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“I bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like: "Damn, that name is way cooler.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, Inside The Mind of an Introvert: Comics, Deep Thoughts and Quotable Quotes

“Someone once said writing and gardening are similar pursuits. Tell you what, I'd have one fucked up garden if that were the case.”
― Carla H. Krueger

“If God created man in his image... Does God have a functioning penis? And does God manually handle every penis he creates? Or does he outsource the job to penis-manufacturing elves?”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, Inside The Mind of an Introvert: Comics, Deep Thoughts and Quotable Quotes

“Ladies glisten, men perspire, horses sweat.

-Early Nun Quote, The Old Ursuline Convent (1727)
New Orleans, LA”
― Diana Hollingsworth Gessler, Very New Orleans: A Celebration of History, Culture, and Cajun Country Charm

“Nevertheless, he was already a sick man. He had gotten more than gas at Bill Hapscomb's Texaco. And he gave Harry Trent more than a speeding summons.”
― Stephen King, The Stand

“They told me I've got writer's cramp. So is that better than the block?”
― Joyce Rachelle

“Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Whenever anyone finds out there are seven kids in my family, the imagine my mom and dad having sex.”
― Rachel DeWoskin, Blind

“Holy mama llama. That’s Nathanial Stone. Nathanial Stone is sitting in my booth. Nathanial Stone is in the Finewhile Diner sitting in my booth. I’m supposed to wait on Nathanial Stone. I’m going to make a fool out of myself. I just know it. I can feel it coming. Crap.”
― D.L. Hess, Sir

“Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“My hand. Is on. His penis.”
― T.L. Martin, Touched by Death

“Yes, Toshi. Spill the peas.”
― C.J. Rutherford, Worlds of the Never

“Um ... Falcyn?"Medea
"What's my brother doing?" Blaise
"Holding me in an awkwardly tight manner. It's very strange" Medea
"But is he sitting on you?" Blaise
" ... Why? should I be worried?" Medea
"Well, it means he's not trying to hatch you. Yet. That's always a bonus." Blaise”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dragonsworn

“If you seriously believe that your imaginary guy up in the sky told you to kill people of a differing faith and religion, your illusory pal is a dickhead. And of course and therefore, analogically speaking, so are you, shithead.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“You're not the butcher, selling sausages. You're the cow, pre-sausage.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, The Ugly Truth About Self-Publishing: Not another cookie-cutter contemporary romance

“Everyone thinks they're entitled to their 15 minutes of fame. And it's that narcissism that makes people, who have no business writing a book, think they can write a book.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, The Ugly Truth About Self-Publishing: Not another cookie-cutter contemporary romance

“He looked earnestly at me, as if that was important to me.”
― Raymond Chandler

“Whenever anyone finds out there are seven kids in my family, they imagine my mom and dad having sex.”
― Rachel DeWoskin

“This was a stupendously bad idea." William
"No bitching, Mr. Death I tried to get you to leave." Devyl
"Deeth! And I regret me decision, Captain. Seriously. Should have done it when you told me to."William”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Deadmen Walking

“Treat all the sides of your towel equally because the part you used to wipe your ass today will wipe your face tomorrow.”
― Brighton Mabuya

“-¿Qué haces en la lavandería, sobrino? -me preguntó.
-Me caí desde allá arriba.
-Ya te irás acostumbrando a la casa. Tiene muchos recovecos, pero es bastante práctica. Ya descubriste el camino de la ropa sucia.
-Aquí hay algunos libros.
-Son para secado y planchado. A veces se me derrama el té sobre las páginas.”
― Juan Villoro, El libro salvaje

“Der König sass mit seinem Vetter allein bei einer Beratung. In diese Kemenate drangen nun die wagemutigen Ritter ein. Kurz entschlossen zückten sie ihre Schwerter und beendeten darin recht unfreundlich dieses Gespräch.”
― Herzog Ernst

“So, am I too, like all other humans, just a rogue? Sure! Just a notch less than those rascals wearing godly robes.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“You are having a bad day? Remember it could always be worse... It could be me having a bad day!”
― Mark W. Boyer, Domestic Vigilance: One Nation

“Dear God,
Why don't you ever get inspired by those carmakers who recall defective models? Please be humble, accept that you made and mistake and recall all idiots, criminals, haters, terrorists and replace their defective minds.”
― EverSkeptic

“Men looove pussy. They can never get enough of it. If you send a guy a pussy pic, he's gonna think you're awesome. And he assumes you feel the same way if he sends you an unsolicited dick pic. He loves jerking off while looking at pussy, and in his mind he's certain that you must love dick
pics as much as he loves pussy pics. It is such a given to him, it never even occurred to him that it might not be true.

If you have a dog, you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes a dog brings you his favorite toy in the whole world. And he puts it in your lap. Not because he wants you to throw it. This is not for him. This is for you. He wants you to have it.

When you look at his toy, all you see is a dirty old sock, covered in crusty dried dog spit. But that's not what he sees. To him that sock is the most awesome thing in the whole world. And he is putting The Most Awesome Thing In The Whole World in your lap. Then he sits down in front of you and stares into your eyes as if to say: "This is my gift to you. May it give you the same endless hours of joy and happiness that it has given me."

And that's exactly what men think when they send you a dick pic.”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, Why Creeps Don't Know They're Creeps - What Game of Thrones can teach us about relationships and Hollywood scandals

“I love chicken sooo much! I could eat it all the time.
Then I would get sick...”
― Sarah Willey

“May you be wise. Stop telling lies. Also, don't eat flies.”
― Sarah Willey

“Since he wasn’t part of the Psy race’s armed forces, she thought it was because he had curls; Psy hated anything that was out of control.”
― Nalini Singh

“if you've ever been to an old-timey museum, you've seen those silly portrait paintings that vain noblemen of by-gone eras used to plaster all over the walls of their pompous mansions.

Today, thanks to social media, people can take pointless pictures and pollute the world with their dumb shit faster than ever before. Progress!”
― Oliver Markus Malloy, The Ugly Truth About Self-Publishing: Not another cookie-cutter contemporary romance