felt more like an autobiography with self help elements mixed in, and I found this book to be unhelpful to my own suicidal experiences. It feels like he unintentionally romanticizes the idea of suicide. This book could be a good read if you are not familiar with suicidal ideation, and would like to learn more about what that is like, but not for a book to convince you not to kill yourself.
July 23, 2023
I really hate to rate a memoir so low, but I have to DNF this book. I’m not enjoying it at all; it’s very disorganized & repetitive. I feel like a good editor could’ve made it more concise.
I requested this book on NetGalley because I work in psychiatry & was hoping to have another book to refer patients to. I will not be recommending this book.
Thank you NetGalley & to the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
I requested this book on NetGalley because I work in psychiatry & was hoping to have another book to refer patients to. I will not be recommending this book.
Thank you NetGalley & to the publisher for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
November 11, 2024
Excellent book!
First of all if you struggle with suicidal thoughts please ask for help, go online and find useful resources you can talk or text to. If you live I Québec as I do, do not hesitate to call 1-866-appelle or 811 option #2.
The author was able to walk the very thin line of the topic, showing too much empathy towards suicide and making it appear to the reader like a good choice, and being too far against that and sounding judgemental over the people that think about it or have done it. His personal experience with the subject certainly help him achieve it, but he also was able to avoid getting too personal and not universal which would have been a failed for me.
Many traps, tons of risks, but Clancy martin was able to navigate through masterfully.
The book talk about suicide, but also depression, addiction and the struggle of living that some of us feel and have to find a way to live it. Not a book that was easy to read because it sure made me feel a lot of emotions, but certainly one of the best book I read on the subject. Not for everybody but useful and necessary!
First of all if you struggle with suicidal thoughts please ask for help, go online and find useful resources you can talk or text to. If you live I Québec as I do, do not hesitate to call 1-866-appelle or 811 option #2.
The author was able to walk the very thin line of the topic, showing too much empathy towards suicide and making it appear to the reader like a good choice, and being too far against that and sounding judgemental over the people that think about it or have done it. His personal experience with the subject certainly help him achieve it, but he also was able to avoid getting too personal and not universal which would have been a failed for me.
Many traps, tons of risks, but Clancy martin was able to navigate through masterfully.
The book talk about suicide, but also depression, addiction and the struggle of living that some of us feel and have to find a way to live it. Not a book that was easy to read because it sure made me feel a lot of emotions, but certainly one of the best book I read on the subject. Not for everybody but useful and necessary!
December 5, 2022
With "How Not to Kill Yourself: A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind," acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy Clancy Martin has crafted an insightful, intelligent, and occasionally humorous exploration of what it means to live with a compulsively suicidal mind and how, at least for now, he's taken steps toward living a life where he's acquired the ability to resist compulsion and not actually kill himself.
"How Not to Kill Yourself" opens with Martin's honest exploration of his last suicide attempt, a basement attempt involving a dog leash that left him injured and having to explain his injuries in both personal and professional settings. This was one of over 10 attempts in Martin's life, at times what most would call a suicidal "gesture" and other times more serious attempts that would lead to hospitalizations that would prove impactful on his professional and personal life.
For some, especially those who've never been around the suicidal mind, "How Not to Kill Yourself" may prove a frustrating read as Martin is an obviously intelligent man and the uninformed will likely struggle to understand how such a well-informed human being can repeatedly fall into the cyclical nature of suicidal behavior.
Of course, for those who've either experienced the compulsion or been around it, "How Not to Kill Yourself" is filled with "Aha!" moment after "Aha!" moment.
I've long believed that a good majority of human beings have at least experienced the thought of suicide or at least a moment of "I Wish I Were Dead." While it's likely more rare to experience actual compulsions toward suicide, the truth is it remains such a taboo subject that I'm not sure it's entirely possible to know.
In other words, I think there's an audience that will gingerly move toward "How Not to Kill Yourself," though my biggest hope is that those who will read the book will actually talk about it.
As a survivor of multiple attempts myself, though I am many years away from my last attempt, I've also long been around suicide and have had multiple people, including my spouse, die by suicide. Following my years of compulsive behavior, I ended up working in crisis intervention for ten years and am known to still have quite the passion for those who struggle with the suicidal mind.
"How Not to Kill Yourself" is part memoir, part philosophy, part exploration of the influence of the arts, part coaching, and even occasionally has an almost poetic flow to it. While the book itself is rather lengthy, it's important to note that "How Not to Kill Yourself" has a lengthy resource section that comprises nearly 25% of the book's entire length.
In fact, I'd dare say that the resource section alone makes "How Not to Kill Yourself" a must read for those who've experienced or lived around the suicidal mind.
I will confess that I struggled at times with the structure of "How Not to Kill Yourself," a book that occasionally reads in compulsive and disjointed ways at time. While this is understandable, perhaps even intentional, it lessened the impact of the book for me and negatively impacted the actual reading experience. I'm also somewhat less than sold on the book's title, a compelling title and admirable goal but one that's not really thoroughly addressed until the final narrative chapter. When it is addressed, however, it's addressed well.
From a reader's standpoint, I must also confess I found the choice of font to be maddening. It's a tighter font that intensifies a reading experience that's already intense. It makes the experience of reading "How Not to Kill Yourself" a rather exhausting one.
In the end, however, I deeply appreciated Martin's boldness and openness in discussing with surprising candor a topic that seldom gets such transparent conversation. Martin writes with an objectivity that is surprisingly devoid of self pity or justification. Instead, Martin presents with an almost "matter-of-fact" way of writing that feels personal but not overly intimate.
As I wound down my time with "How Not to Kill Yourself," I realized I'd greatly appreciated the book even if I found it filled with occasionally unnecessary material that felt almost like a distraction from the matters at hand. At times I could understand this material's presence, but it still felt like a distraction for me that diluted the emotional and intellectual impact of the book. At times, it feels like Martin gets super close to actual intimacy in the book and then pulls back.
Martin himself sells the book, a man who's lived with his suicidal mind for years and who has also dealt with addictions and a myriad of the ways that addiction and compulsive behavior can tangibly impact one's life. He's successfully transformed his life, yet also acknowledges his awareness that the compulsion is still lingering in his mind ready to exploit a life circumstance, moment of weakness, or trauma. He's dedicated himself to corresponding with others, seemingly regularly, and in the end Martin comes off like a surprisingly ordinary human being simply trying to live a decent life.
At times rich in academia and other times incredibly personal, "How Not to Kill Yourself" is an engaging, thoughtful, and well resourced portrait of the suicidal mind and those who live with it.
"How Not to Kill Yourself" opens with Martin's honest exploration of his last suicide attempt, a basement attempt involving a dog leash that left him injured and having to explain his injuries in both personal and professional settings. This was one of over 10 attempts in Martin's life, at times what most would call a suicidal "gesture" and other times more serious attempts that would lead to hospitalizations that would prove impactful on his professional and personal life.
For some, especially those who've never been around the suicidal mind, "How Not to Kill Yourself" may prove a frustrating read as Martin is an obviously intelligent man and the uninformed will likely struggle to understand how such a well-informed human being can repeatedly fall into the cyclical nature of suicidal behavior.
Of course, for those who've either experienced the compulsion or been around it, "How Not to Kill Yourself" is filled with "Aha!" moment after "Aha!" moment.
I've long believed that a good majority of human beings have at least experienced the thought of suicide or at least a moment of "I Wish I Were Dead." While it's likely more rare to experience actual compulsions toward suicide, the truth is it remains such a taboo subject that I'm not sure it's entirely possible to know.
In other words, I think there's an audience that will gingerly move toward "How Not to Kill Yourself," though my biggest hope is that those who will read the book will actually talk about it.
As a survivor of multiple attempts myself, though I am many years away from my last attempt, I've also long been around suicide and have had multiple people, including my spouse, die by suicide. Following my years of compulsive behavior, I ended up working in crisis intervention for ten years and am known to still have quite the passion for those who struggle with the suicidal mind.
"How Not to Kill Yourself" is part memoir, part philosophy, part exploration of the influence of the arts, part coaching, and even occasionally has an almost poetic flow to it. While the book itself is rather lengthy, it's important to note that "How Not to Kill Yourself" has a lengthy resource section that comprises nearly 25% of the book's entire length.
In fact, I'd dare say that the resource section alone makes "How Not to Kill Yourself" a must read for those who've experienced or lived around the suicidal mind.
I will confess that I struggled at times with the structure of "How Not to Kill Yourself," a book that occasionally reads in compulsive and disjointed ways at time. While this is understandable, perhaps even intentional, it lessened the impact of the book for me and negatively impacted the actual reading experience. I'm also somewhat less than sold on the book's title, a compelling title and admirable goal but one that's not really thoroughly addressed until the final narrative chapter. When it is addressed, however, it's addressed well.
From a reader's standpoint, I must also confess I found the choice of font to be maddening. It's a tighter font that intensifies a reading experience that's already intense. It makes the experience of reading "How Not to Kill Yourself" a rather exhausting one.
In the end, however, I deeply appreciated Martin's boldness and openness in discussing with surprising candor a topic that seldom gets such transparent conversation. Martin writes with an objectivity that is surprisingly devoid of self pity or justification. Instead, Martin presents with an almost "matter-of-fact" way of writing that feels personal but not overly intimate.
As I wound down my time with "How Not to Kill Yourself," I realized I'd greatly appreciated the book even if I found it filled with occasionally unnecessary material that felt almost like a distraction from the matters at hand. At times I could understand this material's presence, but it still felt like a distraction for me that diluted the emotional and intellectual impact of the book. At times, it feels like Martin gets super close to actual intimacy in the book and then pulls back.
Martin himself sells the book, a man who's lived with his suicidal mind for years and who has also dealt with addictions and a myriad of the ways that addiction and compulsive behavior can tangibly impact one's life. He's successfully transformed his life, yet also acknowledges his awareness that the compulsion is still lingering in his mind ready to exploit a life circumstance, moment of weakness, or trauma. He's dedicated himself to corresponding with others, seemingly regularly, and in the end Martin comes off like a surprisingly ordinary human being simply trying to live a decent life.
At times rich in academia and other times incredibly personal, "How Not to Kill Yourself" is an engaging, thoughtful, and well resourced portrait of the suicidal mind and those who live with it.
January 26, 2023
How not to kill yourself is an intense discussion of a very serious topic - suicide. But what makes this book unique from all others is that it’s written by someone who has attempted suicide several times and therefore has an intimate knowledge of the mindset of such a person. As such, this makes How Not To Kill Yourself a must read for anyone interested in understanding this critical issue that currently plagues our society.
Make no mistake about it, this is not an easy book to read and I highly doubt you will race through it in one sitting. In fact, it’s a slow read and it’s very dense - there’s a lot to absorb and ponder.
Clancy Martin discusses suicide from many angles - literary, philosophical, poetic, and religious references to name a few. In addition, he also discusses the life of several notable people who committed suicide, among them Anthony Bourdain and David Foster Wallace. Throughout it all, Martin provides his unique perspective.
Martin examines his failed suicide attempts in detail, beginning at age 6. The reader witnesses the workings of a suicidal mind and why the desire to end one’s life came to be as well as the aftermath.
Martin is courageous in coming forward with revealing his inner life and failed suicide attempts. Also he provides insight into why he felt the need on several occasions to end his life. His first attempt was at the age of six when he jumped in front of a bus yet he says he thought of suicide when he was as young as 2-3 years of age. His first “real� attempt came at the age of 16.
There can be no doubt that Martin suffered many traumatic life events in this life, including divorces, career changes, death of his father (likely suicide according to Martin), suicide of his stepbrother as well as his own struggle with alcoholism. Any of these events could trigger a desire to end one’s life and in fact, some did.
Martin admits that suicide in itself is a selfish act and he has come to both understand and appreciate its effect on the loved ones left behind. He goes through a series of 9 things that he does to stop his suicidal ideation, which I think would be helpful for someone contemplating suicide. The appendices at the end of How Not To Kill Yourself are invaluable - resources, interviews and notes that are sure to help those suffering from depression and suicide ideation.
I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in the field of depression and suicide as well as those contemplating ending their life. Thank you to Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage and Anchor - Pantheon and NetGalley for an advance reader copy in exchange for my honest review.
Make no mistake about it, this is not an easy book to read and I highly doubt you will race through it in one sitting. In fact, it’s a slow read and it’s very dense - there’s a lot to absorb and ponder.
Clancy Martin discusses suicide from many angles - literary, philosophical, poetic, and religious references to name a few. In addition, he also discusses the life of several notable people who committed suicide, among them Anthony Bourdain and David Foster Wallace. Throughout it all, Martin provides his unique perspective.
Martin examines his failed suicide attempts in detail, beginning at age 6. The reader witnesses the workings of a suicidal mind and why the desire to end one’s life came to be as well as the aftermath.
Martin is courageous in coming forward with revealing his inner life and failed suicide attempts. Also he provides insight into why he felt the need on several occasions to end his life. His first attempt was at the age of six when he jumped in front of a bus yet he says he thought of suicide when he was as young as 2-3 years of age. His first “real� attempt came at the age of 16.
There can be no doubt that Martin suffered many traumatic life events in this life, including divorces, career changes, death of his father (likely suicide according to Martin), suicide of his stepbrother as well as his own struggle with alcoholism. Any of these events could trigger a desire to end one’s life and in fact, some did.
Martin admits that suicide in itself is a selfish act and he has come to both understand and appreciate its effect on the loved ones left behind. He goes through a series of 9 things that he does to stop his suicidal ideation, which I think would be helpful for someone contemplating suicide. The appendices at the end of How Not To Kill Yourself are invaluable - resources, interviews and notes that are sure to help those suffering from depression and suicide ideation.
I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in the field of depression and suicide as well as those contemplating ending their life. Thank you to Knopf, Pantheon, Vintage and Anchor - Pantheon and NetGalley for an advance reader copy in exchange for my honest review.
August 2, 2023
3.5
A little too woo woo but really good
A little too woo woo but really good
October 30, 2023
This compassionate thesis on suicide is equal parts memoir/confession and analysis of the literature and psychology of the subject matter. The thoroughness of Martin’s research illustrates his lifelong obsession with the topic; as he says, “You can be grateful for something and still not be up to the task.� (xiv). His exploration of this dichotomy ends on a positive note, and he offers full disclaimers on triggers, as well as useful resources for those seeking help.
June 19, 2023
written similar to undergrad students� essays when they’re desperate to show you how many articles they read
February 29, 2024
“The modest thesis I’m developing here is that thinking about killing oneself and addictive thinking have a lot more in common than is normally recognized. They may even be different variations of the same fundamental kind of thinking. With this model—which, granted, may only characterize one kind of suicidal inclination—wanting to kill yourself is like an extreme version of the relief you find after drinking a few glasses of wine, and the pungent smell of yourself seems to drift off into the breeze. And in fact this theory is really just an elaboration of the Buddha’s idea that the desire for self-annihilation is among our most basic forms of suffering, or Freud’s idea that the desire for life and the desire for death are two sides of the same coin.�
this is a fantastic book.
i recommend this to anyone who has suffered from chronic SI or SI in the past. or for whoever is wanting to understand SI in a deeper way. however, i would maybe not read this book if you are currently suicidal or in crisis.
this book is abnormally long for a memoir and can be repetitive at points, but i was captivated almost the entire time. i did skip chapter 7 and certain parts of the book that felt too graphic, but overall, this book was very healing for me. it’s relatable, realistic, applicable, and even humorous at times !! ive been thinking about how humor is an important characteristic for people pursuing counseling / going into a similar helping profession, and this book definitely helped with that hahaha
this is a fantastic book.
i recommend this to anyone who has suffered from chronic SI or SI in the past. or for whoever is wanting to understand SI in a deeper way. however, i would maybe not read this book if you are currently suicidal or in crisis.
this book is abnormally long for a memoir and can be repetitive at points, but i was captivated almost the entire time. i did skip chapter 7 and certain parts of the book that felt too graphic, but overall, this book was very healing for me. it’s relatable, realistic, applicable, and even humorous at times !! ive been thinking about how humor is an important characteristic for people pursuing counseling / going into a similar helping profession, and this book definitely helped with that hahaha
March 7, 2025
Deeply heavy book/subject matter discussing suicide from various angles. The author suffered tremendously throughout his life and first attempted at the age of six. I respect how descriptive and honest the author is along with providing insight on the reasons why he felt the need to end his life. I learned a lot and I appreciate the bravery it took to write this book.
January 16, 2024
It read heavy and then it became light.
A very intimate and biased (but not necessarily a bad thing in this book, I wanna say?) look at suicide, reasons for and against it, and mostly the author just trying to answer “why am I like this?�.
A very intimate and biased (but not necessarily a bad thing in this book, I wanna say?) look at suicide, reasons for and against it, and mostly the author just trying to answer “why am I like this?�.
dnf
June 3, 2025DNF, chapter 1.
UPDATE, 2 days later: Huge respect to Martin for his openness and vulnerability... but the more he wrote, the less I could relate. Part of it is the Anna Karenina factor: every unhappy person is presumably unhappy in their own way. But it's more than that. I felt a complete inability to connect with Martin's thought patterns, priorities, even language. I can't really phrase it better than that.
UPDATE, 2 days later: Huge respect to Martin for his openness and vulnerability... but the more he wrote, the less I could relate. Part of it is the Anna Karenina factor: every unhappy person is presumably unhappy in their own way. But it's more than that. I felt a complete inability to connect with Martin's thought patterns, priorities, even language. I can't really phrase it better than that.
August 31, 2023
I first was introduced to Clancy Martin and his story when listening to the NPR fresh air podcast “Living With Suicidal Ideation� (which I highly recommend listening to). I was searching to find resources on the topic of suicidal ideation that did more than scratch the surface. After hearing Martin speak on this podcast, I knew I had to read his book “How Not to Kill Yourself�.
It’s a teaching, a story, a journey. Martin’s philosophies on the suicidal mind are accurate—due to his own suicidal ideation—and fascinating. He makes compelling comparisons of the suicidal mind to the mind of an addict. I found his argument against suicide actually impactful, and I see myself referring back to this book again and again as a resource to remind myself of someone who is painfully like myself, but continues to prevail in life.
A few notable quotes on Martin’s argument against suicide:
-You’re gambling that the afterlife will be better. You’re “betting on an unknown� (pg. 25).
-“The physical consequences of surviving such an attempt can be so grisly”—a failed attempt can leave you disabled (pg. 44).
-The stoic belief that the door is always open, that “suicide is indeed a human possibility, but, and somewhat paradoxically, for that very reason, we don’t have to choose it. After all, you can always kill yourself tomorrow� (pg. 89).
-You establish more control by choosing to live, “freedom to life means something much more than freedom to die� (pg. 173).
-The bravest act one can do is live for the sake of others�. Assertion that the selfless act of continuing life mah perhaps end your suffering (pg. 202).
In addition to giving the suicidally inclined an understanding that their situation doesn’t need to end in death, he also gives amazing advice on what to say to someone you know who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts. This is a really difficult matter, as there is often no right thing to say.
In my experience, there are unfortunately very few people who either never suffer from suicidal thoughts or never know someone who does. For this reason I would recommend this book to anyone. If you, thankfully, never struggle with suicidal thoughts than at least reading this book will equip you with skills to help someone who does.
It’s a teaching, a story, a journey. Martin’s philosophies on the suicidal mind are accurate—due to his own suicidal ideation—and fascinating. He makes compelling comparisons of the suicidal mind to the mind of an addict. I found his argument against suicide actually impactful, and I see myself referring back to this book again and again as a resource to remind myself of someone who is painfully like myself, but continues to prevail in life.
A few notable quotes on Martin’s argument against suicide:
-You’re gambling that the afterlife will be better. You’re “betting on an unknown� (pg. 25).
-“The physical consequences of surviving such an attempt can be so grisly”—a failed attempt can leave you disabled (pg. 44).
-The stoic belief that the door is always open, that “suicide is indeed a human possibility, but, and somewhat paradoxically, for that very reason, we don’t have to choose it. After all, you can always kill yourself tomorrow� (pg. 89).
-You establish more control by choosing to live, “freedom to life means something much more than freedom to die� (pg. 173).
-The bravest act one can do is live for the sake of others�. Assertion that the selfless act of continuing life mah perhaps end your suffering (pg. 202).
In addition to giving the suicidally inclined an understanding that their situation doesn’t need to end in death, he also gives amazing advice on what to say to someone you know who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts. This is a really difficult matter, as there is often no right thing to say.
In my experience, there are unfortunately very few people who either never suffer from suicidal thoughts or never know someone who does. For this reason I would recommend this book to anyone. If you, thankfully, never struggle with suicidal thoughts than at least reading this book will equip you with skills to help someone who does.
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