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“Things go smoother if you don’t let people get a rise out of you,� he says. “If you give them control over how you feel, they’ll always use it.� “Finally, I see your cynical side,� I say. He smiles, but his jaw is tight, and the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “It’s not cynical. If you don’t give other people responsibility for your feelings, you can have a decent relationship with most of them.�
But after a while, someone either finally sees you or they don’t, and either way it fucking sucks. Because if they see you, and it’s not what they signed up for, then they’re out of there. And if they never see you…it’s worse. Because you’re just alone.
“You make the people you care about feel like…� He pauses. “Like you want all of them. Not just the good parts. And that’s terrifying to someone who’s spent a lifetime avoiding those other pieces of themselves.�
