Hamish’s review of Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication > Likes and Comments
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For the essentialism principle, I think you could be referring to Daniel Kahneman's principle that "What You See Is All There Is" (abbreviated with the incredibly annoying WYSIATI). See, Thinking Fast and Slow.
Please don’t use autistic as an insult, it is very harmful to actual autistic people (like myself)
What Remy said. I know and love a few autistic people and your use of the word as an insult was either ignorant or incredibly insensitive. I haven't read the book yet, but that seems like violent communication right there.
Remy wrote: "Please don’t use autistic as an insult, it is very harmful to actual autistic people (like myself)"
Fair enough. I wasn't intending to use "autistic" as an insult, but I agree that my language had an anti-autism flavour to it. Sorry about that. I've changed the phrase to "weird and robotic", which is what I really wanted to convey.
Thank you for this excellent review, which helped me choose between titles! I also like the fact that this one is available as an audiobook (more convenient for me, and Rosenberg’s book sadly isn’t). Thanks🙏
This review was kinda fun and gritty. I've read NVC (thrice), and while I'm drawn to the ideas (perhaps it's more about the unhealthy patterns it's drawing me away from?), I find myself (like you with Say What You Mean) unable to remember what it was really about.
Dee, I got Rosenberg's book on Audible.
Thank you! I had very similar sentiments!! My mum literally said I sounded like a robot. Youre also not the first person I e heard of having NVC abusively weaponised against them. This is very validating.
I'm so sorry you had such negative experiences with this concept and in your relationship(s.) It can absolutely be stilted and awkward trying to use as a "method." I think the goal is to get to a point where you're doing it automatically without having to put so much thought into the steps, and then it gets more natural eventually...but like getting good or comfortable with anything, that takes a lot of practice.
I tried reading NVC (the original by Rosenburg) in my 20s and I felt much the same as you. Too awkward and hokey and it just didn't work for me. I've recently revisited it (nearing 40 now) and it's resonating soooo much better for me this time around.
I find it's a lot easier to use via texting rather than while talking face to face with someone, because when in the presence of another human there's moods and energy and micro-expressions all kinds of stuff we subconsciously pick up on that makes it harder to stay present. It's also very easy to get lost in our own experiences and we can get triggered from past experiences and bring all that baggage into the present moment without even realising it. So I find writing letters or texting a lot more effective personally for those reasons. It's more time consuming, but also easier for me to navigate emotionally.
Another amazing resource for this kind of self-work is Heidi Priebe. Her Youtube channel is amazing! She mentioned NVC in one of her videos and that's what got me to revisit it again since I already owned the book. But all her content is incredible. 10/10 recommend. :)
If I read this review can I add it to my books read total?
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Shoshana
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Feb 14, 2021 04:17PM
For the essentialism principle, I think you could be referring to Daniel Kahneman's principle that "What You See Is All There Is" (abbreviated with the incredibly annoying WYSIATI). See, Thinking Fast and Slow.
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Please don’t use autistic as an insult, it is very harmful to actual autistic people (like myself)
What Remy said. I know and love a few autistic people and your use of the word as an insult was either ignorant or incredibly insensitive. I haven't read the book yet, but that seems like violent communication right there.
Remy wrote: "Please don’t use autistic as an insult, it is very harmful to actual autistic people (like myself)"Fair enough. I wasn't intending to use "autistic" as an insult, but I agree that my language had an anti-autism flavour to it. Sorry about that. I've changed the phrase to "weird and robotic", which is what I really wanted to convey.
Thank you for this excellent review, which helped me choose between titles! I also like the fact that this one is available as an audiobook (more convenient for me, and Rosenberg’s book sadly isn’t). Thanks🙏
This review was kinda fun and gritty. I've read NVC (thrice), and while I'm drawn to the ideas (perhaps it's more about the unhealthy patterns it's drawing me away from?), I find myself (like you with Say What You Mean) unable to remember what it was really about.Dee, I got Rosenberg's book on Audible.
Thank you! I had very similar sentiments!! My mum literally said I sounded like a robot. Youre also not the first person I e heard of having NVC abusively weaponised against them. This is very validating.
I'm so sorry you had such negative experiences with this concept and in your relationship(s.) It can absolutely be stilted and awkward trying to use as a "method." I think the goal is to get to a point where you're doing it automatically without having to put so much thought into the steps, and then it gets more natural eventually...but like getting good or comfortable with anything, that takes a lot of practice.I tried reading NVC (the original by Rosenburg) in my 20s and I felt much the same as you. Too awkward and hokey and it just didn't work for me. I've recently revisited it (nearing 40 now) and it's resonating soooo much better for me this time around.
I find it's a lot easier to use via texting rather than while talking face to face with someone, because when in the presence of another human there's moods and energy and micro-expressions all kinds of stuff we subconsciously pick up on that makes it harder to stay present. It's also very easy to get lost in our own experiences and we can get triggered from past experiences and bring all that baggage into the present moment without even realising it. So I find writing letters or texting a lot more effective personally for those reasons. It's more time consuming, but also easier for me to navigate emotionally.
Another amazing resource for this kind of self-work is Heidi Priebe. Her Youtube channel is amazing! She mentioned NVC in one of her videos and that's what got me to revisit it again since I already owned the book. But all her content is incredible. 10/10 recommend. :)
If I read this review can I add it to my books read total?
